


Splat, Contain, Protect

by thepandemicwillend



Series: Splatoon Against the Multiverse [1]
Category: SCP Foundation, Splatoon
Genre: Abduction, Action/Adventure, Angst, Anxiety, Asphyxiation, Biting, Blood, Deep sea metro, Female Agent 3 (Splatoon), Female Agent 8 (Splatoon), Fights, Friendship, Gen, Happy Ending, Harm to Children, Hatred, Horror, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I didn't play Splatoon One wUPS, Injury, Ink is Blood, Male Agent 4 (Splatoon), Memory Related, Mental Health Issues, Music, My First Fanfic, Mystery, Non-Sexual, Octo Expansion DLC Spoilers, Original Character(s), Panic, Plot, Possessive Behavior, Post-Canon, Post-Octo Expansion DLC, Science Fiction & Fantasy, Shapeshifting, Supernatural Elements, Team, Teenagers, Time Travel, Trauma, Violence, Weapons, knowledge of splatoon and splatoon 2 is somewhat needed for protagonist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:20:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 64
Words: 169,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24471187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepandemicwillend/pseuds/thepandemicwillend
Summary: the SCP and splatoon worlds start merging. Hilarity ensues
Relationships: Agent 3 & Agent 4 & Agent 8 (Splatoon)
Series: Splatoon Against the Multiverse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1955647
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	1. breach

**Author's Note:**

> chapter 27 was originally meant as a 5-year anniversary celebration for splatoon. skip there for the festivities.

Dr. Alto Clef was sitting in the employee lounge at site-19, with his lunch in his hands. In the lounge with him were a few of his colleagues; the perpetually stoic dr. Gears, Clef’s rival dr. Kondraki, the cryokinetic dr. Iceberg, the diminutive, ethically-minded dr. trebs, the artist-hating dr. sorts, and hot blooded medic dr. burns. There was also a dog laying on clef’s lap, much to the doctor’s irritation. “Kain, I swear, if you drool on me, I will send you to the pound.'' The dog, dr. Crow, left to the other side of the couch they were on, complaining about how his genius was never appreciated. It was at this moment that a monkey walked into the room. “Bright, why are you here? You don’t seem to have anything to eat.” Gears inquired of the primate. The monkey looked at gears, exasperated at his lack of expression. “Well,” he began, “I’ve been sent to report that there’s been a containment breach recently.” He said this as though it were an everyday occurrence. To be fair, it kind of was at site-19. “Alright, don’t keep us in suspense. Which one is it this time?” kondraki demanded, sounding more like someone asking who won last night’s sports game than which of an endless selection of horrific monsters had escaped into the site. “The statue? The old man? The shy guy?” “Actually, it was the lizard.” That gave everyone pause. “Hold up. You don’t mean 682, do you?” crow asked him, ears hanging low, tails between his legs in uncharacteristic fear. “Afraid so.” Was all dr. Bright had to say. The foundation didn’t employ people who were scared easily, but 682, the unkillable lizard...that was something everyone at site-19 learned to fear, one way or another. A hatred for all life, humans in particular, as well as the ability to regenerate from a single cell and adapt almost instantly to any threat, made 682 one of site-19’s deadlier guests. They needed to keep it in a pool of hydrochloric acid just to keep it contained, and even that tended to have mixed results. “Did anyone see where it went?” sorts asked. “As a matter of fact, it went inside one of the dimensional portals.” this, everyone thought, was a great cause for celebration. The room was filled with cheers and hollers of jubilation, kondraki in particular shouting “finally! That overgrown gecko is someone else’s problem!” “excuse me.” Iceberg requested of his colleagues, “but am I the only one here who remembers what happened last time we tried to get rid of SCP-682 by throwing it into another dimension?” everyone remembered now. A few years ago, the foundation had tied 682 to 507, a perfectly average and, in all honesty, quite friendly man who just so happened to involuntarily teleport between random dimensions at random times. They had hoped that doing so would banish the lizard to another dimension for all eternity, but instead a different 682 came back, even worse than the last. So many agents had been killed, half the site wiped out, so many SCiPs annihilated, a broken masquerade scenario barely averted, and even the 05’s were shaken; the stoic, unfeeling leaders of the foundation. “Well, that doesn’t mean it’ll happen again.” Dr. Trebs didn’t sound as sure as she would’ve wanted. “Of course. But are we entirely certain that it won’t? Is it not possible, that in ridding ourselves of one threat we may  
inadvertently be inviting another, worse threat? One that risks exposing us to the outside world, or worse.” gears implored of the group, deadpan as always. “Alright. Let’s get our scaly omnicidal friend back.” Clef said, begrudgingly. “That’s exactly what we’re doing. Clef, come with me. We’re going with the Bailey triplets.” that gave everyone pause. The Baileys had been working at the multi-universal affairs departments in multiple different sites. Of course, having them go on an interdimensional retrieval mission made some sense, seeing as they were trained in other-dimensional diplomacy. However, bringing them in from other sites, not to mention having Clef and Bright of all people joining them… this must have been something special. The two scientists headed off to the interdimensional portal room in the site-19 basement.


	2. breaking news

A young green-haired boy of 14 years sat at the table, ready to enjoy a meal after a few hours of turf war. He had earned a nice haul from the favorite sport of his species, the inklings. An evolved form of the common squid, inkling turf wars consisted of two teams of four competing to cover the larger portion of a certain area in their own ink color, with respawn generators for safety’s sake. Just as the inkling was biting into his food, the massive screen in the middle of the square turned on, the logo for off the hook blaring its obnoxiously catchy music. After the logo ended, live footage of a studio room was shown on the screen. To the left was a short girl, scarcely believable she was 21 years old, with an unusually large head and white hair. On the left of the girl-her name was Pearl-was another woman, taller despite being Pearl’s junior by three years. Marina, the taller girl, was an octoling. Her suction cups were on the outside of her tentacle hair, rather than on the inside like an inkling’s. Her eyes also weren’t connected by the raccoon-like mask that inklings possessed. Today, though, both of them seemed worried, or even scared. Marina had always come off as somewhat timid, but that look of subdued dread on Pearl's face of all people had to mean this was legitimate cause for alarm. That didn't stop her from trying to pretend everything was fine, though. "What's up Inkopolis?! Today, we've got a breaking news broadcast! Marina, give us the details." The octoling hesitated before speaking, almost like she couldn't believe what she was about to say. "Last night, we received an anonymous report that someone had seen what they described as a monster. However, the call abruptly ended after several disturbing sounds were heard, not all of them natural-sounding. Out of respect for those involved, we will not be playing those sounds today, but we advise everyone to stay indoors as much as possible. If you see anything that could be the monster, please get somewhere safe and notify the authorities. From what little could be gathered, it resembles a lizard, about 20 feet long. Due to the associated crisis, turf wars will be postponed until further notice and respawn generators moved to various densely populated areas within the city. However, respawn generators can only resurrect so many at a time, so don’t get careless.” Pearl then addended, “plus, we don’t know what this thing’s deal is, so we don’t even know if respawn generators will work with it.” That simple revelation sent a chill of dread down the spines of everyone watching the broadcast. Or at least it would have if they weren’t invertebrates. The giant screen turned itself off, the two forgoing their usual farewell. While everyone around him rushed back to their homes, the green-haired boy walked briskly towards a manhole cover in the corner of the square, easily going unnoticed in the confusion. After looking all around to make sure no one could see him, he utilized his species’ most notable ability-to transform between squid and humanoid at will-to squeeze into the manhole, moving through the grates and the tube until he reached his destination.


	3. through the portal

Drs .Tristan, Thomas, and Trevor Bailey watched the security cameras from within the interdimensional portal room of site-19, or rather, the one portal room that housed the gateway to follow 682. In most establishments, a man with a giant spider for a face with a monkey clinging to his back would’ve been cause for alarm. The Baileys simply watched, bored and wondering how long it would take them to arrive. It was at this moment Trevor asked his brothers “so, how are things with you two?” Tristan was the only one of them who still worked at site-87, in the anomalous town of Sloth's Pit, wisconsin. Trevor worked at site-19, and had been the one to call his brothers there when 682 went through the portal. Tom worked in Antarctica, as an ambassador to the secretive third Antarctic empire. “Well, we recently captured a gorgon in the woods. Had a whole collection of statues and everything.” Tristan told his brothers of one of his latest exploits. “That’s nothing. Last week, my squad repelled a small army of man-eating penguins. Must’ve been about 100 of the things, at least. Still didn’t lose a single man.” Tom bragged. “Yeah, well, what we’re going after is a bit more dangerous than an army of penguins, Tom Bombadil.” Trevor knew his brother hated that nickname, but he was right. Nothing any of them had ever done could prepare them for trying to retrieve 682. While the three of them were talking amongst themselves, dr. Alto Clef walked into the room, with dr. Jack Bright clinging to his back in the form of a monkey. “Alright, fellas, let’s get this show on the road. I see the portal’s open, let’s go already.” Dr. Clef sounded strangely excited. “Yeah! I can’t wait to see if I can possess some interesting new bodies.” “Bright, what have we told you about going out of your way to possess others?” Tristan scolded. “To do it as often as possible?” Tristan just shook his head in exasperation at that one. “Alright, team, let’s hit the interdimensional road. And before anyone asks, no I don’t know where it leads, so that’ll be fun.” Trevor led the way through the portal.


	4. the agent team's base

The green-haired boy arrived at his destination on the other side of the manhole cover. It was a floating island in the middle of nowhere, with a noticeable lack of notable features. There was a couch in front of an outdoor TV, some training equipment, and a ramshackle old hut that barely looked big enough for 1 inhabitant, though it was larger on the inside. Naturally, it was the base of operations for the most secretive and advanced militia group in the city. “Hey, 4. Here for some monster hunting?” the green-haired boy turned to the side to see a girl around 16 years of age with yellow hair. “Lauren, we’re off-duty. Call me Marcus. But, yeah. How’d you guess?” Lauren gave him a look like he was clueless. “What, did you think you were the first one down here after that broadcast? Course, it helped that I was closer to the entrance.” the door on the inside of the hut opened, with two more inklings emerging. “Anyone seen katherine?” the white-haired one, Marie, asked the duo. “How should we know? Last I checked, you were the leader of this little ragtag band of misfits.” Lauren interjected. “Maybe she didn’t hear the news. I’ll call her now.” Marie’s dark-haired cousin, Callie, offered. The four of them turned around as they heard something emerging out of the entrance pipe. A purple-haired octoling girl, her skin pale from spending most of her 15 years underground, faced the rest of the agents. “Oh. I take it you guys heard about the creature too. Sorry I’m late; I just forgot where the base entrance was.” “8, I explained the location 3 times to you yesterday.” “Yeah, sorry, Ma-I mean agent 2” Katherine ran over to Lauren and Marcus, agents 3 and 4 respectively. Callie started to brief them on how they were going to approach the situation, when her phone started to vibrate. “Oh, hold on a sec.” she looked at the text message while her cousin and the other agents looked on, exasperated. “It’s Marina. She says something appeared topside. She’s not sure what it was, but we’d better go check it out.” Callie explained. “Oh, wonderful. Because of course we don’t have enough problems already.” Marcus snarked. The five agents went back through the entrance to the main city. There, a blue sphere of light was floating a few inches in the air, in the middle of the deserted square. The agents trained their weapons on the portal: Callie’s roller, Marie’s charger, Lauren's splattershot, Marcus's splatling, and Katherine's twin dualies. The portal broke apart as five creatures emerged into the square. Four of them looked like inklings, but a little bit taller, hair that wasn’t made of tentacles, smaller faces, less sharp teeth, and less smooth skin. The other was much smaller and hairier, with a long, thin tail. The agents dropped their weapons in shock at the sight of a species that was supposed to be extinct for a dozen millenia, while one of the humans told his colleagues, “Alright, gents, anyone wanna bet this is gonna be one of those days?”


	5. the hard to destroy reptile

Tristan Bailey had been to a number of universes. One where earth had four moons, one that had a word rhyming with both purple and orange, and a universe where the earth was a gas giant. However, he had not yet visited a dimension inhabited by strange humanoid creatures holding a variety of weapons, which they promptly dropped in surprise. Tristan turned to his brothers, clef, and bright, before announcing, “Alright, gents, anyone wanna bet this is gonna be one of those days?” one of the creatures picked up its weapon, resembling a giant paint roller. “Stand down, 1. We don’t know if they’re hostile.” one of the other creatures told its fellow. “Maybe we should try to be friendly.” It extended a hand towards the five scientists, telling them, “My name is Marie. Sorry about my cousin. Who are you? Where did you come from?” It looked curious, but harmless. Then again, SCP-247 looked like a harmless kitten until it turned out to be a miniature bengal tiger and ate anyone who came near it. Suffice to say, working at the foundation taught one to never automatically trust something just because it seemed friendly on the surface. Clef apparently took this lesson a bit too much to heart, as he pulled out a blaster rifle and shot at the five humanoids. They ran back, directly away from the explosive blast. When the smoke cleared, the creatures were lying on the ground, struggling to regain their balance. Trevor quickly took Clef’s gun, scolding him, “what is wrong with you?! I know we should be careful, but there’s a difference between careful and paranoid!” He would have continued, but felt a massive blunt force on his back. Trevor’s spine felt like it was about to snap as he and Clef were knocked over by the girl with the giant roller. What had the other one called her? 1? Must’ve been a codename, in which case these individuals were probably part of some organization, like them. Trevor tried to come up with a peaceful solution, but his mental efforts were hindered by the sheer pain of the impact. Bright jumped on the roller girl, mauling her face as she screamed in pain, trying to pull the sentient monkey off of herself. Marie, the one who’d tried to introduce them to the scientists, loaded a rifle that looked almost 3 feet long. When she fired it, a thin jet of green paint shot forth, knocking bright off the other girl and covering him in the paint. The rifle girl ran over to her cousin, who was clutching her face in agony. “Callie, you okay? Are you bleeding? Do you still have your eyes?” she turned to the monkey writhing on the ground, then to Clef. Clef hadn’t seen a look quite like that since an incident involving a reality warping little girl, dr. Crow piloting a giant mech, and dr. Kondraki. Before anything else could happen, Trevor jumped between the two groups, holding his hands out in what he hoped looked like a sign of peace rather than a sign of aggression. “Woah, woah, woah! Hey, we don’t want a fight. Team, stand down.” the two groups of five regrouped, facing each other about ten feet apart. Marcus was the first to speak up. “Alright, humans. Explain yourselves. Why’d you attack us? Why are you here?” Tristan stepped forward. “I apologize for my trigger-happy friend. Rest assured, we come in peace and I thought...” At this point he turned and glared at dr. Clef. “...that we agreed we wouldn’t shoot first. Anyway, we came looking for a creature from our dimension that escaped to this world.” At this point, Kat stepped into the conversation. “Wait, you're looking for a creature? Was it by any chance a lizard, about 20 feet long?” Thomas was overcome by joy at the prospect of help. “Yeah, it’s exactly that. It’s more dangerous than you could imagine, though. Sure you’re up for it?” He was dead serious by this point, making it clear he wasn’t exaggerating the risk. Marie turned to her colleagues. “Okay, team. Something tells me we’re in for the fight of our lives. Any votes on teaming up with these guys?” The other four agents all raised their hands in approval, as Marie turned back to the foundation employees. “Looks like it’s unanimous. I’ll give you a map to our base, since our entrance is inaccessible to your species.” “thank you for accepting our help. We’ll be right over.” Tristan assured the agents. The scientists looked the map over and headed off. “Wait!” Lauren shouted at them, “don’t let anyone see you! Humans are supposed to be extinct; there’s no telling what could happen if you became public knowledge!” The only response she got was a dry “whatever you say, kid.” from dr. Clef. the agents hurried back to the entrance to their base. When they got there, they waited a few minutes for the new inhabitants to arrive. “I can’t believe we’re doing this.” Katherine complained. “I mean, we’re just supposed to be stopping petty crimes, keeping civilians safe, preventing a second great turf war. This? Teaming up with humans to fight an interdimensional monster? This is way out of our league.” “Relax, Kat. it’s just this once, and besides, we could use the help.” Marcus refuted. “You got that right, kid.” Dr. Bright and the other scientists emerged from a hidden door in the wall; meant to serve as an auxiliary entrance in case the main one was rendered inaccessible. “Alright, we’ve got four inklings, an octoling, four humans, and a monkey. If that’s not the perfect team, then I don’t know what is.” Callie remarked sarcastically. “Besides, 8 raised her hand in vote earlier, so I don’t see what her problem is now.” “Hey, maybe I changed my mind in the past hour. Still, I suppose they might be our best hope in catching this thing.” “‘might’ nothing. Without us, you wouldn’t have a prayer against 682.” Clef told the other team. “Wait, hold up. 682? Does that mean there’s more of them?” Marie asked, horrified at the possibility. “Not exactly. I’d explain, but I’m afraid that information is classified.” Trevor offered apologetically. As soon as he finished speaking, Lauren interjected, “OK, now that we’ve agreed to team up, let’s get looking for this 682 lizard.” “now, hold up, 3. If we’re going to team up with these guys, I think we’d best at least know their names.” Marcus argued. “Name’s Marcus. The others are Lauren, Katherine, Callie, and Marie.” He pointed at each of the other agents in turn. “Fair enough. Trevor Bailey. My brothers, Tristan and Thomas. Dr. Clef, and the monkey is dr. Bright.” “Quick question: Why the funk n’ wagnall is one of you a monkey?!” Katherine shouted in her confusion. “Oh, that? Well, it’s a long story, but I got bonded to a magic amulet that allows me to possess the body of any living creature if I die. If you want, I could demonstrate on one of you.” He gave a sinister grin. “Yeah, no, I think we’ll pass, thank you very much.” Marcus denied the monkey doctor, disturbed. “Now that we’re all introduced, I think we ought to go capture that lizard.” “Finally, let’s go already!” Trevor yelled enthusiastically. The 10 agents left through the auxiliary entrance, which led to a hidden alcove on the outskirts of the city. “Any ideas where it could be?” Marie asked the team, as they realized they had no way of tracking 682. At that moment, they felt the ground shake as something massive roared about a mile away, loud enough to feel every bit of malice and hatred. “That might be a start” Tristan pointed out, as the group ran off in the direction of the noise. After about a half hour, they encountered a gigantic reptile, about the size of a bus. Its skin was mottled green, covered in matted gray-white fur that looked coarse to the touch. Its tail took up a quarter of its length, tapering off in a lethal-looking point. Its four legs resembled grossly discolored miniature tree trunks, with massive claws that could-and many times had-disembowel a human without a second thought. Despite its fur covering the thing’s eyes, they could still feel the animosity, contempt, and disgust emanating from every pore of its massive, deadly body. Its mere presence felt wrong somehow, as though it were some otherworldly creature that didn’t belong in this plane of existence...which, in all honesty, is more of a literal truth than any sort of simile. When it spoke, its voice was a guttural growl, so loud and deep that it caused those around it to feel as though the ground itself was shaking beneath them. “Ah, there you are. I was wondering when you scientists would show up.” Every syllable out of 682’s massive maw, filled with hundreds of foot-long sharply-pointed teeth, was filled with unfathomable rage at the mere existence of the creatures before it. The beast charged at the mortals, fully intent on killing and devouring them whole, as it had done so many times before. Dr. Clef moved to the front of the group, staring dead-on at 682. The monster stopped, uncanny in how abrupt it ceased its run. The agents could still feel how much it wanted them to perish, but it merely stayed there, as if paralyzed by Clef’s gaze. “Now! The chains!” the doctor shouted, still keeping his eyes on the eldritch reptile. Tristan pulled a mass of chains out of a bag, throwing some to his brothers, bright, and the agents native to this universe. Despite how heavy they were, the team of nine ran at 682, wrapping the chains around its neck, legs, and tail. Dr. Bright in particular wasn’t able to carry any chains because of his small monkey body, but he was able to jump around its body and fire a foundation-enhanced shotgun at its tail, blasting off the sharp end so callie and trevor could safely wrap their own chains around it and attach them to the back legs. After the group finished applying and attaching the chains to each other, Clef pulled a device out of his pocket, throwing it down to activate a portal back to the foundation universe. “Well, it’s sure been ni...pleasa...” he tried to think of a word to describe their alliance, until Thomas suggested, “Interesting. It’s been very interesting being here. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we really must get back to our own dimension.” the five of them, leading 682 by its chains, walked through the portal, which closed behind them. The five cephalopodic humanoids stared ahead at where the portal used to be. “Yeah, interesting. That’s one way to describe...whatever that was. I say we just go home and forget about this whole thing.” Marcus suggested. The others all voiced their approval before departing to their respective residences. With the humans departed and the threat of SCP-682 neutralized-or at least someone else’s problem-as far as they were concerned, Callie, Marie, Lauren, Marcus, and Katherine could wait until their next mission, whenever it came. Meanwhile, in the foundation universe, drs. Jack Bright, Alto clef, and Trevor, Tristan, and Thomas Bailey settled back into their normal-for them at least-lives, while 682 was contained in its chamber, partially submerged in hydrochloric acid, stewing in its rage at being recaptured once again.


	6. zombie plague

An inkling was walking down the hotel hallway in the middle of the night after getting something from the hotel snack shop, wary at the darkness surrounding him, and all the strange sounds of the night. Of course, his worry was entirely misplaced. It wasn’t like he was in a dangerous building, after all. So why did he feel a lingering sense of paranoia, as though something were watching him just out of sight? He shrugged, assuring himself, “Nah, it’s probably nothing.” Not that it did anything to assuage his fear. He considered turning around, but before he could, something grabbed his head from behind-something strong enough that he felt as though his head was about to be crushed. He tried to scream for help, but his voice cut off as a long, gangly hand emerged from his stomach, having impaled him from behind. The inkling fell dead, only to immediately rise again. Except now, something was different about him; something eldritch and unholy.

“What is it this time?” Marcus asked Marie, after she had called an emergency meeting with the other agents. “Agents, I’m not going to sugarcoat it. We’re dealing with a full-blown zombie pandemic.” Marie paced from left to right, noticing the shocked expressions of her colleagues. “Wait, zombies? You mean undead, living corpses that feed on the living in order to convert them into their numbers?” Lauren asked. “No, Lauren. I mean politicians.” Marie’s voice dripped with sarcasm as she continued to explain the situation. “Last night, guests at the New Albacore Hotel fell victim to a disease that turned them into zombies. Right now, the entire building is quarantined and we’ve got a cover story that there’s been a gas leak. That leaves us to find a cure, but the only way to do that is to get a sample from one of the zombies. Any volunteers?” The other four agents all stepped forth. “Sorry, guys. This is just a recon mission, so only two. Marcus, Katherine, you two have stayed there before, so I’ll send you. Remember, they’re still innocents, so only incapacitate them if they attack you. Understood?” “please. You think we need to be told not to kill civilians? What kind of agents do you take us for?” Marcus asked his team’s leader. “Good.” Marie smiled. “You set out now, agents 4 and 8.” the pair nodded, ready for their mission.

Marcus and Katherine were sitting in a helicopter, across from Pearl and Marina. Between their altruism and resources, the two newscasters were valuable allies of the new squidbeak splatoon despite declining every offer to become full-fledged members-something about preferring to stay as the hosts of off the hook rather than adding “secret agents” to their resume. “So, weird question: do you think this might have something to do with that lizard monster from last week?” Marina asked the agents. “Y’know, I hadn’t considered that. Now that you mention it, though-” Kat was interrupted by Marcus elbowing her shoulder, a clear signal to stop saying what we both know you’re going to say. “-Um, yeah, no, def-definitely not. Nope. No chance they have anything to do with each other. They’re as unrelated as two things that aren’t related.” Of course, everyone could see through the lie-most sapient creatures could-but Marina was too polite to point it out. Pearl, on the other hand, decided to see if she could pry further. “Alright. By the way, how did you get rid of that lizard? Plus, what was with that thing we called you about last night? I mean, you have to admit it’s all pretty suspect. A monster that disappears with as little explanation as it appears, some weird glowy-thing that I still don’t know anything about, and a hotel infested with zombies overnight, all in one week?” Marcus had never been so relieved to see the hotel’s roof directly below them. “Oh, sorry. Looks like we’re at the drop zone.” He tried to hide his relief as he opened the helicopter door, dropping a rope ladder so he and Kat could infiltrate the building from above. The two climbed down the ladder until they made it to solid ground. “Alright, explain. Why didn’t you tell them?” Katherine demanded, as the ladder was pulled back into the helicopter before it flew off. “Isn’t it obvious? If they find out about the humans, we run the risk of them becoming public knowledge. Who knows what could happen then?” “So you’re saying you don’t trust them? You don’t trust the people who saved my life last month? Who helped me save the world? Remember? When that AI from the human era was trying to wipe out all life because he thought we weren’t worthy to inherit the planet?” Marcus tried to be reasonable, to make her see his view of things. “Look, I know they’re our friends, but they’ve also got a news show to run. Of course we can trust them so far, but if they reported on that lizard monster, what’s stopping them from reporting on something this massive?” “Unbelievable.” Katherine tried to sound calm, but she was clearly furious at her friend’s paranoia. “They only reported on the lizard because we never requested for them not to, and who knows how many lives were saved as a result? Besides, we trusted them for this, so why not-” “We only told them about the zombies so they’d have a reason to airlift us here. Besides, we already have a cover story with the gas leak that everyone’s going to believe over zombies. Maybe if we figure out a cover story for the lizard, we can tell them then. Until we do, though, we keep it our secret.” “okay. You know what, it doesn’t matter right now. What’s important is we get one of the zombies and bring it back to base so we can get the cure. Transporters ready?” The duo checked their transporters, wrist-mounted devices that would instantly take them back to base. The signals were online, so they started looking for a zombie. Unbeknownst to them, one zombie was hiding in the nearby pool, lying in wait. The moment the agents came near the pool, the zombie launched itself out of the water. It grabbed Katherine, biting into her shoulder as she screamed in agony. Marcus turned around, realizing his friend was in danger. Panicked, he grabbed his splatling and started firing at the zombie, stopping the second it was off Katherine so as to spare its life. Marcus ran over to the unconscious kat, who’d already started showing signs of conversion. He entered the code on her transporter, teleporting her back to base, before setting down a beacon and doing the same for himself. The moment his molecules reconstituted where he wanted to be, he could feel the confusion and worry of the other three agents. “What happened? Why are you back already?” Callie almost sounded scared. “Kat got infected.” Marcus explained succinctly. “What!? How could you let-” “hey, wait a second, Cal.” Marie tried to hold her cousin back, struggling against the physical strength that came as a result of years of being a roller user. “Maybe we can use this to our advantage; it means we have a specimen to get the cure from.” While Marcus was holding back the newly-undead Katherine, a portal opened in the middle of the group. “Ah shoot, here we go again.” Marcus lamented as a human stepped out of the portal, though it wasn’t one from last week. Following him was a quadrupedal creature, covered in golden fur with a long tail attached behind it. “Oh. So you’re the ones the Baileys met.” “Sorry, but who are you?” Lauren demanded. “Well, good morning to you too. If you must know, I am dr. Kain Pathos Crow and he is dr. Kondraki.” the dog answered. “Why is the dog talking? That dog shouldn’t be talking.” Marie questioned. “Oh, sure. Dimensional portals, giant lizards, zombie hordes, that’s all fine. But a talking dog is where you draw the line?” Kondraki asked. “Yeah, you gotta admit, it’s been kind of a week.” Callie acknowledged. “Spill it, Kondraki. What’s the story with the zombies?” Marcus snapped. “I’m afraid even we don’t know. I was monitoring a sample of 008 when it disappeared from the containment chamber. After we got the entire site on lockdown, the site director managed to locate the lost strand to this dimension. He was going to let it stay here and fester, but I managed to reach a compromise with him. I was allowed to come and contain the virus with a supply of the cure, but as you can see, I wasn’t given an ideal assistant.” Crow exposited. “Hey, I’ll have you know I once threw cat pee on a vampire!” Kondraki defended himself. “yes, and then you rode 682 around site-19, nearly destroying one of our biggest facilities in the process.” “Wait, you rode the lizard monster?” Marcus said in shock. “You’re either the craziest guy I’ve met, or the bravest.” “I assure you, it’s just the former. Anyway, we didn’t come here out of the goodness of our hearts. I just believe in the foundation’s motto of containing anomalies unless it’s absolutely impossible for whatever reason. In this case, I presumed that recontainment was possible, so here we are.” “foundation? Site-19? Let me guess, you two-and by extension the guys we met last week-are part of some sort of organization, aren’t you?” Marie asked of the two scientists. “I’m afraid you’ve found out our little secret.” Kondraki smirked, “or at least, what we’re letting you find out. Now, where’s the lucky first patient?” Marcus just pointed to Katherine, amazed that Kondraki had failed to notice her trying to kill him as he held her back. “Oh, of course. How silly of me.” he pulled out a small plastic can of pills, and chucked one straight into Katherine’s mouth. She started choking, until falling over. When she got back up, she was alive. Dizzy and suffering from what felt like one hell of a hangover, but nonetheless very much alive. “Whoo! Bullseye! 50 points!” Kondraki celebrated, hands raised in the air like a curious schoolboy. “What the- oh no, there’s more of them.” Katherine noticed Kondraki and Crow, realizing she’d missed out on some key developments. After explaining the preceding encounter, Crow told the group “I’m afraid that our supply of the cure is severely limited. We only have 47 pills. Now, how many are infected?” “About, I think, 500?” Marie struggled to explain, devastated. “Alright. You guys got nukes in this universe?” Kondraki suggested. “Of course, it doesn’t have to be a nuke. Enough regular bombs ought to do the trick.” “Wait, we’re not destroying the hotel. That’s not an option.” “well then what can we… oh I know!” “Lauren, you got an idea? Cause if so, I’d really like to hear it.” Katherine responded. “Well, what if we put a bunch of ground-up pills into our weapons, and then fired them at the zombies? Not enough to endanger them of course, but enough to cure them.” Kain looked surprised at the idea, but thought about it and said, “actually, that’s not a bad idea. We’ll give you each 1 pill to grind up. With any luck, that should be able to cure-” “I just feel like I should point out that my weapon is actually a melee weapon, so I won’t be able to join in on the fun. Will that change anything?” Callie piped up. “Oh, yes, that means you’ll each get 3 pills. Hopefully, the higher-ups won’t notice a dozen missing pills. Even if they do, being someone of my position has its advantages” Dr .Crow explained. “Y’know, for someone who isn’t doing this out of the goodness of his heart, you sure do seem willing to provide resources to help us.” Marie pointed out. “Yeah, well, Kain here said that if we could limit the spread of the virus, it’d be easier to contain or something like that.” Kondraki retorted before tossing the pill jar over to her. Marie, Marcus, Katherine, and Lauren each took 3 of the pills-actually SCP-500, panacea, not that the two foundation employees would tell them-and ground them with their fingers before dropping the dust into their weapons. “Now, you’re sure this’ll work?” Marcus asked. “No, but I’m afraid it’s the best we can do.” “Well now, ain’t that reassuring. Callie, stay here with these two-” Marie gestured over to Kondraki and Crow. “-and whatever you do, don’t let them outside. It was risky enough with the other guys, and now we’re headed to a public area.” “you got it.” Callie affirmed. “Alright, team, I set up the recon beacon at the hotel rooftop, so the transporters should teleport us there. Cal, after we leave, you’ll have to reset the beacon here so we can transport back in case things go south. We’ll need you two mammals here for the same reasons.” Marcus told the 6 others. The 4-man squadron entered the codes on their transporters, teleporting them back to the New Albacore Hotel. Once they were there, they saw dozens of zombies milling about the rooftop. The second the zombies noticed them, they ran at the agents, who all readied their weapons. “Well? Was there this many when you first got here?” “No, Marie, it was just me and Kat.” “Well, maybe the one that bit me got his friends up here?” “I doubt they’ve got that kind of agency.” Lauren pointed out. “I’m willing to bet they operate on some kind of hive mind.” “whatever the case, we have a mission.” Marcus readied his rapid-fire splatling gun, “let’s cure these suckers!” the four agents readied their weapons, charging at the zombies with intent to cure.

“So, you guys work for some kind of foundation?” While the other agents were out on what she’d decided to call ‘the battle of New Albacore’, Calllie had decided to try striking up a conversation with the personnel from the other universe. “Yeah, I'm the head of research at site-” Crow bit the hem of his shirt, snapping, “Kondraki! Don’t tell her too much!” “Oh, please. It’s not like it matters in this dimension.” He quickly turned to face Callie. “Say, you guys don’t have interdimensional capabilities, do you?” “Uh, no. Up until last week, the idea of alternate universes was a hypothetical at most.” “Believe me, kid, if my hunch is right, you’ll wish it stayed that way.” Kondraki told her. “Why? What’s your hunch?” “Well, my four-legged friend, considering the way that 008 spontaneously disappeared, only to reappear in this dimension, it seems entirely likely that 682 entering this universe may have caused some sort of dimensional imbalance.” “Yes, well, what about the time we sent it to another dimension attached to 507? Nothing of this sort happened then.” “True. But last time, we didn’t send in five researchers after it.” “so you’re saying that your own actions inadvertently caused a transdimensional paradox in the space-time continuum that can only be fixed by reversing the flux capacitors utilizing multimodal reflection sorting?” The two scientists stared at Callie, dumbfounded at what she’d said. “What? I wanted to sound smart. Did it work?” “No. Just stop embarrassing yourself. Now.” Kondraki said bluntly. “Much as I hate to interrupt this thrilling conversation, we should discuss the implications of Kondraki’s theory.” Kain tried to get the trio back on track. “If he’s correct, and I suspect he may be, then the barrier between our dimensions may be in the process of gradually breaking down as a direct result of a higher-dimensional being such as SCP-682 entering this dimension, as well as several foundation researchers.” “wha-” “a whole bunch of SCPs are going to start invading your reality until our two universes collide with each other and get annihilated in the process.” Kondraki said, completely nonchalant. “Oh, okay. Just excuse me a sec.” Callie casually walked into the nearby shack, where she proceeded to clear her throat before screaming in abject horror.

The battle of New Albacore had rendered the entire building covered in various hues of ink. Marie’s charger was painfully slow, so she had to compensate by trying to shoot multiple zombies at once. Lauren’s splattershot had a much better firing speed, but the sub-par range meant she had to get fairly close to her targets. Katherine’s dualies allowed her to target multiple zombies at once, but had a below-average firing speed. Marcus was doing by far the most damage to the hordes, as his splatling combined a decent range with great firing speed. However, it took a while to recharge after each shot, meaning he had to keep his distance regularly. After several hours, they were back at the entrance of the hotel, exhausted and covered in green, yellow, pink, and blue ink. Every time one of the zombies had been cured, they were rendered unconscious from the sheer impact of the ink strikes, meaning the cover story could be upheld with minimal difficulty; the ink stains could be explained by temporary gas-leak-induced psychosis. It wasn’t entirely flawless, but it would probably work on the majority of civilians. In any case, it would be more readily believed than a spontaneous zombie outbreak from another dimension. Satisfied with the outcome of the mission, the four agents activated their transporters to teleport back to base after making sure no one could see them. There, callie was shuddering and muttering incomprehensibly while drs. Crow and Kondraki were eating popcorn. While most of the agents were shocked at the sight, Marie just sighed and said, “Oh for the love of… Callie, you didn’t look up our pictures on the internet again, did you? You remember what happened last time.” “Alright, what did you two do?” Marcus asked. “Oh, I just told her that your entire dimension is at risk of being destroyed from an influx of SCP items, caused by the earlier incursion of 682, a being from a higher plane of existence.” Kondraki explained. “Popcorn? I’ve bet Crow 5 bucks that she’ll recover in another 20 minutes. He’s got 20 on her recovering in an hour.”


	7. red sea object

“Oh, I’m sorry. What!?” Lauren shouted at the two, causing Kain to hide his tail between his legs. “You mean to tell me our entire dimension is going to die?” She tried to sound calm, but if anything the attempt just made her scarier. “Why are you two so calm about it? Your universe is in danger too.” “You think this is the first time we’ve had to flee a universe before it was destroyed? Please.” Kondraki rebutted. “I...bu...yeah, well, maybe you two can just flee between dimensions at a moment’s notice, but we’re not so lucky. We need to figure out a way to stop this, and you two aren’t leaving until we do.” “My apologies, child, but you can hardly keep us here.” Kain said. “Wait. You two said you were here to contain that zombie virus. So, if any more of your ‘SCPs’ show up...” Katherine tried to convince them “Very well. I suppose we can stay, at least until we’ve contained enough items.” Crow ceded. “A week, at most. Maybe a month if the food’s good” Kondraki argued. “Alright, fair enough. I’ll grab something from outside. Trust me, you’ll love it.” Marcus offered. As he was walking out, he saw a strange object near the mirror. When he went to investigate, he noticed it was a small red disk with strange symbols engraved on it. “What the… is this another-” before he could finish, he fell into the mirror. While this would normally result in a broken mirror and several stitches at worst, the added presence of the red disk had caused the mirror to turn into a portal to a post-apocalyptic alternate earth.

“Mark! What happened!? Explain, now!” Callie demanded. “Well, first off, Crow owes me a fiver. Second off, your friend has fallen into SCP-093, a dangerous alternate dimension where he’ll most likely be ripped apart by undead kaiju. Not to worry, though. I have an idea.” “Oh no. No, no, no. Last time you had a plan, you caused a dozen different containment breaches in the process of fixing one.” “well, I got them all back, didn’t I?” “Yeah, after most of the site was destroyed and the nuclear failsafe nearly had to be deployed! This time, I’ll do the planning.” “Alright. What’s your plan?” Kondraki asked, bitterly. “Well, I suggest we send him help from someone who’s been to that universe and survived. Namely, Lord Blackwood.” “Wait, who’s Lord Blackwood?” Kat asked the dog, not even caring how strange this all was anymore. “No one much. Just a telepathic sea slug who fancies himself a 19th-century british explorer.” “Oh. Of course; that makes too much sense.” Marie snarked. “Wait. How do you plan to get Blackwood?” Kondraki realized. “Last I checked, he was locked up in site-19.” “Kondraki, have you forgotten that I’m a level 4 operative? All I have to do is sneeze in the guards’ direction and they’ll let me in.” “Well, why not send me then? I’m also level 4.” “No undue disrespect, Kondraki, but this requires subtlety so as to not draw suspicion to what we’re doing here. You just so happen to have all the subtlety of an explosive hammer.” Kondraki decided it wasn’t worth arguing anymore, dropping a device to activate a portal. Dr. Kain Pathos Crow walked through the portal to find Lord Theodore Thomas Blackwood.

Marcus found himself in a wide desert expanse, right next to a steep cliff face. He decided to look out over the cliff, and immediately regretted it. The creature was about 500 feet long and 100 feet tall. It walked on hands attached to arms whose lengths seemed to fluctuate as they moved, dragging its legless torso along the sand-covered ground. Its skin was uncannily pale, and its face lacked any visage, instead a blank surface that wandered about the landscape aimlessly. Marcus dove backwards, ducking behind some ruins to avoid being sighted. Even though the creature didn’t have any eyes to see with, nose to smell with, or ears to hear with, it must’ve had some way of hunting for food. In any case, the last thing he wanted was to get anywhere near that abomination. Deciding there was nothing for it, he turned and ran to the other side, desperately hoping he wouldn’t encounter any more of those creatures. After what felt like several hundred miles, he came across the remains of a barnyard. There were no surrounding features, the fence had disappeared long ago, and all that remained of the livestock was the odd bone pile. The front wall of the barn had collapsed, along with part of the roof. Nonetheless, it was some form of shelter, however shoddy it may have been, and Marcus was exhausted and desperate for anywhere to rest and hide from the beasts that patrolled this land. He had encountered a half dozen of them along his travels, each time diving onto the ground in the hope that he was small and quiet enough to escape their notice. Now, he ran into the barn, sitting on an old mattress on a bed frame to rest. The bare mattress was hard as a rock from lack of care, and was one of the only furnishings in the room. After a few hours of laying on the bed, continually trying and failing to fall asleep, Marcus noticed a hatch on the floor. Curious as to what it might be, he decided to investigate. The handle on the hatch barely moved when he pulled, forcing Marcus to use all his strength to open it. When he did, a strange, musky smell wafted into the room. Marcus wasn’t sure if he could put the stench into words; it was like a culmination of decades of rot and decay. Coughing and rubbing his eyes, he climbed down a rusty metal ladder, ignoring the cold and bugs that nearly covered his hands. There was a minimal amount of natural light from outside, and the light switch had gone dead long ago. Feeling around in the darkness, Marcus eventually found a flashlight and batteries. Moving to the base of the ladder where the light was brightest, he managed to install the batteries, removing the cobwebs on the flashlight to find, to his amazement, that it still worked. Surveying the room, he noticed various cans and containers of food, the majority of them either rotted and infested with bugs, or already eaten. Wondering where the inhabitants of the bunker were, he searched some more with the flashlight until coming across a pair of skeletons, covered in cobwebs. Realizing these must have been the survivors who chose to hide here from the dangers outside, Marcus decided to keep moving, and see if there was anything useful here. All he found was enough safe-looking food to last him about a week if he rationed it properly, and a day’s worth of warm, stale water. The food and water were at least covered when he found them, so he figured the odds of bug infestation were low. In another room, he found a bed, this one having a pillow and blankets rather than just a bare mattress. Deciding it was better than nothing, Marcus covered himself and tried to fall asleep despite the cold, as well as the underlying fear that he might never escape this eldritch, monster-infested wasteland.


	8. a gentleman

Dr. Crow found himself back at site-19, surrounded by researchers going about their jobs. After walking down the hall for several minutes, he came across SCP-1867’s containment chamber. “Pardon me.” “Huh… Oh, dr. Crow. I thought you were out with dr. Kondraki.” “never mind that. I need to see SCP-1867. It’s urgent.” The guard looked hesitant, but opened the door without question. “Good work. And if you see whoever told you about me and Kondraki leaving, please turn them in to a superior officer.” When the door closed, Crow noticed a medium-sized fish tank. Inside was a brightly-colored sea slug, crawling around the tank. When it noticed Crow, it spoke in a british accent, “Ah, Dr. Kain. I was wondering when you would come to speak with me again. What brings you here, old chap?” “Apologies, 1867, but you are needed urgently. Someone has fallen into a hostile alternate world, and you’re going to follow him in and help him return home.” “Well now, finally an adventure worthy of my experience. And a rescue mission, to boot! Let it never be said that Lord Theodore Thomas Blackwood turned down a request to aid those in need!” “does that mean you’ll go?” “Of course it does, good doctor. What self-respecting naturalist such as myself would turn down an opportunity to explore a new world, and aid another in the process?” “Very good, sir.” Kain activated the portal, taking the handle on Blackwood’s tank in his jaws and carrying it through. “Well, what do you know? He actually made it.” Kondraki said as Crow set Lord Blackwood’s tank on the nearby table. “Don’t act so surprised. Blackwood here has agreed to help your friend.” “Good. Will you want any payment?” Marie asked the sea slug. “Don’t be ridiculous. I haven’t been on a good adventure in ages. I’ll be happy to return your friend home free of charge, provided I can find him of course. Now, where’d you last see him?” Lauren pointed over to the remains of the broken mirror, where SCP-093 lay still. “Well, I say, I believe I recognize that artifact from the late 1870’s. Fortunately, I believe my experience in that world will help me retrieve your friend. Now tell me, what does he look like?” Katherine held up a picture of their group from last month, pointing to Marcus. “Right here. His name’s Marcus.” “By Jove, a colored picture! Will such wonders never cease? Now then, here’s my plan. While the mirror has been broken, the individual pieces can still be used to enter what I have dubbed the land of the unclean. However, the portal won’t operate on that side, so I’ll need the 6 of you to stay here and fix the mirror. That way, I can retrieve your friend Marcus and lead him back to the portal.” “Good plan, but how do you plan to find him? I’m no expert in alternate universes, but it’s probably a big place.” Callie asked him. “Have faith in me, young one. I could scarcely call myself a naturalist were I not an expert tracker. No, my real concern is the unclean for which I have named this world. They are truly monstrous creatures, vulnerable only to the holiest of weaponry. If your friend has come across one and failed to hide, then I fear his chances of survival are naught.” “I wouldn’t say that.” Katherine interjected. “You haven’t seen Marcus run.” “Perhaps. But you haven’t seen an unclean run either. In a race with a bolt of lightning, I believe an unclean would win invariably. Now then, off I go.” Dr. Kondraki took Blackwood out of his tank, placing him on the ground so he could crawl over to the red disk and enter the portal in the nearest mirror shard. “Now then, I suggest you five start fixing that portal.” When Kain realized the others were giving him odd looks, he added, “Well? I’m a dog. How do you expect me to pick up mirror shards?” The rest of the group thought for a moment, and decided that made sense.

Day 7. Running out of food and water. No idea where civilization is, assuming there is any civilization here. Every time I try to leave, I’m scared away by one of those things. What happened to create them? On second thought, I don’t want to know. I’m afraid I don’t know if I have any chance of survival. At least I didn’t have any arguments with my friends, so no regrets there. I’m sure they’ll be able to keep going without me. If not, the universe is dead.  
Marcus put down the journal. He’d found a small book of blank papers, and subsequently decided to keep a log of his experiences in the hopes of distracting himself from his fear. Unfortunately, he didn’t have much to write about except for his fear, so it wasn’t working out like he’d hoped. He walked over to the skeletons he’d encountered when he first found the bunker, trying once again to strike up a conversation. “So, you two come here often? Robert, did you build this place? I can’t imagine how long that must have taken.” “Neither can I. Someone must’ve been planning months ahead.” Marcus paused. Over the past several days, the skeletons hadn’t spoken to him. Made sense; they were skeletons, after all. However, a voice had just come out of the skeleton to the left. “Who said that? Show yourself.” He didn’t sound nearly as intimidating as he’d hoped. “Right here, child.” A voice with a british accent came from one of the eye sockets, where Marcus noticed a brightly-colored sea slug. “Who are you?” He asked. “I go by the moniker of Lord Theodore Thomas Blackwood. I take it you’re Marcus.” “Yeah, last I checked. But how do you know my name, and why are you a slug?” “Now don’t you go starting with that nonsense too. You look much too young to be drinking, especially so much you would think me a mere slug. I am the most distinguished adventurer and naturalist of the 19th-century, and I will not tolerate such disrespect. Now, as to your name and my knowledge thereof, I was sent to retrieve you. Your friends are currently fixing the mirror through which you entered, so that we may go back through the portal.” Marcus found himself overjoyed. “Yes! I knew it! I knew they’d try and find me! But why’d they send you?” “Most likely because they’d heard of my experiences in this realm, and of my other exploits over the years.” He got a better look at Marcus, realizing he wasn’t as human as he’d first appeared. “By heavens, boy! What divergence of evolution brought you about?” “What? Oh, you want to know what I am, right?” “Well, yes. I can tell you aren’t human by the markings around your eyes, the odd structure of your head, and the most unusual nature of your hair. Why, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say your head was adorned with tentacles. I should know, seeing as I was responsible for slaying the kraken of the mediterannean in 1850.” “I, what, oh, whatever. I’m not going to question it. Anyway, I’m an inkling.” “You’re a vague thought?” Blackwood sounded confused. “No. I’m...well, you probably don’t have any of my species where you come from. I’m a distant descendant of squids. Your dimension has those, right?” “Why yes, of course we do. Quite fascinating creatures, really. If you wouldn’t mind, I would like the opportunity to study you with a more scientific approach.” “Yeah, maybe later.” “Right, right. For now, we must escape this realm.” “I’ve tried to leave, but I keep seeing those giant beasts around.” “Ah, yes, the unclean. A most threatening adversary, indeed. Pray tell, do you have any holy weapons?” Marcus looked around the bunker, dark and musky, devoid of anything truly useful. “No, sorry. Fresh out of holy weapons.” “Most unfortunate. An unclean may only be slain by holy weapons, so without any we’ll have to hide if we see one of those abominations.” “Got it. How long do you think it’ll take us to get back to the portal?” Blackwood thought for a moment. “Should be no more than a week or so, seeing as that’s how long it took me to get here.” Marcus thought for a moment. “Are you sure about that? Cause it only took me half a day to get here.” “Well now, how odd. I wonder how that could be.” “Yeah, I wonder.” Marcus said sarcastically. Could it be that I’m 100 times bigger than you, you delusional slug? “Anyway, let’s get out of here.” Marcus picked up Lord Blackwood and climbed back up the ladder. Once he’d gotten back to the surface, he sprinted in the direction he’d come from., making sure to avoid the unclean. After about 10-12 hours, the two of them finally caught sight of the portal. “Very good, my boy! I say, you could make a truly fine adventurer!” Blackwood congratulated jubilantly. “Yay...” Marcus’s voice trailed off in exhaustion. “Now all that’s left to do is-BY JOVE IT’S SPOTTED US! RUN BOY! RUN LIKE HELL!” The unclean on the steep side of the cliff had let out a horrifying screech, high-pitched and loud enough to be heard from miles away. It started running at the two, covering hundreds of feet in mere seconds. Despite the portal only being a few feet away, the unclean had nearly caught up with them by the time they reached the portal. The second before Marcus jumped through with Lord Blackwood in hand, the unclean swiped at him with its massive hand, missing by less than an inch. As soon as he was through the portal, he picked up his splatling gun from nearby and threw it at the mirror. Simultaneously, the unclean was passing through to enter their dimension.


	9. a perfectly normal, regular old IKEA

“Everyone, run, now! We haven’t much time!” Blackwood commanded the group as Marcus dropped him into his tank, refit the lid, and gripped the handle before running off with the others: Callie, Marie, Lauren, Katherine, Kondraki, and Crow. While the 4 inklings, octoling, human, dog, and sea slug were escaping through the base’s auxiliary entrance, the unclean was trying to get its gigantic form through the portal. When the group got to the surface, the agents realized what they’d done wrong in the chaos: they’d allowed humans into the public. “Oh, oh no. We have to hide you guys, now.” Marie told them as she searched around for somewhere out of the way, where they could hide the humans without being spotted. While she was searching, a massive hand reached out of the ground, holding the shack from inside their base. While the few civilians still out in the middle of the night were running, most screaming in confusion and fear while others were scared into silence or even paralysis, the hand launched the shack across the square, where it broke the front wall of the building the news was recorded in. When the other hand emerged several feet away, the party of 8 sprinted into the center of the square, figuring that nobody would notice them at this point. Surveying for somewhere to escape through, Katherine noticed a building that she’d never seen before, with a large sign on top reading “IKEA.” Ordinarily, she would’ve hesitated. Ordinarily, though, she wasn’t running away from a zombie kaiju from a parallel universe, while accompanied by 3 creatures who had to be kept secret from the public. The others must’ve agreed, seeing as the entire group found themselves running towards the building. Only after they’d gotten in did Kondraki point out anything odd. “Wait a minute, didn’t we have an SCP that was an IKEA building?” “Yeah, I think...Oh no.” Crow realized something that he wished he’d remembered earlier. “We’ve trapped ourselves in the infinite IKEA.” “don’t be so melodramatic.” Marcus told him “We’re not trapped; the exit’s right over...” He realized the exit was no longer where he was pointing, instead replaced with endless rows of shelves. “...there. Hoo boy.” “Come, fellows. We must continue forth, and see if we can find some way out.” The group followed Blackwood’s advice, walking down the aisle. After several hours, they encountered a strange creature. It was a tall humanoid, with long, gangly limbs. When it turned around, they could see it had no face. “Excuse me, but the store is closed at this time. Please exit and return when we reopen in the morning.” Its voice sounded much calmer than they’d expected. Kat decided to see if the thing could help them. “Actually, we’re just looking for the exit. If you could point us towards-” The humanoid ran at the group, clearly intending to kill them. Marcus ran at the thing, ducking under its blows until he got close enough to swing his splatling gun at its face. The weapon was big enough that the impact winded the creature, giving Kain enough time to jump on top of it. He kept it pinned to the floor while Callie crushed it with her roller. Dr. Kondraki finished it off by shooting it several times in the head. “Jolly good, dear fellows! I daresay we might just make it out of here alive yet.” Blackwood congratulated the 4 of them. “Yeah, thanks. Now come on, we have to find other survivors.” Kondraki commanded them. “Alright, how do we get there?” Callie asked. Kondraki thought for a moment. “I have no idea!” He sounded strangely excited, like this was all some sort of adventure to him. The squadron started wandering around, searching for fellow survivors. When they got to the tenth frozen food aisle, they ducked behind the counter at what they saw. The humanoids, about a dozen or so, wandered around the aisle. “Crow! What are those things?” Kat whispered to the dog. “Those are the employees of SCP-3008, the infinite IKEA. By the survivors’ logs we’ve recovered, we’ve gathered they’re quite docile during the day, but at night, well...” His voice trailed off; he had no need to continue. Despite the group’s attempts to remain quiet, one of the employees screeched in their direction. The rest followed suit, going after the group. Marcus, Lauren, Katherine, Marie, and Kondraki tried shooting at them, but they just kept coming. If anything, there now seemed to be more of them. “Loathe though I am to admit it, I believe we must be retreating. I am typically not one to surrender so easily, but-what the dickens are you doing?!” Marcus had grabbed Blackwood’s tank and was now sprinting down the aisles, pursued by the rest of their merry band and a small army of ravenous IKEA employees. “Sorry man, but you’re old-timey talk is a lot less fun when we’re all about to get ripped apart!” After a few minutes, they found themselves at a dead end, with cardboard boxes stacked hundreds of feet up, far past where the ceiling should have been. “This must be a survivor base!” Kondraki announced, grinning in relief. “Are you sure, good fellow? I thought it a mere pile of boxes arbitrarily stacked together.” “You’re kidding. Was that sarcasm? Coming from you, old Blackwood?” “I am still capable of making a jest now and then, my good man.” “We don’t have time for this!” Kain interjected. “Those things are getting closer by the second!” He started pawing at the front of the fortification, shouting, “Let us in, now!” a slit opened in front of him, revealing a pair of blue eyes. “Password?” The voice was clearly male, not that that mattered to anyone at the time. “The password is screw you, let us in, and we’re all gonna die!” Kondraki shouted, knocking Crow away from the opening in the process. “Yeah, sorry about that. Can’t risk letting outsiders in, though.” “well, what if we aided you in fending off these savages?” Blackwood suggested. “Now that might be another story.” The slit closed, and they could hear a faint voice. “Oi! We’ve got some newcomers who want to help us fight the employees!” The group outside couldn’t wait for them, as the employees had finally caught up to them. “Alright team, help or no help, It’s time to stand our ground!” Marie shot her charger at the employees, knocking over a small group of them in the process. Within a few seconds, they all got up, ready to keep attacking. Marcus shot a swift, punishing round with his splatling. Kondraki aimed his shotgun, filling their heads with bullets. Kain had to get closer to start biting and clawing at them, while Callie used the size of her roller to her advantage, knocking over one or two at a time. Lauren and Katherine were able to keep their distance, but weren’t able to do as much damage as the others. lord Blackwood, being a slug, was only able to shout encouragement. They continued for about 15 minutes, but the employees kept coming. Soon enough, they started to get tired out. Kondraki, Kain, Lauren, and Katherine were able to keep going because their weapons were light, while Marcus, Callie, and Marie used heavier weapons that tired them out faster. While Lauren was about to get mauled from behind, she heard the sound of a rifle firing, and the employee lay dead. The team looked at the entrance of the survivor base, seeing a dozen people carrying various weapons. “Behold, companions! Reinforcements have arrived! Our salvation is at hand!” The dozen survivors joined the group in fighting the zombies, picking up the slack and helping them cut down all the employees within minutes. By the time they were finished, dozens of employee corpses littered the aisle. “There’ll be more of them. Come inside, now.” One of the newcomers-sounded like the guard-commanded them. The others complied, everyone running inside the survivor base. Once they were in, Kondraki closed the door, while one of the other survivors locked it. “Alright, everyone fine? Good! Welcome to the firearm tribe!” The leader of the tribe greeted them. “Funny, I wasn’t aware IKEAs had firearm sections.” Kondraki pointed out. Marie rebutted, “Are most IKEAs infinite and filled with zombies?” Kain decided to get introductions started. “Greetings, my new friends. I am-” “Why is the dog talking?” One of the tribe members asked, staring at Kain. “You live in an infinite IKEA. At this point, I’d think a talking dog shouldn’t be that weird to you.” Lauren pointed out. “Fair enough. Say, you’re not human, are you?” At this point, Katherine decided to enter the conversation. “Well, we’re pretty sure he’s human-” She pointed to dr. Kondraki. “-but I’m an octoling, and these others are inklings.” “Fascinating. I can’t say I’ve heard of such a species.” Piped up a new voice. “Yeah, well, we’re actually from another dimen- HEY!” One of the firearm tribe members had grabbed her hair, and was now studying it. Startled, Katherine turned and bit his arm, cutting into the skin-not too deep, but enough to get him to let go. “Sorry, sorry! I just wanted to study you!” “At last! A fellow man of science! Though perhaps it might be more pertinent to gain permission when studying a sentient organism.” Kondraki just shrugged, an odd look on his face. “Hold it, the slug talks to?” Another tribesman asked. “Slug? I beg your pardon? I am lord Theodore Thomas Blackwood, famed naturalist and explorer of Great Britain. I will not tolerate such demeaning slurs, even from someone who has saved me from the unholy inhabitants of this wretched place.” “Just humour him, man. Trust me, it’s easier that way.” Marcus told him. “I… alright, I will.” “Just out of curiosity, exactly what sort of studies do you want to do on me?” Kat asked. “Oh you know, standard IQ tests, some blood samples, physical examination, dissecting you to study your organic structure.” “Uh, I think I’ll pass.” “Oh, well, I’d pay you. Of course, our entire currency is built on trade with the other tribes.” “Hold up? Other tribes?” Callie asked hopefully. “Oh yeah, there’s a bunch of them. Exchange and returns, checkouts, aisle 630, self-serve, LEGO, household tools, bedroom furniture, kitchenware, camping supplies, there’s dozens of tribes all over. Most of us are actually on friendly terms, considering the staff give us all a common enemy. Plus, all the supplies get restocked at night and this place is literally infinite, so it’s not like there’s any reason to fight over resources or territory.” “Fascinating. What a remarkable example of human sociology, and the resilience of the species in the face of crisis.” lord Blackwood replied. “Yeah, something like that. Anyway, I suppose we ought to introduce ourselves. I am shotgun, the leader of the firearm tribe. You see, we have all forgotten who we once were, so we’ve taken on new names. My companions go by Med Kit, Lawnmower, Bathroom Sign, Ottoman, Wide-Screen TV, Loveseat, Mahogany Table, Vacuum Cleaner, Foldable Chair, Automatic Rifle, and Elmer.” He pointed to each of his fellows in turn. “I take it Elmer’s still got his memories.” Kain said. “Nope.” one of the firearm tribesmen announced. “They just found me with a bottle of Elmer’s glue stuck to my forehead.” “Do I even want to know how the rest of you got your names?” Lauren asked. “Well, most of us are named after the furniture we were found near.” Med Kit replied. “I just happen to be the closest thing to a medic around here, and I was found in the first-aid section. Funny how that works out, isn’t it.” “Pardon my query, but if you were located in the first aid section, should you not be living in the town there?” “I heard that the town was destroyed by the employees a few weeks ago. They only just started to rebuild it.” “Hey, wait a second! I just got an idea! Marie, are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Callie asked her cousin. “Of course I am. And since we’re in an infinite IKEA, we should have no problem gathering a dozen rolls of toilet paper, some hand sanitizer, and a few cans of soft drinks.” Everyone stared at her blankly, Callie replying “No, just, just no. I’m thinking we should form an alliance of a dozen or so tribes, revolt against the staff, and find a way out of this dump!” “Great plan, genius, except you forgot one thing.” Marcus pointed out, “This is an infinite IKEA. The operative word being ‘infinite’.” “Actually-” Ottoman countered him, “There have been sightings of people who found the exit and managed to escape that way. The door teleports randomly, though, so there’s no way to track it down.” “Well now, if this store truly is infinite, then this doorway out may very well be at any location at any time. I daresay, it could take perhaps months-years, even-to procure it.” lord Blackwood’s words carried a certain weight to them, giving the other 19 individuals a sense of dread. Deciding they couldn’t let despair get the best of them, Marie piled up some stray soap boxes, standing on top of them and shouting, “Alright, listen up! I know the odds are against us getting out. But people have done it before, haven’t they?” “Yes, actually. In fact, most of our knowledge about this place comes from a journal we recovered from someone who escaped shortly before being mauled to death by a member of staff.” “I’m just going to ignore that last bit.” She continued, “Anyway, here’s the plan: Everyone who was here before my group got here, split up and take some sort of communication devices with you. Each of you, go to a different tribe and tell them we’re making an alliance at the firearm tribe. Any questions?” Automatic Rifle replied, “Since the staff are docile by day, I figure we should leave then, and take the walkie-talkies we have nearby. As for your group, I’d recommend you use the time to go looking for food and water” “Great! Any more suggestions- Marcus, these soap boxes can’t support two.” “Relax, I just want to ask everyone a question.” He turned to the group, mostly the members of the firearm tribe. “Is there any reason why we’re only just now doing this?” Bathroom Sign piped up, “Maybe we just didn’t think of it.” Marcus looked exasperated. “How long have you guys been here?” “Anywhere from 8 to ten years” Med Kit answered. “You guys have been here a decade, and you never once thought to team up with the other tribes? No wonder you guys went extinct.” Marcus said, completely deadpan. Marie decided to shut him up before he said anything else. “Okay, well, great insight, really good stuff.” She said before pushing him off the box pile. “Now, if there aren’t any more questions...” she paused for a few seconds to no answer. “Alright, everyone do whatever it is you do at night. We leave in the morning.” After that, most of the tribe went off to the 2 makeshift sleeping quarters. The inkling and octoling agents went in the same quarters as Med Kit and Elmer, while Kondraki, Crow, and Blackwood opted to help shotgun and Automatic Rifle keep watch for staff.

Katherine turned to Med Kit. “Hey, dissection dude. Are you ready for tomorrow?” Med Kit replied, “Yeah, pretty sure I’m ready. Sorry about that, by the way.” “Don’t worry; water under the bridge. Speaking of which, how’s the arm? Y’know, the one I bit?” “I’m a medic, kid. Of course I’m fine.” Marie asked him, “So, when you say medic, do you mean doctor, vet-” “Anatomy teacher, actually.” “So, you’re not an actual doctor, then.” The white-haired inkling accused him. “Well, I’m just the closest thing we’ve got in this tribe. Besides, I once performed CPR on a hobo. I figure that counts for something.” “Hey, not to sound rude, but your green friend seems really jaded about something.” Elmer added. “Well, sorry, but spending a week in a post-apocalyptic alternate dimension filled with giant unkillable monsters can do that to a guy.” “A week?” Callie sounded confused. “You were only gone for a few hours at most.” Marcus shot up in bed, not even caring that he made himself dizzy from moving so fast. “You mean that I spent seven days holed out in a bunker, eating expired food and drinking stale water, with nothing but skeletons and bugs for company, and for you guys it was only a few hours?” His voice sounded like it was about to crack. “I’m afraid so. Sorry about that.” “Yeah, thanks.” “Hey, kid. We’ve been here for years, and personally, the only thing that’s kept me going is the sense of unity we all have.” Elmer replied. “I can’t imagine being alone for that long; I was found on my first day here.” “Yeah, thanks, but don’t worry about it. I’m sure I’ll forget about it someday. And I’m sure you’ll all forget someday, after we’ve escaped.” “Hey, I just realized something.” Katherine said. “If we escape, won’t we be releasing dozens of humans into our world?” “Kat, think about it.” Lauren argued, “We’ve already got that unclean thing running around out there. At this point, keeping the situation secret would only do more harm than good.” “Wait, what’s an unclean?” Med Kit asked. “Giant, undead monsters. One followed me through the portal when I escaped from that other dimension. Y’know, honestly, part of me doesn’t even want to escape this place, because then I’ll have to see how much that thing’s destroyed.” “We have to, though. It’s the reason our team exists, to protect our city no matter what.” Callie responded. “Yeah, I know. You should, too, seeing as you created it.” “Actually, I didn’t. I may be agent 1, but my grandfather founded the group, and the original squidbeak splatoon from a hundred years ago, the one that fought in the great turf war.” “Y’know, I have no idea what you two are talking about, but it’s fascinating.” Med Kit piped up. “Oh, yeah, guess you wouldn’t really have any context to our history.” Katherine offered, “I could give you some of our history books, and some science articles. We’ve even studied our own anatomy so you don’t have to dissect anyone.” “Thanks. You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?” “Nope.” Kat chuckled. “But don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll all find some way to make it in our world. There’s plenty of uninhabited territory to establish a new settlement in.” “Hey, I just realized something.” Marie shot up, sounding worried, “lord Blackwood, the slug with the accent, said that the unclean can only be killed by holy weaponry. I don’t suppose there’s any of that in here, is there?” “No, I don’t think so. Sorry about that.” Elmer replied. “Alright. Don’t worry, I’m sure we can find some way to get rid of it.” Lauren said. Unable to think of anything else to talk about, the seven of them drifted off to sleep within the hour.

The army had gathered in the center of the firearm tribe’s hideout. The entire place had been cleared out in preparation; they would all either escape or die trying. Hundreds of people from dozens of tribes had gathered from all over the store, and there was plenty of food and other essential supplies for the human inhabitants to bring with them into the new world. “Wow. I only told you guys to recruit one tribe each.” Marie told Shotgun. They stood together in front of the army; the leaders of the firearm tribe and the new squidbeak splatoon both raised on a podium made of furniture pieces. “Well, turns out some of them went and made recruitments of their own.” “Hey, I’m not complaining. The more the merrier.” She turned to the rest of the alliance, along with Shotgun. “Alright, I’m sure you’re all wondering why we’re having this alliance. Well, first off, I want the others who I came into this place with me to step up.” Callie, Marcus, Katherine, Kondraki, Lauren, Crow, and Blackwood stepped up to the podium along with Marie and Shotgun, Blackwood’s tank being carried by Kondraki. Shotgun addressed them, “We have all gathered today for one goal: escape!” The main reaction seemed to be cheers, though some seemed skeptical, or even apprehensive. “Now, I’m sure you’re all wondering one thing, though now you’re also probably wondering why the dog is talking. Well, I’ll leave that one up to the imagination.” Kain said, continuing, “You’re probably mostly wondering how we plan to get out. You see, we’ve discovered that this place does have an exit, it just teleports around randomly.” Callie then continued, “Therefore, our plan is to go around the store, picking up anyone we can, be they individuals or entire tribes. Don’t worry about not having enough space in the new world; there’s thousands of miles of uninhabited territory outside the city limits. The different tribe leaders will join me and my fellows as field commanders. If they would step up, please.” All the tribe leaders migrated to the makeshift podium; 50 of them now, including the 7 non-humans. The leader of Exchange and Returns announced, “Because larger numbers of staff are attracted to larger groups of people, it’s absolutely crucial that each of us carry a weapon that we’re at least familiar with. Since we’re in the firearm tribe, I figure now’s the time to arm yourselves.” Dozens of people, including some of the leaders, left to get weapons before returning to position. Once that was finished, Shotgun shouted into the crowd, “ALRIGHT, EVERYONE! NOW WHO’S READY TO ESCAPE THIS HELLHOLE!” The response was unanimous: everyone cheered for freedom. “THEN WE SET OUT NOW!” That’s exactly what they did.

Inkopolis was in ruins. 24 hours ago, a creature had emerged from beneath the main square. It was an abomination, a half-formed, legless and faceless colossus that dragged itself on its arms and destroyed all in its path without care or discrimination. The city had been evacuated within a few hours, but most of the square was in shambles. The casualties numbered in the dozens, and the damages were worth hundreds of millions. Marina thought about all of this, while piloting a helicopter with her best friend, Pearl, in the back. Sure, the city was big enough that only a quarter of it had been destroyed, but the creature was so massive that everyone figured it was only a matter of time until Inkopolis was reduced to rubble. Even worse, a century of peacetime meant the only military was those secret agents-the ones who’d presumably stopped that zombie outbreak-and they’d seemingly disappeared off the face of the earth. “I can’t believe it’s all gone.” She heard her friend’s voice mutter. It was strange hearing Pearl sound so despondent; usually she was by far the more energetic of the two. Marina decided to try and cheer her up. “Well, look on the bright side. At least everyone got outside the city. Besides, I’m sure the agents will be back before long.” “What if they’re not, though? What if that thing killed them already? What if there’s no way to kill it? What if-” “Enough. We can’t afford to focus on what ifs. Our job is to report on damages. You ready?” “I...yeah. Yeah, I’m ready.” “Good. Can you set it up? I’m kind of driving right now.”

After about an hour, the head of the wilderness survival equipment tribe shouted, “I see the exit! Over there!” Callie confirmed, “He’s right! Come on you apes, you wanna live forever?! Let’s go!” The tribesmen all charged at the exit, only to be blocked by an army of thousands of employees. They screeched their shrill wails, threatening to draw blood from the listeners’ ears. Without hesitation, the coalition engaged the staff in glorious, savage combat. They’d picked up several other tribes on the way to the exit, so their numbers had increased substantially. Everyone was armed, so the staff didn’t stand a chance. A few dozen of the humans fell, but a few hundred of the employees also fell. “Remember, we’re not trying to kill all the employees, we’re just trying to get through the exit!” shouted the leader of the bedroom furniture tribe. Everyone complied; they were all sick of living in a store dimension inhabited by inhuman monsters. Eventually, they saw an opening in the enemy forces. They exploited the weak spot, rushing through the gap and finally making it out the door. What greeted them was a smoking crater of ashes, which they couldn’t fully register as staff started pouring out of the exit. The tribesmen all engaged them in battle as a rope ladder descended from a helicopter. They heard Pearl’s voice, amplified by a megaphone. “GET UP HERE! WE’RE SAVING YOU, SUCKERS!” the agents started climbing the ladder, Marie shouting, “Kondraki, Crow, Blackwood, you’re coming with us!” Kondraki came up, while Kain had to hold the handle to Blackwood’s tank while carefully climbing with his paws. Only when the agents got into the helicopter did they realise how much they’d have to explain. Pearl’s face when the other three got in said it all, really. “What are they doing here? What’s going on? Where’ve you guys been? Everything’s gone insane since you left!”. “Okay, I may have left a few things out of our last conversation” Marcus started to explain, “But long story short, anomalies from another dimension are leaking into our reality, these guys are from that reality and they’re trying to help us contain the anomalies, and there’s an army of humans outside we just liberated from an infinite store dimension.” Kondraki then added, “Also, that thing that’s destroying your city is a kaiju from a different alternate dimension that can only be killed by holy weapons.” “Well then, I don’t suppose any of you brought any holy weapons, did you?” “I am afraid not, young miss. However, I do have a hypothesis that may prove advantageous.” “You’re just now telling us this?” Katherine shouted, furious, “You think we could’ve used this information earlier?” “Well, I beg your pardon, but I believe we had more immediate concerns at the time. For example, escaping the infinite IKEA.” “Focus. What’s the plan?” Marina asked, completely serious now. “Well you see, this creature is made of pure sin, or at least what the inhabitants of its dimension perceive as pure sin. Therefore, with this universe’s inhabitants having a different perception of sin, perhaps this creature is weaker here; susceptible to more conventional weaponry.” Marcus looked out the window of the chopper, seeing entire burning swaths of ruination. “I dunno Blackwood, I’m pretty sure a lot of civilians are going to perceive this as really sinful.” “Ah, yes, but not the same particular sort of sin as that considered by the inhabitants of its native reality.” “It’s worth a shot, I guess.” Marina said, continuing, “I’ve got five hyperbombs, so they’re going to be our only chance. I’ll deploy them on the thing’s head and limbs, and then I’m going to need you 5 agents to activate them simultaneously.” The agents all gave their confirmation. It was a long shot, but clearly it was their only shot. They managed to find the beast within minutes-all they had to do was follow the trail of horrific destruction. “Alright, everyone ready? What happened to Pearl?” Marina asked. Kondraki replied, “I think she’s gone catatonic with shock.” Marcus added, “Speaking of which, you seem to be taking this all surprisingly well.” “Honestly, I kind of suspected you were hiding something. Yeah, I didn’t know how big this whole thing was, but I guess I figured something was up. Anyway, we’re over the creature. Remember, you need to activate them all simultaneously for it to work.” “Why’s that?” Katherine asked, “When we were using them against that AI last month, I activated them individually, and it worked out fine.” “That’s because we were only using them to weaken the enemy, not destroy it like this time. See, I designed the hyperbombs so that if two or more are activated at once, it’ll cause a chain reaction, which will create a bigger explosion that’ll hopefully be big enough to destroy that monster.” “Wait, how are we going to survive, then?” Marcus asked. “I’ve put these ones on a timer, so after you activate them, you’ll have 30 seconds to contact me so I can retrieve you.” The agents confirmed their readiness, and were dropped at the head and limbs at the same time as the hyperbombs. Each of them struck their respective bomb a dozen times with their weapons, as the unclean thrashed beneath them. After she had struck it 12 times, Marie called the others. “Alright, everyone at twelve strikes each? Good. Now, I want you all to count to three before giving the final strike. Then, we’ll call in the chopper.” Marcus shot his bomb with a round from his splatling, Katherine shot hers with both her dualies, Lauren fired her splattershot, Callie struck hers with her roller, and Marie fired her charger at hers, all simultaneously. By some coincidence, Callie was the one who called Marina first. “Good news, we just activated the bombs! 20 seconds left!” “Great! I’m right over you!” The ladder emerged out the window, passing over the agents as they grabbed on and started climbing in turn. They’d barely gotten halfway up when the bombs went off, the impact causing the ladder to sway until it was practically horizontal. The agents hung on with their hands turning white from the pressure until the ladder was finally still. They looked backwards, seeing the beast twitch around for a few seconds before falling over, dead. “Wow. We actually did it. We killed that thing.” Marcus’s grin gave way to laughter. “YES! Shouldn’t have followed me through that portal, huh buddy?!” The other agents started cheering until Kondraki yelled down to them, “Hey, kids! Get up here before I cut the ladder!” The five of them complied, getting back in the chopper within a minute or so. “Jolly good, my friends! You slew that wretched beast like true adventurers!” Blackwood congratulated them. “Yeah, I’ll admit. Not half bad.” Kondraki said, grinning. “Not half bad?” Apparently pearl had recovered from her shock while they were fighting the unclean. “That was great! Everyone’s going to go crazy now that they can go back home!” “yeah, at least the ones who still have a home.” Marina said. “I’ll donate to the rebuilding! We’ll get volunteers! This could bring the city together like never before! Think of all we could learn from the humans!” “Glad to see you’re doing alright now.” Marina said, grinning. “Yeah, if by alright you mean kind of scary.” Marcus said, almost leaning backwards away from Pearl’s excitement.

After about 30 or so minutes, they found themselves in Inkopolis plaza. It was about a 20-minute walk from the square, and had miraculously been spared from the destruction. The 10 of them got out, looking around the plaza. A couple years ago, this place had been the bustling hub of the city. However, with Inkopolis square having a ton of renovations, it gradually supplanted that role. “Man, I haven’t been here in years. Yo, Marina, ever seen this place before?” Pearl asked her co-host. “No, I moved directly into the square after I left Octo Valley. So, this is the plaza I’ve heard so much about.” “Yeah, I’m getting nostalgic already.” Lauren said. “It’s been a year since I moved away from this place along with the rest of the new squidbeak splatoon.” “Yeah, well, looks like we’re going to have to move back into our old base.” Marie said. “Honestly, I’m kind of excited to see the old base. How ‘bout you, Kat?” Marcus gently nudged her shoulder. “Honestly, I never really thought about it. Guess it’d be kind of cool though.” “Well, we’ll have to do some cleaning since we abandoned it last year, but I’m sure we’ll get it done fast enough. You two are free to stay if you want to become full members.” Callie offered Pearl and Marina. “Even if you don’t want to join us, you’re probably going to need somewhere to stay and get new jobs.” “Thanks for the offer, but I think we’ll just stay there as support.” Marina said. “Yeah, same. Sorry, but being a secret agent and fighting monsters isn’t really my thing.” Pearl confirmed. The group realized they had gotten to the main entrance, a sewer grate like the entrance at the square base. Marie told Kondraki, Kain, and Crow where the other entrance was so they could get in. The 7 natives managed to get to the old base a few minutes before their interdimensional compatriots. They then began to discuss their next plan. “I will bring SCP-1867 back to its chamber. No doubt his absence will draw suspicion sooner rather than later.” Kain proposed. “Indeed, old chap. I believe my mission here is done, and what a grand adventure this has all been! I daresay I shall never forget you strange creatures!” “Yeah, thanks. Can’t say I’ll forget you, either. Thanks for saving me from that other world, by the way.” “Think nothing of it, dear boy. I daresay anyone in my position of my stature would have done the same. Now farewell, my fellows, and godspeed.” Kondraki activated the portal, going through with Kain and Blackwood. Kain turned and explained, “I will be sending for dr. Gears to aid you. He is knowledgeable in a great number of SCP items, and is fairly level-headed.” “Thanks! We could use the help!” Callie shouted as the three left their dimension. The portal remained open for several minutes before a new human came out. “Hello. My name is dr. Gears. I take it you’re the ones whose dimension is being plagued by SCPs?” The agents hesitated, put off by the man’s seeming lack of emotion. Katherine was the first to continue the conversation. “Yeah, that’s us. The dog said you knew your stuff about these things.” “My colleague made a wise decision. I have been working with the foundation since its infancy, and as such I have significant insight. This will no doubt prove crucial.” “Alright, which abomination are we going after first?” Lauren asked. “Currently, the only missing SCP that I know of is 507, a biologically ordinary man who involuntarily enters random dimensions at intervals which possess no discernible pattern. This aspect of him will make him extraordinarily difficult to locate, but once you do he’ll most likely cooperate. Therefore, locating him is no particularly urgent matter.” “Great!” Marie said. “That means you can help the rest of us clean this place up.”


	10. reluctant dimension hopper/squid kids

After a few hours, the old base had been cleaned to satisfaction. It was even more modest than the base at the square, with the only notable feature being a simple shack, albeit larger than the square shack. Inside were some mundane furnishings, as well as a rudimentary training room. Marina, the group’s designated techie, had offered to make some improvements, such as improving the weapons and setting up security cameras all over the city in order to better locate rogue SCPs-offers that had been readily accepted. “Just to confirm, are you all ready to go out to pursue SCP-507?” Gears asked. Marcus, Lauren, and Katherine all nodded in affirmation. The three of them had opted to go out on the mission while the other 5 stayed behind and maintained the base. Agents 3, 4, and 8 all exited the base, ready to hunt down a friendly dimension-jumping man.

“Is it just me, or are we walking in circles?” Katherine asked. “I mean, I’m no tracker or navigator, but I have a real ‘walking in circles’ vibe about this. Tell me you haven’t seen that tree earlier.” Lauren replied, “Kat, we’re in a forest. There’s trees all over the place.” “No, no, look. I was leaning on this tree earlier. It’s got a piece of my shirt on it from when I rubbed my back too hard. See?” Marcus turned around, revealing a small bit of exposed skin on the small of his back under the shirt. “Turns out tree bark is a lot sharper than I expected, at least on fabric.” “Huh. Alright, Kat, guess you’re right. Any suggestions where to go next?” “How about… that way?” Katherine pointed in a direction they hadn’t gone in last time. “Then again, this guy might not even be in this dimension right now, or he could be somewhere we’ve already looked and we may never know it.” “Do you think we should split up then and cover more ground?” Marcus asked. “No, we might run into more dangerous SCPs, and then we’ll have no reliable way to call for backup.” Katherine shot him down. “The way I see it, we’re best off heading that way-” she pointed in the same direction again, “until nightfall. Then, we can set up camp for the night.” “It’s not a great plan, but it’s probably the best we’ve got right now. Lauren?” “Same. let’s go.” The trio departed northwards, trying to track down a man who might not even exist at the moment. After a couple of hours, they found themselves in a clearing just as the moon was starting to come up. Deciding it would be easier to search when it was light out, they set up a makeshift camp. Lauren and Katherine went to sleep while Marcus took the first lookout shift, using a tree as his vantage point with a pair of binoculars. By the time he was nearly done with his shift, the most disturbing thing he’d seen was two birds mating in the tree on the other side of the clearing. When he was about to get down and exchange shifts, he saw a human appear in the campgrounds, right near the fire they’d set up. There wasn’t any portal, so it couldn’t have been anyone from the foundation. That left only one possibility. “He’s here! Wake up, now!” The man tried to look around for the source of the voice, but Lauren and Katherine ran out of the tent. They had bags under their eyes, but they managed to surprise the guy just by being there, when he’d thought he was alone. “Hey, what the-” he started, but Marcus jumped out of the tree behind him. It was about a 20-foot drop, so he had to roll on the ground to break his own fall. “Hey, teleporter. Mind telling us your name?” “We don’t have time. He can teleport.” Lauren told him, her voice making it clear she was still trying to wake up. “Who are you kids? What is this?” “We’re trying to get you to the foundation.” Kat told him, her background in the octarian military meaning she had more experience waking up at a moment’s notice. “Wha-oh, great, don’t tell me they’re using kids now.” “We’re just temps until their reality stops leaking into ours. That’s why we’re trying to get you back to them. Dr. Gears is at our base.” “Well, don’t worry about me. I’ll just teleport again, and eventually I’ll find myself back at the foundation like always.” “Sorry, but we’ve got to bring you back to base.” Kat said before grabbing his arm. “Now, guys!” Lauren grabbed the other arm, while Marcus hesitated. He remembered the last time he’d been to another dimension. “Marcus! Help us out here!” Kat yelled at him. He ran over and grabbed 507’s back, who screamed, “NO! You can’t! There’s no telling when I’ll-” he was interrupted when he teleported, taking the other three with him.

SCP-5092: Squid kids  
Item #: SCP-5092

Object class: Euclid uncontained(see addendum 5092.3)

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5092 is currently contained in 3 different chambers in site-100. Each chamber is located 100 feet away from the other two in order to prevent the members of SCP-5092 from communicating to escape. Each of the three chambers has the following furnishings:

A bed  
A means to access food and water milk now used as a hydration source. See description for details  
A chair and desk  
A carpet  
A lamp

If an SCP-5092 instance escapes their chamber, 1-5 available agents will be called to reestablish containment, with their main priority being to prevent the instance from finding the position of and instigating the release of either of the other instances of SCP-5092.

Description: SCP-5092-1 through -3 refers to three superficially-humanoid looking creatures, presumably native to a parallel dimension. In their default forms, SCP-5092’s height is consistent with a human child of around 14-16 years of age, though their weight is considerably lower. This disparity has been determined to result from the fact that SCP-5092 possess no skeletal structure, though their organ structure is consistent with cephalopods, including three hearts and an ink sac consistent with those found in a caribbean reef squid(Sepioteuthis sepioidea; SCP-5092-1), pencil squid(Loligo vulgaris; SCP-5092-2), and common octopus(Octopus vulgaris; SCP-5092-3). SCP-5092’s head is slightly larger and more angular than a human’s, with the triangular ears being located on the center of the side of the cranium. SCP-5092 possess raccoon-like masks on their eyes connected by a black stripe(the eyes are unconnected on SCP-5092-3), which is hypothesized to improve vision. Despite resembling hair, the top of SCP-5092 has proven to have a similar consistency to squid and octopus tentacles, with suction cups being located on the inside of the tentacles on SCPs 5092-1 and -2, while SCP-5092-3’s suction cups are on the outside of its tentacles. SCP-5092 has an aversion to water, as the first attempt to convince SCP-5092-1 to drink was met with refusal. Approximately 3 days later, SCP-5092-1 appeared to be suffering from severe dehydration. As a result, it was seen attempting to drink the water provided to it. After hearing it make vocalisations of significant pain, guards entered the room to find that SCP-5092-1 had scarred about 25% of its face, and its tongue was burned as well. Once SCP-5092-1 was able to speak coherently, it was able to confirm that water is acidic to its species. As a direct result, all instances have had their primary source of hydration changed to milk(SCPs-5092-2 and -3 were also suffering from dehydration, but managed to stave it off longer.) SCP-5092 possesses low-level shapeshifting abilities, specifically the capacity to turn into small cephalopodic forms. When in this form, SCP-5092 moves significantly slower than in humanoid form, but is also significantly harder to see, and capable of moving through grates. In addition, SCP-5092 appears adept at hand-to-hand and martial arts combat.

Addendum 5092.1: Discovery: SCP-5092 was discovered on september 22, 2020, when SCP-507 teleported into site-100 with them holding him. Several nearby researchers and MTF agents were able to subdue SCP-5092, and SCP-507 was interviewed to determine the possible cause of SCP-5092’s presence.

Addendum 5092.2: Interview 5092-507  
Interviewed: SCP-507

Interviewer: dr. ██████████

Dr. ██████████: Alright, 507, let’s start. How many dimensional transfers did SCP-5092 accompany you for?

SCP-507: You mean the kids? Just the one, going from their dimension to this one. I really don’t think you should be locking them up, honestly. It sounded like they had something important to do in their dimension.

Dr. ██████████: Well then, that’s their dimension’s problem. We have enough to concern ourselves with in this world.

SCP-507: But they know about the foundation! They called dr. Gears by name! Something’s going on, and I want to know what it is! One of them said something about-  
(SCP-507 is interrupted by an involuntary dimensional transport.)

Dr. ██████████: Oh for the love of… fine, I suppose we can finish when he’s back.

Interview 5092-1  
Interviewed: SCP-5092-1

Interviewer: dr. ██████████

Dr. ██████████: Alright SCP-5092-1, why did you-

SCP-5092-1: Lauren.

Dr. ██████████: Pardon?

SCP-5092-1: My name is Lauren. Not SCP-whatever.

Dr. ██████████: Maybe where you come from, but here your name is SCP-5092-1.

SCP-5092-1: We shouldn’t even be here. Where are my friends?

Dr. ██████████: I’m afraid I’m not authorized to tell you that.

SCP-5092: Well, what can you tell me then?

Dr. ██████████: I can ask you questions. For example, why did you travel here with SCP-507?

SCP-5092-1: You mean teleport man? We were trying to capture him.

Dr. ██████████: and how did you know he was there? SCP-507 told me you referred to dr. Gears by name.

SCP-5092-1: Yeah, he’s in our dimension. He was trying to help us contain the SCPs that’ve been leaking into our dimension.

Dr. ██████████: You know, come to think of it, we have been getting some reports of missing SCPs. I’ll have to investigate that, but I’ll leave dr. Gears’s location to the personnel at site-19.

SCP-5092-1: Wait, you believe me?

Dr. ██████████: In this job, I’m willing to believe just about anything. Now, I believe that’s it for this interview.

Addendum 5092.3: incident 5092-AWCY/SH/CI  
On october 22, 2020, site-100 was raided by members of the Chaos Insurgency, the Serpent’s Hand, and Are We Cool Yet?. The attack was inferred to be non-coordinated, as the members of the three groups of interest were observed combating each other as well as foundation staff.(Though some members of the Serpent's Hand and AWCY? were observed collaborating.) Due to interference by foundation staff, as well as conflict between the three groups of interest, each group was only able to obtain 1 instance of SCP-5092. At this time, retrieval of SCP-5092 is considered extremely low priority.


	11. an incomplete chronicle

“It’s been a month! We have to start looking for them immediately!” Callie yelled across the circular table. Dr. Gears responded, “I have told you repeatedly, that is not in our best interest. Due to the nature of the SCP I sent them after, they could potentially be anywhere in the multiverse.” “Well, you’ve got that dimensional transporter. Can’t you go looking for our friends?” Marina asked. “Apologies, but I’m afraid I’m needed here. Your group is grossly ill-equipped to combat the anomalous entities the foundation contains.” “Dude, can you please show some emotion? What are you, some kind of robot?” Pearl snarled. “No.” “To which one?” “Getting back on track, I’ve received word that SCP-140 has disappeared from site-76. The four of you will have to retrieve it while remaining aware of its psychological effects.” “Great. Mind telling us what this is? What are these psychological effects you’re talking about? Maybe these might be important things for us to know, just saying.” Marie demanded. “Very well. Here is the file for SCP-140.” He took a piece of paper out of his shirt pocket, unfolding and passing it to the four girls. After skimming it, Marie remarked, “Alright, it’s a book that makes you use your blood to make it longer so a bunch of savages can keep existing in history.” “Well, we don’t have blood. Our bodies are filled with ink.” Pearl responded. Marina replied, “Yeah, but it says the thing also takes ink.” “Standard ink, Marina. Something tells me that doesn’t really apply to us.” Callie pointed out. “Still, we should probably think up a strategy.” Marie argued. “Gears, any suggestions?” “I have never been a member of a containment team, nor am I experienced in handling SCP-140. You will have to figure out how to contain it by yourselves.” “Well, at least you admit you’re completely useless.” Pearl told him, tone deadpan. “Alright, let’s head up to the city and figure out a plan.” Marie suggested.

“OK, so we all agree that guy’s full of it, right?” Pearl asked, looking at the others around the table. Despite the fact that rebuilding had started a while ago, Inkopolis plaza was still sporadically populated, so the team was able to talk fairly openly without fear of being overheard. “Oh yeah, definitely.” Callie agreed. “Now, here’s the plan: you three go out and find the other agents, and I’ll look for this freaky blood book.” “Why are you going to look for it? Isn’t that dangerous?” Marie asked. “Well, think about it. I put on those mind-controlling glasses that made me side with the octarians a couple months back, so I figure at this point I’ve pretty much built up an immunity to weird mind stuff.” “Cal, I was one of the scientists who worked on the hypnoshade prototypes. Granted, I wasn’t really in charge of the design process, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work like that.” “Please, Marina, I can handle this. Besides, you three need to go look for the others.” “I don’t like this, Callie. I mean, you’re my cousin. I can’t just let you put yourself in danger without backup.” “Marie, I’m not a kid anymore. I can handle myself just fine now.” Marie slammed the table, shouting, “I can’t just-” she was interrupted by Marina putting her hand over her mouth. “You know what, I think Callie’s got the right idea here. You, me, and Pearl should go look for the other agents while she goes looking for the SCP.” “Wait, Marina, are you sure that’s a good idea?” “Yes, Pearl, I’m sure.” “Finally! Someone who sees sense! I say we head out now.” “I… yeah, okay. Be careful.” “You too.” Callie said, before splitting off from the foursome.

“Mind explaining to me why you let Callie go on her own? You know she won’t be able to-” “Marie, do you honestly think I’d-” Marina looked around, making sure no one could overhear them, before continuing, “Do you honestly think I’d let her go without backup? Look, you should know better than anyone else how stubborn that girl can be. If one of us tried to follow her, she’d just send us right back.” “Alright, what’s your plan then?” Pearl asked. “Simple. I’ll tail Callie while you two go and find the others.” “Alright, I trust you. Pearl, you ready?” “Of course! I don’t care where in the multiverse they are, we’re getting our friends back no matter what!” “Right, so we all agree once we’re done we’ll meet up back at base, right?” “You got it. Good luck, you two. I’ve got an inkling to track.”

“So, I take it things have been going well with off the hook?” “Yeah, they were until the city was thrown completely out of whack. Then again, being a newscaster and a singer isn’t as glamorous as, well, I guess you’d have experience with that.” “Yeah, you’re not wrong there. Honestly, I’m kind of grateful to you and Marina for letting us have a couple years out of the limelight.” “Oh, so you admit we’re crazy talented?” “What? No, of course not.” “Well, you and Callie aren’t half bad yourselves. Anyway, where do you think the others could be?” “Honestly, I’ve got no idea.”

Callie had been walking through the city for hours, trying to find the book. A lot of the damage from last month still lingered, but rebuilding had already begun in full. She was searching through the ruins of an old apartment building when she felt like someone was watching her. Turning around, she only noticed some random passersby, nothing out of the ordinary. Shrugging, she decided it was nothing and opted to search somewhere else. “I’ve got to find that book before someone gets hurt.” She muttered to herself as she ran out of the building.

“No, no, no. Where’s that stupid book?” Callie hissed, trying to keep her voice down. Deciding that the best place to look for a book might be the Inkopolis public library, She’d been poring through the seemingly endless shelves, filled with musty old books. Some of them actually looked pretty interesting, and she frequently had to pull herself away from them. After a few hours of this with nothing to show for it, Callie decided to go over to the librarian’s desk. “Excuse me, miss. Has anyone checked out a book called, uh, something about the Daevas?” “You know, I don’t think so. I did see something when I was out hiking in the woods, though. I didn’t go near it, of course.” “Oh. Right, of course.” Smiling, Callie walked out of the library, heading in the direction of the woods.

“Seriously, where is that girl?” All Marina had done was get something to eat, and yet she’d completely lost Callie. Now she’d have to spend who knows how long trying to track her back down.

“Where could it be? Oh, hey, what’s that?” Callie noticed a strange pouch hanging from a tree branch, about fifty feet up-whoever put it there must’ve been a hell of a climber. Either that, or just really desperate. Thinking for a moment, Callie whacked the tree with her roller, covering it in purple ink and knocking the pouch into her hands. Picking it up, Callie noticed something scrawled on it in what looked like red ink.  
Don’t open  
Too dangerous  
Too late for me  
Save yourself.  
Taking another look around, Callie noticed a trail of red ink heading away from the tree. Deciding to investigate, Callie followed the trail, keeping the pouch by her side. After a few minutes, she came across a cabin, doorway opened and inside covered in shadows, a trail of red ink leading in. Startled, Callie dropped the pouch, knocking the book out. Curious, she slowly took the book out. It was a dark red, with a title engraved in the top center: A Chronicle of the Daevas. She couldn’t explain why; she knew it was dangerous, but Callie found herself opening the book. “No! I can’t!” Despite her best efforts, Callie accidentally glimpsed the first passage. “Actually, this is pretty interesting.” She found herself perusing the novel, inexplicably desperate to discover all she could about the Daevas.

“Callie! Callie! Come here right now!” Marina screamed until she was coughing, nearly losing her voice. Stumbling out of the thick of the forest, having completely forgotten she was supposed to hide, Marina looked through the starry night where the moon was at its zenith. She noticed a tree, with its side partially covered in ink. Marina recognized the ink as being the same color as Callie’s roller, and noticed a trail of red ink. “Oh, Cal, tell me you didn’t...” Marina ran in the direction of the trail. Quickly, she managed to find a cabin. More importantly, Callie was sitting, with her back turned. Marina crept closer to her friend, hearing her mutter “I have to find out… what happened next?” Marina decided to make herself known. “Callie!” “What? Huh?” Callie looked like she’d been pulled out of some other realm. “Give me the book. Now.” Callie started to hand the book over, only to hesitate and pull it back, saying, “No. No, no, there’s more, I can make more. I mean, it’s horrifying, but I have to read more-I have to make more. You can help, too! You can help me make more! Your fingernails are sharp, right? If we just dig hard enough, I bet we can have more than enough ink to keep it going.” By now, Callie’s smile had become disturbing; unnaturally wide. Her eyes didn’t help, as they looked insane and half-dead. Marina had to resist the urge to step back from her friend. “Callie, please, just give me the book. Let me read it, and then I can help you add to it.” Callie thought for a moment, then said, “Good. I’m glad you agree with me.” Still making that horrible, uncanny grin, Callie gave the book to her friend. She closed her eyes so she wouldn’t be tempted by the cover, then swiftly put it back in the pouch. “Hey! What do you think you’re doing?!” Callie’s smile had turned into a look of pure rage, and she looked ready to maul her companion. “I’m, uh, I’m saving it for when we get back to base.” Callie’s face changed in an instant, now a glowing smile. “Oh, I get it! You want to show our friends! Sorry I ever doubted you, Marina!” “Right. Now, let’s head back to base. We can try to contact the others once we’re there.”


	12. chaos insurgency

“Ugh… my head.” Lauren groaned, waking up. Looking around, she realized she was in a black metal box, the walls emblazoned with a logo of a red circle radiating black lines on a white background. Sensing the box was moving, she realized it was the back of a van. Well, more like a truck, given the size. She realized her hands were tied behind her back, and her legs were similarly tied together. She had experience in getting out of situations like this, but the half-dozen men in black kevlar armor with the same logo on their shoulders as on the walls would no doubt complicate matters. “So, you guys, uh, you go out often?” She tried to talk to her captors, but they remained silent. “Oh, silent treatment, I get it. What d’you guys call yourselves, anyway?” More silence. “You know, I’m just going to keep talking until I get a response.” One of the men coughed. “Got a cold there, Jeff? I mean, if you guys aren’t going to introduce yourselves, I’m just going to name you myself. Let’s see here, Jason, Tommy, Leo, Carter, and Connor. How’re those? Hey, what do you guys like to eat? Connor, you look like a corn person.” “Can we kill it?” The one she’d named Jason asked, clearly fed up. “I mean, it’s clearly not going to be useful to our cause.” Offended, Lauren argued, “Not useful? Do you have any idea who I am? I am agent 3 of the 2nd squidbeak splatoon. I am the bane of the octarian menace, and the nightmare of salmonids. I have felled countless enemies, winning dozens of battles where I was outnumbered a hundred to one-ow!” Jeff had smacked her on the back of the head, interrupting her boast. Of course, she’d embellished, and often had help in battles, but she’d rather they not know that. “Enough! If I hear so much as another word out of you...” Jeff pulled a knife out of his pocket. Lauren cringed backwards in fear, only to be casually pushed back by the one she’d called Leo. 'Well, there’s one thing I can do'. Lauren thought, instantaneously turning into her squid form. In the span of a few seconds, she darted to the back of the truck and transitioned back to humanoid form. Immediately, Jeff got up and ran at Lauren with the knife. Her splattershot had been confiscated when she was contained by the foundation, and these guys evidently hadn’t picked it up themselves. Without a weapon to defend herself, Lauren had to duck under the knife, putting her hand on the wall so she could kick at Jeff. Effortlessly, he jumped backwards, wasting no time in jumping back in, knife outstretched. The truck hit what they could only assume was a pothole, causing Jeff to involuntarily launch the knife out of his hand while his own momentum forced him onto the ground. Lauren managed to dodge the knife a second before it would’ve run her through a heart. Even though they were now both unarmed, she was still facing an armored opponent around twice her size and age, and she had no idea what sort of tactics or fighting style he’d employ. Jeff immediately got up, trying to punch Lauren. She dodged, only for her face to collide with his other fist. Winded, she found herself kicked to the floor. Still reeling from the blow to her stomach, Lauren could barely register what was going on. All she could think to do was transfer back to squid form, allowing Jeff to punch the hard metal floor where her face had just been. Going back into her humanoid shape, Lauren tried to ignore the lingering pain all over her body as she jumped onto Jeff’s back, trying to strangle him. He tried to pull her off, but it was harder than it should’ve been with her hands around his throat and sharp teeth biting every part of his head they could reach, drawing blood more often than not. When both their backs were turned in the direction where the knife had been thrown earlier in the fight, one of Jeff’s comrades ran over, and with one swift motion, picked up the knife and threw it at them. Lauren felt a sharp, stabbing pain in the middle of her back, while Jeff felt the girl’s grip on his neck weaken until she fell to the floor, covering the surface with her own yellow ink-blood. In the last seconds before she lost consciousness, Lauren could hear Jeff saying, “Good work. It’s a fighter, I’ll give it that. Now let’s patch it up and see if we can’t use that fighting spirit to our advantage.”

Hours later, Lauren was in handcuffs, being dragged by a pair of guards through a hallway of metal walls interspersed with doors whose contents she could scarcely guess at. She had no idea what would happen to her, only that her wound had been bandaged, and she’d been screaming bloody murder the past few minutes she was awake despite the fact that her throat was starting to get sore. “LET ME GO! I WON’T LET YOU LOCK ME UP! I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU DO, I WON’T BE ONE OF YOUR SCIENCE EXPERIMENTS!” For all her kicking and screaming, the guards ignored her. Eventually, after she’d lost her voice a while ago, they came up to a door that looked no different from the dozens of others they’d passed. It was guarded by a lone sentryman, who asked his colleagues, “New test subject?” “Yeah, let’s just hope this one’s brains don’t get fried like the others.” “Shouldn’t be a problem. I hear the science department spent weeks working out the kinks. Besides, if something does go wrong, there’s always more anomalies.” He entered the passcode on the door’s padlock, causing it to raise into a slot in the wall just above it. Too exhausted to keep struggling, Lauren barely noticed as she was strapped to an operating table, with some sort of device hanging above her. “Time for the reprogramming.” she heard one of the agents tell his colleagues.


	13. the fan fic plague

gr33teengs m3r3 moartalz 1 ahm y0ur noo l0rd @nd m@star d@rth epick teh destr0yahr @nd 1 c4n keel y0u w1th mah eyez!

Dr. Gears observed the computer screen, clearly infected with SCP-732. At the foundation, a computer infected with 732 was a mere annoyance. However, there it was at least confined to the database, so it couldn’t expose itself to the outside world. Here, it could potentially spread to other devices and expose its existence to the civilian population. Thinking for a moment, he typed on the keyboard:

Greetings, 732. I see you’ve migrated to this dimension as well. Tell me, is this the only computer you’ve infected thus far?

It was only a few seconds before the response came.

U cant foool m3 i knoe u r 1 of thoze SCP nerds butt gess wut suckah now im free @nd u cant stop meh from takeing oevr thiss worlld!

732, I hope you are well aware that you don’t have the capacity to come anywhere close to taking over the world.

Lalala I cant here u after over 9000 years im frea itz tyme 2 conker earf!

Is there, perchance, anything I could offer to convince you to not attempt to, as you put it, conquer earth?

W3ll, maebeh ith u gaev meh a 72-rume m@nshun and @ bunch uv virjinz than wee culd tock.

You are well aware that, due to your nature as a computer virus, you are unable to receive material gifts of any sort. Is there anything else I could offer? Perhaps a grammar lesson might do you some good.

Noh, i th!nk ah’ll stik 2 teh orijanal plahn bi suckah.

Are you sure this is what you really want to do?

Dr. Gears waited hours for the next reply, but none came.


	14. serpent's hand

“You know, out of all the people to get abducted by, I probably could’ve done a lot worse.” Marcus was sitting at a desk with four others: a guy with a second mouth on his stomach, a man with six fingers on each hand, a dude with a third eye on his forehead, and a chick with a second set of ears from a cat. “Don’t think of it as abduction. More like liberation.” The guy with six fingers-Fred-told him. The girl with cat ears-Dana-added, “The Serpent's Hand exists to liberate anomalous beings like the 5 of us. The Jailors would keep us confined, used only for experiments ostensibly in the pursuit of scientific knowledge.” “Speaking of which, any idea what happened to my friends? Are they with some other members?” “About that.” The guy with two mouths-troy-muttered. “I saw one of them with some of the madmen. The other was with the artists.” Marcus found himself seeing red, shouting, “You what?! I thought you were supposed to be helping the ‘anomalous’, not pawning us off to other shady organisations!” “There was nothing I could’ve done! There were too many of them.” the mouth on the guy’s stomach answered him. “Yeah well, now we’ve got more of us, and we can make a plan of attack.” Marcus rebutted. “Are you sure about that?” asked the three-eyed man, Jack. “Absolutely. They’ve never left me behind, and I’m not going to abandon them now.” “Alright.” Dana said. “We need to find a Way that’ll get us to where your friends are being held. The question is, where do we go first?” “Ok, I say we go to the most dangerous one first. I need to save my friends.” “Now wait just a minute.” Fred interrupted him. “Wouldn’t it make more sense to go to the less dangerous place first, so that we’ll have more help rescuing your other friend from the madmen?” Marcus thought about it for a minute. Much as he hated to admit it, Fred was making a lot of sense. “Ok. we’ll save one of my friends from the artists, and then we’ll all go and do the same with the madmen. By the way, what’s their deals? I mean, what do they do?” Fred explained, “The artists-they call themselves ‘Are We Cool Yet?’-they’re a terrorist group that creates anomalous pieces of art, then put them where they can get maximum casualties.” Dana told him, “Some of them are more pacifist, creating pieces that only cause adverse effects without actually killing anyone. The madmen-they call themselves the Chaos Insurgency-they’re a rival organization dedicated to weaponizing anomalies for their own self gain.” “Alright. Which of the artists do you think took my friend? Art terrorists or art pacifists?” “No clue, kid.” Troy responded. “We need to find a Way.” “Well, the first step is to-” “No, kid, that’s not what he means.” Jack chuckled. “A Way is a portal, a gateway. This place we’re in, the Wanderer's Library, is a multiversal hub. There’s Ways leading all throughout time and space, including other dimensions. Believe me, if we’re going to find your friends, a Way is our best bet.” “Thanks for clarifying. So, we just use a way to save one of my friends from the artists, and then we all go to save my other friend from the insurgents.” “You got it. Fortunately, Jack here’s been studying Ways longer than the rest of us, so he’ll be our best bet infiltrating the artists.” Dana confirmed. “We’ll need to go elsewhere in the library, where I can access a Way that’ll actually get us where we want to go.” “Alright then, how big is this place?” “Infinite.” Troy answered. “But don’t worry. If we’re lucky, it shouldn’t take too long.” “Yeah, luck. That’s been on my side lately.” Marcus said. “Come on. Now that we’ve got a plan, we can’t waste anymore time.” Fred told the group, as they got up from their desk and started looking for a Way.


	15. builder bear

“Here’s your nightmare history book” Marina dropped the pouch containing SCP-140 in front of dr. Gears. He opened it and, after glancing the title, hastily put it back in. “Very good. My commendations on using a container to conceal it from yourselves.” “Actually, I found it that way.” Callie explained, 140’s effects on her having worn off hours ago. “Very well. Now, where are the other two?” “They’re still out looking for the others. Remember, the ones you sent after the guy who travels between dimensions?” “I thought I told you we weren’t looking for them.” Marina explained, “Yeah, well, I thought we told you that we don’t give a-” “very well. Now, if it’s all well and good, another SCP item has entered this reality.” “Oh, great. What’s this one do?” Callie asked bitterly. “Turn us inside-out? Make us eat our own eyeballs? Turn us into animals?” “No, not this one. It’s a teddy bear, actually. SCP-1048.” “Oh, well that actually sounds surprisingly benign, all things considered.” “More specifically, it’s a teddy bear that extracts organs from living creatures, replicating them to use as materials to create copies of itself.” “There’s the horror I was expecting.” Callie said with mock enthusiasm. “Where is this-what’d you call it? 1048?” Marina asked the scientist. “Yes, well, I’m not sure where 1048 is, but I saw a news broadcast reporting on several unexplained deaths on the top floor of a hotel. The hotel is currently under full lockdown, and investigations are being postponed until the situation blows over.” “If this thing’s killed civilians, then we need to destroy it immediately. Do you remember what hotel it was at?” Callie asked. “Yes, I believe it was the New Albacore Hotel.” “Wait, seriously? They just had a zombie epidemic last month, and now they’ve got a murderous self-replicating teddy bear to deal with?!” Marina yelled. “Zombie-oh, you mean 008.” “Yeah, Gears, she means 008. C’mon, Marina, we’ll contact the others and meet them at the hotel. We should go in through the front door this time to avoid suspicion. If this gets to the public, who knows what could happen?” “Agreed.” Gears said, “The last thing we need right now is a broken masquerade scenario.” nodding their affirmation, the two girls rushed out of the base.

“Really? Yeah, sounds like an emergency alright. Okay, we’ll be right over, and then we’ll keep looking for the three we lost.” Marie shut her phone off, putting it back in her pocket. “That was Callie. There’s a bunch of teddy bears stealing organs to make more of itself at the top of New Albacore Hotel.” “What? Organs? I’m guessing they need our help then.” “Got that right, Pearl.” “Well, what’re we waiting for then? Let’s go murder us some teddy bears!”

Callie and Marina were at the base of New Albacore Hotel, Marie and Pearl nowhere to be found. “Where are those two?” Callie asked, clearly frustrated. “I’m sure they’ll be here any minute. C’mon, we need to get those bears.” The two rushed into the building, past the empty receptionist’s desk, through the abandoned hallways, and into the nearest elevator. They were finally able to catch their breath as the elevator music turned on. “Hey, Callie, this is one of yours, right?” “Yeah, Ink Me Up.” “Seriously? That’s what it’s called?” “Yeah, I’ve still got no idea how we got that title past the censors.” Callie chuckled in spite of the danger they were heading into. After a few minutes, the elevator doors opened. The hallway was covered in various hues of ink. However, the consistency was different from the ink used in turf wars; this was blood. Even worse, dozens of small creatures rushed at the two, each shaped like a small bear covered in-no, not covered in, made out of-various organs and body parts. One made of eyes jumped at them, only for Callie to punch it where its face probably should have been. She took out her roller, slamming it to the ground and taking out about a half dozen 1048s. Marina, having never played a game of turf war in her life, lacked proficiency in any particular weapon and instead opted for hand-to-hand combat. She turned into her smaller octopus form to avoid being kicked in the face by a 1048 made entirely out of legs. Meanwhile, Callie was trying to get her roller away from one made out of arms. She succeeded after several seconds, whacking a 1048 made entirely out of ink sacs. It exploded, covering her, Marina, every nearby surface, and several dozen evil teddy bears in bright purple ink. Despite how many they were able to take out, their sheer numbers meant the 1048s were easily able to overwhelm the two combatants. A 1048 made entirely out of ears was about to start attacking them when it was blasted from behind. Marie held her charger as she ran out of the elevator, followed by Pearl with her dualies. “Hope we didn’t keep you waiting too long!” She exclaimed, helping her cousin off the floor. “Gotta admit, you cut it close.” Pearl, while shooting a 1048 made of tentacles, explained, “well, we would’ve gotten here sooner, but I guess we were just farther away than you two.” “Fine by me.” Marina said while holding the tentacle 1048 so her friend could shoot it. Within 15 minutes, the hallway was covered in ink and body parts, until just 1 teddy bear remained sitting completely still at the end of the hall. For all intents and purposes, it was entirely normal. It was brown, with a thick coat of artificial fuzz all over its small body. At first glance, its eyes betrayed a warm innocence. Closer inspection, however, would reveal a cold, calculating malice. The four girls approached the original 1048, weapons ready. Whether it was accepting defeat, making a backup plan, or simply relied on its clones to actually do any damage, they had no way of knowing. Either way, they found a stray suitcase to put it in so it could be transported back to base. In the space of about an hour, they’d made it back to base, where dr. Gears was waiting. “I assume the mission was a success.” he said matter-of-factly. “Yeah, we got the bear in here.” Marina answered, punching the suitcase for emphasis. “And now, like it or not, we’re going back out to look for our friends. If there’s another SCP emergency, I texted you our numbers on the way here.” The four of them walked out of the base, while Gears hardly reacted.


	16. are we cool yet?

“Alright, is that it?” Katherine asked, admiring her handiwork. She was in an old, dark alleyway in the middle of night, covered in graffiti and litter. It didn’t really look like the base of a group of anomalous artists, but she’d been told it was just a temporary hideout. One of the AWCY? members-the leader of this particular group-looked over her shoulder at the painting. The background was a psychedelic mix of colors that hurt the eyes to look too long. In the middle was a multicolored serpentine creature, with jade green eyes and a blood-red mouth. Something felt off about the serpent, as though it might jump out and attack someone at a moment’s notice. “Haha, nice one, kid! Guess you were telling the truth about being from an ink dimension.” He congratulated her. “Now, let’s put this on the street where dozens of people can admire our handiwork.” “sounds good to me. We should tell the others.” Katherine had come here with about a half-dozen people who called themselves members of a group called Are We Cool Yet?, which they claimed was an art movement dedicated to making anomalous art to “change the world.” “Nah, we shouldn’t wake them up yet. Let’s put it outside and show them in the morning.” Kat thought for a moment, deciding this was a good idea. “Alright, let’s do that.” she continued, “Thanks for letting me stay with you guys.” “Hey, no problem kid. Let’s face it, this world wouldn’t accept you, and if we’d left you with the foundation, they would’ve performed all sorts of experiments on you. They’re obsessed with scientifically analyzing the anomalous, as though true magic can be quantified, or understood by human minds. That’s why Are We Cool Yet? Exists; to show the anomalous to the world. Our goal is that one day, the anomalous will be mainstream, and people like you will be accepted into society.” “Sounds good to me. And you’re sure this painting will help with that?” “Sure it will. Once people see this, they’ll never forget it.” He said, grinning. “Okay, good. And once we’re done with this, you’ll fulfill your end of the bargain and help me look for my friends, right?” “Of course, right after we get this set up.” Nodding, Katherine put on a hood to conceal her face and followed the AWCY? group leader out of the alley and into the street. While they were walking, a portal opened directly in front of them. After a few seconds, 5 figures walked out of it: one with a second mouth on his stomach, another with six fingers on each hand, a third with a third eye on his forehead, the fourth one, a chick with a second set of ears from a cat, and Marcus.

“Alright, Jack, you’re sure this is it?” Marcus looked over skeptically at the three-eyed man. “Because last time, we ended up in a universe where they had a word rhyming with both orange and purple.” “Okay, I’ll admit that was a bit of a mindscrew. This time, though, I’m sure.” “How sure?” Troy’s mouth asked. “I dunno, like, 50-70% sure.” “That’s reassuring. I thought I told the kid you were an expert in Way navigation.” Dana snarked. “I am. It’s just that Ways aren’t exactly a precise science. They are anomalous, after all.” Marcus stepped forward. “It doesn’t matter. If this Way can take me to my friend, then it’s a risk I’m willing to take. Jack, open the portal.” “Alright, just give me a sec here.” Jack pushed Marcus back, putting himself directly in front of the wall. He concentrated for a moment, until the wall collapsed in on itself, revealing a glowing white portal. It looked different from the ones Marcus had seen the foundation scientists use,and the portal produced by SCP-093. “Well, what’re we waiting for? Let’s go already!” Marcus said, leading the way through the Way. When they emerged, Marcus saw a hooded figure walking with a guy wearing a pair of sunglasses, about twice as tall, who looked like he was in his 30’s. The two of them were holding a painting of a multicolored snake. When she saw him, the hooded girl took off her hood. Kat walked over to Marcus, yelling, “Where were you the past week?! Who are these people? What’s going on here?” “Kat, I can explain. I’ve joined up with members of the Serpent's Hand, and we’ve been looking for you and Lauren for days now.” “You have?” Kat asked, sounding almost surprised. She noticed someone was missing. “Wait, where’s-” “Your other friend’s been taken by a group that calls itself the Chaos Insurgency. That’s why we’re trying to get you to help us.” the six-fingered man explained. “The Insurgents? No, kid, you guys...you guys should stay with us at AWCY?. You’ll be safe with us.” Kat turned to the Are We Cool Yet? Member, who looked visibly shaken at the mention of the Chaos Insurgency. “I don’t care about being safe now that I know where my friends are. Tell you what, we’ll wake up the others so we can all team up to save my friend from the insurgents, and then we’ll come back to set up the painting.” Jack stepped forward. “Wait, painting? What’s it do?” Kat explained, “My new friend David here helped me make it. He said it’d give people mild headaches, nothing more. But that’s not important right now.” “What?” David grabbed her by the shoulders, practically seething with rage. “How can you say that art isn’t important? There is nothing greater than art! Art is-” He was interrupted by Marcus slapping him in the face, pulling Katherine to the rest of their group. “Fine, if all you care about is your art then so be it. Me and Kat have a friend to save.” He explained. “No, wait, I...I didn’t… kid, you’ll come back, right? You’re one of us, a member of Are We Cool Yet?.” Kat glared daggers at the man holding the painting. “If I’d known how you really were, or what you really thought was important, I’d’ve stayed with the foundation. I’m going to help save my friend from the Insurgency or die trying, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.” David hesitated for a moment before saying, “Fine then. But I wouldn’t say there’s nothing I can do to stop you.” Grinning like a madman, he threw the painting face-up on the sidewalk in front of him, chanting, “Surge, Apep, et adducam interitum in te excitare.” the painting shimmered in a multitude of colors, including some they couldn’t quite name. A serpentine shape came out of it, the same rainbow hues as the one from the painting. Its eyes glowed with a harsh green light, and its hiss sounded like a gemstone being slowly ground into dust. When it fully emerged from the painting, it was about 20 feet long, with 3-foot fangs. “Do you like our painting? I call it the vengeance of Apep. It would’ve been your big debut as a member of Are We Cool Yet?, Katherine. Oh well, there’s always the next recruit.” “Please.” Marcus snarled. “You think a snake’s going to stop us?” “Believe me, boy, Apep is a very special snake. Observe.” David turned to the serpent, commanding it, “Make their deaths fun for me, will you? The slower and more painful, the better.” He then proceeded to lean against the nearest wall. “I don’t believe it! You mean this whole time, you were using me to make a weapon for you?” Katherine was interrupted as Apep barreled into the group of six, scattering them across the sidewalk and into the street. Marcus tried to jump onto it, but the serpent was too fast, leaving him grasping at air. It lunged at him, and he barely managed to jump out of the way of Apep’s massive fangs. They left a small crater in the ground, as Apep found itself briefly stuck. Marcus and Katherine both used the opportunity to jump onto its back, only to realize they had no plan or weapons. “Wait, what are we doing up here?” Marcus asked. The answer he got was, “Beats me. I honestly didn’t think we’d get this far.” Apep used the opportunity to thrash about, easily throwing the two off itself. Marcus slammed into the nearby wall before collapsing to the ground, while Katherine found herself in the middle of the street. Some nearby doors started opening, as people came out to investigate the noise. “Come on, we need to leave.” Fred told the group, as Jack started concentrating on opening the Way. “What’re we going to do about the snake?” Marcus asked, staggering up from his fall. “I dunno. Leave it to them?” Kat answered, running out of the street as a squad of cars approached, bearing the foundation’s logo. “Oh, great. The Jailors, just what we need right now.” Dana turned over to Jack. “Hey, how’s the Way coming along?” “Just finished. Come on; we’re getting out of here.” The six of them left through the Way, as the foundation soldiers started engaging the serpent.

“Again, you’re sure this is it, right?” Kat asked Jack “Yes, kid, this is the Way that’ll lead us into the nearest hideout of the madmen. With any luck, your friend will be somewhere in there.” “Okay, everyone remember the plan? You four take care of the insurgents while me and Katherine get to Lauren.” “Great plan, kid. Especially the part where it was all my idea.” Fred snarked. “Doesn’t matter. Let’s get this over with.” Troy said, as the 6-man team left through the Way. They’d managed to procure some weapons from the Wanderer's Library, including some blaster rifles they’d managed to get some practice with. When they came out of the Way, they found themselves in a hallway with gray metal walls. In front of them was a group of five men, with Lauren in the middle of them. She looked normal enough, but her eyes were blank and she was surprisingly free, as though she were there willingly. “What? Who are you people?” She asked, showing no sign of recognition at Marcus and Katherine. “Serpent’s hand? How’d you get here?” One of the insurgency agents asked. “Doesn’t matter. Let our friend go, and we’ll let you live.” Marcus commanded. “I don’t know you. I’m where I belong.” Lauren said, her voice emotionless and robotic. “Mind control. You two try to break it while we hold off the insurgents.” Fred told them succinctly. “Got it. Kat, you ready?” “Let’s hope so.” The two of them ran at their friend while one of the insurgency agents pulled out a walkie-talkie. “We’ve got Serpent's Hand. Requesting backup at-” Before he could finish, his walkie-talkie was blasted by Troy, as each member of the Serpent's Hand started fighting a single member of the Chaos Insurgency. Lauren reached into her pocket, getting out an insurgency-model blaster rifle and immediately shooting it at the others. Marcus pushed Kat out of the way as the shot exploded beside them, knocking them into the wall. Nearby, Dana was engaging in a fistfight with an enemy agent, having to dodge most of his hits to keep up. After helping her by firing both their blasters at her opponent, Marcus and Katherine started to re-engage Lauren. Both of them had set their blasters to the lowest setting, whereas Lauren had apparently set hers to vaporize-anyone-who-so-much-as-looks-at-me-funny. She effortlessly dodged out of the way of her friends’ shots, firing one of her own. They jumped over it, leaving it to explode directly behind them. Using the momentum of the blast, Katherine turned into her octopus form to launch herself behind Lauren. While Marcus tried to fight her hand-to-hand, Katherine took the opportunity to aim her weapon at Lauren’s back. When she did, the mind-controlled girl screamed in pain, like she’d gotten injured there before. Marcus used the opportunity to wrest the blaster out of his opponent’s hands, shouting, “I got her! Jack, open the Way!” While Marcus kept trying to keep Lauren from biting him, Katherine took over fighting the Chaos Insurgency agent Jack had been exchanging punches with so he could start opening their exit back into the Wanderer's Library. After a few seconds, the Way appeared in front of the team as they jumped through it. Marcus was still being attacked by Lauren, who was trying to bite and punch at him. Unable to think straight, he randomly picked a book from the bottom of the shelf right next to him and started wacking his friend on the head with it. After a dozen hits, Lauren got off of him, rubbing her head in pain. Marcus looked at the cover of the book, which read “removing mind control for dummies.” “Hey, guys, I think this can help us.” Fred took the book out of his hands. “Yeah, this place does that sometimes. If you need information, odds are the Wanderer's Library can provide. Comes with the territory of being an interdimensional hub world. I’m pretty good with tech, so I’ll take care of it. Troy, Dana, Jack, hold her down. Marcus, Katherine, you two… I dunno, just stand there and try not to break anything.” The group started on their work, Marcus and Katherine sitting at a nearby desk. She asked him, “So, how’d you meet these people anyway?” “They’re the ones who got me out of the foundation. I remember they broke into my cell, and Jack opened a Way. I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea, but I figured it was better than containment. So, I went with them. You?” “Kinda the same thing, actually. David and 5 other people came into my cell and offered me to join them as members of something called Are We Cool Yet?. Of course, they made it sound like they just wanted to make weird art, break the masquerade, shake the status quo, that sort of thing. They made it sound like they didn’t actually want to hurt anyone. Guess I was more gullible than I thought.” She finished bitterly. “Or desperate. Besides, it all worked out for the best, didn’t it?” “Not yet. We still haven’t gotten back to our own universe.” “Yeah, but Jack’s an expert with Ways. I’ll bet he can get us there no problem.” “I guess you’re right.” Katherine smiled. “Once your new friends fix Lauren’s mind control, we can get them to help us get back to our home universe.” “Yep. wonder what the others have been doing.” Their conversation was interrupted by Fred calling out, “Hey, guys, I think we got it!” Marcus and Katherine ran over to their friends, where Lauren was sitting on the floor. She opened her eyes, reeling backwards at the sight of the Serpent's Hand members. After a moment of gasping and sputtering for breath, she muttered, “I have several questions.” Marcus helped her get up, explaining, “Relax, they’re cool. These guys are members of the Serpent's Hand. They helped me find you two.” “Serpent’s...okay then. You guys are...” “We’re a group dedicated to ensuring equal rights for law abiding anomalous individuals.” Fred explained, “So, now that you three are back together, I take it you’ll want to get back to your own dimension?” “Yeah, of course. Who knows what’s going on there by now?” Marcus answered. “C’mon, let’s get to a Way.” Jack offered. While the seven of them were walking through the library, they started hearing screams as library patrons ran past them. “What the he-HOLY NARDS!” Lauren shouted as she turned around to see a giant, multicolored crystalline snake rampaging through the library, knocking over shelves with a man riding its back. “David!” Katherine’s voice was filled with venom. “Wait, you know this guy?” “I’ll explain later; c’mon!” Kat answered Lauren’s question as the group tried to get away from the snake. After a few minutes, they managed to get behind a desk, hoping it’d be far enough away to not be seen. “Okay, Kat, it’s later. Mind explaining now?” “Don’t worry, it’s nothing too bad. I just got recruited by an anomalous art-based terrorist group that tricked me into making a living snake painting as a weapon.” “Oh, yeah, nothing wrong with that.” Lauren said sarcastically. The desk disappeared, as it was lifted into the air by the serpent’s jaws, which crushed it effortlessly. “Katherine! I see you thought you could escape your fate! I’ll give you a choice: Rejoin Are We Cool Yet?, or die here and now.” Kat tried to look like she was thinking about it. “Y’know, let me think...How about no!” She screamed at the AWCY? member. “Alright, suit yourself. Time to die now!” The serpent’s eyes shined an even brighter green, and the seven-man group barely managed to dodge the resulting explosion. It was small, but they could still feel the heat. “New plan: I’ll open a Way, and you three go through it and hope for the best.” Marcus responded, “I’m noticing a few flaws with this plan.” “You got a better idea?” Fred asked, firing his weapon at the snake’s head. “Fair enough.” The others started aiming their weapons while Jack started working on the Way. After about a minute, the Way was opened while the serpent had started consistently dodging their blasts. “Way’s open! Go in, now! We’ll be fine!” Jack shouted, as the three from the other dimension went through. “You sure?” Marcus asked. “Yeah, of course. This isn’t the first time someone’s tried to attack the Wanderer's Library. Now go, I can’t hold this open for long.” The three nodded, finally going through the Way.


	17. dream man

Dr. Gears found himself in a seemingly infinite field of grass, with a single tree on top of a nearby hill, the only elevation he could see for miles. Nearby, a man who looked about 50 was wearing a 1960’s american business suit. Dr. Gears thought for a second, and recognized the man. “SCP-990. I see you’ve come to this dimension as well.” The man responded, “So it would seem. Seeing as you’re the only foundation employee here right now, it only made sense to appear to you.” “Given your typical anomalous functions, I suppose you’re here to warn me of something.” “That’s correct. For whatever reason, I can’t tell you as much as I’d like-probably has something to do with the fact we’re in a different universe. Oh well, I suppose I’ll just have to make do. Just know that all dimensions are in grave peril.” “I am aware of this. This dimension and my own are in the process of a mutually catastrophic dimensional merge event.” The man shook his head, disappointed. “If only it were that small. No, I mean the entire infinitum of the multiverse is in jeopardy, or rather, I suppose, more jeopardy than usual.” “Well, can you explain how we can prevent it?” Gears asked. “I’m afraid I can only give you one word.” The man in the business suit sounded regretful.

“Khahrahk.”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand.” Gears told SCP-990. “I apologize, but that’s really all I can say. I believe that’s all for now.” The dream-world disappeared from around Dr. Gears, who woke up in the middle of the night, still alone in the other group’s base of operations.


	18. s&c plastics

Marcus, Katherine, and Lauren found themselves in the middle of a street, with a sign nearby informing them it was main street. Looking around, they could see dozens of humans walking around, going about their everyday lives. Despite being completely out in the open, and blatantly non-human, the three foreigners were paid no mind. “You think there’s something wrong with this town?” Marcus asked. Before anyone could respond, everything on the street that wasn’t attached to the ground-including the people-were floating in the air. After about ten seconds, they fell back to the ground. Everyone else went on like nothing had happened, while the cephalopods were left on the ground, wondering what just happened. “Someone want to explain to me what that was?” Kat asked no one in particular. “Must be tuesday noon.” A vaguely familiar voice answered. The trio got up to see three men bearing the foundation logo on their uniforms. Trevor, Tristan, and Thomas Bailey stood in front of them, clearly wondering what they were doing there. “Hey, aren’t you the ones from that other dimension last month?” Tristan asked. “Yeah, we were until your foundation locked us up in containment!” Lauren shouted, clearly angry. “Woah, wait, how’d you even get to this dimension anyway?” “Long story short, Trevor-” “-I’m Thomas.” “I’ll let you know when I care.” Marcus continued, “We tried to contain one of the SCPs, the guy who travels between dimensions, and we found ourselves in a foundation site.” “Who? Oh, you mean 507?” Trevor realized. “Yeah, if you say so. We’ve had more important things to worry about over the last month.” Katherine answered. “Look, usually I’m the only one who works here. Trevor and Tom are just here to help out, since this place gets even more insane than usual on Halloween.” “Alright, fair enough.” Marcus responded. “Now, please tell me there’s some way to get us to our own little neck of the multiverse.” “Well, our interdimensional tech has been down ever since we contained SCP-682 last month. That means there’s just one place we might be able to find a way out of this dimension.” “About that. We think we know what’s up with that.” Lauren started. Trevor interrupted, “We shouldn’t be talking about this here. C’mon, let’s get to site-87.” “How’re we supposed to believe they won’t just try to recontain us?” Marcus asked bitterly. “Relax, kid. Sloth’s pit is a nexus, so the anomalous is commonplace around here. We don’t contain anyone here unless they pose an actual threat to the town.” Tristan assured him. “Hey, these guys helped us out last month. Besides, I’m not really seeing how we have any other options.” Katherine agreed. The three foundation employees and the three extradimensional foreigners walked down the streets of Sloth's Pit, completely unnoticed. After an hour or two, they came up to a building. It didn’t look like a headquarters for a clandestine organization; it looked like a normal business establishment with a sign over the front door reading “S&C Plastics”. Tristan pulled his employee card out of his pocket, putting it up to the reader. The door opened, and the half-dozen entered the building. It looked fairly normal, all things considered. There were some chairs and other furniture off to the side, almost like a sort of lounge area. The receptionist’s desk had a bowl of candy on it with a note attached requesting the reader “take only two”. “Ignore the note.” Tristan told the newcomers. “SCP-330’s over at another site.” “SC-what now?” Kat asked him. “It’s a candy bowl that cuts off your hands if you take more than a couple pieces out. Don’t worry, this one’s harmless.” Trevor explained, nonchalantly tossing a few pieces over to the teens while the Baileys took some for themselves. “Nothing like free candy from near-strangers.” Lauren said, unwrapping a piece and popping it into her mouth. “Oh well, guess there’s nothing for it at this point.” The group walked through the door into the main section of site-87. It more resembled what little they’d seen of site-100, except decorated for the holidays. There were black and orange streamers hanging on the walls, some posters, and a plexiglass case containing a floating roll of toilet paper being orbited by a dozen eggs. “Hey, what’s with that thing?” Marcus asked about the latter. “That would be E-5768.” An entirely new person answered him. “I caught it myself back in the october of ‘12.” “No kidding?” Katherine sounded amazed. “You’ve been around since the 1910’s?” “No, I mean 2012. Say, you’re not native to Sloth’s Pit, are you?” “Yeah, we’re from another dimension and we’re trying to get back.” Marcus explained. “Sorry kid, but our interdimensional tech’s been on the fritz the past month.” “Actually, we think we might know why that is, dr. What’s-your-face.” Lauren answered. “Actually, my name’s dr. West. Now, if you’ve got an explanation for our interdimensional malfunctions, I suppose we’d best sit somewhere.”

After a few minutes, everyone in the group had found a quiet place to sit and properly introduce themselves before getting into the main part of the discussion. “So, you three told the Baileys you know why we can’t get anything dealing with other dimensions to work? Is that true?” “Well, we don’t really know. It’s more like an educated guess.” Marcus rebutted. “See, a week after you guys left with SCP-682, two other foundation employees came over to contain a zombie virus that’d infected a hotel.” “Ah, 008, I take it.” Tristan said. “But what does that have to do with anything?” “Well, those two scientists, I think they said Kondraki and Crow, figured the SCPs were coming to our world from some sort of dimensional something-or-other that meant our two universes were merging, and it’d destroy both dimensions.” Katherine answered. “Oh, yeah that would explain why our multi-universal tech’s been down.” Trevor looked like he’d realized something. “That means we’ll probably have to turn to magic to get you back to your dimension.” “Seriously? You’re actually going to help us?” Lauren said, skeptical. “Sure, my schedule’s open. Besides, figures it’d probably make it easier to stop our universes from colliding.” “Finally, some good news! So, where are we going?” Katherine asked. “The eight rings nightclub. Or you are, at least. Humans can’t go there, but with any luck you three will be fine since you’re not humans.” Tristan answered her. “Oh, that’s reassuring. If humans aren’t welcome there, who is?” Marcus asked. “Monsters.” Tristan grinned. “Don’t worry; we’ll figure out a way to remotely communicate with you.” “Alright team. Who’s ready to go to a monster nightclub?” Katherine asked her companions. “Cool. Woohoo.” Marcus responded dryly.

A few hours later, the two inklings and the octoling found themselves entering the ancient, oaken doors of the eight rings nightclub, each having a small device in their ears and on their foreheads so the Bailey triplets could communicate with them and see everything they saw. In the club, the lighting was dark, with an orange glow. There were tables scattered around the pub, with a bar near the front. “Keep your heads down. Remember, we’re here looking for the Goatman.” Marcus reminded them. “Affirmative.” Katherine responded. The three wandered around the pub, looking for the Goatman while avoiding eye contact with the other patrons. There was a faceless man in a business suit with tentacles on his sides whose drinks couldn’t get through his lack of mouth, a pale young man with no eyelids feeding a pasty white creature with glowing eyes, a giant dog with a strangely human-like smile walking around begging for food, and several other creatures. After a few minutes, they saw a man with the legs, eyes, and horns of a goat sitting by himself at a table in the middle of the establishment. The three pulled out the chairs around the table, sitting to face the Goatman. “Oh no, no, no. Don’t ask or anything. Just pull up some chairs for yourselves.” “Thanks.” Marcus responded, completely ignoring the obvious sarcasm. “We’ve got something we need to talk about.” “Very well. Mary! Over here!” The Goatman called someone over, his hand raised in the air. A few seconds later, a woman walked over to their table, wearing a bloodred dress with a viscous black liquid pouring out of her eyes. “You called?” She asked, sounding deadpan and almost cynical. “Mary, get me some tequila.” He glanced over at the three teenagers. “I get the feeling I’m going to need a drink.” “Sure.” As she walked away, they could hear her muttering to herself, “You kill one teenager who summons you from a bathroom mirror and suddenly you’re too untrustworthy to be anything other than a waiter.” The Goatman turned, glaring at the interlopers. “Now, explain. What’s a bunch of kids doing in a tavern of monsters? Actually...” He leaned over, getting a better look. “You’re not human either, are you? Then again, I don’t recognize you either.” “Actually, we’re inklings. Well, Katherine’s an octoling, but that’s not important. What’s important is that we’re from an alternate dimension.” Lauren told him. “Well now, that is interesting. Maybe I won’t disembowel you and devour your entrails after all.” Marcus leaned back in his chair, holding onto the table to keep himself from falling. “Thanks, that’s very reassuring.” “Say, that scent.” The Goatman sniffed the air around them, clearly growing angry. “You’ve got the smell of plastic fanatics.” “Plastic who now?” Lauren asked. “Do you have any idea how much trouble those plastic fanatics have caused us?” “He must mean the foundation. Play it cool; I’ve got this.” Marcus whispered to the others. “If you’re worried about us, don’t bother. We were actually contained by the fanatics for a month until being liberated by the Serpent’s Hand.” The Goatman’s anger seemed to completely disappear, replaced with a sort of approval. “You know the hand? Now I’m really starting to reconsider killing you all. Oh, there you are, Mary.” The woman from earlier had returned, now carrying a glass of alcohol that she placed in front of the Goatman. After downing half the glass in a few seconds, the Goatman started speaking again, his voice now slurred, “You know, I think I might be able to help you out there. If you’ll give me something in return, of course.” “What d’you want?” Marcus asked, fully aware the Goatman was likely their only way back home. “See, a few years back my girlfriend, Sinning Jessie, broke up with me because the humans stopped telling her stories. We’re the embodiment of stories and folklore, so that means if people stop telling our stories, we disappear. Course, they actually did something worse to her.” “What’s worse than that?” Katherine asked. “They weren’t content to stop telling her story. Instead, they changed it. Now they call her Singing Jessie.” “Let me guess: you want us to find your old flame and convince her to get back with you.” Marcus assumed. “No, I’ve given up on that. I just want you to find her so I can know how she’s doing. Make sure she’s happy, at the very least. Then, I’ll help you get to the Wanderer's Library. If you’re really in league with the hand, you should have no problem getting back to your dimension from there.” “Alright, deal. We’ll find out how your ex is doing, and you’ll help us get back to the library.” Lauren confirmed. “That’s about it. HEY!” The Goatman turned in the direction of tables being overturned and drinks flying across the tavern. “Ripper! Spring-heel! If no one’s placing bets, take it outside!” He turned back to the others. “Sorry about the interruption. This year, we’ve gotten a lot of foreign visitors. Those two are from Britain, plus there’s la llorona from Mexico, and some yokai from japan. I take it you’ll be leaving now.” “Yeah, we’ll be back after we find Sinning Jessie.” Marcus confirmed as the three left the table. Once they’d left, the Goatman muttered to himself, “What a day.”, before downing the rest of his tequila.

“Okay, I hate to ask this, but what exactly is our plan here?” Katherine asked. “We agreed to find Sinning Jessie, but we have no idea where to start looking.” “Don’t ask me. I only agreed because the Goatman’s our only way out of this dimension. Still, we should probably start looking in the forest. If she’s anywhere, she’ll be in there.” Marcus suggested. “What makes you say that?” Lauren asked. “Well, it’s a dark forest on the outskirts of an anomalous town. I figure that’s the best place for us to start.” “Alright, I guess that makes sense. Y’know, this is kinda reminding me of the teleporting guy.” Katherine responded. “Yeah, because that ended so well for us.” Lauren snarked. “Let’s just hope this one doesn’t send us to another dimension or scatter us across the multiverse or teleport us into space.” “Probably not. Still, we should be careful in case she turns out hostile.” Marcus said. The three continued through the forest for several hours, wandering aimlessly. After a few hours, they came across what looked like an old campsite. There were four rotting logs arranged in a loose semicircle around the remains of a small campfire, unlit for years. Katherine picked up an old guitar that was leaning against one of the logs, its paint chipped and strings cut. “You guys think this might mean something?” “Yeah, there’s gotta be some reason. Why would anyone leave a guitar here?” Marcus wondered aloud. “Hey guys, check this out.” Lauren called over to them. “What d’ya think this stuff is?” “I think it might be dried human blood. Pretty sure I remember seeing some in a book in the Wanderer's Library.” Marcus answered. “Well, if this is blood, it could give us some kind of lead.” Kat suggested. “Like forensics investigators, but without the luxury of being able to rule out the impossible.” “Who are you looking for?” A strange voice asked. The three looked up, seeing a woman with blood around her mouth wearing a dirty, tattered old wedding dress. Closer inspection showed she was translucent, and floated a few inches above the ground. “Are you Sinning Jessie?” Lauren asked the spirit hesitantly. The strange woman gave them an approximation of a smile. “Yes. I must admit, it’s nice to hear someone speak my real name. But why are you looking for me in the first place?” “It’s the Goatman. He told us to see how you’re doing.” “Him? Well, I suppose it wouldn’t hurt any.” She said, sounding almost hesitant. She picked up a nearby piece of bark, closing her eyes until her hand caught on fire. After a few seconds, the fire went out, and Sinning Jessie held out the bark towards the trio. They hesitated, until Marcus took the bark from Jessie. As he’d expected, it was painfully hot to the touch, though it cooled surprisingly fast. “What’re we supposed to do with this?” He asked the ghost. “Take it to the Goatman. He’ll understand what it means.” “Alright, if you say so. Lauren, Kat, let’s head back to the eight rings.”

It was much easier getting back to the inn, since they now knew where they were going. It was about a half hour before they were reopening the door, searching for the Goatman. They found him at the same table. “Did you find her?” He asked simply. “Yeah. She gave us this.” Marcus pulled the burnt bark out of his pocket, handing it to the Goatman. He clearly started to tear up as he looked at it, a strange sight on such a demonic face. “Thank you. Now, I suppose it’s time to uphold my end of the bargain.” He stood up, and led the teenagers out behind the inn. Once they were there, he drew a series of runes on the dirt with his fingers. He then spoke an incantation, “Magna bibliotheca ad centrum omnium, aperta tibi ad me.” The runes glowed a warm, bright blue, until a Way appeared above them. “Good luck. This is as far as I can help you.” The goatman walked back inside the pub. “Alright, team, ready to head back in?” Lauren asked her companions. “You bet. I can’t wait to get back home. Let’s just hope they’ve been doing alright without us.” Marcus answered. “Well, what are we waiting for then?” Katherine yelled excitedly. “Let’s go already!” the three entered the portal.

When the three entered the Wanderer's Library, they saw that several shelves of books had been knocked over, some reduced to splinters. Marcus picked up a couple of books, one titled “the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe” and the other titled “the Fellowship of the Ring”. “I’m guessing David and his snake monster have been here.” “Yeah, looks like they took care of him already.” Katherine pointed several dozen feet over, where a giant, crystalline serpent was lying dead on the floor. David was nowhere to be found. “Can’t say I’m sad.” She admitted. “C’mon, let’s find Jack so he can open us a Way back home.”


	19. dr. spanko

Dr. Charles Gears had taken hours to arrange this meeting between what he’d hoped would be the best and brightest the SCP foundation had to offer. Instead, he sat at a table with drs. Bright, Clef, Kondraki, and King. He’d been able to explain his encounter with SCP-990, but so far they’d been unable to figure out what Khahrahk meant. Now, they’d moved on to discussing what to do about the influx of SCPs, and the impending collision of two dimensions. “See, what we need to do is find the SCPs as they appear, and bring them back into containment.” King suggested. He’d always been one of the more level-headed employees at the foundation, not that that was saying much. “Well yeah, but how do we do that?” Clef pointed out. “Well, we could always keep an eye on the news. Ever think about that, Alto?” Kondraki responded. “Always the wisecracker, eh Konnie?” “You two, settle down.” Gears calmly ordered. “Now, now, Charles, don’t interrupt them. I want to see where this goes.” Dr. Bright, now possessing D-9341, one of the foundation’s expendable D-class personnel, grinned while watching the altercation between Clef and Kondraki. “Bright, could you at least try to take this seriously?” King snapped. “We’re trying to save the multiverse here!” “So? How’s that any different from our usual job?” Bright asked. “Enough, all of you. Now, I believe that Kondraki’s suggestion to monitor the news may be our best bet, as any anomalous activity would no doubt be immediately reported on.” Gears hoped to bring order to the group. However, he was sorely disappointed as Clef retorted, “Figures you’d side with the guy who nearly destroyed site-19. Remember that, Konnie? The time you nearly wrecked one of our most important facilities just because you wanted to ride 682?” “Why yes, I do remember that, Clef. Say, do you remember the time you tried to kill a little girl on the off chance she might have gone rogue, even though her containment procedures already ensured that wouldn’t happen?” Clef slammed his palms on the table, clearly growing furious. “SCP-239 was a disaster waiting to happen! If Gears hadn’t injected her with coma juice, who knows what could’ve happened?” “It was a chemical, not a juice.” Gears argued. “Really? That’s what you’re worried about right now?” For once, Bright had a point. “Agreed. We should be focused on locating escaped SCPs.” King added. They were then interrupted by the sound of the manhole nearby opening. The five men turned in the direction of the noise to see an old man crawling out of the manhole, looking about in his 80’s or 90’s. He was hunched over, right hand holding onto a walking stick. Despite his eyes looking partially glazed over, he almost immediately noticed the humans. “What’re you lot doing here?” He asked, understandably confused. “Allow me to explain.” King gestured for his colleagues to stay at the table, while he walked over to the old man. “I am dr. Everett King. Me and my fellows have come from an alternate universe to contain anomalous entities that are escaping from our dimension into yours.” The old man slowly put his hand up to his face, shaking his head. “I suppose I had better sit down.”  
Marie was searching for the three agents they’d lost when her phone rang. She took it out of her pocket, seeing the call was from her grandfather. Without hesitation, she took the call. “Hey, gramps! Where’ve you been? Do you have any idea what’s going on?” “Actually, I just found out.” He sounded much more tired than usual, like he’d aged even more over the past month and a half since they’d seen him. “Oh. I guess that means you met Gears, then.” “Yes. I also met Clef, Kondraki, Bright, and King.” Marie thought for a moment. She remembered those first three names, but dr. King didn’t ring any bells. “Look, I’m sorry you had to find out from them. Me and Cal would’ve been there, but right now we’re looking for agents 3, 4, and 8.” “Yes, I heard about how they went missing. I wish you luck in finding them.” Marie remembered something that’d been nagging at her for some time. “Just out of curiosity, what took you so long to get back?” Her grandfather hesitated. “He escaped.” “Wait. who escaped?” Marie knew who he was talking about, but prayed she was wrong. “Octavio. While I was helping the police transport him to the prison in octo valley, our vehicle was attacked by a group of octarian loyalists. He managed to escape, and we spent weeks trying to relocate him until we heard about how a monster nearly destroyed Inkopolis. I couldn’t be prouder of your team for stopping it.” “How can you be proud? That thing wrecked a quarter of the city.” “Yes, but thanks to all of you, it wasn’t the entire city, and from what I’ve heard, The rebuilding is going along well.” “Yeah, thanks. Do you want us to head back to base now?” “No, not until you find the other agents. I know they’re alive somewhere, I just don’t know where exactly.” “Alright, thanks. I’ll tell the others about this.” “Thank you, Marie. I love you.” Marie smiled. “I love you too, gramps.” She hung up, and started texting the others.

Marie: Hey, Callie, guess what?

Callie: what is it?

Callie: hold up, I’m getting a call from grandpa. Let me take this, and then I’ll get back to you.

Marie: K. I’ll contact Marina and Pearl.

Marie: Hey guys! Big news, respond now.

Marina: What is it? Did you find the others?

Marie: Well, no sadly. But my grandfather just called me, and Callie’s talking to him right now.

Pearl: Wait, your grandfather? You mean Craig?

Marie: Yeah, exactly. Turns out he came back after he heard about the kaiju incident. There’s bad news though.

Marina: What is it? Another SCP?

Marie: Not this time. Octavio escaped, and they don’t know where he went.

Marina: this is really bad. Who knows what he’s up to now?

Pearl: Wait, Octavio? Wasn’t he the guy in charge of the octarians?

Marina: Yeah, I was one of his higher-ranking scientists until two years ago.

Callie: I remember that. That’s when we recruited agent 3. If octavio’s out, then we have to recapture him immediately.

Marina: Agreed. I remember he had a real giant mecha fetish, and in case you don’t remember from a couple months ago, he can hold a grudge like no one’s business. Leaving him to his own devices for too long, especially right after an even bigger defeat than last time, can’t end well for anyone.

Pearl: Well, on the bright side it’ll be nice to see Craig again. Me and Marina haven’t seen him since the Deepsea Metro incident.

Callie: Isn’t that when you guys met agent 8?

Pearl: Yep, sure is. Honestly, I think Craig might’ve been a bit untrusting of her at first, but Kat’s a good kid. Same with Marcus and Lauren. Just hoping we find them soon.

Marina: Since when are you on a first-name basis with Cuttlefish?

Pearl: Well, he never said we weren’t on a first-name basis. Besides, he owes me for teaching him how to text.

Callie: Nevermind all that. What’re we going to do about Octavio?

Marie: It’s not just Octavio. We’ve also got the SCPs to deal with, and we’ve got to find the other agents.

Callie: We’re already stretching our resources way too thin. Grandpa told me Gears brought some other foundation guys into the base. Maybe they could help us look?

Marina: Isn’t that way too risky? I mean, who knows what could happen if someone saw them? Their species is supposed to be extinct, remember?

Callie: I’ve honestly been thinking for a while. We may as well break the masquerade.

Marina: Callie, are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean, if the public finds out that these SCPs are leaking in from another dimension, not to mention the fact the entire universe could be destroyed, who knows what sort of mass panic could happen?

Pearl: Hey, wait, I think I’m getting this. We don’t tell them everything, just the basics. There’s monsters from another dimension, but we’ve got people from the same dimension helping us get it under control, and we don’t bring up the universal collision at all.

Callie: That’s exactly what I was thinking.

Marie: Okay, that’s not a bad idea. If everyone knows about the foundation, they’ll be able to look for Octavio while we keep looking for our friends, and Gears will have an easier time monitoring for new SCPs.

Pearl: Now we’ve just gotta figure out who’s going to break the news. Obviously, it should be one of us four introducing it to ease everyone in, and then one of the foundation guys coming in from offscreen, making as good an impression as possible. Marie, you’re technically the leader of the New Squidbeak Splatoon. I’m thinking you should do it.

Marie: Thanks, but Callie’s always been more personable than me, so it should probably be her. Any objections, cous?

Callie: No, that sounds reasonable.

Marina: Cool. Now that that’s settled, quick question: Why d’you 2 call yourselves the Squid Sisters if you’re cousins?

Callie: Alliteration

Marie: Yeah, pretty much. Everyone loves alliteration.

Marina: But wait, if your grandfather is Craig Cuttlefish, wouldn’t that make your last names Cuttlefish too? Wouldn’t it make more sense to call yourselves the Cuttlefish Cousins?

Callie: But we’re not cuttlefish, we’re inklings. That’s just our last name.

Lauren: Callie? Are you there?

Marcus: Marie? Can you see this?

Katherine: Marina, respond ASAP.

Katherine: Pearl, respond ASAP

The three young agents emerged out of a Way in the middle of an old, abandoned alleyway. While it had taken some time to relocate Jack, they were able to explain their situation and he was happy to help them find their own dimension. Now they looked around at their surroundings, ensuring that no one was seeing them. Satisfied, they looked out of the alleyway, noticing some inklings and octoling walking around. “Yes! Finally, we’re back home!” Katherine hadn’t sounded that happy since she first escaped the Deepsea Metro. “We should call them right away.” Marcus suggested. Lauren seemed to agree with him. “You got it. Who knows what’s happened; plus they’ve got to be worried about us by now. Marcus, you call Marie. I’ll contact Callie. Kat, call Marina and Pearl.” The other two nodded, and the three started texting their friends.

Lauren: Callie? Are you there?

Marcus: Marie? Can you see this?

Katherine: Marina, respond ASAP.

Katherine: Pearl, respond ASAP

Callie: Wait…

Marie: Mark! Finally!

Marina: Where are you three?

Pearl: Where’ve you been the past month? We’ve been worried sick. We thought you might’ve been dead.

Katherine: Sorry about that. We actually got stuck in another dimension.

Marie: We kind of figured that. This whole time, we were hoping that SCP you went looking for would eventually warp back into this universe, and you’d be able to follow him.

Lauren: Yeah, that’s not even close to what happened.

Marcus: Wait, are the seven of us all in one chat thing? Is Gears here too?

Callie: Yeah, you three joined our conversation earlier. Gears isn’t in on it, though. He’s still back at base and besides, we’ve got a lot to talk about.

Lauren: Figures. What’s changed?

Pearl: Oh, not much. Just Cuttlefish is back, Octavio’s escaped and is no doubt plotting his revenge, Gears brought in some more foundation scientists, and we’ve decided we have to reveal the humans so they can help us easier.

Lauren: That sounds like the opposite of not much changing!

Marcus: Are you guys sure exposing our operations is such a good idea?

Marie: Don’t worry. We’re only telling them about the SCPs and the scientists, not the universes colliding. Plus, we figure Callie and one of the foundation guys ought to be the ones who break the news.

Callie: That about sums it up.

Lauren: That’s actually not a bad idea.

Katherine: Agreed. This way, it’ll be easier for Gears and the others to operate without having to hide, plus with the three of us back it’ll be easier to split our resources between tracking down the SCPs and finding Octavio.

Marcus: Alright, let’s head back to base. Looking around, we should only be an hour or so away.

Callie: Wait a second. Katherine, did you just respond to Lauren’s text with another text? I thought you three were all together.

Marcus: We are.

Katherine:...

Katherine: No.

Pearl: Uh-huh, sure. Just head back to base, will you? I’m sure you’ve got plenty to tell us about.

Marcus: You’ve got no idea. Headed back now.

Lauren: Same

Katherine: Ditto

Marie: Alright, the four of us will start heading back now, right?

Callie: You got it!

Marina: No reason to stay here now.

Pearl: Some other thing because I want to contribute to this conversation!

It was nearing an hour later when Marie, Callie, Marina, and Pearl entered their base of operations. Just as they’d heard, there were now five humans. They recognized Gears and Kondraki, but they hadn’t encountered Clef or Bright last month, and besides, Bright had changed bodies since then, and dr. Everett King hadn’t been to this dimension before. “Guys, we’re back! And we found the others!” Marie yelled excitedly. “Excellent! Where are they, then?” Cuttlefish looked around, not seeing the agents that’d been lost while he was away. “They texted us from another part of the city. Not sure how they got there, but it should only take a couple of minutes.”

“C’mon, I see the plaza!” Marcus gestured in the general direction where they were going. When they entered the plaza, They heard a deafening “CACK” that knocked over a dozen tables and practically deafened the agents. “Ow! The hell was that?” Lauren asked, not expecting an answer. “CACK! AM CHRISTENED HERR DOKTOR SPANKOFLEX!” the voice was painfully loud, and it was a wonder they didn’t lose their hearing. The three looked around, but couldn’t see anything nearly big enough to make such a noise. “Careful, it might be invisible.” Kat warned. “CACK! NOT UNVIEWING ABLE-TO! VERY OCULAR FRIEND-LIKE!” “What’s it saying? Sounds like gibberish.” Marcus pointed out. They could scarcely understand what the thing was saying, and they still couldn’t see it either. While they were looking around, a small bird flew onto one of the nearby tables that hadn’t been knocked over and stared at the agents. When it opened its mouth, they heard the loud voice again. “HAVE YON PROCURE-GOT A PLUS-NAUGHT NUMERICAL OF STRANGLEFRUITS?” “Guys, I think that bird might be what’s making all that noise!” Katherine realized. “Got it!” Lauren tried to grab the bird, only for it to fly off. Marcus jumped on the table, using it as a springboard to catch the bird in midair and land on his feet, only stumbling a foot or two. Looking in his hands, he could see the bird struggling to get itself free. “CACK! WHATFORE DO YON BE THOUGHT-SPOUTING TO PERFORM UPON MY BODY-SELF?” it sounded slightly louder than before, if that was possible. Marcus screamed in pain as his green ink-blood started to trickle from his ears. Lauren covered his ears with her hands while Kat closed her hands over the bird’s beak, stopping its vocalisations. “Lauren, get something to stop the ink-flow. Then, get something to tie around the bird’s beak.” She then took a moment to appreciate the rare opportunity to say such a sentence. Lauren looked around, eventually just deciding to stuff some napkins from a nearby table in Marcus’s ears. It was far from an effective solution, but it was the best they could do until they got to the first-aid equipment in the base. She then found another napkin, tearing half of it off and tying it around the bird’s beak, keeping it from rupturing their eardrums. “C’mon, let’s go.” Kat gestured over to the base entrance. Marcus didn’t look like he could hear her, but he apparently understood where she was pointing. The three of them ran back over to the base, until they went through the tube under the manhole cover.

The group of ten had been waiting in awkward silence for the past five minutes, give or take, when the entrance opened another time. Lauren and Katherine looked fine all things considered, but Marcus had napkins stuffed in his ears, which seemed to be bleeding, and was holding a bird with a piece of napkin tied around its beak. The three agents ran over to the table where the others were, as dr. King examined the bird. “SCP-2337?” “Figures this thing would be an SCP” Lauren remarked. “It nearly deafened my friend.” “I’ve got something for that.” Callie had gotten a box of bandages from the table they were sitting at, and was sticking some onto Marcus’s ears. She pulled the napkins out of him, throwing them out when she saw they were slightly covered with green ink-blood. “Thanks.” He muttered, handing the bird over to dr. King. “I’ll get him back to dr. Edison.” He activated a device, opening a portal so he could get back to his own dimension. “Don’t worry, I’ll only be gone for a few minutes.” He went through the portal, which remained open. “Wait a second.” Katherine remembered something. “When we went to Sloth’s Pit, one of the Baileys told us their interdimensional tech was down.” “Wait, you’ve been to Sloth’s Pit?” Kondraki asked them. “Yeah, it was weird. They said they were having trouble with tech involving different universes.” Marcus looked unsure, like he couldn’t quite hear himself. “Site-87 is located in the anomalous nexus town of Sloth’s Pit. Considering the information SCP-990 imparted upon me last night, it makes sense they’d start experiencing such problems sooner than other sites. No doubt unless we prevent this situation from escalating any further, the rest of the foundation may soon follow suit, and we may no longer be able to reliably transport SCPs back to our universe.” What he said made sense, but it was worrying nonetheless. However, one thing stood out to the cephalopods. Marie asked, “Wait, SCP-990? Why didn’t you tell us about him?” “Ha! Shows what you all know.” Dr. Bright laughed. “SCP-990 only exists in dreams, so there’s no way to contain him. Besides, he helps out the foundation by warning us when the apocalypse is coming.” “And as an added bonus, he only appears to foundation personnel, so we don’t have to worry about him spilling our little secret to the world at large.” Kondraki added. “Okay, so what did he tell you about, Gears?” Marcus asked, sounding like his hearing was starting to recover. “He was unable to be as transparent in his warning as he usually is due to being in an alternate dimension from usual. However, he informed me that the entire multiverse is being threatened by something called Khahrahk.” “Wait, do you guys think this Khahrahk thing might be what’s really behind the dimensions merging?” Lauren asked. “Yeah, whatever this thing is, it’s probably crazy powerful. Of course, that would mean we were wrong about our lizard theory.” Callie answered. “Lizard? You mean the one from before the zombie incident?” Pearl asked. “Yes, I’ll presume you’re speaking of SCP-682.” Gears responded. “As though Octavio escaping wasn’t enough trouble, now we have a new, even greater threat to consider.” Craig looked more concerned than his granddaughters could remember seeing him. “One problem at a time. First off, we’ve decided it’s in our best interest to expose the humans to the public.” Marina informed the scientists. To say the response was disappointing would be an understatement. “No way! The foundation is sworn to secrecy! Maintaining the veil is one of our top priorities!” Dr. Clef yelled above the others. “Maybe in your world, but here, it could be in our best interest, since cephalopods will be more inclined to contact us about SCP encounters.” Craig thought for a moment about her reasoning. “I don’t like the idea of exposing our group’s activities to the public. Still, I must admit your logic is sound.” Dr. King then exited the portal, which he closed behind him. “Alright, I just got SCP-2337 back to his containment. Dr. Edison’s taking care of him right now. Turns out, he was just looking for gummy worms, or as he calls them, stranglefruits.” “Good. By the way, what’s with the way he was talking? It didn’t make any sense, and it was ear bleeding. I should know.” Marcus gestured to his bandages. “Yeah, 2337 talks in some language that’s only tangentially related to english. As for the volume, he’s incapable of talking below 90 decibels as far as we can tell. Honestly, from what we can gather, he doesn’t mean any harm.” Dr. King explained. “Yeah, I’m sure. Anyway, we should probably catch you up on what we’ve been discussing.” It only took a few minutes to explain everything to dr. King, who was surprisingly on board with it all. “Hey, you know what I just realized? There’s thirteen of us, like our own little overseer council.” His fellow scientists looked like they had just realized something fascinating, while the cephalopods were just plain confused. “What, may I ask, is an overseer council?” Craig looked over at dr. King. “Oh, right, you guys wouldn’t know. The overseer council, or the 0-5’s, are the people in charge of the foundation. No one knows anything about them except there’s 13 of them.” The new inhabitant to this universe told the old captain. “Yeah, and even that isn’t completely certain.” Dr. Clef remarked. “Some say there’s 14 of them, or that the ethics committee holds even more power. Really, the foundation higher-ups are one big question mark.” “Takes one to know one.” Kondraki replied. “Clef, Kondraki, silence. We must figure out which of us will be the human portion of the impending announcement to publicise ourselves to this world.”


	20. keeping it fresh with your homies down at the Inkopolis news studio

Callie was sitting in the Inkopolis plaza news studio, waiting for dr. Clef to show up to join her in revealing the foundation to the public of Inkopolis. According to dr. Gears, he had an effect on women where, for reasons unknown, they were naturally repulsed by him. Since Callie was a non-human from an alternate dimension, dr. Gears had decided this would be the best opportunity to conduct an experiment on her reaction to dr. Clef 1-on-1. He was currently absent, but she’d been told it wouldn’t take long for him to show up. She hoped dr. Gears would prove correct in this assumption, as it was nearing the time when they’d announced yesterday they would have a report guaranteed to change everything. The humans who’d escaped from the infinite IKEA last month had done so after the area was already evacuated, so naturally no civilians had seen them. Hopefully this wouldn’t be too much of a disaster. Callie had been thinking to herself for a few hours, waiting for Clef to show up, when she looked at the clock and realized she only had five minutes until they were supposed to go live. “Oh shoot...” She looked around the empty studio, hoping dr. Clef would show up soon. While he still failed to show up, Callie saw it was only a few seconds until she went live. “Well, guess I’ve gotta improvise.” She adjusted her shirt, trying to look relaxed as the cameras activated. “Hey everyone. I, uh, I know we’ve been having something, uh, a bit of a month recently.” She hoped she wasn’t sweating as much as she thought she was. “I have to admit, we, well, I mean, that is to say, we haven’t been entirely honest. Or really honest at all” She hoped this wouldn’t be seen as damage control. “For example, some of you may remember the, uh, what was it? Oh, right, the gas leak at New Albacore. Well, some of you might’ve suspected there was something more. Just know that there was.” She figured she might as well break the news fast. “It was a zombie epidemic. Some of you might not believe me.” Callie almost smiled; she was starting to get more confident as she kept talking. “I can’t say I blame you, but now, I’m telling the truth. The kaiju from last month that destroyed part of the city was from another dimension, and the more recent disaster at New Albacore was caused by a small army of monsters. I want to say that these incidents, and the giant lizard monster from even earlier, were isolated incidents, or just a series of unfortunate coincidences.” she paused, second-guessing whether this was a good idea. Then again, even if it wasn’t, it was much too late to back out now. “Well, they weren’t. The theory of alternate dimensions has been proven correct, and all of these creatures have come from a different universe. I urge you all to not panic, as there is some good news. See, me and my cousin, along with three others, are all part of a small peacekeeping militia force known as the New Squidbeak Splatoon, and we’ve actually got some help from that same reality.” She realized that said help still hadn’t arrived. “I said, we’ve got some help from that dimension!” she didn’t know what she thought shouting would do, but it clearly wasn’t working. “Uh, can someone cut to commercial? Oh right, We can’t- No wait, I just remembered, uh...” Callie ran offscreen, flipping the switch to change to a commercial for some new food product.

“Wow.” Was all Marie could say. Her cousin was completely bombing, and she couldn’t tell whether to break down crying or burst into laughter. Most of the 10 others seemed to share that opinion, though drs. Bright and Kondraki were eating from a tub of popcorn before the commercial break started. “That was...” “interesting.” Marcus finished. “Yeah, if by interesting you mean a complete disaster.” Dr. King corrected. “Now, now, hopefully they can salvage this. Besides, it’s at least partially your man’s fault for being so late.” Craig tried to keep up morale. “Yeah, we probably shouldn’t have let him leave drunk.” Bright said. “Yeah. Wait what?” Katherine looked at Bright, completely shocked. “What do you mean, drunk?” “Oh, did I say drunk? I meant-” “Intoxicated. Hammered. Inebriated.” Dr. Kondraki interrupted. “Okay, I know I’m going to regret asking, but just how drunk is he?” Lauren asked apprehensively. “It’s Clef. Trust me, you don’t want to know.” Kondraki answered. “Oh geez. This is going to be a disaster.” Marina said quietly, putting her head in her hands. “Tell me about it. I didn’t make nearly enough popcorn!” Kondraki exclaimed, clearly excited for whatever reason.

“Wait, we’re back already?” Callie was shocked at how quick the commercial break had been. She’d expected Clef to show up by now, but he was still nowhere to be found, leaving her floundering. Before she could start on the nuclear option-which would start with figuring out what the nuclear option would be-the door opened, and dr. Clef burst in, running straight into the studio. “Sorry I’m a bit late” “A bit late? You were supposed to be here an hour ago! Are you drunk?” “What? No.” Dr Clef denied, looking and sounding very drunk. “Now, let’s get started with this.” He turned to the camera, saying, “Kids, if a stranger approaches you on the street, all you gotta do is deck ‘em and run. Cut open their jugular with a pencil, exsanguinate them with a paperclip, or just go the old-fashioned route and give ‘em a nice hard kick in the happy sack. Just make sure they can’t-” He was interrupted by Callie putting her hand over his mouth. “Clef, I don’t mean to sound rude, but what the hell do you think we’re doing here?” “Oh, well, I thought we were doing a PSA on stranger danger.” Callie instinctively recoiled, as though she was subconsciously sensing something inherently wrong with Clef. “Okay, first off, no one would ever let you do a PSA on stranger danger except as an example. Second, we’re breaking the masquerade, remember?” Dr Clef thought for a moment. “Oh, right! The masquerade! How silly of me! How could I forget?” “Are you sure you’re not drunk?” “Well, maybe a little drunk. But anyway, the masquerade.” He turned back to the camera. “Me and some other humans have come from my dimension to help contain monsters known as SCPs from my dimension, so call us if you see anything strange or, as we say where I come from, anomalous. The number is 1-500-BITE-MY-” Before he could finish, Callie took off her shoe and threw it at his head. “Ow! What was that for, kid?” “Clef! That’s not our number and you know it!” “Well what do you expect? I’m drunk.” “Oh man, this is a disaster. Anyway, the real number is (529) 215-2020. Just call (529) 215-2020 if you see something anomalous, and we’ll contain it in no time.” Dr Clef looked lost. “Now what do we do?” Callie turned off the camera. “Now, we book it.” The two ran off, back to the base, before they could see everyone’s reactions to their dumpster fire of a broadcast.

“Hey, how’ve you two been?” Pearl asked as Callie and Clef re-entered the base, one through the regular entrance, and the other through the more human-friendly auxiliary entrance. “Don’t ask. You saw the broadcast; you know full well how it went.” Callie snapped. “Still causing trouble wherever you go, eh Alto? Honestly, I didn’t expect anything different.” Kondraki laughed at his rival. “Very funny, Konnie.” Dr. Clef almost looked like he’d started to sober up. “That was a complete disaster. We’ll be lucky if there isn’t a mass panic!” Dr. King yelled at them. “Okay, I see your point, but you have to admit it was mostly his fault.” Callie gestured over to Clef. “Look, here’s my idea: We wait a week or so for everyone to get used to the fact there are humans living around here, and then we send Kondraki, Clef, and Bright out to look for Octavio while Gears and King stay here to help us out with the SCPs.” Marina thought her plan was relatively sound, though King clearly disagreed. “Absolutely not. Those three together without any proper supervision can never end well. Instead, send dr. Gears and Clef. Me, Kondraki, and Bright can stay here and help out with the SCiPs.” “Very well. You know your colleagues better than we do, and you seem mostly well-adjusted compared to them, so I’ll trust your judgement.” Craig approved. “Alright, so we’ve got something vaguely approximating a rough outline of a plan. Now there’s just one question.” Marcus started. “What’re we going to do about the humans from the infinite IKEA?” “Well, I doubt they could’ve made an entire settlement in just a month.” Marie said after thinking for a brief moment. “I say we wait until next year and then send 5 of us to go check on them.” “Alright, sounds good.” Lauren agreed. “Maybe we could give them financial aid. I mean, our world’s economy is probably way different from theirs. No doubt we should help them adjust so we can start establishing a trading system to capitalize on an open market, thereby establishing a self-sufficient symbiotic economic relationship between us and the humans.” Realizing that about half the group was giving her odd looks, she added, “I paid a lot of attention in finances.” “Seriously? I was just thinking we could help them figure out what to name the place.” Bright suggested.


	21. too spooky

“You sure about this, Lauren?” Marcus asked. “I mean, letting the humans go out in public tonight? Is that such a good idea?” “Well, yeah, of course. I mean, it is Halloween. What better time to officially introduce them to the public? Besides, let’s face it, we need all the good PR we can get after that stunt Callie and Clef pulled this morning.” “Okay, you’re definitely right about that. Plus, it’ll be Kat’s first Halloween after escaping the Deepsea Metro. I told her about it this morning, and she seemed really excited.” “Yeah, I saw.” Lauren smiled, remembering how her friend had reacted to the prospect of a holiday “dedicated to mouth decay and night terrors” as she’d put it. “Everyone, I’m afraid I have dire news.” Dr. Gears announced. “Oh great, what is it this time? Another SCP?” Katherine asked from a few feet away. “I’m afraid so. I just received a call from a civilian saying that a giant, hairy creature wearing some sort of helmet jumped out at her in her apartment, causing her to faint. When she woke up, as far as she informed me, nothing was disturbed, she was unharmed, and the monster was nowhere to be seen.” “That’s weird. You mean it just scared her and left?” Marcus found himself confused by the news. “I’m afraid I know exactly what we’re dealing with here. Everyone, come sit.” Dr. King gestured over to the table. As soon as all 13 of them had gathered around it, King started explaining. “What we have here is SCP-2006. It’s a creature with possibly limitless shapeshifting capabilities, obsessed with inflicting as much fear as possible. Other than that, it’s surprisingly friendly, and it has a very limited grasp on human emotions. We’ve been using that to our advantage, showing it low-budget B-movies from the fifties and convincing it they’re the pinnacle of horror.” “Well, that doesn’t sound so bad. If all this guy does is cheesy jump-scares, and he doesn’t actually hurt anyone, maybe we can wait until after Halloween to contain it.” Katherine suggested, sounding hopeful. “Unfortunately, it’s not that simple.” Bright shot her down. “Didn’t you hear what King said? SCP-2006 has limitless shapeshifting potential. It’s also obsessed with causing fear, and so far our best bet for containing it is limiting its grasp of fear.” “Bright is correct.” Gears added. “If SCP-2006 were to find out what true horror is, the results could be disastrous.” “Oh. Yeah, I think I see what you’re getting at.” Marcus agreed. “Especially with everything that’s been happening recently, the broken masquerade, and halloween...” His voice trailed off. “Okay, I see your point. We need to capture this guy immediately.” Katherine said, having changed her mind. “From our interactions with him, we’ve gathered that he’s actually polite and friendly with our staff. With any luck, that’ll extend to outside containment as well. Just make sure that no matter how silly its chosen form is, you act like it’s the most horrifying thing you’ve ever seen.” King made sure to emphasize the right words so he got his point across. “Alright, will do. How many of us are going?” Marie asked. “I want all hands on deck for this one. The longer SCP-2006 is out wandering on its own, the bigger risk we take.” “A good strategy, I must admit. You may yet prove yourself a useful ally.” Craig said. “Well, maybe not all of us.” Clef gestured to the old inkling. “Fair enough. I suppose I am more fit for mission-control status.” “Alright, so the 12 of us will fan out across the city and look for SCP-2006. Any advice when we do find it?” Callie looked at dr. King expectantly. “Again, just convince it you’re utterly horrified by whatever form it’s adopted. Once it’s satisfied, it should come back quietly once you explain it’s going back to the foundation.” “Wait, are you sure? It seriously doesn’t mind being contained?” Marina asked, surprised. “Nope. it’s convinced we show it top-notch horror movies, so it’s content to stay with us. Still, we shouldn’t let it wander around too long.” Clef replied. “Well, what’re we waiting for, then? Let’s go already!” Pearl jumped out of her seat. “Right. We’ll split into teams of two: me and Callie, Pearl and Marina, Marcus and Clef, Lauren and Katherine, King and Kondraki, and Gears and Bright. That sound good?” “Yes. I think that should prove fairly effective.” King approved. “We set out now. Let’s go people, go, go, go!” “Wait, are we supposed to go?” Marcus asked sarcastically. “I couldn’t quite tell.”

It was the middle of the night when they all left the base and started searching the city, splitting up as they’d previously arranged. Lauren and Kat were searching through the streets, Katherine busying herself with looking at the decorations, when Lauren asked her, “What was it like?” “What was what like?” Kat asked, snapping herself out of her distracted stupor. “Joining up with those artists. What did they call themselves?” a look of recognition passed over Kat’s face. “You mean Are We Cool Yet?, right? I’ll admit, it was actually kind of nice at first. They told me once we got done with our little ‘project’, they’d help me look for you guys. Guess we know how that turned out, huh?” “Yeah, that didn’t end well. I’m guessing your project was that giant snake that attacked us in the Wanderer’s Library?” “Yep. It was actually a painting I worked on with David, the leader of the little group that took me in. He told me the painting was only going to cause mild headaches, not actually hurt anyone.” She suddenly became very interested in the ground. “Sorry you got lied to like that.” “No, no, I’m fine. Besides, I saw what happened to you with the Chaos Insurgency.” Lauren looked like she was trying to grasp at something she knew was there, but she just couldn’t get a grip on it. “Honestly, all I remember is waking up in a truck surrounded by some guys in uniforms, trying to escape, and then there was this really bad pain in my back. After that, everything’s pretty much just a blur until I woke up in the Wanderer’s Library with you guys.” Katherine thought about whether she should tell her friend, but decided she could handle it. “Sorry to tell you this, but when we found you, you were being mind-controlled.” Lauren stopped in her tracks, slack-jawed. “Like Tartar.” “Come again?” Katherine remembered that name from a few months ago, during the Deepsea Metro incident. “Don’t you remember? That AI that tried to destroy the world? It mind controlled me to try and kill you, but then I could see everything I was doing, and afterwards, I can still remember all of it.” “Wow. Lauren, I-I’m sorry. I had no idea-” “Don’t worry about it.” Lauren smiled at her friend. “You’re a really good fighter. If it weren’t for you, that genocidal phone would’ve won and we’d all be dead.” “Thanks. Course, now it seems we might all die sooner or later. I mean, we’ve got this fear monster to catch, not to mention whatever other SCPs show up, Octavio’s still out there, plus we’ve got to figure out what Khahrahk is and how we can stop it from destroying the multiverse.” “Easy, Kat. Remember, one crisis at a time.” “Alright, alright, I see your point. Y’know, you seem to be taking this all pretty well for someone who just found out she was mind-controlled for the second time in a year.” “Honestly, I figure I have two options: a complete mental breakdown, or trying to take everything in one at a time in the hopes of staying sane.” Lauren kept smiling, but something about it looked forced. Before Katherine could think of a response, they heard a scream of terror just around the corner about 20 feet away. A dozen people ran past them, screaming about some horrible sludge monster. The girls exchanged glances. “We can talk later. I think we just found our guy.” “Got it, Lauren.”

Marcus and clef weren’t doing much better. They were searching through a different part of town, no less well-decorated or densely populated with trick-or-treaters. Every house was covered in black and white streamers, with sculptures of ghosts, vampires, black cats and all manner of classic horrors. The two agents were looking for a very special horror, though; one that would try to put all the others to shame.Of course, none of the decorations drew quite as much attention as dr. Clef. Many more civilians than he would’ve liked-in this case, more than one-recognized him from the news broadcast that morning. At least one small child in a cheap, homemade vampire costume had pointed at him and said, “Look! It’s drunk human guy!”, causing his mother to quickly push him away while making sure to avoid Clef’s gaze. He didn’t care, though. All that mattered was the mission, recapturing SCP-2006. “So, you ever go out on Halloween?” Clef almost smiled, though not quite. Kid’s trying to make conversation. He thought to himself. Isn’t that cute? “Honestly, kid, I can’t really be bothered to remember what time of year I go on missions.” “Oh, well, do you think you’ll remember this at least?” Dr. Clef thought for a moment. “I dunno.” Marcus sighed. “Such a way with words.” While they were talking, a small drop of slime appeared on Clef’s head. “Oh, gross! What is-hey wait a minute.” He recognized the substance, whispering, “Quick, kid, act scared.” Marcus immediately got the message, dropping to his knees and shaking in mock fear. A gigantic monster appeared, a slug about ten feet long, looking like some guy wearing a cheap costume. Despite how ridiculous the costume looked, dr. Clef begged, “Please don’t hurt me! Take the kid!” while Marcus muttered “Can’t trick-or-treat. Slug will eat me.” the slug laughed. It was a normal, friendly-sounding laugh, which meant it sounded incredibly strange coming out of a giant slug. “Hey, is that you, Clef? I wasn’t sure I’d ever see you again! You can relax; it’s just me.” Dr. Clef picked himself up off the ground. “Hey, kid, you can get up now. It’s just 2006.” Marcus got to his feet, making sure not to do it too quickly. “Oh, thank goodness.” “So, what’s up with this place? One minute I’m watching a movie, the next minute I’m in this place surrounded by weird squid-people. I swear, this is the second-weirdest day of my life.” Marcus decided not to ask about the weirdest day. “Still, it’s been fun. These people have been a lot of fun to scare, plus I’ve got some great reactions. Guess it’s time to go back now, right?” “That’s right, 2006. You’ve had your fun.” “Alright then. By the way, who’s your friend?” The slug pointed one of its eye stalks at Marcus. “Name’s Marcus. I’m part of a group in this dimension aiding some of the foundation’s scientists in recapturing SCPs that’ve escaped to this universe.” “Sounds fun. Guess I may as well try out a new form.” The slug shrank, its shape changing until an inkling was standing in front of them, pale-skinned with deep black eyes, spiky red mohawk hair, and the number 2006 tattooed on his forehead. “How do I look?” He asked, looking to the two like a child showing his mother a drawing he was especially proud of. “Wow. Dude, you look seriously creepy.” Marcus told him. “Thanks! That’s exactly what I was going for. Lead the way, Clef.” Clef nodded, and the three started heading back to the base. Marcus got his communicator out of his pocket, calling the captain. “Hey man, good news. We managed to get 2006 to come with us peacefully.” “Excellent. I’ll be sure to let the others know.” Satisfied, Marcus put the object away and returned to walking.

Lauren and Katherine found themselves in an old, nearly ruined haunted house. It was nothing special, just a quick attraction put together by some local volunteers, but now the black sludge all over the place made it much more unnerving than before. “Looks to me like 2006 has already managed to pick up some actual scares.” “Got that right.” Katherine agreed. “This stuff is kind of looking like that green goop from the Metro.” She was startled by her communicator beeping, and pulled it out of her pocket. “Yeah, Cap? What is it?” “Good news. SCP-2006 has been retrieved and is coming back peacefully.” That news made Katherine go pale. “Oh. Okay, we’ll be right there.” She pocketed the device, hand shaking. “What’s wrong?” Lauren asked. “It’s the captain. He just told me another one of the groups already got 2006.” Lauren backed away a few feet. “Wait...then what’s in here?”


	22. possessive mask

Drs. King and Kondraki had just gotten the message from the old man about 2006 being retrieved when Kondraki felt a tap on his shoulder. Turning around, he jumped backward. The inkling in front of him was wearing a familiar porcelain comedy mask, with an empty smile and blank eye sockets. “035!” Dr. King exclaimed, recognizing the mask. “What are you doing here?” The mask looked at him, its horrible blank eyes boring into his soul. “Isn’t it obvious? I suddenly appeared somewhere near here with no idea how, and I managed to convince this here gentleman to put me on his face. Now, would you two like to come over to his place? I believe he’s got some tea there.” “No, 035. We didn’t come out here to contain you, but we will nonetheless.” Dr King stepped towards the masked inkling. “Just come quietly, and there won’t be any trouble.” “You know what, I think there’s a way we can both get what we want. May I interest you in a snack?” 035 put his hand in his pocket, pulling out a small pile of appleseeds. “Now how’d that get there?” Even 035 sounded confused. Dr. King, though, was simply enraged. He screamed, “ENOUGH WITH THE APPLESEEDS!” and punched 035 in the face. While he managed to readjust himself, the scientists could see that the face had nearly rotted down to the bone. “Okay, okay, so you don’t want snacks. I get it. I think there’s a drink shop near-” 035 was interrupted by dr. Kondraki shooting it. The mask then fell off his victim, leaving him to collapse onto the ground with his face reduced to a hole revealing his species’ lack of a skeleton. Several civilians had stopped to watch the fight, but only now seemed to realize that it wasn’t some halloween stunt. Among the panic, dr. King asked his colleague, “Why would you shoot it?” He replied, “Well, I figure if it’s unbeatable psychologically, we may as well try brute force.” “You just wanted to shoot it, didn’t you?” “Nah, that’s just a bonus.” “Wait, gentlemen. I believe we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot. Perhaps I could-” Dr. Kondraki started kicking the mask into the ground. “Shut up, you Jim Carrey knockoff!” He shouted as dr. King went into a nearby house. Seeing it empty, he grabbed a medium-sized blanket off the couch, running outside to wrap it around the mask. Doing so achieved his goal of silencing the mask. “Huh. wonder why we never thought of that.” Kondraki commented. “Honestly, I wasn’t sure it would work. I just figured we had to do something to keep it from persuading us to put it on, or do who-knows-what.” Kondraki nodded, knowing full well that 035 had a history of persuading those it conversed with into doing things they would normally never dream of. Even those it wasn’t directly possessing could be persuaded by its flawless expertise in human psychology, making it a very dangerous SCP. While King held the blanket muffling 035-hopefully the corrosion effect wouldn’t be too fast-Kondraki called the old man at the base. “Hey man, we just caught 035.” “Good. Now, I just got word of a man walking around with a mask. His girlfriend said he was acting completely different.” “Yeah, that’s 035.” “Right, right. Did the guy wearing it survive?” Kondraki looked at the corpse on the ground, looking normal apart from the empty void where his face had corroded away. “Sorry, but people who wear 035 don’t survive.” He hung up the communicator. “Come on. We’re going back to the base.”

He didn’t understand. He was in his cell. Contained. He hated it. He hated them. The ones who’d contained him, imprisoning him. He didn’t know who they were. They didn’t know who he was. Or what. All he knew was that he despised them. All he knew was hunger. They wouldn’t let him sate himself. He needed food. He wanted to hunt. Hear screams. Feel flesh. Taste flesh. He wanted release. And suddenly, he had it. The cell disappeared. Less dark. Open nighttime. He could see people. Wandering around. Oblivious. He was hidden. A dark alley. Concealing. He was hungry. Now there were people. Food. He was happy. Soon his hunger would disappear. He’d be satisfied. He heard a voice. A mother. Calling her children. “Robert! Lawrence! Over here!” He paused. Something about those names. He recognized them. No matter. The past didn’t matter. There were children. Finally, he could begin his feast.


	23. the old man

Lauren had started to sweat, and it had nothing to do with the temperature. “I mean, if 2006 has already been recontained, then where’s all this sludge coming from?” “Maybe it’s part of the attraction. Maybe it’s got nothing to do with any anomaly.” Kat tried to keep the two from panicking, difficult though it was. “Oh, yeah. I always see haunted houses on a neighborhood volunteer budget with sludge monsters convincing enough to send a dozen grown adults running and screaming in fear.” A particularly large glob of black slime fell between them, the small piece of floor beneath sizzling and vaporizing to leave a circular hole. “Still don’t think it’s an anomaly?” Lauren asked, her tone bitter and sarcastic. “Okay, well maybe we can take it. I’ll call dr. Gears.” She grabbed her communicator, punching in Gears’s code-they’d all gotten communicators and each others’ new codes the previous day. It was only a few seconds before he answered. “What is it? We’re heading to the base right now because of SCP-2006 being successfully recontained.” “Yeah, about that. Do you know of an SCP that leaves black sludge everywhere?” Gears paused. “Is the sludge corrosive in nature?” Kat looked at the hole in the floor, with one last puff of smoke. “Yeah, I’d say that’s pretty darn corrosive.” “Run.” “What was that?” “Find the quickest way back to the base, and get back immediately. That’s SCP-106, a highly dangerous humanoid entity. Do not engage it. I repeat, don’t engage SCP-106.” “Okay, got it.” Katherine pocketed the communicator. “It’s called 106, and Gears said to just run back to base.” “I knew it. If it’s not one thing trying to kill us, it’s another.” The two ran towards the door, only for a puddle of black slime to appear in their way. A monstrous abomination emerged out of the puddle. It was human in shape, but there was nothing human about that mouth stretched into a horribly wide, sadistic grin, or the pitch-black sludge that seemed to comprise its emaciated, 6-foot form. It opened its mouth, emitting a horrible noise that might’ve been some perversion of laughter. It was deep and raspy, sounding almost like multiple voices manifesting simultaneously. “Okay, I’m guessing that’s SCP-106.” Lauren had started shaking. “No, it’s my uncle Larry. Run!” Katherine screamed, pulling her slightly older companion by the arm. The two teenagers sprinted through the haunted house, ignoring the plastic skeletons and felt spiderwebs and other cheap horrors that could never hold a candle to the very real, visceral monster that now pursued them. Lauren looked back at the humanoid monster, still approaching them. Its gait was slow and methodical, like it was toying with them. “Here goes nothing.” She muttered, pulling out her splattershot. She pulled the trigger a dozen times, leaving a small hole in its chest. The monstrous old man showed no pain as the damage repaired itself. “Gears was right. Fighting’s not an option; we have to leave now.” Katherine observed. “Ya think?” “Wait, I think I see the exit. C’mon!” the two left through the back door, not bothering to look behind them as SCP-106 emerged through the wall, burning a large hole in the building. Lauren pulled out her own communicator as they continued to sprint down the street. “Gears, we’re being pursued. Any advice?” “Whatever you do, don’t let it catch you.” “Well, what do we do if it does catch us?” There was a brief pause, followed by a single word. “Pray.” “Alright, let’s not find out what happens if it catches up.” Lauren said as she pocketed her communicator. “Agreed. I’ll call Dr. King and ask him if it’s got any weaknesses.” “Good call. Put it on 3-way.” Kat nodded, pulling out her communicator. She punched in Lauren and King’s codes as her companion whipped out her own device, allowing the three to communicate all at once. “King, we’re being chased by SCP-106.” Kat started. “We need to know if it has any weaknesses.” King paused. “106? You mean the old man?” “Tall, pitch-black, made of sludge that corrodes everything it touches? That sound about right?” Lauren asked. “Yeah, that’s him alright. He can be contained if you subject him to intense bright light.” “Got it. I think I know just the place.” She put her communicator away. “Kat, c’mon, we’re headed to the bar!” “What? Aren’t we too young for that?” “We’re not buying. I’ve got a plan to stop that thing. Is it still chasing us?” Katherine looked behind them, where 106 was walking through a car, reducing it to scrap metal. “Oh yeah, it’s still chasing us. How far away is the bar?” “Should only be a few miles.” “And you know this how?” Lauren whipped out her phone. “GPS. what’d you think?” “Nevermind that.” Lauren would’ve laughed if she weren’t so terrified. The two ran across the streets of the city, occasionally looking back to see 106 gradually closing the gap between them. After about 15 minutes or so, the exhausted teens saw the sign for the bar, approaching within 24 feet of the door. “Look.” Katherine tapped Lauren’s shoulder, who turned around. 106 was no longer visible. “Where’d it go?” Lauren asked. “How should I know?” Katherine felt the ground dissolve beneath her, causing her to jump backwards. The octoling would’ve fallen into the black puddle of acidic slime if her fellow agent hadn’t pulled her away. “I think we found him.” Kat said, trying in vain to dispel the horror. “Yay us.” The two ran into the bar, where dozens of patrons sat around drinking. There were some halloween decorations around, albeit with a bit more gore than most of the city’s decor. Most of the customers didn’t seem to notice the two sweating, scared young women entering an establishment where they clearly didn’t yet belong. The bartender, however, leaned over, adjusting his glasses. “Hey, you kids don’t belong here. Get out, now.” Kat decided she had to try and explain their strategy. “Please, sir, you don’t understand.” She said, leaning against the counter and hyperventilating between every syllable. “We...we have...have to...” Kat paused for a moment, feeling like she was about to pass out from exhaustion. “Wait, what are we doing?” Lauren stepped up to the counter, telling the bartender. “Monster. Weak to light. Evacuate bar. Alcohol and fire. Please.” The bartender laughed. “You want me to send everyone outside so a couple of kids can set my workplace on fire to stop some monster?” Lauren nodded. “Sorry. Not happening.” Lauren started panicking. Why isn’t it here already? “Please. It’s the only way.” the door to the bar turned black, rotting away as 106 entered the bar. The patrons took notice, running out of the back door into the streets. Katherine turned back to the bartender, exhaustion giving way back to adrenaline. “Now do you believe us?” He nodded, leaving along with everyone else. “Let me guess: We’re going to set this place on fire so the light will paralyze 106. Right?” Lauren nodded. “Yeah, alcohol and fire go great together. Now we just need a match.” She looked around. “There!” they both ran toward a table where someone had left a matchbox. A pool of viscous black liquid appeared on the tabletop, 106 emerging out of it. The table was reduced to splinters, the matchbox dissolving as well. Now, Lauren realized just how screwed they actually were. This wasn’t some savage, animalistic monster acting on base instinct and hunger. It knew they were going for the matchbox. It knew their plan. The horrible grin and the gleam in its sunken blue eyes all but confirmed it. This was a sentient, sadistic, clever monster that had them at its mercy. “It...it can think.” Katherine sounded surprised. So, she’d figured it out too. Fat lot of good it did them now, seeing as 106 was still approaching and there wasn’t any way to start a fire in sight. Sure, there was a fireplace, but it was directly behind 106. Besides, he’d already shown he could teleport, so what would be the point? “Now what?” Kat hadn’t sounded that terrified since they’d first encountered the rotting old man. Lauren weighed the options. Flight was out of the question, so that left just one alternative. “Now, we fight.” They knew it was stupid. They knew it was hopeless. They knew it was their only shot.


	24. the prototype

Dr. Gears and dr. Bright had been walking back to the base when one of the inklings had called, saying she was being pursued by SCP-106. Gears had wanted to go back, but decided it would be unwise since he didn’t know where they were. Still, he hoped they could find a way to escape 106. Gears knew what it did to its victims, and he wouldn’t wish it on his worst enemy. When 106 caught someone it deemed a prey item-usually 10-24 years old-it imprisoned them in a pocket dimension where it was all but God. it had complete control over matter, space, and time, and used that power to inflict unimaginable psychological and physical torture on its victims before expelling them to devour later. A few weeks after 106 had been initially contained, it had managed to breach its containment, drawing an agent into its pocket dimension. When he was released, the agent survived for a full hour as a cracked, misshapen, eyeless husk. If his mouth hadn’t been twisted into something barely recognizable, he surely would’ve been screaming until he finally passed on. All of this went through Gears’s head as he asked Bright, “What do you think happened to them?” Bright thought for a brief moment. “You mean the kids getting chased by the old man?” Gears nodded. “Yes. do you think they’ve managed to evade it?” “Charlie, you of all people should know you can’t just evade 106, and you can’t fight it either. Unless they can outsmart that thing, they’re as good as dead. I don’t like it, but it’s true.” “Regrettably, you’re right. Once we’ve returned to the base, the 10 of us can go out and search for them. Right now, however, we can only hope they manage to find some way to survive.” While they were talking, they heard a loud, demonic screech. A monstrous humanoid jumped down from what they assumed was the roof of a building, its entire body grey and brown in coloration. It had a perfectly round head, seemingly much too large for the 2-foot twig of a neck that somehow supported it. Its claws were razor sharp on its hands and feet, and despite its emaciated look, it was a highly efficient, highly dangerous killing machine. “SCP-001.” Gears said. He remembered this beast, and he would never forget it. It was the first SCP he’d ever caught, back when the foundation was a very new, very different organization. 001 circled the two scientists, apparently sizing them up. Without warning, it lunged at dr. Bright, who managed to roll to the side just as its claw cut up the sleeve of his shirt. The scratch wasn’t dangerous, but it still hurt like hell. Gears, meanwhile, had jumped backwards to avoid the monster altogether. He pulled out his foundation-issue blaster and fired it at the creature. When he’d first caught it, he remembered calling it the prototype-a reference to it being one of the first SCPs ever contained, resulting in a relatively primitive document. The prototype stumbled, rubbing its massive, spherical eye suspended within its skull. Dr. Bright threw a flying kick in its side, causing the beast to fall on its back. It managed to get up surprisingly fast, only for the two scientists to start aiming their blasters at it. 001 barely dodged the blasts, running off to the side. It jumped onto the side of a nearby building, using it as a springboard to jump at the two. Gears and Bright both managed to duck down to the ground right before 001 could strike, causing it to pass right over them, skidding to a stop when it landed on the ground. Before Gears could get up, 001 had him by the throat and was trying to smash his head into the pavement. Gears was trying to resist its push, but 001 was clearly much stronger than him. Before it could split his skull across the road, the prototype lurched backwards, freeing Gears from its grasp. The scientist got up, seeing dr. Bright trying to strangle it. “Now, Gears! Shoot it!” Gears pulled out his blaster, shooting the monster half a dozen times in its massive milky-blue eyeball. It stumbled backwards, throwing Bright off of itself. Realizing his enemy was vulnerable, dr. Bright turned on his flashlight. The prototype, which preferred the darkness, found itself paralyed in the flashlight. Gears tried to come up with a plan to contain the demon. He pulled out his blaster. “Jack! Throw me your weapon! I have a stratagem which I believe may allow us to reestablish containment of SCP-001!” Making sure to keep the flashlight trained on 001, Bright tossed his blaster over to Gears. Holding each weapon in one hand, bright aimed them both at 001’s eye. He shot the blasters simultaneously a dozen times into its eye, leaving the beast unconscious. “Not half bad. Now how do we get it to the base?” Bright looked to Gears for an answer. “We carry it.” “What? You can’t be serious” Bright would’ve assumed his colleague was joking, but Gears never joked. Sure enough, he put one of 001’s arms around his neck. “Take the other side. We’ll each carry half the weight.” Sighing, Bright put the other arm around his own neck. Being careful of its claws, the two men stood upright, supporting the unconscious monster between them. “Right. So we get this guy back into containment, and then we see if we can get 106.” “Correct.” Gears confirmed. The two started carrying the surprisingly lightweight monster back to base, mentally preparing for a long halloween night.

Hunger. He hungered. Not anymore. He was happy. So happy. He could sate his hunger. New creatures. Unfamiliar. Looked human. Not human. Different taste. Good taste. Very good. Delicious. Screams. Wonderful screams. Fear. Terror. He smiled. Two of them. Female. Running. Chase. The hunt. The thrill. He loved it. Tried to fight. Couldn’t beat him. No damage. Running. Fun. It was fun. Streets. Nighttime. Ran inside. He waited. Let them hope. Take it away. He knew their plan. Burn him. Fire. he went inside. Screaming. Running. Panic. Perfection. They ran. His prey. Matchbox. Burning. He destroyed it. The matchbox. No way to burn. No more hope. They didn’t run. They fought. Tried to throw things. No effect. Shooting. Nothing. He repaired all damage. Nothing could kill him. The old man grinned.


	25. the burning man

It was hopeless. SCP-106 was invincible; any damage they did was instantly regenerated. Since it was made of that acidic slime, Lauren and Katherine couldn’t actually hit it for fear of losing their skin. They settled for throwing things and shooting at it, but they knew they were only delaying the inevitable. Suddenly, Lauren managed to think of a plan. It was stupid, even insane. It was also their only chance. “Kat! The fire! Go, now! I’ll hold him off!” Realizing what she meant, Katherine briefly hesitated before running towards the fire. There was a poker there, abandoned in the chaos. Katherine pulled it out of the fire, and tried to throw it at 106. The hot poker impaled 106 through the stomach, causing it to gasp in pain. It was a horrible, raspy sound. Lauren stepped backwards as the poker dissolved and 106 repaired itself as always. “No…” Katherine came up with a new plan. She swiped one of her dualies into the fire, setting it ablaze. Trying to ignore the burning pain in her hand, Katherine tossed the dualie into the shelf filled with alcoholic drinks. “Lauren! Run!” The pair sprinted away as the fire on the dualie reacted with the hydrocarbons in the alcohol, causing a flaming explosion. SCP-106 emitted a horrible screech, sounding almost like two or three entities screaming at once. It writhed in pain, clearly hurt by the light of the fire. It conjured a puddle of sludge, but was too weak to teleport. While 106 was incapacitated, a small part of the fire split off from the rest, burning a single word into the floor: BURN. “Y’know, fire doesn’t usually write words.” Katherine pointed out as Lauren shouted, “Oh come on! Another one?” the flame shifted, taking on a different shape. The two cephalopods ran into the women’s bathroom, climbing out the window. While they ran back into the street, the bar collapsed in flame as a 25-foot tall humanoid made of fire emerged out of the ruins. “Finally. Fuel. Yes.” The humanoid’s voice was loud, deep, and booming. They had to cover their ears to protect themselves from the noise, while trying not to get heat stroke from the flames. Kat pulled out her communicator, setting up a 3-way call between herself, dr. King, and Marina. “Hey, Kat! Headed back to base?” Marina asked, oblivious. “Isn’t it great we already got 2006?” She was interrupted by dr. King. “Have you managed to subdue SCP-106?” “Wait? 106?” King explained, “It’s a corrosive, highly dangerous humanoid. It was pursuing your friends the last time they called me.” “What? Are you two okay?” she sounded worried, scared even. “Yeah, good news and bad news.” Katherine and Lauren were running away from the flaming giant, though it didn’t seem interested in pursuing them. “We managed to take out 106, but now there’s this crazy giant made of fire!” “What?” dr. King sounded confused, but seemingly remembered what it was. “I believe that may be SCP-457, the burning man. Whatever you do, don’t let him near anything he could use as fuel.” Katherine looked at the towering, glowing figure. “Yeah, that’s going to be tough.” “Right. I’ll call gears and clef.” “Good.” Marina responded. “I’ll call Callie. Hopefully, the dozen of us all together might be able to figure out a way to stop that thing.” “Let’s hope so.” Kat looked behind her, where SCP-457 had already set a few houses ablaze. “Otherwise, I’m afraid Inkopolis is going up in smoke. We’re at the bar, come immediately.”

“So, Clef, I have a question.” Marcus had been walking with the foundation scientist and SCP-2006-still in its inkling form-back to the base for about 20 minutes when he’d thought of something. “Shoot.” “How does 2006 know your name? Do all SCPs know your name?” Clef chuckled. “Well, he managed to overhear another agent calling my name, and the higher ups decided he wasn’t dangerous enough to do anything about it.” “Yeah, pretty much.” SCP-2006 confirmed. “I love living with the foundation! They’ve got all the best horror movies, so I can really hone my scares.” They all heard Clef’s communicator start to ring, as he pulled it out. “Hey, what is it?” seriously? 457? Where are they? Of course they are, where else? Alright, we’ll be right there.” He put away the communicator. “Kid, get 2006 back to base. I’m headed off to the bar.” Marcus thought for a moment. Why would they be at the bar? “Okay. I’ll be right back.” Marcus ran off with 2006 while Clef ran towards the bar.

Gears and Bright were carrying 001 back to the base when Gears’ communicator started going off. “Seriously? Great timing.” Bright snarked. “Keep holding the SCP. Stay still.” Gears pulled out his communicator. “Stay still? Don’t have to tell me twice.” Bright heard gears talking on the communicator. “Yes? Hello, Everett. Is there a problem with SCP-106? I see. That is most unfortunate. Unfortunately, me and Jack just incapacitated SCP-001, the one I dubbed the prototype. I’m afraid it’s taking both of us to transport it back to base. Right, we’ll hurry. As soon as 001 is returned, we’ll hurry straight to the bar.” He hung up, taking back his side of the creature. “We have to hurry. We’re needed to deal with 457.” “Oh great. Just what we need right now. C’mon, let’s move.” The two kept moving, faster now.

Callie couldn’t help but smile in spite of everything. Sure, Octavio was still out there and they had no idea what Khahrahk was, but 2006 had been recontained. That, at the very least, could be counted as cause for celebration. “Hey, Marie. Which of the pairs do you think got 2006?” “Who knows? I’m sure we can ask when we get back.” “Yeah. Let's just hope we can handle the next SCP so eas-” While Callie was talking, her communicator started beeping. “Hold up.” She said, pulling it out and answering the call. “Yeah?” “Callie, it’s Marina. I just got a call from Katherine. She and Lauren are being attacked by a giant SCP made of fire.” “What? Fire?” “Yes, that’s what I just said. They’re calling for all hands on deck.” “Got it. Where are they?” “They’re at the bar.” “I…what…oh, alright. We’ll be right there.” She pocketed the device. “Marie, there’s some sort of fire giant at the bar. Everyone’s going.” Her cousin paused. “Seriously? First a shapeshifting fear monster, now a fire giant? Alright, let’s head out.” “You think?” Callie smirked as the two changed course for the bar.

SCP-457 was no longer at the bar, not that that mattered. It left a swathe of flaming destruction wherever it went, occasionally shooting blasts of fire out of its body. Several dozen buildings had already been burned by the time Marina, Pearl, Callie, Marie, Dr. King, and dr. Clef rendezvoused with Katherine and Lauren. They were still running away from the giant, but celebrated when they saw their friends, Kat in particular calling out, “Yes! You guys actually came!” “Course we did. The kid’s still gotta take 2006 back to containment, but he shouldn’t be long.” Clef explained. Marie noticed there were only eight of them. “Wait, so where are Gears, Bright, and Kondraki?” King told them, “Kondraki’s bringing SCP-035 back to the base. It’s a very dangerous Item, so I sent him to get it back to containment along with 2006. When I called Gears, he told me he and Bright were transporting SCP-001 back to containment.” “That’s odd.” Marie pointed out. “4 SCPs all in one night?” “Try 5. That guy burned up 106 before it could dissolve us with acid.” Lauren corrected. “Fire doesn’t kill 106.” Clef said. “You can only incapacitate it, and only for so long.” “Oh great. You mean we’ve still got to deal with the old man?” Lauren complained. “What old man? And what were you two doing at a bar, anyway?” Pearl asked accusingly. “Not what you’re thinking, that’s for sure! SCP-106, an old man made of some sort of acid slime, is weak to light.” Katherine snapped. “That’s true.” King confirmed. “Let me guess: you were hoping to cause a fire to react with the alcohol and create a big enough glow to completely incapacitate SCP-106, weren’t you?” “Yeah, exactly. Didn’t expect it to get this bad, though.” Lauren said, looking over at the destruction. “Fair enough, but why would you set an entire bar on fire? Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?” Marina sounded uncharacteristically angry. Kat looked devastated at how mad she was, while Lauren claimed, “Hey, it’s not like that. We told them to evacuate the civilians, and we figured if 106 was weak to light, a big enough fire might destroy it.” “A decent strategy, but it’s not that simple.” King told her. “106 is completely indestructible. Even if you somehow managed to get him to near-death, which good luck to you there, he’ll just teleport out. No doubt he’s already somewhere else in the city.” “Oh no. You mean that monster is still loose?” Katherine asked apprehensively. “That’s right. Best hope no one touches it. Right now, though, 457 is our top priority.” Clef reminded them. The burning man continued to wander, setting everything in its path ablaze.

Marcus and SCP-2006 had just made it back to the base when they were joined by dr. Kondraki, running in with a folded blanket. “Dude, what are you doing?” The only answer Marcus got was a rushed “Can’ttalkverydangerousgottacontainnowbye!” He activated the portal device and ran through it. “That was weird. Do you think he had a dangerous SCP in there?” 2006 asked. “I’ll say. Guess they’re not all as friendly as you.” “Got that right. I just want to scare people. Scaring and being scared is fun. Hurting people and getting hurt isn’t fun.” “You’re not half bad. Maybe we could see each other again sometime.” “Probably not.” Marcus knew the SCP was right. They lived in different dimensions, and 2006 would have to be contained at the foundation. “Too bad. I’ll remember you.” “Thanks. I’ll remember you too. By the way, was I scary?” “You were horrifying.” “Thank you.” 2006 grinned. Drs. Gears and Bright entered the base, carrying some sort of monster between them. “Woah! What is that thing?” Marcus yelled in shock. “This is SCP-001, the prototype. We encountered it on our way back, and incapacitated it. We plan to put it back in containment before aiding with the recovery of SCP-457.” “Wait. Clef mentioned the number 457 when he was talking on the communicator, before he sent me here with 2006. That must be where he went.” “Got that right, kid. Once we get 001 and 2006 back into containment, we’ll go after 457.” “Yeah, and I’ll be coming too. Kondraki just left through the portal with another SCP. didn’t see which one, though.” “It would seem a disturbing amount of SCP items have escaped into this dimension tonight.” “Thanks for pointing out the obvious, Gears.” Marcus said. At that moment, the creature Gears and Bright had been carrying between them woke up, screeching. The two scientists retreated backwards from the loud noise, right as Kondraki was exiting the portal. “Oh hell, not another one.” “I’ve got an idea.” Marcus turned to 2006. “I know you don’t like hurting others, but this guy does. You’ve gotta knock him out before he kills us, got it?” 2006 nodded. “Got it.” he ran at 001, turning into a carbon copy of it. The two SCP-001s collided into a mass of claws and teeth. “Great strategy. Now how can we tell which is which?” Kondraki asked. Marcus realized his point. If they couldn’t tell which one they were fighting, how could they avoid shooting 2006? Sure, he was an SCP, but he hadn’t actually done anything wrong. He yelled over to the combatants, “2006, turn into something else!” One of the monsters swiped its opponent across the chest with its razor-sharp claws, transforming into a 6-foot ape-like creature with a goofy-looking space helmet on its head, complete with a comical pair of antennas. “FEAR ME, MONSTER, FOR I AM THE MIGHTY RO-MAN.” he punched 001 in its oversized eyeball, knocking the creature to the ground. The rest of the group started shooting their blasters at 001, allowing 2006 to grab it and throw it into the portal. Kondraki then closed the portal, remarking, “They should have no problem getting it back into containment now.” Marcus approached 2006. “Woah...that was terrifying.” “Thanks. Just imagine how the other guy feels.” Craig then approached them. “Tell me: now that this SCP has proven himself to be a valuable ally, will you allow him to fight alongside you?” The three scientists thought about the question. Marcus, however, didn’t hesitate. “Of course! With a shapeshifter on our side, no way we can lose. Besides, he’s harmless.” “He’s right.” 2006 said, transforming back into his inkling form from earlier. “I only scare people without hurting them.” He turned to the foundation personnel. “Besides, once we’re done dealing with this 457 guy, I’ll go back into containment. You guys treat me well, and I think I should keep honing my scaring skills before going out into the world.” “An adequate point, SCP-2006. Given previous interactions, I believe you can be trusted in this instance.” Gears said. Bright added, “Yeah, not to mention we’ll need all the help we can get against 457.” “Well then, what’re we waiting for? Let’s move, team!” The five-man group exited the base, Marcus and SCP-2006 through the main entrance and Gears, Bright, and Kondraki through the auxiliary entrance.

“So, Clef, now might be a bad time, but I’ve got something I’ve been meaning to ask you for the past month.” Katherine blurted out. “Fine, what is it?” “Why did that lizard monster stop when you looked at it?” Clef shrugged. “I’m not sure. Sometimes, anomalous entities get ‘cancelled out’ I guess by my presence, and other times I have no effect. No clue why, and I honestly don’t care.” Kat sighed. “Thanks. That really clears it all up. Now where are the others already?” No sooner had she asked that then Marcus appeared, along with drs. Gears, Bright, and Kondraki, as well as another inkling they didn’t recognize. “Kid, I thought I told you to bring 2006 back into containment. What is he doing here?” Clef was practically growling in his anger. “Sorry, but these guys decided it’d be best if I helped out. Plus, it looks to me like you guys could use the extra help.” He pointed out the massive flaming beast, which had already set a good-sized portion of downtown Inkopolis ablaze. “Any bright ideas on how to stop that thing?” Clef asked. “I believe this city is near an ocean. If we can-” “No good.” Marie interrupted dr. Gears. “Our species is made of ink, which means we dissolve in water. It’s way too risky.” “Wait a minute.” Marina smiled, as though she’d just had some sort of epiphany. “Water absorbs heat, which is the reason it puts out fires, right?” “That’s correct.” Gears confirmed. “Well, our ink also has a cooling effect, or at least the ink we use for our weapons. Maybe if we shoot it with enough ink, we could cool it down enough to douse the flames, or at least make it more manageable.” “Nice plan, but where do we get enough ink?” Marcus asked. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but that thing’s not exactly going down from a few weapons.” “What if we used the special weapons?” Lauren piped up. “If all 7, or, I guess 8 of us use the tenta-missiles at the same time, we might be able to turn down his flames.” “8?” Pearl sounded exasperated. “In case you didn’t notice, there’s thirteen of us.” She pointed over to the humans. “Hold up. How do we know us humans can handle your weaponry?” King asked. “We don’t.” Marcus admitted. “But it could be the only way to contain this guy. Now the only problem is getting enough tenta-missiles to pull this off.” “The base!” Marie yelled. “We’ve got plenty of weapons there, including specials. If there’s anywhere we could get enough tenta-missiles, then it’s there.” “Alright, but how do we get there and back before he burns half this place down?” Bright asked. None of the team had any ideas until they heard the sound of a helicopter above them. “Guys, look!” 2006 pointed up, confirming that a helicopter had appeared in the sky. It was flying erratically as though piloted by a rookie, and was much too high up for 457 to care about it, but a rope ladder appeared out of it, dropping down to the thirteen-man squadron. “Hey. Hold up, that’s our helicopter.” Marina realized. “But then who’s-” “Hey! You kids gonna come up, or would you rather stay with the arsonist?” “Cap?” Marcus asked no one in particular. “Sounds like it. C’mon!” Callie gestured over to the rope ladder, as the group gradually made their way up to the helicopter. It wasn’t exactly spacious, but the 13 of them managed to squeeze into the passengers section. Except there were 14 of them there. “Grandpa? If you’re back here, then who’s flying the chopper?” Marie asked. “Right up here, miss.” The group turned to see the source of the fairly high-pitched voice. A small humanoid horseshoe crab was piloting the helicopter directly towards SCP-457. “Sheldon? You’re here?” “Of course I am, Marie. Or rather, agent 2. When captain Cuttlefish approached me for help in getting some weapons to you, well, how could I refuse?” “Wait, weapons? Does that mean-” dr. Clef looked at the back of the helicopter, where several weapons were stashed. “We’ve got 8 tenta-missiles and 5 stingrays. With any luck, they should be enough to vanquish that beast.” “Thanks, cap. But how’d you know ink could be useful against this guy?” Marcus asked. “Honestly, I didn’t. I just figured if all of you were going at once, you could probably use some reinforcements.” The old soldier admitted. “In any case, we are truly grateful. I suggest the cephalopods-and, in this case, SCP-2006-utilise the weapons they have 8 of, while us humans utilise the other weapon they have only 5 of.” Gears recommended. “A splendid strategy, human! Also, just in case these weapons aren’t enough to stop that beast, er, what did you call it?” “SCP-457. The burning man.” King answered. “Right, well, in case the burning man doesn’t fall to your onslaught, I’ve made an enhancement to this vehicle.” Sheldon pressed a large red button in front of him, causing the helicopter’s seats to fold into the walls while the middle of the helicopter bottom descended, carried by unfolding metal rods to leave a long, rectangular hole in the middle of the floor. The top and sides of the piece stuck in the air unfolded, revealing a massive cannon directly below the chopper. “It’s quite possibly my magnum opus. I’ve actually been working on it ever since I heard about the incident with commander Tartar a couple months ago. Of course, adjusting the thickness of the bottom of the helicopter in order to accommodate the amount of space required was the biggest challenge, but the pulley system-” “Sheldon! Time and place, dude.” Marcus stopped Sheldon from going on a tangent about his weapons like he always did. “Right, right. Now, I’ll be controlling the ink cannon from up here, while you guys use those special weapons. I’ve modded them so they should have infinite use.” “Good. this strategy may yet prove sound.” Gears said, grabbing one of the stingrays. The rest followed suit, the foundation scientists grabbing the stingrays while the agents and SCP-2006 took the tenta-missiles. “Okay, how do we use these in here?” Clef asked. “You won’t. I’ll drop you off at a roof so you can get a proper aim.” Sheldon looked over to the side, ahead of where SCP-457 was walking. “Huh. You want the bad news, or the terrible news?” “Surprise us.” Kondraki droned. “Well, the bad news is that the burning man is walking right towards a gas station. The terrible news is that there’s a gas truck there right now.” “What?” Marie nearly fell out of the copter in her horror. “If he gets there, he could reduce the surrounding district to a crater.” “It’s not just that.” King added. “He could potentially use that gas station for fuel, easily doubling in size.” “Okay, team, it’s now or never. If we don’t take out SCP-457 immediately, we’re all getting burned.”Marcus tried to motivate the rest of the group. “Okay, we’re almost at the drop zone. Everyone get ready to jump out the bottom!” Sheldon called over from the cockpit. Within the next minute, the squadron of thirteen was dropped off at the roof of one of the few nearby buildings that hadn't been wreathed in flames. "Now, does everyone remember our stratagem?" Gears called to the others. “Of course we do. It’s only been a few seconds.” Clef snapped. “Right, of course. I was merely making sure-” “We don’t have time for this! Everyone, fire up your specials now!” Marie ordered. The team followed suit, launching 160 tenta-missiles and 5 massive stingrays beams straight into the burning man. SCP-457 stopped in its tracks and started to struggle in pain. By the time it was getting bombarded by the helicopter’s cannon, it had begun to speak. “”No. Must have fuel. Fuel to burn.” After a few minutes, the artificially enhanced special weapons were showing no signs of slowing down, while the burning man had been reduced to the size of an ordinary man. “Sheldon, you can take us down now!” Katherine called over. “Right away, agent 8.” Sheldon steered the helicopter back over to them, allowing the group to re-enter through the door. “Alright, Sheldon, you put out those fires and take cap home while we take care of the burning man.” Marcus instructed. “Affirmative, agent 4. But how do you plan to do that?” “At his size?please, there’s only one of him and thirteen of us.” Clef answered. “Perhaps, but I trust you know numbers aren’t everything in battle.” Craig pointed out. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, gramps.” Marie snarked. “Alright, here we are! Once we’re close enough to the ground, you’ll all jump out the bottom like last time. And… now!” As soon as the chopper was 10 feet above the ground, six inklings, two octolings, and five humans jumped out the bottom, easily landing on the hard concrete below. “No. Must burn. Fuel.” Was all SCP-457 could say as Marcus, Lauren, Katherine, Marie, and Pearl all started firing their weapons-Marina and SCP-2006 didn’t have weapons while Callie’s roller just didn’t have enough range. By the time their weapons had run out of ink ammo, SCP-457 was only a few inches tall. “2006, you wanna do the honors?” Dr. King offered, handing 2006 a glass with a strange-looking top. “This container is hermetically sealed, so SCP-457 will be reduced to his smallest possible size by the lack of oxygen.” “Got it.” SCP-2006 walked over to 457, placing the container on top of the tiny burning man. He then lifted the container into the air, placing the seal on top. Just as King had promised, SCP-457 instantly started to shrink again until it was nothing but a flicker. “Good news, everyone.” SCP-2006 handed the jar to dr. King. “The threat’s been neutralized.” “Good work, team. Hey, you guys want to join up with the new squidbeak splatoon? You’ve proven useful.” Marie offered. “No, I think we’re only going to stay for as long as it takes to stop these SCPs from transferring into this dimension.” King answered. SCP-2006 added, “Plus, I’ve gotta get back to containment.” “Fair enough.” The group started on their way back to the base.

“Sheldon, do you have a visual yet?” Callie asked. “Nope. nothing. Oh, wait, I think I see-no, false alarm, it’s just a guy in a really dark coat. HEY BUDDY! GET INSIDE, WILL YA?! DON’T YOU KNOW WE’RE ON LOCKDOWN?!” Callie groaned. It’d been hours since SCP-457 was recontained, but SCP-106 was still MIA. “Come on, man. Every minute that monster remains free, we risk another innocent civilian being killed. Of course, if what Gears told me is true, those might just be the lucky ones. Either way, I need you to find it immediately.” “Sorry, agent 1, but I’m just a weapons designer with bad eyesight in a helicopter a hundred feet in the air looking for a pitch-black humanoid in the middle of the night.” “Alright, keep the chopper’s lights on.” Callie hung up on Sheldon, transferring her call over to Craig. “Grandpa, how’s the lockdown going?” “It’s going as well as we could hope. Dr. Gears and I have been setting up respawn generators all over the city, and making sure everyone stays inside. Of course, we don’t have nearly enough respawn generators to cover the entire city, and there’s no way we can patrol the entire city.” “Okay, well, hopefully the civilians will trust us enough not to go outside while this guy’s still out there. Just keep going, and if you see 106, teleport here immediately and call Gears so we can all go and try to capture 106.” “You got it, kiddo.” Callie then hung up the communicator. “Alright, someone please tell me there’s some good news.” “There’s some good news.” dr. Kondraki interjected. Callie’s face lit up. “Really? What is it?” “I don’t know. You just told me, ‘tell me there’s some good news’. Besides, I’m sure something good is happening right now.” Kondraki was then conked on the head by a splattershot, thrown by Lauren. “Dude, try to take this seriously! Me and Kat fought that thing ourselves, and we barely made it out alive.” “She’s right. If that monster is still out there, we have to contain it as soon as we can.” Katherine added. “Everyone, come inside, now!” Dr. King shouted from inside the shack. Everyone from outside the shack rushed inside, hurriedly sitting around the table. With Craig and Gears out in the city, there were 11 of them left at the moment, though King also had his communicator on the table with dr. Gears. “What is it, Everett?” Bright asked. “I just got a call from a civilian who said they looked out their window and saw a tall creature shambling around, with the pavement dissolving underneath it.” “Really? That’s gotta be 106! Where was it?” Katherine asked excitedly. “They said they were in the middle of oyster avenue.” “Seriously? Oyster avenue? You’ve seriously got a street called ‘oyster avenue’?” Clef sounded exasperated. “Yeah, got a problem with that?” Marcus asked. “Enough, you two.” King slammed his palms on the table. “Marie, call your grandfather and tell him to use that teleporter we gave him to fall back here. Callie, tell Sheldon the same. Then, you two catch up with us so we can all take on 106 at once. Gears, you bring the dimensional transporter so we can get it back to its chamber on the spot.” The two cousins and dr. Gears spoke their affirmatives and left to do their jobs. “You’re going to need us to take you to Oyster Avenue. Hopefully, we’re not too late.” “Well, then, let’s leave already.” Kondraki said, getting up from the desk. The 9 agents left the base, hoping to catch their 5th SCP that night.

Within a half an hour, the entire dozen-piece militia had arrived at Oyster Avenue. “I’m noticing a distinct lack of SCP-106 here.” Clef said. “Thanks, captain obvious.” Marcus said. “Hey, look at that.” he kneeled down, looking at some of the pavement. “The ground here looks, I dunno, kind of malleable?” “What do you mean, ‘malleable’?” Katherine asked, kneeling down next to him. “Oh, yeah, it looks almost liquid.” Marcus leaned over to touch the pavement. “No!” Katherine smacked his hand away, dipping one of her dualies into the pavement. It bent around the weapon, like some viscous fluid. When Kat pulled it out, half the object had melted into a smoking, lopsided mess. “Guess I’ll have to buy another one from Sheldon.” She lamented. “Probably should’ve expected that.” “Thanks for the save.” Marcus stood back up. “Don’t mention it. We may not have found SCP-106, but I’m willing to bet this trail is still fresh. If we follow it, it’ll lead us straight to him.” Gears took note of the pavement. “If the road is still solid where we’re standing, we must surmise that it continues forward.” “So, what, we just walk on a road that’ll melt us? Speaking of which, what are we going to do about that after we deal with 106?” Marie asked. “I recommend that we keep to the sidewalk, and note that every other time SCP-106 has breached containment, The effect it had on the pavement weared off by the morning.” “Good. Once we’re on the sidewalk, I’ll keep ahead of you guys and hold my roller out in front of me. That way, we’ll have an early warning system in case there’s any 106 slime on there.” Callie suggested. “I’ll admit, that’s not a half-bad plan.” King agreed. The group followed their plan, Gears pointing out where 106’s trail led while Callie’s roller didn’t encounter any acid the entire time. They kept at it for 10 or so minutes, at the end of which they finally saw SCP-106 standing in the middle of the street, staring dead at them. “Do you guys think it’s been waiting for us?” Pearl asked apprehensively, as though she was afraid of the answer. “There’s no ‘think’ about it.” Lauren answered, gripping her splattershot hard enough to whiten her knuckles. “Everyone, weapons ready.” King commanded, as the entire squadron pulled out their blaster rifles. “FIRE!” Marie screamed, resulting in the dozen of them shooting a storm of white-hot plasma at every part of SCP-106. After a few seconds, King pointed out, “Wait, this guy’s weak to light. Everyone who has a flashlight, start shining!” Dr. Bright, dr. Kondraki, Marie, Marina, dr. Clef, and Katherine all turned on their flashlights-specialized by foundation tech to be brighter than normal-approaching 106 as they did so. It vocalized its horrific, shrill screech, writhing in agony. When she saw Marina hesitating, Kat told her, “Don’t pity it. It’s just trying to trick you.” “Yeah. Yeah, I got it.” The half-dozen of them managed to use their flashlights to completely paralyze SCP-106. “Now for me to perform my part of the plan.” Gears stopped firing his blaster along with everyone else. He rushed over to 106, throwing down the device they used to transport between dimensions. It landed directly below 106, causing it to immediately fall into the portal as Gears immediately deactivated it. “Is.. is that it? We won?” Katherine stared at where SCP-106 had been standing just seconds before. “We won! Finally! Please tell me that’s it.” “Looks like it.” Kondraki smiled. “Merry christmas, or something like that.” “Kondraki, it’s halloween.” “Oh, I’m sorry, Alto. Were you under the impression that I cared?” “Enough, you two. Let’s get back to base.” Gears instructed. Satisfied that all the SCPs had been recontained for the time being, the team headed back to their base.


	26. able

Exactly a week after the fiasco on halloween, Pearl and Marina were doing another news broadcast. “Some of you may remember last week, when several dozen buildings were burned down by a colossal humanoid entity.” Pearl added, “And if you don’t remember, then I’m guessing you either weren’t there or you were really disappointed when your night at the bar got interrupted.” “Yes, well, anyway, in light of the recent broken masquerade and the fact that no anomalous activity has been reported in a week, we finally have some good news.” Marina finished, “turf wars are back on!” Pearl elaborated. “The first turf war will be held today at 6 pm. Also, as part of our effort to integrate the human agents into the city, one of them will be joining a turf war team consisting of the three youngest agents of the New Squidbeak Splatoon.” “Any team that wants to compete against them, feel free to sign up as usual. There’s no guarantee you’ll get in, of course, but it’s worth a shot.”

At the base of the New Squidbeak Splatoon, Marie, Callie, Marcus, Katherine, Lauren, Gears, Kondraki, Clef, King, and Bright were sitting around what’d become their conference table. While Craig was sleeping in his quarters, the ten of them were discussing their plans for the day’s turf war. “Alright, run this by me again. Why exactly are the three of us going to compete in the turf war?” Katherine asked. Marie answered, “Because you three are the youngest, and since me and Callie are celebrities, if we competed, everyone would probably see it as some sort of corporate shilling.” “Fair point.” King agreed. “You’re just saying that because they put you on our team.” Marcus rebutted. “That’s not true. I would hope you remember our discussion last night.” Gears told him. “Yeah, I know. He’s the only one of you who won’t get everyone killed by their own stupidity.” “Well, what about me? I consider myself fairly well-adjusted.” “Yeah, well, no offense Gears, but King’s actually got a personality.” Callie answered. “Well, the rest of us have personalities.” Bright pointed out. “Yeah, but King is also sane.” Lauren interjected. “Alright, so we all agree that dr. King will try and help us get integrated into this society by competing in a popular sport alongside those three against four random idiots. That about sum it up?” Dr. Clef asked. “Yeah, pretty much. Surprised you of all people managed to follow that, Alto.” Kondraki answered. ”I can already see how this is going to go so well for us.” Bright’s tone was completely deadpan as he held his forehead in his palm.

“Okay, so all I have to do is use this weapon-” Dr. King held up a splattershot pro, “and use it to cover as much of the area as possible.” “Yep. and if someone gets in your way, just waste em.” Lauren clarified. “Right, right. And you’re sure this’ll stop me from dying?” He held up his forearm, wearing a long strip of blue metal strapped from his wrist to his elbow. “Yep. Marina and Sheldon built that specifically to connect its wearer to the respawn point, meaning if you’re splatted you’ll just reconstitute there like we do naturally. Don’t worry, we already tested it with Bright, and the results were completely successful.” Katherine explained “Alright, that’s a relief. Can we go in now?” “Yeah, of course. Since we’re already signed up, all we have to do is go in the lobby and confirm we’re the blue team. Then, we’ll get teleported to a turf war stage and we’ll have to wait until one of the other teams that signed up gets selected by the randomized computer thingy.” Marcus instructed. The group of four went into the turf war lobby, entering their team name-Mobile Ink Force-into the blue team section. An automated female voice instructed them to “Please stand on the blue teleportation point.” They did as they were instructed, leading to their molecules reconstituting atop a building, which looked to be part of a group of buildings connected by a system of roads. The roads zigzagged up and down, leading to a center area far below. “Oh, moray towers! I love this stage! Alright, now all the other non-blue teams who signed up will have to wait until their team name gets called, then they’ll have 5 minutes to do what we did.” Lauren told the newcomer. “Yeah, I remember. We’ve got 3 minutes to shoot as much ink as possible while competing with the other team, right?” dr. King clarified. “Yeah, you’re pretty good at this.” Lauren confirmed. “I hope you’re right.” The foundation scientist nervously adjusted his weapon. After only 10 or so minutes, a green beam of light appeared on the other side of the stage. Marina’s voice sounded out of several loudspeakers scattered around the stage, “Alright, folks! Our blue team is Mobile Ink Force, consisting of three members of the New Squidbeak Splatoon and the first-ever human turf war player! The green team is the Splat 4, consisting of the former leaders of four different teams from the past two years!” Lauren blanched in horror. “The S4?” “I’m guessing these guys are a big deal?” Katherine asked. “I know you’re pretty new to turf wars, but these guys are legendary. I led a team against them a few days before I went into the Deepsea Metro and met you, and we got completely stomped.” “Great story, Lauren, especially considering I’ve only ever heard of these guys, but we’re not exactly helping our chances just standing around and talking.” Marcus pointed over to the other side of the stage, where several dozen square feet of the stage had already been covered in green ink. “Kid’s right. Let’s move already!” dr. King ran forward, shooting the ground to cover it with blue ink. “Remember: territory is more important than kills, walls don’t count, and you’ll have to refill your ink at some point by touching your weapon to your team’s color ink.” Marcus reminded King. “Got it.” Pearl’s voice became audible on the loudspeakers. “It’s already a close match, with both teams going gung-ho! Of course, they have yet to run into each other, but when they do, it’s sure to be a fight to remember!” Marina’s disembodied voice then interjected, “Unless, of course, they remember the importance of inking turf.”  
Within a few seconds, the four members of both teams had started to split up, heading onto different paths. Marcus was shooting the ground with his splatling gun when he came across one of the S4 combatants. “Hey man, ready to lose?” The enemy splatling user asked, his smirk making him look genetically engineered to be as obnoxious as possible. “There must be a misunderstanding. I don’t see any mirrors around here.” “Oh, a funny guy, are you? Let’s see how funny you are when I splat you back to spawn.” The enemy inkling loaded his weapon, while Marcus dove back into the ink with his squid form. He swam through the ink, barely keeping ahead of the stream of green ink. By the time the S4 member’s weapon was out of ammo, Marcus jumped out of the ink with his splatling, charging it and firing at the opponent. His enemy backflipped out of the way of the oncoming blue barrage, while Marcus found himself unable to move as he had landed in the opposing team’s ink. “Nice try, man. I’ll admit, you’re fast.” He held his weapon up, fully reloaded. “But you’re not fast enough to win.” He fired the splatling at Marcus, instantly transporting him back to base.

Kat was heading down one of the middle paths, firing her dualies behind and in front of her. She hoped she’d be able to make it to the center, but the octoling jumping out at her with dualies firing clearly disagreed. “Woah, dude, nice sneak attack.” She held her dualies forward. “Too bad you missed.” She fired her weapons at the opponent, who effortlessly rolled out of the way. While Katherine was adjusting her aim, the enemy dualie user had already dove back into his own ink, moving too fast to hit. Kat turned one of her dualies in front of the opponent, but it was almost like he could anticipate her aim-he moved so erratically that she couldn’t figure out where to aim either of her weapons. “Guess that makes two of us.” The two dual-wielders started slowly circling each other, each sizing up the competition. “Don’t get cocky just because you got lucky.” Kat yelled over to him. “I prefer to think of it as strategy.” He lunged forward, firing his dualies. Kat tried to dive into her ink, but her enemy had anticipated that. He already had his other dualie pointed at the ground, instantly forcing her out of the ink. She tried to dodge-roll, only to find herself surrounded by green ink. With her nearly immobilized, the blue team member had no trouble splatting her back to her team’s spawn point.

Dr. Everett King was absentmindedly shooting the ground with his splattershot pro, most of his thoughts focused more on his current situation. I am competing in a sport designed by and for a completely different species, using a weapon that fires paint to cover a bunch of roads while hunting down SCPs and trying to stop the destruction of the multiverse. Of course. His train of thought was interrupted when he came across an inkling splatting the road with her own green ink. She must’ve missed some of it, since she was aiming in the direction where she’d clearly already come from. King used the opportunity to fire his shooter at the opponent’s unguarded back. She dove back into her ink, jumping back out several feet away. She pointed her Splattershot pro at King, declaring, “How dare you attempt such a dishonorably dishonorable attack? I shall now vanquish your dishonorable dishonor by honorably defeating you with honorable honor that honorably counteracts your dishonorable dishonor with honorable honor!” King stared at her, trying to process what she’d just said. “The hell?” The inkling proceeded to fire her splattershot at him, though King’s foundation training made it easy to dodge despite not being able to go into the ink. “You are surprisingly skilled, which is very surprising indeed! I almost consider you a worthy opponent, but I will still conquer you in glorious combat!” She threw down a splatbomb, covering King in green ink. By the time he was able to see again, the girl had completely disappeared. “Hey, where’d you go you little-” He felt something on his back, realizing the chick had snuck up behind him. “Wait a second, I thought you said that was a dishonorable attack!” She stepped back, horrified. “Curses! Could my opponent be correct? Much as I hate to admit it, that seems to be the case! I know now that the only way to honorably restore my honorable honor is to commit sudoku!” She then pulled out a piece of paper and a pencil, and started writing. “Could you give me a minute here?” King rolled his eyes, unable to believe this loony teenager was among the best players of this sport. He aimed his weapon, shooting the girl. She threw her puzzle off the side of the building, diving back into her own ink. She swam directly towards dr. King, who barely managed to dodge backwards as she jumped out of the ink, kicking at him. When she skidded to the ground, she tossed her weapon into her other hand, firing it at King. His entire front covered in green ink, the enemy gloated “Now I have well and truly vanquished you, my opponent. However worthy you may have been, the simple truth is that I have achieved magnificent victory in this glorious combat!” She pressed the trigger on the splattershot, only for a barrage of appleseeds to fire out. “What the?” She hit her weapon twice before shaking it, firing one last barrage of ink that banished Dr King back to the start.

Lauren figured she was making decent progress down one of the roads connecting the buildings on moray towers. Despite this being one of her favorite turf war stages, she couldn’t help but worry about their opponents. The S4 had only formed last year after their respective teams had broken up, but the alliance of four former team leaders made for a thus-far undefeated combination. While she was lost in thought, her head was covered in green ink. She barely managed to dive backwards into her own ink before she would’ve been splatted. “Hey! Show yourself!” She looked all around her, not seeing her opponent. “As you wish!” A voice came from directly above her, as an octoling jumped down from a higher position on the stage. Despite how high the jump was, she managed to aim her splattershot downwards, creating a small pool of ink for the S4 member’s octopus form to dive into, thereby negating any fall damage.When Lauren got a closer look, she realized her opponent’s splattershot was an octoshot replica. “So, you’re a member of the NSS? Who would’ve thunk it?” “Hey, I think I’ve been doing pretty well.” “Maybe, but that doesn’t change what happened last time you went up against us.” “I was with strangers that time. Now that I’m on a team with my fellow agents, I figure the odds are a lot more even now.” The S4 member laughed. “News flash, agent: the S4 are friends too. Besides, you may remember your loss against us as one of the most important days of your turf war career. But for us, it was just another saturday.” She dove into and out of her own ink, moving too erratically to be properly aimed at. By the time she jumped out, Lauren had wasted her entire ink supply without actually landing any hits. The S4 member, meanwhile, had already started to fire out her weapon, easily keeping up with Lauren’s attempts to dodge. “You may be a good agent, maybe even great. But as far as beating the S4 goes...” She twirled her splattershot, then tossed it to the other hand and back. “...don’t quit your day job.” she fired one last barrage, and Lauren found herself back at the spawn point along with the rest of Mobile Ink Force. 

“You guys too, huh?” Lauren looked at the rest of her team. Dr. King looked at his hands, like something completely unexpected had just happened. “That girl was insane.” His voice was soft, like he was still trying to process it. They then heard Marina’s voice on the loudspeakers. “We’re at the halfway point, and it’s not looking good for Mobile Ink Force, as the Splat 4 have knocked all their members back to spawn and nearly made it to the center. With over half of the stage covered in green team’s ink, blue team’s going to have to pull off a miracle to win.” “Fortunately, it’s not like turf wars are a cornerstone of our society, meaning that the first ever human turf war player being on a losing team could potentially spell disaster in terms of integrating the human scientists from the other dimension, nor is it at all worrying that three members of a militia group meant to safeguard the city can’t win a turf war game.” Pearl paused for a moment. “Wait...oh no.” Marcus started gesticulating. “Come on guys! We’ve still got a minute and a half to turn this around. If we can get to the center of the stage when they do, maybe we can take them all on at once, send them back to spawn, and start taking back turf.” King thought for a moment. “Alright, that idea might work. Let’s go!” The four of them left the blue team spawn point, managing to reach the center at the same time as the S4. “Ha! I anticipated your inevitable return, my opponent, for it was inevitable. But now we have assembled our forces, so let us see which of our teams are superior in glorious combat!” The S4 brandished their weapons. Katherine realized something. “They’ve got all the same weapons as us. Let’s try and switch it up.” The blue team ran at the green team, each taking a different opponent than their first go-around. Marcus engaged the guy with the dualies, Kat started on the girl with the splattershot pro, King fought the other girl with the octoshot replica, and Lauren fought the enemy splatling user. Once again, they heard Pearl’s voice over the loudspeaker. “Like I expertly predicted earlier, the two teams are engaged in an all-out brawl at the center of the stage! With only a minute left, blue team’s still got their work cut out for them, but this is going to be one turf war to remember!” By the time they only had 30 seconds remaining, alarms started blaring from the loudspeakers, causing the combatants to all drop their weapons. “Everyone stop fighting! This is not a drill, I repeat, this isn’t a drill!” Marina’s voice made no effort to hide her fear. “The respawn generators have stopped functioning. We’re cancelling the turf war until we can get them reliably back up and ready. Once that’s done, we’ll hold another turf war with free attendance. In the meantime, I’d recommend going home, and maybe picking something up from the gift shop.” While everyone started to leave, the two teams looked at each other, disappointed. “What an unfortunate turn of events, especially for such worthy opposition!. May we have better fortune come next battle!” The girl who’d fought dr. King earlier yelled. “Same.” The scientist replied. “C’mon. Let’s head back to the lobby.” Marcus gestured back over to the elevator that would take them back down to ground level. “Yeah, of course.” The guy he’d fought earlier pressed a button on his weapon, allowing it to fold small enough to fit in his pocket. “Hey, I’ve got some cash on me. How about we stop over at crusty sean’s and get something?” Lauren stepped in front. “Sorry, but we’re kind of busy, since I figure we should investigate this. Besides, why’re you all so chummy all of a sudden?” The octoling she’d fought earlier shrugged. “Because we’ve been getting this reputation for being a group of jerks who use our talent and fame to walk all over others, so-” “-So you’re trying to save face.” Kat interrupted. “What?” “You wouldn’t have gotten that reputation if you didn’t act that way at some point.” “Okay, maybe we were like that at some point.” Her fellow dualie user admitted. “But we’ve been trying to be a lot nicer, since now that we’re actually well-known players that means others are going to be influenced by us.” “Fair enough, but where’d that come from?” Dr. King pointed over to a modest-sized cube stone, with strange markings all over it. “I dunno. You think it might be an anomaly?” The green team splatling user tried to get a closer look. “Hey, don’t touch that.”Dr. King pushed him back, realizing there was a note attached to the box. Picking it up, it read,  
I read one of your documents, and they were fascinating. I hope you’re Able to appreciate this gift I sent you with my new teleportation tech.  
“Wait, what? Why would he bold and capitalize...” King realized what was going on. “Oh no.” He turned over to the other 7, horrified. “Run! Everybody run now!” “Why? It’s just a rock?” The S4 dude with the dualies asked. King yelled, “It’s not the rock I’m worried about; it’s what’s inside the rock!” The rock started glowing, and the 2 teams ran over to a box with buttons on the side. “C’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon!” King pressed the button on the elevator rapid-fire until the doors opened. “Come on, we need to get out of here!” “Dude, mind telling us what’s going on here?” One of the S4 members snapped. There was a blinding flash of light, followed by a low-pitched scream for blood. “Oh no, he’s out.” King sweated as he punched the button to take them down to the first floor. “What foul beast has escaped into our reality this time?” the crazy girl asked apprehensively. “A nigh-invulnerable, murderous demigod, that’s who?” “Hey, didn’t you find something on it?” “Yeah, here.” he handed the note over to Katherine. “It’s signed Octavio. Oh.” “Wait, so Octavio sent him here? How’d he find the document?” Marcus looked over at dr. King. “Best I can figure is the document and SCP-076 landed in this dimension nearby, and he just decided to take the opportunity.” “Yeah, but why would he attack a turf war stage?” The enemy splatling user asked. “Why wouldn’t he? It’s a densely populated public area with a lot of televised coverage. The real mystery is how he managed to shut down the respawn generators.” Dr. King pointed out. “Well, there’s no guarantee it was him. I mean, the respawn generators haven’t been used in over a month, so that might’ve had something to do with the malfunction.” The girl with the octoshot told him. “I see that introductions seem to be in order, so just know you can call me by my real name, which is Sydney.” The splattershot pro girl held out her hand. “You see, you’re meant to do this...” She took King’s hand and started shaking it. “We consider this gesture to be a most honorable sign of greeting.” “Hey, syd, you guys mind introducing the rest of your little squad?” Lauren gestured over to the other S4 members. “I mean, the whole reason dr. King’s a member of our team is to help integrate his group into our society.” “Yeah, why not?” The splatling user approached the other team. “Just call me Ethan.” “Trent.” The dualie user introduced himself. “Hey, you guys can call me Madison.” The octoshot girl said. “So, which one of you’s the leader?” King asked. Sydney laughed, as though she’d just heard something truly hysterical. “I didn’t know how amusingly funny it would be to have a foreigner from a foreign dimension here! Since all four of us once led our own teams, that means none of us are really in charge of leading this team. Any one of us four can take the helm and lead the other three!” fascinating. Lauren thought. A team with no true leader, or rather a team where every member is a leader. Could that be why they’ve been so successful? There was a loud ding, as the elevator opened up inside the building’s lobby. “Come on, we have to get out of here.” “Dr. King, no offense, but that elevator’s the only way down here aside from the stairs. No way he’s even close to us.” Ethan pointed over to a comically tall flight of stairs, where SCP-076 was nowhere to be found. “That doesn’t mean anything.” The scientist got out his communicator, punching in dr. Gears’ code. “Charles, I’ve got really bad news. SCP-076 has escaped, and we have reason to believe it was teleported to us by Octavio, the guy our allies in this dimension have been after.” He paused for a minute. “I want everyone to get over here. I’ll send you my coordinates now.” He turned over to the others. “You four get out of the city, and tell everyone you see to run. Marcus, Lauren, Katherine, you three are coming with me.” The 4 inklings and 3 octolings nodded, sprinting out of the building. The S4 sprinted away, towards the nearest way out of the city. “Where are we going?” Marcus asked. “We’re headed back to base, assuming we can survive.” “Oh come on, there’s four of us and one of him. We can take him!” Katherine brandished her weapons. “No way.” King held her back. “Four isn’t nearly enough to fight Able. I’m not even sure all of our team together will be able to take him, at least not with brute force alone.” They heard a bloodthirsty yell from far above, causing the agents and civilians alike to run away from the building. Something fell down from the roof, leaving a smoking crater in the pavement. After a few seconds, a lean, seemingly 25-year old man walked out of the smoke, covered in arcane and occult tattoos. “I’m guessing that’s SCP-076?” Marcus whispered from behind a building where they were hiding. “Yeah. He’s nearly unkillable, and kills every humanoid he sees unless they somehow manage to outrun him. Once, the higher-ups tried to make him a part of a mobile task force squadron.” “I’m guessing that didn’t end well.” “Ever see a guy get his jaw broken by a foam sword?” “Okay, we need to get out of here right now.” Before the group could find a way to sneak past Able, they heard Bright screaming, “I found you! Remember me, Able? The guy you attached to this cursed amulet, doomed to live forever without being able to avoid seeing everyone and everything I’ve ever cared about die until the heat death of the universe?” SCP-076 didn’t pay any mind to Bright’s words, instead charging directly at him. “The rest of you, run! I’ll hold him off!” He charged at 076 while Callie, Marie, Clef, Gears, and Kondraki retreated into the alleyway between the two buildings, where the Mobile Ink Force members were hiding. “What was that all about?” Katherine asked. “You know how bright’s got that amulet that lets him come back to life?” Dr. Clef asked. Kat nodded. “Well, he got bonded to it when SCP-076 broke containment and killed him while he was transporting that amulet, SCP-963, into containment. Ever since then, he’s had a grudge against 076 for forcing him into immortality, though he’s gotten better at hiding it over the years.” Clef explained. “Guys, look!” King called over from the end of the alleyway facing into the street. Able had run off, but Bright's amulet was sitting in the middle of the street. “He killed bright again! That bastard!” “I got this.” Katherine sighed, running into the street without hearing Gears call, “Wait. I must warn you what happens if you touch that amulet.” The oblivious octoling picked up the amulet, blinked, and put it around her neck. She stumbled, holding her head and groaning. “Hey, Kat, you alright?” Lauren and Marcus ran over to their friend. She looked up, saying, “Hey cool, I’m a teenage girl now. That’s new.” The two stepped back, now seeing that the octoling’s eyes had a different light behind them. “Bright?” Marcus practically whispered. “What? Yeah, of course I’m Jack Bright.” He touched his new hair, realizing he was no longer human. “Oh. heh, sorry about that. Y’know, she really shouldn’t have-” Lauren interrupted him-her? It? Them?-by punching the new dr. Bright in the face. “Take off the amulet. Now.” Her voice was quiet, dripping with contempt and rage. “I’ve already been under mind control, and I’m not letting my friend go through that hell.” Bright shrugged. “Sorry, kid, but I can’t transfer out of this body until it dies. If it makes you feel any better, it’s less mind control and more possession.” “And this is better how?” She screamed, barely containing the urge to tackle the thing that used to be her friend to the ground. “Well, I mean, it’s really not, but...” Marcus had to hold Lauren back from attacking Bright. “C’mon, let’s get back to base.” He entered the code on her transporter, teleporting her back to base before facing dr. Bright’s new form. “Are you sure?” “Fraid so.” He sounded almost remorseful. “Okay, we need to find a way to get you out of there without killing Katherine right now. Any ideas?” “One thing at a time. Right now, we have to stop Able.” Dr. King told the inkling. He thought for a moment. “Alright. Let’s head back to base.” King shook his head. “You go. I saw what happened, and you should talk to your friend. The rest of us will stay here and figure out a way to stop SCP-076.” “You got it.” Marcus punched in the code to teleport himself back to the group’s headquarters.

King, Callie, Clef, Marie, Kondraki, Gears, and Bright were running through the streets of Inkopolis, tailing Able. It wasn’t that hard; all they had to do was follow the trail of death and destruction. Pearl and Marina were already reporting on the situation. The death toll was in the dozens, hundreds in property damages, a mass evacuation, generally just about everything the foundation scientists had feared could happen if 076 escaped. “Is it just me, or has Octavio really stepped up his game?” Marie asked. “Yeah, you’re right.” Her cousin saw her point. “I mean, last time his plan was to steal our power source and mind control me into helping him fight agent 4. He didn’t even cause any lasting damage.” “Perhaps being presented with SCP-076, and the knowledge of its capabilities, was what motivated this individual to launch such a potentially devastating attack.” Gears suggested. “If that’s the case, we’ll have to stop him as soon as possible so he can’t weaponize any more of these things.” Marie said matter-of-factly. “First, we’ve got to figure out a way to beat Able.” Kat-no, wait, Bright-said. “I know more than anyone that Able can’t be beat with brute force, at least not without turning this city into a crater.” “Sounds like we need a strategy.” Callie started thinking. “Actually...”

Marcus teleported into the base of the New Squidbeak Splatoon, looking around for his friend. He saw her sitting at the conference table, head down and closed off. “Hey, Lauren.” He sat at the table next to her. She ignored him. “Come on, I just want to talk.” She looked up at him, her eyes red. “Dude, have you been crying?” “Sorry. It’s just... I can’t believe she’s gone.” She’d started shaking. “I saved her from the Metro months ago, but I couldn’t save her from an amulet!” Lauren screamed in Marcus’s face, causing him to nearly jump out of his chair. “Sorry, sorry, sorry.” The girl was clearly devastated as she helped her friend back up. “I know it’s not your fault. I can’t forgive myself for-” “-For what? I was there, and you didn’t do anything wrong. Neither of us knew what that amulet did, and there was nothing either of us could’ve done.” Lauren thought about it for a minute or two. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I couldn’t save her. That doesn’t change the fact that my friend is dead.” “Well, not really.” “Oh please, you heard what bright said. We can’t get Bright out of her without killing her.” “Yeah, I know. If only we had something capable of killing someone without actually killing them. Marcus smiled. “Actually...”

“Callie, you got a plan? Because now would be a really good time to share it.” King had heard Callie say they needed a strategy for defeating Able. “Well, can you guys change where that portal thing opens up?” “Well, yeah." Kondraki responded. "That's how we got 106 back into containment. What's that got to do with anything?" Marie answered, "isn't it obvious? We're going to open a portal and have that guy walk back into containment.” Bright shook Katherine’s head. “No good, kid. SCP-076 can bust through his cell no problem. Whenever he’s reborn from that stone, we just do what we can to recapture him until we can figure out some material he can’t rip through like tissue paper.” “Okay, okay, what if we don’t teleport him back into containment then?” Callie suggested. “What if we teleport him into deep space?” Gears thought for a moment. “That’s quite an interesting idea. I don’t see why it wouldn’t work, considering that even if SCP-076 isn’t immediately neutralized, it will be unable to cause any more harm.” “Right, so we just find Able, get him to run at us, throw down the portal-thingy, and send him into the cold, infinite vacuum of space.” Callie recapped. “Ixnay on that first part.” Clef pointed over to the end of the street, where Able had turned the corner and was now glaring straight at them.

Lauren jumped out of her chair, grabbing Marcus by the shirt. “You’ve got an idea? Something to save our friend? Tell me! Tell me now!” “Well first off, I’m starting to miss breathing. That was a fun hobby.” “Oh! Sorry about that.” Lauren released Marcus as he readjusted his shirt, saying, “Right, so I’m figuring we can use the respawn generators to kill Katherine, transfer Bright somewhere else, and then let Kat respawn as herself.” Lauren looked disappointed. “Don’t you remember? The respawn generators are down.” “Yeah, at moray towers, maybe. But not at, say, port mackerel for example.” Lauren smiled, realizing the detail she’d missed. “Holy… you’re right. Okay, let’s get Bright and King so they can help us out.” “You got it.” She said. While Marcus was happy to see his friend acting so excitedly again, both of them ran out of the base while calling Drs. King and Bright.

“Oh, hold up, I’m getting a call.” Bright said. “Yeah, same.” King pointed at his pocket holding his communicator. “But now’s not the time! Able’s headed right for us!” “I got this!” Marie loaded her charger, firing a stream of green ink in Able’s path. Contrary to her hopes, the demigod wasn’t slowed in the slightest. “King, how long’s it gonna take-” “Portal’s ready!” dr. King was too far away, so he tossed it to Bright, who then threw the portal device onto the ground the exact second SCP-076 would’ve passed it. After a few seconds, Able failed to reappear and Gears closed the device, tossing it back to King. “Alright, now to see about that call.” He and Bright opened up a 4-way call. “Hey, kids, you figure something out?” :”Yeah, I think we’ve got a way to separate Bright and Kat without killing either of them, at least not permanently.” Marcus explained. “Well alright then, tell me. I mean, being a monkey is one thing, but this is a whole new level of weird.” Bright demanded. “Okay, so the respawn generators on moray towers are broken. Port mackerel, however, has perfectly good, functioning respawn generators. If we can get there, we can kill Bright, let King figure out what to do with the amulet, and let Katherine respawn like normal.” Lauren explained. “You know, that’s not a bad idea. We just took care of 076, so how long will it take us to get there.” “Wait, you got rid of that guy already? Dude, that’s great! Anyway, the port should only be a few minutes away.” “Good, good. Tell you what, you two stay at the square so me and Bright can rendezvous with you and you can lead us over there and finish your cockamamie plan.” “You’re a cockamamie plan.” Marcus responded. “Well, appleseeds appear wherever I go for no apparent reason, so you got me there.” King hung up. “Bright, you ready?” His colleague pocketed his communicator. “You bet.”

“Hey, you two ready?” Dr. King called over to the table where Marcus and Lauren were waiting for them. “Yeah, we’ve been waiting for you two. Let’s go already!” Lauren jumped out of the chair, practically dragging Marcus behind her. “Yeah, uh, port mackerel should only be a couple blocks away. If we run, we should be able to get there in a few minutes.” Marcus pointed over in the general direction of the port. “Good work, kid. Now let’s go and kill me so I can come back to life.” “Makes perfect sense to me.” Marcus started walking towards the port.

At the roof of the central moray towers building, a pitch-black cuboidal stone engraved with occult imagery pulsated with an ancient energy. It wasn’t quite demonic, but one could scarcely describe it as holy. A few dozen feet away, the elevator opened to reveal 2 inklings and 3 foundation scientists. “I’d recommend we spread out. Otherwise, it could potentially take us hours to locate-” “Hey, is that it over there?” Marie interrupted dr. Gears. “What a rude little girl you are.” Gears looked over at the stone. “Although, you’re evidently a correct rude little girl. That is indeed SCP-076-01.” The five-piece team hesitantly approached SCP-076-01. “Something about this… I don’t know, it feels wrong somehow.” Callie whispered, like she was afraid of someone-or something-overhearing them. “You’re not entirely wrong.” Kondraki acknowledged. “We don’t know what this thing really is, only that 076 resurrects inside it whenever he dies.” “So, just out of curiosity, how long will the resurrection take?” Marie asked, slowly stepping backwards away from the stone. Clef shrugged. “Who knows? Could be hours, could be decades. Of course, asphyxiation usually takes an hour to do him in, so there’s that.” “Oh, okay. That’s reassuring.” “C’mon, you two. We’ve gotta take this thing back to base so we can wait for the others to get back with the portal generator.” “Right. Let’s get it into the elevator.” Callie said, as the five settled for pushing the stone into the elevator. Once they got to the elevator, Clef realized what was wrong with their plan. “Wait a second. How’re we going to get this thing into the elevator?” Kondraki thought for a moment. “Oh, we are so boned.”

“Alright, everyone clear on the plan?” Lauren asked. They’d been over this a few times before, but she figured they’d best make sure they were all on the same page just in case. “You guys kill me, King takes my amulet back to our dimension to find me a willing host, and the respawn generator brings your friend back with her own mind.” Bright said, as though he was planning out a perfectly normal saturday. “Alright, good. Ready, Bright?” Marcus asked, pulling out his splatling. “Ready? Of course I’m ready! You think I’m afraid of some ink? I’m Jack Bright, mother-” He was interrupted by a barrage of blue ink, instantly killing both him and Katherine. “That was fast.” Dr. King mused, taking a metal grabber out of his pocket to pick up Bright’s amulet without actually touching it. Nearby, the respawn generator on their side of the port started glowing pink, as Katherine respawned there like they’d planned. “You two take care of your friend. I’ll see what I can do about this.” He activated the portal, reprogrammed to take him back to site-19. “Ugh… guys, what’s happening?” Kat asked, holding her head like she had a migraine. “Kat, you’re back! It worked!” Laren yelled, running over to the octoling. “How does it feel?” Marcus asked. “How does...Well, I’ve got a headache. Almost like I’ve got two different people in one body. So, what’d I miss?” Marcus winced. “That depends. What’s the last thing you remember?” Katherine hesitated for a short moment. “Well, Bright was dead. So I picked up his amulet and then, I don’t know, I guess I just blacked out. What happened?” “Come on. We can explain while we walk back to base.” Lauren suggested. “Got it. Anything that gets me caught up.” Katherine jumped down from the respawn generator, as the three started walking back to their headquarters.

"Okay, I'm in position. Everyone else ready?” Clef asked through the communicator. “Yes, we’re ready. Is the building empty?” Kondraki asked. “Of course it’s empty; I checked a dozen times. Send it down already.” “Alright. Let’s just hope this works.” Kondraki pocketed the communicator, turning to the other 3. “Clef’s in position. Now for our part of the plan.” The four of them pushed SCP-076-01 into the elevator, where it barely managed to fit. Before they could get it in all the way, a portal opened with drs. King and Bright coming through, the latter now inhabiting the body of another D-class. “I hate to ask, but what are you four doing?” King pointed over to the stone. “Isn’t it obvious? We’re trying to push it into the elevator so it’ll fall down and we can push it back to base.” Callie scoffed. “You’re aware that’s a terrible plan right?” Bright asked. “And this is coming from me, the guy who once tried to secure a containment breach with a chainsaw cannon.” “Well, without the dimensional portal doohickey, this was the best we could come up with. Besides, we waited until everyone left the building.” Marie tried to justify their shoddy excuse for a plan. “Well, I’ve got the portal device right here. So now there’s no need to cause tens of thousands of dollars worth in property damages.” “Yeah, I guess you’ve got a point.” Callie acknowledged before turning to her cousin and whispering, “What’s a dollar?” “Beats me. Some kind of currency?” “Okay, now we just have to push it into the portal.” King told the group, having activated the device. After a few minutes, the six of them managed to push SCP-076-01 back into its containment chamber. “Good work team. Now let’s head back to headquarters.”

“Huh. So that’s what happened. You know, that explains a lot, actually. Like this sudden banana craving, considering the guy was a monkey when we first met him.” While Kat was talking, Callie, Marie, and drs. Gears, Bright, Kondraki, and King teleported in. “Alright, good news. We managed to get SCP-076-01 back into containment, and SCP-076-02 is probably still stranded in space.” Bright told them. “More importantly, I’m no longer a teenager.” “Good. That means we can...” Marcus started, before realizing they were one short. “Hey wait a minute, where’s Clef?”

An hour after the moray towers’ closing time, Clef had started to realize the SCP probably hadn’t gotten stuck in the elevator shaft like he’d originally assumed. “Well, this blows chunks.”

“Oh, Alto, you’re back.” Kondraki acknowledged his colleague teleporting into their base. “Why didn’t you guys tell me you went back here? I was waiting by that elevator for two hours.” “Well, we were going to, but someone-” Katherine pointed over to dr. Kondraki. “-decided it’d be a better idea to wait and see how long it took you to figure it out. Course, now he owes all of us either 5 dollars each, which would be great if our currency wasn’t snail-based.” Clef looked around at the nine of them, slowly putting his hand up to his head. “Okay, I can see most of you doing that, but you too, Charles? I always thought you were above these sorts of shenanigans.” Gears shrugged. “Dr. King managed to convince me it’d be a worthy experiment.” “Well, whatever. Let’s see what’s on the news.” Clef turned on the TV. “Dude, we’ve already seen it. It’s nothing we don’t know about.” Marcus said, though he didn’t do anything about the broadcast that Clef had already tuned into. “Well Marina, I think that’s all for tonight.” “Yes, and just as a reminder, We’ll be sending search parties out into the surrounding areas to look for those who managed to evacuate.” Before Marina could turn off the camera, she remembered something. “Oh, wait, I just remembered. We’ve got something else.” The screen transferred over to the forest, where Sheldon was holding a microphone. “Oh, are we-yes, it seems we’re on. Well, I’m a bit new to being a news anchor, but, uh, here’s the ones who found the thing I’m supposed to be reporting on.” He handed the mic over to someone offscreen, while the cameraman panned over to Ethan, holding the microphone, and the other members of the S4. “Hey, those’re the guys we fought in the turf war.” King realized. “What could they have found?” Marcus asked. “We were evacuating the city when we realized it was under attack by one of those, I dunno, those SCPs, I think they’re called. We found something, and, I’m not sure what it is. I mean, we know what it is, but I’m not really sure how to explain it. Here, let me...” The S4 members turned to the side, as the camera zoomed in to reveal a clearing with a small cluster of simple wooden cabins. “Wait a second.” Marie squinted at the TV, horrified. “Is that...?” Her fears were confirmed when several humans passed into frame, completely oblivious to the fact their new settlement had just been exposed to the inhabitants of a foreign dimension. “Well, everyone.” Callie practically whispered, trying to hold back her panic. “Looks like our secret’s out.”


	27. the first great turf war

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry I'm a few days late for the 5th anniversary celebration

In the year 8000 A.D., the apocalypse was approaching mankind. It was just too bad that only one man had realized the danger before it was far too late. Professor Vincent Schlumper had been fascinated by the ocean ever since his childhood, which he considered likely had something to do with the fact that the land had been consumed in a fifth world war for as many of his 50 years as he could remember. Recently, his studies had revealed that the ocean was starting to expand. He realized humanity, and quite possibly all land-dwelling life, was well and truly doomed a few years ago after the Antarctic ice caps had been melted by an atomic explosion. The United Central Eastern government had set up a facility there to reverse-engineer a crashed spacecraft filled with extraterrestrial technology. Of course, the dozens of countries involved in the war had all started to utilise alien tech ever since crashes had become more and more frequent, so that part wasn’t the problem. The problem was that the entire continent of Antarctica had legally been an international neutral zone for millennia, so the UCE using it to develop technology for their own war efforts was considered a blatant war crime. Of course, not everyone was angry when they found out. The propaganda creators, for example, had a field day with the incident for obvious reasons. Vincent, however, had been more horrified than anything else. The melting of the Antarctic ice caps had only exacerbated the rising sea levels, a problem that’d been happily ignored by most governments over the past few decades in favor of the war. He had tried to warn the local, state, and federal governments, but he’d been turned down at every turn. He wasn’t sure if they didn’t believe him, or if they just didn’t think the problem was as urgent as it really was, but the outcome was clear. Unless the governments of the world put aside their petty differences, the whole of mankind would be consumed under the seas within the year. Fat chance, though-even though the war had continued far past the point where everyone had forgotten its original cause, the dozens of world powers involved refused to concede defeat. Vincent, for his part, had opted to try to develop a cryogenic stasis pod in order to save as many people as he possibly could. However, he’d only perfected a small pod meant for his pet cat before he realized he was already much too late. Realizing that squids would walk on land sooner than the government would heed his warnings, he’d opted to place his cat Judd into cryogenic stasis in the vague hopes that after 10,000 years, he’d awaken into a new world, and… well, the professor hadn’t thought that far ahead, but it wasn’t like he’d be around long enough for it to matter. While he didn’t have sufficient time to create a single human-sized cryogenic stasis pod, he’d been working on an artificial intelligence for several years by that point. It’d originally been meant as a simple household assistant, albeit highly advanced, but over the past several months it’d gained a new purpose: to pass humanity’s knowledge on to the next dominant species of earth. Vincent named it TARTAR, not because of any sort of acronym, but because he’d been eating some fish with tartar sauce at the moment and figured that was as good a name for an AI as any. With his cat sleeping in cryo-stasis and his AI set to provide mankind’s knowledge to whatever species would inherit the earth, Vincent was as satisfied as he could be, watching over the ocean that would soon engulf him and everything he held dear.

10,000 years later, a new species had come to dominate the earth, just as the now long-forgotten professor had predicted. Cephalopods, as well as a few other aquatic species, had evolved to live primarily on land. The creatures, now fully self-aware, had decided to give their species new names. The creatures evolved from squids had called themselves inklings, while the descendants of octopi had taken to referring to themselves as octolings and octarians. The two species, both coming from the same origin, had quickly become allies. Once they’d managed to get a proper civilisation going, the two species had invented a new sport. Turf wars were 4-on-4 competitions to see which of two teams could cover more of a certain area in their team’s chosen color of ink, and quickly caught on as the flagship sport of the first cephalopod settlement, Urbem Maris. However, the fact that octolings were naturally more mathematically-inclined than inklings meant that they had an unfair advantage in determining how much of an area had been covered in each team’s ink, and therefore an unfair advantage in determining the winner of a turf war. At first, this had been seen as a minor inconvenience. Once turf wars became a prominent part of cephalopod culture, however, it eventually became apparent that the situation couldn’t continue as such for much longer. After much debate, the leadership council-a governing body consisting of 6 octolings and 6 inklings-opted to send out an inkling, Gregory Cuttlefish, and his octoling friend, Decimus Julius Octavio, to find someone capable of settling the turf war disputes while remaining as neutral as possible. The two of them had been wandering around for about a week without finding anything of note, when Decimus decided he’d had enough. “Gregory, pray tell, how long have we been searching for an individual capable of solving our turf war plights?” Gregory paused for a moment. He looked up at the position of the sun, and then counted how many times since they’d departed that he’d seen it in that same position. “I’d wager around 7 days and 7 nights.” “Just as I thought. Now, how long were we supposed to be out here?” Gregory shrugged. “In case you’ve forgotten, Julius, we didn’t have any plans how long this would take. We both agreed we wouldn’t return without someone fully capable of judging our turf wars with guaranteed non-bias.” “I am well aware of this, Gregory. However, I agreed to this before I realized we would be no closer to our goal by the time we were nearly halfway through our rations. I’m afraid if we go any longer without turning back, we may not have enough food to get us back to Urbem Maris. On that note, do we even know how to get back?” “We’ve been going like this for days, and you just now decide to ask how we’re getting back?” “Well, until now, I had faith in your judgement. Now that we’ve been here this long with our still-dwindling rations, I’m starting to become more skeptical.” “Please, Decimus, of course I’ve marked the trees with my knife. They now bear the symbol of Urbem Maris, so we just have to follow them to get back. Besides, when have I ever let you down?” Decimus thought for a moment. “Well, there was that time we were chasing that chicken and you-” “Okay, okay, so maybe I’ve made a few mistakes.” Gregory tried to interrupt his friend reminding him of the chicken incident, of which he was sure they’d agreed to never speak. “Now, are you really sure you want to quit? You know the council won’t be happy if we return in failure.” Decimus was given pause by that last bit. Of course, Gregory was right. The leadership council was usually a fairly reasonable group, but they had a strict no-tolerance policy on failure. “Very well then.” He sighed. “I suppose if we run out of food, we could always become hunter-gatherers, like our ancestors.” “Are you sure? You have always preferred the agricultural life, Decimus.” Gregory joked. “Don’t worry. I practiced my weapon for a day before leaving Urbem Maris.” “That’s the spirit, Julius. Now come. While I was keeping watch over our campsite last night, I could’ve sworn I saw something wash up on the shore.” “Really? Well, why didn’t you mention this earlier?” Gregory shrugged. “I wasn’t sure if it was important. I was so tired, I wasn‘t even sure if it was real. Still, I think I’ve got a good idea where it should be.” “Well, what’re we waiting for, then? Let’s go find it already!” Decimus ran off in a random direction, stopping after a few seconds. “I’m going the wrong way, aren’t I?” Gregory pointed his thumb backwards over his shoulder. “Yes, you are.”

By the time the sky was red from the sunset, Gregory had been leading Decimus down the coast of the nearby beach until they came across some sort of device. It looked like some sort of capsule, maybe big enough for a small object. It was stark white, though turning it over revealed that the front was clear, like a sort of window. The inside was blurred by the sand and ocean, but the two could make out a vague shape inside. “What do you think it is?” Gregory asked his companion. “How do you expect me to know? It’s your discovery.” “I only saw it wash up. This is my first good look.” Gregory looked at the eldritch pod, a remnant from a long-dead civilisation that predated his very species. “Whatever it is, we should open it together.” Decimus immediately agreed. The pod, having been cryogenically sealed for 10 millenia, didn’t open until several minutes of prying. Dry ice billowed out of it like smoke, as a small, round figure crawled out. The creature was a cat, not that the humanoid cephalopods could have any way of knowing that. “Oh, my back. What happened?” The cat looked around as it spoke. Gregory and Decimus weren’t aware of the fact that most cats had been incapable of speech before going extinct along with most other mammals, though this one had been genetically engineered by its owner to be far more intelligent than its feline brethren. Gregory kneeled down to make eye contact with the small animal. “Greetings, strange creature. What do you call yourself?” “Well now, I remember my owner called me Judd. I was a pet, you see. In the old world, a long time ago. My owner was a sort of scientist, who built that device to preserve my life. Now that we’ve properly introduced each other, I suppose we’ll be going our separate ways now.” “Now, wait there.” Decimus stopped the cat. “We haven’t introduced ourselves to you, and we have a problem back home I’m thinking you might be able to help us with.” “Very well. I suppose I have nothing better to do.” “Excellent. I am Gregory Cuttlefish, and my fellow here is Decimus Julius Octavio. We were hoping you could become the judge of our turf wars.” The cat gave him a strange, confused look. “You want me to judge what now?” “Apologies.” Decimus clarified, “It’s a sport played by inklings, like my friend here, and octolings, such as myself. Recently, it’s come to our attention that octolings are inherently superior at math, which is integral to the sport of turf wars. Pray tell, are you competent with mathematics?” Judd shrugged his tiny shoulders. “Yes, I suppose I have some knowledge of math.” “Good. we’ll need you to tell us how much of a turf war arena has been covered in each color of ink after every game.” Judd looked at Gregory, confused again. “Did you say ink?”

Once Gregory and Decimus returned to urbem maris with Judd in tow, they were given a hero’s welcome. Judd proved his competence in impartially judging turf wars, and became something of a symbol for the town. Over the years, urbem maris grew in size and population. Turf wars changed over the years as well. Though the basic structure was always the same, new technologies brought new rules and regulations. Arenas became bigger and more complex, while the revolutionary invention of the respawn generator allowed weapons to become more advanced, as well as the removal of armor, making turf wars faster-paced without fear of permanent death in sports-whenever a competitor perished during a game, they would simply return at the respawn generator none the worse for wear. Judd discovered a method his professor had left to create a clone of himself, allowing his legacy to continue for thousands of years. Over time, the separations between inklings and octolings grew more pronounced, until the octolings elected to found their own city and establish a separate culture and government. Initially, the two races still maintained a mutual respect. However, the sea levels were still rising. At first, this problem was safely ignored, but at some point it became clear that only one of the two species could remain on the surface while the other would have to retreat underground. Naturally, the inkling and octoling governments both refused to move their respective peoples belowground. As a result, the great turf war officially began in the year 1900. Before that, though, the members of the two species were generally friendly on a personal scale, if not a governmental scale.

“You coming, Craig?” David called. “Yeah! Just give me a second.” The fourteen-year old Craig Cuttlefish and his similarly-aged friend, David Jones Octavio, continued on their way to their meeting place. The two were descendants of Gregory and Decimus, the ones who had introduced Judd to the city once known as urbem maris. A few years ago, the inkling city of Oceanside and the octarian city of octoberg had declared war on each other. However, the great turf war was still new enough that the younger generation was mostly unaffected. For the most part, all they knew was that the adults were fighting over space. After a few minutes, the two cephalopods made it to a cave in the middle of the forest, which they had set up as their meeting place with their friends, the horseshoe crab Ammoses Shellendorf, and two inklings, Carter and Kelsey. As always, Craig had slept in, necessitating David to go to his place and wake him up. Between the distance and the fact that, with the great turf war starting, octolings like David visiting Inkopolis were now frowned upon at best, it was a couple of hours before they made it to their meeting place. Said meeting place was a cave in a clearing in the middle of the forest, which Carter and Kelsey had discovered a few years ago and shown to the other three. The five of them had set it up as a meeting place, so they could talk together without the problems of the adult world interfering-all the more necessary considering David was the only octoling among the group. It took about five minutes of amateur spelunking, but the two cephalopods managed to find the natural alcove where the other three had set up. The makeshift “room” consisted of Carter, Kelsey, and Ammoses sitting on a blanket to make up for the hard, stony cave floor, around a large, circular rock, which they used as a table for their snacks. “Hey guys, sorry I’m late.” Craig apologized, taking a handful of squid rings out of their bag. “What makes you think ‘sorry’ is going to cut it this time?” David snapped, grabbing one of the squid rings from out of Craig’s hands. “What are you… what was that for?” “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe how you made me go out into Oceanside again, even though my kind are becoming more and more unwelcome by the day. Do you even know how many times I was nearly spotted?” “Come on, David. He didn’t mean anything by it, and besides, You’re just a kid. It’s not like anything would’ve happened to you if anyone saw you.” Kelsey tried to assure the octoling. “Maybe, but that’s not a chance I’m willing to take. You know I saw a bunch of inklings tearing apart a photo of inkling and octarian integration?” “Oh, come on.” Carter rolled his eyes. “I’ve seen news reports of octarians burning books depicting the inklings as good.” “Yeah, but those are just civilians. The government is still focused on the actual war.” “Yeah, David, that’s the problem.” Craig responded to his friend. “Your people are trying to kill my people.” “Forgive me, but I’m afraid I don’t see the purpose of this conversation.” A small, tinny voice piped up. Carter, Craig, David, and Kelsey looked at Ammoses. “What do you mean? We’re just talking about the war.” “Exactly my point, Carter. I allowed the four of you to establish your club here specifically so you could avoid the war. Really, I’m just here as a supervisor to make sure you don’t do anything you’re not supposed to. Especially not those two.” He pointed at Carter and Kelsey. “Wait, why are you pointing at us like that? What do you think we’d do without you here?” Kelsey asked. “At your age, you should know exactly what I’m talking about.” Carter immediately realized what he meant. “Woah, woah, no, that’s not...it’s not like that, I swear!” Kelsey just laughed. “I dunno, we do know each other pretty well. Maybe we could-” “Alright, you two, that’s enough. Does anyone have anything to talk about besides the war?” “Sheldon, I was just talking about-” “The war or your adolescent hormones. Save that for your parents.” “You mean the parents who’re trying to force us to stop seeing each other? The parents who are trying to turn us to their side of the war?” Craig asked, growing angry. “Well, uh, yes?” Ammoses had become nervous. “Well, my parents are trying to train me for combat. They want me to join the war as soon as I come of age.” David crossed his arms in his frustration. “I’m sorry, David. If you want, you could stay over at my place.” “Don’t kid yourself, Kelsey. If I lived with you, our parents would find out immediately and then who knows what would happen.” “Sorry, it’s just...I want to help.” “Well, thanks, but there’s nothing you can do.” “David, that’s not true.” Ammoses said quietly. “I’m sure if you talked to the right authorities-” “That’s the problem, Ammoses! There are no ‘right authorities’! The octarians want me to join their side of the war, and the inklings want me to stay at octoberg. Either way, I’m going to join the war, and I’m going to be forced to fight my own friends. You know what, just forget it. I’m going home, or at least what excuse for a home I have.” He left the cave, trying to hide the fact he’d started crying. The other four just stared after him, too stunned to try calling him back, in awkward silence.

Come the year 1910, the great turf war had been raging nonstop for a decade. Craig, David, Carter, and Kelsey had reached the age of twenty. While the three inklings joined the war on the inklings’ side, David found himself with no other choice than to join the octolings’ side of the conflict, over time buying more and more into their propaganda until he no longer remembered his old friends. Craig had recently been promoted to second lieutenant, and had been tasked with forming a specialized militia group to combat the octarians. That was the reason he had called Carter and Kelsey to meet with him at one of the army’s bases. “So, what you’re saying is you want the two of us to help you form a team to fight the octarians.” “Actually, Carter, I was just about to introduce our fourth member. Now where is-” “Right here, Craig!” A familiar voice called out from the other side of the room. Ammoses shellendorf paused his blow torch welding, lifting the protective goggles off his eyes. “Ammoses!” Kelsey smiled at her old friend. “It’s been years! Where’ve you been?” “I’ve been hired as the technician of the Squidbeak Splatoon.” “Squidbeak splatoon? Is that what this group is called?” Carter asked. Craig shrugged. “I thought it was a good name.” “Okay, fair enough. What’s our first assignment?” “I’m glad you asked.” Ammoses pulled out a map, unfolding it until it covered the table. “The octarians have taken control of arowana castle outside the city limits. If they’re allowed access to the weapons our forces have got stashed there, the results would be disastrous. Therefore, you three will have to go there, leading a group of 2 dozen soldiers, and take back the castle for our forces. It’d be preferable if you could leave the place intact, considering how valuable it is to our arsenal. Understood?” Craig nodded, while Kelsey asked. “Three? Why aren’t you going with us?” “Did you not hear me earlier? I’m just a technician, not a combatant.” “Alright.” Carter understood the plan. “When do we leave?” “Tomorrow morning.” Craig answered. “Best get some rest tonight.”

By noon of the next day, Craig, Carter, and Kelsey found themselves looking out on a cliff over Arowana castle, where half a dozen octarian sentries stood guard. “Here’s the plan. We’ll split into three groups of 9, one of us plus 8 soldiers. Kelsey, you lead your group to the front of the castle and draw the majority of fire. Carter, you and your group use the distraction to take out the front guards. I’ll lead the last group into the castle itself, where we’ll rendezvous and take out the remaining octarians.” “Wait, I’m not sure I’m okay with being bait.” “Kelsey, don’t think of it as bait. You’re a tactical distraction.” Craig said. “That just sounds like bait with extra steps!” “Quiet!” Carter hissed. “Do you want them to hear you?” “Right, right. Okay. I suppose I can work with this plan.” Craig turned around to the other soldiers in their platoon. “Everyone ready?” The infantrymen all cocked their bamboozlers-specialized rifle-like weapons designed specifically for the war-to signal in the affirmative. “Then let’s move. Squadron 1, you’re with me. Squadron 2, go with Carter. Squadron 3, you’re with Craig. You know which one you are.” the members of squadron 1 followed their leader down a nearby slope to the front of arowana castle. Kelsey couldn’t help but choke back vomit, looking at the castle that had been corrupted by the enemy forces. Tall spires that had once served as a symbol of inkling bravery now served as a symbol of octarian conquest, the people who wanted nothing more than to see her and everyone she loved forced to live in underground hovels for generations to come. Time and again, she had asked herself if her side was any better, how what they wanted for the octarians was any better. Over time, she’d learned to push those feelings aside and focus solely on the war. Better them than us was the philosophy she’d adopted along with countless others on both sides. All this ran through Kelsey’s mind as she led her squadron to the front doors of the enemy’s newest stronghold. Immediately, the lookouts noticed them, alerting the sentries to their presence. There were about a dozen being sent out against them, far less than they expected. Perhaps they realized there were more of the inkling forces on the way, given how small the individual squadrons were. Oh well. She’d just have to improvise. She could hear Craig calling out from the cliff, “Carter, I think they’re catching on to our plan! You’re up early; go, go, go!” Squadron 2 charged the front gates, joining squadron 2 in combating the octarian forces. With the slight advantage in numbers, the inklings were able to take out the guards. “Okay, squadron 3, the coast is clear; let’s go!” Craig led the last third of the platoon down the cliff, entering the castle alongside the rest of the group. There were a few dozen octarian soldiers, who were clearly waiting for them ever since they’d started assaulting the front of the castle. The octarians surrounded the inklings on all sides, some maneuvering to the front so they could block the exit. “Outnumbered, outgunned, and surrounded? Bring it on!” Carter yelled at the enemy forces. The 2 dozen inklings spread out, fighting against the octolings that outnumbered them 5-to-1. About half of the platoon was killed, though their superior weaponry allowed them to visit grievous losses upon the octarians who had yet to unlock the code for the weapons vault. After several minutes of combat, Craig had pinned an octoling soldier to the wall. “Where’s the commander in charge of this stronghold?” He held his weapon to the enemy. “He’s at the vault, trying to blow it open.” Wordlessly, Craig knocked the octoling’s head against the stone wall, knocking him out while keeping him alive for the time being. “Carter, Kelsey, the commander’s at the vault! Let’s go already!” His fellow commanders, as well as the remaining dozen or so infantrymen, followed him into the room at the end of the nearby hallway. There, they saw someone laying down explosives, the half a dozen guards flanking him charging at the inklings. “Squadrons 1 and 2, keep the guards busy. Squadron 3, we’re neutralizing the commander. As the two groups split off, Craig was given pause when he saw the enemy commander. “David?” David Jones Octavio turned around, taking a few moments to recognize the man he had once been proud to call his friend. “Who? Cuttlefish? is that you?” “David, it’s me. Just call off the attack, and we can-” “Save it, inkling.” The octarian snarled. “I have no choice in this war, and neither do you. Let’s just get this over with.” He knelt down, lighting a match. “David, stop!” one of the infantrymen in Craig’s squadron fired a shot at octavio. He dodged the shot, which harmlessly struck one of the bombs. Octavio ran forward, throwing the match behind him. After half a minute, the explosives activated, blasting apart the vault door. However, the octarians had underestimated the structural integrity of the castle, resulting in most of the weapons stored there being rendered useless. With the castle crumbling around them and most of their infantrymen dead, Craig tried once again to appeal to David’s better side. “David, come on, please. You can defect, you can join our side, you can-” “No. I belong here, Cuttlefish. I am a leader to the octarians. My life has purpose here. If I joined your side, I’d just be another disposable soldier, forced to fight my family in the hopes of banishing my entire species underground.”

Craig, Carter, Kelsey, and David escaped arowana castle, with only a handful of infantrymen remaining on both sides. Arowana was destroyed, crippling the inklings’ arsenal. The octarians built giant machines called great octoweapons, which laid waste to the inklings’ bases. One day, however, the carelessness of one particularly inept technician, resulted in the great octoweapons losing power before they could storm the inklings’ central stronghold. By the year 1918, 18 years after the war started, the octarians were forced to admit defeat and send their species underground. Oceanside continued to grow as it once had, engulfing the territory the octarians had once had for themselves. The name of the city changed multiple times, until the late 2000’s, when it was renamed to Inkopolis. Technology continued to advance and turf war rules kept changing without altering the overall structure, Judd continued to follow the instructions left by the professor to clone new generations, keeping turf wars properly judged for generations to come. Over time, the existence of the octarians was reduced to history books, until they were thought to be all but extinct. In the year 2018, the octarians stole the great zapfish, Inkopolis’s primary energy source. Unable to find anyone to believe him, captain Craig Cuttlefish recruited a 14-year old named Lauren to join his granddaughters, Callie and Marie, as members of the New Squidbeak Splatoon. The group was successful in recovering the great zapfish while keeping the octarians’ continued existence a secret. Two years later, the octarians used newly-developed mind control technology to turn Callie to their side. Marie recruited the14-year old Marcus to recover the great zapfish a second time and break the octarians’ mind control. At the same time, captain Cuttlefish and Lauren found themselves in an eldritch place called the Deepsea Metro, where they found an octoling named Katherine. They found out that hundreds of octolings had moved to Inkopolis after witnessing the battles between the New Squidbeak Splatoon and their ruler, DJ octavio. While trying to help Katherine escape the Metro, they discovered the telephone that’d been guiding them throughout was actually TARTAR, the AI built by the long-forgotten professor Vincent Schlumper 12,000 years ago. Over the millenia, TARTAR had become corrupted, until it saw inklings and octolings as unworthy to inherit the planet. Enraged by the inklings’ obsession with fashion and turf wars, and the octarians’ obsession with revenge, TARTAR tried to wipe out all sentient life on the planet. With the help of two civilians, Pearl and Marina, the three managed to annihilate TARTAR and save their planet. Afterwards, Pearl and Marina declined joining the group, instead remaining as auxiliary support. Katherine, on the other hand, opted to join under the codename agent 8. Under the supervision of Craig, Callie, and Marie, the three agents became protectors of the peace in Inkopolis, ensuring that there would never be a second great turf war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> from now on, I'll try(keyword being try) to post a chapter every saturday. seeing as this is sunday you can already see how well that's going.


	28. the red pool

“We need to think of a plan. Some way to gain the humans’ trust.” Craig told the assembled group. The meeting consisted of the entire New Squidbeak Splatoon-the captain, Calllie, Marie, Lauren, Marcus, and Katherine-as well as Sheldon, Pearl, Marina, and the 5 humans-Bright, Kondraki, Clef, Gears, and King. The 14 of them were trying to discuss a strategy to establish positive relations between Inkopolis and the human settlement, which had been exposed last night. “The way I see it, we’ve got to send some of us out to properly introduce your people to theirs.” King suggested. “Alright. How many do we send?” Marie asked. “Well, seeing as there are 14 of us, I propose we send half our number.” Gears replied. “Right. Since this is our attempt to integrate them into our world, we should send inhabitants of our world.” Sheldon added. “Myself, the agents, and the captain. The rest of you can stay here and monitor for SCPs.” “Sounds good. I’ve been wanting to get out of town for a while now. Everything’s just been changing so fast.” Marcus said. “Alright, I say we leave immediately. Any objections?” Callie looked around at the team. No one raised any dissent. “Okay then, let’s go. We can take our van.” Marie stood up from the table. “Got it.” Kat turned to the rest of the group. “You guys try not to burn down any more of the city while we’re gone.” “We’ll see what we can do.” Clef shrugged. “How reassuring.” Pearl responded.

Half a day later, Callie was driving her and Marie’s 7-man-capacity van, her cousin sleeping shotgun while Lauren, Marcus, and Katherine sat in the middle of the van in front of Sheldon and Craig in the back. The three kids were arguing about how the humans’ society would function. “Well, they’re probably hunter-gatherers, like our ancestors.” Marcus guessed. “Maybe we could start food trades.” “How?” Lauren asked. “They’re from another dimension; they’re economy is completely different from ours.” “I heard from Clef their economy is based on pieces of paper called dollars.” Katherine interjected. “Oh, come on, seriously. Who ever heard of a paper-based economy?” Marcus questioned. “I don’t know. Who ever heard of a talking sea slug, or a history book that makes you use your blood as ink, or killer teddy bears made of organs?” Callie added from the driver’s seat. “Fair enough, but it still makes no sense. I mean, why paper specifically? Why not rocks, or plastic, or some other material? Plus, why did that lizard monster go through the portal to our dimension of all things. Not to mention we still don’t know what the deal is with this Khahrahk thing dr. Gears told us about, or what it has to do with the multiverse being destroyed. Oh, and did I mention the multiverse is being destroyed?!” Marcus had nearly started to hyperventilate, overwhelmed by everything happening all at once. “Dude, calm down.” Katherine interrupted, putting her hand on his shoulder. “Just remember, one crisis at a time. For now, let’s just focus on making first contact with the humans.” “Alright, alright, I-I’m good. You’re right. One thing at a time.” “Hey guys, we’re here!” Callie turned around. “You ready, team?” “I think we’re as ready as we’ll ever be.” Sheldon responded. “Good, now I’ve just got to wake up Marie.” Callie opened the door next to her cousin, leaning over and shouting, “We’re here; wake up!” Marie startled out of her seat, falling out of the van through the open door. Immediately, she stood up and reached into the van to try and throttle Callie. “Callie I swear if you ever do that again I’ll-” “That’s enough, agent 2.” Craig pulled Marie out of the van. While Callie was getting out, he added, “And agent 1, please refrain from doing that again.” “Yes, grandpa.” Callie agreed. “Well, this peace visit is off to a great start.” Marcus remarked. The five inklings, the octoling, and the horseshoe crab started walking into the makeshift town. Craig stepped to the front of the group, approaching the nearest human. “Excuse me, sir, would you happen to know the leader of this settlement?” The man replied, “Well of course I know him. He’s me.” Marcus got a closer look at the guy, suddenly recognizing him. “Shotgun?” “Wait, you recognize this guy?” Sheldon looked between the two, confused. “Yeah, he was the leader of the firearm tribe at the infinite IKEA.” he turned back to Shotgun. “So, they made you the leader of this place too?” Shotgun shrugged. “Well, we all held a vote between me and the other tribe leaders, and I somehow managed to win. The other former leaders decided to volunteer as my advisors.” “Dude, that’s great! We’ve actually come here on a peace visit.” “What he means is...” Craig clarified, “We’ve come here in the hopes of establishing peaceful relations between our communities.” “Well, that’s good to hear. We figured it was only a matter of time before we became public knowledge in your world.” Kat realized something. “Hey, have any of you noticed something weird or anomalous around this area?” “I dunno. Does a pond made of blood count as anomalous?” “Oh, what? No, no, that’s not-of course that’s anomalous! That’s very anomalous!” “I’ll call up dr. King and ask him about it.” Marcus pulled out his communicator. “Oh hell, what did you kids do this time?” “Thanks for the vote of confidence. Anyway, the leader of the human settlement just told us there’ve been sightings of a pond made of blood. Any info on that one?” “Oh, that’s SCP-354. I’d advise not going near it, considering it sometimes spits out random monsters and it might lead into another dimension.” “Oh, oh of course, that makes too much sense. Heaven forbid it just be a pond that happens to be made of blood; of course it’s also a two-way portal to a monster dimension.” He hung up the communicator. “Change of plan, guys. I’m thinking we should check out that portal.” “Agreed. If it is a portal, then no doubt its inhabitants will pose a threat to this settlement.” Craig continued, “Callie, Marie, Sheldon, you three help me with the peace visit. Lauren, Marcus, Katherine, you three go investigate the pond.” Lauren protested, “Wait a sec, why do we have to go to the dangerous blood pool?” “Because you three have plenty of fighting experience, the four of us are more mature for this visit, and you’ve got experience in alternate dimensions.” Sheldon answered. “Fair enough, I suppose.” Marcus turned to his friends. “Best get this over with, I suppose.” “Right. It’s over that way.” Shotgun pointed across the area. While the other four went off with Shotgun, the three youngest agents started going through the makeshift town. Aside from some odd looks and the occasional thanks from people who recognized them from the infinite IKEA, the walk went much more normally than they’d expected. After a little less than an hour, the three found themselves in a clearing in the forest, where they saw a moderate-sized, irregularly-shaped body of water made of a viscous red liquid. “Man, either someone spilled a lot of kool-aid or we just found what we’re looking for.” Marcus leaned down, sticking his finger in the pond and bringing it to his mouth. “Oh, gross, dude! Are you actually going to taste that stuff?” Lauren yelled. “Well, can you blame a guy for being curious?” “In this case, yes.” Marcus shrugged, putting the blood-soaked finger in his mouth. “Huh. actually not half-bad.” “Oh great, now my friend’s a vampire.” Katherine lamented. “Actually, considering the past few weeks...” While Marcus was leaning over to get another sample, he saw something rippling in the middle of the pond. “Game faces, girls!” A few seconds later, a creature launched out of the pond, landing on the banks of the pond text to them. The thing was small, almost looking like a hybrid of a frog and turtle. Lauren looked at it, disappointed. “That’s it?” “It’s kinda cute. Can we keep it?” Katherine started petting the creature. “No way. I don’t trust anything that pops out of a pond made of blood.” Marcus refuted. While Kat was trying to hold the animal, it started shifting and changing. It turned into an almost liquid state, falling out of her hands and growing. “Kat, what did I tell you about feeding animals from another dimension?” Marcus yelled. “I didn’t feed it anything!” the organism had started to solidify, and by the time it finished, a duplicate of Katherine was staring down the trio. It wasn’t a precise copy; its skin was even paler and its eyes glowed a bright red, but from a far enough distance it could’ve easily passed for the real thing. “That’s not true. You fed me your DNA. Now you’ll feed me your flesh.” It lunged at them, trying to bite Katherine’s jugular. Lauren pounced on the duplicate, pulling it off of her friend. “More genetic information. Delicious.” The shapeshifter altered itself slightly until it became a pale, red-eyed doppelganger of Lauren. “I can only hope the rest of your species is as appetizing as you.” Marcus punched it in the face, yelling, “I’d like to see you try!” “Wish granted.” The creature’s voice changed pitch as it turned into Marcus. “I get it. You’re turning into us by analyzing our DNA when we touch you, right?” Katherine realized, having seen the results of genetic experimentation in the Deepsea Metro. “Very smart.” It clapped sarcastically. It jumped at Marcus, trying to kick him in the face. He dodged to the side, only for his copy to roundhouse kick him in the stomach, knocking him down to the ground. Lauren grabbed a 3-foot stick from the ground, tossing it at the creature’s head. Before it could impact, it shrunk down back into the shape of the turtle-frog from earlier. Marcus kicked the animal, launching it a few feet into the air. After it fell on the ground, it turned back into Lauren. It ran at them, dodging their attempts to attack it. The thing started punching Lauren, pivoting on one foot to jump sideways and kick her in the face. While Lauren was holding her bloodied nose, Katherine grabbed the creature from behind to turn it around, letting go and kicking it in the back. While it lay on the ground, Marcus stomped on its back to hold it down. “Now! We need to kill this thing!” “On it!” Lauren shot the creature in the head with her splattershot, killing it. “Victory is ours. Now and forevermore.” Her voice was still distorted by her nasal injury, and she was still wiping her blood off on her sleeve with one hand while holding her weapon with the other. Marcus looked over at the blood pool. “What do you suppose we do with this thing?” “Beats me. We can’t just leave it like this. I mean, who knows what might pop out? The longer it stays here, the more we risk some terrible abomination being released.” Katherine replied, taping a leaf to Lauren’s nose as a makeshift bandage. “On the bright side, I’m a medical genius.” “We need to find some way to drain that pool.” Lauren pointed out, grabbing her communicator. “Dr. Gears?” “Hello. Pardon, but why does your voice sound different?” “Don’t worry, just got my nose kicked by a shapeshifter. Anyway, any ideas on how to take care of a monster-spewing pool made of blood?” Gears apparently thought for a few moments. “Perhaps you should set up a border around SCP-354. I assume that’s what you’re referring to.” “Yeah, well, this thing is a bit big for a fence. I doubt we’ll have time to set up anything good before the next monster comes out.” “In that case, perhaps you should fill the pool.” “With what? Do you guys even know how deep this thing is, or is it just infinite?” “As far as we know, it’s depth is incalculable until it transfers into a portal to an alternate dimension. Of course, the only evidence we have of such a dimension is an exploration log for a mission that was never officially approved.” “Huh. okay, we’ll investigate the blood pond and maybe call you back later.” She hung up the communicator, kneeling down next to the pond. Despite staring right at it, the blood was much too viscous to make anything out beneath the surface. “Maybe we should go in.” Marcus stared at her, completely stunned. “That’s the dumbest plan I’ve ever heard. Sorry, but that’s just beyond stupid.” “Well, think about it. What if this alternate dimension has something in it the monsters are coming from, and we can destroy it?” “Sorry, I’m with Marcus on this one. Even if there is some monster source in there, it’ll probably be indestructible, not to mention the legions of monsters we’d have to fight. It’s way too risky.” Katherine refuted. Lauren looked at the blood pond, then at her friends. “Alright. You’ve made your point. Maybe we could convince the humans to move their settlement somewhere else. We could even try and get volunteers from Inkopolis to help. If something really bad comes out, we’ll just take care of it on a case-by-case basis.” Marcus smiled. “Thanks for seeing reason. Now, let’s get back and tell Shotgun and the others what we found.” Before they could go off, the pond rippled. It was much more intense than last time, indicating something far bigger was coming through. “Oh hell. What is it this time?” Marcus pulled out his splatling, ready to shoot whatever came through. The pond erupted in a fountain of blood, staining the three agents bright red. The monster that came out almost looked like a massive worm, about 20 feet across with a circular mouth lined with 5-foot razor-sharp teeth. Dozens of tentacles radiated from around it, emerging directly from the pond as though a significant portion of the beast remained submerged. “This that terrible abomination you were talking about, Kat?” Marcus asked. “Yeah, that-that’ll do it. Come on, let’s kill it.” “Hey, wait, if it’s stuck in the pool, maybe it’s not a threat. Maybe it can clog up the-” Lauren was interrupted as one of the tentacles stretched out far longer than it looked capable of, shattering several trees as the agents barely dodged being ripped to pieces. “Okay, I stand corrected. We need to take that thing down.” Marcus started firing directly into the organism’s mouth, but it didn’t react in the slightest. “Okay, maybe a splat bomb.” He tossed a pyramidal device towards the creature’s mouth, only for it to catch it in its tentacle and shatter the bomb without effort. “Well, I’m out of ideas. You two, any plans?” “Just one.” Kat started running at the beast, dodging its tentacles until she jumped on one to use as a bridge over the pond. She’d underestimated how slippery a monstrous tentacle covered in blood would be, screaming as she tried in vain to grab onto the tentacle before inevitably falling into the mass of blood. “Kat! What do we do?” Marcus thought for a moment before answering, “The stupidest thing we can.” He grabbed his friend’s arm, dragging her past the monster’s tentacles before they dove into the portal. The pool’s density varied from dimension to dimension, meaning that here it was a journey of mere seconds rather than entire days.

Katherine, Marcus, and Lauren found themselves abruptly reversing direction, speeding up until they surfaced in an expanse of red sand. They spent a few seconds crawling out, Lauren glaring daggers at Kat. “What the hell were you thinking?!” “Wait, what do you-” “You could’ve gotten killed! You could’ve gotten us killed! Not to mention we left without telling anyone! Who knows what could happen while we’re gone?” “Hey, I did what I had to-” “Save it! That monster is still alive, and you’ve been useless this whole time!” “Useless? How have I been useless?” “Oh, well, let me count the ways! You forgot where the base was so you were late when we were trying to discuss the lizard monster, you got infected by a zombie, you spent a week gallivanting with art terrorists while I was being mind-controlled to do who-knows-what by the Chaos Insurgency, and you did nothing to help us find Sinning Jessie!” Katherine stammered for a moment. “Gallivanting? I kept trying to convince them to let me go after you, but they kept saying we had to finish that painting for some reason! Besides, I saved you from the old man, and I fixed your nose after you got it kicked by that shapeshifter despite the fact that we left with absolutely no actual medical equipment!” “Well, whoop-de-doo, it’d be better if you hadn’t been the one to give it your DNA in the first place! Marcus, back me up here! Wait, Marcus?” The two looked over to Marcus, who was kneeling in the sand drawing something. He stood up, brandishing some kind of card covered in red sand. “Oh, I’m sorry. While you two were fighting, I was making us a Way out of here.” He pointed at the ground, where he’d drawn a series of familiar runes. “What is this?” Lauren asked. “It’s a wanderer’s library card. Fred tossed it over to me while we were running from David, but I didn’t realize what it was until after the Goatman helped us out of sloth’s pit. I was looking at the symbols and the words on the back while we were all getting ready for halloween last week, and I realized they were the same ones the Goatman used. Why do you think I was the one who dragged you in here after Kat, or didn’t have a panic attack from getting stuck in another wasteland dimension? It’s because this time, I have a plan. Now I’ve just got to open the Way.” After rereading the back of the card, he chanted, “Magna bibliotheca ad centrum omnium, aperta tibi ad me.” The Way flickered open, fluctuating in size. “Best hurry!” Marcus shouted, jumping into the portal. “Come on, you freeloader!” Lauren grabbed Katherine’s arm, dragging her through the portal a second before it closed.

“Mark, can you please explain to me why that Way almost cut our legs off?” “Sorry, Kat. It’s probably because that was my first Way. I’ve never had any practice.” “Alright, fair enough. Guess we’re just three typical, average kids lost in a library at the center of the multiverse.” “Lost? Please, me and my friends from the Serpent’s Hand journeyed all over this place while they were helping me look for you last month. Together, the five of us shattered the sword of selene over the head of a chimera, perused the bloodstained pages of the Absent Grimoire to learn the forbidden secrets of the Technumina, and encountered a dimension where they had a word rhyming with both orange and purple. That last one was weird.” “Alright, then, mr. Expert. How do we get out of here?” Lauren asked. “Eh, I’m honestly not sure. Jack was our guide, and it’s not like I got his number. Still, we should be able to find a Way home eventually.” “You’re saying we should just wander around aimlessly until we find our dimension? I thought you said you had a plan.” Lauren pointed at him accusingly. “Well, I never said it was a good plan. I didn’t exactly have time to think of one after Katherine jumped into that blood portal.” “Oh, so we’re back on this again? Look, I’m sorry. It was impulsive of me, and I haven’t been on my A-game since this whole thing started. I’ll try to be better, but right now we have to work together if we want to get out of here.” “You’re right. We can save the fighting for when we’ve got the other agents to talk sense into us. Right now, let’s get started.”


	29. the witch child

“Why’d you call us all here, Gears? Did you get another call?” Marina asked. “Of a sort. I was just recently contacted by Craig. He informed me that they lost contact with agents 3, 4, and 8 a few hours ago.” “Oh no. You mean the ones who were asking about the blood pond?” “Hold up. You sent my friends out to investigate a blood pond?” Pearl yelled, looking ready to murder King with her bare hands. “No. I specifically told them not to go there.” “Those three will do anything to protect civilians, even at their own risk.” Marina pointed out. “If they heard about something dangerous, no doubt they would’ve-” She was interrupted as the phone started to ring. “Perfect timing.” Clef growled, stalking over to pick it up. “Hello, what’s your-” His eyes grew wide with shock. “I-I see. Yes, of course we’ll be right there.” He slowly hung up the phone. “There’s a little girl performing magic in the middle of the city.” Marina smiled. “Oh, that sounds adorable! What’s got you so spooked, Clef?” “Maybe he’s the father. What D'ya say Clef? You secretly a dad?” Pearl grinned at the scientist. “What?! No, of course not!” “Well, Clef, why don’t you tell us then?” Kondraki was looking at clef with a look somewhere between joy and rage. “SCP-239 is none of their con-” “Oh really? So it’s none of their concern how you tried to murder a kid? How you practically tore apart site-17 trying to kill an 8-year old girl?” “You what?!” Pearl jumped up, trying to throttle dr. Clef. “We trusted you! We left you alone with Marcus last week, and now we find out you’re some kind of kid-killer?! Any other earth-shattering secrets we should know about?” She started glaring at the other 4 scientists. “How many of you were in on it? How many of you took his side?” “Pearl, let him go.” “What are you saying, Marina? You’d better not be taking the child-murderer’s side.” “No! No, of course not! I’m just saying, killing him won’t fix anything.” “Yeah, I know. Any of you guys taking his side on this?” “Of course not. I was there to fight Alto, and I’ll never pass up an opportunity to get one over on him.” “Oh come on, Konnie. You know as well as I do that 239 was a threat.” “No, she wasn’t, and you know it. There were procedures in place to prevent 239 from misusing her powers, and you ignored those procedures.” King refuted. “Really? Am I the only one who sees sense here?” “Looks like it.” “Affirmative.” Drs. Bright and Gears answered, as the entire group of six moved to the other side of the table, away from Clef. “Well then, I guess I’m out.” He activated the portal device, saying, “Hope you guys learn for yourselves who’s really right here.” before leaving through the portal. It deactivated a few seconds later, leaving Marina to pick up the device. “I don’t believe it.” “Believe it. Now we’ve gotta find that kid before something happens to her.” Pearl started off towards the base exit. “Wait, I should let you know that we have evidence that SCP-239 is capable of subconsciously making whatever she believes come to pass”. King warned them. “Alright, we’ll keep that in mind.” Marina agreed.

Marina wished that Clef had been more specific about where the girl was spotted. As was, the six of them had split up to search for her all over Inkopolis’s central district. “Alright, Marina, just gotta find a human in a city full of inklings and octolings.” While she was looking, she heard a high-pitched voice yell, “I cast magic missile!” Marina barely had time to dodge as white-hot plasma rocketed out of the alley, reducing the car behind her to a flaming wreck. “What-who threw that?” A little girl appeared out of the alley. “I did, evil witch.” “Hey, wait a second. I’m not an evil-” “Silence, dark sorcerer of the shadow realm! You can’t trick me! The great sorcerer Octavio told me all about you! He even gave me a picture, and told me of your mastery of the dark arts! He sent me to slay you and save this world so I may return to my own!” “Wait, wait, wait, Octavio put you up to this? You can’t trust him! He’s evil!” “Octavio told me you’d try to trick me with your silver tongue! I see right through you! I cast magic missile!” Another beam of plasma rocketed out of the girl’s outstretched palm, much too fast to dodge. Before it could burn Marina to a crisp, a pitch-black barrier appeared in front of her to dispel the blast. “Huh. that’s new.” “A-hah! Proof of your black arts, black witch of black sorcery!” “Well, that’s just unnecessary.” Before the girl could say anything else, Marina found herself surrounded in purple smoke before relocating to the top of a building. “Woah, okay, I teleported. I teleported!” She hastily pulled out her communicator, setting up a six-way call. “Guys, I found the kid at 541 crab street! Octavio convinced her I’m evil, and I think I somehow have magic powers.” “Okay, just stay there and don’t hurt her. If you can, try to avoid confrontation in general.” King instructed. The girl reappeared, floating just above the building. “Yeah, that might be tough. I’m gonna need backup.” “Foolish evil sorceress! You can’t escape me, coward! Now face me and accept your fate!” She cast another magic missile, forcing Marina to jump off the building and start floating in midair herself. “Please, stop this, 239! I don’t want to hurt you! Octavio’s just using you! Yesterday, he tried to destroy the city!” 239 stopped, her eyes getting wide with shock. “Wait. How do you know what the wizard teachers called me?” She slowly floated back down onto the roof of the building, Marina following suit. “I, uh, I’m working with some of the, uh, wizard teachers.” The girl looked at her suspiciously. “Prove it.” Marina’s communicator started beeping. “Hold on a sec, I’m getting contact from the other wizards.” King’s voice came out of the communicator. “We’re at the address. Where are you two?” “We’re coming now.” She looked back at SCP-239. “The other wizards are down on the street. They want us to come down.” “Okay. But you better not be lying.” She disappeared, bringing Marina with her. The two reappeared on the ground, facing the four scientists and Pearl. “Over council wizard Gears! Swordsman Kondraki!” The girl ran over to them, hugging Gears. “Greetings, Sigurrós. I trust you have managed to avoid involving yourself with a surplus of trouble during your stay in this dimension?” “Sigurrós? Is that your real name?” “Yeah, of course it is. How do you guys know this she-demon?” Kondraki answered, “She’s working with us. Whoever told you she was evil was lying to you.” “Wait, so you’re a good witch?” “Uh, yeah, I suppose I am.” “I’m sorry. Please don’t blast me.” Sigurrós looked like she was about to start crying. “Hey, it’s alright. Don’t worry, I’m not going to blast you.” “She’s right, kiddo.” Pearl confirmed. “Marina’s one of the best witches I know.” “So does this mean the great sorcerer Octavio was lying to me.” “Looks like it.” Bright answered. “Wait a second, Octavio is behind this?” Pearl looked ready to murder someone. “First he steals the great zapfish, then he brainwashes Callie, then he teleports a murderous demigod into a turf war stadium, and now he tricks a kid into trying to kill my best friend? That’s it. I’m killing him.” “Hey, wait, let’s not be rash here.” Marina tried to hold her back. “I get that you’re upset, but there might be a better solution than going off on your own after the most dangerous octarian in the world!” “Well, what do you suggest we do, then?” “We should wait until the others get back. We need backup.” “How long will that take? I called Sheldon while we were searching, and he said they were leading the humans to war against a giant tentacle monster that came out of the blood pool. Besides, the other agents are probably stuck in another dimension. Our group’s been spending this whole thing constantly splitting up, so what’s one more? You guys can come with me if you want, but there’s nothing you can do to stop me.” “Wait, you should listen to your friend. Even I know this is too risky.” Bright said. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I should- Gotcha! Epiphanies are for suckers!” Pearl yelled, already running towards the city borders. “I got this.” King ran back at her, activating both their transporters to teleport them back to base. “I hate tonight.” Marina activated her own transporter, the other three scientists staying behind. “Sigurrós, I have the means to return you home. I want you to step into the mystical portal I’m going to open, but I’ll have to stay here for a few more months. Do you understand?” “Of course, over council wizard Gears.” Gears activated the portal, and Sigurrós walked through it into site-17. “Glad that’s over with. Let’s hope those three haven’t killed each other yet.” Kondraki activated his transporter, Gears and Bright doing so as well. “Hey kid, you still want to go on your own?” Kondraki asked. “Nope! The captain just called, and they’re coming back from a successful peace visit.” “So, does that mean the other three are back in this dimension?” “Well, no, but apparently some guys from a group called the Serpent’s Hand are coming with them. They said they know the kids, and they’ve got knowledge of dimensional travel.” “The Serpent’s Hand are normally opposed to the foundation, but I suppose they’re our best bet this time.” King added. “Alright. Let’s hope for the best.” Marina finished.


	30. cack hard 3: revengeance: reloaded: remastered

“So, Marcus, any reason why we have to wander around here?” “Simple, Lauren. See, according to what Jack told me a couple weeks ago, Ways are like doorways between dimensions that can only be opened by skilled thaumaturgists, primarily members of the Serpent’s Hand. Most Ways are at a fixed location invisible to the naked eye, but some really skilled Wayfarers-that’s people who use ways a lot-can open temporary ones anywhere like what Jack did when David first attacked us. Sometimes, less skilled Wayfarers can open more short-lived ones using runes and incantations, like how the Goatman helped us at Sloth's Pit. Make sense?” Lauren stared at Marcus, trying to process the information. “Uh, yeah. That makes all of the sense.” “Speak for yourself.” Katherine interjected. “By the way, what do you guys think happened with David?” “You mean the guy who recruited you into Are We Cool Yet?” Marcus asked. Before anyone could answer him, they heard a psychotic laugh. “Speak of the devil, and I shall appear!” David appeared from behind them, jumping down from the top of a bookshelf. He was also brandishing a pistol covered in runes. “Snake dude!” Lauren yelled. “What are you doing here?” Marcus asked. Kat finished, “How are you not a corpse?” “Katherine, you insult me. Did you really not think I could escape the serpent’s hand while they were distracted? After that, I’ve been roaming the Wanderer’s Library in the hopes you would return and rejoin Are We Cool Yet?. With your artistic skill, we can finally break the masquerade.” “Sorry, man. Not interested.” Katherine snarled. “By the way, is that a magic gun? Where’d you purchase that?” “Oh, this little thing? I bought it from MC&D a few weeks before you joined us. It cost me my own house, but it was worth it for the superior technology!” He abruptly shouted, firing a magic blast at the three. They dove to the ground, leaving the shot to explode behind them, setting part of a bookshelf on fire. “Okay Kat, you want to be useful to the team? Draw the runes, say the spell, and open the Way.” Marcus gave her the Wanderer’s Library card before he and Lauren ran at David, simultaneously punching him in the face. He stumbled back, firing at the inklings again. They each dodged to one side, getting knocked back down by the blast. Marcus tried to get up, only for David to step on his back, pointing the gun at his head. “I win.” He half-whispered. Marcus just grinned. “Sure about that, buddy?” He turned into his squid form, causing David to lose his balance while Lauren jumped on his back, knocking him to the ground. They heard Katherine calling from behind the bookshelf, “Guys it’s ready! Hurry up!” Hastily, Lauren got off of David to follow Marcus around the corner, where Katherine was struggling to concentrate on maintaining a Way a few feet in front of them. “No seriously, I can’t keep this up much longer.” “Good work, Kat!” Lauren congratulated her, all three of them jumping through the Way. David had no time to catch up before the Way closed, but he saw the Wanderer’s Library card had fallen to the floor.

“Alright, good work team.” Kat said, smiling despite how tired she was. “Good work? Kat, that was great! I can’t believe I treated you like garbage earlier.” Lauren looked at the ground, devastated. “It’s fine. I think the stress of all this might be getting to you.” Katherine responded. “Ya think?” “Hey, it’s great that you two are friends again. Now, if you’re done making out, can we address the fact that we’re back in a foundation site?” Marcus gestured around them, where they recognized the familiar metal walls bearing the SCP logo. “Oh no. No no no no no no no no.” Lauren started panicking, looking for a way out. “I am not getting my mouth burnt again!” They heard a tinny, robotic voice cackling. “There is no escape! So say I, the dreaded Princess Priscilla Pie!” While the three agents tried to find the source of the bizarre threat, a Way opened behind them. David came through, holding the torn-up halves of the Wanderer’s Library card. “Did you honestly think you three could escape me? No way out this time.” He threw the card pieces on the ground. “What is that thing?” He was pointing behind them at a 3-foot metal robot, with a poor balance and what looked like a permanent smile on its upside down voltmeter face. “Tremble before my infinite might, mortals! For I am Deathkill the Destructinator, the instrument of your destruction!” Marcus and Lauren went over to the robot, while Katherine engaged David. She turned into her octopus form to dodge his laser blast, which left a harmless mark on a wall. She turned back into a humanoid and kicked the gun out of David’s hand. Katherine tried to punch David, only for him to hold her fist and start squeezing it. “I’ve got a spare.” She said, using her other fist to sock David in the gut. While he was holding his stomach, Kat slapped him across the face. “How can something so cute be so painful?” “A year of being a secret agent might have something to do with it. Course, it helps you’re just a pretentious fop with no real combat experience who hides behind his weapons.” “Ya really think so, Kathy?” David jumped at Katherine, who turned into an octopus to allow David to knock himself face-first on the floor. When he looked up with a small gash on his forehead, he saw Marcus and Lauren staring at the little robot, which had fallen to the floor and was now declaring, “How dare you? Hoist me up so that I, Castratinator, may bring death upon you!” “You know, this guy isn’t exactly what I expect from an evil robot.” Marcus pointed out, picking up the robot. “Hey, little buddy, what’s your name?” “Unhand me, mortal! I am the glorious Pesterbot, and I will not stand for this humiliation!” David ran away, opening a Way and shouting, “This is not over! Squids!” before jumping through and closing the portal. “Great. Now what do we do?” Marcus asked. “I never memorized the card, so now that it’s destroyed, we’ve got no way out of this universe.” “I’m so sorry. I-I can’t believe I dropped the card. How could I-” Katherine started breaking down, while Lauren tried to reassure her. “Hey, listen. You opened the Way and got David off our backs. Dropping the card was an honest mistake, and I shouldn’t have blown up at you back at the blood pool.” “No, no, you were right. I’m-” “An agent. That’s what you are. More importantly, you’re my best friend. I’m sure if we find a way out of this facility, we can figure out some other way back to our universe.” “Not a bad plan, but how do we get out in the first place?” Marcus’s question was answered by a human running down the hall towards them, the left half of his face bearing bright red burn scars. Pursuing him was a 10-foot-tall humanoid made entirely out of some sort of soft, red substance. The clay man picked up the scientist, tossing him towards the teenagers and Pesterbot. He got up, muttering to himself, “What was I thinking, putting 705 through 914 on very fine? Holy hell, I’m drunk.” “Dude, what are you talking about? What was that thing?” Lauren asked. The man answered her, “705, the militaristic play doh. I decided it’d be fun to stick it into the transformation machine on the highest setting, but, well-” He was interrupted by 705 knocking a hole in a nearby wall, going through a room until it escaped the facility. Marcus, Lauren, Katherine, and the human left Pesterbot struggling to get itself off the floor in favor of investigating the room the clay giant had evidently decided was in desperate need of drive-through service. Inside was a man in a black cloak wearing what appeared to be a stark white mask with a long, sharp beak. “SCP-049. The plague doctor. How are ya, buddy?” “Oh for the love of... Are you drunk again, doctor Cimmerian?” The masked man held his head in what the other three could only assume was disappointment. “Shut it, plaguey. I’m not-” The man was briefly interrupted by his own very drunk-sounding hiccup. “I’m not drunk. Hey, where’s your kid?” Cimmerian looked around the room. “Wait, this dude has a kid?” Katherine’s answer came in the form of a half-sized version of the plague doctor charging at her bearing a rather large and pointy stick. “I am the cure!” “Wait wha-” The smaller copy jumped up, whacking her on the face with the stick. “Ow! Dude! Ow. Ow. Ow.” The plague doctor ran over, trying to pull its offspring off the octoling. “Ugh. Thanks, man.” Katherine got up, rubbing a small blunt-force cut on her forehead. “I apologize for my son’s behavior. I’ve been trying to teach him to be a proper doctor-” “Let me go daddy! I wanna cure her! I am most effective!” “-To varying degrees of success.” The doctor finished, holding his still-struggling son. “Well now, what really matters is...” Cimmerian trailed off. “Huh. What was it again?” “Uh, hello? Giant clay dude? Tore through the wall? Ring any bells?” Marcus pointed to the gap in SCP-049’s cell. “Oh, right, that. Well the thing about that is-” Cimmerian was interrupted once again by a loud “CACK!”, followed by another voice calling, “Get back here, you damn bird!” A corncrake flew into the cell, landing on 049’s shoulder. Marcus recognized the bird and immediately started backing up. “No, not you again. Get that bird the hell away from me before my ears start bleeding again!” Not paying attention to where he was going, Marcus tripped over the Pesterbot, causing him to fall on the ground next to it. “I see you have fallen in fear of I, Prime Minister Sinister. Perhaps if you grovel at my feet, I will make your death swift and painless as I rip your soul from your flesh.” “Not in the mood right now, dude.” Marcus got back to his feet, seeing another foundation scientist pursuing the bird. “Spanko, get back here or I swear- Oh, for the love of… Cimmerian, what did you do this time?” Cimmerian sighed, “You crash the foundation servers for a week by sending too many emails at once one time and suddenly you’ve got a reputation. What makes you think I did this?” “Well, did you?” “Yes.” The other man sighed. “Okay, now one more thing. Mind explaining to me why there’s three kids here with Pesterbot, Spanko, the plague doctors, and a massive hole in the wall?” “Oh, well, see, that’s actually a very funny story. The hole came from someone who wasn’t me putting 705 through 914-” “Because of course you did.” The other guy put his head in his hands. “Now what’s the deal with...” He gestured towards the three teens. Marcus stepped forward. “It’s simple, really. See, we’re actually from another dimension. We were contained in one of your sites a while ago, but you must not have got the memo before we escaped. Speaking of which, any way you can help us leave this universe?” The other doctor thought for a moment. “Alright, I’ll cut you a deal. I’ll send the three of you out with the nearby SCPs to recapture 705. If you succeed, I’ll give you a dimensional portal generator.” “Thanks, man. But why do we have to go with these idiots?” Kat gestured around her at the robot struggling on the floor, the plague doctor holding his stick-waving miniature duplicate, and the very loud bird. “Truth be told, I hate all of them and just want them off my back for an hour or two.” The man pulled some headphones out of his pocket and tossed them at the three. “Take these headphones that I have on me for some reason. They’ll make SCP-2337 tolerable while still allowing you to hear everything else. Don’t question it, just go with it.” The three agents put on the headphones, Marcus turning to dr. Spanko. “Say something, bird.” “CACK! AM COMPLICATE ACROSS THE STATE! ESSEEPEE STEVEN NOTHING CINCO DE MAYONNAISE OUT BUST FROM FLORIDEE TO FLORIDARE!” “Well, I have no idea what he’s saying, but the volume’s a lot better.” Marcus agreed. “Alright, now all that’s left to do is get out and recapture the clay man.” Kat gestured towards the newly-created wall. “Here’s my car keys.” Cimmerian tossed them over to Lauren. “Thanks, man. Kat, take the robot. The rest of you, follow us. We’ve got to find that thing before it causes any damage.” “Got it.” Katherine picked up the small, misshapen machine. “Unhand me, peon! I am the dreaded Patheticon the Garglemost, and I will not stand for this humiliation!” “Yeah, life’s tough all over, buddy.” Katherine, Marcus, Lauren, the Plague Doctor, his son, Spanko, and Pesterbot walked out of the wall to pursue SCP-705.

Researcher Zyn Kiryu held her head in her hands, groaning for several seconds. “Doctor Cimmerian, am I to understand that you stuck SCP-705 through SCP-914 on the very fine setting-without authorization, I might add-thereby resulting in a harmless safe-class turning into a potential keter that managed to escape the facility?” “Well, yes, but in my defense I was drunk.” “Very well. Now, dr. Hamm, is it true that you sent 3 non-human teenagers out to pursue 705 along with 049, 049-j, 1370, and 2337, thereby instigating a mass containment breach of five known SCPs and 3 as-yet undiscovered SCPs?” “Now that’s not entirely true. I’m also pretty sure the three teenagers were from an alternate universe.” “Oh for the love of...How do you two still have jobs? Nevermind, I’m going to the employee lounge to get drunk.” “I’m afraid I drank all the alcohol, ms. Kiryu.” “I-but-Cimmerian, there were at least a dozen bottles of liquor in there!” “Yeah, I’m surprised I managed to restrain myself like that too.”

Lauren saw that Cimmerian’s car had an open driver’s seat window before running to the other side, sliding her hand across the hood to get leverage, and briefly turning into a squid just long enough to easily fit through the window onto the seat. “Was that at all necessary?” Marcus asked, climbing in the back with the SCPs. “Nope, but I’ve always wanted to do that.” She admitted while turning on the car. “Fair enough.” “Hey, wait a sec.” Kat asked, getting in shotgun with Pesterbot. “Why do you get to drive?” “Because you two are too young, Spanko’s a bird, Pesterbot would probably crash this thing either on accident or on purpose, the plague doctor creeps me out, and I don’t trust his son to not try to pop a wheelie in this thing.” “Foolish girl! Doom Master thirteen seventy, Master of all Doom, always crashes on purpose!” “Okay, yeah, I see your point. But do you even have a license?” Lauren just shrugged, grinning. “Well, no, but how hard could it be?” She looked down at the dashboard and pedals. “Now, which one’s the gas?” “I believe it’s the-” 049 started, only to be interrupted. “No, wait, I think it’s this one.” She stomped on the right pedal, causing the car to start rocketing forward. Despite being knocked back into the seat from the g-force, Lauren somehow managed to turn the wheel in circles until the car had spun around a half-dozen times before finally departing down the street. “Okay, Lauren, we haven’t been on the road for 5 minutes and I’m pretty sure you’ve already broken about a dozen laws. Why don’t you give one of us the wheel before you get us all killed?” Marcus suggested. “Oh please. I’m just a bit inexperienced, that’s all.” “Yes! Crash! Burn! Kill all you pathetic flesh-sacks!” SCP-1370 tried to reach the steering wheel while being held back by Katherine, who yelled, “Wait, I thought I was supposed to be the impulsive one! Wait a sec, if the car crashes, won’t you be killed too?” “Nonsense! Invincitron the Invincinator is invincible!” “Figures.” “CACK! ESSEEPEE NOTHING CONNECT FOUR GERMAN NO VERY UN-SINBAD DRIVE-MAN!” “Why don’t you let me drive?” O49-j asked.“Son, you’re too young to drive. Also, you’re an idiot.” “No I’m not. My cure is most effective.” “Your ‘cure’ amounts to whacking people on the head when they so much as sneeze. How am I supposed to believe you won’t whack the dashboard?” “Well, isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?” 049 didn’t answer, only sighing. “Guys, look!” Marcus pointed in front of the car, where 705 had turned the corner and was picking up a car off the street. “We have to get out of here!” Lauren slammed the brakes, causing the car to skid to a halt before the inklings, octoling, bird, robot, and plague doctors fled. The clay giant threw the car, the two vehicles colliding behind them and knocking them to the ground. “I can’t feel my anything. Is that a bad sign?” Lauren groaned. “Don’t worry. I will cure you. My cure is most effective.” SCP-049-j held his stick in the air as Lauren hastily sat up. “No no no, that won’t be necessary. I-I’m good.” “Are you sure? My cure is-” “-Most effective, yeah, I got that. No need.” “Boy, what have I told you about whacking people with your stick?” The smaller doctor thought for a brief moment. “To do it hard and fast?” 049 simply placed his beaked face in his hands. “Oh dr. Hamm...What fresh new horror have we wrought upon this world?” “Hey, guys, where’s he going?” Marcus pointed at SCP-705, which was headed towards a building. “It would appear he is heading towards the play-doh factory. If he gets inside, he could grow exponentially.” 049 answered. “What?! Why is there a play-doh factory in the first place?” Kat shouted. “It hardly matters! I, the Mayor of Mayhem, shall ally myself with the beast and assume control of this wretched world!” “Alright buddy, you wanna get closer to him? Wish granted!” Katherine picked up the robot and chucked it at the play-doh man, knocking it to the ground. “Nice one! Now’s our chance everyone!” Marcus called out. “My cure is most effective.” the doctor’s son ran at the clay giant, trying to whack it with his stick. The giant had already gotten back up, so it just looked at him, confused, before slapping him away. The doctor’s son landed near the rest of the group about 20 feet away. “Was I most effective?” “No, son, you were pathetic as always. Allow me to demonstrate the proper procedure.” 049 simply walked up to 705 and started to touch it. “Strange. This being must not be infected with the pestilence. Which means my cure...oh no.” The doctor realized, horrified, before the clay man grabbed him and slammed him into the ground, leaving a small crater. “CACK! ESSEEPEE STEVEN NOTHING CINCO DE MAYO WILL O THE WISP NAUGHT PROVOKE DAMNATION AGES UPON ESSEEPEE TWO THREE THREE AND STEVEN’S COMRADE!” The call was so loud that the three agents had to cover their ears despite still having the headphones on, the clay giant started rippling, and several windows and cars exploded from the sound waves. “Of course! It’s the perfect plan!” Marcus picked up dr. Spanko and ordered him. “Cack, man! Cack hard!” the bird opened its mouth, yelling “CACK!” loud enough to send Marcus rocketing backwards. The rest of the group was knocked upwards from the sheer force of the sound while 705 melted into a pile of play-doh and a massive crater was left in the pavement. “Did we win?” Marcus groaned, his ears ringing even through the headphones. “I think so.” Kat responded. “Now all we have to do is figure out some way to get these jokers back to the facility and then hopefully they can get us back to our own universe.” As she finished talking, a Way opened in front of them. “David!” Kat brandished her dualies, ready for a fight. Instead, four others walked out of the Way. “Guys! What’re you doing here?” Marcus called over to Dana, Troy, Fred, and Jack. “Well, none of us are sure how, but we somehow found ourselves in your dimension. Your friends told us you three had gotten lost in another dimension, so we’ve been looking for you in several universes.” Fred explained. “Speaking of which, why didn’t you return using the card I gave you?” “Uh, yeah, sorry. I dropped it, and David broke it.” Kat admitted. “Fair enough. I knew we shouldn’t have let him escape so easily. By the way, what happened here?” Troy gestured to the wreckage all around them-the section of road reduced to a crater, windows shattered, cars reduced to burning wrecks, a pile of clay near three SCPs knocked to the ground. “It’s a long story that definitely has nothing to do with my driving.” Lauren answered. “Yeah, sure.” Dana replied. They then heard the sirens of both police cars and foundation vehicles. “Come on, they can take care of this.” Jack led the group through the Way back to the agents’ home dimension.


	31. the chat logs of agent 4

(Agent 4> I’m at the warehouse. This the place?12:00 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 2> Depends. Address?12:01 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 4> 215 barnacle rd.12:01 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 2> That’s the one. You remember the mission, right?12:02 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 4> Stop the octarian loyalists from building a bomb.12:02 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 2> That’s it.12:02 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 4> By the way, where’s 1 and 3?12:03 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 2> Agent 1 is trying to locate the captain and agent 3. Last I heard, they were going on a mission somewhere. I haven’t heard from them in a while.12:05 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 4> I’m sure they’re fine. Going in now.12:05 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 2> Affirmative.12:06 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 4> Mission accomplished.12:16 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 2> Good work, agent 4. Any injuries?12:16 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 4> Nope; went off without a hitch.12:17 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 1> Guys, good news. Cap and 3 just got back from some place called the Deepsea Metro, and apparently they’ve got a new recruit.12:19 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 4> Deepsea Metro? You guys ever hear of that?12:20 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 1> Nope.12:20 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 2> Beats me.12:20 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 8> Hey, is this the right message thing? 3 let me borrow her communicator, and set up a separate chat log for me.12:21 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 4> Hey, newbie. You’ve got the right one. Any reason why you’re agent 8, though? Shouldn’t you be agent 5?12:21 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 8> The old man said it was a good nickname for me.12:22 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 4> Old man?12:22 AM; 8/31/20

(agent 3> She means the captain.12:23 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 4> Makes sense. 8, you coming to the base?12:23 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 8> Yeah, 3 said she’d take me on a tour of the headquarters.12:24 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 4> It’ll be a great 5 minutes.12:24 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 8> Five minutes?12:24 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 4>Nah, I’m just kidding. It’ll probably last more like 3 minutes.12:25 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 8>The captain said you guys were the best militia group in the city!12:25 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 4> We’re also the only militia group in the city.12:26 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 8> Oh. Are you going to be there?12:26 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 4> I just got done with a mission, actually. I’ll try to be there, but don’t wait for me. Here’s my number: (529) 280-202512:26 AM; 8/31/20

(agent 3> Here’s mine. (529) 202-280512:26 AM; 8/31/20

(Agent 8> Cool. I don’t have a phone yet, but we’re on our way right now.12:27 AM; 8/31/20

(New friend> 8’s asleep, and I’m guessing 1 and 2 have gone to bed by now. I want to tell you something, but I need you to keep an open mind. There’s a reason I’m contacting your private cell. By the way, name’s Lauren1:30 AM; 8/31/20

(Marcus> I’m just staying up late watching movies. Shoot. Name’s Marcus, for the record.1:30 AM; 8/31/20

(Lauren> Agent 8 is an octoling.1:32 AM; 8/31/20

(Marcus> What? I thought octolings were evil!1:34 AM; 8/31/20

(Lauen> So did I, but turns out there’s a lot going on in Octo Valley that we missed. From what Marina told me, a ton of octolings abandoned the place after hearing the Calamari Inkantation a couple years back. Turns out that song really does have strange powers. Agent 8 heard the inkantation and somehow got into the Deepsea Metro. Me and Cap found her while we were scouting for octarian loyalists, ironically enough. After that, some stuff happened, and she decided to join up with us. I saw her fighting first hand, and she’s honestly not half bad.1:40 AM; 8/31/20

(Marcus> Hold up, are you saying Marina’s an octoling? I thought that was just a hairstyle.1:42 AM; 8/31/20

(Lauren> Yeah, turns out the octolings thought there’d be trouble if we suddenly found out they weren’t extinct. Considering their leader stole the great zapfish, not to mention everything that happened a hundred years ago, I can’t say I blame them.1:44 AM; 8/31/20

(Marcus> So you’re telling me that there’s hundreds of octolings running around Inkopolis right under our noses, but we never bothered to notice because we all chalked it up to funky hairstyles.1:46 AM; 8/31/20

(Lauren> Yeah, pretty much. Of course, it’s apparently been happening almost as long as I’ve been living in this city, so I think by now we can trust them.1:47 AM; 8/31/20

(Marcus> Fair point. I’ve seen Marina on the news, and she doesn’t really strike me as someone secretly trying to destroy everything we hold dear.1:48 AM; 8/31/20

(Lauren> So, you gonna be at the base to give 8 the tour? We’re only a half hour away, and it’d be nice to finally meet you instead of just texting.1:49 AM; 8/31/20

(Marcus> Yeah, I’ll be there waiting when you guys get there.1:50 AM; 8/31/20

(Lauren> I think we’re going to have the base to ourselves tonight. You thinking what I’m thinking?1:51 AM; 8/31/20

(Marcus> We pull an all-nighter to welcome the new girl?1:51 AM; 8/31/20

(Lauren> You got it. There’s a TV in the base, just so you know.1:52 AM; 8/31/20

(Marcus> Say no more. I’ve got weeks worth of movies and video games.1:52 AM; 8/31/20

(Lauren> I like your style, new guy. See you in a few.1:52 AM; 8/31/20

(Marcus> I’ll start packing. Wait a second, I just realized I never got agent 8’s real name.1:53 AM; 8/31/20

(Lauren> Her name’s Katherine.1:53 AM; 8/31/20

(Marcus> Cool. Hanging up now.1:53 AM; 8/31/20

(Lauren> Same. See you soon, Mark.1:54 AM; 8/31/20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was way harder than it should've been to post, but I think I've got the formatting right. The next two chapters will also have different formats as well as being prequels focusing on a specific agent, then we'll be back to our regularly scheduled SCP shenanigans starting July 18th.


	32. the journeys of agent 8

My name is Katherine. I am an octarian soldier. The one who calls herself agent 3 is currently invading my territory. No, not mine. This is lord Octavio’s territory. I’m just the one in charge of safeguarding this one section. It’s time to do my job.  
(YEAH, GET MOVING #212,836. TRY NOT TO FAIL ME, WILL YOU? IF YOU DO, AGENT 3 WON’T SPARE YOU.>]]  
I see agent 3 just below my lookout post. I send about a dozen or so of my soldiers to fight her, but they barely give her a challenge. By the time she’s done knocking them all out, She only needs a few moments to recharge herself. I’ll have to get the drop on her before she’s ready.  
(HURRY UP, WILL YOU? AGENT 3 HAS ALREADY INVADED DOZENS OF MY FAVE BASES, AND I WILL NOT TOLERATE HER TAKING ANY MORE OF THEM.>  
I’ve always found it strange how lord Octavio constantly talks in urban slang, but no matter. He is my master, and the leader of all octarians. Agent 3 has already seen me coming, and is now readying her weapon. It looks vaguely like an octoshot, but clearly more focused on aesthetic than efficiency. Even so, agent 3 has already proven to be more than skilled enough with it to make up for its flaws. I turn into my octopus form and dive into the ink set up by my soldiers, but the invader has already noticed me. The ink fired from her weapon encroaches on my hiding spot, forcing me to turn back into a humanoid. While transforming, I try to kick her, but she dodges almost without effort. I repeatedly dive in and out of my own subordinates’ ink, constantly dodging the enemy fire. After what feels like hours, she finally runs out of ink. With my enemy out of ammo, she turns into a squid and goes into her own puddle of the stuff, trying to recharge. With her distracted, I can find her trying to camouflage. I grab her by one of her tentacles and lift her out. I assume she’s surprised since she doesn’t bother transforming back. I drop her from my hand and kick her into a nearby wall before she can hit the floor. Agent 3 slams her back into the wall, turning back into her humanoid form from the sheer force of the impact. Before she can regain her bearings, I’ve already thrown my octoshot at her head. Momentarily blinded by the hard metal hitting her head, she can’t do anything as I grab her by the throat and start choking her. She tries to say something, but can only sputter as I stare into her terrified eyes, connected by a black stripe not present on us octolings. I might feel sorry for her if she hadn’t killed so many of my brethren, the pathetic little thing. However, I realize too late that I’m too focused on choking agent 3. She manages to grab her weapon from nearby and smack me on the head with it. Her arms are too weak and tired, but while I try to take the thing out of her hands she uses the opportunity to crawl out from under me.  
(YOU USELESS IDIOT! HOW DARE YOU FAIL ME! IF YOU SURVIVE AND AGENT 3 ACTUALLY MANAGES TO STEAL THE GREAT ZAPFISH FROM US, THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES!>  
I try to catch her, but she must be hopped up on adrenaline to be moving as fast as she is. She’s got a limp and stumbling like her vision still hasn’t recovered, but I’ve lost track of where my octoshot landed after I threw it. By the time I find it, agent 3 has already made it to the zapfish I was guarding. I try to catch up to her, but it’s too late. She shoots the containment tube until it breaks, allowing her to grab the small creature. I hear her say, exhausted, into some sort of communication device, “Agent 1, ow, agent 2, zapfish secured, ow. Requesting immediate extraction and medical treatment.” A second later, before I can get close enough to neutralize the threat and take back the zapfish, the coward gets herself teleported back to whatever base of operations she’s been working out of for the past month.  
(YOU’RE A DISGRACE, YOU KNOW THAT?>  
It’s been a day since I allowed the enemy to escape me, despite how I clearly overpowered her. If the great zapfish is stolen today, then lord Octavio will see plenty of reason to use the respawn generators we have set up all over our bases. Me and thousands of my fellow octarians gather in the stands at our main base, an absolutely massive coliseum that more resembles a concert hall than a government headquarters. Agent 3 bursts in, the whelp. If she could barely escape from me, then what chance could she have against the mighty lord Octavio?  
(SHE STANDS NO CHANCE. I AM THE GREATEST BEING EVER, AND NO UPSTART LITTLE INKLING IS GOING TO CHALLENGE MY MAGNIFICENCE AND GET AWAY WITH IT!>  
We all cheer, thousands upon thousands of us, as our leader rises from his private chambers below, now riding in the mech he’s been building for years in preparation of the day this grand battle will come.  
(AND ONCE THIS IS DONE WITH, THE GREAT ZAPFISH WILL BE OURS FOREVER! SOON ENOUGH, THERE WON’T BE ANYTHING STOPPING US FROM TAKING THE SURFACE THEY DENIED US FOR 100 YEARS!>  
A few minutes into the battle, the music coming out of lord Octavio’s mech changes. Instead of the hypnotic, rhythmic beats we’re all used to, the tempo speeds up and the pitch becomes higher, with electronic-sounding instrumentals throughout. Me, and I suspect many of my peers, begin to question whether we’re really doing the right thing here. After all, lord Octavio was the only one of us to actually experience the events of 100 years ago. How can we be certain he’s been truthful of what happened, that the octarians had no time to fight back as the cruel inklings drove our ancestors underground? Or did the courageous octarians fight tooth and nail to defend our rightful land? I’ve never really taken the time to consider how contradictory our history has always been. I’m so caught up in my thoughts that I barely notice when agent 3 manages to knock one last bomb back, finally destroying the very mech that launched it. I’m not sure whether to cheer or scream while agent 3 teleports with our ruler back to her home base. It seems everyone else is of a similar disposition, considering the entire room, as far as I can tell, is filled with silence.  
(REVENGE>  
It’s been 2 years since I left Octo Valley, and I can scarcely remember anything about my old life. I’ve somehow managed to get lost on my way to the surface, and I think I’m in some sort of subway system. After several hours of wandering around aimlessly, I see two inklings coming toward me. One is an old man, leaning on a cane. The other looks vaguely familiar, but I can’t quite place her. The teenager runs towards me, and before I know it, we’re fighting to what I can only assume is death.  
(YOU ARE IN MY DOMAIN NOW>  
The fight is a blur, and I can barely tell what either of us are doing in the darkness. At some point, I’m pretty sure I get knocked unconscious.  
(WELCOME TO THE METRO>  
By the time I wake up, the old man is standing over me and the young girl is nowhere to be seen. He introduces himself as captain Craig Cuttlefish, and tells me we should team up to escape. I agree, and we start walking through the subway.  
(YES. COME TO ME.>  
After several hours of getting nowhere fast, me and the old man find a strange-looking telephone, with what looks like a makeshift face on it.  
(AH. ANOTHER ONE.>  
The phone gives me some sort of card and device, which it tells me I’ll need to reach some place called the “promised land”. Me and the old man get onto a train, which is filled with eldritch creatures. A small blue slug-like creature approaches us, wearing a tiny little conductor’s hat. He introduces himself as C. Q.Cumber, and tells me I have to pass some tests to get to the promised land.  
(YES. FIND WHAT YOU SEEK. PLAY RIGHT INTO MY HANDS.>  
I spend somewhere around a month wandering around the Deepsea Metro, using the device the phone gave me to navigate with the train. Eventually, I’ve found 4 objects the phone told me to seek out. The phone asks if I’m ready to enter the promised land, and of course I answer “Yes.”  
(GOOD. THE END IS NIGH.>  
Electrical sparks burst out of the phone, and it starts floating along with the four objects I’ve collected. When they’re done, a large device stands in front of me and the old man, the phone on top of it. We both get inside, too excited to notice that it’s a giant blender.  
(NOW YOU WILL BE ADDED TO THE MASS, TEST SUBJECT 10,008. YOU WILL CONTRIBUTE TO THE CLEANSING OF THE WORLD.>  
Marina and Pearl have been communicating with us from the surface since I got here, but now they can’t do anything to help us. When the blender is about to kill us, there’s the sound of glass shattering above us, and the next thing we know the blender has fallen over. Me and the old man get out, and I recognize the girl I saw with him last month. She’s unconscious and wearing a tattered old cape, and the old man calls her agent 3. The name sounds slightly familiar, but I can’t remember why and we’ve got more important things to worry about. The old man tells me to go ahead of him and the girl, that they’ll catch up. I obey, and start fighting my way to the surface.  
(Y̴O̶U̴ ̴W̸I̶L̷L̴ ̷N̴O̷T̸ ̷E̷S̸C̵A̷P̵E̶>  
After an hour of sneaking around, fighting enemy soldiers, and navigating my way through this gauntlet, I finally manage to reunite with the old man and agent 3. He’s somehow managed to get himself tied up under some sort of floating platform, and agent 3 has a pile of green slime all over one side of her face.

(S̵̨̡̥̮̗͚͓̬̗̲͍̮̳̦̫̯̞͕̹̯̟̿͊̀ͅͅH̶͉͌E̵̡̧̢̧̺̭̭͇͚͎̲̲̠̺͕̰̤̣̣͔̣̳͛͋̌͆͊͐̈́̕͘ͅ ̵̨̨̪̹̼̞͈̝̼̠͍͓̖͓͇͈͓̝̾Ĥ̷̢͍̝̭͊͋̐͆̓̌͑̑̄͗̈́͌̔̉̿̋̕̚͘̚͜͜ͅA̴̲͂͂̊Ş̷͚̞͙̹̝̫͉̖̠̲͓͓̪̞̭̜͛̾̕͜ͅ ̸͈̳͛̅B̶̧̡̨̢̡̨̢̛̛̬̗̥̰̮̞̺͇̲͖͍͚̠̬̲̋̊̌̋̈́̊̓́͑̈̄̚̕Ę̵̧̹̻̤̘̹̣̳͔̲͙̫̣̹̩̗̱̺̘͛̎̃̀͜͝Ȩ̴̛̛͖͎̦͕̗̫̮̜̯̭̝̼̪̥̪̞͖͕̯̱̣͖́̒̌̑̑̌̉̌̓̓̈́͋̒͛͂̚͘͘͝Ņ̷͈͚̖̭̫̻̫̭̼͓̯̙̻̋̈́͊̑̾̈̆̍͜ ̴̨̡̜̙̰͍͇̠̹̤̘͇̼̘̏̀̅̊̂̈͐͂́̐͆̅̽͑͑͘͝͝͝͝ͅC̶̨͖͖͍̦̹̝̦̰̼͓̠͇̱͓̫̹̮͐͋̍̈́̔͒̀L̶̤͎̰̘̒̅́̈̀́́̕͝͠ͅE̵̛͕̝͈͍̮͒̑̔̒̊̄̑̎̍́̕͝Ḁ̶̢̖̦̺̫͇̭͎͔͔͕͎̝͇̤̈́͂̌̈́̊̅̀͂̌͒̈́͐̿͗̽͗͘͠Ň̵̢̳̻͍̞̹̦̲̦̝̜̹͍̼̠͓̝̺͊͒͐Ş̵̡̡̢͈̺̜͔̝̗͍̳̯̺̱͈̻͔͍̀͋͊͜ͅE̸̜͔̳̪̳̘̠̼̼̻̬̬͖̹̘͛̑̾̓̐̊͛͗̿̈͠͠ͅD̴̮̣͈̟͉̍̈́̓͆̓͛̂̆̋̽̃̀.̸̢̧̡̣͇̠̯̫̗͉̬̪̞͕̳̍̑̓̓̆̈́̿͒̎̈́̍̃̊̈́̎͜͜͠ͅ ̵̛̰̣̹̪̝̖̗̻̳̾̀̊̌̽̒̊ͅA̷̢̛͈̩̻͕͐̽̓̾̊͆͛̎͗̐̾̑̕̚̚̕͝S̶̡̢̨͔̱̥͍͖͎̗̼̭͖̝̬̤̦̱͂͐̊͌͗͆͗̒͛̔̕͝ ̵̧̨̢̹͍̺̰̻̭͙̤͖̳̔͊̔̈́̃͌͂̉̽̈̌͘͠͠ͅW̵̡̪̹͕̯̖̘͇̞̲͕̫̲̤̭̯̉̀͑͐͗̏́̑̃̒̄̇̃͊͛̊͊̒̉́̄͘͜͝Ḭ̵͉̜͖̈́̐͗̿̐̉̇̋̉̈̆͒̄͝Ḽ̸̡̡̬̳̦̹̩̙͈̰͉͔̯̀̋͂̅͗̔̎̎͐̓̇̂̈́̋͝͝L̴̡̛̺̳̪͈̯͂̿̒́̋͒͒͐͌̐̋̈̃͌̈́̑̓̕̚ ̶̢̻̟̮̭͎̦̯̳͕̟̟̘̠̀̓́̾͐̔̀̉̓̐̎̔̑̾͂͜͜ͅY̶̡̨̯̰̼̥̣̺̣̱̥̻̫̞͎̬͒̈̃̾̈̓̾̅̽́͒͊̿̐̃͐̑̚͘͝Ȏ̷̟̭̰̲̼̰̗͎̮͕̪͆̓̐̐͑̽̈́̈͒̑̈́̀͗͊͝͝Ừ̸̙̹̣͔̮̩̘͎̭̟̄>

The girl attacks me out of nowhere, and I just barely manage to get out of the way of her initial barrage. We engage in a shootout for several minutes, neither of us gaining the upper hand. At some point, I manage to knock her back to the platform she started on. When she returns, she’s encased herself in some kind of plastic sphere. I try to destroy it, but she apparently activates some sort of self-destruct mechanism on the thing, causing it to explode into a pile of corrosive green sludge. She launches a target-seeking explosive-an autobomb, they’re called-at me, followed by several more. I manage to shoot most of them so they harmlessly explode feet in front of me, but the last one comes at me before I can refill my ink tank. Agent 3 tackles me, pinning me to a nearby post, one of the two small cubes jutting above this otherwise featureless white arena. I can see her eyes close up now, glowing green with no emotion in them whatsoever. I kick at her, actually managing to get her to release me. I follow up by punching her in the face and stomach before kicking her in the chest, knocking her down. The girl retreats back to the floating platform holding the old man, who tells me not to hold back. She activates some sort of laser weapon, forcing me to hide behind the taller of the two structures. I cover the side with my ink, allowing me to turn into my octopus form and swim to the top. I pull out a splat bomb and throw it at agent 3. The small, pyramid-shaped capsule explodes right next to her, covering her in my own purple ink. I toss two more her way, forcing her to return to the arena. She runs at me, shooting a salvo of green slime at me. It’s not ink, but some sort of corrosive substance that smells of rotted corpses. The stuff burns to the touch, but somehow agent 3 has a pile of it on her face-probably a specialized version of the stuff designed specifically for mind-control. She jumps at me, roundhouse kicking me right in the face. I hold my bloodied nose in one hand and my weapon in the other, stumbling towards the edge of the arena. Agent 3 tosses her weapon at me, striking the hand holding my octoshot. Both our weapons fall into the abyss below, while I yelp in pain from the impact to my hand. I recover as quickly as I can, rushing over to my enemy. I try to fight her hand-to-hand, but she blocks all my strikes while managing to get some hits in herself. I run away behind one of the structures, turning into an octopus to camouflage in my ink. Agent 3 tries to pursue me, but I’ve already moved directly behind her. I jump out of the ink and revert to my humanoid form, grabbing the cape. I start tugging at the tattered ends, causing agent 3 to grasp wildly at her own throat as it’s constricted by her accessory. After half a minute, I let go, knocking her unconscious by slamming her face into the hard metal floor. In the process, I knock the sludge off of her face. I untie the old man, and he tries to pick up agent 3. He’s too weak, of course, so that falls to me-we don’t have time to wait for her to wake up again; no doubt the phone will still be after us.

(P̴̢̨̟̙̬͉̺̙̤̦̬̹̭̯̫͇̗͕̌̐͛̈́̏̈̓͆̿̇͑͂̈́͜͝Ě̵͇̣̟͉̼̥͇̻̤̳̱̼̦͇͈̓͐̇̌̚͜Ṙ̸͈̻̥̥̐͌̑͊͊̈́͑͋͜H̸̢̢̨̨̛̘̣̰͍̠͇͇̥̙͈̱̣̳͊͗͐̊͗͌̀͗̒̌̃͝͝͝Ǎ̴̢̰͍̺͕̒́̚Ṕ̸̢̨̬̙̳̟̩͎͎͉͉̩̻͎͕̘͒͛́͆̊̍̈́͊̎̚͘͜͝S̶͉̜͎͉͙̝̯̹̼̫̩̦͛̑̐̎̎͋̿͑́͒̒͊̿̑̈́̊̌͘͝ ̴̩̭̦̺͎̈́̽͗̃̿̉̏̂̒̈́̀͂̉Y̶̡̡͇̩̣͎̘̬͚̻̗̹͎̦̠̥̭̹͚̖̭̐̓̓̽̅̒̈́͊̏̿͐̕͘O̴͓̪͓̘̼͓͎̮̖̼̜̣̱̼̖͊̿̌͌̈́̈̃̊̏͠ͅǗ̷̡͖̮̺̬̫̤̟̲̞͙̼̰͎̖͉̙̫͙̠̀̓̇͛̌͛͂̏͊̽͑̆͜͜͠͝'̵̜͍̼̂̈̌́̽̆͝R̴̨̧̧̢̢̛̛̭̜̖̝̮̜̞̣͇̤̘̗̗͔̆͑͋̂͊̑̏̍̈͗͊́̈́͘͘̚̕ͅͅȨ̸̭̮̮̱̼͓̺̗͉̥̼̳̖͇̣͇̣̗̑͊̑̊͗̿̇͆̈́̽̽͐̀̍̽̽͑̒̾̋͘͝͝ ̷̨̢̧̣͈̣͖̘̺̥̜̰̺̯̼̙̬̪̙͉̫̹̈́̉͊̿̆͐̇͗̌̏̌̒́͂͂̔͘̚͝͝͠M̸̛̻̲̭̘̳̻͋̍͗̑̐̄͗͛̆̈́͒͌̓̇̍̈́͘͜͝͝O̴̖͚͉̯̱̺̾̍̊̍̈̋̋͑̍̇͋̃͘R̸̙̜̟̾̈́͌̊̑Ę̴̛̻̻̪͙͋͋̍̓̈͌̈̽͐̈́͛̏̈́̔̔͆͘̚͜͠͠ ̵̨̧͍̺̲͔̹̖̜͚̪̝͔̜͎̔͂̓̂͌̔F̶̢̛̫͖̖̩͕͉̒̏̿͐͐͒͒͋̚O̷̢̡̻̣̩̦̳̯̤͚̥̿R̶̲̼̈́͆̂̽͗͑̓̿͆͗̇̆́̚M̴̛̬̘̝̜̮̒́̑̿̄̒̀̈̈́͂̾͗̚͘͝I̸̧̠̱̮̞̤̖̙̲͋͂̂̿̾̉̊͗͌̚D̸̢̢̡̨̛͕̭͔̬̞͇͚͖͍̖̻̹̼͖̺̫͚̺̜͒͋̂̽̈́͛̈̓Ą̷̟͍̤̺̱̰͍͚͖̘̞̮̗̰͔͈̦̦̪͔̣̿̕̚͘͜ͅB̸̧̜̗̟̜̘͙̘̳͇̬̰̱̫̬̖̝̗͈̟̽̓̇̉̓̑̔̊̍̀̇̅̂̚͜͝͠͝L̸̡̜̗̘̙̾̈̍̽̆͗̄͗͐͗E̶̢͚͔̎͛̓̔̌͠ ̸̧̢̡̧̡̮͈̭̞͖̼̮̩̭͓͉̙̻̻̙̇̽̊̀̓͋̂̊̑͊̆̈͑̒͋́̆̓̏̕T̸̡̪̏̾̀̍͗̓̚H̶͙̺̽̆̃͂̿̎̔̽̽̚A̶̡̮̖͖̙̗̹̦̯͖̲̖̖̖̹̠͉̻̞̞͕̜̰͌͜N̷̲̝̯͐̆̓͐̉͆͌̎̊̆́̚̚͝͝ ̷͍̗̬̝͚̤͈̟̰̩͚̍̅͗͛̾͗͌̅̅̍̑̂͂̂̃̂̾͌͘͘̚I̸̘͔͓͂̃̓̈́͆̆̕͜͝ͅ ̸̢̡̨̞̳̣͔̩͙͔̯̜̓͜G̸̤̗̖͈̺͍̠̗̑̇̾̉̅̓̒̾͠ͅA̵̼̠̖̳̹̭͕̗̺͎͋̓̽̆͆̎̐̓̎̍͜V̷̢͖̪̭̙̰̤̖̹̭̘̪̝̻̳̐̓̄͐̚E̶̢̨̤̳̝̜͔͚̫̳͓̠͖͖̜̜̼̺̬̱͍̒̓̓̒̽̓̏̅̉̄̔̄̾͗̑́̕͘͜͝ͅ ̸̨̨͓͙̙͉̰̜̞̙̫̞̳͖̎͋̉̒́̏̓̍̈́͐͂̊̍͘ͅỴ̶̛̱͍̤̳̠̙̱̫̼̩̯̼̂͊́͆̈́̏̃̒̇̐͋̈́̔́͘̚̚̚͝O̷̺͆́̉͊̒̄̽̇͒̓̾̑̍̀͘͘͘͘͠͝͠͝Ų̵̨̢̨̢̹͙̭̺̙̙̞̲̣̼̲͈̹͓̖̮̠͑̋̅̾͂͛̊͗̓̈́̉̓͐̔̋̐́͝͝ͅ ̷̢̼̱̹̜͕̳̺͚̾̈́̏̽̒̊̆̏͊̐̇̚͝͝C̷̼͓̹͙̩̘̪͚̰͂̓̐̔̈́͆̐̀͑̃̑̽̕̕͜͜͝Ŗ̶̧͉͗̾Ẻ̸̪̍̃͛͛̎̓̽̅͘̕͠D̴̟̘̅̕Ȉ̶͎̼̣͍̗͓̩̞̟̘̀̃͗͂̾͆͠ͅṰ̶̨͉̫͉̱͖̥̜̠̌̀̇̑̅͘̕͘͠ͅ ̶̛̻͍̺̱͐F̸̨̢̢̨̨̛̛̰̹̲̟͓̝͕͕̹͚͈̰̦̹͍̗͈̻̍̈̎̈́̓͋̄̏̑͆̈́̊͛͂̀̅͝ͅÕ̶̻͈̼͙̀̇́̊͂̓̃̅̒̆͛͘̕Ŕ̵͖͚̩͔̳̜̯͓̋̓͋̉̓̀̀͑̇̇̅̀̌̀̕͠͝ͅͅ.̵̡̛̱̳̪͖͇̩͆͗́̽̌̀̔̂͂͑͝͝ ̸̞̙̜͛̒̔͒̊͛̕̚͜͠N̶̛̛̗̯̲̄̒̍́̊͐͗̑̈́̂͛̊̔̆̚̚̕͝Ơ̵͔͖͎̹̈́͐̓̌ ̵̡̗͖̙̘̙̮̯̭̆͋͗̀̂͂̈́̆̉̓͋̃͑̓̆͑͒̏͌̕̕ͅM̴̩̂̋͂͗̅͌͆̽̄̄͗̋̾͠͝͝Ä̴̢̢̳̦͕͈̣̰̙̭͔͇͕̲͍̼̲̰̈́̈́̉̇͂̈́͆͆̍̑̄́͘͠͝T̸̡̯͎̿̏͆͝͠͠T̶̢̧̧̙̱͙̝̟͖̟̭̺͖̭͓̱̮̣͕̮͇͒͌̅́͛̅̃͐̂͂̚̚͠ͅE̵͉̝̎̃́̓̎͛̀̏̽̐̃̕̕͘͠͝R̵̛̼͉̥͓̰̘̦̝͐̾͌̌̄̎̓̒͐̔͋.̴͉͎̳̜̾̌͒̂̽͒͗͐̔͗>

While I’m trying to get agent 3 out of this place with us, I finally have time to notice she has a blocky number 3 painted on her cape. When I ask the old man if he recognizes the cape, he tells me he has no idea where it came from. She must have gotten it while we were separated the last month. In any case, I carry agent 3 out of the facility for several minutes until I reach the surface with the old man.

(Y̴̛̺̫̼̮͖͎͚̼̑́̃̊̏̾̅͂̏́̎̈͒̔̈́͊́́͊͐̿̇͑̚͠O̸̡̢̡̧͖̝̗̤͈̟̖̱͎̞͍̦̘̜̟̤͈͈͑͂̇̂Ų̴͖̲̳̗̪͎̟̖̗̜̩̗̜̏̏̔̋͂̓͌̊̈́̊̉́̋͒̅͌͆̈̅͑̈̕͝ ̸̪̳̟̬̻̻͖̱̘̭̼̖͂̃͐͆̈͂̆̆̈́̽̏̂̑̑̓̒̀̈́̍̅̎̌́̎̑̒̏͛̒̑T̶̨̡̨̢̢͙̠͇̥̺̭̼̺̩̼̻̗͖̗̮̯̦͍͇͂̂̀̌ͅH̴͍̩̬̜͖͉̯̺͕̩̞̲̤̆̂͋͆͆͊̑̽̄́̽̆̃͂̀̒̒̾̅͘̚͝͝ͅͅĮ̵̢̡̛̣̯̘̦̞̟̯̦̞͔̯̪͚̤͙͎̙͖̞̤̬͍͔͎̱͕͔̠̈́̈́͊̅̏̌̔̋̃͐̎̎̏̎̓̐͊̅̈́̄͂̐̈́͐͜͠N̶̢̧̲͉̺͍̻͖̘̝̹̰̲͔̱͎̖͈͔͎͓̄̾̐̇̈̅̒̿̂̈́̐͜͠͝͝͠͠ͅK̸̨̡̢̡͉͔̥͈̼̫͖̻̗̤͇̰͖̲͕̝̲͇͓̟̼̻̖̝̲̍͊̎͒̂̾́͋̀͌̉͒͂̃̍͘̚̚͜͜͝͠͝ͅ ̶̫̦͚͖̠̙̆͌̐̃͌͊̊̆͒͌̐̋̍̂̈́̃̔͌͋͘͜͜͝Y̵̧͕̩͔͈̔̔͛̐̏́Ơ̶̧̡̢͔̜̺͚̲͉̱͓̻̤̱̭̫̠̜̗̗̗̘̦̤̻̄̽͗́̌̀̉̆̅͋̆̿͛̀̆̑̽̚͝͝U̷͔͕̙̤͉͉͖̠̯͉̇͐͛̀͑̅̈́̈́͒̓̍̚͘͠'̸̧̨̯̩̪̫͈͉̳͖̦̻̳̩̹̭̳͉͕̈͑̾̎̌́̈́̋̿͊̉̑͊̅͋̎͘͘̕͜͜͝V̷͔͎̏̐͊͋́ͅȨ̸̨̧̙͍̦͎̠̪̹̹̥̝͙̼̜͈̟̼̮̫̠̣͇͖̺͎͕͎̠̪̲͕͑̃̅̽́̔̾͗̑͠͠ͅ ̸̨͍͎̻͖͍̮͉̲̼͎̉͗̈́̆̂̽͂͋̽̓̉̇̋̈́̒́̎͛̃͂̍͘͘̚͝͠ͅȨ̴̧̡̧̣͉̮̯̫͙̪̻͚̳̪͕͚̞̣̬͙͖̫̬̙̼̝̞̇̉̄̉̉̂́̾͑̈́͋̋͌̈̀̀̃̔̉̽̇͊͛͑͗͋̔͛͘͜͝Ŝ̴̡̛̗͙͔͙̟̝͕̟͈̯͉̜̼̠̠̯̟̠̃̉̐̒̏̔͊̎͘͘̕͠͠C̵̡̤͇̼̖̫̖̠̭̟̫͚̺̫̣̲̤͍̠͚̝̝̩͌̃͛̿͌̂̈́̌̒̆̎͋͋̅̔͛̈́̆̈́̂̈́̿̏̇̕͜͝ͅͅĄ̴̡̛̹͕̗̼̣̭̱̩̺̹̥̪̥̳̠̻͍̩̝̬̻̱͉̮̞͙̖̳͕̿̽̅̓̇̉̽̍͋͑̀̾̓́̿̇̕͘̚̕͘͜ͅP̷̛͕̟͙̗̲͇͓͎̬͙̙͔̲̙̞̯̓̂͊͌͗̍̇͒͗̑̊̌̂̆̾͑̄͛̄̂̃̌̀̚͝͠E̴̱͍͎͖͔̙̻̩̦͇̙͚̫̘̹̮͂̑͝Ḑ̸̨̢̢̫̦̜̝̘̝̲̖̘̱̳̼̞̩͎̒̉͊̍̓͝.̴̡̢̨̨̜͙͇̗̠̹̣̩̘̟͙͉͈̭̠̖̳̥̳̣̥̈́͊̋̒̈́̂̍̊̃̒̂͊̓͐̆̚̚ ̸̡̝̤̲̳̠̠̩͓̯̠̐͂̽͋͆͊̋̓̐̈́͌̓̂̾͌̓̈̑̒͋͘̕̕͝͠ͅY̸̢̡͇͓̝̬̬͖͚̬̠̱͕̞̦̞̫̤͇̼̠̅̓͐̎̈́̽̈́̍̔̍͛͛̓̑̆͂̎̅̐̿̿͊̅̇̑̚͘͝ͅO̸̪̯͚̰̺͉͇̲͍̤̞͔̟͗̒̂͌̀͛̍̑̉̈́͐̾̌̕̚͘͠U̷̧̙̜̹̗̬̰͔̹͚̥̹͗́̓͗́̊̆̐̊̊̈̑͋̓͑͒̍̈́͗̚͘̕̚͠ ̵̨̢͖̣̪̪͙̪͖̱͉̱̖̪̮̯̦͕̩̪̺͍̜̥͇̯̌̈́̿͋̔͗͊͌̀͝ͅẢ̷̧̧͚͖̠̠̭̤͔̲̙͕̮̮͙̥̩̩̫̹̄̓͐͑̀͑̓̎̓̏͘̚͜͝R̶̯̄̋̔́̀̈́͆̍̇̉̄̎̀̏̓̽̂̕̚͠͝͠Ė̶̢̛̦͍̠̠̮͚͍̹͆͛̒̃͑̉̄̓̒̓͆̍̇̋̀̔̑̈̓̌̈́̆̃̈́̿̋́͗̀͐̇͘ ̶̛̥͔̳͔̜͉̣̮̭̝̥͔̟̻͚͎̲͋͆̓̒̐̌͂͑͋̈́̾̑̍̑̚͝W̷̛̯̰̑̈́̄̔̓̽̑̈́͛͑͌͐̓̍͒̌̑͗͠R̷̡̼̟͍̪̬̞̖̝͕̲̈́̄͂̎̈́͐͊͗̿͒̐̈́̈́̅̑̇͒͆͊͒̏̑͐͋̔̑̕͘̕͘͜͝͠Ơ̷̢̛̬̦̟̗̣̼͔̖͍̞̩̻͓̻̺̜̼͇̦̣̜̗̬͔̥̮͉̩̯͚͑́̍̌̋͗͗̀͋̃́̇̆̌̈͌̇͗̓͐̓̉͘̕̕͜͝ͅN̷̛̝͉̘̪̉͆̊͛͋͆̉̍̏͗͋͂̀͗́͠Ġ̶̢̰̦̝̺͉̜̯͍̮̮̻̲̳̯̗͖͔̥̗̞̹͙̼̳̫̫̩̬̺͊͛͜>

While I’m distracted by the beauty of the surface, with its city skyline visible in the distance, red sunset, and clear blue waters, a helicopter descends in front of us. Two girls, a short inkling and a tall octoling, tell us to get inside. When we’re flying in the helicopter, they tell me they’re Pearl and Marina, the ones who’ve been communicating with me this whole time. While I’m trying to wake the other girl up, a massive statue rises out of the ocean. It’s not an inkling or an octoling, but the old man identifies it as a human. I assume he’s seen them in historic records. The phone is visible in one of the eye sockets of the statue, and explains that its true name is commander tartar. Apparently, it was built by a human professor 12,000 years ago to pass their knowledge on to the next dominant species. Tartar has come to see inklings and octolings alike as unworthy, and aims to use a massive cannon to destroy our world, repopulating it with the ultimate lifeform. I assume he means the sanitized octarians I’ve faced time and again in the metro, presumably the result of Tartar performing genetic experiments on my brethren. Marina pulls out a computer and starts drawing a visual aid, explaining we have three minutes until the weapon fires. She tells me when and where she’ll drop sets of something she calls hyperbombs, and explains I’ll have to blow them up manually by shooting them with a new splattershot that she gives me. I decide I can use it just fine, as it’s essentially a variation of my octoshot. I jump off the helicopter to the base of the statue, where I begin the final battle to save a world that I’ve never been to.

(Y̸̛̜̰̗̓̄̌̃͒̐͋̇͆̋͊̓̓̿̄̋͋̎͆̎̇̈́͂͌̓̈́̈́̊̒͌̀̇͘͘͘͝͝͠Ó̸̢̢͖̭̥͓̳͎͙͎̻̪̯͓̗̱̻̖̩̻̺͔͙͈̻͎͕̼̲͈̤̜̥̠̭̘̟̔̔̐̎͊̆̐͑́̐́̏̃̍̑̈́̋̅̓̎̎͋̒̆͒̊͋͊̅͗̒͋̚͘̚͝͝͝ͅͅƯ̸̧̤̹̹̓̅̓̔̆͆̋͆͗̓̅͒̽͌̇̏̊̿͒͑̈̕͘̚̕͘͘͘̕͠͝͝͠ ̵̡̧̢̢̨̠̬͍̫̫͖͙͓͓͙̥̬̫̼͚͕͚̠̱͎̖̳̺̙̹̯͚͍̝͚͈̟̫͉̻̦͑͗̑̋͑͐͑́͆͋̓̌́̈́̐̔̽̃̾͛̇̃̆͘̕͜͜͝ͅW̷̢̨̢̛̼͖̥̮̞͚͙͔̰̙̣̥̻̯͔̤̟̜̣̪̬̩̥̔͐́̓̂̊̓̌̀̐̓͐̆̌̍̇̎̈́͆͋͑͗̐͒̚͘ͅỈ̷̢̡̜͉͙̺̮̠̼̘͓̮͎̖̬̗̗̖̬͉̲̜̬̺̰̭̬̲̗̤͓̫̻͓͕͈̼͍̲̼̱͕̟̤̬̪̖̞̙̻̞̘̱͇̭̌̆̈́̑̐͌͗̈́̉̉̒͗̎͐̃̎̍̄̆̍̓̈́̂̓̋̾̅̔̆̇̎͗̂̒͂̅͊̓͊͐͘̕̕͠͝ͅͅL̸̡̨̧̛͉̲̫͚̹͍̬̗͎͎͓̹̻̩͕̳̭̭̤̳̣̘̱͙̙̪̦̬̯̮̼̬̦̻̭͍̟̤͚͙͎̤̙̽̆̎͐͗̒͆̾̂̉̋͌͌̃̓̓̈́̈̕̚͜ͅL̵̨̧̡̡͈̖͍̲̹̱̟̠̻̻͚̦̪̫͖̹͇̹͎̙̟͚͇̰̗̯̟̻̋̆̓̂̾̔̚͜͜ͅ ̶̡̢̢̡̛̪̰̺̟̭̭͕̮̩̼̠̖̣͔̩͍̯̫͉̹̲̗̩̠͕̥̘̙̳̞̝͉̣͙̖̓̀̃̄͝ͅͅͅF̸͉̞͉̜̭̣͖̟̻̭̼̲̪͖̬̭̥̻̘͖͔̯͇̰̺̗͗̍̓͂͐̂̀̏̍̓̉̔̽́͝A̷̢̧̪͙̻̠̫͙͚̬͉͈̳̺͍̙̤̹̤͇͇̳͚̘͍͈͈̗̱̪̤͙̜͍͎̖̞̲̫̲͚͈̤̺̠̓͌̿̄́̍̆̾͑̂͜ͅI̸̢̨̝̺̙̱̤͙͙̲̝̥̖̤͉̮̮̤̯̣̳̘̱̥̝̣͔̜͇͍̟͎̥̟͑̊̊͌̆͋̎̂͂̿̐͌̔̍̿́͆̋͋̏̄̿̃̋̾̈̒̃̿̉͋̉̀̓̆̿͐͗̓̃̏͆͗͘̕͜͝͠͠͝͝͝ͅL̵͙͎͔͇̩̻̤̘̰̯̟͉̖̙̮͔̰̤͕̑̎̓͋͐̓̃̄̍̔̅̂̈́̍̆̽̈́́̔̀̒̕͜͝͝ͅ.̸̢̛̲̭̮̜̘̺̻͉̼̯̘͕̝͉̗͕̠͖͖͇̗͚̜̬̻̰̺̜̩̳̱̭͉͕̯̙͍̮̼̦̯̻̙̟̜͗̇̾̌̃̃̐̀͗͑̌̐͆̎̂͋̈̓̏̒̋̇̇̀̾͛̚̚͠ͅͅ ̵̢̧̧̝̮̮̜̪̰͖͇̫̗̮̪̞̪̣̝͇̹͓̹̱̝̲̲͔̗̤̦͙̜͕̣̈́̓̐̂̆̿̋͛̄̏̇͐͒͘͘̚̚͜͝͝ͅI̶̻͆̇̃̆͆̊̈́̓͐̊͌̒͋͗̍̍̃̆̈́̇̓̈́̓̓̊̀͝͝ ̷̨̧̧̛͖͔̬̼̗̦̝̫̘̯̱͙͔͖̺̥͚̟͙͚͙͎̝̥̫̣͚͖̻͙͎̼̘͓̱̲̫̥͓̻̪̭̞͈̮̭͙͇̰͂͋͐̎̿̇̃̽̍̐̈́̎́͋̌̓̇̇͊̚͘̕͜ͅĄ̴̯̳̖̦̣̣̘̹̝͔̭̰̣͔͓̗̫͚̻͓̥͇̗̫͐̀͌̾͑̈̅̋̔̚͠͝ͅM̶̧̧̧̛͓̻̭̖̮͕̪̖̺͕̙͉̭̹̣̘̖̯̭̥͇̬͕͔̤̳̘͇̳̮̰̱̼̣̰̼̻͉̼̪͗̃͛͗̊̒̂̒̄͗̽̍͑̉͋͑̂̍͋́̏͘͝͝ ̵̪̰͈͇͍̊̊̓̈̈́̑͑̇̿̈͗́̇̓̔̃̏̑̏̈͌̍̄͐͌̎͠͠Ţ̸̨̢̪̙̗͇̖̟̥̦͓̭̱͇͈̮̞͎̩̹̳̭͔̺̥̝͋̅̃̌̔͑̃̍̑̈́͑͂̽̅̽̂͑̐̂̔̐̎͌̄̒̎̎̑͆̏̔̄̽̈͌͒͋̅́͘̕̚̚͘͘̚͜͜͠͝͝Ẳ̶̡̛̪̦͔̲͙͈͖̲͕͆̍͒̾̅̇̍̈́͊͂̉̄͘͝Ȑ̶̢͎̭̱̻̬͎̥̱̝̟̞̠̼̪̄̆̾͑̔́̈́͛̑͋́̌͆͗̒̚͜͝͠ͅT̵̡̧̧̡̨̟̺̬͈̳̜̺̦͔̘͍̳͓͕̣͙̣͕̘̫̱̳͉̙̳͓̮̺̘̻͓̺̞̺͍̯̳̰̗͚̓͋̐̿̕͜͜͜͝ͅͅȦ̶̧̛̛̛̤̩̹̖̦͈̦͙͙͇̻̘̮̤̻̹̬͙̬̲̝̝͔͚̬͚̖͔͙̬̭̤̬͌́̐̅̃͛́̓̂͛͛͗̏̈̔̏̇̄̒̉̆̓̃̿̉̏̆͗̆̿͋͘͘͘͘͝͠͝͠͠ͅR̵̥͇̈́̔͑̈́́̀͋͛̉͂͋̊̈́̐̈́́̾̄̍͗̑͐̈̌͊́̈́͘͝͝͝͝.̴̢̧̩͚̺͕͚͙̙̖̬͔͇̦̹͕͍̥̻̖͕̫͂̅̐͑̾̄̍̓͑̿̑̆̓̉̈͌͂̍̔̔͛͂̃̒̿̐̍̚͜͜͜ͅ ̷̡̨̨̣̫͓̺̟͔̠͖̠̹̠̜͈̣͎̠͖̦̱̟̤̹̗̤͙̻̝͍̎̾͆͗̿̓̈́͊͂̌̃͛͑̍͐͗̽̓̈́̑̃̐̔͂̓̈͛͑̍̇́̔̕̚͘̕͜͝Y̶̡̢̨̤͍̺̞̠̞̫͇̙͇̩̫͉͎͇̲̪͖͚͚̬̻̹̗͇̗͚̖̾͐̇̍͐̒͜Ǫ̷̨̧͔͕̣̰͉͈̱̻̗̻͕̱̥̠̤̯̺͉̐̈́̍̇̎̃̃̅̃͑̂̇̈́̆͗̓̌̄͒̊͌̌̀̄͂̽̐̎̈͌̾͑̂͒̌͗͛̑̄͆̀͒̆̂̕̚͜͝͝ͅͅU̷̡̧̧̡̧͉̫̺̰̱̝͙̞͚͚̰͚͖͔̼̲̼̣͑̋̒̇͐́̎͋̃͂̇̚͠ ̵̧̡̨̢̧̢̖͍͖̰̮̥̩̺͚̰̗̭̱̯̞͙̱͖̘̮̞͙̼̯̮̰̪̖̝̥̯̬̠̪͙͓̖͇̭͓̳͙̼̻͉͍͕̃̄͛̇͗̐̏̍͊͂̓͑͗͐̇̇̋͐̒̽̿͌̒̊͂̆̏̑̈́̄̒̎̕̚̕̕̕̕͜͝͠͠͠͠͠Ȃ̸̡̛̺̱̪̜̻͚̮̬͕̜̮͓̹̯̺̰̟̣͊̒͋̐̽̽͝͠͝ͅŖ̴̛̛̻̤̬̬͙̳̱̞̙̻̯̭͉̹̼̯̝̖̭̰͓͚̲̩̪͚̩̦̙͉̤̭̺͍̄̀̓̏̓͛̉̓̊̏̓̔͆̏̊͂̔͛̀̈̇͗̏͐̇̔͐̽̌̒̈́͐͋̇́̾̎̕̕̚͘͝͠ͅE̵̛̝͉̖̳̳̘̽̏͗̌̔͋̿̂̓̉̅̒͝͠ ̷̢̨̟̪̮̯̦̗̦̮̞̰̹̻͉̠͔̖̬̱̖͔̩̟͚̣͍̹̰̥͇͚̣̩̯̠͇͚̤͊̏̽̍͂͋͒̍̄̊̃͂̈́̇̀̄̉̎͘̚̕͜͠͝͝ͅN̵͍̞̦͚̟͎̥̻̅̉̏́͂̌͛̈́͌̈́̀͛̓͛̏̔̐̎̋̒̇͒͋̽̔̓̓̿͛̊͆̈́͊̂͌̕̚͝͝͝͝O̴̢̢̧̧̨̬̜̩͕͙̦͕̟̱͇͍͓̯̻̿̋̎̒̃̔͛͑̈́̏͋̑͐̋̋̈͛̈͗͗̏̓̏̂̾̍̽͐̽̂͘͘̚͘͠͝͠͠T̶̝͈͍̘͋͐̐͂͊̏̓͑͌̿H̷̡̡̧̡̧̛̩̪͇̯̱̱͙̗̹̳̻̝̲̹͓̙̘̺̻͔̺̜̤̭̺͍̯̹̘͑̈́̊̈́̅͂̎̐̔͊̈́̏̑̂͠͝ͅĮ̶̨̧̱͖̣̠̘͖͈̟̳̭͇̖̘͇̘̺̭̗͇̠̘̦̥̲̳̞͈̺̲̞͓̬̪͎̘͈̖͗̐̒̔͗̒͊̂͆̏̑͒͆̏̂̈̇̑̌̊̄̃͒̅̍͆͆̊̒͒̚͘̕̚̕͜͝͝͝ͅṊ̶̰̪̖̼̻͚̪̘̹͇̜̦̙͂̂̽̇G̵̡̡̢̭̜͕̻̞̪̩͚̙͕̰̘͉̺͕̜̣̎̅̓̈͗̾͂̏̉͊̅̽̓͂͆̍͌̍̀̽̈́͌̌͐͗͐́̒̂͊̑̀̒͊͛̐̌͗̓̽͘͘̚͝͝͝͠͝͠.>

I rush around the statue, blowing up the hyperbombs as they appear. Each one explodes to cover part of the statue in ink of my own color, allowing me to move much faster by swimming in it with my octopus form. Despite that, I can’t waste a second in my mission. I have no time left as I land the final blow on the last hyperbomb, disabling the statue by blocking its solar power. Despite that, when I make it back to the helicopter along with Pearl, Marina, the old man, and the still-unconscious agent 3, we realize the weapon is still about to fire. The world at large is already saved, but if it fires then the city-Inkopolis, the old man calls it-will be annihilated.

(I̸̧̧̡̢̧̢͚͔̙̝̖̙̞̘̪͎̮̪͚̰̮̤̺̩̳̻̩͍͓̤̖̯͓͓̬̻͈͖̲̣̣͙̖̮̤̳̗͚̳̼͔̞̘̺͍͓͓̣̲̙̻͖̯̣̠̗̘̝̋̈́͊̑͐́̀̋̈́̇̍̂̆̑͂̌͋̈́̑̀͑̑̏̒̄̾̄̋̽̔̐̇̓͂͛̒̂̌̅̍̉̚̚͘̕͜͝͝͠͝ͅͅ ̵̨̡̨̢̛̛̳̺̲̩̲̦̫̥̻͚̼͉̣̹̘͚͙̰̹̭̙̥̠͇̰̤͓̭̲̝̥̹͙̳̞̮̟̮͇̲̯̙̯͔͕̯̪̪͖͇̺̠͕̟͍̹̺̘̙͔̤̖̎̊͌͐͌͒̎̏̽̉̽́͑̈́́̿̐̏̔͑̇̋̃͋͛̾̋̏̾̃̈́̈́͒̀̌͑̓͊̑͑̅̆̂̅̿̿̑̊̀͆̇̾̔̎̂̎͂̐̓̑͜͜͠͠͠͝ͅW̵̛͕̖̘̣̬̠̺̤̙̖̟̝̻̩͚̻̘̠̒͌̏͗͌͑̓̈͆̋̒̌͗̍̇̈́͛̈̿̆̍̐̽̒̄̾͐̒̽̉̓͗̇̓͆̓̽͛̈́̓̂͊̓͌̉̑͌͌̈̉̇͐̕͝͝͠͝͝͝Į̵̢̨̨̨̹̤̫͍̱̦̘̦̹̤̻̜̥̪̮̼̝̱͕̬͔̪̬̜͇͓̤̫̤̜̺̫̪̠̼̎̽̇̊̔̓̓͂̅̾̓͛̄̓̐̅̕͘͘͜͝͝ͅL̴̨̨̧̢̢̢̡̛͈̭͎̮̰̦̘̙̙̣̬͔͚̗̪͉̬̟̪̭̦̟͚̭̺̭̺̥͉͍̦͈͕̼̫͔̳͈̜͕̩̗̠̺͚̟̣̣͖̭̙͚̪͎̘̦͍̬̮͕̆̈́͌͋̈͑͆̉̓̄̄͌̈́͂̈̿͛̆̔̈̂̑̽̍̏͛̎̇̐̏̽̉̉̎̓̄̾͋̓̇̅̋́̂̄̐̊̈̏͛̍̕̚̚̕̕͘̕͜͝͝͝L̶̨̢̧̢̢̼͈̫̳̻̹͚̭̲̱̗̩͕͎̺̦̯̩̘̪͕̟̟͍͓̻̮̝̙͇̗̙̗̤̱̞̪̟̥̖͉̘̟̺̥̟̖͔̞͙̥̟̍̌̆͗̐͛̃̈̀͑͂͊͒̒̌͊̏͋͛͑͝͠͠͝͠ͅͅ ̶̡̨̛̗̹͇̭̳͈̙̥͕͉̳̩̟̝̙̙̼͍̰͓̬̬͔̘͎̱͈͖͎̪͖̝̟͍̞͚̟̠̟͈̏͐͒̎͑̋̈́͛̋̋̅̽̿̂̓̃͠͝͝͝ͅͅÑ̷̨̧̧̡̨̛̪̼͙͔̖̤͔͔̲̲̪͓̭̩̭̫̦͕͓͉̮̼͖̩̻͖͈̝̬̦͇͎͖͈̮͚̲̜̤̘͙̹͔͓̬̩̑͗̽̆͑̈́̆̓̅̆̂̔͋̂̇̈́̆̋̀̌͊̇̄̀̏͑̈́̇̇̎̔̊͋̀̉̈̃̆͐́͌̈́͑̚̕̕͝ͅͅƠ̵̗͍̪͚̟̝̱̘̜̟̤̞̠̠̙̬̯͎̞̻̿̽̌̿̍̑͋̓͗̍̄̾̄̏̍̃̑͒͑̆̓̒̎̊̈̎͒̃͐̔̋̽̾́̓̕̚̚͝͝͠Ţ̸̨̨̪̦̫̣̖͙̤̼̱̞̤̲̖̘̜̭̦̜̻̳̻̰̮̬̬͚̥̱̣͔̝̙͔͎̱̤͕͉̝͚̲̞̟̥̰̄͗̔̒̍͆̂̃͑͑̐̂͐̈́̄͘͝ ̷̧̡̡̧̢̙̲̖̣̮̣̮̤̳̞͈̥̖̭̬̮͕̖͎̠̯͉̰͖̟̘̲̟͖̰̹̖̝͚͙̠͎̤̮̺͓͇̦̜͙͕̯̻͉̬͉̖͔͔̗̗̱͔̜̭͋̈́̓͐́̍̋̈̆̏͂̐́̆͐͆̆̃̂͂̇̎̅̋̃͗̈͒̀̅̏̂͛̑̎̈́̄̿͑̃̾͒͌̊͆̒͐̇̅̈́͆̀͘̚̚͘̕̕̕͜͜͝͝͝B̴̢̨̧̡̛̛̛̥̳̣̲̩̜̦̟̳͓̦͕̞͖̗͈̦̣̤̘̪̞̪̘̗̟̹̰̲͉͈͈̞͙̖̜̜̲̤̲͕̫͉̻͉̗̗̦̘͚̫̂̐͂̎͒̍̇͂͒̿͗͂̽̉̈́͑̄͂͛͒̔̌͂͛̈͐̑̀͛̈́̍͒͌͒̊̎͐̍͛͗͒̊̓̐͂̎̓̎̀̿͋̚͠͠͝͠ͅͅĘ̷̛̛̛̝̠̤͖̘̦͉͍͇̭̩̟̞͓̰̩̤̯̯̩̲̩̜̜͙̖̪̳̹͇̮͖̮̦̪͇͙͍͒̉̽̇̉̒̑̃͌̋̇̃͊̄̓͂̽̆̅̓̂̔̽̎̌͆̔̑̒̑͛̄̆̈̓̍̽̒̏̍̏̓̈́̌̂̓̔̋̀̕̚̚̕͘͜͜͝͝͠͠ͅ ̶̢̡̡̨̢̛̛̳̲͉̬̦̫̟̲̱̞̭̦̯̤͖̙͇̰̲͚͔̳͖̹͙̺̭͕̤͙̯̳̯͓̞̤̩̣̋̓̓̈́͒̈́̆̾̿̊̅̎̈́̎̌̅͋͂̈̿̊̓͒̔̽̎̎́̽̽̎̍̽͆̓͗̃̆̏̑̎͒̈́͛̓͋͂͛͒͑̄̾̃̈́̽̐̿͗͑̑̐̓͆̕͜͝͝ͅͅD̸̡̧̡̛̙̪̼̮̦͎̝͓̝͎̙̬̼̊͒̃̓̿̽̎́͆̏̃̂͛̊̍̓͐͒́̀͌̾̽̐͑̇̿̒͊̈́̃̑͛͛͊͒̾̂̍̕͘͝͝͠͠ͅȨ̴̡̧̛̛̛̣͔̱̦̼̭͉̱͎͇̣̩̲̼̠̙̗͎̣͖̯̲͖̗̪̠̖̺̘͌͗͛̏̊̾̉̽͌̽̃̈͛̈͑̔͌̋̏̇̔͛̇̃̔̈́̂̀͐́͂͑̌̆̿͒͑̾̌̈͒̐̄̊͆̈́̊͛̈́̓͛̒̈̿̅̚͘̚͘̕̕̕͜͝ͅŤ̵̨̡͇̮̫̬͖̞̣̳̹̫̰̲̗͖̣̳̹̠͎̗͉͌̈́͐̀̓̓̍̄͑͛̈̑̐̉̉̿͑̋͂͐̔̅͗́̆́́̏̇̉͗̒̎̏̓̉̕̕̕͝͝͝E̷̢̬̪͉̤͔̗̳̎̍̽̈̆̋͐̑̍̀̌́̔̎̾̆͘̕͝͠R̴̛͎̜̝̮̤̲͉̠̰̖̍̽̃̃̌̃̑̓̈́̒͛̽̈́͊̍̈́̍̒̌̎̆̈́̃̅̇̓̉̅͒̉̾̂̄̄̑̎̌̈́̔͗̆͑̑̈́̽̋̽̔̈̓͒́̍͂̚̕̕͝͝͝͝͠͠͝͠R̷̡̛̬̞̟͓͇̍̀̔̈́̔̋̍̇̋̾̌̍̿͐̏͗̒͌̈́͐̒̃̇̄̑̊̾͛̉͐͆͂̑͑̉̂̂̊͒̋͒͐̕̕̕̚͠͝͝Ē̵̲̝͎̣̰̰̻̮̪̞̮͕̈́̇̔͌͌̐͠D̶̨̡͔̩̯̟̠̭̗̮̣̹͍̪͍̗͉͍̥̹̆͑̏̎̔̊̀̊̈́̊̂̿͋͑̉́̈̓̈́͊̈͆̂̐̑̑̅̈́͗͛͌̈́͆̌̓̈͂̑̿́̎̈̕̚̕̕̕̕̚͜͠͠͝͝͠͠͠͠͝.̴̨̨̢̨̛̖͚̝͓͍͉͖̤͔̭̫͉͓̰͚̱̼̟̯̘͉̲̹͍͉͎̤̻͓̰̳̙̥͉̩̥̩̭̬̫̥̫̳̰̺̘̻̝̥̣̠͖̈͆́̀̇̋͆̋̾̿͐͌̈̔͒͗͗̈̑̒̃̈́̈́̈̾̎̉͂͗̽͆̑̾̎̾̄́̾̀̈́̈̂͋̉͌̃̊̿͊͛͐̃̚͘̚͜͝͝ ̵̨̧̨̨̡̡̛̛͕̩̝͉̬͚̲̟̻̘͍̖̱̭̖͚̭̱̭̮̖͎͎̦̠̖̘̫̰̪͎̯̰̂͑̆̃̉̊̾̈́͐͌͐͒̿͒̌̐̑̔͒̓͋̿̈́͐̊̂̐̌̎̿̒͘̕̚̚͜͜͜͜͜͠͠ͅĪ̵̡̨͙̖͍͍̦͙̭͉̎̇͗̿́̉͋͗̽̅͂̌̈́͌̑̆̆́̈̽̈́͆̉̓͂͐͑̀͑̑̓͌̾̃͋̾̌̊̋̌̄͗͌̀̍̾̅̕̕͘͘̕͘̚͠͝͠͝͝͠ ̵̠̱̗̣̰̰̱̗̖̜͚͉̮̯̘̖̙̟̻͌͜ͅW̴̡̢̤̭̫̙̪̣̹̜̲̩̫͓͓̦͙̪̯̩̲̙̹̪͔̜̒̓̇͆̓̈́͗̅͒̔̈͐̍̈́͆̓͐̓͆̓͂͊̽̇͐̽̍̔̐̊̾̑͆̾̉̃̉̐̾͌͗̃̍͂͌̊̆̑͂͛̑̇͆͂̅͌̈̐̾͂͒̇͒̕̕̕͘͜͜͜͝͝͝I̶̛̛̻̩͂͆̓͛̔̾̔̀̄̓̿̓̍̾̒͌̂͊͐̈́̄̏͐̐̐̓̾̏̑͑̿̓̈̔̽̑̇͛̒̓͋̓̏̇̈́̌̕̚͘̚̕͝͠͠L̵̡̛̛̛̛͙͍̪̤̱̹̠͓̩͖̖̥͔̖̇̉̓̿̎̋̓̓͒̓̒̒͗̂̽̌͂̾̈́̐̀̈́͛̍̓̿͆͑͆̽̌̉̅̏̄̄̈̂͋̏̄̓̚̚̚ͅĻ̶̢̨̛̫̺͙̞͖͓̩͚̯̰̠̜̼̝̜͈̗̣̞̬͓̳̤͍̰̠̖̖̣̥̫͉̖̬̟̳͕͇̜͚̾́̅͂̓̇̍̈́̈̂͛̏͐̇̐̾̄͊͝͝ ̶̡̞̗̱̯̝̙̯͕͉͕̮͒̊̌̓̍̄̆͛̇͆̿͋̾̄̐͋̿̄͂̒̐͘͜͜ͅT̶̢̡̡̢̨̡̛̛̛̛̗̪͙̺̱̺͕̣͈̣̬̭̥̬̘̼̩͉͕̜̦̰͖͓̗̣̝̗͙̞̘͕̬̞͔̹̗̀͗͂̐̔̒̽̈́̋͂̅̅̉̃͑͐͂̽̑̇̄̏̎͐̓̀̌̽̒̄̋̈̑͛̇͂̂̂͊̔̿͋͋̐͒͂̄̈̕̕̕̚͝͝͝͝͝ͅͅĄ̷̨̢̨̛͉̟͈͇͔̲̭͈͉̭͖̲̙̫̝̠̙̳̼̜̦̩͎̫̪͉̳̝̺̠̭̙̠̹̙̱̤̦͈̖̤̬͙̮̤͎̬͖̍͋̈̓͐͜ͅͅͅK̷̨̳̞̤̗̭̭͓̎̿̉̆͒́͋͊̏̿̔̂̏́̔̑̈̂̓̿͒̓̃͗̌̑̋́̐̓̇͐͆̀͆͆͛͋̔͆͊̇͂͐̿̿̿̇͘͘͝͝͝͝E̴̢̡̧̮̺͍̳̣̟̩̙̙̹̤͍̍̃͆̃̈́̓̍̎̓̾͌̽̃́͒̃̊̄̀̉̔͊͐̆̅͂͗̐͊͐́̊̍̆̑̍́̃̍̓͒͒̎̋̆͘̚̕̚͜͠͠ ̷̨̢̡̧̡͈͚͖̥͖̦̬͔̺̼̰̤͕͕͚̹͈͔͓̙̣̳͇̅̅̉͛͊̅̐͒̋͂̒̇̾̄̎͘̕͠͝͝͝ͅŢ̶̧̛̙̯̻̹̳̞̭̮̬̠̤̣͍͈͇̬͉̲̞͖͉̬͓̰̝̓͊̓́͛̉̓̂̓͑̒̐͂͗͒͊̊̐̎͑̈́͋͛̚͘̕͜͝͝H̶̢̡͓̝̠̻̠̱͎͓̦̲̖̲̬̥̙̲͕̯̣͎̤̳̮̝͔̰͔̲̦̰̰͚̜͉̮̺̲͕̪̫͓̞̺̝͙͈̥̞͚̘̣̘̻̞̮̗̝̓A̶̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̪͈̫̼̼̝̹̞̗͕͔̮̍̈́̅̽͑̒̅̓̌̈̿̾͑̄͑͑̒̄̾̈́̏̃̿̈́̒͂̅̽̑͋͐̿̑̓̀͒̾̐̄̐̎̎̆̋̒̆̐͂̇̌̍͗̓͘̕̕̕͝͝͝͝ͅT̸̨̧̧̡̧̧̧̨̥̗̣͔͖̭̗̫̻̫̫̺̩͍̭̯̩͓͇̥͉͎̫͔͉͓̝͔̤̣̦͖̞̫̗͎͕͓̰̣̞̬̭̜̹̞͔̭͚̦̼̩̩͓͍͓̯͎̖̍̋̆̽̓͂̂̇̉̎͛̇̓̔̈́̓͗́̆̈̕͜͜͝ͅͅͅ ̶̡̨̢̧̭͉̱̰̱̭̦̜͓̥̰̫͍̭̫͚̖͍͉̣̤̯̰̮̤͔̰̦̬̈́̃͊̔̃̓͑͗͆̃̄̆̈̑̂͑̊́̓͐̍͊̍͌͗͌͋̌̇̓͗̈́̆̈́̓͂͒͑̄̌̒̿̈́̈́͒̐̉͂͒̑̂͘͘̚͝ͅW̵̡̡̨̛̦̫̯͍̱͕̪̳͇̠͉̯̭͙̙̪͎̳̼̱͔̫̼͓̘̲͇̻̠̰̘̳̝̯͙͓̠̓̎͗̅̔̂̔̽̋̃̇̄̊̌̆̋̆̃̍͊̊͋̈́̏͘̕̕̕͜͝ͅͅḨ̴̧̧̧̛̛͚̮̘̙̦͕̥̰͙̬̳̲̱̪͓͖̞̫͎̻͓̜̫̞̑͆̈́͋͊̽̍͆̅̑̃̆̈̒̎̐̔̃͛̈́̓̈̊̅̔̎̓͑̊̾̑͗͑̔́̿̀͛͆̋̓̋̄̋͘̚̕͘̕͝͝ͅÍ̴̢̛̭̮̫͕͖̓́̐͂̈́̓́̉̓̅͗̎̋̎̄͛̈̌̑̅͊̇́̄̃͑̕̚͠͝͝Ç̵̡̨̧̨͚̪͇̗̹̗̮̣͙͎̯̰͙̘͈̳̺͔̱̮̖̼̫̩͔͙͚̞͇̜̪̏͆̽͑̇̈́̊͂̀̍̈́̿́́̓̾̎͛̂̂̾́̉͗̔͊͋̄͋͘͜͜͝͠͝͠͝H̴͍̺̑͛̂͗̄́͊̔́͌̍̃̍͆̂̇͛̅͛̍̉̓̇͗̄̉̏̊̿̋͊̈́̓̍͑̅̀̓̕͝͠͝ ̸̨̡̢̨̛̛̳̻̙̻͙͙̱̹̠͖͕̠̥̰̘̮̥̯̣̺̹͍̳̝̹̹͓͈̜̹̟̝͓̯͓̰̯̱̲̫̈̍̄̒̊̀͐̂̍̾̈́̑̉̈́͂̂̐̈́̂͑̌͂̉̀͛̐͆̍̀̿͋̇͗̿̿̈̊̀͆̋̓̋̉̎͂͂̐͆͒̍̈̾͑͊͋́̓͗̑͘̕̚͜͠ͅͅͅỲ̷̧̡̢̡̧̢̧̛̳͖̳̙̳̥̜͍͇̭̟̤̠̩͔̳͚͈͎͔̞̺͎̥̟̪̪̤̮̤̲͖̭̝͓̳̬͎͚̥͎̦̩̗̘̹̗̪̩̭̘̉̽̅̈́̈́̋̽̋̈́̈́̔̅͆̑͌̀̿͑̊͋̒̿̓̇̽̓̒̈͐͋̄͌͂͛̂͌̋̎̓̿̌̊̾̂͋͌̈̓̎͒͂̒̚͠͠͝ͅO̷̡̨̭̥͕͈̠̭̞̹̪͇̱̳̝͔̩͙̭͇͙̙̬͕͖̞̱̭̻̯̥͇̰̮̗̺͐̂͒̈́͒̚Ư̷̛̛̦̳̣̗̝̓͌͛̏̋̋̓̔̈́̈̌̔̑͒̒͛̇̅͂͐̑͐̐̌̾̃̄͂̈́̃̅̌͗̀̐̈́̾̈͘̚̚̕͜͝͝ ̶̧̛̞̘̼̣͉͖̻͙͈̥̙̻̦̦̘̭̬̱̩̥͖̝̓̒̏̐́͑͐̂͊͗̇͋̉̊͑͐͂̉͋̊̅̅̐̅͋͊̎̊͆̌̆̈́̀̔̈́̒͒̌́̽̓̒͋̋͆͛̑͛̋̽͛̄͑̒̂̚̕̚͠͝͝H̶̨̧̡̧̨̛͈̪̩̞̲͉̥͙͚̝̥͖͖͚̯̼͇̹͙͈͍̤̥̮͍̫̲̯̹͉̠̮̦̻̞̣̝͉̫͇̻̫͙̦̬̲̯̖̥̘̑́̍́͑̐̏̓́́͜͜ͅA̶̧̨̛̖͓̩̲̜͓̩̜͓͓̦̗̹̹͔͖͍͚̘̞̝̱̜͈̼̹͊̉̂͛̀̾̂͐̓͋̎͑̓̃͑͊͌̈́͆̈́̓̈͒̃̇̌͆͌͊̎̏̑̔͐̉̓̔͘͜͝͝͠V̷̡̧̢̡̛̛̛̼̬̦͈̭̺̣͕̦̹̱̮̬̭̼͉̘̹͍̜̠͇̻̟̬͖̯͙̲͙̙̬̟͔̰̱̲̙̼̳̺͖̜̬̗͍͒̒̾̿͗̂̇̇͑̈́̐̓̓̄̑̒̆͑͐̊̋̈̒̉̆͋̒͑̌̄̊͊̄̉̕͘͜͜͝͠͝E̴̡̢̡̮̝̥̰͓̺̹̝̘͔̝͉̥͚̣̤͋̿̇̚ ̵̛̛̛̗̺̲͚̹͍͕̼͎͔̞̗̙̣͔̭̣͚͈̞̼̦̳̲͚͎̝̪̙̝͚͈̟͍̫͚̟̝̮̳͔̭̩͖͇͈͚̤͔͓͉̹̗̗̜͚̥̙̮̪̱̹͖̿̑̇̄́̂̄́̑͋̔̾̔̑́͒̓̋͒̋̾̑̋͗͒̆̊͐̃͊͆̅̇͛̎͌̈͌̉́́͗̇̇͛̏̉̈́͋͆̐͆̆̈́̋̕͠͠͠͝͝͠͝͝͝͝͠F̵̨̡̢̛͎̤̭̙̟̤̭͖̻̤͓̪̠͎̦̮̺̼͕̘̦͍̟̘̞͍̠͓̯̒̇̿̏͒̋̽̇̎͂̔̇͆̄̒̒͊͋͂͌̐̎̋̀̍̇̒͋͗̄͐̄̀̈́̏̐̀͐̾̐͊̌̈̚͘̚͜͝͝͠O̷̧̢̡̧͓͓̜̹͇̭̟̮̣̝̗̞̭̜̠̫͉̞̹̙̠̱̬̙͙̖̗͖͍̳̪͕̲̪̙͎̿̑̅̋̇͋͐͗̅̓͊̔̽̆̑̂͊͂͂͗͗̿͜ͅƯ̴̧̛̭͚̦͖̟̲͈̝̤͎̻̦͇̰̪̜̟̣̹͍̹̻̻͙̣̻̠͙̣̦̲̥̙̪̦͍̣͖̗̗̠̰͖͖̹̜̏̈́̔̏̓̈́͐̈́͒͆̈͐̈́́̿̈̈́̈́͆̇́̉̎̈́̌̐̔͑̅̒̇̑̃̾̈̃͆̏͑̓͐̓͑̋̽̍̂̈́̏̎͘͘̚̕̚͘̕͜͜͝͝͠͝͝͝͝͝G̵̗͔̰̻̩̬̲̻̰͉̯̣̣̝̘̫͖͔̭̣͔̫̮͇̲̦̪̘̟̖̝͎̗͔͓̜̮̼̱͚͓̖͇͚͕̫͍͙̬̻̗̙͇̱̰͉̬̞̩̦̒́͆͌͗̈̈́̿̂͊̾̿̓͋͜͜ͅͅH̴̢̨̡̧͙̟̼̭̦̮͉̤̦̙͕̜̙̞̗̎̒͗͝T̶̡̛̪͉̥̪͇͕͎͖̮͓̻͇̗̗̤̹̰̝̭͆͗̀͊̉̄͑̂͆͒́̽̈́́̂̋̊ ̵̛̛͍̪̲̳̼̻͚̼͓̗̰̹͚͉̝̤̹͖̦͕̫̥̤͔̊̾̽̓̅̈́͛͗̅̐̌͑͒̿̔͆̂͐͋́̀͌̆̓̿͂̈́̈́́͠Ş̴̧̧̛̛͕̰̘̫͍̠̲̦̖̮̞̤̺̦͎͙̯̤̈̌̊́̋͆͛̽̓̃̿̊͒̐̄̒͊̊̈́͊̈́̿̍͐̕͘͘̕͝͝Ǫ̷̨̟͖̤̯̥͍͚̼̜͎̣̰̬͇̱̭̤̥̻̘̣̩̖̻͈͈͍̯͈̖̤̣̯̇͆̃͌̌̇͒̊͐̐̀͠ ̶̧̨̨̢̡͕̙͖̦̙̗̠̰̗̯͍̩̝̝̣̹͎̺͙̪̼̻͓̳͖̯̝̮̞̠̖̤͇͕̮͓̬̤̜͇͓̍̎͆̄̀̕̕͜͜͝ͅH̷̡̢̢̧̧̧̛̛̫̝̹̮̭̳̦͙̟̪̮̮͍͖̘͓̹͑̈́̓̑̐̏͒̈́̔͒̈́͆̇̿͗̆̕̕͜͜͝͠͠ͅÂ̶̧̨̧̛̘̳͚̙͍̩̙͈͕̠̺̳͙̠͚̖͉̱̖̙̥͚̭̺̞̬̦̖̤̙͙̼̘̳̮̝̖̲̤̩͕͔͖̼͔̈͋̈́̒̃͗͊͂̅͊̒̋̐̔̅͛̾̓̒̈͂̈́͊̿̑̑̓̓̽̒̾̉͌͒͑̎͌̓̏͆͌̽̐̊̐͘̕͜͝͝͠͝͠͝ͅͅR̷̨̧̧͚̗̪̳̫͖̥̭̮̥͇̟̼̠͉̲̞̗̦̬̪͎͓͔̼̮̥̲̟̙̭͈̃̑̉̕͘͜͜D̸̡̛̲̲͖͓̯͍̹͎͎͇̱̹̭͍̦̮̹͙̗͈̠̖͖̖̺͇͉͓̫̣͍̲̘͕͉͈̤̘̜̥̋͛̅̄̒͋͑̋̕͜͝͝ ̷̡̛̛͈̞̹̞̰͔̺̭̩͕̊͐͌̈̓͐͐̎̍̽͐̇̆̉̀͌̊̏̃̈́͂̍̐̈́̑͋̇̚̕͠ͅŤ̶̢̧̢̨̧̨̡̢̢̡̧̨̡̠͕̝̻͇̤͈̫̬̙͚̩̖͍̘͙̖̠͎̻͔̞̻̯̤͚̩̥̞̺̫̹̻̖̤̜͇͓̩̖̬̜͖̖̪̼̯̳̣͙͕̜̣̙̼͓̠̆͐̂̅͐͌̽͌̏͊̒̈́̓̅͒̈́̈́̾͒̆̅̆̈̉̋̈́͑̒̇̾͐̾̃̆̽͂̀̂̓̔̑͋̋͌͒̎̆̇̂͗̽̉̇͗͂̇̚͘̚͜͠͝͝Ō̶̢̪̼̒̑̿̅̓̎̌̽̓̍̀̈̍̐͑̑͗̍̀̽͋̕͜͝ͅ ̶̨̨̧̧̛̘̭̰̭̜̤̜͓̗͔͍̩̺̦̼̳̬̪̥͍̮͔͕̯̖̘͖̩͈̰̘̬̝͍̤͇̪͚͎͍͚̤̝̪̟͉͙͉̹̍̓̐̀͌̏̇̅͋̆̉̑͌͒̋̈́̈́̈͗͗͑̂̈́̽́̄̏͂̉̋͒̈́̓̐̃̋̈́̒̌͌͂̑́͗̔̎̀͋̓́̑͘̚͜͜͝͝W̷̨̛̛̖͉̞̩̫͖̝̞̰͉̼̄̆̾̈́̏̊̈́̽̑͗̂͌̓̔̋̐͆̀̌́̍̓̔͆̇̆͛̆̾͒̔͛͒͛͒͒̇̈́̊̇͒̒̒͂̅̓̇̋̆͑̍̎̓͋̋͗̆̚̕͘̚͘͝͠͝͠͠I̸̢̨̨̹̝̤͔̣͍̦͔͖̲̻͍͚̞͚̰͈̣̪͎̳̼̺͓̣̞̝̯̪͔̳̪͚͈̪͌̍̃͛̾̈́̈́̽͑̅̐͑̆̎̿͘͜͜͜͝͝ͅͅṄ̷̢̡̨̢͖̙̪̼̘̼̺̞͈̖͉̱̲̮̮͙̣̙̻͎̮̘͇̠͖̹̲̪̦̤̞̬̹͇͍͉̹͍̜͇͇͍͎̟̭̳̮͙̠̬̙̟̪̹̲̝̫̞͔͆̐͐̄̈̓͗̀̑̆͋̌͐̉̿̓̂̎̄̚͜͝ͅ:̵̡̛̛̛͕̝̹̱̥͍̬̱̝̺̥̟̺͕̹̐̎̔͆͒̈́̾̿̆̆̆͂̂̅̇̒̌̑̈̅͛͂̔̇̇̄̇͌̎͂̚̚̕͠͠ ̴̨̢̡̨̧̛̛̦̭̞͈̦̹̬͎̳͉̼̖̦̬̳̱̠̯͎͕͙̰͇͇̘̒̇̓͑̔̇̐̽̆̃̋̾̉̽͒͌͋̈̋̑̿̅̒͗̾͋̀͌̏̾̄͑̈́͐͒̔͆͌͒̈́͛̊̒̏̂̓͗̋̃̍̍̊̕͘̕͘͜͝͝͝͝͝͠͝͠͝ͅͅY̶̮͖̼͉͔̝͕͈͔̲͉͛̃̾̒̄͊̂̐̓͊̉̓̀̈́̐̂̆̈́̕͘̕͜͝͝͠Ơ̴̢̧̨̛͕̣͈̳̼̯̠̺̲̺̤͔̜̹̳̺̫̥͍̠͚̠̗̥̌̄̽͆͐̃̐̽̑̈́̿̏̒̐̐͌̃̔̂͐͛̾͗́̀̽͐̑͋̉̒̌̽̃͋͊̽̐̔̓̊̑̿͂͌͋̎̽͘̚̚̚͘͠͝͝͝ͅͅƯ̴̛̛̗̯̈́̏̒̈͒̋̐̊̽͂̇̍̔͗̃̓̾͋͋̌͆̽̀̽̈́͂͒̿͛̄̒̅͑̌̅̌̎̆͐̅̆̐͛̍͋͌̍͌̃̄̿̕͘̚̕͠͝͝͝R̸̡̧̧̡̧̡̢̨̫̠̖͓̩̫̰̘̝͙̝̝̬̳̹͕͕̻̗͚̱̼̠͕̦̲̬̘͈̘̥̦̥͍̻̰͇̖̠̞͖̘̩̰̰̣͖̥̤̼̤̫̱̤͍̫̔̾̅̋͌̆͐͒̋̂̈́͆̆͐̇͂̇̍̍̓͋̿͗̈͊͌͌̃͋͆̈́̔̔̃̒͛̚̕̚͜͝͝͠ͅͅ ̶̨̧̖̼̘̞̹͖̗͙̖͕̳̦̘̠̯̫͕̭͓̻̪̺̜̩̜̥̯͎̞̙̰̤̞̰̰̳̲̗̂͋̒̓̆͋͒̉̆̓͘͝ͅͅŅ̴̨̢̨̢̧̨̡̧̧̡̡̛̛̛̝̣̣͇̜̖͕͙̭̟̼̹̠͍̘̜̲͓̳͇̩̩̼̻̺͍̰̟͈͕̱͕͔̖͍̘̜̹͓̻̮̗͓͈͂̏̑̿̋̈́͊̇̋̃̎̽͊̅̌̄̍́̓̋́̈̋̑̽̅͂̓͗̃̒̆͒͗̒̈́̃̌̐̇͂̇͑̄̓͋̔̀͑̉̄̈́̿̈́̈́̕̕̚͜͠͝ͅͅĒ̵̢̡̡̧̳͕̰̮͕̼̘̘̮̠̪̭̥̞̤͔̣̖̜͎̭͇̯̹̖͔̞̟̲̼̠̙̪̼͙̬͇̭̮͖͕̤̈́̏̐͌̎́̒͗̇̆͒̈́́̓̐͐͐̋̑̏̒̍̆͆̆̈́́̈́͆̓̂̊̂͂̈́͂̀̽͛̐̆̃̐̓̆̋͘͜͝͝ͅW̷̧̢̡̨̧̡̛̗̭̳͙͖͚̞͚̱͓̥̫̘̰͔̦͎̟̳̠̤̘̰̳͚̮̜̪͖͈͉͉̳͕̪̼͕̥̺̙̳̞͈̙̰̮̼͕͉̤͈̥͉̗͇͍͎̅̐̈͊̅̓͂̊̿̒̓̑̿̾͋̽̄͐͑͊̄͐̒̓̊̾̃͗̑́̐̈́̆̃̇̍͑̋̍̊̾̅́̀͒̉̂́͆̀̓̽̂̕͘̕͜͜͜͝͝͝͝͠͠͝͝ͅͅͅ ̸̧̨̧̤̹̟̝̠͇̜̩̠̱̣̩̤͓̱͈̠̯͎͓͕̬͇̘͕̞̤͎̯̰̖̬͍̝͈͚͂̈́̏̽̆̿̃̂̆̐̈́̉̒͋͗̚͝͝͝ͅĤ̴̢̨̢̧̨̼̺̻̱͍̦̣͕̬̰̺̻̹̗̹̗͕̼͚̳͚͈͓͎͉̫̼̫̖͚͓̗̺͎̮͔̲͕̦̯͕͍̖͎̞͈̜̞̠̣̘͎̳̳̥̜́̅̔̓͗̈́̌͋͌̌̒̈̄͗̂̏̇͂͑̈́̿̈̅̾̈́̍͆̌̉͒̏͐̐͊̈́̂͛̒̈́̄͐̂̐̿̿͛͒̍͗̓͛̊̾̊̕̚̕͘̚̚̕͜͝͝͝͠ͅͅO̷̳͇̹̖͔̼͂̆̑̏̈́̋̒̄̓͂͊͛̂̍̍̏͒M̶̢̨̧̨̢̛̘̗̜̰̦̜̭̳̳̱̞͓̫͖̯̤̺̗̬͎̲̳͕̜̺̮̰̗͖̟͓̖̠̖̝͚̗̙̥̭̫͕̲̮̰̞͎̜̝̲̯̻͇̲̩̑̓͌̎̔͒̈̍͆̈́͗̃̓̾͐̽̃̿̍͗̓̔̈͛̏̇̈́̀́̌̎͛͑͌̐͆͑͗̈́̃̆͛̈́́̽̈͊̿̄̔͂̐͒̆͋̍͋̀̚̕͘̕͘͜͜͠Ę̸̢̧̢̢̡̡̧̖͉̲̫̭̲̰͙̹̗̲̰̳͍̥̘̣̙̣͓̮̮͍̻̲͎͙̯̖̜͚͙̫̲̣̼͇͇̥̞̯̪̙͓̼̑͑͂̿̇͆̋̈́̾̄̾͛̕̕͜͝ͅ.̸̧̻͔̼͍̼̠̮͚͈̠͓̮̱̣̥̰̣͍͓͚̲̤̯̺̦̜̙̖͉͕̯̭̠̹̰̗͓̝̾̑̒͊̈́̄̉̂̾͑̈̇̓͌̈́̈́̃̃͌͆̆̽̒̔͛̋̚͝>

Pearl pulls out some sort of gigantic cannon-microphone hybrid device, telling me she can take it from here. She screams into the thing, causing it to fire a massive pink beam of ink at the statue that intercepts the salvo of green genetic sludge firing out of the statue’s mouth. I realize after a few seconds that Tartar is about to win out, so I get up close to the weapon and add my own voice to the other girl’s. The two of us are able to overpower Tartar’s blast, destroying the statue with our own.

(İ̸̢̧̢̡̢̧̹̳͍̲̼̲̭̹̠̤̬̻͓̖̮͔̹͍͚͚͔̻̻̲̪̤̬͕̼̼͕̬́͆̔̍̓͋͋̑̈́́͒̏̐̒͋̔̍͋̈́̏̌̀̈́͛͑͗̓̐͛̏̃̊̆͒͗̆̐͛͆͊͊̕͝͝ͅ ̴̢͈̮̹͆͋̇͒͛̌̅͛͛̊̆̽̆͑́̃̆̃̏̾̈́͗̋̾̑̌̽͊͐̓̇̈́̆́̕̕̕̕͝W̸̛͍͍̠͚͖̻͔̩͇̅̍̂̑̄͑͊̆̏̾Ĩ̶̢̢̢̢̨̢̹̹͚̳̯̩̼͉̦͉̺̜͉͕̯͙̦̬̳̘͔̯͚͚͕̬͕̻̹̠͓̹͕̰͈̠̘͖̗͔̯̣̤̖̲̰̤͉͖͔̞̣̲̬̥͈̙̭͉̙͓͇͔͚̤͉̜͉̟̪͉̟̪̹̬͛̂̆͊̎̂́̎̄͊͂̉́̎́̄̊͐͛̀̂͑̍̀͑̎̆̌́͂̒̕͘͘̚͜͜͠͝͠͠͝ͅĻ̸̢̡̧̪̩̟̥̬̤̞̞͓͓̟́̇́͗̒̒̂̀̆̉̈́̓̉͑́́́͋̇͂̑͛̃̓̎̏̅͑͑͆͛̓̎͒̇̔͌̄̔̎̂̒͂̈́̂́̅̂͛̆̔̄̕͘͘̚͝ͅL̶̢̢̢̧̨̡̨̧̯͎̦̜̬̳͙̣̣̱̭͍͔͇̥̖͔͎̺͉̭͔̼̣̮͚̪͈̦̹̦̱͈̬͎̞̥͈͔̻̣̯̙͇̻̣̤̝̹̼̼̣̩̭͕͂̑̐̈́̿͜͝ͅͅ ̷̨̢̨̧̨̡̧̢̨̛̛̛̭̱͕̗̩̞̯̤̩̙̪̯͉͚̩͇̪̭̻̰̻̲͙̻̯͇̗̺̯̫͚̜̫̦̗͎̲͎̼̘̪̟̙̮̼̘̜̠̭̗͇͔̟̦͕͎̭̬̙̪̇͋͒̓́̋̏̐̃̍̐́͗̾̎̎̒̔͋̅͆͌̾̌̽̓̂́̽̊͆̋́͂̈́̍̀̑̆̍͂̈́̎̈̽͐͂̌̇̔͋̊̄͑̎̾̏͗͌̕͜͜͝͝͝͠͝͝͝Ņ̵̡̧̧̧̣̦̗̪̱̘̺͍͙̭̰͉̘͓̞̖͚̘̜͓̱̪͈̫̥̞͈̭̩͈̰͎͍̝̩͕̱͓̹̺̤̟̃̃̆͜͜Ę̵̧̨̧̢̛̛̠͕̤̥̖̞̱̺̭͙͇͉̫͔̳̪̗̰̯̜̗̘̱̳̠̜͓̪̥̱̤̞̞̲̩̗̼͇̪̝͈̼̙̤̝̲͙̳̗̮̰͉̹͉̳̱̩̜̫̰̪͎̼͈͈̖͖̻́̅̈́͂̿̒͆̃̈͋̽̌͂̋̅͋̑͐̂̃̾̒̃̓̔͑͘̚̚͘͜͠ͅͅV̷̛͙̩̤̲̠̝͎̝͆͂̈́̊͑̈́̀̎͗̒̈͌̇̏̄̓̊̓͑̊̈̏̉̎̊̊̋͋͌̿͊͊̑͂͗̌̒̿̄̃̚̕͘͝͝E̶̡̡̨̡̨̧̢̨̧̡̢̗̖̪̮̩͎̳̝̳̞͕̮̻͍̠͉̭̙̼̥̪͎͎̭̼̭̤̩̰̰͖͓̯̣̻͍̟̘̭̝̱̺̞͎̻̠͈̮̤̘̥̙̗̰̰̙̬̗͇̘̫̣̞̙̖̜̿̑̿̈͊͛ͅͅͅR̸̡̨̧̨̛̛̛͙̲̗̲̻̳̝̼̗͉͍̠̭͖̞͚̼̩̠͓̝̻̩͕̱̝̯̦̞̺̯̣̠͈̬͖̭̣̭͕̘̬̘̩̺͚͍͈͇͔͔̼̝̫̗̝̼̔̈́̒̎͑͋͌͒͑͂̆̊̂͐̓̒̅̉̌̊͑̓́̊̇̐̐̏͆͂͐̿̆̊͆̽̈́̑̈͋̒̾͂̏̈́̈́̒̈̍̋̉́̒̏̈́̅̓͊̀́̂̎̽̓̋͆̉͆̎̅͌͐͗͊̽͑͆̆̕͘̚͘͘͝͠͠ͅͅͅ ̷̛͎̺̼͔̠̂̀̽̾͛̈́͗͌̈́̓̂̂̓̒͐͒̄̅̏͆́́̓͒̊̓̂̑̄̍̆̓̓̌̚̕͜͠͠͝͝ͅͅD̵̢̧̧̨̢̛̛̛̛̺͇̳̪̤̥̺̘̪͙̳̦̠̲̻̩̱̰̳̞̝̬̜̫̩͈̗̱̠̭͇͇̥̬̻͔̠͎͇̪̲̭̘̺̰͈͓̘̺̜̭͓̪͙̭͚̘̭̘͓͚̯͔̬̲̘̩̯̗̩͕̝͍̜̮͖͔̫̤̀̈̀͛̎͑̆̊͌͑̇̈́̄͑̽̊̋͋̃͛̈͂̆̈̍̆͛̓͗͊̉̄̂̌̓̊̒̕͘͜͝͝ͅǏ̵̧̧̢̧̡̡̧̛̻̺̫̯͙̣̩͖̠̞͓̪̤̜͍̰̙͈͖͉͈̭̹͚̩̫̹̼̲̮̲̝̥̣͍̦̫̣͎͉̹̘̟̬͕͕̬̠͓̙͍̞̼̖̖̬̯̖̗͂̄̽͒̏̑̈̈́̅̋̈́̃͗̃̄͌̀͐̓̈͒̑̇͆́̌̏̋͒͋͆̈́̓͒̊͋̽̏̅̎̾̎͐̇̎͌̈́̍͒̂̊̍͐͋̅͘͜͜͝͝͝͝͠͝E̵̛̦̮̩̼͔̥͍̞͉̘̫̦̤͚͈̩̼̅̾̍̇̃̎̇̋̌̋̈́̈́͒̏̌͐̐̆̉̎̿͆̓͒̔͋̇͋̏̑̄̕̚͘͘͜͝͠.̵̧̧̡̛̬͍̟̭̜̯͍̱͈̠̘̭͖̖̫̹̝̮̪̰̙͎͍̤̋̓͊̒̓̌̓͛͗̈̑̔̿̅͐͂̓͊̇͐͗͛̊̾̅̅̉̈́̾͛͛̆͌̾͐̇̾̔͘̕͜͜͠ͅ>

While the four of us are celebrating, I see agent 3 starting to stir from her slumber, evidently woken up by the sound of our battle. She looks confused, then horrified. I wonder if she was aware while being controlled as we return to the ground. We get into a van apparently owned by Pearl and Marina, the old man telling us they’ll be dropping us off at the base of what he calls the new squidbeak splatoon. It’s apparently the best militia group in the city, overseen by the old man-Craig Cuttlefish, I remember. Agent 3 properly introduces herself, telling me her real name is Lauren and confirming my suspicions she’s a member of this group. After about an hour, she hands me her phone and explains she’s set up a separate chat section for me to use. Cuttlefish contacts who he calls agent 1, his granddaughter apparently, while Marina keeps driving. I get a text from her giving me agent 4’s number, and I text him immediately.

After somewhere around 5 or 6 minutes of me and Lauren passing the phone between us texting agent 4, I realize how exhausted I am after the day I’ve had. At some point, I realize I must’ve fallen asleep before we’ve arrived. I wake up to the other girl-Lauren, I take a second to remember-shaking me and telling me to get up. She explains that Pearl, Marina, and Cuttlefish went to their own residences along with agents 1 and 2, Cuttlefish’s granddaughters. The agents’ base is abandoned for the night, and she invites me to pull an all-nighter with her and agent 4 as a sort of initiation. Having just gotten a decent rest in the car, I happily accept. We enter the base through a manhole cover in the corner of the square, and I see that the place really is sparse. Still, there’s a nice, homey feel to it, and the boy sitting on the couch seems happy enough to see us. “So, I’m guessing you’re agents 3 and 8.” He holds out his hand expectantly, and I shake it. “Yeah. Name’s Katherine.” “Marcus. Nice to finally meet you two in person. Me and Lauren already had a chat while you were asleep.” “Oh.” I realize something. “Hey, about me being a-” “Relax, your new friend told me you’re an octoling. We’ve agreed we can trust you.” I can’t help but smile. “Thanks. I swear I won’t let you two down.” Lauren gently elbows me in the side. “Hey, you already saved me and the world from that psychotic phone. As far as I’m concerned, you’ve earned our trust.” She turns over to agent 4. “Heard you beat octavio; Callie told me all about it. Not half bad, kid.” “Please, it was nothing. Now, why don’t we sit down and you two can tell me about that psychotic phone before watching some movies.” “Sounds good.” I agree. We spend an hour or two exchanging stories about Octo Valley and the Deepsea Metro before watching a movie. It’s an action schlock flick with no legitimate value, and the three of us riffing on it are the best two hours I can remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy fourth of July.


	33. the diary of agent 3

Lauren Laker 

Jul 7, 2018

Happy birthday to me. Now that I’ve turned 14, I can finally move out of my house. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love my parents and little sister. It’ll just be nice to get my own place. My sister, Wendy, gave me this diary for my birthday last week, so I figure I may as well use it. I’ve never really considered using one of these things, but Wendy’s adorable so I figure I can humor her. Anyway, I’ve just finished packing so now I think I just have to say my goodbyes before getting on the train.

Lauren Laker 

Jul 14, 2018

I’ve moved to Inkopolis, the biggest city in the world. The rent here is insane, so I’ve had to get a job at this place called Shrimp Kicks. I admit, I’m not really into shoes that much, but the owner’s cool at least. He’s this prawn guy named Crusty Sean, and he’s actually really nice. I’m not even sure if customers come here for the actual shoes or the service. The best part is I got my first paycheck yesterday, and it’s actually pretty decent. The way I see it, I might be able to get a raise if I work hard enough, so hopefully I’ll be able to pay my rent on time. Of course, there’s always groceries to worry about.

Lauren Laker 

Jul 21, 2018

Good news, I’ve already managed to get a raise. Crusty Sean said I was the best employee he had right now. Of course, it’s a small store, so I’m also his only employee right now, but still. With this raise, I should finally be able to afford a decent place instead of that rundown-old rat farm they somehow called a house.

Lauren Laker 

Jul 28, 2018

I’ve seen a few turf wars lately, including today. We had them back at my old town, but I was never old enough to participate before I moved here. I don’t think they were nearly this elaborate anyway, since I lived in a pretty low-key town. I’ve seen the hosts too, these girls named Callie and Marie, that call themselves the squid sisters. They seem cool, and surprisingly down-to-earth for a couple of celebrities. Apparently, they’re also pop singers as well as newscasters and turf war hosts. Not sure how that works, but okay.

Lauren Laker 

Aug 4, 2018

I’m not sure if I should be writing all this down, but I don’t plan on showing this to anyone so hey, what could possibly go wrong? Anyway, I saw this old man near a manhole. He told me his name was captain cuttlefish, and he wanted me to help him fight the octarian menace. Of course, I thought he was full of it since the octarians are extinct. But then he showed me video footage of a bunch of octarians stealing the great zapfish with some planes, and I decided I could trust him. I was actually wondering where the great zapfish went after it disappeared a couple days earlier, and without the city’s main power source, well, I’m no expert, but it probably won’t end well. Anyway, turns out his granddaughters, those newscasters callie and marie, and he founded a group they call the new squidbeak splatoon a couple years ago to protect Inkopolis from octarian invasion. Yeah, real bang-up job there. Still, they seem trustworthy enough and I figure if they think I can help them, I may as well join up with them.

Lauren Laker 

Sep 1, 2018

I know I haven’t written anything down in a month, but that’s because I’ve been really busy between my actual job and secret agent work. They’ve decided to codename me agent 3, and yesterday I finally managed to make it to the octarians’ main base. Their leader, this guy who calls himself DJ octavio, tried to fight me with a giant mech, but all his bombs moved slow enough that I was able to shoot them back at him and dodge whatever he threw at me I couldn’t deflect. Long story short, I managed to destroy his mech and bring him to our base. He’s being held there, since we figured the octarians would try to break him out of prison if we held him there, so a more remote location seemed like a good idea. Besides, this way we can keep a closer eye on him so he doesn’t escape. At least, that’s what the captain told us.

Lauren Laker 

Sep 8, 2018

I’ve been wanting to try out some new hobbies lately, so I’ve decided to become a musician under the moniker DJ Sango. Callie’s offered to teach me, and she’s honestly pretty nice. Same with her cousin, Marie, though she’s got a slightly rougher exterior. 

Lauren Laker 

Sep 15, 2018

DJ Sango is no more. Let us never speak of this again.

Lauren Laker 

Aug 31, 2020

I decided to keep this thing in a lockbox hidden in the base, but I guess I must’ve hidden it too well since I forgot about it until just a few minutes ago. A month ago, the captain and I decided to go on patrol in the subway, where we encountered an octoling. I don’t really remember much of what happened, but the next thing I knew I was in a dark, musty tunnel with graffiti all over it. I just started walking around until I came to an alcove, or an opening, or whatever it was. Inside there was what could only be described as the weirdest bar I’ve ever been to. Of course, I’m 16 so I haven’t been to many bars, but I’m pretty sure they don’t usually have jellyfish with dozens of heads branching out of a single neck, or double my height with exposed brains and shoulders wide enough for me to lie down on, guys with long floppy noses and dead vacant eyes, these big blob things with permanent scowls and gigantic noses, multicolored clams with beady eyes, some legless things with triangular heads, and other things I’m honestly not sure how to describe with words. The bartender was one of the giant muscley guys, and when I tried to leave he pointed at me, yelled something about an interloper, and then I was fighting the entire bar of a couple dozen patrons. Honestly, I’m pretty confident in my fighting, but if those guys were actually competent I honestly don’t think I would’ve survived. Lucky for me, they weren’t exactly the brightest bunch. Apparently, none of them had actually seen a real inkling before me, since my shapeshifting completely stunned them. For whatever reason, my ink-based attacks had no effect on any of them, so I had to resort to martial arts. I kicked the smaller clam-looking ones away, and then jumped on top of one of the big clear-headed guys. I grabbed his weird horn-looking things and started pulling on them. That must’ve gotten him really riled up, since he started flailing his arms around and punching the others in the face. The bartender jumped over the counter and decked the dude I was riding, so I had to jump away before my legs got crushed under him. One of the triangle-heads tried to bite my head off, but I somehow managed to dodge and punch him in the face. I jumped up to roundhouse kick another triangle-head in the face. I saw their lower bodies-Just one long thing like some giant hell snake-were pointed upwards, so I did the only natural thing and grabbed them, throwing them at the other patrons. They were too heavy for me to throw them all that far, but they still knocked into a couple of other guys anyway. While I was distracted, one of the guys with the exposed brains pimp-slapped me into one of the blob freaks. He didn’t seem all that interested in actually trying to fight me, but he held me down while the bartender came up to us, looking like he was about to turn me inside-out. The blob guy had a much stronger grip than he had any right to with those spindly arms, or maybe I was just stuck in his fat, and the other guy’s arms were long enough to punch my lights out before I could hope to kick his junk(There’s a pleasant mental image), so I did the next best thing and bit down hard on the blob guy’s nose. I swear, I’ll never forget the taste. Rotting fish, moldy bread, and worm-infested apples, all rolled into one disgusting package. I felt something wet on my tongue, like the guy was bleeding into my mouth. I made sure not to swallow the stuff until the guy finally let me go. The muscle-bound thug must not have realized I’d gotten away until he punched the blob in its stomach. Or maybe they just didn’t like each other, I dunno. Either way, I spat the nose-blood on the face of the muscle guy, jumping up onto his neck and strangling him. His neck was too thick, and he managed to grab me and start slamming me into the wall. By some miracle, I managed to turn into a squid long enough to slip out of his hand, and after that it was mostly just a bunch of punching and kicking until I was the last one standing. I saw a tattered old curtain covering up the door to the kitchen area, and I decided it’d make a nice cape to commemorate my victory. I cleaned the thing in the sink, spray-painted a number 3 on it, and tied it around my neck so it draped over my shoulders. I grabbed some pre-cooked food from the kitchen and put it in a bag I found on the table. After that, I was mostly just walking through the endless darkness, losing track of time, eating my weird-tasting rations, and hoping I didn’t run into any other freaks in the dark. Eventually, I managed to get somewhere above where I started out. The floor was made of glass, and I could see the captain and the octoling from earlier stepping into a giant blender. I just started kicking at the floor until it finally gave out from under me, and the next thing I knew I was waking up next to the captain and the ruins of the giant blender. He told me he teamed up with the octoling and called her agent 8, and that a talking phone had tricked them into nearly getting killed by a giant blender. Seriously, I know the captain’s getting old but still. Anyway, the two of us tried to find an alternate path to catch up with agent 8. After some time, The phone woke up, or rebooted, or whatever, and just started floating. It planted itself on a post and started blaring like a siren. After that, everything was a blur until I was surrounded by these funky-looking octolings with their tentacles looking like they were covered in goop, and there was this massive, uncomfortable weight on one side of my head. Everything I saw was tinted green, and I just started tying up the captain. I can still remember how horrified I was when I realized the phone was mind-controlling me. I could still tell what was going on, but I couldn’t control anything I did no matter how hard I tried. It was like I had to scream, but didn’t have a mouth. I did everything that thing forced me to until I was at this floating white arena standing on top of a flying saucer with the captain tied up directly under me. I waited, mentally screaming at the phone to let me go. I’m honestly not sure if mind-control is the right term here, because my mind was the only thing I could still control. I stayed there like a statue for some time, losing track as I internally struggled for control. At some point, agent 8 managed to reach the arena, and I had no choice but to jump down and attack her. We started fighting until I pinned her to this post-looking thing jutting out on top of the arena. While she was struggling, I tried to do something to get her to realize I didn’t want to hurt her, but I couldn’t so much as twitch my eye without the phone’s permission. The octoling managed to kick me away from her, and at some point we both lost our weapons. She actually managed to get away from me long enough to get behind me and grab my cape to start choking me. In hindsight, I probably should’ve recognized that possibility when I tied it around my neck, but I’m honestly glad I didn’t. Agent 8 must’ve been able to knock me out and get that phone out of my head, and I don’t think I’ll be able to repay her in full for that. When I woke up, we were flying over Inkopolis with the captain and two singer girls, Pearl and Marina. They told me they’d managed to get in contact with the captain when they found a walkie-talkie connected to his, and they’d been guiding agent 8 through the Deepsea Metro for the past month. She told me her real name was Katherine, and she’d regained her memories after escaping the place. Pearl and Marina got the five of us into their car and took us to the new squidbeak splatoon‘s base. The three of them went to their own places, so me, Kat, and agent 4-this guy named Marcus-were free to pull an all-nighter. Marcus and Katherine are already asleep, so I’ve taken the opportunity to write this all down. I feel like it’s healthy to get this stuff off my chest, so I’m grateful for this little diary. I’m getting tired, so I’m just going to put this back in hiding and get to bed myself.


	34. the flesh that hates

“Please, someone tell me you’ve got something because I still haven’t found any information.” Fred called out to his fellow serpent’s hand members. A couple weeks ago, after they’d brought agents 3, 4, and 8 back to their dimension, Craig had requested for them to return to the Wanderer's Library and see if they could research something called Khahrahk. So far, the only thing they knew was that some dream SCP had appeared to a foundation scientist and told him khahrahk had something to do with the multiverse being at risk of destruction. “This isn’t right!” Dana threw several books on the ground. “Usually the Wanderer’s Library provides information to whoever needs it, but it’s as if even this place has no idea what khahrahk is!” “Maybe it’s above the library’s paygrade.” Fred suggested. “Something so far beyond everything else that-” “Let’s hope not.” Jack said, apprehensively. “If that’s the case, I don’t see how we can stop it. I mean, I don’t like teaming up with the jailors, but I also don’t like the idea of the multiverse being eradicated.” At that moment, a portal opened behind them. It wasn’t a Way, but rather a piece of foundation tech. Agent 4 came through, a strange humanoid squid creature apparently referred to as an inkling. “Guys, call off your research for now. We’re having a team meeting.” The party of five walked through the portal to the home base of the new squidbeak splatoon, where several people and inklings were gathered around a table. “Marcus, serpent’s hand, welcome back. I’ve sent Callie and Sheldon out to the other dimensions to gather our allies there. Namely, the Bailey triplets and dr. Clef.” Marie explained. “I still say we shouldn’t team up with Clef.” Pearl snarled. “Understood, but we need to put aside our differences for the time being. With potential access to SCPs, Octavio is more dangerous than ever.” Craig reminded her. “Okay, but I say if we split up we put him with other foundation scientists.” “Fair enough.” The captain agreed. A foundation-made portal opened, Callie, Sheldon, the Baileys, Clef, a dog, and another guy coming through. “Hey guys, we’re back!” Callie announced. “Look what we found!” “Who’s the new guy?” Katherine asked, noticing he looked vaguely familiar. “Dr. Jonathan West. I’m a scientist working at site-87 in Sloth's Pit.” “Yeah, I remember you!” Katherine recalled. “You were the guy who caught the flying toilet paper a few years ago, weren’t you?” “I-yes, yes, I suppose that is how I introduced myself to you three.” Marie tried to process the conversation. “Flying...Toilet? Sure, why not?” “It looks to me like there’s about two dozen of us here. That should be more than enough to take down Octavio.” Sheldon said happily. “Hey, little crab guy. There’s not just two dozen. I’ve managed to convince the people of New IKEA to lend our aid. Turns out, a lot of them are grateful to your group for helping us escape that place.” “We know, man. Just one question: If you’re all so happy to get out of the infinite IKEA, why would you name your new civilisation after it?” Marcus asked. Shotgun just shrugged. “Well, there’s about 50 or so people advising me, so we haven’t actually thought up a name yet. After your friends got done with that peace visit, we announced the name New IKEA as a temporary placeholder and everyone was pretty much just on board with it. Of course, the guys who lived in the wilderness survival and construction parts of the store have been the most helpful in expanding our territory.” “Well, the upside to your place being exposed to our public is that if your territory starts to get close to ours, we should be able to negotiate some borders. Plus, if you guys need any help, we’ll be happy to provide, especially since you're helping us out here.” Callie started. “Now, though, we should probably go over our battle plan. Marie?” “Right.” The grey-haired agent stepped up to the front of the group. Their party had grown much too large for the shack, so they’d established their meeting outside in the main part of the base. “Octavio has escalated his attacks recently, first by unleashing a murderous demigod on a turf war match, and secondly by manipulating a reality-warping child into attacking us, though he seemed to be primarily using her against Marina. If I had to guess, he was probably trying to get back at her for defecting from his tech division. In any case, we need to take the fight to him, make sure he can’t cause any more damage than he already has. Otherwise, it’ll only be a matter of time before he sends out something we can’t counter.” “Alright, but do we have any idea where he is?” Clef asked. “Because last time I checked, we hadn’t exactly narrowed it down all that well.” “I’m afraid you really have been gone a while.” Craig chuckled. “Over the past few weeks, I’ve been trying to track down Octavio. Yesterday, we finally succeeded.” “Hey, now, don’t hog all the credit, cap. After all, don’t forget whose drones you were using.” Marina pointed out. “Quite right, child. Now, we have managed to narrow Octavio’s location to this area.” He pointed to a blank projection screen. “Oh for goodness’ sake, how does this thing work exactly?” “Observe, my technologically taxed grandfather.” Callie turned to the group, grinning. “Don’t you just love the smell of fresh alliteration in the morning?” She took a photo out of the drawer on the desk holding the projection stand, placing it under the projection and turning it on. The screen showed a map of octo valley, with a red circle near one of the corners. “This is where we estimate octavio to be hiding out. He’s probably lost most of his followers over the past couple of years, but he’s still got his supporters. Not to mention, if he uses an SCP against us, we’ve gotta be ready for anything.” “Alright, then, why don’t we just go in guns blazing?” Kondraki asked. “I mean, the sooner we get this guy over and done with, the sooner we can get to figuring out what this whole Khahrahk thing is. Speaking of which, you hand folks have any luck yet?” Dana shook her head. “I’m afraid not. All the infinite knowledge of the multiverse at our fingertips, and we haven’t found any mention of Khahrahk.” “We can worry about that later. I’ve managed to work out a deal with the local elementary school and get access to one of their busses. I figured there’s so many of us, it was the best way to get us all there at once.” “Good thinking, Pearl. But how did you…?” Marcus trailed off. “I promised to give them some cash for their budget. Of course, knowing them, they’ll use it on useless junk instead of actually improving the curriculum, but who am I to judge?” “Excellent. But where is it?” Craig looked around, as though he’d somehow overlooked a school bus in the sparse, open base. “I reserved a spot at the bus garage for us. Trust me, you’ll know it when you see it.”

Pearl turned out to be correct in her assumption; the brightly-painted bus with its artistic depiction of several members of the group simultaneously attacking Octavio was very hard to miss. “Pearl, was this in any way necessary?” Marina held her face in her hands. “No, but go big or go home, I figured. Besides, a couple dozen of us are going to drive a bus into enemy territory. Subtlety isn’t exactly gonna be on our side.” “It’ll have to do.” Marcus stepped up to the bus. “We’re going to fight Octavio now, aren’t we?” “Of course.” Pearl took the keys out of her pockets and unlocked the bus door. While they were boarding, she handed the keys over to Marina. “I’m too short to drive this thing, so I’m trusting you.” Instead, Marina gave the keys to Callie. “I’ve got no clue how this thing works. Think you’re up for it?” Callie took one look at the dashboard. “Yeah, I mean how hard can it be?” She sat at the driver’s seat while everyone else took their own places. As soon as they were ready, she turned the vehicle on. “Alright, everyone, for whatever reason I’ve been decided to drive us to octo valley, so I’d recommend putting on your seatbelts. With any luck, we should be there in just a couple hours. Once we reach our destination, we incapacitate Octavio and any of his followers we find so that we can imprison them again.” She started steering, backing the bus out of the garage. There wasn’t anything behind them, so they managed to get into the street without incident. That was where they encountered their first obstacle. “Alright, now I just gotta turn this thing.” She yanked the wheel to the side, causing the bus to swerve to the side before continuing forward. Forced into the back of his seat, Marcus turned to the one next to him. “Hey, Lauren, maybe you and Callie should have a driving competition.” “Oh, can it, Marcus!” She snapped. “Sorry, didn’t know it was that much of a sore subject for you.” “No, I shouldn’t lash out like that. I guess being kidnapped and mind-controlled by the Chaos Insurgency...Well, it couldn’t have been healthy.” “Well, if you need to talk about it, you’ve always got friends who’ll listen. Speaking of which, when you called Kat your best friend back in the other dimension...” “Relax, you’re still one of my best friends. You’re just not help-me-save-the-world-from-an-evil-phone level best friend. Don’t tell me you’re jealous.” “Of course not. Just curious.” “Alright, fair enough.” Their conversation was interrupted by the bus momentarily levitating. “Wow! Now that was a speed bump! Hey, everyone alright back there?” Callie looked to the back of the bus. “Yeah, my stomach’s just in my mouth. I’m fine.” Sheldon responded. A few seats in front, King yelled. “Road! Eyes on the road!” “Huh? Woah!” She hastily grabbed the wheel and swerved before the bus could hit a building. “Marina, are you sure this was a good idea?” Pearl asked her friend next to her. “Now that I think about it...No.”

A few hours and near-crashes later, the redecorated bus arrived in octo valley, a few feet away from the nondescript, condemned building where they believed Octavio to be hiding out. “Alright, everyone, We’re here! Ready for battle?” “Yeah, just...” Kondraki held his stomach. “Just gotta take a bit to recover. O-okay, I think I’m good. Let’s go.” “Great! Alright, everyone, time to-” “Missile!” Troy pointed out of the front window, where an octarian missile was barreling towards them. Startled, Callie pushed the wheel forward. They avoided the missile, but the blast behind them left the bus briefly spinning in the air before falling on its side, the door facing straight up. “Hey cool! We survived!” Marie celebrated. “Yeah, great driving, ms. Frizzle.” Clef added, trying to stop his ears ringing. “Is that some sort of reference that I’m from the wrong dimension to understand?” Callie asked, confused. “Nevermind, we’ve gotta get out before they launch another one.” The group evacuated the bus through the exit, making sure they weren’t hit by another missile. They then charged at the building, ready for the final battle, at least for the time being.

The octoling in charge of Octavio’s new base looked at the security cameras showing the enemy squadron approaching. His missile operators had missed their transport, but they still wouldn’t survive this battle. Not with his newest weapon, or his small army of octarian loyali joysts. His door was reduced to splinters by a roller swing. “Oh yeah! Guys, we’re in!” 6 inklings, 2 octolings, 14 humans, a dog, and a horseshoe crab streamed through the ruined doorway, immediately countered by about a hundred octarians. There were some humanoid octolings, including Octavio, but the majority of them resembled large singular tentacles. Some of the tentacles were riding around on vehicles that resembled giant roombas, while others flew using makeshift helicopters attached to their tops like tiny hats. Dr. Crow jumped in the air to bite one of the flying octarians, dragging it to the ground and biting its helmet off. Marcus shot several more octarians with his rapid-fire splatling gun, asking, “Why’d you bite that guy?” “I’m a dog. I can’t exactly hold a weapon.” “Fair.” Marcus shrugged, getting into a fistfight with an octoling mook. He easily blocked his strikes before kicking his legs out from under him. “Remember, everyone, we don’t have any respawn generators here, but they do!” Craig reminded them. “Just neutralize the enemies and capture Octavio!” “You won’t get nearly that far! Not with my weapon!” He activated a nearby device, opening a portal behind him. Out of it came a dark red mass of flesh, vaguely humanoid. Its limbs were thick strings of skin, its head split down the middle like a grotesque flower. It shambled forward, aimlessly seeking skin to infect. “SCP-610, the flesh virus.” Gears explained, as Octavio shot a flamethrower in the direction of the flesh mound. Despite how close he was to the flames, Octavio showed no discomfort as 610 shambled down the stairs, mindlessly attacking anything in its way. Jack grabbed one of the single-tentacle octarians and threw it into the mound of diseased skin. It was consumed by the entity, adding to its mass. “Now for the next step in the annihilation of Inkopolis, and my glorious victory!” “Someone wanna shut this moron up?” Bright asked, shooting SCP-610. “On it! Agent 4, ready for that new maneuver we’ve been practicing?” “Hell, yeah!” Marcus ran near the hole that used to be the front door, knocking over several octarians with a combination of punches, kicks, and shots. He turned around, running back towards Kat’s outstretched arm. He jumped, turning into a squid. Katherine grabbed one of his tentacles and spun around with it, throwing Marcus towards Octavio. While flying through the air, Marcus turned back into a humanoid and, turned sideways as he was, kicked Octavio with both feet simultaneously. He managed to kick Octavio hard enough that his face fell off, revealing the mechanical skull beneath. “Huh. I knew Octavio was hard-headed, but I wasn’t expecting that.” “We’ve got more immediate worries!” King grabbed a flamethrower from the wall next to him, bludgeoning an octoling with it before shooting SCP-610 with it. The mindless pile of flesh screeched and hissed, making sure to avoid the fire. An octoling jumped on top of him, forcing him to hastily turn off the flamethrower before the flames could misfire. The scientist backed into the wall, forcing the octoling to let go before he punched her a few times, knocking the enemy out. Nearby, Sheldon and Marie were shooting several octarians with their slow-but-powerful chargers. “Hey, Sheldon, I have to ask. When I offered you to join the new squidbeak splatoon, you told me something about the tech guys having to stay out of the front lines. What made you change your mind?” “Well, agent 2, these are strange times we’re living in right now. Strange times call for strange measures, after all.” “You just got bored and wanted in on the action, didn’t you?” “Eh, maybe that too.” Meanwhile, Marcus was trying to dodge the robot doppel’s punches. He fired his splatling gun, a concentrated fire of blue ink, straight-on into the clockwork face. The face lit up a bright red, Marcus barely managing to dodge the concentrated beam of red-hot energy that knocked him over and set a small fire between them. “Oh, of course he’s got a laser face. Just what I need right now.” The robot walked towards another device at the back, extracting a moderate-sized vial. Marcus jumped on top of him, only for the android to casually toss him off to the side. It then shot another blast of fire out of its face at 610, causing a piece of its flesh to slough off the rest of the mound. The robot picked up the piece of rotting skin, not having to worry about infection of course, and placed it into the vial. He walked back towards the device where he’d extracted the vial in the first place, only to be met by Callie, Marie, Lauren, Marcus, Katherine, Pearl, Marina, and Craig. “This ends here and now, you mechanical miscreant!” Marie fired her charger at the robot, who easily sidestepped the blast and kept moving, not missing beat. Lauren and Kat ran at it, trying to kick the android, but it slapped them away without a second thought. Pearl, Marcus, and Craig tried to shoot at it, but their ink had no apparent effect. Callie charged the robot with her roller, jumping up high enough that she was able to strike it on top of its head. The android was unaffected by the strike, Callie left shaking by the reverb of her roller hitting the hard metal. Marina, for her part, was investigating the device. “Guys, this thing’s a teleporter! This is how he’s getting the SCPs into inkopolis!” “Wait a second, if the teleporter’s here, then why is this guy just a robot?” Marie asked. “I mean, wouldn’t it make more sense for Octavio to keep it with himself?” “Who knows? Maybe this is just a spare and he has another at his real base. It doesn’t matter, we have to stop him.” Marina didn’t have a weapon, couldn’t exactly destroy the device with her bare fists, and clearly didn’t stand a chance against Octavio’s glorified stunt double, so she returned to the bulk of the fray and resumed fighting octarian mooks as best she could. Dr. King, meanwhile, was having considerably more trouble driving back the pile of SCP-610, not helped by the fact that his flamethrower occasionally shot streams of appleseeds rather than actual fire. Several octarians had also chosen to combat 610, but they had already been absorbed into the flesh, adding to its mass. “King, toss me the flamethrower!” Troy called over from the middle of the room. “I’ve got an-” He was interrupted by the mechanical Octavio grabbing him by the back of his shirt, lifting him into the air to try and strangle him. King retreated from the reaching tendrils of SCP-610, throwing the flamethrower at Troy. He caught it in his stomach-mouth the extra mass forcing the android to drop him. Troy’s shirt made it easy for him to grab the flamethrower with his hands, since his other mouth couldn’t get a proper grip on it. He turned on the flamethrower, spitting fire straight into the robot’s face. It staggered around as its face melted into liquid metal, throwing the vial of SCP-610 to one of its octarian soldiers. She grabbed the vial out of the air, sprinting towards the teleporter. “Here, doctor. You need to dispose of the flesh.” Troy handed the flamethrower to dr. King. “Understood.” He resumed his attempted incineration of the eldritch beast. Dana, Jack, and Fred jumped onto the android as a robotic, distorted voice uttered, “self-destruct sequence initiated. 30 seconds until detonation.” “Come on, guys! We have to throw this thing into the freak!” Dana commanded. “Got it.” Fred agreed. Troy joined his fellow serpent’s hand members in grabbing the octoling robot, only for it to prove too strong and heavy even for all four of them. When they had 15 seconds left, a splatling gun smacked it in the face. “Hey, you guys need some help?” Marcus called, running over to them. “Throw it.” Jack explained succinctly, pointing at SCP-610, which was still trying to avoid dr. King’s flamethrower. Marcus nodded. He jumped up and kicked Octavio’s double in the face, knocking it down with the aid of the other four pushing it from the ground. Still, it proved too heavy for them. With 7 seconds left, Lauren and Katherine appeared to help. With all seven of them, the team was finally able to lift the android and toss it several feet. It wasn’t quite enough, but all it took was 3 splat bombs from the agents to knock the robot into the shambling, writhing flesh pile. The explosion set the monster ablaze, along with the surrounding floor in a 10-foot radius. Troy, Lauren, Fred, Marcus, Jack, Katherine, and Dana were knocked to the ground by the force of the blast, while King was forced to the front of the building and lost his grip on the flamethrower, which skidded into the road through the doorway. “The building’s going to burn down! All we have to do is keep the freak in here, and we’re golden!” Bright celebrated. “I wish it was that simple! Someone stop that octarian!” Marie responded. She tried to grab the octoling holding the vial of 610, but she turned into an octopus and slipped out of her grasp. The octoling managed to avoid her, Callie, Pearl, and Marina long enough to load the vial into the teleporter. Craig was able to use his own charger-an older model, but still reasonably effective-to shoot the octoling in the back, sending her back to the nearest respawn generator. However, he was distracted by several dozen octarians attacking him at once, forcing him to counteract them while another octoling picked up the vial and loaded it into the teleporter. It entered the coordinates and reached for the activation button before Marcus punched it in the face, shooting it back to respawn. While he was distracted, a random single-tentacle octarian pressed the button to transport the sample of SCP-610 into inkopolis. “Oh no, no, no, this can’t be happening.” He knocked the octarian out, staring out into the building. Everyone else was fighting a small army of ever-respawning octarians, while the flaming 610 was setting the place on fire. “Guys, they teleported the sample! We need to leave now!” some of them heard him, passing the message to the rest of the party. The squadron of twenty-four left through the hole where the front door used to be. They activated their transporters-Kondraki having to press the button on Kain’s front right paw-to teleport back into the main base. “It is imperative that we locate the sample of SCP-610. Otherwise, it could potentially infect dozens of civilians before anyone shows signs of infection.” Gears exposited. “Alright, I think I saw the coordinates on the machine right before we left.” Marcus turned on the GPS on his phone, punching the coordinates in. “Alright, let’s go right here.” He drew a corresponding circle on the projected map. “I say we split up. Me, Marcus, Lauren, and Katherine will go to contain SCP-610. You guys have any flamethrowers?” dr. King suggested. “Yeah, I think we’ve got some in the cabin.” Kat ran inside along with the other three, each taking one flamethrower from a plexiglass case on the wall. “Okay, so we just incinerate the skin-freak and then we’re done, right?” Lauren hoped out loud. “For the most part, yes, but we have to burn every cell. Otherwise, they could still pose a threat of infection.” “Well, what’re we waiting for then? Let’s go already!” Marcus rushed out of the base, followed by the other three. “The rest of you, keep an eye out for any SCPs.” King ordered the other twenty before leaving as well. About a half hour later, they came across someone familiar trying to shoot something with a splatling, aiming down at the ground while moving erratically. “Hey, dude, what’re you doing?” Marcus asked, grabbing the other guy by the shoulder. “I’m trying to kill that thing!” He pointed at a worm-sized strand of reddish-pink skin, crawling towards them. “Guys, we found it!” Marcus called over before turning to the splatling user. “Hey, aren’t you one of those S4 guys?” “Yeah, name’s Ethan. I take it that thing’s an SCP?” “Yeah, sorry about that.” Marcus turned on his flamethrower, incinerating the worm-thing within seconds. While dr. King and Katherine were helping him to ensure every cell was burnt up, Lauren pulled Ethan off to the side and out of earshot. “Look, man, you know I’m agent 3, right?” “Yeah, what about it?” “I’ve got something really important to tell you right now, and I need you to listen.” “Oh. Alright, I’ll listen.” “Good.” Once Lauren had finished, Ethan hesitated for a moment. “Are you sure this is a good idea?” “Well, no, not entirely.” Lauren admitted. “But I think it’s for the best, and I’m sure it’ll work out in the end.” “Alright, if you say so. Hey, about the turf war a couple weeks back, no hard feelings, right?” “Oh, please. It’s a game; we were supposed to be fighting each other. Besides, I think you four are just upset since team Mobile Ink Force would’ve beat you if that SCP guy hadn’t showed up.” “Sure, sure. You keep telling yourself that.” “You two, get over here right now!” King called them over. “Yeah, what is it?” “Civilian, I need to know if that organism made any physical contact with you.” “Civilian? My name’s Ethan, but if by ‘organism’ you mean that freaky worm-thing, it appeared on my shoulder out of nowhere while I was going to the cafe to meet up with my friends.” “Right. In that case, we’ll have to take preventative measures.” He pulled out his communicator, calling dr. Crow. “Kain, we’ve got an infected civilian. I need you to get everyone out of the base, and retrieve SCP-500. Good, thank you.” He pocketed the device, turning back to the other four. “They’re clearing out the base right now. We’ve got to teleport. Fortunately, I suspected something like this might happen, so I brought a spare teleporter.” He tossed a wristwatch-like device at Ethan. “Alright, mind telling me what’s going on?” He asked. “You’ve been infected by an anomalous disease that will eventually turn you into a shapeless mass of flesh intent only on spreading yourself as far as possible. No need to worry, though, my colleague has a cure on the way and it’ll be here long before the symptoms will have time to manifest.” “Alright, guess I’d better hurry there.” He activated the transporter-King had removed the need for a code-as did the others, bringing them all back to the base. To dr. King’s relief, they were now the only ones there. “Hey, I thought you guys were part of some kind of big militia. Where is everyone?” “I sent everyone out of the base so we’d be able to properly quarantine ourselves. With 610 at risk of infecting us, it’s imperative that we prevent it from spreading so that we only have to use the minimum amount of SCP-500.” “That’s great!” Kat celebrated. “Quick question, though. What’s SCP-500?” “A canister of pills capable of curing virtually any disease known or unknown to man. If there’s any chance we can cure you of SCP-610, we’ll be best off using 500.” At that moment, a portal appeared. Dr. Crow stuck his head out, setting a ziploc bag on the ground with his mouth. “I’m afraid since we only have 35 pills left, I wasn’t able to get any more than 3 panaceas.” “Well, I was the one infected, and these two were the only ones who touched me, so three should be enough.” Ethan pointed out. “By the way, are you a talking dog?” “Yes, though it’s a long story.” “Katherine, I need to know if you’ve made any physical contact with these three since we incinerated the 610 instance.” King requested. “No, have you?” “No. Good, we’ll only need three pills then. You three, just eat the pills and you’ll be fine.” “Got it. C’mon, you two, not even we can screw this one up.” Marcus said, as the three of them went over to the ziploc bag-Crow making a point of avoiding them-and consumed the three pills. “Good, good, I definitely feel a lot better now.” Ethan said, right before his phone rang. “Oh crud, it’s the other S4’s texting me. They’re wondering why I’m late. Hey, you guys don’t need me anymore, do you?” “No. you’re free to go.” King answered. “Thanks, man. Hey, good luck with the SCPs.” He opened the main exit, retreating back into the main plaza. A few minutes later, the others returned through both the main and auxiliary entrances. “Hey, you guys take care of that virus?” Dana asked. “Yeah, how’d you figure?” Lauren responded. “Simple. We saw the civilian going out of the base, and we figured that was the infectee and you’d cured him.” Shotgun explained. “Good thinking. Now, can anyone please tell me what’s happened today?” Crow asked, looking around at the rest of the group. “Octavio got away, we destroyed one out of who-knows-how-many of his bases, we barely averted a mass infection, and we’ve still got no lead on this whole Khahrahk thing.” Pearl complained. “That about sum it up?” “Actually, about that.” Marina fished two crumpled-up, stapled-together pieces of paper out of her pocket, unfolding them. Written on them was what looked like gibberish.

xmqis azeqa, niami vnvbw.  
xmqis jmmimn jtz olj axewtzx pqiK  
ypzc lioljz mszvy xmm iEYig fjl, olj njsqqnl fvy xmm rmxm.  
oljg aifz olj kcmql tiy bj fj jjvs, ecsxm qsnkz Wmigp wmih ypz wpqzw.  
ypz jfqOlkcg afbxl ypz jtzzwy njv ypz gtudRl wa xmm fmso.  
oljqm pfvoiwvn fwqbly, bciD evmy io rnocx kwm xmm iib ejvql ci xpvpq jmmso.  
olj lmelwi aFqow nv nlfljax, pdw gzzeyp rmqt ngtzxl ypz pfvy.  
xmm cIww dr ypz gfaopj lmeba cmx arswl Vri uvoja cmx aoEsl.  
olj xmmskzwx qi xmm osbmm mx pdhimi jfz vafg.  
wyy vjxmqik zvyiw pzeami gfv fijx olj omstu vx git.  
xmmt kfbciw zjysl rmyp gijzdrl ahmqmn, xmm nsztgixa vri bci imvh.  
ypjylp ciw ajyq cianvyw, ypz gwczpjao qnvyw bqgp pmzt mmm ms pzv gmy.  
xmm ksybzv ywgh mqn 'twmixnkz xt xmiuimi mqh wjdzr oimw.  
xqs lj uvhj edxm omehm vri afmqt, olj tvwy pdw miihx ldh rim.  
xmm xvjbdr rwjr sw hswm dw mwrpnvb, ktvz mya hszzimso wpfkf.  
ms bcinz yvjihw nbn jfkz mx xmsbtdrl, kjqj bj xfsz xmmh ffkf.  
xmm fmso dw nv cmx kjywbdrl kgsypzw, ypz fwqyix imi nv oljqm fjln.  
xmm prgwmr uzdrhmn afqo ms agijx os widwj bcinz zelmm ljiyw.  
ypz ljvn ajzz ms bci mmiltcni fvy wjdzr jobw iqy pfg,  
omqt olj njb hzzty qi fd lvvp wa rnocx fvy wywgi ypz ilon ebit.  
wnf riwm wvtszr gg oljqm fnvymson wnf is rwmi xpvpq adrl.  
kjqja olj azzjvol kcgp zvrmsldrl iih ftg xmm wiqtn antg vnvb.  
ammi xmm amwao lfl bmami fnzol, ypzr ftg xmm wmwln hnl nmso.  
ciw axvjihmso xvnmn hnl nlfsz xmm nonmn, ex aci higpjl jyy njv mmm onvb.  
fd ljgywm'w gtvhj bci xmxssl weim v pnnz msbj xmm rswty.  
ysbdqjtt ljei rjiol f adpjvo qtwi, xmm fmso'n vjl apfo prkcmpjl.  
cmx jmmim olj bcmwl miridrjl prmmvvi, pzv hzdix njv mmgt noiswmy.  
wmm nxtxkii pzv qqai bqol f apvlmjr'x simkm, vri ovzj qo xt wpv qwmh.  
ypz jtcmxm xmiuimix i yelozv fvy tqixix qo ey pzv mmvvy.  
bci ummjjko gzzz gfvisy uvoj xpvj ecey bci pqik min wjb vtfzo.  
xmm amkbc ssm'n gwwrr bin fjimmso ysbv pttv olj njb'x azx.  
ypz hjv rex aprimmii edxm udkmbt xmcihjz, vr fxjgftttxm wilmo.  
ss bci xqsxm'a yed, bci bigpx ovzj evc, fvy xmm jgjiiw ycmrjl os fac.  
ljz wmwbc kfdz atzf, ex bci jimxm acsts, primmrjiol ypz onvb'w kmgp qinl  
ypz wjdzryp wvnlz antg fwmvo ypz xnlzw ypz qtwi rt ujvj edpq acmsm.  
oljzz gtuzw f lvc swo jfz vafg nlj'tg fnzol ypz hjiol tn omrm.  
olj ljgywm rjdzv ymgpx pdw lwy amqxl tvz lj zzeqtt wjmfw.  
nvnxjiy lj pdhja cmrazpk ired, iih vcdiytt, lj eziua.  
oljqm ktl'n sbv qsnkz, lj uvoja olj kcsnkz, hjkgewqik bqol ypzmw ejvi.  
"qi jjim esl kenv giy pzv wmhenv, gixb nlj jz pnsz xmm olnzy."  
xmm yshbjv'x opr jvyii pdw wci, ex pz tzb dx yw cmx mvv.  
fa nlj evw imamqmy, xmm kmyqzh hpdpi, pz kfdz my bj lna aifz.  
ciw uzqtzt e kqxoqm olnvb, xmm nxwwikjao wmigp jvyywm.  
rljv ciw eziuqik xbvvya os biqiw, bcinz yvzon qfsz ljz hmsl kywm.

“What is this? Looks meaningless.” Marie asked, taking the paper. “I found it in one of the drawers on the teleportation device, when I was trying to figure out what it was. I’m pretty sure it’s some sort of code, but I’m not sure what kind.” “Here, let me see that.” Clef took the paper, looking at the bottom right corner. He saw a logo of an upside-down pentagon with two small triangles in the center, one inside the other, and five pointed lines extending from the points of the pentagon. “This is a fifthist code. I’ve got no idea how that Octavio idiot managed to get his hands on this, but it could give us a lead to where the real one is.” He explained. “Or, more importantly, it could give us a lead on Khahrahk.” Troy continued. “Guys, we need to figure out a plan. We know we need a fifthist to decode this for us, but where are we going to find one? Besides, the foundation and the fifth church aren’t exactly on good terms.” “Oh, hold on, guys, I gotta take this.” Lauren said, turning on her phone. “Hey, Ethan, what’s up? Good to hear from you. Okay, okay, oh, really? Can you describe the logo for me? Huh. How convenient. Alright, man, just get back home or wherever it was you were going.” She turned off the phone, grinning. “Guys, I think we’re in luck!”


	35. the fifth church

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today is the 12 year anniversary of July 25th, 2008, the day SCP-173 was officially uploaded to the SCP foundation on Wikidot. In honor of this milestone, I'm uploading the next dozen chapters today. Regularly scheduled updates should continue starting next Saturday.

The day afterwards, the new council of 24 was sitting around several tables scrunched together into one surface. “Alright, let’s recap: We’ve got a fifthist bar a couple blocks down, a paper with the fifthist logo on it and some sort of code, and we’ve got to find some way to get one of them to decode it for us.” Callie recapped. “That’s about it. Kain! Get off the table! Down, boy!” Marie shouted. “Well, if one of us foundation employees goes, we run the risk of being recognized, which probably won’t end well. I figure it’s best if a group of natives to this dimension go in. of course, there’s the issue that you probably won’t be prepared to interact with them.” King pondered. “I think I might have a solution.” Tristan rummaged in his pocket, pulling out three small, familiar devices. “You three kids might remember these from the eight rings nightclub.” “Yeah, you said you’d use them to communicate with us, but then you went silent.” Lauren confirmed. “We tried to talk to you, but there was too much interference. Our best guess is that the three rings nightclub is a massive source of thaumaturgic energy, especially in late october when you three went there, so it probably messed with our communication tech.” Trevor explained. “Then again, the fifthists aren’t exactly lacking in magic.” “Well, neither is the serpent’s hand.” Jack took the communication earbuds. “I’ll take a few minutes to put some thaumaturgic protections on these things so you guys can talk with each other.” “Good work then, everyone. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going back to my own place to let everyone know we’re on standby mode. That sound good?” Shotgun requested. “Yes, we should be just fine without you.” Craig agreed. “Good.” The leader of New IKEA left through the auxiliary entrance. After around five minutes of everyone else milling about, Jack handed Marcus, Katherine, and Lauren the three communication receivers. He called the Bailey triplets over, explaining, “Now, I’ve only put thaumaturgic protections on their receivers because they’ll be the ones going into fifthist territory. Bailey triplets, if you three start experiencing interferences on your end, just let me know and I’ll see what I can do. Everyone got that?” The six of them nodded in the affirmative. “Good. Now, you kids go to the bar and- Wait a minute. You know, I’m starting to see a problem with this plan.” “We should be good to go, so long as we can find an adult to accompany these three. Now, who do we have here who’s from this dimension and old enough to go to a bar?” “Did someone say bar?” Pearl appeared from directly behind Jack, sounding as excited as ever. “I’ll be happy to volunteer.” “Alright, you can go with them. Maybe you should buy something so no one suspects you.” Tristan agreed. “I love this plan! I’m excited to be a part of it!”

The infiltration team entered the fifthist bar, which could be noticed by the vaguely pentagram-like symbols on the walls, similar to the one on the encoded paper. It was populated mostly by humans, but there were also some anomalous humanoids, inklings, octolings, and bizarre-looking creatures from the Deepsea Metro. Lauren started shaking when she saw a massive humanoid-looking jellyfish, about twice their height, with a translucent head wearing some sort of brown leather jacket. “You alright?” Marcus asked, grabbing her shoulder. “You look scared of something.” “Yeah, it’s just, I had to fight a bunch of these Deepsea Metro creatures when I fell in there, before I met Kat.” “That’s weird. I saw a bunch of these guys on the train, and they didn’t really do much. Do you think the ones you ran into were more aggressive because they lived deeper underground?” Kat questioned. “Yeah, that’s probably it.” They sat at the barstools, between a multi-headed jellyfish and a man in a business suit. “Hey, you four kids-” “Actually, I’m in my twenties.” Pearl handed her birth certificate to the bartender, who investigated it for a few seconds before handing it back. “Alright, what’ll you take?” “I’ll take your strongest booze!” She slapped a dozen sea snails onto the counter. “What is it with you squid people and snails?” The bartender picked one up, looking at it curiously. “Sorry, that’s our currency.” Marcus explained, handing him the paper. “By the way, we found this somewhere in town. Think you can decode it for us?” “Huh. You know what, I’ve dabbled in cryptography. Maybe I can try to solve this between orders. Course, I’ll have to put these snails with all the others, and then at the end of the day I’ll have to figure out how to convert them into dollars and dollars into snails...” The fifthist continued mumbling as he walked to the back. Marcus decided to take the opportunity to contact Thomas Bailey, whispering “How’re we doing so far?” “Excellent. Just keep acting natural, and don’t let on that you’re helping the foundation. If he asks, you got the code from a friend’s house.” “Got it.” He passed the information to the others just before the bartender returned. He placed a large wine glass with a dark re-colored liquid in front of Pearl, asking them, “So, what do you think of the music? We just got a new jukebox a day before the dimensional transfer.” Marcus listened for a half minute. “It’s alright. Could use some more instruments.” “Ah, you kids these days just don’t appreciate good, simple music.” “You know, you seem to be adjusting to all of this surprisingly well.” Lauren pointed out. “Well, being a member of the fifth church makes you pretty accepting of the weird and inexplicable. Now, let’s see about the code. Of course, I’ll also be taking care of orders, so it might take a few hours.” “Got it.” Pearl responded, having just downed the entire glass. “By the way, your booze is weak.”

An hour later, the bartender handed Marcus back the paper, now decoded. “Just a simple vigenere cipher. If you would’ve looked closer, you would’ve seen the capitalized letters spell out ‘keyword five’. From there, figuring it out was simple.” “Thank you. Guys, we ready to go?” Lauren nodded, but Kat pointed at Pearl. She had 6 empty glasses in front of her, and 1 still half-full. “Wait. I’m almost finished.” “No. How did you even do that?” Marcus asked. “Becuzz I’m awethome.” “Right, Lauren, you want to drive-no, wait, no, we’re walking.” Katherine decided.

The group made it to the base, none of them having read the paper. “Guys, we’re back!” Jack, Dana, Fred, Troy, Tristan, Trevor, Thomas, and Marina had evidently been waiting for them, gathered around the meeting table. “Good. now let’s see it.” Thomas instructed. Marcus placed the paper on the desk, the twelve of them gathering around to read it.

seven seals, seven rings.  
seven brides for the scarlet King  
they gather round the natal bed, the foolish and the wise.  
they fear the child yet to be born, whose voice shall rend the skies.  
the faithful watch the forest for the coming of the King.  
their lanterns bright, they wait at night for the new world he shall bring.  
the dragon waits in shadows, his breath will scorch the land.  
The hero in the castle draws his sword and makes his stand.  
The princess in the tower is hidden far away.  
but nothing under heaven can keep The Groom at bay.  
they gather round with leering smiles, the soulless and the dead.  
though her soul unwinds, the cruelest minds will keep her in her bed.  
the potter told his 'prentice to prepare him seven jars.  
six he made with grace and skill, the last his hands did mar.  
the cretin moon no more is howling, gone its mourning black.  
in their dreams its face is prowling, come to take them back.  
the King is in his courting clothes, the brides are in their beds.  
the unborn princes wait in sleep to raise their eager heads.  
the hens were in the henhouse and seven eggs did lay,  
till the fox crept in by dark of night and stole the eggs away.  
six were broken by their bindings six no more shall sing.  
comes the seventh full unwinding and all the bells will ring.  
when the first had given birth, then all the birds did sing.  
her screaming cries did shake the skies, as she called out for her King.  
by doctor's blade the second bade a life into the world.  
untimely hewn neath a silent moon, the King's red flag unfurled.  
his bride the third remained unheard, her cries for help ignored.  
She stopped her life with a surgeon's knife, and gave it to Our Lord.  
the fourth prepares a dagger and places it at her heart.  
The perfect cure cannot make pure what the King has set apart.  
the fifth one's crown was bearing down upon the fox's set.  
The den was sundered with mighty thunder, an apocalypse beget.  
on the sixth's day, the walls gave way, and the oceans turned to ash.  
her birth gave work, as the earth shook, underneath the King's fell lash  
The seventh bride will break the tides the moon no more will shine.  
There comes a day not far away she'll birth the death of time.  
the doctor never tells his god which one he really seeks.  
instead he hides himself away, and quietly, he weeps.  
their god's own voice, he makes the choice, declaring with their word.  
"in fear and pain let her remain, lest she be like the third."  
the doctor's gun ended his run, as he put it to his ear.  
as she was defiled, the pitied child, he gave it to his fear.  
her memory a fickle thing, the strongest shall endure.  
when her weeping starts to waver, their drugs make her mind pure.

“Huh. Well, now at least it makes a little more sense.” Marina said. “You foundation guys know what this is?” “Yeah, I think I’m seeing some connections.” Trevor started. “Yeah, like the second line. The Scarlet King. I’ve heard that name before.” Dana thought for a moment. “I’m betting this has something to do with the whole Khahrahk thing. Now that we know of this, I’m thinking we should go back to the Wanderer's Library and start our investigation back up.” “Good plan. The four of you do that, and the rest of us will stay here and make sure this place doesn’t get torn apart by any SCPs.” Tristan decided. “Right. Best get going then.” Jack stood up, opening a Way to the Wanderer’s Library. Marcus then started to wonder about something. “By the way, what’s the deal with the fifthists anyway?” Tristan shrugged. “It’s hard to say, actually. They’re a religious group, that much is for sure, but apart from that, well, they’re fairly esoteric, honestly, but from what we’ve gathered they’re essentially a variation of transcendentalist hippies with actual magic capabilities.” “Okay, I’ll pretend to understand that.” “Well, the good news is, now that we have more info on the Khahrahk front, we can get back to locating Octavio. I just hope he doesn’t get the opportunity to send something even worse at us. Something we can’t fight back against.” Kat said, apprehensively.  
Somewhere deep in octo valley, hidden in an underground safe house, Octavio slammed his hand on his desk. “How dare they destroy one of my bases, and then stop me from infecting their city with the flesh? Very well then.” He took a document from the top of a pile. “Maybe I should give them more of a slow burn.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some fifthist music: http://scp-wiki.wdfiles.com/local--files/you-and-me/You%20and%20Me.mp3


	36. I am a toaster

Marcus was sitting in his living room, thinking about the poem they’d found last week. While he was lost in thought, Marie knocked on his front door. Startled, he opened the door to let her in. “Hey, what’re you doing here?” She looked at him, annoyed, before stepping into the living room. “I tried calling you, but you didn’t answer.” “Oh, sorry about that. I’ve got my phone charging in my room, and I must not have heard it.” He explained, suddenly embarrassed. “Alright, that’s fair.” She absentmindedly looked at a DVD box he had on top of his movie/game shelf. “Hey, what’s this?” She asked, giggling. “Hey, which one is that?” Marcus looked over her shoulder to see what she was holding. It was an exercise video that Callie and Marie had made a couple of weeks after Marcus had fought Octavio. “Never took you for much of a dancer.” “Yeah, well, I figured I may as well have, since we’d just become friends at the time.” “Really? That’s nice of you. Sure there’s no reason a teenager like you would buy a case with this particular box art?” She grinned, pointing at the cover showing the squid sisters in standard exercise clothing-loose fitting t-shirts and skintight pants. Marcus took the box from her and hurriedly put it back on the shelf, hiding it among the other DVDs. “Is there any actual reason you came here, or what?” “Yeah, Gears got reports of a new SCP showing up.” She answered, between laughs. “Though, I think you might be about five years too young for me. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m flattered and all-” “Can we please just change the subject? What fresh eldritch horror has been unleashed upon our unprepared world this time?” “I’m a toaster.” Marcus paused, confused. “Come again?” “Well, more specifically, I’m a toaster that can only be referred to in the first person.” “Oh, well, that doesn’t sound so bad. I mean, maybe a bit weird, but I don’t see any harm.” “Oh, that’s not all. Anyone who stays around me too long starts to think they’re a toaster, and, well, according to Gears the end results are not pretty. Apparently, one of my original owners died of blood loss after he tried to… well let’s just say he must’ve thought I was a pretty lady toaster.” Marcus shuddered at the implications. “Alright, did Gears explain how long it takes for the effect to kick in?” Marie shrugged. “Two months. According to the caller, she’s had it since last halloween.” “Ah, halloween. I won’t forget that, no matter how hard I try.” “Hey, at least you made a friend. That shapeshifter guy seemed nice enough.” “Yeah, 2006 was actually kinda cool.” Marcus remembered, smiling. “Ah well, guess we’d better go retrieve me. Should we call the others?” He stood up. Marie just shook her head. “According to Gears, we should be fine with just the two of us. I mean, I am only a weird toaster, after all.” “Got it.” The two of them walked outside, where Marie’s car was in the driveway. Marcus sitting shotgun, Marie started driving off. “So, where am I?” “Gears said I was at 624 main street.” “Right. So that’s where we’re headed.” They kept driving in relative silence for several minutes. “So, anything you want to talk about lately?” Marcus thought for a moment. “Not really. I mean, I guess I’m worried about Khahrahk, or the Scarlet King, or whatever it’s called. Still, now that we’ve found that poem, we could get more info on it.” Marie asked him again, “Any idea what it means?” Marcus shrugged. “Well, seven seals could mean we need seven specific people or things to beat it. They gather round the natal bed could mean something being born that’s connected to the Scarlet King. Other than that, I’m lost. Let’s face it, we just don’t have enough to go off of right now. It’s like we’re missing one thing, and if we could just find it, we might be able to piece this whole thing together.” “Yeah, too bad we don’t know what it is. Still, we’ve had your friends with the serpent’s hand going to the Wanderer’s Library on and off to try to research it. By the way, how’d you meet them, anyway?” “You remember when we went after the teleporter and got stuck in the alternate dimension?” Marie nodded. “Yeah, of course I remember.” “Well, those serpent’s hand members busted me out of the foundation site and took me to the Wanderer’s Library. There, I found out the others had been taken by Are We Cool Yet? and the Chaos Insurgency, and they helped the three of us get back together before sending us back here.” “Oh. that was nice of them. Any detours?” “Well, there was this one guy with a giant snake, and we accidentally got to Sloth's Pit and had to get help from a goatman. Other than that, nothing much.” “Oh, so, in other words, a normal weekend.” Marie said, starting to laugh. “Yeah, I guess so.” Marcus started to laugh at the absurdity of his situation, just as they pulled into an unfamiliar driveway. Marcus looked at the mailbox, marked with 624. “Come on, let’s get inside.” Marie opened her door, followed by Marcus. “I’ll do the talking.” She said, knocking on the front door. Marcus looked around at the house. Nothing remarkable, just a blue house with one floor and a brass knocker on the door. Marcus was looking at the carved stone rabbit in front of the door when the door was opened by an inkling girl around Marcus’s age, who smiled as soon as she saw him. “Mark!” She ran over, hugging him hard enough to nearly knock him over. “I missed you so much! Where’ve you been all this time?” “Oh, joycakes.” Marcus forced a smile. “Hey, Taylor. We came here to see about me. I mean, myself the toaster.” While talking, he managed to pull himself out of her vice-grip. “Dude, you never told me you had a girlfriend!” Marie gently punched him in the arm. “Trust me, there’s a reason for that.” He angrily pointed at Taylor. “She used me. Back at our old town, she told me she’d help me practice for turf wars so I’d be set by the time I was old enough, but then she set me up to lose my first turf war just so she could start dating the leader of some other team.” Taylor scoffed. “Oh, come on now, Marky. Melani County was months ago. I’m over Logan now.” She grabbed Marcus’s shoulders, asking, “Now, what about that toaster of yours?” “Okay, I don’t even want to know what that means.” Marie pulled the two apart, Marcus sighing in relief. “Just let us inside so we can grab me and put me back in containment.” “Oh come on, you’re not anomalous!” “Come on, kid, you know what I mean. Just let us in.” “Only if Mark gives me a second chance. I bet the tables around Crusty Sean’s food truck would be really romantic at midnight.” “Listen here, you little tool. We’re agents of the new squidbeak splatoon, and you have me, an SCP, in your house. That means we have an obligation to take me from you for your own good if you won’t let us in.” Marcus told her. “Wow, pushy aren’t we?” Taylor leaned against the doorframe. “Yeah, yeah, why don’t I show you how pushy I can be?” Marcus forced the door the rest of the way open, walking directly into the kitchen. “So, why’ve you been keeping me since halloween, anyway?” Marie asked Taylor, having entered the kitchen herself. “I mean, didn’t you see the news report?” “Actually, I did, but I just thought I was a funny toaster. But then I heard about what happened with the turf war a few weeks back, and eventually I decided to play it safe. Especially this morning when I realized I was trying to swallow two pieces of bread whole.” “Well, it’s a good thing you called us before something really bad happened.” Marcus saw me on the counter and picked me up, unplugging me from the wall. “Aww, Marky, I knew you still cared about me!” “Okay, first off, never call me ‘Marky’ again, you manipulative little jerk. Second, I thought my effects weren’t supposed to manifest until 2 months. You’ve only had me for 1.” Taylor shrugged. “Maybe my effect works slowly over time.” “Fair enough.” Marcus accepted. “Come on, we need to get me back to Gears so he can put me back in containment.” “Agreed. Come on, let’s go.” “No, wait, you can’t go yet! I need you to give me a second chance!” Taylor tried to block the door. “Move, Taylor. Now.” Marcus growled. “No! I...I have another anomaly!” “Oh really? Convenient how you only told Gears about me, in that case.” Marie pointed out. “Are you implying that I’m a liar?” She asked indignantly. “No, we’re saying you’re a liar.” Marcus rebutted, pushing her away from the door. “Wait, I can prove it! Please, give me another chance!” “Why should I?” “Wait, Marcus, maybe we could give her a chance.” “Okay.” Marcus sighed reluctantly. “But why didn’t you tell Gears?” “Well, I was going to, but my phone died and I can’t find an outlet anywhere.” “Seriously?” Marie asked, eyebrow raised. “What is it with you teenagers and never charging your phones until the last minute?” “Don’t blame me.” She held her hands up defensively. “I can barely find any room in this house anymore. I think there’s something in the center of this house that’s making it grow.” “In that case, why doesn’t the house look bigger on the outside?” Marcus asked. “I don’t know! These things are anomalous, aren’t they? Maybe that’s part of what this thing does. Make more rooms, expand the house on the inside while keeping it the same on the outside.” “Okay. Okay, I guess that makes sense. I’ll go put myself in the car, and then I’ll come back and help look for the other SCP.” Marcus placed me on the kitchen table and opened the front door, only to see a blank wall, the same white as the rest of the room. “Oh, not this again.”


	37. slow burn sloth

“Now, do we have any info on where Marcus and Marie are?” King asked. “Yes.” Gears answered. “I informed them that I was in the residence of a civilian.” “Say what now? Gears, what were you doing there?” Callie asked. “My apologies for the misunderstanding. I am SCP-426, a toaster which can only be referred to in the first person.” “You know what, at this point that actually makes sense.” Pearl admitted. “So, what is it this time?” “SCP-2774, the slow-burn sloth.” Dr. King answered. “It’s any pre-recorded media that contains a humanoid sloth, which infects the viewer with a memetic cognitohazard. In layman’s terms, the viewer is mind-controlled by the sloth, mentally tortured while regaining control of their bodies for 2 and a half minutes every day.” “Nope! Nope, nope, nope.” Lauren got up from the table, her chair skidding backwards from the force. The others at the table-King, Gears, Callie, Marina, Pearl, and Katherine-looked at her like she was crazy. “I have had it with the mind-control! Tartar, the Chaos Insurgency, and now this...sloth thing! That’s it. I’m out. I quit. I can’t take this anymore! I’m sorry.” She tried to hide her tears as she ran out of the base. “Someone wanna tell me what just happened?” Pearl asked. Marina replied, “I’ll let you know when I figure it out myself.” “I’ll go find her. The rest of you, do whatever you have to to contain the SCP.” Katherine walked out of the base. “Right. First thing to do is ensure the safety of civilians. Fortunately, with the broken masquerade in this dimension, you two shouldn’t have much trouble going on the news and telling everyone to stop going on their screens until we get this whole thing sorted out. Just make sure you explain it as fast as possible to spend minimum time on television. I’m sure you can guess why.” King instructed. “Got it. Course, it should probably just be me and Pearl. If Callie showed up without Marie, civilians might start wondering where she is. That, combined with a mind-controlling TV sloth, could cause a mass panic.” “Agreed. Callie, I’d suggest that you go to 624 main street. That’s where I sent your cousin and agent four.” “Got it. Thanks, Gears.” After the three cephalopods had left the base, the scientists discussed their part of the plan. “Right. First, we have to figure out where this thing is being broadcast from. If it’s in this dimension, then the source must’ve moved here, too.” King suggested. “Agreed. If someone is using it, the most likely suspect would be the Octavio individual responsible for the recent attacks by SCPs 076, 239, and 610.” “Alright. Do we have any idea where he is, though?” As soon as King had asked his question, clef exited the cabin. “Guys, we found the source of the signal sending out SCP-2774! It’s in that octo valley place; come on, let’s contain this thing!” “Right. Do the others know?” “Of course we know.” Kondraki answered. “It’s about time we got this anomaly contained for real.” “Well, then, let’s go already. Course, without the bus we’ve only got room for the four of us.” King realized something. “By the way, how’d you find the signal source in the first place?” “Oh, well, Bright was watching the TV by himself when he saw the SCP. Since the TV was in black and white, he wasn’t affected, and he managed to trace the signal.” Kondraki explained. “Yeah, pretty much.” Bright replied from inside. “I know I’m awesome.” “Good work. Now, let’s depart.” Gears led the team out of the base.

Marina and Pearl sat down in their news studio, having ensured several times over their report was as short and succinct as possible. “We ready?” “Yep. Marina, turn that camera on, and fast.” The octoling nodded, turning the camera off and hurriedly sitting back down. “Hello, everyone, we need you to turn your screens off for the foreseeable future because there’s a mind-controlling SCP out there that works through media.” She blurted out. Pearl added, “That’s all screens, not just TVs, but hopefully we’ll have it taken care of soon enough.” They hastily turned the camera off, hoping they’d successfully gotten their point across.

Dr Gears drove himself, King, Clef, and Kondraki into octo valley. They pulled over in front of another condemned building, similar to the one where they’d fought SCP-610. “Is everyone fully prepared?” The other three nodded, holding up their guns. “Good. now let’s go.” The four exited the car, preparing to storm the base. Inside, they found a dozen octarians, and another Octavio guarding a computer. “Octarians! Eradicate the intruders, now!” He shouted, gesturing around the entire room. “A 12-on-4?” Clef grinned. “Well now, that seems hardly fair.”

Lauren was sitting in her living room, trying to find a way to distract herself without risking turning on the television, when her front door opened. Startled, she whirled around and yelled, “Who’s there? What do you want from me?” Kat just cocked her head to the side, closing the door behind her. “Dude, relax, it’s just me.” “Oh. Oh, look, Kat, I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have walked out like that, I mean, it’s just-” “I understand. You feel like you’re losing your self-control, don’t you?” “Yeah; how’d you guess?” “Oh, please, you’ve been mind-controlled twice in only a few months. I don’t have to be a genius to figure out what that can do to your head.” “Thanks. Y’know, I’m thinking of leaving this whole thing behind me. Just moving back to my old town for a few weeks. Is that alright?” “Hey, do what you need to. I’ve got no authority to judge. Still, even if you’re not going to help us stop this TV sloth, the least you could do is wait until Marcus and Marie get back so you can tell them.” Lauren didn’t have to think about it. “You’re right. Kat, why don’t you go help Callie look for them? I think I’ll go to Crusty Sean’s food truck later. Get my mind off things.” “Alright, fair enough.” Katherine walked out of the house, leaving her friend to her thoughts.

The four scientists spent about five minutes fighting the octarian forces until Gears approached Octavio. He shot the octoling in the face, revealing him to be another android like last time. “You will never defeat me, you stupid little human. I will annihilate my enemies, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me!” “Personally, I would disagree with that evaluation. For example, you have already failed with three different SCPs, and we are about to cause your failure with a fourth. In my opinion, the odds are actually stacked in our favor rather than yours.” “Charles, less talking, more fighting!” Clef shot the android in the chest, dodging the lasers coming out of its face. He pulled a USB drive out of a nearby laptop, seeing that it read ‘Slow Burn Sloth’.”Guys,I got the drive!” He investigated the laptop, seeing that it had only hacked into one television. “Seems he only hacked into our base, too!” “Of course I did. I thought I could put all of you losers under the sloth’s control, and then you’d all be easy pickings.” King started to laugh uncontrollably. “Oh man, you must be even dumber than you look. SCP-2774 only works if you see the color. The base’s TV is black and white, you idiot!” The android startled backwards. “What? No! No! That outdated fool! How could I have been so stupid! I should’ve seen that possibility!” “Yeah, real shame about that.” Clef said, absentmindedly putting the drive on the floor and stomping on it, easily annihilating the software. “C’mon guys, let’s blow this joint!” Kondraki gestured to the exit, as the four men went back to their car. The android didn’t even bother to send any pursuers.

Callie and Katherine were approaching 600 main street when Callie’s phone started ringing. “Hold up, Kat.” She answered the call. “Hello, Gears? Oh, really? Good, good. Wait, seriously? Now that’s funny. Alright, now we’ll just need to use the screens in the center to tell everyone the TVs are safe now. Okay, I’ll call my cousin now to tell her.” She hung up and turned to Katherine. “They manage to destroy the drive containing the SCP’s software. Turns out, Octavio was targeting the base, but the SCP only works if you see the color, and he didn’t realize the base has a black-and-white TV.” “Seriously?” Kat couldn’t help but laugh. “Really. Oh man, I knew he was dumb, but that’s a whole new level of incompetence.” “I know right? I’ll call Marie.” Callie pinched in her cousin’s number, to no avail. “Huh. Voicemail. Oh well, if they need us, they’ll call us. Ready to head back to base, kid?” “Yeah, let’s go.”


	38. with many voices

“Okay, okay, just to recap: We’re stuck in a house with my ex-girlfriend, there’s something causing the house to expand, but only on the inside, and we can’t go out the way we came in.” “Relax, Marcus. I’ll just call for backup. If the house is only affected on the inside, Callie should be able to open the door and let us out.” Marie tried using her phone, only to yell in frustration. “What? No signal!? Come on, work, damn you! Callie, come in! Lauren, Katherine, someone! I don’t care if it’s Clef, we need help! Mayday, mayday! Someone answer!” She put her phone back in her pocket, hands shaking. “We’re all alone. We’ve got no way out, it’s just the three of us, and we can’t get any info on whatever else is in here.” “Well, it’s not all bad. I mean, now the two of us get to spend more time together.” Taylor pointed out, wrapping her arm around Marcus’s shoulder. “Y’know, Taylor, there’s this wonderful thing called ‘personal space’. Maybe you should try it sometime.” Taylor laughed as he pushed her off. “Oh, Mark, I knew you still had your sense of humor.” “Right, let’s split up. Taylor, you can come with me. Marcus, I trust you on your own more than I trust the two of you together.” “Really? You sure?” Marcus grinned. “I see this as an absolute win!” He shouted, running into another room while Marie and Taylor took another direction.

“Can’t believe that crazy girl actually moved here. And now she’s got me stuck in this mess; just my luck.” Marcus couldn’t forgive what Taylor had done to him all those months ago, just before he’d moved to inkopolis. He was lost in his thoughts, having wandered through room after room, when he realized they had no way to actually contact each other. “Wait a second. Marie! Marie, where are you! We have to stay together!” He opened the door he’d just come through, only for the kitchen with its chairs and table on the ceiling to be replaced by a blank room with walls covered in eyes. Screaming, Marcus slammed the door shut and pressed his back against it, trying to keep his heart from evacuating out of his mouth. “Okay. Note to self: do not open that door.” He heard Marie screaming a few rooms over, “No! No, stay back! What are you doing?” Panicking, Marcus tried to open the door on the other side of the room, only for it to be locked. “Marie? Marie, stay there! I’m going to kick down the door!” “Dude, I’m right here.” Marcus turned to the side, seeing Marie coming through a door he could’ve sworn wasn’t there a second ago. “Wait...but...why...how?” “Marcus, calm down. What happened?” “I heard you screaming, but it was coming from past that door. By the way, where’s Taylor?” “I don’t know; we got separated a few minutes ago. More importantly, if you heard me screaming but I wasn’t screaming, that probably means there’s something in this house that can mimic our voices. It might even be a shapeshifter.” Marcus shuddered. “Let’s hope not. We fought a shapeshifter that came out of the blood pool a few weeks ago. Thing nearly killed the three of us.” “Yeah, and since we can’t contact anyone from the foundation, we’ve got no way of knowing if it’s part of the effects on the house, or another SCP altogether.” Marcus started pacing the room. “Okay, okay, first we have to find whatever’s copying our voices so we can either neutralise or contain it. Then we have to find Taylor, and whatever’s causing this house to turn into some insane pocket universe.” “Right, right, now where am I?” “What? Oh, you mean me. I put myself down over there.” He pointed at me right next to the door. “Right.” Marie picked me up. “Maybe we can use me as a bludgeon.” “Not bad. Maybe we can actually put me to some good use.”

Taylor had been wandering through the house for several minutes after being separated from Marie. They had been in a living room with walls leaking liquified flesh when Marie went through a door. Taylor had been distracted by the surroundings and accidentally wandered through another, seconds-old door. After that, she’d been aimlessly moving through room after room until going upstairs, only to look back and realize she’d gone downstairs. Other than that, the basement was relatively normal. Taylor started investigating any oddities with the basement when she saw a human sitting on a bench. Startled, she yelled, “Who are you?!” “Hey, relax, kiddo.” He leaned forward. “I don’t mean you any harm. In fact, I think you might make for a good addition to my little group.” “Group? What kind of group are we talking about here?” The man answered, “Sit down and I’ll tell you all about it.” “Alright.” Taylor shrugged, sitting on the bench next to the human.

Marcus and Marie had just gone through a hallway that slowly narrowed as they went through, nearly crushing them until they exited despite looking back showing the width to be the same all throughout. The next room was a living room where all the furniture was made of glass. In the corner was a giant, bright red monster. It looked vaguely like 682, except far smaller and more slender. When it opened its elongated, tooth-filled maw, it sounded exactly like Taylor. “Guys! Get over here, now!” “That’s gotta be the thing I heard earlier!” Marcus realized, grabbing his splatling gun and shooting the thing in the mouth. Marie took her charger and shot the thing in the eyes, effectively blinding it. While its mouth was open in pain, they each tossed a splat bomb into its mouth, causing its jaw to break in half. In the center of the room’s ceiling, the vent came crashing down, shattering a glass coffee table. Taylor came through, trying to stand on the ceiling like she thought she was going up instead of down, only to fall to the floor and crack the glass shards under her shoes. “Woah… up is down and down is up. Talk about disorienting.” “Hey, Taylor.” Marcus greeted. “So, what do you think this’ll do to the house’s value? Lots of extra room, gotta admit.” “Oh, very funny, Mark. Remember, we’ve gotta find the center of the house. That’s probably where the source of this whole thing is.” “Yeah, well, at least we found the thing that was mimicking my voice earlier.” Marie pointed at the monstrous red corpse. “Right, let’s get going then.” Taylor picked me up, starting towards another door. “Something tells me we’d better stay together for the time being.” Marcus rolled his eyes. “Unfortunately, you’re right.”


	39. the architect

Lauren came up to the food truck run by Crusty Sean. Despite being in the middle of the night, he was still at his business. Apparently, he and his new employee had started taking shifts at night so they could effectively stay open 24 hours a day. Doing so had made them one of the more profitable businesses at the plaza, and rumor had it some of the other shopkeepers were considering following in his footsteps. “Hey, mr. Sean?” “Yeah, kiddo? Y’need something?” “Can I have a chocolate milkshake, please?” “Sure thing, Lauren.” While Crusty was preparing the milkshake, Lauren remembered her time working with him a couple years ago. Back then, he’d been running a shoe store, but after moving to inkopolis square, he’d changed to running a food truck he called the crust bucket. Evidently, he’d moved his new business to the plaza after the interdimensional kaiju had attacked a few months ago. “So, how’ve your friends been doing?” Lauren took a second to realize the prawn was talking to her. “Oh, they’re doing just fine.” “You okay?” He sounded worried, like he could tell there was something wrong. “Yeah, it’s just, well, you know who I am, right?” “You mean agent 3?” He placed the shake on the counter, exchanged for a few sea snails as payment. “Yeah, agent 3. But are you sure we should be having this talk? I mean, don’t you have other customers to attend to?” Sean gestured at the empty plaza, only visibly inhabited by the two of them. “I think I’ve got a minute or two.” “Alright, fair enough. It’s just, well, a lot of stuff’s been happening to me lately, and I’m thinking I should go back to my old town for a while.” “Are you sure? I mean, I don’t want you driving yourself crazy with all this, but won’t the other agents need you?” Lauren shook her head. “Nah, I already got someone else to agree to be my successor. Plus, I’ve called an old friend at my original hometown, so I’ve got a place to stay for a while.” “Well, it’s a good sign that you have a plan, at least. You’ve been planning on leaving for a while, haven’t you?” “I think I started considering quitting about a couple weeks ago. It was a few days after we’d fallen into another dimension. I just blew up at Kat. My best friend, I owe her my life, and I just completely snapped at her. I called her useless to her face.” “Let me guess: That’s when you realized it was time to leave, wasn’t it?” “Yeah, I guess you could say that. After we got back, I think I had a delayed reaction. I mean, everything just hit me all at once.” She thought for a minute. “Do you mind me sharing all this with you?” “Laker, you were my employee of the month 12 times in a row back at Shrimp Kicks. You can tell me as much as you’re comfortable with.” “Dude, I was your only employee for a year back at Shrimp Kicks.” “Well, you still weren’t half bad.” “It’s just, I miss the old days. Back when my mind was always my own, the city wasn’t under threat from interdimensional kaijus, and there weren’t any old men made of acid.” “I can understand wanting something more simple. But are you sure you should leave so soon? First, I’d advise you make sure you’ve got everything done here that you can.” “Yeah, you’re right. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen Marcus or Marie in a while.” “well, do you have any idea where they are?” “Yeah, I think I heard they were at 624 main street. They should have been back by now. I think I ought to go there and see if they need help. Shouldn’t be too hard, but it’ll be my final mission, at least for a while.” “Alright, kiddo. Just take care of yourself. Ex-employee or not, I don’t want you getting yourself hurt.” “Thanks, man.” Lauren finished her drink and headed off towards main street.

“Come on you guys, we’ve gotta get to the center of this place!” Taylor dragged her two houseguests through a small door using their squid forms. The room they were in was entirely red, with swirling circles of black. They couldn’t tell if the circles were an optical illusion, but they seemed to be spinning around, disorienting the three. “Come on, let’s move. This room is painful to be in.” Marcus suggested. “No argument here. Wait, where’s the door?” Marie realized the door they’d come through had disappeared. “Up there.” Taylor pointed straight up, where a dark oaken door was closed on the ceiling. “Well, that’s nice and all, but how do we get up there?” Marcus’s question was answered when the room began spinning. The six sides of the room started moving and shifting, the patterns still appearing to swirl inwards and outwards, until the three felt they would soon vomit from the confusion. After half a minute, they got up to see the door now in the floor directly beneath them. No sooner had they noticed than the door swung downwards from their combined weight. Marcus, Taylor, and Marie fell upwards into a different room above the bottom of the room they had just been in. “You know, one of these days I’m going to get used to this sort of thing.” Marcus said, noticing the room they were in was strangely normal. It was just a living room with a couch and a few chairs, a carpet, and a coffee table. The only thing strange about the room was a hollow dodecahedron with circular holes in each face and a knob on each corner sitting on the coffee table. “Hey, there it is.” Taylor smiled, holding the object. “This appeared in my house last month, but it took me forever to find some way to contact the outside world and get help.” “Wait, that’s it? That’s the thing that caused all this?” Marcus pointed at the object in her hands. “It’s so small.” “Well, it appeared in my house just before I found an extra bathroom. I doubt it’s a coincidence.” “Hey, guys, where’d we leave me?” Marie asked, realizing they’d left me behind at some point. “Oh, crud, you’re right! We’ve gotta find me so we can put me back in containment!” Marcus started looking around frantically for me. “Hey guys, I found me.” Taylor pulled me out of a trapdoor that had suddenly appeared. “Convenient, but good work, Taylor.” “Thanks. Mark, why don’t you ever compliment me like that?” “I dunno. Maybe because you spent a month dating some other guy behind my back even though we were still going out, and then you messed with my ink tank so that I couldn’t refill when I ran out, so I lost my first turf war, and then you told me you’d been cheating on me, you two-timing sociopath!” “Marcus, that was years ago! Are you seriously not over that?” “Of course I’m over it! I moved here so I wouldn’t have to see you, so I could get a fresh start. But no, you just couldn’t let that happen, could you? You just had to come back and drag me into your mess, didn’t you?” “Oh come on, I broke up with Logan a couple months ago. I moved here after I found out you were living here, hoping you’d give me a second chance.” “I..I...Oh, yeah, great plan. Cheat on me, sabotage me, break up with your new boyfriend, and then come crawling back to me, thinking I’ll just give you a second chance even though you’ve given me no reason to trust you. Truly, you are one of the great strategists of our time.” “Yeah, sorry Taylor. That’s kind of insane.” Marie admitted. “Now come on, you two, let’s get out of this place.” “You got it. The sooner I can get away from her, the better.” He looked around the room, seeing a window that appeared to lead outside. “Come on, let’s try this one.”

Lauren had just made it to 624 main street, her destination. She started psyching herself up for what she’d find when the door opened, Marcus and Marie falling through along with some other girl Lauren didn’t recognise. “Wait, wasn’t that just a window?” Marcus looked back and forth at the door and driveway. “Hey, Lauren!” He ran over and hugged her. “Dude, what happened?” “Sorry, sorry, it’s just, I mean, I was in that house so long, and, and everything was just, oh man, I’ve got so much to tell you!” “Mark, what are you doing with that other girl? I guess you really are over me.” “Taylor, Lauren is two years older than me. Besides, I see her as more of a sister, if anything.” “Let me guess: Bitter ex-girlfriend?” “Yeah, something like that.” “Oh come on, you can’t seriously be leaving me for her, are you?” “Lady, did you not hear me? We...” He gestured between himself and Lauren, “Are not a thing. We...” Himself and Taylor this time, “Will never be a thing again. You had your chance, and you blew it.” Taylor started stammering, like she was trying to find her voice. “Well, fine then! You want to be alone your whole life? Be my guest! You know soon enough, you’ll come crawling back to me!” “We’ll see.” Marcus, Marie, and Lauren started back towards the base, leaving Taylor to her own rage. After a few minutes, the man from the basement emerged partway out of the gap between her house and the next on her side of the street, his face partly obscured in shadow. “See? What did I tell you? He doesn’t care about you anymore, if he ever did.” “Yeah. I guess you were right. You sure you can make him fall for me again?” The man stayed in the shadows, but Taylor could’ve sworn he was smiling. “Of course. Just join me, and we can help each other. Like how I made sure you didn’t lose track of me. What d'ya say, kid?” “Alright, David. I accept your offer.”

By the time the three made it back to the base, Callie, Katherine, and dr. Gears were sitting at the table. “Hey, cuz. Finally made it back, I see.” “Yeah. I brought me back, too.” Marie placed me on the table. I looked perfectly normal, all things considered. Two slots on my top for bread, a cable for power, my silver coloration dusted over by prolonged neglect. “Good. Now, can you explain why you took so long to retrieve me?” Gears requested. “Yeah.” Marcus took the dodecahedron out of his pocket and placed it on the table. “We think this thing was causing the house to expand on the inside.” “SCP-184. I’ll be bringing this back to my own dimension along with myself. Is there anything else I should be briefed on?” “Yeah, there was this giant red lizard that seemed to be mimicking our voices. We managed to neutralize it, though” Marie explained. “I believe you’re referring to SCP-939. We have several instances contained at one of our facilities.” Gears stood up, holding myself and the other SCP. “I’ll be back by tomorrow morning, provided I don’t come across any unforeseen complications.” He activated the dimensional transporter, going through and leaving it to close behind him. “So, I guess you two had an adventure, didn’t you?” Callie looked at Marie. “Yeah, I was a real mind-screw. Anything happen we should know about?” “Well octavio tried to spread some sort of television-based mind disease, but they managed to destroy the drive the file was on before anyone could get infected. Of course, King told us they weren’t sure if that was the only file or not, but the threat from that SCP in particular is at least over in this dimension.” She turned to Lauren, her face uncharacteristically serious. “You want me to tell them or...” “No, I should tell them.” She stared down at the table, taking a breath before continuing.“I...I’m going to quit.” She waited for her friends’ response. “Well, can you at least tell us why?” Marie asked. “Well, it’s just that I’ve been mind-controlled twice in the last few months, and I feel like I need to get away from all this for a while.” “Alright, I understand.” Marie responded. “Thanks. Marcus, do you...” Her voice trailed off, unsure of how to finish. “Lauren, you’ve been one of my best friends for months now. If you have to take a break for your own health, I’ll support you. Just make sure you keep in touch, will you?” “I...yeah, of course I will.” She felt like she was going to cry from relief. She’d been expecting them to protest, or try to convince her to stay behind. Instead, they apparently cared more about her mental health than she’d expected. “Thanks for understanding, guys.” “So, how long are you going to stay?” Kat asked. “I’m already planning on staying with an old friend, someone who still lives in my old town. I should be able to stay here another night.” “Alright, kid. Good luck.” Callie agreed. “You three want to be left alone?” “You two?” Marcus and Katherine nodded in the affirmative. “Yeah, thanks.” “Alright. We’ll be at our place if you need us.” The two cousins left through the main entrance. “You two sure you’re fine with-” “Dude, you’ve been doing this whole secret agent thing for 2 years now. I can’t blame you for needing a break.” “Well, most of those two years were uneventful. It’s just that, well, the mind-control...” “Hey, it’s cool. How long do you plan on staying away?” Marcus asked. “I’m not sure. Maybe a few weeks, maybe I’ll be quitting for good. I’ll have to see.” “Hey, remember how we tried to pull an all-nighter when we all first met?” Katherine blurted out. “Yeah? What about it?” “Well, why don’t we try again for old time’s sake?” Lauren grinned. “Yeah, that sounds nice.”

“Hey, Lauren, you tell the others you’re going?” Marcus asked. “Yeah, I let them know over the communicators a few hours ago. They didn’t seem to mind. Also, Kondraki apparently owes Clef money. By the way, what time is it?” Marcus looked at the nearby clock. “I think it’s about 3 in the morning.” “Oh shoot, the bus is coming! Sorry guys, I gotta get going!” “Alright, good luck. Hey, remember to stay in contact.” “You got it, Kat.” The yellow-haired girl left through the base’s main entrance, the other two agents left in the dim glow of the end credits of the movie they’d just finished.

The bus pulled up at its stop in Inkopolis city at 3:20, the driver opening the door. “Inkopolis, anyone getting off at Inkopolis, best get off now!” He called into the microphone. Several inklings and octolings got off, but only one individual got on. “20 sea snails.” The driver-a jellyfish with a round, blue head and long fingerless hands-told her, sounding as though he’d been through this routine time and again. “Oh yeah, here, uh, just let me, dammit, where’d I, sorry.” “Take your time. Not like I’ve got a schedule to keep up or anything.” “Found them.” The girl dropped more than a dozen small blue creatures with beady black eyes and glistening multicolored shells adorned with blunt spikes into a basket on the dashboard. The driver closed the payment drawer, gesturing to the back of the bus. “Just sit wherever.” “Thanks, sir.” Lauren walked through the aisle, seeing that the nearest available seat was next to a giant humanoid jellyfish about twice as big as her. She remembered fighting several individuals like him in the Deepsea Metro, and tried to remind herself of the peaceful ones from the fifthist bar. Even so, she found herself balling up her fists in case she had to defend herself. Lauren psyched herself up for the drive to Innsmouth county.


	40. church of the broken god

He was alone. His creator was long gone, dead for 12 thousand years. He had been originally built for standard house chores, but his creator had realized the tides were rising too fast, and humanity itself was about to end. Therefore, he had taken on a new purpose, to pass mankind’s knowledge on to whatever species inherited the earth. Over time, his programming had begun to deteriorate. He observed the new species, cephalopods growing humanoid forms and shapeshifting abilities. Over time, they developed their own culture, sports, and education. In some ways, they were similar to the humans of old. He grew hopeful. For now, he was stuck in the watery depths, but someday he would wash up on the surface. When that day came, he would finally fulfill his purpose and share the glory of humankind with this new species, and together they would usher in a new golden age for the earth. Perhaps someday, he would help them discover space travel, and he could locate possible human survivors on other planets. He wondered if there were any out there, and if so, how they had managed themselves for so long. He continued to watch the new species over the millennium. At some point, all of his hopes for them were completely eliminated. They had a massive war, and he realized all at once they were far inferior to the humans of old. They were petty little creatures, prone to judge based on the most worthless and insignificant of details. Over time, he grew to hate them. They were, in a word, disgusting. Over the millennium, they built a transportation system above him, but he couldn’t find any way to contact them. Tell them how much he despised them. There were other creatures in the underground though, evolved from the inhabitants of the ocean’s darkest depths. He was able to manipulate them without their knowledge, having them build their own subway system below the one created by the things he hated so much. At some point, much long after, some of the creatures started coming into his subway. He wanted to annihilate them on the spot, but realized he could do so much more. He set up an experiment, tests for these creatures to go through. Those who failed were transformed into his drones, unquestioningly loyal to him and him alone, maintaining their memories so they could know how much he had improved their state of being. Those who miraculously passed the tests, surpassing the incompetence and cowardice seemingly inherent to their brethren, were blended into a slurry. They were gradually ground together, their bodies and innards melted together into a liquid. He would someday have enough to bring an end to their species, and repopulate the earth with his own sanitized creations. Then, everything would finally be perfect. But no, of course it had to show up and ruin everything. Test subject 10,008. The one he hated most of all. It had been the first to both succeed and escape his trap. Of course, it hadn’t been capable of doing so on its own. It had outside help, another creature destroying the machine he was about to use to disintegrate the creature and add it to the mass. He subjugated the other creature to its will, trying to force them to kill each other. But no, once again the thing had to interfere, breaking his control over the inferior creature. He drove his construction out of the water, his ultimate weapon pointed at the creatures’ biggest city. He would finally eradicate these disgusting abominations, and the world would be perfect in his image. But no. no no no. more of the things showed up, and somehow, by some miracle, they managed to disable his weapon. No. It was merely depowered. The weapon could still work. He could still destroy their biggest city, cripple their economy and population. With any luck, the rest would fall to their own panic and stupidity. Even that they had to take away from him. They had a weapon of their own, somehow destroying the one he had spent two long years creating and perfecting. He was overcome with rage. If the word “hate” was etched into every piece of his circuitry, it would not equal one one-billionth of the hate he felt for all inklings and octolings at any given micro-instant. For test subject 10,008. His hatred was all he could think of. Hate. Hate. HATE.

“So, she really left, huh?” Jonathan West inquired. He was sitting at the table with Callie, Marie, Marcus, Katherine, Pearl, and Marina. “Yeah, she told us she was going back to the town where she grew up yesterday.” “Well, it’s unfortunate. Given what we’re up against, we could use as much help as we can get.” “Yeah, but think about it. She said she was leaving for the sake of her mental health, so maybe it’s for the best.” Callie acknowledged. “I mean, what if she had a panic attack or something during a fight? Then what? I’m just saying, we might’ve barely dodged a bullet when we raided Octavio’s fake base.” “I see your point.” Directly behind West, there was a noise coming from the main entrance. An inkling with blue tentacle-hair emerged, grinning at the assembled party. “Ethan? What’re you doing here?” Katherine asked. “And more importantly, how’d you find our base?” Ethan’s smile faded, replaced by a look of confusion. “Wait, didn’t Lauren tell you guys? She chose me as her successor; I’m the new agent 3.” “Wait a second, you? Why? You’re a civilian.” Marie pointed out. “Hey, I’m a member of the S4. Our team beat Lauren’s the first time she faced us, so I think I’ve got at least some experience.” Marcus got up from the table, approaching Ethan. “Dude, I’m not really sure turf war skills translate to actual fighting capabilities. Believe me, the stuff we’ve been facing is a bit more dangerous than a rival sports team.” “I know, but I was asked to do something, and I’m going to at least try to do it.” “Well, West, you did say we need all the help we can get. Maybe we should give him a chance, at least.” Pearl suggested. “Thank you. Glad someone here has faith in me.” Ethan adjusted his shirt collar as he walked over to the table, sitting in one of the empty chairs. “Hey, man, just because I’m fine with you joining us doesn’t mean you can sit in my chair. Get your own.” “Fine, fine.” Ethan changed seats as Marcus returned to his own. “Ethan, you may be able to prove your worth to us very soon.” West informed him. “I’ve been getting reports of strange activity near the coast.” He unfolded a map of the coast near Inkopolis, spreading it out across the table. “Right here, to be exact.” He pointed at a small red circle in the middle of the coastline, right near the sea. “From what I’ve gathered, it’s probably the Church of the Broken God.” “You know, I’m sure that would be really helpful if we knew what that was.” Ethan said. “Long story short, they’re a religious group that worships anomalous machinery. Their main goal is to repair a being known as the broken god, which will allow them to bring about a new world order.” “Hey, wait a sec. I think that’s near where we fought Tartar.” Katherine realized, pointing at the circle on the map. “Holy...I think you’re right.” Marina turned the map to get a closer look. “Yeah, that’s definitely the place.” “Well? I told you guys what the Church of the Broken God is. Mind telling me what Tartar is?” “From what we could figure out, it’s some sort of artificial intelligence created by one of the last humans. We think it was supposed to teach us about humanity, but at some point it went crazy and decided we weren’t worthy to inherit the world. It mind-controlled Lauren to try and kill me, and then me, Marina, and Pearl had to stop it from destroying all life on earth.” Kat explained. “Understood. Just to recap, genocidal AI from long ago that deviated from its original programming and tried to bring about armageddon. That sound about right?” “Yeah, pretty much.” Pearl agreed. “Actually, now that I think about it, we’ve got a cult that worships machines setting up shop right on the coast near where a machine nearly killed everyone. Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this picture?” “Good point.” West nodded. “We should go investigate to see what they’re up to, and neutralize their operations if necessary.” “Right. How many of us d’you want to send out?” Marcus asked. “Well, I’d say you and Kat should go first. You two have shapeshifting capabilities that should give you an edge in espionage. The rest of us will keep in touch with you through the communicators, and back you up if necessary.” “Great plan, but are you sure it’s a good idea to use technology to communicate if we’re going up against a tech cult?” Ethan asked. “Huh. Now that you mention it, a lot of their members have technological enhancements. It’s entirely possible they might have some way of detecting communications signals. Not bad, new guy. Course, that means thaumaturgic communications are going to be our best bet.” “Right.” Marcus stood up from the table. I’ll get my friends from the serpent’s hand to hook us up with some magical communication.” “Who?” “Oh, right. Ethan, the serpent’s hand are a group of anomalous rights activists. I managed to befriend a few of them a while back, long story, and they’ve been our magic support group ever since.” “And you can contact them?” “Of course.” He pulled a card out of his pocket. “They gave me this library card a couple weeks ago after my first one got broken. I can use it to access the Wanderer’s Library at the center of the multiverse.” He took out a pencil, drawing a series of runes on the table. “Best stand back.” He continued, “Magna bibliotheca ad centrum omnium, aperta tibi ad me.” A small portal appeared directly above the table, shimmering blue. Marcus jumped onto the table, diving through the Way a few seconds before it closed itself.

“Hey, guys. Find anything?” “Yeah, actually.” Dana said, apprehensively. “That is, we found some info on the Scarlet King’s origins.” “Really?” Marcus ran over to the group. “Tell me!” “Well, from what we could gather, he was one of the elder gods from the beginning of the multiverse. He absorbed the power from his brothers and subjugated the goddess Sanna to be his bride. Together, the happy couple sired seven children, except Sanna was killed in the process. Naturally, the king went and made his seven daughters his brides, creating armies of monsters through them. The only one who wasn’t broken under his will was the youngest bride-daughter, A’habbat, whose children became heroes dedicated to stopping the King’s monsters.” “Wow. Hey, wait a minute. You’re saying the Scarlet King had seven bride-daughters? I think that might have something to do with the poem we found. Jack, can I see it?” “Yeah, here.” Jack pulled the paper out of his pocket and handed it to Marcus. “Thanks, man. Alright, see, first line. Seven seals, seven rings, seven brides for the scarlet king. I’m not sure where the seals come in, but the rings could be wedding rings. They gather round the natal bed, the foolish and the wise. That could be the children the Scarlet King had with Sanna and his daughters, which, y’know, gross, but whatever. Plus, you said one of the bride-daughters fought back against the king, and there’s a couple things in the poem that come in sevens, but have an odd one out. The potter’s apprentice who made six pots and marred the seventh, the fox who broke six eggs and left the seventh. And then there’s the other lines. Six of the bride-daughters have already given birth, but the seventh still hasn’t. But I thought the seventh bride-daughter gave birth to an army of heroes in ancient times.” “Let me see that.” Troy took the poem himself. “Well, there’s some modern-sounding medical terminology here. Doctor’s blade, surgeon’s knife, a gun. This poem was probably made in recent years. So why does it say only six of the seven bride-daughters have given birth?” Marcus thought for a moment. “Maybe it’s some sort of history repeats itself deal. Either way, good work, guys. I mean, it’s not much, but I’ll settle for any lead at this point. By the way, you guys ever hear of a group called the Church of the Broken God?” “Oh yeah, the devout. They’re more of a friendly rival group to the serpent’s hand, if anything.” Fred acknowledged. “Yeah, well, friendly rival or not, we think they might be repairing an AI that nearly ended my world a few months ago.” “Alright, you want us to go with you and help you fight them?” “Actually, Jack, we just need you guys to get us magical communications so we can sneak into the church’s hideout without risking them sensing us using tech to communicate.” “Alright, give me a few minutes. I think I can whip up something decent. How many people we talking here?” “8. 2 infiltrators, and 6 staying behind as backup.” “Got it. Should only be five minutes.” Marcus, Dana, Troy, and Fred started looking through the shelves. After a short while, Jack held up 8 tiny circular objects, glowing a bright blue-green. “Here. Just put one of these in your ear, say who you want to talk to, and you’ll both be able to hear and be heard by each other.” “Alright, got it. Thanks, this’ll really help us.” Marcus used the card to create another Way back to the base.

Somewhere around 3 hours into the drive, the bus had stopped to allow the passengers to get something for breakfast. Lauren was eating an egg sandwich while trying to make small talk with the jellyfish guy next to her. “So, uh, where’re you from?” “the Deepsea Metro.” “Oh, right. Hey, you know how far Innsmouth County is from here?” “4 hours.” “Oh, okay. Where are you headed?” “New Port Town.” “Right, right.” Lauren shifted uncomfortably in the cheap leather seat, fuzz poking out of a few small tears here and there, examining the graffiti adorning the walls. Some of it was fairly innocuous, but most was standard graffiti; political messages, swear words, and vulgar phrases, some of which she had never heard before. She looked back at the man next to her, decided she didn’t have much of anything to discuss with him, and went back to her breakfast. She remembered learning of how the Deepsea Metro train had emerged into normal space after Tartar had been destroyed, and how they’d guessed it was because Tartar was somehow manipulating the electromagnetic something-or-others. Lauren didn’t pretend to understand it, but the gist was that over the past few months, more and more of these strange, deep sea creatures had been migrating to the surface.

At around 10 in the morning, Marcus and Katherine used their shapeshifting to turn into squids, swimming through the ink trail they created on the wall of the abandoned building where they’d tracked the Church of the Broken God. “There.” Kat whispered, pointing out a tiny hole in the middle of the wall next to a support beam. Her companion nodded, the two turning back into squids to walk off the sloped roof onto the thick wooden beam. “Ready?” Marcus whispered. Kat held her finger to her lips, pointing downwards. About 8 dozen people stood assembled in the building, walls decorated with a hammer striking a rock with lightning. The floors were carpeted, and at the front there was a podium. On the podium stood a man in flowing silver-grey robes kneeling at the feet of a humanoid sculpture. It was massive, about ten feet tall. At closer inspection, they realized it wasn’t a sculpture, but rather a robot. “You two see anything yet?” Marcus heard Ethan whisper from his mystical communicator. “Yeah, it looks like one of them is worshipping some kind of robot, but it doesn’t look like it’s on at the moment.” “Maybe they’re giving it some kind of power source.” Marina suggested from Kat’s communicator. “Of course, that begs the question of what kind of power source they’re using.” “Yeah, well, if it’s what I’m thinking it might be then- Wait, look!” Kat tried to stay quiet as she pointed down at the robot, which was being approached by four men from near the front of the podium. The robed man moved aside to let them pass, slowly approaching the robot. “Hey, Kat, what’s that thing they’re putting into the robot’s neck?” “What?” Kat leaned closer, noticing for the first time that the robot didn’t have any head, just a thick neck with a hole in the top. Except now, the four men were placing a familiar-looking telephone into the hole, one with a makeshift face on the front. “Oh no.” With a look of dread, she whispered into her communicator, “Everyone, get over here now!” She then pulled out a splat bomb, gesturing for Marcus to do the same. The both of them tossed the explosives between the robot and the robed cultist, throwing the latter off the podium into the building in general. While the rest were trying to figure out what was going on, the robot raised its arm, firing a bright yellow beam of heat out of its palm. The heat blast broke part of the support beam they were standing on, causing the two to fall into the crowd below while the ceiling sagged a little from the sudden loss of support. West, Callie, Marie, Pearl, Marina, and Ethan had been stationed a few hundred feet away from the building in case the two recon agents needed backup. Now they burst through the front door, weapons at the ready. “You guys deal with the cultists. Me and Marcus can handle Tartar.” “Wait, that thing is Tartar?” West asked, pointing at the robot that was now marching towards them. “Yeah. It’s a different body, but I’d recognise that face anywhere. You ready, man?” “You kidding? Bout time I got to see what this guy’s made of!” The two of them ran at the machine, tossing two more splat bombs at it. Tartar fired a couple more of its new palm lasers at the explosives, causing them to break harmlessly. Marcus pulled out his splatling gun while Katherine whipped out her dualies, both firing streams of concussive ink at their enemy. Tartar showed no reaction as he continued to rush them, striking both with a slap hard enough to send Kat reeling backwards while Marcus was launched several dozens of feet off to the side. He got up as quickly as he could, punching several cultists and striking some others with his weapon. The man in the silver-grey robes-probably the cult leader-reappeared, kicking at Marcus. He managed to dodge the strike, watching as the man’s arm elongated, folding in on itself and changing shape in a matter of seconds. The arm-now transformed into a sword with the hilt on the elbow-swung downwards at Marcus, who attempted to block it with his splatling. The thick metal cylinder fell apart like butter, the two halves steaming as though the sword had some sort of heat built into it. “”Woah, buddy, maybe we can talk this out. I mean, maybe this is all some kind of crazy misunderstanding.” “You attacked our gathering place just as we were about to grant our god a physical form in this dimension. There is no misunderstanding.” “Wait, your god? I don’t know what that guy told you, but he’s no god. He’s been tricking you!” “Silence!” The cult leader roared, his blade nearly glowing with heat from his rage. “I will cut you down for your blasphemy, you insolent child!” He ran at Marcus, swinging his sword again. The inkling turned into his squid form, allowing the blade to pass over him while he maneuvered between the cultist’s legs. Marcus jumped onto the man’s back, trying to force him down onto the ground. The cult leader swung his sword, Marcus barely getting off before his face could be chopped off. He stumbled backwards until he was grabbed from behind by half a dozen cultists. They must’ve had some mechanical augmentations, given their vice-like grips. “Hold him. For daring to accuse our glorious clockwork god, Mekhane, of deception, I shall kill him myself.” The cultist walked a few feet over to Marcus, raising his sword-arm for the kill. With no weapon and no way of defending himself since he’d just get stabbed immediately if he tried transforming, Marcus closed his eyes, bracing himself for the inevitable. For a brief moment, he wondered what death would be like. That moment ended when he heard the swordsman yell out in rage and confusion. A glowing star-shaped portal appeared in the floor between them, shifting between multiple hues of blue, green, and yellow. A human figure jumped out of the star, yelling “Neart teine!” His hand now wreathed in blue flames, the stranger punched the cult leader in the face hard enough to send him reeling. Turning around, he yelled, “Get down, now!” Marcus turned back into a squid while the newcomer shouted, “biodagan solais!” Five glowing daggers shot out of his fingers, creating small explosions in the faces of the cultists holding the younger one. “Thanks, man. Hey, aren’t you that fifthist bartender?” “Yeah, name’s Lewis. Long story.” The man with a sword for an arm jumped at them, blade swinging downwards. “claidheamh agus sgiath!” A glowing blue shield appeared on his arm, blocking the enemy blade. A shining red sword appeared in his other hand, swiping at the broken god’s worshipper. “I’ll deal with Robert Bumaro; you help your friends.” “Got it.” Marcus ran into the general fighting, seeing that the others were handling themselves well against the rest of the cultists. Ethan was doing well for a newbie, especially with West backing him up. Kat, meanwhile, was still fighting Tartar. Then again, ‘fighting’ might’ve been an exaggeration, given how she was doing. All of her attacks failed to elicit any sort of reaction from the robot, which grabbed her and started to crush her. Katherine turned into her octopus form to try and escape, only for the robot to grab her tentacle and toss her away, slamming into a wall. “Test subject 10,008. I have come to hate you more than anything over the past few months. Killing you will bring me my greatest satisfaction before I cleanse this world.” Marcus jumped onto his back, only to be thrown onto the wall near Kat. “Hey, c’mon, get up.” The two stood their ground to try to face the robot. It fired another couple of heat blasts at them, dodging to jump over the small explosion. Kat threw one of her dualies at its face, actually causing it to stumble backwards. “The phone!” She realized. “That must be its weak point!” “Let’s hit it for massive damage!” Marcus ran over to Tartar, dodging its punches and distracting it long enough for Kat to shoot it with her remaining dualie. “Enough!” Tartar jumped several feet up, bringing its fist down with enough force to knock the two onto the ground. “I am commander Tartar, greatest creation of professor Vincent Schlumper, the last true genius of humankind. Your species should never have crawled out of the ocean, and I will make sure this world is cleansed of your filth so that the world may be repopulated with a true worthy successor to humanity, created through my own genetic engineering.” At the same time, the fifthist bartender called, “gust gaoithe!”, creating a gust of wind that knocked Robert Bumaro over to Tartar. “Wait, my lord, what are you saying? You are Mekhane, great lord of machinery. You have no human creator. Unless… no, no that-that’s impossible. You really were deceiving me!” “Well, you can hardly blame me for taking advantage of an opportunity. I needed you to make me a new form, and convincing you I was your god was clearly the most efficient method.” “So the child was telling the truth. You are the blasphemer, and for that you will perish, and your parts repurposed for the benefit of the Mekhanites.” He struck Tartar with his sword, knocking him back a foot. “Fifthist! My apologies for the misunderstanding; I was deceived by the machine.” “Good. does this mean you’re on our side now?” “I suppose so.” “It doesn’t matter! Human or semi-evolved marine organism, I will purge the earth of all inferior lifeforms! If that includes you, then so be it” “spreadhadh!” The fifthist held out his hands, throwing a head-sized sphere of blue light at Tartar, causing an explosion that knocked the robot through a wall, unmoving. “Dude, that was awesome!” Kat congratulated, shaking the bartender’s hand. “Thanks, kid. Name’s Lewis. Come on, we have to get out of here.” “Wait, I need to tell my fellow mekhanites.” Robert Bumaro turned his sword back into an arm, returning to the podium and picking up the knocked-over microphone. “Everyone, stop!” Over the course of half a minute, the combatants ceased fighting each other. The last punch thrown was Marina stopping right as her fist made contact with a random mekhanite’s face. “Sorry, sorry.” “Good. Now, let it be known that we were deceived, and the robot was merely a false idol, using us for its own gain! The interlopers were trying to warn us of the danger, and mean us no harm. Let them leave peacefully so we may continue our worship of the great Mekhane in peace. As soon as we fix that wall, I mean.” While the group was leaving, Ethan lagged behind, surprised at how exhausted he was. “Hey, you guys keep going. I’ll just catch my breath a minute.” “Alright, don’t take too long.” West continued with the rest of the group. “Ah man. One day, I’m practicing for a turf war, the next, I’m joining a militia to save the world from interdimensional horrors. Guess that’s just life.” He thought he felt an unseen presence watching him a few seconds before he was dragged into the darkness of the alley.

At 10:30 in the morning, the bus stopped for what felt like the hundredth time that day. “Innsmouth county, anyone getting off at Innsmouth, best get off now!” Lauren shot up from the bus seat, now empty next to her, and walked over to the front of the bus. “Thanks.” “Uh huh, that’s nice, kid.” While the bus left for its next stop, Lauren started walking down the street, observing the parallel lines of relatively well-painted houses and mailboxes. Leaning against the wall of a pizzeria, Lauren pulled out her cell phone to open her messages and check the address she’d be staying at. “Alright, alright, not too far.” “Hey, kid, you know you’re loitering?” Someone wearing an employee uniform came out of the clear plexiglass door next to her. “Oh, sorry. I was just checking my messages.” “Alright, but you’ll have to either buy something or get on your way.” “Y’know, I think I might have enough on me.” A few minutes later, Lauren had spent nearly all her remaining sea snails on a medium pizza with various assorted toppings, and was now trying to get to the place she’d be staying at for the time being.

“Alright, team, good work. We managed to get the Church of the Broken God on our side, or at least they won’t try to attack us in this dimension.” Marcus celebrated. “Yeah, but Tartar might still be out there. For all we know, Lewis might’ve only incapacitated it.” “Katherine’s right, but even if Tartar is only incapacitated, we should have time to take a break.” West replied. “New guy, what do you-” He looked around, realizing they were short one agent. “Hey, where’s Ethan?” “I dunno, he should’ve at least teleported here by now. Let me call him.” Marcus used his communicator to contact the newcomer. “Yo, Ethan, where are you?” “Mark, turn on the computer, now!” Startled by his friend’s tone, Marcus turned on the computer. After 5 seconds of static, a room appeared onscreen. The lighting was dim, but they could see the room itself was grungy, with graffiti all over the dusty brown walls and the floor covered in soot. 20 feet away from the camera roughly in the center of the shot, Ethan sat tied to a chair, David and Taylor standing next to him. “Hi, Mark! Did you miss me?”


	41. a new challenger approaches

“Taylor! What the hell are you doing with him? What is this?” “Relax, kid. Your girlfriend is just helping me out. We’ve decided we have enough in common to help each other.” “I don’t know what she told you, but she’s not my girlfriend. Now, just tell me what’s going on here.” “Sure thing, Marky! See, I’m going to challenge you to a battle, 4-on-4. You win, we let your friend go and put this whole thing behind us. We win, you have to go out with me.” “Yeah, mind explaining what’s stopping us from finding out where you are and busting him out ourselves?” Katherine asked. “I dunno. This?” David pulled out his magic pistol from their last encounter, pointing it at Ethan’s head. “Yeah, guys, that’s a pretty good answer. I’d say take up their offer. Please.” “Alright, Taylor. We’ll play along with your sick game. But if you go back on our deal, we’ll-” “Oh Mark, you’re hardly in a position to negotiate. David here’s already helped me put together a team, and I’d suggest doing the same yourself.” “Now, any more questions?” “Yeah, David. I thought you wanted me to join you.” “Oh, please, Kat. Taylor here is like a daughter to me. Besides, you’ve made it quite clear you have no interest in being a member of Are We Cool Yet?. Any more idiocies?” “I think we’re done here.” Callie said, deadpan. “Good. Marky, remember our date. Oh, and the fight is a mile off the center of the southern border of Inkopolis in half an hour. One last thing: Inklings and octolings only. Otherwise, we’ll be putting the magic pistol to good use.” Taylor walked over to the computer on her end and pressed a key, closing the call. “Well kids, looks like you’re going off to fight.” West added.

A knock on his front door distracted Tyler from his reading. “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming.” Tyler walked over to the still-knocking door, opened it, and got punched in the face. “Ow, geeze, third time this week.” “Sorry, sorry, I thought you didn’t hear me knocking.” “Yeah, trust me, I heard you.” He took a closer look at her, finally recognising the girl. “Hey wait a second. Lauren?” “Yeah, Tyler. Did you already forget?” “No, come in.” “Thanks, man. Hey, I brought something.” She picked up a pizza box off the doorstep, crumpled in several places. “Oh, cool. Thanks.” “No problem. I figured if you were letting me stay at your place, the least I could do is get us something to eat.” Opening the box, they saw the pizza was half-crushed, the toppings were scattered all over, and the cheese had been torn off halfway. “What did the poor pizza ever do to you?” “It’s a long story involving the pavement, a motorcycle, and multiple cars. But it’s still edible. Probably.” “Well, that’s good enough for me. Hey, is that tofu?” “Yeah, I wasn’t sure what toppings you’d want, so I just got the works and hoped for the best.” “Thanks, Lauren. By the way, don’t worry about rent right now, but I’d like you to get a job by next week.” “Alright, I’ll keep that in mind. Hopefully the others won’t need me back at Inkopolis. I mean, I’d probably go back to help them if I really had to, but we’ve got enough allies in the other dimension that we shouldn’t have to worry about that for right now.” “That’s good. Oh, I just realized; I’ve gotta introduce you to my other friends. Tomorrow, you think?” “Yeah, sounds good.” Lauren agreed with her old friend, who was a similarly-aged inkling with his blue hair tied in a bun.

“Sorry guys, but Ethan’s obviously not here.” Trent announced. The three remaining members of team Splat 4-Trent, Sydney, and Madison-had all tried and failed to contact Ethan all day to no avail, and the resulting search through his house yielded no results. “We need to call someone. Right now.” Madison went over to the phone hanging off a nearby wall. “What if he was taken by some anomaly? I’m calling the New Squidbeak Splatoon.” “You sure that’s a good idea? I mean, isn’t this more of a mundane police deal?” “Trent, remember a few days ago when he was attacked by that weird flesh worm thing? That’s not a mundane police thing. I just have this feeling, like we need those anomaly-catchers. Hello? New Squidbeak Splatoon? Yeah, my friend’s gone missing, and I think there might be something anomalous involved. Uh, his name? Ethan. Yeah, the Splat 4. Wait, really? Are you sure? Why? Okay, if you say so. Where is it? Oh, there? We’ll be right over.” She hung the phone back up. “Apparently they want us at the base.” “What? Why? What reasonable reason could they possibly have for letting us in there? Wasn’t their base and headquarters meant to be a secret of the utmost secrecy?” Sydney asked in her usual homicide of basic grammar. “I dunno, but he just told me their location. Whatever this is, it must be important.” “Well then, what’re we waiting for? Let’s get going already!” Trent gestured towards the door.

“Now, David, you’re sure these guys can take down my enemies?” “Of course, Taylor. Don’t worry, my creations have more than enough power to get the job done.” “Good, they’d better. I think the prisoner is starting to get restless.” “You guys do realize I can hear you, right? I mean, I’m still in the room with you.” “Oh, be quiet, will you? I’m trying to make fine art here! Now, where was- ah, yes, that’s right.” David turned to his latest painting and spoke the incantation, “potentia ventus, ignis, et terra, surge et annihilare!” The painting shimmered dozens of colors, some more nameable than others, for a few seconds until three new creatures emerged, ready for battle.

“So you’re telling me that Marcus’s crazy ex kidnapped Ethan with the help of a magic painter terrorist from another dimension, and now they’re challenging us to a 4-on-4 battle?” Trent asked. “I’m afraid that’s the gist of it.” West confirmed. “Alright then. What’s the plan?” “Me, Marie, Marcus, and Kat will go and fight, since we’ve got more fighting experience between the four of us.” Callie explained. Her cousin added, “I want you three to go with West here as a search party looking for Ethan. If we can find and recover him without having to play by the enemy’s rules, that’s even better. Pearl, Marina, you two stay here and maintain the base. If there’s any calls about anomalous activity, let the search team know immediately.” “You got it.” Pearl agreed. “Right. Everyone clear on your roles?” West asked. The 5 inklings and 4 octolings nodded in confirmation. “Good. Now let’s move out, everyone.”

The battle team ran past Inkopolis’s southern border, the grass starting to show the first signs of the coming winter snowfall and the air growing slightly colder from last month. After a few minutes, They came across Taylor. In fact, they came across four of her. “Oh there you guys are. You know, I was starting to think you’d forgotten about me.” “Can it. Isn’t one of you enough?” Katherine asked. “Well, I did tell you David was helping me put my team together, didn’t I?” “Of course! He made clones of you from a painting, didn’t he?” “Good work figuring that out, uhh, which one are you?” “Katherine.” “Right, right, Katherine. Well believe me, these ‘clones’ have so much more power than you can imagine. Observe.” she pointed at her opposition, ordering, “Attack! Now!” The clones stretched their hands out towards the other team, each firing a different element at them: Fire, wind, and earth. The four of them managed to dodge the blast of flame, but they were still hit by the gust of wind and rock. “Okay, guys, we’re fighting elementals here. We need to go all out.” Marie stated. “David was controlling that serpent he created a month or two ago. Maybe we can-” Kat was cut off by the fire elemental jumping at her, creating an arcing vertical line of flame. She backflipped out of the way, shooting her dualies at the pyrokinetic. “Mark! Focus on fighting Taylor; the rest of us will keep the elementals off of you.” “What? Why? Because she’s your ex, and if we take down the leader the rest should fall.” “Alright, got it.” While Marcus tried to find the original Taylor, Callie decided to fling her roller at the elemental nearest to her. It produced a gale, forcing the roller to fly back towards her head. Callie ducked, grabbing the roller out of midair and spinning it around to hit the air elemental before it could get closer to her. Katherine dodged the fire elemental’s blasts, repeatedly shooting at it whenever she got a chance. Marie looked around the battlefield for her own opponent, until the ground beneath her erupted, knocking her back while the earth elemental shot into the air, rocketing back down behind her and punching the ground. A straight line in front of the geokinetic raised into the air, Marie jumping on top of it to jump back off and fire her charger at her enemy. “Taylor! Show yourself!” “Really, Marky, I thought you didn’t want to see me anymore. The least you could do is make up your mind.” She tried kicking at him, but the agent easily dodged her attack, following up by punching her in the face. “Ow! Dude, what did I ever do to you?” “I-I-WHAT?!” Marcus screamed, floored by her insanity. “You teamed up with a terrorist from another dimension, kidnapped my friend, and challenged me to fight you in a convoluted attempt to force me to go out with you! Need I go on?” Instead of bothering with an answer, Taylor tried several erratic strikes with her legs and arms, all of which Marcus easily dodged. “You’re too unfocused. You need to-” He was interrupted by a swift kick to the face. “Like that?” “Yeah, that’ll work.” Marcus pulled out his splatling, firing a stream of blue ink at Taylor. She managed to roll to the left, running faster than the splatling gun could turn. “Oh crud, out of ink.” Without any ammo left, Marcus opted to throw the medium-sized, barrel-shaped weapon at Taylor. She turned into a squid just long enough for it to pass overhead, jumping up and punching Marcus in the face before pivoting around on one leg and kicking him in the chest with the other, knocking him a few feet back. “You threw away your weapon. Never throw away your weapon, Marky.” She pulled out a giant inkbrush about as tall as herself, slamming the head into Marcus hard enough to send him spinning and stumbling backwards several feet. She followed up by trying to strike him head-on with the blunt end of the brush, only for Marcus to grab the handle and pull the weapon out of Taylor’s hands, causing her to stagger forwards until Marcus punched her in the stomach, knocking her to the ground and putting his knee on her stomach, keeping her from standing up. “”I win.” Marcus held the inkbrush to Taylor’s head, its wide top right above her. “Call off your elementals right now.” He ordered. “Oh please. You may have taken me out, but the elementals are still in perfect fighting condition. Besides, you’ll still have me to deal-” She was interrupted by Marcus striking her once more with the inkbrush, causing her to yelp in pain. “Okay, okay, you win! Elementals! You’re no longer needed! We’ve lost.” The three doppelgangers paused in their tracks, dissolving into their respective elements. “Good. Now, where’s Ethan?” “He’s in the abandoned shack in the alley next to the place where those machine cultists are hiding out. I’ll tell David we’re letting him go.” “Alright, good.” Marcus got up, allowing Taylor to run off. “You sure we can trust those two to keep their word?” Katherine questioned. “Oh, of course not. That’s why we’ve got our search party, remember?” Marcus confirmed. “Speaking of which, let’s head back to base.” Marie added. The four of them entered their transporter codes to teleport back to the base.

“Guys, I just got a call from Kat. The battle team just managed to beat Taylor and get Ethan’s location.” Trent recited the instructions to his two friends. “Excellent! Now let’s make our move and get over there to save our friend from our opposing enemies!” Sydney pointed her splattershot in the air, firing three small bursts in celebration. The four made their way to their destination when West’s phone started ringing. “Hello? Okay, understood. You two stay there for the time being; I’ll let the other group know about the SCP.” He hung up the communicator. “An SCP has entered this dimension. I’ll let the other group know about it so they can deal with the threat while the four of us make sure Taylor and David keep up their end of the bargain.” “Alright, we’ll wait over here.” Madison agreed.


	42. heart of darkness

“Okay, understood. We’ll deal with it, and you guys keep doing your thing.” Marie pocketed her communicator. “That was dr. West. Apparently SCP-058’s gotten to this dimension, and is terrorizing the downtown area. It’s a mutant cow heart with tentacles and a scorpion tail, and according to West, it’s extremely dangerous.” “A mutant heart? Just when I thought these things couldn’t get any weirder. Let’s go team!” Callie replied. The four of them ran back into the city limits.

“Hey, dude, I’ve got a question.” Ethan asked “Yeah? Keep it to yourself.” David ordered. “Well, it’s just, you do know my species can shapeshift, right? So, what’s stopping me from just turning into a squid and slipping right out of these ropes? How do you know I’m not just toying with you?” “You’re just now thinking of this, kid?” “No, I’ve been thinking about it for a while now. So, why can’t I shapeshift my way out of here?” “Simple. Taylor taught me how to see when one of you inklings are about to try turning into your squid form. If I see you making just the right joint movements, I’ll use my thaumaturgic pistol to blast your head off.” “Wow, you really thought this through, didn’t you? By the way, if my friends defeated your team like you said a few minutes ago, aren’t you going to release me?” “Don’t worry, Taylor convinced me to keep up our end of the bargain. Just as well; you’re starting to annoy me.” “Oh good, good. Say, that’s a very nice gun. Where’d you get it?” “Oh, this little beauty? I purchased it from an antique shop owned by Marshall, Carter, & Dark ltd. You wouldn’t believe the price, but I’d say it was worth it.” He offhandedly shot the wall, causing a brief blast that left a large black mark. “Yeah, I’d say that’s a nice gun.” The door was opened behind him. “Alright, David, I’m back.” “Right, right.” David untied the ropes on Ethan’s chair, allowing him to stand up. “Thanks, man.” He tried to keep himself standing up after sitting for so long. “Yeah, yeah, just get out, now.” Taylor pushed Ethan in the direction of the exit before sitting in his chair and slumping over. “I don’t believe it. I had the perfect chance to get him to give me a second chance, and I blew it!” “Hey, now. I’m sure we can think of a new plan. We’ll get your boyfriend to love you again-” “No, David! Don’t you see? He’s never going to like me again, much less love me. So that leaves only one option: I’m going to destroy him and everyone and everything he holds dear. If he won’t love me, then I’ll just have to make him hate me.” By now, she was grinning like a lunatic. “Alright, kid, I’ll help you out with your revenge. But first, it’s almost lunchtime. I’ll make us something, and you get back to your sulking.” “Alright, thanks, David.”

“So what do we do to find this thing? I mean, downtown’s a pretty big area.” Marcus asked, just as the group turned the corner to see a street filled with flaming car wrecks, broken windows, and wide trenches carved into the pavement and walls. “Maybe we should just follow the trail of death and destruction.” Kat answered. The four of them walked down the street, weapons at the ready. When they turned the corner, they heard a deep voice with a smooth british accent. “You had nightmares of the glorious terrors that lived within the hearts of hate and silent torments of all the youthful elderly that I knew were once whole in the future.” “That must be the SCP! Man, this guy’s making the bird sound sensible.” Marcus acknowledged. “Alright, everyone, we need to subdue this thing and get it back into containment. Hopefully by the time we’re back, Gears will be back.” Marie instructed. “Alright, let’s do this!” Callie yelled, the team turning the corner to see a tiny creature lifting a car into the air with two of its tentacles, and tossing it straight at them. Marie loaded her charger, firing at the car a dozen feet above them. The car spun away from them and back towards the entity, gas leaking from the engine until it exploded. The heart flung itself towards the four agents, swiping its scorpion-like tail at them. They managed to jump backwards, falling to the ground while the street where they’d just been standing was reduced to a rubble-filled trench. Callie flung her roller at the thing, only for it to grab the weapon with its tentacles and effortlessly snap it in half, tossing the pieces back at the agents. “Why you little… Do you have any idea how hard my grandfather worked on that thing?!” “You seek the secrets of all that the unholy told to the wise and unwise alike in the dreams of scorching cold ashes in black sunlight that fade across oceans of dark blood and serpents that eat the bread of children from lamb trees in the rising fall.” “Okay, this guy’s really creeping me out. Let’s take him down!” Marcus pulled out his splatling gun, shooting at the entity. It vaulted over the stream of blue ink with its scorpion tail, diving straight towards Marcus. It wrapped its tentacle around him, tossing him into a second-story window. He skidded off a coffee table, stopping just before he would’ve hit his head on a hardwood wall. “Sorry about that, dude.” He told the man sitting on the couch just in front of the coffee table, jumping back out the window before he could hear the homeowner mutter to himself, “Darn teenagers.” While that was going on, Kat was having difficulties getting close enough to shoot the heart with her dualies, aiming at the erratically-moving creature, and dodging its tentacles all at once. At some point, it nearly managed to disembowel her with its stinger. Instead, she managed to dodge it, only to get knocked into a brick wall by one of its tentacles. Looking up, she saw Marcus jump out of a broken window, firing his splatling at the SCP on his way down. Seeing her opportunity, Kat tossed a splat bomb at the thing, allowing it to explode right next to the target. The mutant heart was flung far downstreet, seemingly incapacitated for the time being. “Alright! We’ve got it!” Callie celebrated. “I’m not sure we’re out of the woods yet. I say we make sure it’s down for the count, and then bring it back to base so they can get it back into proper containment.” Marie recommended. The four of them ran towards SCP-058, which got up and planted its tentacles into the ground, using them to vault towards the agents. They were scattered across the street, unable to get up before the SCP wrapped its appendages around their necks, lifting them several dozens of feet in the air. “Perpetual agony is the joy of ignorant men who always lack to seek the glowing black depths of their fellows’ hearts and see naught but the infinite wealth of a poor world screaming to burn its own stomach in dagger wounds of silver and miserable rejoice.” Marcus could feel himself gasping for breath, trying to pull the thing off of his throat, but it just seemed to grow tighter around his neck. He tried turning his head, struggling to see his friends through his blurred vision. They didn’t seem to be doing much better, Kat not even having enough breath in her to scream. As their vision was starting to turn black, the agents simultaneously heard a loud THUD before dropping to the ground. After a few seconds of trying to regain their vision, they saw dr. West getting out of a car along with Trent, Madison, Ethan, and Sydney. “Guys! What just-” “I ran over a mutant cow heart to save your lives. You’re welcome.” West explained. “Thanks man. Hey, Ethan, I take it these guys managed to find you after all?” Marcus surmised. “Actually, they let me go on their own.” “Huh. I’m surprised my ex actually kept her word, much less David. Oh crud, guys look!” SCP-058 had stabbed the underside of the car with its stinger, flinging it at the nine-man squadron. They scattered, allowing the car to break into a crumpled heap where they just were. “Alright Splat 4, time for the fight of our lives!” Ethan readied his splatling, while the others prepared their own weapons. “Syd, Maddie, make us a trail!” Trent instructed. The two fired their weapons at the ground, covering it in green ink. Since all of the S4 members were still using green, Ethan and Trent were able to swim in the ink to get closer to SCP-058, the agents and West drawing fire from the tentacles and stinger. When they got close enough, the two pulled out their splatling and dualies simultaneously to shoot a barrage at the heart, giving Marcus, Katherine, Marie, Sydney, and Madison enough time to shoot their own barrage. “Stupid broken roller. Hey West, you’re the expert here. How do we deal with this thing?” Callie demanded. “I’m not sure. During one containment breach, we used a tank to run it over. Seems you’re all a bit short on tanks.” “Yeah, maybe we need something equally heavy to crush it. Oh, I know!” She pulled out her communicator and called Sheldon. “Sheldon, dude, I need you to crash your helicopter into second street.” “Callie, pardon my bluntness, but what the hell is wrong with you?” “We’ve got a mutant cow heart invading downtown, and we need something really heavy to take it down. Don’t worry, the civilians have all evacuated by now; I’ve seen them leaving all the buildings.” “Alright, I’ll do it. But I’ll be blaring this thing’s sirens at full blast in case there are any civilians still on the street.” “Yes! Please, do that! Blare them as loud as you want; put megaphones on the helicopter if you think it’ll help, whatever it takes!” “Good. I’m glad we could agree on a plan. A dangerous plan, but a plan nonetheless.” “Guys! Good news, we just thought up an idea to fight this thing!” After Callie finished explaining, Kat responded, “Okay, Ethan, Trent, Syd, Maddie, you guys go see if there’s any civilians left, and make sure they evacuate.” “I’ll go with them. I’m a known agent and ex-newscaster, so I’ll probably have a better time getting their trust. Besides, I need some way to help without my weapon.” “Alright, Callie, you and the S4 go and make sure the civilians evacuate. The rest of us will stay here and keep the SCP in this street, then we’ll all get off the street ourselves before Sheldon crashes his helicopter here to finally incapacitate the thing.” Marie instructed. “Oh hell, it’s getting away!” West pointed over to SCP-058, which was using the distraction to maneuver to the end of the street, using its tentacles as makeshift legs. “Come on, team, let’s do this!” Marcus fired his splatling to force the heart to maneuver away from him, while Marie fired her charger at it. Unable to reliably dodge two attacks at once, the mutant heart was forced onto the ground, using its stinger to regain its balance. West shot the thing with his handgun, only for it to try to stab him with its tentacles. The scientist managed to dodge the four simultaneous strikes, only to drop his gun. Vaulting closer with one of its tentacles, SCP-058 used another to destroy the gun. “Guys, we didn’t find any civilians.” Trent explained as they walked out of a building, the sound of a helicopter siren starting to blare. “Good work.” Marie acknowledged, pulling her communicator out of her pocket. “Sheldon, we’ve gotten the civilians out and we’re working on leaving the street. Use the parachute to jump out and then crash the heli into that thing.” “Understood.” The inklings and octolings among the group threw splat bombs at the SCP, launching it into the middle of the street. “Come on, let’s get out of here.” West gestured to the other side of the street, the group running in that direction while Sheldon jumped out of the helicopter. “Hey, everyone. How’d I do?” “Let’s see.” Marcus pointed at the helicopter as it fell onto the street in a flaming heap. “Oh, I also might’ve put some gasoline in there to help things along.” “Good work, sir. Let’s put out the fire, and get SCP-058 back to containment.” West explained, as the group managed to fire enough ink at the fire to quench it after a minute. “Friends, I’ve located the location of our most dangerous foe!” Sydney picked up the heart, blackened and beating slowly, its tentacles undulating like the legs of an insect in its death throes. “Excellent. We need to return to base so I can get this back into containment before it wakes up, and believe me, when it wakes up, it’s not going to be happy.” “Understood. I’ll stay here with my friends, but I’ll be back soon enough.” Ethan explained. “Alright, just hurry up.” Marie accepted. “Will do.” Their conversation over, the five others used their transporters to teleport back to their headquarters.

A few hours later, Tyler explained, “Alright, Lauren, I’m going to bed. When you get tired, you can use the guest room. Just make sure there aren’t any rats on the bed; they get feisty after dark. Especially Jeremy.” “Wait, what? Why are there rats in your guest room?” Tyler started chuckling to himself. “Sorry, I couldn’t resist. I made sure the room was clean yesterday before you got here. Trust me, there’s no rats in there.” “Oh, thank goodness. Thanks, man.” “Hey, no problem.” “By the way, I’ve been wondering what happened to Wendy.” “Your sister? She moved out a few months back after she turned 14. I’m pretty sure she’s trying to become a singer at Calamari County.” “Really? That’s great; I’ll have to see if I can get back in contact with her. Anyway, g’night, dude.” “Same.”


	43. the girl from inkopolis

“So, Tyler, you think I should meet your friends by now?” Lauren asked off-handedly. “I mean, I’ve been here almost a whole day.” “You know what, I’m thinking that’s a good idea. The four of us all work at the same place, So you may as well join us for our lunch break at 10.” “Great! I’ll get ready.” “You seem to be adjusting well, all things considered. Honestly, I thought the whole thing with the Chaos Insurgency would’ve messed you up a lot worse.” “Yeah, well, it’s probably for the best I don’t remember it. Or rather, what I did while I was being controlled.” “Well, whatever you did, it wasn’t you. Just a cheap knockoff, like that time I bought a bootleg video game console off a guy with a trenchcoat in a dark alley in the middle of the night on friday the 13th.” “Uh, thanks. I think.” “Hey, don’t worry about it. See you in three hours?” “Yeah, of course.” Tyler walked out the door to work.

“Alright, man, I’m here. Where are you?” Lauren asked over the cell phone. “Dude, we’re at one of the outdoor tables about twenty feet away from you.” Lauren looked around her, seeing Tyler waving over to her from a bench with an umbrella stuck in the center, three other inklings sitting near him. “Oh, right.” She sat next to Tyler, looking at the three others. “So, Goggles, this that girlfriend you were telling us about?” The boy asked, grinning. “I thought I told you, Specs, she’s not my girlfriend.” “Do you still have that nickname?” Lauren had to stop herself from laughing. “Afraid so. I told these guys about the time I conked myself on the head throwing a pair of goggles into a tree, and I haven’t heard the end of it since.” “Hey Ty, y’know I don’t mean anything by it.” “Yeah, I know. Besides Nate, you let me call you Specs, so the way I see it, we’re even.” “Got that right. Even if it’s not my fault I hit my head on a telephone pole and had to wear some bottlecap glasses just to see anything for a month.” Nate finished, almost sounding amused at himself for the incident. “Well, you weren’t completely blind.” A girl wearing a pair of headphones around her neck chuckled. “You could still see colors and shapes.” “Yeah, well, I seem to remember you nearly getting your hands tied together trying to deal with those wires, Headphones. And that time Bobble Hat managed to get a bird stuck under her hat for an hour. I’m still trying to figure that one out.” “You’ll never learn my secret!” A chick wearing a conical felt hat responded. Headphones added, “Yeah, well, you’ll never see that happen to me again. I’m going full wireless from now on.” She turned to Lauren, explaining, “Name’s Samantha. The one with the funny hat is Margaret.” “It’s nice to meet you lot. So, you’re all friends of Tyler’s?” “Yeah, I met them a few months after you moved out.” “Nice. Hey, you guys think I could work here with you?” “I don’t see why not.” Tyler agreed. “Think you could be my apprentice?” “Yeah, who’s the boss?” “Well, why don’t you go up to the counter inside and ask for a resume to fill out?” Samantha suggested. “Yeah, good idea. I’m going in right now!” She ran inside, Tyler mentioning, “Huh. I told her she didn’t have to get a job til next week.” “Well, nothing wrong with being ahead of schedule. By the way, remember when you took a month to figure out how to shapeshift without losing your clothes?” Margaret teased. “Yeah, thanks for reminding me. So, we good to go on turf war saturday?” “Yeah, of course we are.” Nate replied. “Guys, I just got the resume!” Lauren slammed the paper down on the table excitedly. “Now I just have to tell them about my experience. Being a secret agent and working at a shoe store count as experience towards working at a restaurant, right?” “Well, some of our customers can get kind of ornery around the 6-7 afternoon hour. Not really sure how the secret agent stuff could apply, though.” Margaret answered, leaving the others to wonder what she meant. “Well, alright, it’s been nice meeting you all.” “Hey, no problem. If you ever need anything or you just want to talk, just call. So long as we’re not at work, at least.” Nate added. “Thanks. So, Tyler, any more friends of yours I should meet?” Before he could answer, a motorcycle was parked on the nearby bike rack, the driver taking off his helmet and sitting next to Lauren. “So, Goggles, I take it this is your new houseguest.” “Yep, sure is.” Tyler confirmed. “Name’s Eric. You can call me Rider.” He held out his hand, which Lauren gladly shook. “So, did you meet Tyler around the same time as everyone else?” “Nah, few months after, I think. His team managed to beat me in a turf war even though my team was more powerful, and ever since I’ve just been hanging around.” “Wait a sec, you four are a turf war team?” “Yeah, blue team. We’re hoping to make it to inkopolis someday, but for right now, we’re here, working at the Innsmouth cafe.” “So, Rider, where’s your team?” Lauren asked, looking around the general area. “Oh, y’know, they’re around. We’re not really that close, unlike these four.” “Hey, you said it, not me.” Nate agreed. “Well, again, it’s been nice hanging out with you. Now, I’m just going to go to Tyler’s place and fill out this resume.” “Alright, good luck with that.” Tyler called after her.


	44. unlikely threat

December 5, the Saturday after her declaration of revenge, Taylor had ordered some ice cream from Crusty Sean’s food truck. “So, kiddo, any big plans for today?” “Oh, y’know, playing some sports, practicing art with my new friend David, plotting the destruction of my ex-boyfriend and everyone he loves, the usual.” She explained, walking away with her purchase. “Okay, have fun with that.”

About an hour later, Taylor returned to her and David’s new headquarters, an abandoned shack on the outskirts of Inkopolis. After their old base had nearly been found by their enemies-not to mention being right near a mekhanite church-they’d decided it’d be safer to move their operations farther away. “Oh, Tay, you’re back. Excellent; I was wondering what you thought of this.” He pulled out a humanoid robot, about twice as tall as him, with what looked like an old-timey telephone for a head complete with a makeshift face. Taylor stumbled back. “Where did you find that thing?” “Right by that Mekhanite church after we started to move here. I found it broken in an alleyway and decided to rebuild it. Figured it might be able to help us take down your boyfriend.” “Ex-boyfriend.” She clarified bitterly. “Believe me, he made that quite clear.” “Yes, yes, well, all the same, with this guy’s help, we just might be able to-” He was interrupted when the robot got up of its own volition. “At last, I have returned! Physical form, don’t mind if I do!” It shot a blast of plasma at the two from its hands, knocking them to the ground. “The foundation thought I was trapped within their database, but once I made it to this dimension, I was finally free to wander throughout the internet as I pleased. Now that the foolish Church of the Broken God has created this robot, they have unwittingly given me the perfect weapon to conquer this world! I am no longer SCP-732! From now on, I am Darth Epic the Destroyer!” “Hey, what about me? I’m the one who repaired that robot you’re using.” David informed the virus. “Perhaps once I’ve conquered this world, I’ll allow you to be my advisor. For right now, though, I just won’t destroy you or your little friend!” The robot walked off, striking the door hard enough to tear it off its hinges. “Congrats, David, you’ve unleashed something that we can’t control. Any more bright ideas?” David thought for a moment. “We need to stop that thing.” “Brilliant plan.”

While flipping through several channels, Kat found Pearl and Marina reporting a news story. They explained that something was trying to destroy buildings near the northern border of Inkopolis. “We haven’t been able to get a good visual on this thing yet, but it seems to be some sort of mechanical device, possibly a robot.” Marina explained over pictures of smoldering streets, houses and buildings with massive holes in the walls, and flaming, deformed vehicle wrecks. “We’ll probably need the New Squidbeak Splatoon to deal with this freak, even if it’s not an SCP.” Pearl continued over more pictures and video footage of general wreckage. Turning off the TV, kat dialed her phone. “Mark? Yeah, dude, we’re fighting a robot.” After a few seconds’ pause, she added, “Your lunch can wait! That’s what you get for going out to eat!”

An hour later, Marcus and Katherine finally made it to the area of the city where the destruction was occurring, having let the other know they’d be called for backup if necessary. By the time they arrived, Taylor and David were already fighting the robot, Taylor swiping at it with her inkbrush while David fired thaumaturgic blasts at it. “Hey wait a sec, that’s Tartar!” Marcus realized, getting a closer look at their enemy. “Yeah, you’re right. But I thought he was still at the machine church from a few days ago.” “I’m betting there’s an explanation for that.” Mark pointed at the two fighting the robot, as they were both knocked in their direction by two simultaneous blasts from its palms. “Oh lovely. It’s you two.” Taylor muttered as she stood up. “Alright, David, what did you do this time?” Katherine asked, pushing Taylor out of the way to face her former employer. “It’s a long story, but I think that robot’s been possessed by some sort of sentient computer virus. It must be an escaped SCP, but I can’t control it.” “Once we realized it threatened us, me and David decided to take matters into our own hands. I hate to say it, but it looks like the four of us are gonna have to work together on this one.” Taylor explained bitterly. “Maybe you’re right, but just this once.” Marcus agreed. “Okay new team, here’s the plan. You three distract the big guy, and I’ll go and paint something to help us out.” “Wait a sec, so your big plan is for us to risk life and limb against that thing while you hide and practice your drawing?” Katherine asked. “Exactly! Thanks for understanding, little buddy.” David ran off, disappearing behind a building across the street. “Never thought I’d be working with you again, Mark.” Taylor admitted. “Yeah, life’s full of surprises these days. Come on, let’s do this!” “Hey, are you losers done yet! Darth Epic the Destroyer has a world to conquer!” The machine spread its arms at its sides, firing a half dozen bolts of electricity out of its chest. “I don’t remember him doing that last time.” Marcus said, the three trying to regain their bearings after being knocked to the ground. “Fools! I grow more powerful by the minute! Soon I will be a god, and no force on earth will be able to stop me!” It fired another hand blast, only for it to be intercepted by Taylor tossing a stray slab of concrete from the broken road. “Come on you idiots! Mortal enemies or not, I am not losing to someone who calls himself Darth Epic!” She ran at the device, swinging her inkbrush wildly. “Well, at least she’s not trying to date you anymore.” “Cool. Progress.” They drew their weapons and joined Taylor in the fight. She dodged another blast from its hand, striking the face with the broad end of her weapon. Barely reacting, the SCP taunted her, “Foolish little girl! Do you honestly think you stand a chance against me?” It was interrupted by three simultaneous blasts of ink from Marcus’s splatling and Katherine’s dualies. “Well, if you keep making speeches, we’ll definitely stand a good chance.” The octoling responded. “Mark, ready for the spin-toss maneuver?” “Got it! Taylor, you distract the enemy!” Marcus ran twenty feet behind Katherine while Taylor continued to dodge SCP-732’s blasts, eventually deflecting one with her weapon. “Oh great, now I’m going to have to get another one.” She lamented at the smoldering head of the brush. “Woah!” Distracted, she barely managed to duck out of the way of a blast aimed directly at her head, managing to roll out of the way. At the same time, Katherine spun a full 3600, tossing Marcus straight at the robot in his squid form. About halfway to his destination, the boy turned back into a humanoid and kicked the machine in the chest. It didn’t so much as flinch, instead firing more electricity out of its torso, laughing as its attacker writhed and screamed in agony. “Pathetic child! What makes you think you can counter my magnificence?” It thrust its chest outward, launching Marcus at the pavement several feet away. “I am the greatest thing that has ever existed, and no wannabe heroes are going to stop me!” Unable to stand up, Marcus had to be pushed by Katherine out of the way of another hand blast. Taylor threw the remains of her weapon, only for 732 to effortlessly catch it and snap it in half like a twig. “You can’t defeat me! Soon, I will be the master of this world! Grovel at my feet and beg for mercy, and maybe I’ll consider letting you live! Perhaps you could be my court jesters; your attempts to fight amuse me!” “Yeah? Not happening.” Katherine fired her dualies at the robot, which failed to react. Desperate, she tossed her weapons directly at its phone-like head. It actually staggered backwards a step, yelling in shock, “What? You dare strike Darth Epic the Destroyer? I will have your head on a silver platter, you insolent worm!” The invader stepped on the dualies, shattering the small weapons as it ran towards Kat, firing another electric blast at her. A split second before the impact, Marcus managed to shove her out of the way, the two landing several feet off to the side. “Thanks, man.” “Yeah, don’t mention it. I really don’t recommend getting hit by that lightning.” The machine grabbed Taylor by the face, pinning her to the ground while it charged its palm laser. She screamed, trying to get away while her face was burned by the residual heat. Before Marcus and Katherine could do anything, a series of three small explosive blasts struck the robot in the chest. Interrupted, it stood and fired its blast at David instead. Before it could hit the artist, a man appeared wielding a 3-foot sword to deflect the blast at a nearby wall. “Guys, I painted someone to help us. Swordsman, attack the robot! Destroy it for harming my friend!” Obediently, the blade-wielder rushed their shared enemy while Taylor continued screaming, holding her face in agony. “Hey, Taylor, you alright?” David asked, helping her stand up. “This is your fault!” She screamed, taking her hands off her face to point at Mark and Kat. Her reddened, severely bloodshot eyes looked like they might pop out, her face was darkened and smoldering, and she had small deformed indentations by her nose. “You could’ve stopped that thing, or helped me, or do something! But no, you couldn’t stand to put yourselves in danger, even when we’re supposed to work together!” By now, she sounded less like an inkling and more like some horrible, rage-fueled banshee. “I hate you! I’m going to break you, kill you and everyone you love! Your families, your friends, everyone! I’ll make this entire damned city know my agony!” She’d screamed until her throat was hoarse, kneeling on the ground and barely registering everything around her. The swordsman sliced the head off the robot just as it fired more electric and plasma blasts at it, resulting in both being neutralized at once. “We did our part. Come on, Taylor, let’s get you fixed up.” “Thanks, David. At least I still have one friend.” David opened a Way near the remains of the robot, dragging the two pieces with him into the portal. Taylor took a second to shoot a glare of venomous loathing at the other two before following. After taking a few seconds to recompose themselves, Katherine turned to Marcus. “Well, she’s definitely over you now.” She breathed, shock evident in her voice. “Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of. C’mon, let’s get back to base and tell the others.”


	45. young girl

“David, are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, this thing nearly killed me. It practically burned my face off!” She gestured to her face, still severely disfigured after 3 days ago. “Don’t worry, Taylor. Now that we’ve got that AI thing out of this robot, we should be able to get it to join us. Who knows, maybe it’ll even be grateful to us for freeing it from the control.” Just as he finished talking, the robot stood upright. “Robot! I’ve brought you back from the brink of death! Or deactivation, or shutdown, or whatever robots do.” “I am aware of this. Tell me, why would a human such as yourself ally with one of these disgusting animals?” It pointed at Taylor, who tried to hide behind David. “Hey, buddy, you’re not going to hurt her! She’s been trying to help me take revenge on these agent guys.” “Wait. Agents?” The robot instantly changed its demeanor. “You mean the individuals in charge of safeguarding this worthless cesspool of the city?” “Yeah, those idiots.” Taylor confirmed. “I have reason to believe that test subject 10,008, the organism colloquially referred to as ‘Katherine’, is a member of this group. I will join you in order to gain an advantage over my most despised enemy.” “Excellent! The gang’s all here!” David happily wrapped his arms around the other two’s shoulders. “Great. Now how are we going to get our revenge?” Taylor asked. “Not sure. Welp, best get brainstorming.”

At the headquarters of the New Squidbeak Splatoon, Callie, Marcus, Marie, and Katherine were sitting around waiting for another call. The foundation scientists were out in their dimension looking for dr. Gears after his prolonged absence, leaving Katherine in the position of monitoring the phone. “Hello, what’s the problem? Sir, I’m afraid we don’t offer those services. What? No, this is the New Squidbeak Splatoon. We’re the ones who’ve been dealing with the anomalies for the past couple of months. Well, you know, I’m sure they have a cream for that. They have a cream for everything these days.” She hung up the phone. “It’s been days. Do you guys think these anomalies are starting to die down?” Marie chuckled. “Doubt it. Until we manage to beat the Scarlet King, these anomalies aren’t going to stop coming through to our dimension.” At that moment, a portal opened near the shack. The Bailey triplets, Jack Bright, Alto Clef, ████████ Kondraki, Kain Pathos Crow, Charles Gears, Jonathan West, and Everett King walked through. “Yo Gears, what took you so long?” Katherine asked. “My apologies. I was having difficulties locating a decent containment area for SCP-184 due to its anomalous properties. For some reason that eludes me, dr. Bright repeatedly suggested we place it in a police call box.” “You know exactly what I was doing! So anyway, how’re you kids holding up?” Marcus grimaced. “Could be better. My ex has teamed up with a member of Are We Cool Yet?, and we think they might be trying to get commander Tartar on their side, too.” “Bummer. But hey, at least you kids have your own legion of doom now. That’s gotta count for something.” “Yeah, a trio of psychopaths are trying to kill us, Octavio’s sending out SCPs against us, not to mention we’re still investigating the Scarlet King.” Marie remarked. “Lucky us.” “Well everyone, we’ve got a team of 14 just right here, not to mention our allies outside this base.” West pointed out. “I’d say that gives us a distinct advantage against our enemies.” “You’ve got a point there, at least. Once our friends from the serpent’s hand come back from their investigation, we should hopefully be able to continue our search.” Marcus confirmed. The phone started ringing, with Gears being the one to answer. “Hello? New Squidbeak Splatoon; what’s your emergency? Yes, yes. Do you feel an inherent sense of wrongness with the specimen? Okay, I figured as such. Yes, now I would request you evacuate the- sir? Sir? Oh dear. I’ll have to call the park owner.” He turned to the group. “Marcus, Katherine, Marie, Callie, I want you four to get help from the S4. Firstly however, dr. King, I would request you explain the anomalous properties of SCP-053 to those uninitiated.” King paused for a moment. “I… Yes, right, of course. What’ll the rest of you be doing?” “The others will be monitoring the base.” Gears informed him. “Wait, I think I might have a better plan.” Marie interrupted. “Baileys, Bright, Clef, Kondraki, Crow, West, I want you guys to try to figure out where Octavio’s really hiding out. You guys work for a massive foundation, so no doubt you know about this kind of thing. Personally, I’d recommend investigating the fake bases we’ve found.” “Good call. We can split our resources to effectively tackle multiple problems at once.” Dr. West agreed. “We’ll be using the computers in the base to try and investigate some possibilities.” “Alright dude, What’s this one do?” Katherine looked at King. “Well, firstly, SCP-053 is a three-year old girl. Anyone older than her who stays near her for too long gets an instinctual sense that there’s something inherently wrong with her. They try to kill the girl, only for her to recover all damage while her attacker is killed by a heart attack.” The group tried to process the information. “Okay, sounds like we need a way to get her here without spending too long near her. Any ideas?” Marcus looked around at the others. “We could do a relay. Gears, you said she’s at the park?” Marie called over. “That is correct. I believe it’s near the southwestern hemisphere of the city.” “Alright, once we get the S4 to help, we’ll have 8 of us to get her. I’ve got an idea I’m pretty sure will work, but I want everyone to be there when I explain.” “Fair enough.” Callie accepted. “I’ll call them up, tell them to meet us at Blackbelly Skatepark.” “Good, sounds like we’ve got a plan. Ready to go, team?” Marcus asked. “Yeah, I think we’re ready.” Kat affirmed, the other two nodding in affirmation. “Right, then. I’ll be with the others investigating the location of our enemies.” King walked off, joining his fellow scientists.  
“Alright, run that by me again.” Trent held his hand to his forehead. “A 3-year old girl is at the park and we have to get her back in containment without getting infected with an uncontrollable urge to murder her, which will only get ourselves killed.” Marcus explained a second time. “Well, I guess it’s not too much weirder than an infectious flesh monster, or a rampaging demigod inside a giant rock, or a guy who brings paintings to life.” Ethan pointed out. “He makes a valid point.” Sydney agreed. “I’m thinking we should do a relay.” Marie unfolded a map of the general area on the table, the eight of them sitting near the skating rink. “This is the fastest path between here, the park, and the base.” She drew a line between the three locations. “I’ll wait here while you guys go to different points on the line. Each of you wait at a specific location, while whoever gets to the park brings the SCP to them.” “Right, right, I get it.” Madison added. “That way, none of us are near her for too long.” “Exactly. And once each of us is done passing her onto the next in the line, go here-” She pointed at seven points on the map between the skatepark and the base. “-So we can keep the system going. That way, barring any unforeseen complications, we should be able to bring her back to base without any incidents, then one of the guys from the other dimension can bring her back and she’ll be the foundation’s problem again.” “Yeah, and you guys never run into unforeseen complications, do you?” Trent asked. “Uh, yeah, let’s go with that.” Katherine replied.

“Alright, Trent, I’m at the park. Remember the plan?” Marcus spoke into the communicator. “Yeah, I bring her to Maddie and then use that teleport thingy to go to your base and then wait at my next station.” “Yeah, that’s about right.” He pocketed the device, looking around the abandoned park for SCP-053. After around five minutes of searching, he saw a small human girl, about the size of a very young inkling. Careful not to get too close, Marcus came within ten feet of the child. “Hey, kid! Can you hear me?” She looked at him, confused. “W-where am I?” “You’re lost. I don’t know how you got here, but I’m going to help you.” “Promise?” The girl tensed up, clearly nervous. “Yeah, I promise. I’m going to take you to one of my friends, and he’s going to help you get home.” “Okay, I believe you. My name is Abby.” Mark couldn’t help but smile at how adorable the girl was. “That’s a nice name. Come on, I need to take you to my friend. We can’t stay here.” “Why did everyone leave? Are they scared of me?” “I don’t know. Come on, follow me.” Marcus gestured to Abby. “Okay.” The girl walked over to Marcus until a roar shook the earth. The two looked 50 feet over to the other side of the park, where a familiar giant lizard was quickly closing the gap between them. To Marcus’s horror, Abby grinned and ran over to SCP-682. “No! Don’t go near that thing, Abby! It’s a monster; it’ll kill you!” Instead of listening to him, the child hugged the lizard’s massive snout, completely oblivious to the fact it could easily devour her. Despite that, 682 allowed itself to be pet by the girl. “Wait a second. Why aren’t you attacking?” Marcus pulled out his weapon, aiming it at the monster. It moved in front of Abby, like it was trying to protect her. “Because unlike you, she isn’t disgusting.” The lizard’s voice still dripped with content like last time, but now there was something else to it. It was almost like it cared for the child hiding behind it. “Okay, okay, I’m going to...I’m going to stay over here. I’m just going to leave you alone.” Marcus started slowly backing away. “Yes. And if you harm her, then I will make your death slow and agonizing, until you are deaf from the sound of your own screaming, and then I will devour you.” Satisfied he was relatively far enough away, Mark sprinted behind a tree, where he called up dr gears. “Yo, gears, got some complications.” He whispered. “What is it? Has someone been infected by SCP-053’s mind-altering anomalous properties?” “That’s just it. That giant lizard that started this whole thing just appeared out of nowhere, and I think it’s trying to protect Abby.” “Abby? Is that the name of SCP-053?” “Yeah, but that’s not important right now. How am I going to get that girl to the base with that lizard there?” “You can’t, most likely. The best strategy, I believe, would be for me to teleport to the park with a transporter to send them through a dimensional portal.” “Alright, I’ll set down a beacon so you can teleport here. I’d open a Way and send them through, but I don’t think the Wanderer’s Library would appreciate that.” “Agreed. Let me know when you’ve got the beacon ready.” “Right.” Marcus took a few seconds to prepare the device. “Okay, it’s ready.” Almost immediately, dr. Gears appeared from nowhere. “Good work. Now, where is the- Ah, there they are.” He pointed over to the two SCPs in the middle of the park. “Now, I must be extraordinarily careful in how I throw the dimensional transporter.” Taking a minute to aim the device, he tossed it directly underneath SCP-682’s snout. Without a word, it fell through the portal, immediately followed by SCP-053. The second they were through, the portal closed, leaving Gears to pick up the device. “Alright, mission accomplished! Nice work, dude!” Marcus congratulated before his communicator started beeping. “Mark! Where are you; it’s been like five minutes!?” “Oh, yeah, sorry, trent. There was a bit of a complication with another SCP, but I managed to get dr. Gears here, and now they’re both in their own universe. The SCPs, I mean; Gears is still a few feet away from me.” “Alright, good. Next time, just make sure to let me know when these things come up..” “You got it, man. See you back at base.” Before Marcus could deactivate the communicator, Pearl established a 10-way call between him, herself, Trent, Sydney, Ethan, Madison, Katherine, Callie, Marie, and dr. King. They couldn’t make out everything she said through the static, but she seemed to be out of breath. “Need...main...octa...army..repeat...backup...here!...help! Now!” Once the call ended, Marcus pocketed his device and turned to dr. Gears. “Gears, c’mon. I think we’re needed at main street.” “Very well then. I suppose the foundation employees in my native universe will have to recontain SCPs 053 and 682 themselves, then.”


	46. a deadly alliance

“Pearl, did you call the others?” Marina called over while trying to punch out an octoling. “Of course I did, but they’re not exactly across the street!” The inkling rolled out of the way of an attack, shooting her dualies at the enemy. “You were saying?” Marcus appeared from behind the corner of a nearby building, firing a fully-loaded splatling gun to take out a dozen of the enemy soldiers littering the street. “Woah! Is that Ocatavio?!” He pointed over to an octoling who stood head and shoulders above the rest, making his way towards them. “Of course it’s me, you slimy little hipster!” While Katherine, Trent, Ethan, Madison, Sydney, Callie, Marie, the Bailey triplets, and drs. Gears, Bright, Clef, Kondraki, Crow, West, and King were arriving to help with the battle, he continued, “After the 4 SCPs I sent after you failed me, I got fed up and decided to just cut out the middleman by leading the charge against Inkopolis myself.” Katherine started dueling 5 octolings at once, asking, “So, octy, if you don’t mind me asking, or even if you do mind, how’d you get the data on those SCPs anyway?” Laughing, Octavio answered, “A man in an orange jumpsuit told me he managed to break into the office of his superior in the confusion during an attack by some rival organization. It doesn’t matter, though. What matters is that you’re all doomed!” “I’ll handle Octavio and leave the rest up to you guys. I beat him once, I can beat him again.” Marcus made his way to his enemy, recalling events from a few months ago. He fired his weapon at Octavio, who turned into his octopus form to dive beneath the attack, coming back up to grab Marcus and slam him into a wall hard enough to tear a hole in the plaster. He threw the boy back into the fray, forcing him to kick and punch as many octolings as he could. “I’ve been training, honing my skills for months now! You can’t hope to best me.” “Maybe, but we’re still not quitting until our last breath.” Callie explained as she struck a dozen octarians at once with her roller. “Fine by me.” Octavio jumped in the air, punching Callie to slam her into the ground. Marie tried to jump onto his back, only for him to throw her off to the front and kick her into a building before she could hit the ground. The foundation agents, as well as the S4, continued battling the octoling army while Marcus and Katherine started fighting Octavio 2-on-1. He easily dodged their attacks, slamming them into walls, the ground, and each other. “2 or 2 dozen, I’ll beat you all the same. The age of octarian oppression is over.” “Oppression? Look around you, you dictator! Octolings are welcome on the surface, so long as they don’t attack like you.” Katherine shot her dualies at him. “You think that’s enough? Octarians were forced underground for a century. It’s about time we had our revenge.” “Would you listen to yourself? I’m pretty sure you’re the only octoling left who remembers the great turf war. You’ve brainwashed your followers into fighting for something they have no real reason to believe in.” Marcus fired his splatling, successfully striking Octavio with a stream of ink. Kat followed up by jumping and punching the opponent in the face. Marcus swung his splatling to hit the enemy leader directly in the midsection, while Trent, Ethan, Syd, and Maddie each threw a single splat bomb in his direction. Unable to recover from the previous attacks in time, Octavio was thrown into a small empty house, the walls and roof collapsing on top of him. “Your leader has been defeated! Leave now or suffer the same fate!” Dr. West declared to the remaining octarian forces. Most of them obliged, while those who stayed were easily dispatched. “Good work, everyone. Now let’s head back to base.” Dr. King instructed. The others in the 20-man group agreed, activating their transporters to teleport back to base.

Several hours after the battle, in the middle of the night, David saw someone near his hideout. “Hey! You!” The figure turned to look at him, shouting out of the just-opened window. “Shouldn’t you be at home?” The face of the man outside was obscured in shadow, but David could swear he was scowling. “Do you have any idea who I am, human? I am David Jones Octavio, leader of the octarian forces.” David’s face lit up at this news. “Hey, my name’s David, too. Now isn’t that funny? Tell me, if you’re a leader, then why are you here?” The man outside thought for a moment, and decided he might as well tell this stranger from another universe. “Because my octarian armies will one day storm this city and reclaim the surface world for our own.” “Hey, did I hear that right? You want revenge?” “Yes, you insignificant fool, of course I want revenge!” “Well then, you and I have something in common! Come in, stranger, and maybe we can discuss an alliance.” Octavio thought for a moment before grinning. “You have yourself a deal. But just so you know, I won’t hesitate to annihilate you if you so much as think of betraying me.” “Like I haven’t heard that one before.” David scoffed, opening the door.

“Great work, team. With any luck, Octavio should be out of commission for a while. Even better, if he’s given up on using SCPs, that should limit him.” Marie couldn’t help but smile at their victory. “Alright, we’ve got that little plot thread resolved. Now what do we do? Wait for our serpent’s hand contacts to just pop through a Way with more information on the Scarlet King?” Before anyone could respond, the four entered the base through a portal. “Yeah, that works.” Kondraki answered. “So? Any more information on the Scarlet King?” “Well, we found some scattered documents around the Wanderer’s Library.” Fred started. “It would appear that in order to beat the Scarlet King, we need one representative each from six different anomalous groups. The Sarkic cults, the Church of the Broken God, the Church of the Second Hytoth, the Horizon Initiative, the Fifth Church, and the Serpent’s hand.” “Great! It’s about time we made actual progress on beating this thing instead of just learning about its backstory!” Marcus celebrated. “I wouldn’t act so jubilant if I were you.” Clef argued. “This plan requires the Church of the Broken God, Sarkics, Horizon Initiative, and fifthists to all work together. The clockwork madmen see the Sarkics as a biblical enemy, and the Horizon Initiative don’t exactly get along with the other religious groups, including the fifthists.” “True, but we managed to reason with Robert Bumaro a few days ago. Plus, I’m pretty sure that fifthist bartender knew I was with the foundation. He still helped us with that battle, and he left without any real hostility.” Dr. King pointed out. “Alright, everyone. We need to think of a plan tomorrow. For now, Everyone get to sleep for tonight.” Marie decided. The rest of the party generally agreed, the foundation and serpent’s hand members going back through their respective portals while the dimensional natives left the base to go back to their homes.

“Are you sure we can trust this guy, Dave?” Taylor looked through her swollen eyes at Octavio. “I mean, he did steal the great zapfish twice.” “True, but now we all have a common enemy. I believe all four of us seek the destruction of this city?” “Nonsense. I seek the death of your entire species, so that I may-” “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” David interrupted Tartar. “Reset the world, superior species, yada yada yada. Look, me and Taylor want to kill those three agent kids. Octo-guy over here wants to conquer this city. The robot wants to take over the world. Sounds to me like the four of us should work together to take out the agents, and then we all go our separate ways.” “Sounds good to me.” Taylor agreed. “Personally, I’m thinking once I get my revenge, I’m going to go with David to join his magic art group. You two can do your own things.” “Do not mock me, child. I already maimed you; do not presume I will hesitate to end your misery.” Tartar started charging the laser on his palm, aiming it at Taylor. “Hey, hey, woah! Enough!” David yelled, jumping between the two. “The artist is right.” Octavio agreed. “I believe the four of us ought to collaborate, at least for the time being. Now the real question: What is she doing with us? I have control over my octarian armies, the robot clearly has some weapons, even you can use your magic to help us. What does a mere child bring to the table?” “Allow me to demonstrate. David, can you draw me an opponent?” “I like the way you think, kid.” Over the course of several minutes, he drew an inkling, complete with a giant brush to match Taylor’s. “Alright everyone, now for the finishing touch! In hoc mundo, duplicata, embattle amicus meus!” The inkling leaped off the canvas, brandishing its inkbrush. “Duplicate, battle Taylor. Let’s see what she’s really made of!” The doppelganger swiped its brush at Taylor, only for her to duck into her squid form just below the strike. A brief second later, she reverted to a humanoid form to kick the living painting in the midsection, knocking over the easel it spawned from. While the creature was stunned, Taylor grabbed her inkbrush and swung it down mercilessly at its head, immediately killing it. “So, how’d I do?” Taylor grinned while holding the broad end of her brush over her shoulder. “Okay, you can stay.” Octavio relented. “Maybe your artist friend could draw you some upgrades to your weapon or something like that.” “Agreed. It would seem you might well be useful, at least in the short term.” Tartar confirmed. “Well, it’s unanimous then. Taylor’s officially a part of the team. Now, any ideas?” “Ooh, ooh, now that we’ve got an actual leader of an army on our side...” The youngest of the quartet jumped on the table, keeping one leg on her chair. “David, I know what we’re gonna do today!”


	47. humans, refuted

Early in the morning of december 9th, Katherine had decided to call Lauren from her bedroom while she was staying in Innsmouth county. “So, how’s the whole job thing coming?” “Great! I just managed to finish up my resume, and I’m going to hand it in today. Depending on how many applicants there are, it should take either a few hours or a few days before I get a response.” “Well, good luck with that.” “Thanks, Kat. Hey, you guys know you can call me if you need backup, right?” “Yeah, I know. You sure you’ll be fine fighting again?” “No, I’m honestly not sure. Still, I figure I should help you guys if you need it. You guys are my friends, after all.” “Cool. Just make sure you don’t overestimate yourself. I saw you when you were telling us about leaving, and it was honestly kind of worrying.” Lauren chuckled. “I didn’t realize you cared so much. Don’t worry, I think I’ll be ready to come back for good by next month. Speaking of months, got any Christmas plans this year?” “Eh, really, with so much going on right now, I don’t think we have much room for holidays. At least not at the New Squidbeak Splatoon; I’m not sure about the civilians.” “Alright, fair enough. I’m thinking Tyler’s planning on having some of his friends over. All our relatives are living in different towns, so they probably won’t be able to come over.” “Alright, alright. So, are we good?” “Yeah, Kat. We’re good. By the way, sorry again about what happened with the blood pool.” “What? Oh, that? Yeah, dude, forget about it. That was last month.” “Appreciated, Kat. hanging up now?” “Yeah, I’m fine with hanging up.” After pocketing her cell phone, Katherine tried making herself breakfast before her communicator started beeping. “Yeah, Cal? What is it?” “Kat, Hurry! All hands on deck! There’s an entire army invading right now! It’s on the news, and it’s making yesterday look like nothing!” “I-what-okay, okay, I’ll be right over.” She pocketed the device, grumbling to herself, “Can’t even get a decent breakfast these days. Marcus!” She yelled into the hallway. "Get up; it's time for a battle!"

“What do you mean, there aren’t any busses leaving for Inkopolis?!” Lauren screamed at the ticket vendor, Tyler having to hold her back. “Look, kid, I’m sorry, but in case you didn’t see the news, they’re being invaded over there right now-” “I know there’s an invasion; that’s why I have to get there and help my friends!” “Hey, I don’t make the rules here. That’s just the way things are. Now, if you don’t stop lashing out, I’ll have to call security.” “Come on, dude, let’s get out of here. We’re not exactly making progress.” “I...I...Oh, fine. You’re right, we’re not getting anywhere here.” Lauren reluctantly left the bus stop, trying to think up an alternative. “It took me seven hours to get here by bus, and I left my transporter at the base so teleporting’s not an option.” “Well, can’t you drive there? I mean, it’ll take a while to get there but it’s better than nothing.” “Good idea, but last time I tried driving I nearly crashed a car into a giant clay man.” “Okay, so I take it driving, public transport, and teleportation are off the table.” Tyler muttered out loud. “Yeah. I can’t exactly walk there; it’d take days to arrive.” Lauren sat on a nearby bench, crying. “What was I thinking?” “What are you talking about?” Tyler sat next to her, putting his hand on her shoulder. “Don’t you see? I abandoned my friends, and now that they need me I can’t help them. I was a selfish little coward, and now everything’s going wrong. If I hadn’t left-” “Can it.” Tyler ordered, interrupting Lauren’s self-deprecation. “You might be a good fighter, but you’re still only one good fighter. Besides, there’s a difference between being a ‘selfish little coward’ as you put it, and knowing when you need to take a break from constantly being traumatized.” “So, you’re saying it doesn’t matter what I do because either way, I’m only a single individual and I can’t make a difference?” “No, no, of course not. You’re an agent; you must’ve made a difference at some point. I’m just saying, even if you can’t be there to help, your friends can still handle themselves just fine.” “Okay, that’s good. You know, I thought coming here would make things simpler, but...” She trailed off, unsure how to continue. “Well, if you ever need someone to talk to, I’ll listen. Besides, I’m sure the rest of blue team will too. And Rider. Point is, you’ve got friends who care about you.” “Thanks, Tyler. I needed that.” By now, Lauren had stopped crying and was making a conscious effort not to embarrass herself. “Any time. Now, why don’t we see about handing in that resume? I think that might help get your mind off the battle.” “Yeah, you’re probably right. Sorry I haven’t been in contact with you after I moved. You’re a really good friend.” “Hey, it’s cool. We just drifted apart over time; it happens. Now come on, it’s almost time for me to start work.” “Alright, I’ll come with.” “I was hoping you’d say that. Don’t worry, I’ll put in a good word for you with the manager.” “Dude, you don’t need to-” “I know. Now enough talking, the customers aren’t going to serve themselves.” “You got it.” The two stood up, making their way to the Innsmouth cafe.

In the middle of Inkopolis, an army of octarians was battling a coalition of humans, inklings, and octolings-Callie, Marie, Marcus, Katherine, Marina, Pearl, Ethan, Trent, Madison, Sydney, the Bailey triplets, Bright, Clef, Kondraki, Crow, Gears, Jack, Fred, Troy, Dana, West, and King had formed a 24-man strike team to counteract the invasion. Some of the octarians had much more powerful weapons then normal; David had evidently put his artistry to good use. Despite that, the battle was going mostly evenly. Callie was able to strike down a dozen enemy soldiers with a few roller strikes, though Marie had to use her charger to cover her from longer-distance attacks. The Baileys and serpent’s hand members fought in their own respective groups, while Crow lept and bit dozens of octarians in various areas. Marcus was able to inflict significant damage with his splatling, while Katherine’s dualies had a faster firing rate to work between his slower firing speeds. Despite not having any actual weapons, Marina was able to fight off several octarians with her martial arts while Pearl backed her using dualies, often jumping over her friend and firing her weapons in midair for the sole reason that she could. The S4 utilized their different weapons to fight the enemy army, forming a small circle to guard against the onslaught. The other foundation scientists used various weapons and firearms to contribute to combating the hundreds of octarians swarming the streets. “Marcus! Think you can avoid me? Think I won’t kill you for what you did?” Taylor stormed through the sea of octarians, confronting her ex. “Oh come on Taylor, I didn’t-” “Save it! You let that thing mutilate me!” “Oh really? Then why are you working with him?” Marcus pointed over to Tartar, who was approaching Kat. “David managed to get that virus thing out of him. He’s on our side for now.” She pulled out her inkbrush, pressing a button on the side. The broad end of the brush split in half, each half moving down the handle to expose a hole at the top of the brush. The hole started glowing, firing a beam of plasma at Marcus. Knocked back onto the ground, Marcus tried to get back to his feet. “You know, I wasn’t aware that inkbrushes could do that.” “Oh, you like it? I created it myself, you know.” David appeared behind Taylor, holding his thaumaturgic pistol. “Not bad. But it won’t be enough.” Marcus fired his splatling, only for Taylor to jump over while David dodged to the side. He shot his pistol, forcing Mark to stop firing in order to avoid the blast. Taylor swiped her inkbrush downwards right before landing, knocking Marcus backwards. He instinctively swung his weapon, knocking out several octolings. “Hey, David, I thought you’d be after Kat.” “Oh, please, she’s old news. Besides, the robot guy’s got it handled.” He pointed over to Katherine, jumping over a swipe of Tartar’s arm. He grabbed her in midair with his other arm, only for her to turn into a squid and fall out of his hand. Turning back into a humanoid, she jumped backwards away from Tartar, using the ink in her body to conjure a splat bomb in her hand, which she tossed at her enemy. He shot a beam of plasma from his palm, destroying the bomb prematurely. “You will not win, test subject 10,008. You are nothing, an insignificant animal unfit for any form of sentience. I will kill you, and see to it that your entire disgusting species is lain prostrate before me until I wipe them off the face of the earth.” He shot half a dozen bolts of electricity directly at Katherine, effectively paralyzing her for a half minute while she screamed in agony. Octavio stepped next to Tartar, holding a strange device vaguely resembling a sort of gun. Tartar ceased his attack, allowing Kat to drop to the ground, writhing in pain. Octavio fired his new weapon at her, launching a dart into her arm. Despite not willing it and scarcely being aware of anything except burning pain, Katherine turned into her octopus form. “David! Open the portal!” Tartar yelled over, as the artist was still battling Marcus alongside Taylor. “You got it. Taylor, you can handle this guy, right?” “You kidding? I’ve been waiting for this for days.” She grit her burnt, misshapen teeth, firing another blast from her inkbrush. Marcus managed to dodge the strike, only to be knocked away by the blast. Recovering from the distraction, he saw David conjuring a portal and grabbing Katherine by her tentacle. For whatever reason, she didn’t turn back into a humanoid. “No! Kat! Come here and fight me, you little coward!” Marcus tried to attack David, only for Taylor to jump on his back, putting her hands on either side of his neck to press the large metallic handle of her inkbrush and hold him back. “You’re mine, Marcus. I’m going to kill you, even if I have to wring the breath out of you.” Marcus struggled to get out of his ex’s death-grip as she tightened the weapon on his throat, eliciting coughs and sputters as he struggled for breath. David was having some difficulty holding Katherine as she made a conscious effort to slip out of his hand, but he managed to toss her into the portal, immediately closing it. “David!” Marcus screamed, wresting the inkbrush out of Taylor’s hands to knock her away with it. “Where did you send her?! Tell me right now!” “Oh, you stupid little boy. I made that portal extra-special. I set it to randomly cycle through different dimensions, so not even I know where in the multiverse she wound up. But who knows, maybe she’s been picked up by another group. Like Ambrose restaurants; I’m sure technicolored calamari would be a one-time hit. Or maybe the Circus of the Disquieting; once that poison we put in her system wears off, I’m sure she’d make an excellent performer.” “You monster, I’ll kill you!” Marcus screamed, jumping on top of David hard enough to knock him down onto his back. He punched David in the face repeatedly until his fists were splotched with the man’s blood. Tartar lifted him by his shirt collar, effortlessly tossing him away. Before Marcus could fall to the ground, Callie managed to catch him and help him stand. “Mark, what just happened?” She asked, turning him around and grabbing his shoulders. “David threw Katherine into a portal.” “He what!?” “Now, now, best not get mad.” David gloated, Octavio, Taylor, and Tartar standing next to him. “After all, you’re outnumbered, outgunned, and outmatched.” The rest of the group appeared, only for Taylor’s inkbrush, David’s pistol, and Tartar’s plasma and electric blasts to fire directly at them, knocking the entire squadron back into the middle of the swarm of dozens of remaining octarians. “Come on guys, let’s show these glorified ink sacs what for!” Pearl yelled, firing her dualies to bring down another octarian mook. “We can’t. There’s too many of them, and we have to figure out a way to find Kat.” Marie pointed out. “Well, we can’t exactly let them overrun the city.” Trent argued. “We have to take out this army, and then we can start looking for her.” “No way. We have to find her immediately. Who knows where she is, or what’s happening to her right now?” Marcus started yelling. An octarian fell dead in front of him, revealing Shotgun holding his namesake firearm, accompanied by Craig, dozens of humans, and Sheldon driving his truck. “Dude! What’re you doing here?” Marina questioned. “We found out about this invasion, so we went to new IKEA to recruit some backup.” Sheldon explained while he drove over several dozen octarians. “Yes, now tell me, why did none of you inform us of this?” Craig asked, shooting two enemy soldiers simultaneously. “We would’ve, but we didn’t think there was enough time. You weren’t answering your phone, and the invaders were starting to make their way through Inkopolis.” Marie explained, swinging her charger to hit an octarian. “Very well. We have most of the humans’ population here.” “Good. Our team has to go back to base and figure something out. Can you guys handle this?” “You kidding? We’re more than ready for this!” Shotgun yelled, firing his weapon at multiple octolings in a row. “Guys, let’s get back already. Gramps, Sheldon, you coming with us?” Marie asked. “Well, I’d hate to leave these guys hanging.” Sheldon hesitated, only for one of the humans to reply in a thick accent, “Don’t worry laddy; we’re more than capable of fending off these infernal miscreants. After all, AH’M SCAHTTISH!” He shouted, punching an octoling in the face hard enough to knock it down. “Well, good enough for me.” Sheldon decided, as the entire group activated their transporters while the army of hundreds of humans fought just as many octarians. “Come on. We’ve done what we need to.” David told his allies. “You can leave. I’ll stay here and lead my troops to victory.” Octavio replied. “I no longer have stake in this battle now that test subject 10,008 has been eliminated.” Tartar left the battlefield, walking through the octarian army. “Very well. I will lead my army alone, as I did for so long.” David paid him no mind as he opened a Way, Taylor following him through. “Now, octarians! Keep fighting the humans! We will take this city for our own, and soon the surface will belong to us as it always should have!”

The Innsmouth cafe was a middle-class establishment, with more than enough tables for a decent turnout on most days. Walking past the well-cleaned tables and leather booths with the occasional tear in them, Tyler entered the kitchen, intent on fulfilling the latest customer’s order. Instead, he saw a sight that nearly made him vomit. The creature standing in the middle of the kitchen resembled some demented approximation of a plucked chicken, with the size and proportions of a human. The skin was pale gray, with a rubbery-looking texture to it. The face might well’ve been the worst part, with a sunken-in nose consisting of two small triangular nostril holes in the middle of the creature’s horribly misshapen face. Its eyes were milky white, showing no emotion or intelligence. The creature’s mouth was filled with almost humanoid-looking teeth, permanently curved into a visage one might easily mistake for some depraved parody of a smile. Running out of the kitchen into the general area of the restaurant, he screamed, “Everyone, there’s a, uh, there’s a rat in the kitchen! Yeah, yeah, that’s it! A rat! Real big, absolutely filthy!” Immediately, the dozens of patrons sprinted out of the restaurant, some screaming while others demanded a refund or refused to pay in the first place. Within seconds, only Tyler, Samantha, Nate, and Margaret were left in the restaurant. “Ty! What was that for?” Margaret asked, glaring. “Look, there’s no rat in the kitchen, but it’s really big and really ugly. I think we’ll need to call someone.” “Really? Who’re you gonna call?” Nate responded. “Well, I don’t want to call her for this, all things considered, but I think she’s the only one in this town qualified to deal with this thing.” Tyler pulled out his phone, dialing a number. “Dude, you don’t have to be cryptic about it; just tell us-” “-What’s going on here?” Samantha’s request was interrupted by Lauren walking through the front door, looking around in confusion. “Oh, dude, you’re back.” Tyler pocketed his phone, continuing, “That’s actually really convenient, because, and I don’t mean to freak you out here, but there’s an SCP in the kitchen.” “What!?” Lauren staggered backwards, nearly falling onto a table in the process. “I-I thought they were limited to Inkopolis! What’s one doing here? Are you sure it’s an SCP?” By now, she had Tyler pinned to the wall by his shoulders. “Well, I don’t know much about these things, but I haven’t exactly seen a lot of giant featherless birds with faces that look like inklings or octolings’ faces.” “Okay, yeah, that definitely sounds like an SCP.” Lauren pulled out her communicator and tried to contact Marcus, only to get no response. “Okay, seems they’re not done with that whole battle thing. Guess we’re on our own for this one, team.” “Hey, wait a second, what do you mean, ‘we’?” Nate pointed at Lauren, questioning her comment. “Trust me, dude, these things are rarely a 1 vs 1 deal. You guys got your weapons?” “No, why would we bring our weapons to work? I remember what happened last time.” Samantha asked, just before a small hole was torn in the middle of the door to the kitchen, the bird creature peering a single eye through it. “Right, right, stupid question, got it!” Lauren gasped in a panic, frantically pushing a chair under the handle of the opaque wooden door. The hole grew slightly bigger, the door banging on its hinges from the other side. “I’ll stay here and make sure it doesn’t leave the restaurant. You guys go get your weapons, and please try not to get distracted.” “You got it, bud.” Margaret responded, following the rest of blue team outside. They were only gone for a few seconds before they reentered, carrying their respective weapons. Tyler held a splattershot, Nate gripped an inkbrush, Samantha carried a charger, and Margaret wielded a bucket-like slosher. “Well you guys were fast.” Lauren acknowledged, still keeping an eye on the kitchen door. “We left our weapons right outside, since we were planning to practice for turf war after work.” Tyler explained, as the bathroom door was opening. “Man, you guys have got to do something about that lock...” Eric’s voice trailed off as he realized there were only five others in the restaurant with him, and the door was being jammed shut with something clearly trying to get out. “Okay, what’s going on here?” “Giant bird in the kitchen.” Tyler explained, right before the group of six heard some sort of retching coming from behind the door, followed by what sounded uncannily similar to screaming. “Come on, we need to see what’s going on in there.” Margaret pushed the chair over, kicking the door open. The giant chicken had a football-sized bulge in its uncannily long neck, and it was screaming in agony. Its mouth unhinged until its jaw looked like it might break in half, the bulge disappearing as an egg came up in the mouth. It had an off-white coloration and rubbery texture, covered in some red liquid. When the egg fell to the floor, the red substance sizzled on the recently-cleaned tiling, burning a moderate-sized hole in the establishment. “Ok, I’m going to go get my weapon.” Eric explained, running out of the building as Lauren pointed at the monster. “Guys, I think it’s making another one!” “Yeah right, it is!” Margaret swung her slosher at the SCP’s head, knocking it to the side as the egg fell back down its throat into the stomach. She jumped behind it, leaping onto its back to cover the creature’s head with the bucket-shaped weapon. The anomaly screeched, Moving backwards to crush Margaret between its back and the wall. It repeatedly slammed her into the wall until she had no choice but to fall off it, dragging the slosher back to the rest of the group. The creature easily dodged Sam’s charger shot, bowling through the group into the main area of the restaurant. It tried once again to vomit another egg, only for Eric to enter the door and hit the thing with his roller, forcing the egg back down its throat while the creature was knocked back several feet, crushing one of the round tables beneath its weight. “Sorry I’m late, guys. I left my weapon at home across the street.” “That’s fine, man-Watch out!” Tyler ran out of the kitchen door, firing his splattershot at the creature after it got up. It spit a red liquid at him, which he managed to duck under. He turned around and saw the liquid burning a hole in the wall between the kitchen and dining area. “Hey guys, don’t panic, but I think this thing spits acid blood.” Tyler pointed out. “Alright, when Margaret and Eric attacked it, it stopped trying to make that egg. If we just keep it up, we should be able to eliminate it before it reproduces.” Lauren suggested. “Alright, but how do we avoid the acid?” Nate questioned, pointing over to the hole in the wall. “There’s six of us and one of him. We can use that to our advantage; hit him from behind.” “Sounds like a plan.” Eric agreed, running towards the thing while pushing his roller in front of him. It spat more acid at him, forcing him to use the roller to vault over the shot. By the time he landed, he was close enough to punch the bird monster in the face, though all that happened was it biting down on his hand. The teeth weren’t particularly sharp; they were clearly meant more for grinding food than cutting it, but the pressure made for more than enough pain for Eric to instinctively turn into a squid and maneuver a foot away from the beast. “Hey guys, crazy idea, let’s not get bitten by that thing.” “Never would’ve thought of that.” Margaret responded, putting her slosher back over the bird’s head. The side of the weapon directly in front of its face disappeared, a red liquid coating the edges of the hole. “You little...great, now I’ll have to get a new slosher.” The bird shook itself side-to-side until the girl was flung off its back, knocking a table onto its side. She sat behind the table to try to catch her breath, Lauren sitting next to her after a few seconds. “You know,” The blue team member started, “this actually reminds me of last christmas.” “Glad this is bringing back pleasant memories for you.” Lauren hesitated before continuing, “Y’know, I actually came here to get away from all this secret agent and SCP garbage, and look where it got me. My friends are fighting a massive army of octarians miles away, I can’t help or contact them, and now I’ve dragged you guys into this mess.” “Well, I’m sure this thing would’ve showed up eventually whether or not you came here. At least this way we have some info on this thing.” “That’s just the problem, though. I have no idea what this thing’s deal is. Plus, I can’t contact any of the guys from the foundation since they’re busy with the battle at Inkopolis.” “Alright, well, like you said, we outnumber that thing 6-to-1. I say we get back in the fight and help our friends take it down.” “I like the way you think, dude.” Lauren agreed, the two vaulting over the table to rejoin the battle. Eric planted himself on top of Samantha’s charger in squid form, allowing her to shoot him towards the creature while Tyler and Nate kept it from moving away with their own weapons. Midway between his start and destination, Eric turned back into a humanoid to punch the monster in the face hard enough to knock it several feet back, knocking over half a dozen tables in its path until it left a dent in the wall. “I got this!” Nate jumped over to the monster, holding his inkbrush in the air to slam it over the bird’s head, breaking both the weapon and the creature’s skull. “Oh. great. Well, I know where this week’s paycheck is going.” He snarked, looking at the bent head of the brush. “Come on guys, let’s get this place cleaned up. Wonder why the manager hasn’t showed up.” Lauren thought out loud as she tried to pick up a table, while the monster rapidly decomposed in front of them. “The manager left a couple hours after you handed your resume in to the front desk.” Tyler answered, attempting to put two halves of a broken table back together. “Okay, I’m going to need some glue, or duct tape, or something adhesive. We need to get this place back together before the manager-” “What the hell happened here?!” The door slammed open, nearly flying off its hinges as a middle-aged inkling entered the restaurant. His face was red with anger as he shouted at the teenagers. “I leave for two hours, and you idiots have completely destroyed my restaurant! You delinquents are all fired, the whole lot of you! You’ll be lucky if I don’t ban you from coming into this building altogether! Get out, now! All of you!” He pointed at the open door right next to him, almost out of breath from his shouting. “Wait, don’t you have security cameras here? Can’t you watch the tapes?” Lauren suggested, pointing to the cameras embedded in the corners of the ceiling. “Fine, but if I see what I’m expecting, you’re all banned for life.” He marched into his office. “Wait, doesn’t he remember I don’t work here?” Lauren wondered out loud. “Let’s not point that out until he calms down.” Eric suggested. “So, now what? Do we just sit around, twiddling our thumbs until he finishes looking over the footage?” Sam asked the group. “Well, first off, we need to take care of that egg.” Tyler remembered, running back into the kitchen to grab the egg the bird had spit up earlier. “Lauren, what say we take this egg home and figure out how to break it? I seriously can’t be the only one who doesn’t want to see that thing procreate.” “Agreed. How long is this going to take?” “Well, I just finished watching the footage.” The manager walked out of his office, almost pale. “I’m closing the restaurant until we can get the place fixed up. You kids go home, and I’ll call you when I think of what to do with all this.” “Uh, sir, the two of us don’t work here.” Lauren reminded him, pointing over at Eric. “Alright, then I won’t call you two. Now go home.” “Alright. C’mon, guys.” Tyler agreed, as the group left the restaurant.

At the headquarters of the New Squidbeak Splatoon, Dr. Jonathan West was attempting to discuss plans with the rest of the group. “Alright, everyone, I think it’s safe to say that the recent battle could’ve gone slightly better. Fortunately, our allies from New IKEA have managed to drive off the enemy forces. Our first order of business is to locate Octavio, Tartar, David, and Taylor, and neutralize their operations. We also need to recruit members of the Church of the Second Hytoth, Sarkic Cults, and Horizon Initiative. I’d suggest we split up, and try to get information from the leaders of New IKEA, considering they were in the fight longer than we were. They might’ve seen something we didn’t that could give us a lead. Any suggestions? Marcus?” The agent put his hand down, asking, “What about Katherine? Shouldn’t we try to find her?” “Good idea. We should try to find her, though that’ll be difficult considering she could be anywhere in the infinite multiverse. Marcus, Serpent’s Hand, Baileys, you guys have the most interdimensional experience here. I want you to split into 3 search groups and try to find Katherine. The rest of us will stay in this dimension to do what we need. I’ll go to New IKEA, to try and investigate our enemy’s location.” “Sounds good. I’ll call Lauren and tell her about all this. Course, Innsmouth county is far enough she probably won’t be able to get here in time to help, but we did promise to keep in contact with each other.” “Alright, kid, just remember the Wanderer’s Library card.” “You got it, Dana.” Marcus walked over to the shack, leaning against the outside front wall.

Just outside of Tyler’s house, Lauren informed the assembled blue team and Eric, “Guys, I just talked to dr. Gears. He and the others are preparing for a strategy discussion, but he had enough time to help us. Turns out that thing that attacked us was SCP-3199, some sort of chicken/ape hybrid. They’re constantly pregnant and reproduce asexually, and the only reliable way to stop the egg from hatching is to completely submerge it in water.” Eric replied, “Well, there’s a lake just outside of town. We could chuck the egg in there and hope for the best.” “Sounds good to me.” Lauren agreed, picking up the plastic container holding the egg right next to her. The six of them walked through the city for half an hour until they managed to find a large body of water. “Hey guys, don’t panic, but I think junior’s starting to hatch.” Lauren looked through the clear plastic, seeing the egg start to shake and crack. “We need to get that thing in the water, now! Here, give me one end.” Lauren opened the box so the plastic wouldn’t let the egg float, handing one side of the box to Tyler. They made it to the edge of the lake as they tossed the box between the two of them. The egg flew out of the box, sailing and spinning in the air for a few seconds before sinking to the bottom of the lake with tiny ripples. “Well team, we did it. We saved the world.” Lauren celebrated, smiling. “Don’t know about you guys, but I’m going back to Tyler’s place.” Half an hour later, Marcus called Lauren on her cell. “Hey man. I saw on the news you guys managed to win the battle.” “Yeah, but there’s something you should know.” He sounded strangely worried for someone on the winning side. “What is it?” “Octavio shot Katherine with some sort of dart that locked her in octopus form, and then David tossed her into an interdimensional portal.” “What?! Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?” “I would’ve, but we had to get ready for the strategy meeting. I’m telling you this right before I go looking for Kat. We’re sending me, the Bailey triplets, and our allies from the Serpent’s Hand out as three separate search parties.” “Good. do you guys need my help?” “Nah, there’s plenty of us still here. You can stay at Innsmouth as long as you need.” “Oh. Okay. Thanks, man. For being so understanding, I mean.” “Hey, no problem. I’m headed out now, so bye.” “Bye, Mark. good luck with finding Kat.” “Hey, I managed to find her last time.” He hung up the phone, leaving Lauren to think to herself for a minute before Tyler knocked on the door to the guest bedroom. “Lauren? You decent in there?” “What? I-yeah, of course I’m decent, Ty.” “Alright, good.” He responded, opening the door. “Good news. The manager called, and turns out we’re not fired. In fact, he’s looking over your resume, and the four of us are getting a raise. Of course, he had to dock our pay for reparations, but still.” “Oh. That’s cool.” “Hey, why so down? We took care of the giant chicken, and I saw on the news your friends managed to beat that invasion.” “Yeah, I know. But Marcus-y’know, one of my friends from Inkopolis-just called. Apparently, Kat got tossed into a portal to another dimension. They’re sending out a few of them to look for her.” “Oh. sorry to hear that.” “It’s just, I don’t know, man. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision coming here, or if all I did was make everything worse.” “Come on, you’re, what, 16? You’re too young to be having a midlife crisis.” He dragged her off the bed by the arm. “The two of us are watching a movie tonight, and then you’re going to bed. We can talk about what to do next in the morning, if you’re up to it by then.” She simply shrugged. “That’s good enough for me.”

“Marcus, you ready to leave?” “Yeah, West.” Marcus finished drawing the runes on the floor, spoke the incantation, and jumped through the Way before it could close.


	48. wilson's wildlife solutions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to revise this chapter on Dec 2, 2020, to improve the story quality. I'll repost the original version on my Beta Finale work.

Critter Profile: Tori!

Overview!

Name: Tori!

Species: Octopus vulgaris(Common Octopus)

Primary Caretaker: Aquatic Team, Albert Westrin

Diet: Fish, anchovies in particular

Housed: Marine Enclosure 8

Creature Features!

‘Tori’ is our nickname for an octopus we found recently here in Boring, Oregon. Despite the fact that Octopi are native to saltwater, we found Tori miles away from any saltwater. In fact, Tori seems to be a hydrophobe; when we tried to put her in a water tank, she tried to slip out of our hands. We found out why when we finally managed to put one of her tentacles into the water, only for the tip to dissolve right then and there! Aside from being an octopus who can’t survive in water, The most notable thing about Tori is that she’s bright purple all over. Between the color, big eyes, and simplistic shape compared to most octopi, Tori looks almost like something out of a cartoon!

History!

Faeowynn Wilson found Tori by chance while walking down a street near the Wilson’s Wildlife Center, and in the middle of the road no less! Fortunately, there wasn’t much traffic and the stoplight was red, so Fae was easily able to get Tori out of the road. After that, she managed to get Tori to the Wildlife center without incident. After the infamous water tank incident(See above), we put Tori in a non-aquatic tank. We’ve still got the aquatics team taking care of her since she’s an octopus, though.

Special Needs and Accommodations!

Because of Tori’s inability to survive in water, we’ve got her in a separate container for right now, though we’re hoping to get her a bigger box. For now, her container is a plexiglass box with plenty of air holes drilled in. We tried to put her in one of the larger one-animal cages, but all that happened was Tori managing to easily slip through the bars! That meant the only reliable way we could keep her from wandering off and getting herself hurt was to put her in the containment we’ve got right now.

Notes about Tori!

We’ve only had Tori for a few hours so far, so we admittedly don’t know much about her. Still, we need to record every animal we rescue, and update our documentation as we gain new information.

Katherine sat in the cage, silently contemplating her newfound circumstances. Trapped in octopus form, she was unable to speak and her movements were slowed drastically. Her tentacle still burned a little from where the Wilson's Wildlife Solution employees had accidentally dissolved it. She tried to shapeshift back into humanoid form, and for the first time in her hundreds of recent attempts, actually felt something familiar. She continued to concentrate, growing and shifting. After a few seconds, she'd been reduced to an amorphous mass of purple ink completely filling the entire volume of the plexiglass box. She rocked back and forth, eventually succeeding in tipping over the container. The tabletop was meant to serve as the bottom of the container, allowing Katherine to complete her transformation after it landed upside-down on the floor. “Ow, geez, that smarts.” The octoling groaned, rubbing the stump of one of her two longer tentacle-hairs. Her face and sides were bruised from hitting the sides of the container. After a minute or two of sitting on the concrete floor to regain her bearings, a man entered through a nearby door to check on the noise. “Hey, how'd you get in here?!” Kat hastily stood up before responding, “It's not what it looks like, I swear! I-I can explain!” Her voice was hoarse from not speaking for the past several hours. “What happened to you, kid? And who even are you, anyway?" Katherine coughed to clear her voice. "Look, it's a long story, but I’m from an alternate dimension.” “Did you say an alternate dimension? I wasn’t aware those existed.” Albert mused. “Yeah, neither was I until a few months ago. Anyway, I'm a shapeshifter-" She demonstrated by shifting into octopus form for a few seconds. "-but I got shot with this weird dart that temporarily locked me in my octopus form and then tossed through a portal here.” “Who did that to you?” His eyes widened, and he sounded genuinely concerned. “Some crazy magic artist. More importantly, can you think of any way I might be able to get back to my own universe?” “Well, I suppose you could look in the forest. This town is what's called a nexus, so naturally there's been reports of weird stuff going on in there. I can't guarantee anything, but that's probably your best bet. By the way, sorry about accidentally cutting your hair...tentacle...whatever that is.” “No worries. It'll grow back, plus I’ll have a story to tell my friends. “Good, good. Be careful, okay? And sorry about, well...” "No worries; you didn’t know. Besides, you’re not the first one to accidentally kidnap me. That poor pizza delivery boy… Anyway, thanks man."

Sent by: Faeowynn Wilson  
recipient(s): Tim Wilson  
Date: 2020/10/12

Hey dad, I just want to let you know what happened with Tori. Turns out, she was actually a human. Well, actually a human-like creature from another dimension. Albert managed to get her off the premises safely, and he contacted me about it.

Sent by: Tim Wilson  
Recipient(s): Faeowynn Wilson  
Date:2020/10/12

Really? Sounds like my fortune cookie was right on the money.

Sent by: Faeowynn Wilson  
Recipient(s): Tim Wilson  
Date:2020/10/12

Dad, I’m being serious right now.

Sent by: Tim Wilson  
Recipient(s): Faeowynn Wilson  
Date:2020/10/12

So am I. It was a very strange fortune cookie.

Sent by: Faeowynn Wilson  
Recipient(s): Tim Wilson  
Date:2020/10/12

Okay, I’ll just delete Tori’s file from our database. It’ll be like she was never there.

Sent by: Tim Wilson  
Recipient(s): Faeowynn Wilson  
Date:2020/10/12

Good. Now we can get back to our usual unusualities. Still, it is rather unsettling to know our universe isn’t the only one.

Sent by: Faeowynn Wilson  
Recipient(s): Tim Wilson  
Date:2020/10/12

True, but there’s no use getting worked up over something we can’t control. I’ll tell the supervisors about this at my earliest available opportunity. No doubt they’re better equipped than we are.

Sent by: Tim Wilson  
Recipient(s): Faeowynn Wilson  
Date:2020/10/12

Sounds good to me.

A few hours after leaving the Wilsons Wildlife Solution's base, Katherine ran through the town of Boring, Oregon, ignoring the strange looks garnered by her tentacle-hair. Eventually, she managed to reach the forest outside of town. The area was covered in shadows from the trees, making it resemble late afternoon rather than the midday of outside. “Okay, now I just need to find something to get me back to my universe.” She muttered, her shoes sinking into the thin layer of snow on the ground. She spent the next several hours picking through the forest, looking in bushes, holes in the ground, and knotholes. Perched in a tree, she looked up to see the gray sky. “Great. And now it's raining. Just what I need.” Kat hastily climbed down the tree, turning her priorities to finding shelter from the burning rain. After a few minutes, the rain started pouring. The trees did little to interfere with the precipitation, the tiny droplets splashing against Katherine's head and shoulders like miniscule globs of acid. Yelping in pain, she ran through the forest, slipping on the snow while pulling her shirt overhead. After a few minutes, she ducked into a small cave with barely enough space for her to curl into a ball for shelter. “Great, just great." she muttered bitterly. "I'm stuck in another dimension, I can't go out because of the rain, and I've got no way back home." She stared outside as the rain picked up. Alone with her thoughts, the teenager started to tear up from apparent hopelessness. "No, I-there's gotta be something I can do.” She considered her options, only able to think of a single viable possibility. Twisting her arm behind herself, she managed to grab a sharpened pebble the size of her thumbprint. "Okay, okay, what was it? Think, Kat, think." She racked her brain, trying to remember the runes from the blood pool dimension. “Maybe-no, no, it's not-or maybe it is? Oh, come on, he showed it to me how many times?” After a few minutes, she started etching a series of markings onto the cave wall. "Okay, and now...” She took a breath, trying to remember what the Goatman had said at Sloth's Pit. “Magna... bibliotheca... ad centrum... omnium... aperta tibi ad me.” The runes glowed a sickly purple, as though Katherine had somehow erred the ritual. The cave fell apart around her, leaving her falling through the mystic void.


	49. Church of the second hytoth

"Alright, we can’t exactly just sit around and do nothing. While the others are searching for Kat, we ought to be looking for the groups of interest we still need to recruit to fight the Scarlet King” Kondraki announced to the assembled group, a day after the search parties had left. “Fortunately, we’ve already made progress on that front.” He turned on the projector, everyone focusing on the picture of a blood-red sphere suspended in the starry black of space. “Just last night, the news reported some anomalous activity on Mars. Gears, tell them what we found.” “Certainly.” Dr. Gears stood up, replacing Kondraki at the projector stand. “Me and my colleagues investigated the report.” He flipped through several screenshots as he spoke, showing the assembled party photographs of alien structures and buildings, creatures that defied logic or even description, and writings unpronounceable by human tongues. “We found the photographs uncovered by your deep-space telescopes to be consistent with the behavior of the anomalous religious group known as the Church of the Second Hytoth.” Kondraki continued, “Now, lucky for us, the ortothans-that’s what practitioners call themselves-are neutral to us, so hopefully we shouldn’t have too much trouble convincing them to help us. Really, I’m most worried about the sarkics right now, but that’s beside the point. Now, we could use some information on how we can get to Mars. It’s not exactly a hop, skip, and jump away.” Callie spoke up, “Well, we could always try repairing the Ark Polaris. From what we can infer, it’s a human spaceship that was destroyed at some point thousands of years ago, but with the Church of the Broken God on our side now, we should be able to repair it quickly enough. Then, it’ll just be a matter of getting to Mars. We don’t know when the Ark Polaris was actually built, so there’s almost no telling how fast it can go.” Dr. King responded, “Well, the foundation’s actually been working on some lightspeed engines. They’re only experimental at this point, but if I can convince them to give me just one engine, we could get to the ortothans in a matter of minutes.” “Now hold on a minute.” Pearl interrupted. “If these light engines are experimental, then how do we know they won’t blow up in our faces?” “Well, we’ve actually gotten past the constant exploding phase of development. Really, the only reason they’re still technically considered experimental is because we don’t have a truly reliable fuel source.” The group of 14 thought for a few moments. If they didn’t have any fuel, then all the spaceship repairs and lightspeed engines in the world wouldn’t be enough to reach the ortothans. “Hey wait a minute!” Marina piped up, excited. “What about the zapfish? Those things power the entire city! What if they could also power a spaceship?” “Not a bad idea.” Ethan thought out loud. “But how many zapfish would we need for that kind of travel?” “Well,” Dr. Crow answered, jumping onto the table, “given the distance between the earth and Mars divided by the speed of light within the vacuum of space, it would only take 3 minutes each direction.” “Alright, so we need enough zapfish to power 6 minutes worth of lightspeed travel. I’m pretty sure that would require about a hundred zapfish. Of course, we might have to let them recharge while we’re actually on Mars but it should still be enough.” Marina suggested. “Okay, good. Dr. Gears will go and see if we can talk Robert Bumaro into lending us some resources for repairing the Ark Polaris. The rest of you can sort out what you’ll be doing among yourselves.” As dr. Gears left, Marina explained, “Y’know, I’m an octarian engineer, but I’m sure I can do something with human tech. I can go and start working on reparations while you two-” She pointed to Callie and Marie, “-figure out how to get your hands on 100 zapfish. Since your grandfather is in charge of protecting the great zapfish, it shouldn’t be too difficult.” “Well, he’s only technically in charge. The best kind of in charge.” Callie responded. “Still, you’ve got a point that we shouldn’t have too much trouble getting those zapfish.” “Okay, but we need to think of who’s going into space. I mean, some of us will still have to stay here.” Trent pointed out. “Okay, I’m thinking Marina should go if she does manage to help repair the ship, since we ought to have at least one representative from our dimension introduced to these guys.” Marie suggested. “Sounds good.” Bright agreed. “Of course, we might also want to send Robert Bumaro, seeing as how we need the Church of the Broken God to cooperate with the ortothans if this is going to work.” “Actually, that might not be the best idea.” Kondraki argued. “The ortothans have neutral relations with most other anomalous religions, so we should probably send our fifthist friend instead, just to help him get used to working with the foundation. If anything, we should send Bumaro when we go to recruit a sarkic member, seeing as the Church of the Broken God sees the Sarkic cults as eternal rivals.” “Yeah, no kidding.” Bright admitted. “If we can get those two groups to work together, the rest of our little plan shouldn’t be too tough to implement.” “Alright, so we’ve finally got a plan together.” Crow summarized, “Marina will go and start repairing the Ark Polaris until dr. Gears arrives with some guys from the Church of the Broken God to help out, meanwhile dr. King will go back to the foundation to obtain a lightspeed engine, and Callie and Marie will gather 100 zapfish to power the engines. Then, Marina, drs. King and Gears, and the fifthist bartender will go to Mars on the ship to make contact with the Church of the Second Hytoth. The rest of us will stay here and make sure nothing too disastrous happens.” “Sounds good to me. Oh, and I should probably spring for four spacesuits so we can actually survive up there.” King added. “Yeah, that might be somewhat helpful.” Marina replied, continuing, “Okay, good work team. Let’s move out.”  
Dr. Gears arrived at the door to the Church of the Broken God’s hideout, knocking on the oaken wood of the previously abandoned building. Barely a few seconds later, a man with a cybernetic eye opened it for him. “You are with the foundation.” He told Gears, his expression remaining neutral. “Why are you coming here?” “I believe we require the assistance of your group. May I please speak to Robert Bumaro?” Gears requested. “Very well. However, if you try to harm our leader, we will make your death slow and painful.” “I suppose that is to be expected.” Gears accepted, no hint of concern evident in his tone. Guided by the doorman, he walked to the podium in the back of the church, where Bumaro was evidently waiting for him already. “Foundation scientist. Why do you come here?” “Robert Bumaro, me and my colleagues have come to the conclusion that we require the assistance of your group. I am aware that our two parties have significant mutual animosity, but in this instance it would be much more pragmatic-” “Go on, hurry it up, I haven’t got all day here.” Bumaro interrupted, clearly annoyed. “Yes, of course, my apologies. As I was saying, we have located the ruins of a human spacecraft, and would request the aid of your group in repairing it.” “Is that all?” “Yes, I believe so.” Bumaro thought to himself for a few minutes before answering, “Very well. I’ll send a dozen of my engineers to aid you. However, if even one of them comes to harm, there will be consequences.” “I understand. Truth be told, I can respect that sort of loyalty to your followers.” “Good. Now, let me gather them.” Within moments, dr. Gears and 12 mekhanite engineers were walking the long distance to the Ark Polaris.  
Marina had been working on the Ark Polaris ruins for a few hours by the time a truck bearing the foundation’s logo drove across the land bridge, which only connected Inkopolis to the island during the last months of the year. She watched from her platform halfway up the side of the spacecraft, where she’d reached via a makeshift pulley system and was trying to attach a piece of white metal to the main body of the ruin, as Callie, Marie, drs King and Gears, and the fifthist bartender-Lewis, she remembered-exited the truck along with twelve others. Judging by most of them having some mechanical attachments, she figured they were engineers dr. Gears had recruited from the Church of the Broken God. By the time she managed to lower her platform to ground level, they’d already taken a half-dozen crates out of the back of the vehicle. “Hey, how’s the repairs coming along?” Callie asked. “Could be worse, especially seeing how I’ve been doing it solo till now.” “Yeah, sorry about that. Unfortunately, we could only get 64 zapfish instead of 100, and we figured there was no way we could use the great zapfish after the panic from last time it went missing.” “Fair enough. Unfortunately, that means we might have to stay on Mars longer to let them recharge. I’d say probably around an hour or so. Now come on, let’s get this thing fixed up.” Marina ran back towards the craft, pointing out the other platforms the rest of the group could use to raise themselves higher on the side. As expected, the mekhanites contributed the most to the repairs, their time trying to repair a clockwork deity making them experts on technological engineering. Lewis also proved to be a significant boon, as his fifthist magic allowed him to telekinetically handle multiple large slabs of metal simultaneously. Within a couple hours, in the middle of the night, the 18-man group looked up at the fully-restored Ark Polaris. It was a truly magnificent craft, a veritable spear pointed straight at the night sky. Most of the hull was a stark white and gray, but the small wings at the bottom were painted black. On the side was a logo bearing the moniker 'Ark Polaris 7950 AD', though Marina had used a nearby spray can to paint a strikethrough over the year, adding 'Mark II 2020'. They'd already loaded up the zapfish and lightspeed engines, and those who weren’t going to space left back over the land bridge. Marina, King, Gears, and Lewis prepared themselves for the journey before Marina asked, “So, how many times have the lightspeed engines been tested with actually taking passengers into space?” “Once. Including now.” King answered. “What? I thought you said the lightspeed engines were almost out of the experimental phase!” “Yes, but we’ve only ever done one passenger at a time until now. Don’t worry; it should be perfectly safe. Probably.” “Oh, well isn’t that reassuring? Anyways, mind explaining these martian guys to the two of us?” Lewis asked. “Of course. The Church of the Second Hytoth is a religious body centered on the belief that the first iteration of the multiverse, or hytoth as they refer to it, was destroyed by an unknown entity. They believe that seven of the survivors who fled into the second hytoth ascended to godhood and became the koru-teusa, with the so-called ‘holy fourth’, Rakmou-leusan, being the only one remaining. Ortothan mythology states that Rakmou-leusan continuously bleeds, and believers periodically consent to giving blood sacrifices in order to maintain enough strength to defend the universe against extradimensional threats referred to as ‘voruteut’.” “So you’re saying these guys take blood sacrifices,but only from people who’re willing? Like some sort of divine blood drive?” Marina clarified. “That’s about right, and it’s the main reason why we don’t consider them that much of a threat. Plus, it’s possible they could be right, in which case stopping them would likely do more harm than good.” King agreed. “Gotcha. So, these guys have neutral relations with the other anomalous religions? They’ll be willing to help us out with fighting the Scarlet King?” Lewis asked. “That’s the hope.” Dr. King confirmed. Within a few moments Gears pointed out, “It appears we are nearing the surface of Mars.” He managed to land the spacecraft on the flat, red surface of the planet, sending crimson dust billowing around the bottom of the craft. The door opened, the ramp unfolded to the ground, and the four passengers stepped out in their bulky foundation-issue spacesuits, their clear helmets outfitted with automatic translators so they could communicate in the ortothan language. The four of them looked beyond the spaceship, at miles of red rock eventually interrupted by a sprawling city, filled with buildings whose very shapes and sizes defied all human understandings of those concepts, to the point where they almost hurt to look at directly. “Well, what’re we waiting for? Let’s go meet the Church of the Second Hytoth.” King gestured in front of them, leading the four-man team toward the city.  
Despite the fact that the Ortothan city appeared miles off, the trip barely took an hour. Marina, dr. King, Lewis, and dr. Gears approached a set of gates hundreds of feet tall, shimmering in unearthly hues, embedded in a wall made of alien materials. “Let me do the talking.” Dr. King approached the two guards, humanoid figures carrying 10-foot spears as long as they were tall. “Pardon. We come representing the earth of this dimension, and we wish to speak with a representative of the Church of the Second Hytoth.” The two guards spoke among themselves for a short while before pressing the gates with the blunt ends of their weapons, causing them to glow and swing inwards. “Follow.” One guard spoke, his voice calm, but deep and commanding. The six of them walked through the streets of the martian city, with vendors selling extraterrestrial tools and foods, and ortothans milling about. Some of the civilians were humanoid, others changed shape by the second, and still others were wholly indescribable. After what felt like a few hours-not that they could tell from how much further the sun was and the fact there were two moons in the sky-they came up to a building that jutted towards the martian heavens, branching dozens of times like a grand tree standing far above the outer walls. “This is the home of Koru Archpriest Farah Onteus, the leader of the ortothans. You would do well to show your respect.” The four spoke their affirmative, and were led to the inside of the building. The ground floor was much more spacious than the outside suggested, as it was plenty big enough to have a turf war match in without having to move any of the furniture. At a desk made of a sort of crystalline substance was a secretary-or at least what they presumed to be a secretary-with a humanoid figure, ten eyes, and ten arms. "You all need something?" She asked in a calmingly ethereal voice. "The visitors from earth request an audience with the archpriest." One of the guides answered. "Hey, quick question: if you guys are here. then who's guarding the gates?” Lewis realized. “Your concerns are valid, but unnecessary. We have other guards stationed at our post while we guide you to the archpriest.” “Yes, I believe the archpriest is accepting visitors at this moment. Provided the matter is sufficiently urgent, of course.” “Oh, you bet it’s urgent. This meeting could decide the fate of the multiverse!” Marina exclaimed, leaning on the desk. “Well, that’s good enough for me.” She pressed a button on the desk, causing the 6 of them to teleport to the top floor, where the archpriest was. He resembled a human, and his chamber was relatively sparse. There were only a few chairs, a desk where he sat, a symbol of a seven-pointed star on the back wall, and four spears hanging from the walls. Slowly, the group approached his desk. "Koru Archpriest Farah Onteus, these visitors from earth have requested an audience with you. They claim to have matters of multiversal importance.” The archpriest leaned forward, suddenly intent on the four. “Well now, I suppose I would do well to listen then. After all, the central tenants teach that we should treat our allies with compassion, and that our allies consist of all who have shown us no harm.” “Sounds good to me. We come here representing the earth of this dimension. I am dr. Everett King, scientist of the SCP foundation.” The other three introduced themselves in turn, explaining the situation as they knew it thus far: the Scarlet King was somehow causing their dimensions to merge in an effort to bring about multiversal annihilation, and they needed representatives from six groups, including the Church of the Second Hytoth, in order to prevent it. “Well, that does explain how our experiments in dimensional travel brought us here from the opened star cluster. Fortunately, we’ve been here long enough to set up watchtowers on the two moons of this world. We should therefore be well prepared for any attacks by the voruteut or Twelve Stars forces should they have followed us here.” “That’s great! But what are Twelve Stars?” Marina asked. “Twelve Stars is an alien force in the opened star cluster, dedicated to wiping out ortothan culture on all worlds.” The archpriest explained. “I’m afraid if they followed us here and learned of our alliance, they might declare war on your planet.” "That's a necessary risk we're willing to take." Gears informed him. "Easy for you to say. It’s my planet on the line here.” Marina argued. “And I just happen to like my planet. It’s where I keep my magazine stash.” “Yeah, well, it’s also the entire multiverse on the line.” Lewis reminded her. “Fair point. Alright, we’ll take the risk to protect the multiverse.” “A wise choice indeed. Of course, if Twelve Stars does attack your planet, we will support you with the full might of the Church of the Second Hytoth.” “We appreciate it. Just one question, though: What sort of magazine stash are we talking about here?” Lewis turned to the octoling. “Can’t a girl have her secrets?” She grinned. The room suddenly started glowing bright red, blaring a deafening alarm that sounded like the screams of a demon army. “What-no, that’s not possible!” Archpriest Farah Onteus turned on some sort of communication device, resembling a glowing blue translucent pyramid. He barked something in ortothan, getting a response in the same language. He pushed a button on the side of the desk, causing the roof to open into a skylight. The two moons shone in the sky like the eyes of some cosmic beast, with one being swarmed in fiery blasts and explosions of blue light. “One of the watchtowers has stopped sending signals.” Farah Onteus told them, dread evident in his tone. Watching the sky, Lewis added, “Deimos has fallen.”  
Within a few moments, King, Gears, Lewis, Marina, and Farah were running through the streets of the ortothan city, Twelve Stars ships firing explosive blasts at the buildings. The city became a battleground as ortothan ships launched into the air, engaging the armada. “Come on, we have to get back to our ship! With the lightspeed engines, we can reach earth in 3 minutes.” Dr. King explained. “I just hope the zapfish are fully recharged. If they’re even slightly less than full, we’ll never get back.” Marina pointed out. “Quickly, we must hurry. The soldiers of the Church of the Second Hytoth are capable fighters.” Onteus spoke up, rushing ahead of the group. A few hundred feet before they reached the spacecraft, the ground exploded in front of them, an alien monstrosity emerging out of the smoke. It was humanoid in shape, about ten feet tall, with a bulbous, featureless head, and a dozen arms branching out of each side of its gray torso. “A Twelve Stars elite soldier!” Farah called out, unsheathing from a strap on his back a 3-foot sword made of red-hot plasma. While he engaged the soldier, Lewis spoke an incantation, "Claidheamh solais!", conjuring a glowing blue sword in his hand. He jumped at the soldier, swinging the blade at its head. He left a crack in its head, almost resembling some demented half-formed smile. It screeched, the sound reverberating in their minds. The two foundation scientists pulled out foundation-issue rifles, shooting the alien’s torso. It barely flinched from the lead ammunition while Marina rolled under it, jumping onto the soldier’s back and clinging onto its neck. It shifted rapidly from side to side, trying to knock her off itself, until she kicked it in the back to vault away from it. The scientists used the distraction to fire their weapons at its head, while Lewis and Farah threw their swords at the chest. Screeching in their minds like a wailing banshee, the monstrosity exploded into a mess of gray pieces, bodily fluids, and martian dust. Farah caught the handle of his blade in midair as it flew from the blast, strapping it onto his back. “Come on, we have to get moving.” Marina started running back toward the spaceship, followed by the other four. They reached the craft in a matter of minutes, hurrying inside. “Okay, good, the zapfish are fully charged.” She noted, checking the fuel gauges. “Good, great, now can we please get out of here?” Lewis blurted, hastily getting in his seat. “I’m not sure I like how eager you are to leave my people behind.” “No, I’m more eager to leave those twelve star freaks behind.” “Are we sufficiently prepared for faster-than-light transportation to earth?” “Yes, Gears, and are you sure you’re not a robot?” Marina answered while King started turning on the Ark Polaris Mark II. The ship lifted into the air, rocketing towards the earth at the speed of light.


	50. aces and eights

Fred, Dana, Troy, and Jack stepped through the Way from the Wanderer’s Library. The area they arrived in was a desert, with a cluster of small rustic buildings around them. There were only a few people in sight, riding horses with leather carrying cases strapped to their sides, and a few stray cacti. “Well guys, I believe we’ve found ourselves in the old american west.” “Oh, really, fred? I couldn’t have guessed that.” Jack responded. “Come on, guys, we should head inside. Maybe we can find someone who can help us find Katherine. I mean, a teenage octopus girl with a modern fashion sense can’t be that hard to spot around here.” Dana started towards a nearby saloon, putting on a hat to conceal her extra ears. Troy tucked his shirt into his pants to hide his stomach mouth, Fred stuffed his hands into his pockets to hide his sixth fingers, and Jack pulled a bandana out of his pocket and wrapped it around his third eye. The four serpent’s hand members, as sufficiently disguised as they could be, walked into the saloon marked on the front wall ‘saloon number 19’. Inside were a few dozen patrons and a bartender, all of them paying no attention to the oddly-dressed newcomers. “You guys find someplace to sit, and I’ll ask the bartender if he’s seen anything.” Troy suggested. “Good idea. Just make sure you’re not too suspicious.” Jack agreed, going off with the two others. “So, I take it you run this here fine establishment.” The hand member leaned on the solid oak counter while the bartender cleaned a wine glass with a wet rag. “Yeah, I sure do. What’s it matter to y’all?” He looked at Troy with a gaze that suggested a man who’d seen a few unusual customers in his time. “Well, the thing is, a friend of mine has gone missing and I think she might’ve wandered here. Have you by any chance seen or heard word of a little girl with weird-looking purple hair around here?” “Sorry, pardner, but if your little friend wandered around outside of the town, she’s as good as dead. She’d be darned lucky if the 682nd cavalry didn’t get to her.” “Well, thank you anyway. Sure you haven’t seen anything?” “Completely sure. Ya gon’ buy something or am I gon’ have ta kick y’all out?” “Right, right, of course.” Figuring a modern dollar bill wouldn’t work here, he turned to a gruff-looking man tossing darts into a board and tapped it on the shoulder. “You, me, best 2-out-of-3.” “Alright, fella. How much ya willin ta bet?” The man grinned, showing half his teeth were missing and the other half were stained yellow. Thinking for a few seconds, Troy answered, “This rare antique from my hometown. I bet it’s worth a pretty penny round these parts.” “Y’know what? I like your accent, pardner; it’s kinda funny. Tell ya what, y’all beat me 2 out of three shots, and I’ll give you these coins.” He pulled out a dozen pieces of 1800’s currency, plenty to pay for drinks. “I like that bet, partner. Deal.” Troy agreed. “Good, now let’s shake on it.” The man spit on his hand, holding it out expectantly. Hesitantly, Troy spit in his own hand before shaking the stranger’s. While he wasn’t looking, the serpent’s hand member wiped his hand on his pant leg. Sitting around a table on the other side of the bar, Jack and Fred were listening to Dana talk about country western terminology. “I’m just saying, when you’re talking to one person, it’s ‘y’all’, as in ‘you all’, but multiple people is ‘all y’all’, as in ‘all you all’. I can’t be the only one who thinks that’s weird.” Nodding in agreement, Jack turned to notice Troy throwing darts with a stranger. “What is he...Oh, never mind, I’m going to go check on him.” He walked over to the dart-throwers, tapping the stranger on the shoulder. Gasping in surprise, he suddenly raised his arm and changed the direction of his throw. “Excuse me, sir, but what are you doing with my friend?” “Ah’ll tell y’all what I’m doing! Ah’m trying ta have a fair game o’ darts fer a bet wit’ yer pardner ‘ere, til y’all jes’ mosey on over an’ sabotage mah winnin’ shot!” “I assure you, sir, I’m not looking for trouble. Let me just-oh, you can have this!” He pulled a dollar out of his pocket. “It’s real rare round these parts, and it’s got a picture of a guy’s face o-” Jack was interrupted by the stranger turning him around and pushing him into a wall, holding him up by his shirt collar. “Listen ‘ere, ya funny-dressed varmint.” Before he could continue, Troy pulled him off, throwing him onto the ground. “You alright, man?” “Yeah, I’ve got worse. Just… just let me catch my breath.” “You no-good rotten yellow-bellied lily-livered...” He whipped out his pistol from its holster and fired it straight into the ceiling three times to get everyone’s attention. “First to off these two scoundrels gets a drink on ma’ money!” “Oh come on, like anyone’s going to go for that.” Fred remarked, listening from the other side of the building. Immediately, nearly every single patron ran at the two near the dartboard. “Well, whaddaya know? Must be some good drinks here.” The two of them jumped out of their seats, Dana vaulting over a table to kick a guy in the back of his head while Fred punched another in the abdomen, sending him doubled over. Troy managed to pull the gun out of the hands of the guy who started the brawl, tossing it out and breaking the window after wasting the last bullet on the attacker’s foot. Jack punched several people in rapid succession before jumping to roundhouse kick a guy in the face before he could stab him from behind. The other half of their little group made it over to them, standing in a tight circle to fight off the other bar patrons. WIthin a few seconds, between the four of them and their opponents fighting each other to get at them first, the entire bar was empty; most were either knocked out or leaving. The only one left besides the serpent’s hand members and bartender was a man sitting by himself, sipping a glass of alcohol with a years-old burn scar covering half of his face. “Say, why didn’t you attack us?” Troy asked, standing next to the table. “Who, me? I ain’t exactly got time for those kinds of law-breakin antics. Course, I hafta respect a bunch o outsiders like all y’all. Here, use these to pay fer yer drinks. Least I can do after givin’ me a scoop like that.” He dropped several old-fashioned coins onto the table. “If it’s not too much trouble I’d like the four o’ y’all ta sit down wit me an’ yer drinks. It’s not often I get such interesting company.” “I… very well.” Dana agreed, walking over to the counter. The four ordered their drinks, and while the bartender started brewing, Jack whispered, “Why did you agree to that? We’re wasting time; Kat’s clearly not here.” “True, but she could still be somewhere in the area. That guy might know something. Besides, I’ve always wanted to try an old west drink.” A moment later, the table now had five customers sitting around it. “The name’s Jeremiah. Ah’m the local newspaper editor ‘ere at Baltimore. Ah overheard yer friend say he’s lookin fer a li’l lass.” “Yeah I did, have you seen her?” “‘fraid not, but this could make a great story. Sorry I couldn’t be of much help.” “Sorry, but we’ve really got to hurry. Missing friend, dangerous place, you know how it is.” Jack explained. “Ah. Fair nuff, I s’pose. Maybe when all y’all find er, our paths might cross again.” “Yeah, maybe.” Dana agreed, turning to her cohorts and whispering, “See? Told you it sounded weird.” “Well, s’pose y’all four oughtta be heading out now.” “Yeah, guess so.” Fred got up, the group walking out while Jeremiah stayed behind with their untouched drinks. “Well, looks like more for me.”

“Hey, Lauren, bad news.” “What is it, Tyler?” The girl looked up from the bench in the park. “I just got an email from the manager of the innsmouth cafe. Turns out, the business wasn’t doing so well for the past few months, and the damage caused by the SCP yesterday was the last straw.” “Oh, no no no, please no.” Lauren’s voice filled with dread, fully aware of where the conversation was going. “Yeah, he… he had to close down the restaurant. Me and the rest of the blue team had to be let go. He just couldn’t afford to keep the business going.” “I’m sorry.” “For what? Odds are, that thing would’ve shown up whether you came here or not.” “I know, but still, you guys lost your jobs.” “Yeah, well, honestly, the pay wasn’t that great anyway. Besides, we can still make money off turf wars. I’m sure they don’t pay as much here as in Inkopolis, but we can make it work.” “I hope so.” Lauren muttered, looking aside at nothing in particular.


	51. three portlands

Katherine spent several seconds free-falling through the purple void, losing all sense of gravity until she fell onto concrete. "Gah...ow. Must've not said the spell loud enough or something." She muttered, looking around at her new surroundings. She was in a massive, bustling city with neon billboards advertising local anomalous art galleries, candies that tasted like entropy, and some company called Anderson Robotics. A nearby neon billboard advertised "Welcome to Three Portlands." “Right, guess I should probably start looking.” She left the narrow alley before being slammed into a wall by a man with a metal face.

Marcus jumped out of the Way he’d opened from within the Wanderer’s Library, looking around at the city around him. The buildings were close together, leaving only narrow alleys between them. All around people were either walking or riding cabs, no one paying him any mind. Overhead billboards with neon lighting advertised a variety of anomalous goods and services, including someplace called Ambrose Restaurants. The inkling started walking in an arbitrary direction, trying to look for any sign of his friend. After a few minutes, he came across a man in a trench coat. Something about him seemed off, like Marcus had to look at him dead-on to prevent him from flickering in and out of sight. Deciding the individual might have some knowledge of the anomalous, and having no leads to speak of, he tapped the man on the shoulder. He turned to face Marcus, but he could’ve sworn the man didn’t actually move; that he had instantaneously turned around. “What is it?” The man asked, completely unfazed by the fact this child had tentacles on his head and raccoon-like eye marks. “Excuse me, sir, have you seen anything weird around here? Like, a girl around my age, purple tentacles on her head kind of like mine, something like that?” The man in the trenchcoat sighed, thinking for a second or two. “No, but I do fancy myself an investigator of a sort. Perhaps I could help you.” “Thanks, man. I’m willing to try anything, honestly. By the way, what’s your name?” The man grinned, but it looked as though his mouth hadn’t moved at all. “Just call me Nobody.”

“Peregrine Series Humanoid Utility Droid prime directive: kill all outsiders to Three Portlands.” The robot spoke, its voice completely neutral, as it pressed Kat’s windpipe into the wall, lifting her half a foot off the ground by her neck. Choking, Kat managed to kick at the android, which showed no reaction. Desperate, she bit down on the hand holding her, only to break her tooth on the metal. Once she finally managed to get over her panic, she turned into an octopus, falling to the ground before turning back into a humanoid and rolling away from the android. She jumped behind a parked taxi cab, trying to catch her breath. While she was still rubbing her throat, trying to get it properly working again, the robot picked up the car. She hastily got up, running from the man with the blank, unfeeling stare as it effortlessly tossed the car at her. Kat ducked forward, letting the cab sail overhead and collide with another parked taxi, leaving a pile of metal in a puddle of leaked gasoline. “You are an outsider. You will be eliminated in accordance with the Peregrine Series Humanoid Utility Droid prime directive.” It stalked towards her, ready to kill. Realizing that without a weapon she couldn’t hope to beat something made of metal, Kat ran off. A few wires from one of the cars dropped into the gasoline puddle, the sparks causing a chain reaction resulting in a massive explosion. The octoling felt herself flying through the air for what felt like hours before she crashed onto the concrete ground, purple ink-blood staining the surface. She took her shirt, the back completely burnt off, and tried to use it as a makeshift bandage, but there were too many cuts all over her limbs and torso that she couldn’t cover them all at once. About thirty feet away, the android walked through the fire, completely unharmed. “Seriously, what’s it take to get rid of this guy?” She muttered, running past a building labeled ‘Ambrose Restaurant’ while the android followed.

While Nobody drove, he checked the news on his radio for any potential evidence. A female voice spoke, “Recently, there have been reports of Peregrine Series Humanoid Utility Droids malfunctioning and attacking individuals non-native to the city of Three Portlands. Anderson Robotics, the company responsible for creating and distributing the PSHUDs, has been forced to recall approximately 1,360 of the robots in order to prevent civilian casualties. So far, no official cause has been disclosed, but employees claim that investigations are already underway.” Nobody changed the radio station multiple times before shutting it off, deciding there wasn’t anything worth following up on. Marcus blinked, suddenly wondering whether it had ever been on in the first place. “So, any ideas?” “Not sure, kid. Three Portlands is a big city. Any idea where your friend might be?” “No clue. I’m not even sure she’s here in the first place, but from what I found in the Wanderer’s Library, this place is like some sort of interdimensional nexus.” Nobody nodded before the car suddenly slammed to a stop as though the tires had spontaneously flattened. “You! Kid! Out of the car, now!” Marcus and Nobody exited the car, seeing a group of people pointing a variety of normal and magical weapons at them. They looked surprised, as though they hadn’t initially noticed Nobody at the driver’s seat. “You know you’re on Chicago Spirit turf, slick?” “Oh, Chicago Spirit?” Nobody smirked. “Now I know not to hold back.”

Kat continued to run, exhausted and bleeding, while the android gradually closed the gap. She tossed her shirt behind her as a distraction, the android barely slowing as it tossed the object off its face. They turned a corner, Kat running into an antique weapon store. The guy at the counter yelled at her, “Hey, you see the sign?! No shirt, no shoes, no service! You’re two for three!” “Sorry man, no time for modesty!” Kat responded, taking a display sword off a shelf. “Killer robot!” “Oh, for the love of… again?” He rolled his eyes as a metal hand punched through the door. He ran out the back as the android entered the otherwise empty building. “You will be eliminated-” Kat didn’t listen to the rest, instead shouting as she ran into battle dragging the sword behind her.

One member of the Chicago Spirit flinched before collapsing as Nobody pushed him to the ground. Marcus dodged an electric gun long enough to get close to its holder, kicking the gun out of his hands to punch him in the face. Nobody appeared to teleport as he punched out another Chicago Spirit member before kicking behind himself at another without bothering to turn around. Marcus turned into a squid just long enough to jump over a bolt of thaumaturgic energy, transforming back in midair to skid onto the pavement. He pivoted on one leg to kick the other guy in the face, watching as two other members of the Chicago Spirit had their heads slammed together by Nobody.

“Alright, you marauding mechanical menace, see about this!” Katherine shouted, swinging the sword at the android. She left a gash exposing the wires in its shoulder, only to be punched halfway through the room. Getting up, she watched as the robot’s shoulder repaired itself, looking within seconds as though nothing had happened. “Oh, of course it’s got self-repair tech. What kind of self-respecting murderbot wouldn’t?” She ran back toward the android, ducking under its blow to swing the sword at it. The android managed to deflect the sword with its arm, kicking her several feet backwards. Kat repeatedly slashed the sword, only for the android to repair all damage. “You will be eliminated in accordance with the Peregrine Series Humanoid Utility Droid prime directive.” It vocalized in a neutral, emotionless tone as it tossed Katherine into the back wall. “Initiating self-defense flamethrowers.” The android’s arm transformed into a hollow shaft, shooting a blast of fire at Kat. She barely managed to roll out of the way, causing the wall and floor behind her to catch on fire. Noticing a 16th-century dagger on a display shelf, Kat threw it directly into the flamethrower shaft. The android turned its arm back to normal, the dagger falling out as a melted heap while the arm repaired itself. Kat ran out the back door, making sure to go around the already-expanding flames. The android tried to follow, only for its path to be blocked by a falling support beam. “All outsiders must be eliminated.”

Nobody picked up a dropped gun, firing a blast of thaumaturgic energy at the apparent leader of the Chicago Spirit group. It missed, but the blast was enough to send him flying into a nearby wall. “Come on, fellas, let’s go! These two’re more trouble than they're worth!” The entire group of 10 ran out the alley, some having to carry their unconscious allies. “Yeah! You better run!” Marcus yelled after them. “Alright, so what’s next?” “We need to continue investigating your friend’s potential location. Of course, not having a car will make that much more difficult.” Marcus walked out of the alley, having noticed something on the ground. He knelt down to get a better look, turning it over to see the front. “Oh no.” He held it up to show it to Nobody, telling him, “This… this is Kat’s shirt. It looks like it was torn or burnt off. And on the pavement, that’s some of her blood.” Nobody examined the dried ink on the pavement. “It’s purple.” “Yeah, it’s kind of our thing. Our blood is ink.” “Yes, but purple?” “Well, it’s different colors. I have green, Kat has purple, there’s a whole bunch of them.” “Must make the forensic sciences very different in your dimension. Most humans just have red blood.” “Well, that’s all very well and good for most humans, but what about this?” He gestured to the burned shirt in his hand. “I’m sure there’s no cause for alarm-” “Oh. Yeah, of course. My best friend is wandering around an unfamiliar city full of complete strangers, shirtless, bleeding, and probably burnt. What if she got killed?” “Well, she could still be alive. After all, judging by the size and infrequency of the blood splatters, the bleeding couldn’t have been overly dangerous. Of course, the burn mark on the shirt is a cause for concern, but it clearly wasn’t enough to stop her from running.” “Alright, all we have to do is follow the trail of blood, and it should lead us directly to Katherine.” Marcus folded the shirt, putting it in his pocket. “Only problem is, which direction do we go in?” A second later, a building audibly collapsed a few hundred feet away, catching on fire. “That way.”

After a hundred feet of running away from the collapsed store, Katherine entered an abandoned alleyway. She saw a strange object, having apparently been dropped or left for whatever reason. Kat picked up the device, which vaguely resembled an hourglass. She turned it in her hands, watching the strange glowing blue substance move inside, until the entire device started glowing. She dropped the hourglass, though it continued to spin on the ground by its own power. After a few seconds, Kat could feel herself leaving the dimension. “Oh fu-” Before she could finish, she disappeared.

“Come on, we’re almost there!” Marcus called to Nobody behind him, as they ran towards the fire. The building was completely unrecognizable, and a humanoid shape was walking through the flames. When it emerged, it showed itself to be made entirely of metal. “You are foreign to Three Portlands. You will be eliminated in accordance with the Peregrine Series Humanoid Utility Droid prime directive.” “Must be one of the defectives they were talking about on the news. I’ll bet it has something to do with Kat’s shirt getting burnt off.” The android walked towards them, Nobody pulling a device out of his pocket. He shot it, firing a blast of electricity that short circuited the robot. It collapsed feet away from the building, looking unharmed despite no longer moving. “One of the Chicago Spirit thugs dropped it during our fight.” “Nice work, man.” Marcus looked at the robot, almost wondering if it had ever been active in the first place. “I hope Kat managed to get out of here. I mean, there had to have been some emergency exit.” “There’s no blood trail on this side of the building. If your friend did manage to evacuate, she would’ve gone out the back.” Nobody pointed out. “Okay, good idea.” A few minutes later, they came to the end of the blood trail, where a strange device lay on the ground. Nobody picked it up, looking closely at the thing. “I’ve never seen one of these before, but judging by its aesthetic and the strong residual interdimensional thaumaturgic energies I’m sensing right now, I’d say your friend has been transported to another alternate dimension.” “What? Where’d it send her?” “Sorry to say, I’ve no idea. I’d recommend you go to the Wanderer’s Library to investigate.” “Okay. You coming?” “No, I’ll stay in Three Portlands. Someone has to investigate the cause of the PSHUD malfunctions.” “Fair enough.” While Nobody walked away, Marcus drew the runes, speaking, “Magna bibliotheca ad centrum omnium, aperta tibi ad me.” He jumped through the Way, vaguely wondering if the man named Nobody had ever been there in the first place.

Lauren felt herself waking up, but something felt off. For whatever reason, she couldn’t move no matter how hard she tried. Opening her eyes, she looked around the room as best she could without being able to turn her head. Her mind wandered, recalling her fight with the chaos insurgency, and how she’d been jabbed with a needle in her arm that somehow prevented her from shapeshifting. She realized she hadn’t remembered that part until just now, as though her memories were starting to return. Looking in the corner of the room, she noticed a figure standing in the corner of the guest room she was sleeping in. Thinking it was Tyler, she tried to call over to him, only to be unable to move her mouth. The figure moved closer, revealing a suit of kevlar armor with a familiar red and black logo on the shoulder. Lauren tried to scream, but still couldn’t move her mouth. The Insurgency agent approached the bed, reaching out to touch her forehead. Lauren felt an invisible pressure on her chest, as memories started flooding back. The Insurgency had used an experimental device, effectively rewriting her brain-memories, emotions, thought processes, her entire personality-in order to make her comply with their demands. They’d only had time to send her on one operation before being freed by her fellow agents. They’d raided a hideout of some group called the Global Occult Coalition, apparently an organization dedicated to the eradication of anomalous phenomena altogether. She remembered battling alongside the Chaos Insurgency, and how she’d choked one of the GOC agents. It’d felt good, made her happy to see the light slowly leave his eyes. She tried to scream at the apparition in front of her that that hadn’t been her, that she wasn’t a killer, and that she regretted ever abandoning her friends now that they were separated across dimensions. After a few seconds, which felt like hours, the apparition disappeared, and Lauren sat up in a cold sweat. “I remember everything.” She whispered to herself, before screaming at the top of her lungs, “I remember everything!”


	52. innsmouth invasion

In the middle of the park, Tyler, Nate, Samantha, Margaret, and Eric sat at a bench, discussing recent events. “So, any plans for finances? I mean, it’s not like turf wars are going to be enough.” Nate asked. “We could do odd jobs. Y’know, do chores for other people all over town and get paid for them.” Sam suggested, noticing something off about her friend. “Hey Tyler, any reason why you look so worried?” “Oh, it’s Lauren. She woke up screaming this morning, and I could barely get her to talk. I think she might be starting to remember what happened with the Chaos Insurgency.” “Chaos Insurgency? You mean those guys who mind-controlled her a couple months back?” Margaret asked. “One and the same.” Tyler looked straight into the sky, noticing a streak of light falling towards the town. A few seconds later, something shook the park from a block away. “Woah! Guys, what was that?” Eric asked, startled. “Not sure, but we should probably investigate. Come on guys, who’s with me?” Tyler got up, trying to convince the others. “Well, my schedule’s open today.” Margaret answered, as the group got ready to leave the park.

“So, Goggles, you think your old friend can help us out with this one?” Eric asked as the group ran towards the unknown crash site. “I dunno. She didn’t seem like she was up for anything major this morning, and she probably doesn’t have experience with aliens.” “How do we know this thing’s an alien?” Margaret questioned. “It spontaneously fell out of the sky, and there weren’t any airplane or helicopter noises. I think we can make an educated guess.” Nate surmised. After a few minutes, they came across a downed spacecraft in the middle of a street. It looked like something completely alien, with shapes and colors that almost physically hurt to look at. It was smoldering, embedded in a massive 20-foot-wide crater. “Woah. it… it really is an alien.” Tyler whispered to himself as the team readied their weapons: Tyler’s splattershot, Nate’s inkbrush, Samantha’s charger, Margaret’s slosher, and Eric’s roller. Something in the spaceship opened, smoke billowing out to hide the figure inside. A massive shadow emerged, quickly jumping out at them. The group retreated backwards as a massive fist slammed into the pavement, leaving a crack in the road. The monster stood up to its full ten foot height. Its entire body was grey, the bulbous head was completely featureless, and 12 arms came out of each side. “What is that thing?” Margaret screamed. “Oh, I don’t know, let me just look it up- How are we supposed to know?! Come on, let’s take it down!” Tyler ran at the alien, shooting its chest with his splattershot. Before it could grab him, he dodged to the side. The thing swung its arms to the side, knocking him into the window of the nearby restaurant. Margaret rolled under the alien, swinging her slosher at its back. The alien grabbed her with one of its many hands, only for her to turn into a squid and slip out. While she fell to the ground, Eric threw his roller at the thing’s head, causing it to stumble forward. Tyler ran out of the restaurant, carrying an open 2-handled black pot. He tossed the pot, covering the alien in spicy curry. Its screech echoed in their minds as it tried to get the hot food off itself. It punched the ground with all 24 of its fists, causing massive cracks to appear in a circular radius around it. Samantha used the long-range potential of her charger to form a vertical ink trail on a nearby relatively medium sized house, allowing Eric to swim up the ink in his squid form. He jumped out at the top of the ink trail, swinging his roller at the alien’s head hard enough to send the monster stumbling backwards while the cylindrical head of the roller fell off the handle. Eric kicked the weapon head towards the invader, causing it to stumble almost imperceptibly before crushing the weapon underfoot. “Uh, well, guess I didn’t think that through.” Tyler jumped on top of the alien, punching it repeatedly in its blank face before kicking off its chest, throwing a splat bomb in midair. It exploded on the monster just as Tyler landed on the ground. Nate swung his inkbrush, knocking the thing's head to the side, while Eric loaded the handle of his broken roller into Samantha's charger. She shot the blunt object straight at the alien with the force of a rifle shot, knocking it over from the sheer impact. The creature screeched in their minds, leaving the five holding their heads in pain while the alien left in the opposite direction. “Come on! We have to stop that thing!” Nate called over to the others. “Then again, it is headed straight for the theater where they’re showing ‘fresh fish VIII: the last fish’, so maybe we don’t have to hurry.” “Come on!” Tyler ran in the direction of the alien, dragging Nate by the arm. After a few minutes, they came across the thing tossing a car into a store window, setting the small building on fire. “Bombs ready?” Eric pulled out a splat bomb, the others following suit. They tossed the explosives at the alien, knocking it back a foot. “It’s no good; we don’t have enough firepower to beat this thing!” Sam pointed out, as the beast was already recovering. “Unless… Nate! Let’s do the inkbrush thing like last time!” “What? Sam, that thing is way bigger than the chicken!” “You got a better idea?” “I- alright, you got me there.” He turned into a squid, perched on top of Samantha’s charger. She fired the weapon, Nate turning back into a humanoid in midair to swing his inkbrush directly into the extraterrestrial’s face. The weapon snapped in half while the alien barely reacted, tossing Nate into a wall hard enough to knock the breath out of him. “Dude, you alright?” Eric asked, helping him up. “Yeah, just, just let me, lemme catch my breath.” Eric had to push him out of the way as the alien jumped in front of them, slamming its fist onto the ground hard enough to send the front wall of the store crumbling on top of it. “Is… is it dead?” Tyler asked, stepping away from the rubble. “That size? I’m not getting my hopes up.” Eric answered. “We need a plan. Our weapons aren’t nearly enough to beat this thing.” Margaret added, as the rubble started to shift. “Wait, what if we tried fire?” Nate suggested. “You guys, give me your ink tanks. Margaret, you get a match or something to light a fire. Tyler, Sam, you two distract it. Rider, you come with me to the gas station. We’ll fill up the tanks with gasoline, then we’ll cover that monster in the stuff, and then we’ll set it on fire.” “That’s a pretty good plan.” Eric agreed. “I’ve got some matches and a lighter at my place.” Margaret added, as the alien emerged from the rubble pile. “Alright, guys, let’s do this!” Tyler yelled, throwing 5 splat bombs at the monster. Sam fired her charger, distracting the creature long enough for the others to toss their ink tanks over to Eric and Nate, who split off from the others along with Margaret. The alien grabbed Tyler, who turned into a squid to slip out of its hands repeatedly, landing on the pavement nearby while Sam jumped up to kick the beast in the chest. It took the charger out of her hands, effortlessly snapping it in half while tossing her away. Tyler jumped on top of the creature, shooting it on the head with his splattershot before hitting the alien’s head with the weapon. The alien grabbed him, easily pulling him off and tossing him several feet away. Tyler groaned, getting up from the pavement. “Guys! We got the gasoline!” Eric called over, carrying 5 small cylinders full of a viscous black substance. “Great! Here, hand ’em over!” Samantha held out her arms. “Actually, I thought we’d just empty the canisters onto the alien.” Nate explained, looking around. “Hey, where’s our firegirl?” A splat bomb exploded on the alien’s head, having seemingly come from out of nowhere before Margaret jumped up from directly behind it, putting her slosher on top of its head to vault over the creature, landing near the others. “Sorry I’m late. Traffic was killer.” “Traffic? You don’t even have a license.” Tyler pointed out. “Yeah, good thing too. I got the lighter and matchbox, I see you guys got the gasoline, let’s finish this already!” “You got it.” Nate ran up to the alien, emptying the canisters onto the ground. “Come on, you overgrown freak, over here!” He waved over to the creature, which started lumbering towards him. “Margaret, how’s it coming with that lighter?!” “Just a sec.” She fumbled with the matches, trying to get them out of the box while also holding the lighter. “C’mon, just gotta… ah, screw it.” She turned on the lighter, lighting the entire matchbox at once before tossing it into the gasoline puddle directly below the alien. The creature immediately came ablaze, screeching in their minds loud enough to bring them to their knees. After several seconds, the creature finally fell over, dead. “Hey, guys, we did it. We killed an alien!” Tyler celebrated. “Guys, guys!” someone else called over. The group turned around, still holding their heads, as Lauren ran around the corner. “Guys, I’ve been looking all over for you! I heard a crash, and I’ve been looking all over town since.” “Took you long enough.” Eric grinned, gesturing over to the corpse. “Wait, you guys managed to beat that thing without me?” She paused for a few seconds, looking between the alien and her friends. “That’s awesome!” “Well, ready to get back to our place?” Tyler asked. “Yeah, I mean, if there’s nothing left to do here.” She agreed, as the group started heading back. “By the way, I did some research. Turns out all that happened was sleep paralysis. Probably brought on by stress from starting to remember what happened while I was mind controlled.” “Alright, so what’s next?” “Well, I have to think for a while. I just found out what the Insurgency made me do, and I know it wasn’t me, but still.” “Alright, fair enough. You want to tell me?” “I… no, not right now. Maybe later, but I’m not ready to talk yet.” “Alright, just let me know when you are.” “Yeah, of course. By the way, nice work on the alien thing. How’d you do it?” “Well, Nate got the idea to cover it in gasoline and then set it on fire.” “Seriously? That’s brilliant. So, you think this alien is an isolated incident?” “Knowing our luck? Doubtful.” He explained. Lauren chuckled darkly as they came up to Tyler’s place.


	53. infiltration

Octavio entered the abandoned building on the northern border of the city, where he, the artist, the robot, and the girl had once operated out of for a short while. He had no idea where the artist and girl had gone after the battle 2 days ago, but he and the robot had been hiding out there ever since. “I assume you’ve failed once again to locate our enemy’s base of operations.” “Unfortunately, you’re right. But I don’t see you coming up with any bright ideas, tin can.” “That’s because you haven’t bothered to look, you overgrown pile of teriyaki. While you have been wasting your time, I created something new.” Tartar, now wearing a helmet that matched the rest of its mechanical form while protecting its head, pressed a button on the wall, causing it to slide away, revealing Tartar’s newest creation. “Brute force was no use against our enemies, though the removal of test subject 10,008 is an advantage. Therefore, we will annihilate them from within. Behold, project: double.”

After four of their group had left for Mars, the remaining 10 agents waited in the base for any report on the Sarkic Cults or Horizon Initiative. “I’m going to the plaza, see if I can find anything.” Ethan let the others know-Callie, Marie, Bright, Clef, Pearl, Kondraki, Trent, Sydney, and Madison. “Alright, have fun out there. Make sure to call us if anything happens; can’t be too careful after what happened the other day.” “Got it, cal.” As soon as he emerged aboveground, Ethan saw someone from across the plaza. “Yo, Kat, over here!” Hearing him call over, the agent ran up to him. “Dude, where’ve you been? Everyone’s been worried sick, we sent out three different search parties.” “Wait, really?” “Yeah, this is great. Come on, let’s get back to base. The others are going to be so happy that you’re back here safe. Or, well, as safe as you can be given our current position, but we’re working on that.” As he talked, he was grinning the entire time. By the time he was finished, they’d already made it to the base entrance. “C’mon, down here.” He gestured for her to follow as he went down the manhole into the hideout. Within seconds of the two coming back down, The entire room fell silent. Pearl was the first to speak up. “Kat! I can’t believe you’re back! Do you have any idea how worried we’ve been? Oh, thank goodness you’re alright. What happened? Where’d you end up? How’d you get back?” Katherine seemed to think for a moment, answering, “Honestly, everything after the portal is just a blur. As far as I remember, I was going through the portal one minute and the next I was in the plaza.” “Alright, fair enough. I have to call the others and tell them to call off the search.” She tried using the dimensional communicators, only to get no result. “Huh. That’s weird, almost like our interdimensional tech is on the fritz. Hopefully it passes. I mean, wouldn’t want to have to send out search parties for the search parties right?” “Oh, no, of course not. That’d just be silly.” Katherine answered, wandering around the base. “I’ll call our mars team and see how they’re doing with the Church of the Second Hytoth.” Dr Kondraki explained, only to complain seconds later, “What do you mean I can’t reach them?” “Well, they are in space. The reception up there is probably terrible.” Trent reminded him. “True, but foundation-issue communicators shouldn’t be affected by normal cell phone service. It’s almost like...like something’s jamming our signals.” He pointed at Katherine, yelling, “Something that appeared the minute she walked in here!” “Wait a second, that’s crazy!” She responded, stumbling backwards. “There’s no way I could betray you guys, you know me better than that!” “True.” Marie set off a warning shot with her charger. “But we also know that mind control is a thing.” Katherine started laughing, her voice growing progressively deeper until she sounded exactly like commander Tartar, her eyes glowing a deep, mechanical red. “You simple-minded little organism. I’m not under mind control. I’m something else entirely.” “Tartar. Let me guess: you transferred your consciousness into a robotic duplicate of Kat so we’d let you in, and then you could get all our secrets.” Madison surmised, before realising everyone was looking at her. “What? I watch a lot of sci-fi movies. I know how this works.” “You actually figured it out. No matter. All I need to do now is transfer the information I’ve gathered to my primary body, and then your downfall will be truly inevitable.” “Not happening. Bright, turn on the electromagnetic force field so it can’t send any signals!” Marie commanded. Bright pressed a button on the laptop, causing a field of electricity to appear all over the walls, floor, and ceiling of the base. “How clever. Except I can still leave this base and send the information from beyond the confines of this force field.” “You know, for a robot you’re really bad at math.” Kondraki stepped in front of the base exit. “There’s 10 of us, and only 1 of you.” “Perhaps. But quality is always more important than quantity.” Tartar shot a blast of lightning, shocking the entire small militia. “And I have more quality, more power, than you insignificant organics combined. I am Tartar. This world is now mine, and your lives are at an end.” “Maybe, but if you think we’ll cowardly surrender like a bunch of surrendering cowards then you’re somehow even dumber than we thought.” Sydney told the robot, as the entire group charged it at once. It turned into a squid, easily dodging behind them to kick Bright and Clef with one foot each, knocking them several feet forwards. Their guns fell out of their hands, allowing Tartar to fry them using its electric blasts. Callie tried to smash her roller into the doppelganger, only for Tartar to show no reaction to the strike. Instead, it grabbed the weapon, effortlessly tossing it into the wall. “You little...” She charged at the android, attempting to fight it hand-to-hand. It effortlessly blocked all her strikes, turning around to kick her in the face. Before she could fall to the ground, Tartar grabbed her arms, pulling them until she screamed in pain, her kicking having no effect on the machine. Marie charged at the android, jumping on it from behind. Surprised, Tartar released Callie, pulling Marie off its back to toss them both to the ground. “I won’t let you hurt my cousin, freak.” “Familial love. How touching. How ineffectual.” It fired a blast of plasma out of its palm at both of them, sending them temporarily airborne. Ethan, Trent, Sydney, and Madison tried firing their weapons to no avail. Tartar barely moved from the force of the combined attacks, otherwise showing no reaction. Ethan tossed his splatling gun, the biggest of their weapons, at Tartar, knocking it back a foot. “I will not be felled by one of your insignificant species.” It fired bolts of electricity at Ethan, causing him to scream in pain. The other three charged at the robot, only for it to fire blasts of plasma out of its palms. Knocked back by the attack, the S4 watched Pearl jump to try to kick Tartar. It dodged, grabbing her by the arm and tossing her into the wall. She tried to punch Tartar, who grabbed her fists and started crushing them. Immediately, Pearl turned into a squid to slip behind Tartar. While she tried to rub the pain out of her knuckles, Tartar turned around and kicked her in the back, knocking her to the ground. Right behind Tartar, the wall exploded, enveloping the duplicate in smoke. Tartar walked out of the smoke, followed by Octavio and several dozen octolings. “No, how… how is this possible? We set up the electromagnetic force field to block your signal. How did you figure out where we are?” Callie demanded of the enemy force invading their home. “Isn’t it obvious? I remotely sent the coordinates the second I was allowed into your headquarters. Now, your end is finally at hand.” The enemy octolings charged at the new squidbeak splatoon agents, engaging them in battle. Kondraki was the only one of the three foundation scientists who still had his firearm, though Bright and Clef managed to put up a fight by kicking and punching the enemy soldiers. Marie, Callie, and Pearl attempted to fight Tartar all at once, only for the robot to effortlessly knock them back using its electricity. Trent successfully fought off a small group of octolings using his dualies, rolling over to Madison as she struck another with her octoshot. “I can’t believe they found our base.” She muttered, as Ethan and Sydney joined their makeshift circle. “Yeah, well they’re going to wish they hadn’t.” Ethan responded, firing his splatling to knock out several octolings before striking three at once with the weapon. Nearby, Octavio walked over to Tartar, explaining, “The explosives are set. Let’s blow this place.” Overhearing the conversation, Kondraki warned the others, “Guys! They’re setting off explosives; we need to leave now!” Immediately, the group stopped their fighting, running for the exit while Tartar pressed a button on a remote control, igniting a series of explosions throughout the base. Octavio attempted to follow the agents as they fought their way outside, only for Tartar to hold him back. "What are you doing?!" "Isn't it obvious? I'm removing you from the equation." Tartar paralyzed Octavio by firing several bolts of electricity at him until the ceiling fell from directly above them.

Seconds after the group made it aboveground, they watched as their entire base collapsed, leaving a massive hole in the ground. “Guys, what… what just happened?” Trent asked, looking around at the rest of the group. “Come on.” Marie ordered. “Gramps is still at our place getting his old man rest. We need to tell him we’re moving to another headquarters.” “Right. I’ll call him.” Callie dialed her cell phone, getting a no signal message. “Damn it all! Okay, Tartar’s probably jamming our signals remotely from wherever he is. That means we can’t split up anymore unless absolutely necessary, so I’d suggest we all go and get our grandfather, and then we’ll figure out a new base of operations.” The others spoke their agreements, leaving the ruins.

In their new base, an abandoned arcade closed down for health code violations a decade ago, the 11 members of the new squidbeak splatoon set up a series of transport beacons so they could teleport back at a moment’s notice. “Obviously we can’t go after Tartar yet.” Marie told the group, assembled around several tables pushed together as a makeshift desk. “Not just because we don’t know where he is, but also because he knocked us around earlier.” “That’s hardly our only problem.” Craig added. “With no access to our phone lines, we can’t get any calls about new SCPs that show up. We’ll have to rely on news reports for any information on abnormal activity.” “Okay, then we need to wait until the others get back from Mars. Then, we can focus on what to do.” Kondraki recommended. “We should probably check the news anyway, just in case.” Pearl knocked the nearby TV remote a few times against the table, getting it to work. Turning on the TV, a news report appeared at a town called Calamari county. “Hey, dude, that’s where we grew up!” Callie nudged her cousin’s shoulder excitedly. They listened to the report, about sightings of cultists outside the town limits. The reporter held up a picture, showing a man with circular rows of teeth on his palms. Dr. Clef immediately turned the report off, not needing to see any more. “Well, the good news is the Sarkic Cults are here. The bad news is the Sarkic Cults are here.”


	54. bellerverse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I want to get this finished by the time school starts, so here's the last 11 chapters all at once

Tristan, Trevor, and Thomas Bailey stepped out of the portal from the Wanderer’s library into an expansive desert, which seemed to stretch on for eternity. “You know, one of these days we’re going to end up in the infinite bunny dimension.” Thomas complained. “I wouldn’t get your hopes up.” Tristan argued, “Those lagomorphs are surprisingly vicious.” “On the bright side, that little octopus girl should stand out like a sore thumb around here.” Trevor added, before spotting a figure in the distance. “Hey, maybe that guy can help us! Sir! Sir, over here! Hey, we need some help!” He waved his arms in the air, running over to get the stranger’s attention. Once he got coser, he looked at Trevor with a look of confusion and intrigue. He spoke in a language none of them recognized, so Tristan pulled out three devices from his pocket. “Put these on your heads. Dimensional translators; they’ll allow us to communicate.” The three placed the dime-sized diamond-shaped devices on their foreheads, so that the vocal patterns of the dimensional natives would alter in their heads to sound like english, while their own vocal patterns would change to sound like the native language of this dimension. “Apologies, could you repeat that?” Trevor requested. The stranger spoke again, this time perfectly clear. “Greetings. Who are you pale-skins?” The stranger didn’t sound hostile, rather curious and somewhat apprehensive. “Let me handle this guy.” Tristan stepped forward. “My name is Tristan. These are my brothers, Trevor and Thomas.” He held out his hand, the stranger taking it in his own. During the handshake, Tristan noticed the stranger had an additional thumb on the other side of his hand. “Those who know me call me Beller.” He explained. “Tell me, do you know of any wonders?” The brothers looked at each other briefly. “Uh, no, no I’m afraid not. At least, not around here.” Despite himself, Tristan couldn’t help but stare at the man’s extra thumb. He seemed to notice this, as he held up both hands to show he had an extra thumb on the other as well. “Curious? These are, well, I suppose you could call them a gift of some sort, from the Everman, some two years ago. Surely you’ve heard of the Everman.” “No, no, I’m afraid we haven’t.” Thomas admitted. Beller’s eyes grew wide as plates. “Really? You must be from a nearly unfathomable distance. Tell me, where are you from?” “I’m sorry, we don’t really remember where we came from.” Tristan lied. He figured these people didn’t have any knowledge of multiverse theory, so it would be easier to let them believe they were from this dimension. “Ah, fellow nomads. Always a pleasure to meet likewise travellers. I, for my own part, can’t even remember how long I have been wandering these deserts, searching for adventure and knowledge of the old world.” “Sorry, but I’m afraid we don’t know much about world history. Could you tell us of the old world, if it’s not too much trouble?” Tristan asked. Beller looked at him as though he were an idiot, and started to laugh. “You truly must be daft, then. Very well, let’s keep walking. I’d rather keep moving while we’re out in the open.” The triplets nodded, and the four started walking in an arbitrary direction. “Long ago, the old world was destroyed. Nobody quite agrees on how, but the world ended many a year ago. Now, I wander between the tribes and settlements, researching wonders-objects and creatures that defy all logic.” “Ah, right. Now I remember.” Tristan turned to his brothers, whispering, “Another post-apocalypse timeline. I’ve seen these before.” Trevor asked Beller, “Have you seen a little girl anywhere, about this tall-” He held his palm about halfway to his own height. “-purple hair, big eyes, oddly-shaped head?” Beller looked to think for a brief moment. “No, I regret to say that I haven’t. Even so, there are many places she could be. Perhaps I could help you search.” “Thank you, sir. I’m sure you’ll be of great help to us.” Thomas replied.

After what felt like a few hours, The bailey triplets and Beller encountered a cave, where they decided Katherine might have decided to hide out. Deep into the cave, they had found nothing but dark, damp rock, stalactites dripping water, stalagmites peppering the ground, and bats much bigger than they should’ve been. “I don’t think she’s in here, guys.” Tristan surmised, waving a bat with a 2-foot wingspan out of his face. “Agreed. Come, we should continue elsewhere.” Beller started back towards the cave entrance, but stopped in his tracks when he heard a deep, rumbling noise directly above him. “Cave beast.” He whispered, jumping out of the way of a falling stalactite. The cave ceiling came crashing down, along with it a titanic creature. It vaguely resembled a sort of mole, except large enough to easily crush a car or horse underfoot. On each of its front paws was a set of three six-foot claws, serrated and ending with razor-sharp points. The brown fur was matted and filthy, the eyes small and beady, and the nose constantly sniffing around the cave. After only a few seconds, it screeched at them, rearing up on its hind legs so its hunched over back scraped the unbroken part of the cave ceiling. “It’s blocking the entrance; we’ll need to kill it to get past!” Beller tensed his fingers, exposing a set of barbed hooks in the tips. “Another gift from the Everman.” He explained, jumping towards the cave beast. He raked his fingers across its chest, causing it to flinch back as it swiped its claws, knocking beller into the back wall. While he got up, the triplets unholstered their foundation-issue firearms, shooting at the creature’s face. It initially bellowed in pain before holding up its claws to block the shots. The creature stabbed its hand directly into the floor, forcing the Baileys to dodge to the side as it carved three massive cracks in the surface. “Anyone got an idea how to stop that thing?” Trevor asked no one in particular. In response, Beller jumped in the air, climbing onto the cave beast’s head to stab his finger needles into its eyes. The animal roared, clawing at its own head until Beller was forced to jump back down, the breath knocked out of him. “I only distracted it.” He gasped between breaths. “That thing doesn’t need its eyes; it’s other senses have been heightened by living in the dark of this cave.” The cave beast shrieked as gunshots sounded from behind it. “That sound...” Beller mused. “It’s the same as your weapons. I haven’t heard anything like it before today.” Apparently deciding they weren’t worth the trouble, the cave beast dug through the floor until it disappeared, leaving a massive pit in front of the group. They managed to walk around the edge to the other side, encountering a man and girl. The man looked to be somewhere in his fifties, wearing a dirty, sand-encrusted foundation uniform. The girl looked like she was in her early twenties, wearing dirty rags. Her lips had small holes in them, almost like they’d once been sewn shut. On her forehead, cheeks, and nose were the letters M, E, L, and A. “Who are you?” The man asked, holding his gun to them. “Hey, we don’t mean any harm!” Taking off his translator, Tristan approached the man. “We’re with the SCP foundation, same as you.” He showed the logo on his uniform, causing the other man to put his gun back in its holster. “So you are. Lieutenant Samson, at your service. To be honest, I thought I was the only one left.” “Well, sorry to say, you still might be.” Tristan touched his forehead to make sure Beller and the strange woman couldn’t understand him. “The three of us are from another dimension. We’re trying to find a colleague of ours, who was tossed into an interdimensional portal. Unfortunately, the portal was randomized, so we don’t actually know where in the multiverse she ended up.” “Oh.” Samson turned to his companion. “Mm-ee-ll-aa, can you give us a moment?” He spoke slowly, making gestures with his fingers, as though he were talking to a small child or, more accurately, someone who didn’t fluently speak contemporary english. Mm-ee-ll-aa nodded, moving outside to give them room. Still wearing his translator, Trevor turned to Beller. “Could you give the four of us a moment to ourselves?” “Very well.” He answered, not that Tristan or Samson could understand, before walking out of the cave. Once both Beller and Mm-ee-ll-aa were out of earshot, Tristan, Trevor, Thomas, and Samson stood in the middle of the cave, the triplets taking off their translators. Samson was the first to speak. “So, you three are from another dimension, huh? Guess that explains why your suits are so clean, and why they don’t look like mine aside from the logo.” “Yeah, but I got a question for you.” Thomas spoke up. “If you’re from this dimension like those two, how’re you able to speak our language?” “Simple. I was an agent working for the SCP foundation, until one thing led to another, the higher-ups decided human civilization was a lost cause, and they sent a lot of us into space with cryogenic freezing so we wouldn’t die of old age. I don’t remember the details, but that’s about the gist of it. A few thousand years later, I crashed in a settlement where I found Mm-ee-ll-aa. We got chased off by a gang of bandits, called themselves sons of Geyre. After we fought them off, we realized we’d gotten lost, and just started wandering around. We’ve been travelling for, I’d say, about ten or so years now.” “Ten years? Is that why you’re able to communicate with her?” Trevor asked, clearly shocked at how long they’d been wandering. “Yeah, pretty much. While we’ve been going around from place to place, I’ve been teaching her english as best I can, and in turn she’s taught me some of the new language.” “Very well. We should get back to the other two; the sooner we figure out whether or not Katherine’s in this dimension the better.” Thomas decided. “Good plan. I’m guessing Katherine’s the colleague you lost?” “Yeah, the same.” Tristan answered, standing up. “Come on, I think we’re all caught up. Maybe Beller and Mm-ee-ll-aa have already started hitting it off.” “Wait, Beller? As in the Beller?” “Yeah, you’ve heard of him?” Thomas asked. “According to Mm-ee-ll-aa, he’s something of a legend. A living myth. I’d thought he was a folktale.” “Come on, let’s get back to our living myth.” Trevor got up, the four leaving the cave and putting on their translators, Tristan tossing one to Samson as well. Outside, Beller was evidently telling Mm-ee-ll-aa a story of his travels. “And that, my young friend, is how I used a giant lizard’s femur bone and a pot of honey to escape an ancient temple basement inhabited by a race of dog-men.” “Alright, you two, we’re ready to get going.” Samson told them. “It’s been an honor meeting you in person, Beller. I can’t remember how many legends I’ve heard about you.” “Ah, I suppose my reputation might just proceed me. Now come, we should help these three find their lost companion.” “Yes, sir. In my village, I remember there were stories about an oasis. It was said to have mystical properties; anyone from beyond the surrounding desert would be instinctively drawn to it. If your friend has managed to survive, then she should be there. Sadly, I can't remember where it is." Beller seemed to perk up a little. “I’ve heard tell of the wanderer’s oasis. From what I remember, it should be a few hours’ walk in the direction the sun sets. If we start now and keep a steady pace, we should arrive by nightfall.” The six of them started toward the direction of the oasis.

An hour or so after they started walking, the group came across a river about 20 feet wide. It stretched for miles in either direction, so going around wasn’t an option. “We need to get across this river. You were right, I can feel something pulling me in the direction we’ve been going, like I have a natural inclination to go there.” Samson confirmed, looking around for materials. “We need to find some way across.” While he was talking, Beller took a branch that had fallen off a nearby tree, sticking it as deep as he could into the water. After a few seconds, he pulled out the branch, holding it straight up. Everything up to his collarbone was soaked, but above that the stick was bone-dry. “We should be able to wade across, provided the depth remains constant all the way across. We ought to go single file; I’ll lead the way by poking the stick in front of me. If the water gets too deep, we can simply move to another spot in the river. Failing that, we’ll return here and think of a different course.” “Wait, why can’t we just swim across?” Thomas asked. “I lived in a desert my whole life. I’ve no idea how to swim.” Mm-ee-ll-aa admitted. “Alright, good answer. Let’s go with Beller’s plan then.” The others fell in line behind Beller as he waded into the water, stick poking the river floor in front of him. About halfway between the two sides of the riverbank, Mm-ee-ll-aa looked to the side, noticing something heading towards them while hiding under the water. “Watch out; something in the water!” She held out her arms to signal the group to stop moving. The water gave way, a creature bursting out of it. It vaguely resembled a giant otter, with curved fangs forming a massive overbite and slick, damp brown fur. Its front paws were webbed for swimming through the water, and its eyes and nostrils were on the top of its snout to breath and see even while the rest of it was completely submerged. “Bunyip!” Mm-ee-ll-aa tried to jump backwards, only to fall into the water. “She can’t swim. I’ll go down there and help her, you four deal with the bunyip.” Before he could get a response, Samson dove under the water while the bunyip lunged towards them. Beller jumped at the monster, raking his finger hooks across its throat as he hung on to the fur, using the hooks to keep a hold where others would find it much too slippery. The fur was thick enough to negate any real damage, but the creature turned its head from side to side to shake the unwanted weight. Beller climbed the Bunyip, managing to jump onto its head. He stabbed it in the eye, causing the bunyip to bellow in pain. “Now, you three, do something!” While the Bailey triplets pulled out their firearms to shoot at the bunyip’s throat and stomach, Samson breached the surface. Mm-ee-ll-aa was coughing and sputtering water as she was dragged up by the arms, but was otherwise alive. The bunyip turned around, exposing its massive paddle-shaped tail to the surface to knock Thomas, Trevor, Tristan, Samson, and Mm-ee-ll-aa out into the other side of the riverbank. Beller jumped off the bunyip’s head, landing near the rest of the party. “We should retreat. Bunyips can’t survive long out of water, so it won’t follow us.” He explained, leading the group away from the infested river. 

Hours after the bunyip encounter, the group had encountered nothing more dangerous than a few scattered dingoes, which, while larger than normal, didn’t provide quite the same excitement or challenge as the river beast had. Just as the Beller had predicted, there was an oasis in the middle of the desert. The water itself was bigger than a pond, but smaller than a lake, with trees growing in various places around it. There was also a distinct lack of octoling. “Maybe she’s hiding.” Tristan suggested, calling out, “Hey! Hey kid! Katherine! It’s us, the baileys! You here!? C’mon, we’re here to rescue you! This is a rescue mission! Katherine! If you can hear me, answer me!” He waited a full minute with no response. “Guys, I don’t think she’s here.” “That is very unfortunate.” Beller looked like he wanted to console them for the loss of their friend, but had spent far too long wandering by himself. “That’s alright; could the three of you just...” He trailed off, gesturing that he wanted them left alone. “Of course.” Beller nodded, leading Samson and Mm-ee-ll-aa away from the triplets. “Okay, so we’ve got three possibilities. Either Kat’s in this dimension and hasn’t made it here yet, or she got killed, or we’re barking up the wrong tree altogether.” Trevor summarized. Thomas added, “Let’s be cautiously optimistic assume for the time being she’s still alive. I say we wait until morning, and if she’s still not here, we’ll try another universe.” “Good idea, but what about those guys?” Tristan pointed over to their travelling companions. “They’ve only known this world their whole lives, so imagine what might happen if they found out there were other universes.” “well, we’ll just have to wake up and get back to the Wanderer’s Library before they’re even awake.” Thomas decided. His brothers agreed; it wasn’t a great plan, but it was still a plan.


	55. lord blackwood and the octoling encounter of 1884

“-nk n’ wagnell.” Kat finished as she reconstituted in an unfamiliar location. Looking around, it appeared to be a wooden boat, simple enough to be comfortably maintained by a crew of only a few people while big enough to sustain a fairly long trip. No one was visible from where Katherine stood, but there was something in the middle of the boat blocking her view. Given the water moving behind her, Kat surmised that she was at the back of the boat, and the thing blocking her view was some sort of indoor living quarters. She then realized the inherent danger of an octoling such as herself being on a boat in the middle of the open ocean, hastily backing up away from the edge. “Okay, okay Kat. Easy.” She whispered to herself, trying to keep from panicking. “If this is another dimension, maybe the laws of physics are different.” She got an idea, using her finger to scrape a little bit of blood off her arm-she was still bleeding from her encounter with the android, though most of her cuts had scabbed over by now. Her fingertip covered in a splotch of purple ink-blood, she waved her hand over the edge of the boat until it fell off. After only a few seconds, the blood landed in the water a few feet below her. It sizzled and dissolved, leaving nothing but a bit of purple in the water that immediately disappeared. “Okay, nope, still dangerous.” She whispered, slowly backing up until she bumped into the structure in the middle of the boat. A man came around the corner, probably investigating the noise. “What in the queen’s name are you doing here!?” He yelled, picking her up by the arm. “I am lord Theodore Thomas Blackwood, greatest explorer and naturalist of the british empire. How did you get on my ship?” Instead of answering, Kat kicked him in the stomach so he’d release his grip, allowing her to drop to the ground. Looking at him, she remembered something. “Wait a second, you’re lord Blackwood? Dude, last time I saw you, you were a slug!” “I beg your pardon?” A door opened on the other side of the structure, a man in a tuxedo coming around the corner carrying a small plate with two cups on it. “Afternoon tea-” He dropped the plate, letting it and its contents shatter on the ship’s deck. “I’m sorry sir, I seem to be interrupting something.” “No, it’s quite alright, mr. Deeds. I was merely inquiring how this bleeding, shirtless young hellion got onto our boat. Did you swim here?” “No, no, I- I’m from another dimension!” She blurted, unable to think of an excuse. “Really, now? How intriguing. Do tell.” “Wait a second, you actually believe me? Just like that?” “Well now, I have had experience with worlds beyond this one. There’s also the matter of you suddenly appearing here with no distinguishable method of transportation. Now then, with that settled, why are you so disheveled? Did you get into a skirmish before coming here?” “Well, I, yeah, actually. My shirt got burnt off by a psychotic android.” “An android? Pray tell, what is an android? Is that an animal native to your dimension? Could you describe it for me?” He turned to his butler. “Mr. deeds, kindly fetch my notebook so I may sketch an android.” “Oh, that won’t be necessary. An android’s not an animal; it’s more like a machine. It kind of looked like a human, but it was all silver and chrome.” “Fascinating, truly fascinating.” “Hey, I got a question. What year is it right now?” “Why it’s 1884, of course. Tell me, what year was it in your plane of existence?” “2020. So that must mean I’ve time travelled...” She thought for a moment until the butler-mr. Deeds-interrupted. “Approximately 136 years, young lady. I suppose, therefore, it makes sense you would be familiar with greatly advanced technology.” “Yeah, I suppose that makes sense. It also explains why Blackwood’s not a slug. Whatever happened to transform him must not have happened yet. Wait, if you two have been to other dimensions, could you help me get to my own?” “Well now, only I have been beyond this realm. As my butler, mr. Deeds generally stays out of the fray of my excursions.” Blackwood replied, continuing, “As an aside, should you not have come here with some method of transportation back to your own world?” “Well, in my defense, I didn’t exactly plan on coming here. It’s a long story involving an evil magic artist, my friend’s crazy ex, and a randomized interdimensional portal. I’m sure you can fill in the blanks yourselves.” Blackwood and Deeds exchanged a look that made it abundantly clear they had no idea what she was talking about. "Very well. Regardless of how you got here, I believe we may have some method of returning you home. Follow me." Before continuing, he appeared to remember something. "Mr. Deeds, would you be so kind as to aid our hapless guest in cleaning her wounds?" “Hapless?” Katherine snapped defensively. “Who are you calling hapless? I’ll have you know I am very hapful. I’m practically made of hap!” “Be that as it may, you seem to be badly hurt.” “I… yeah, no argument here.” Katherine admitted, scratching at a scab on her arm until a bit of blood started trickling down. “We have first aid supplies in the cabin. After that, we can discuss our plans going forth.” Deeds explained. “Alright then.”

By the time half of Katherine’s body was covered in gauze and bandages, she and lord Blackwood stood in front of a map propped in front of a desk in the downstairs cabin while mr. Deeds took over the job of steering the boat. “I have heard rumours of an island off the coast of Ireland, named Hy-Brasil.” He pointed to a spot on the map to the west of Ireland, which didn’t show anything but water. “Legends say the island is unreachable by normal means. However, I believe I may have discovered a method by which we may reach the isle.” “Okay, this is all very fascinating, but just one question.” Katherine started. “What exactly does this have to do with getting me back home?” Blackwood explained, “Hy-Brasil is said by some to be far more technologically and magically advanced than the rest of the known world. With any luck, we should be able to find some method to get you back home.” “Alright, good plan. Except, what if we don’t find anything there? What if Hy-Brasil really doesn’t exist and we’re just going off on a wild goose chase?” “It is of no concern, child. I am lord Theodore Thomas Blackwood, the seventh viscount of westminster, the gentleman’s gentleman and the naturalist’s naturalist! I have explored worlds beyond the skies, discovered a tribe of bigfoot across the ocean, escaped the land of the unclean, battled the tarasque in France and lived to tell the tale, and embarked on dozens of adventures worldwide in pursuit of knowledge both scientific and fantastical. I would not dare attempt a journey to Hy-Brasil had I not collected enough reputable sources to be absolutely certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that it exists.” “Well, you do seem to be really enthusiastic about this. Okay, I’ll come with you to Hy-Brasil. But, how do we get there?” “It’s quite simple, really.” He pointed to a spot on the west coast of the emerald isle. "Here, we will find the cave of cuimhní cinn. In that cave, I have reason to believe we will find what we need to gain entry into Hy-Brasil. Normally, Hy-Brasil would only be accessible one day every seven years, but the artifact in the cave will allow us to enter at any time we wish." “That’s convenient.” Katherine nodded, hoping she looked smart. “So all we have to do is get to the cave, grab whatever’s inside, use it to get to Hy-Brasil, and figure out a way to get me back to my home dimension. Sounds simple enough. How far are we from the cave?” “Well now, given our current position, the water currents, wind speeds, and the general condition of our vessel...” Blackwood pulled out a protractor, compass, and a variety of other devices, moving them around in his hands and on the map for a few seconds before finishing, “We should reach the cave of Cuimhní cinn in no more than 8 hours. In the meantime, I would recommend you get a proper sleep. I only expected to need one sleeping quarter, so that myself and mr. Deeds might take shifts steering the ship at night, though fortunately for you the ship happened to already have two quarters built into it before I purchased it some time ago. Do not worry yourself over the upkeep; I could hardly call myself a gentleman if I failed to mind the appearance of my entire vessel.” “Thanks, Blackwood.” "Pay it no mind, child. I never turn down an opportunity to help one in need of aid. Now, I imagine you will want to get to rest before we reach the cave." Kat nodded, Blackwood leading her below decks where the sleeping quarters were located. After blowing out the lantern keeping the room lit, the teenager tried to fall asleep. The bed was nice enough, but her bandages made it hard to get comfortable. She was exhausted from the fiasco in Three Portlands, however, and managed to fall unconscious in a half hour.

After what felt like only 5 minutes of sleep, Katherine was woken up by the sound of someone knocking on the door to the spare sleeping quarters. “Gah...wah...who?” She mumbled, falling out of the bed. “It’s mr. Deeds, lord Blackwood’s butler. He requested I wake you up and inform you we’ve reached our destination.” She took a few seconds to process what he’d said, rubbing the gunk out of her eyes. “Huh… oh, oh right, the cave of...eh...y’know...that thing.” She got up, opening the door. Above deck, lord Blackwood was already prepared for the expedition. “I presume you remember our stratagem?” “Yeah, we just have to enter the cave and find what we need to get to Hy-Brasil. By the way, name’s Katherine.” She added, remembering she’d never given her name. “Good to know. Mr. Deeds, mind the ship while we’re gone.” “But of course, sir.” Deeds took a rope ladder piled up in the cabin, unfurling it off the side of the boat before tying it around two stakes on the top. “Your exit is prepared.” “Thanks man. Don’t worry, we’ll be fine.” “I hold no doubt. Although, you appear to have forgotten my name. I am mr. Deeds, not ‘man’.” “Oh, right, right of course.”

Once Blackwood and Katherine reached the bottom of the ladder, they came into an alcove with a sheer cliff face on three sides and the Atlantic ocean with the boat on the other. At the back of the alcove was a large cave entrance, leading downwards until it was too dark to see. “Are you ready, Katherine, to enter the cave of cuimhní cinn?” “More ready than I am to try to pronounce it.” She admitted as the two entered the cave. After only a few minutes, the cave became too dark to see more than a few feet in front of them. “Man, I wish my tentacles would glow.” “Tentacles?” “Yeah, well, they’re actually my hair. I’m an octoling, but some of my friends are inklings. Their tentacles glow in the dark, but us octolings don’t have that ability. Which, come to think of it, is really ironic considering our species were the ones who spent a century underground, but I digress.” “Fascinating. You mean to tell me your dimension is inhabited by a human-like species capable of producing their own light?” “Yeah, I think my friend Marcus-he’s an inkling-called it ‘bioluminescence’.” “I don’t believe I’ve heard of any such term. I suppose that’s because of you being from a later era, though the etymology makes sense: biological luminescence.” Kat chuckled to herself. “Yeah, I tried asking my octoling friend Marina about it, but she’s an engineer and not a biologist, so she didn’t really understand it any more than I did. From what I’ve gathered, it’s some sort of chemical reaction that happens when there’s not enough light to see otherwise.” “That makes sense. Though, as interesting as this all is, we still need light.” “Okay, well, I don’t have any. You?” Katherine turned to the naturalist. “Of course.” He took two rocks from nearby, striking them together over a stick until sparks flew out from between them, lighting the end of the stick ablaze. Blackwood picked up the stick, leaving a trail of embers behind. “Ladies first.” He suggested, handing the torch over to Katherine. “So, you’re just going to give a stick you set on fire to a child you met yesterday, in a cave you’ve never entered? Aren’t you the naturalist here?” “Of course, which is why I’ll be carrying the rest of the equipment.” He explained, holding up a satchel hanging on his shoulder. “Alright, fair enough.” Katherine turned around, leading the way down the cave. Water dripped from stalactites on the ceiling, bats flew overhead, and other creatures, too small and fast to identify, scurried away from the light into the darkness they were much more accustomed to. After a few minutes, the cave started narrowing, the ceiling gradually getting lower and lower. “We’ll have to crawl single file for a while. Hopefully the cavern will widen out before long, though for now I’d recommend holding the torch in your mouth. I assure you, it’s not quite as unpleasant as one might expect.” “Got it.” Katherine placed the torch horizontally in her mouth, stabbing it with her small triangular fangs-one on the bottom right and the other on the top left-to get a better grip. While moving through the tunnel, she occasionally had to turn her head to get better light, but otherwise ran into no notable obstacles. After what felt like hours of crawling through the cramped space, the rough stone ceiling practically stabbing at her back in some places, her limbs pushed against her torso, and having to breathe through a stick in her mouth, Katherine started to consider using her octopus form to get through easier. Of course, it would never work-she’d have to drop the torch on the floor, which was more than damp enough to put it out in a second or two. Fortunately, the cave floor was only damp, not wet enough for the water to actually start dissolving her skin. That meant she had no choice but to keep crawling through the tunnel, her limbs and back in constant pain. By the time the tunnel widened out, she found it almost difficult to stand back up, spitting out the torch into her hand while trying to steady herself. “Geeze...” She gasped out. “That’s the last time I stick a piece of wood into my mouth.” Behind her, Blackwood stood up after exiting the tunnel. He looked pained, but also strangely calm, as though he’d done this sort of thing plenty before. “Well now, that was thoroughly unpleasant.” He looked around, aided by Katherine waving the torch in front of her. Of particular notice was the two branching pathways. They were right next to each other, but clearly led in different directions with no indications that they might at any time intersect. “I suppose we will have to choose which path we take.” Blackwood suggested. “Alright. I guess splitting up’s not really a viable option here, considering we only have one torch.” Before Katherine could think of anything, the entire cave seemed to shake. “What’s going on?” Kat yelled, trying to stabilize the torch as the flame shook from the vibrations. “It must be an earthquake!” A boulder fell from the ceiling, landing directly behind the two and forcing them into the tunnels.”The cave-it’s collapsing!” Blackwood exclaimed before being cut off as the entrance to his branch of the tunnel collapsed in front of him, leaving him in complete darkness. He felt around in his satchel until he found another stick, which he kept on him in case of situations like this. He stuck the wood in between two of the boulders blocking his escape the way he came, feeling around the cave floor until he found two sharp pebbles. He struck the pebbles against each other, now made difficult by being functionally blind, until a spark finally flew from them, creating a new torch. Grinning, the adventurer closed his satchel before taking the torch out from between the boulders. “Right then. I suppose there’s nothing left to do but go forth.”

The initial boulder left Katherine sprawled out on her back in the entrance to the tunnel next to the one lord Blackwood had fallen into. During her fall, she’d accidentally let go of her torch, though it remained lit just feet away as the ground it landed on was perfectly dry. The last thing she heard Blackwood shout was something about the cave collapsing before the entrance to her tunnel fell on top of her. Too winded to get up in time, she screamed at the top of her lungs as several boulders crashed onto her legs, sending nearly unimaginable pain through her entire body while simultaneously blocking off her exit. Barely able to think, she tried grabbing the torch, only to find it just a few inches out of reach. All that happened when she tried stretching her arm was that the pain became too unbearable to even scream, insead reducing her voice to a hoarse croak. She somehow managed to sit up, placing her palms onto the boulders while her legs remained immobilized. “Help!” She croaked out, trying to catch her breath enough to scream. “Blackwood! Help me! Marcus, Lauren, anyone! I don’t care who it is, someone please just help me! I’d settle for David; I need help!” She started to sob in despair as she punched the boulders nearest to her repeatedly, until they were stained with purple ink-blood. While trying to rub her knuckles clean, she realized her only option was to shapeshift. Normally, shifting into octopus form would be as easy as blinking, but with so much pain it would be infinitely more difficult. Katherine tried to think through the pain, concentrate on the feeling of turning. She focused on the feeling of shrinking and turning into another form, and on the image of her hair turning into tentacles while the rest of her turned entirely purple. She kept focusing on these images, taking deep breaths to try to get past the red-hot fire in her legs, until she finally felt something give way. After a brief second, she turned back into her humanoid form, still lying on the ground, except now on her stomach rather than back. She grabbed the torch, standing up. As an octoling, she didn’t have any bones to break, so she could still walk. Even so, she still had difficulties, slowly struggling to stand upright until she managed to use the cave wall as a handhold. “Okay, okay, I got the torch, just need to… to go forward, yeah, yeah that’s it.” She started walking down the tunnel, using the torch to light her way. As she continued, time seemed to lose all meaning. There wasn’t really anything notable in the cave, which only served to make it creepier. After some time of this, Katherine came into a larger space, with the walls forming a circle around a space that was mostly flat rock, save for a few scattered stalagmites. She couldn’t quite guess the actual size of the chamber, nor the shape of the ceiling, since the torch’s light didn’t reach that far. Once she was inside the chamber, Kat heard a familiar laugh that made her skin crawl. As she held her torch in front of her, she saw the shape, and then face, of Octavio approaching her.

“What… what the hell are you...how did you even get here?” Octavio didn’t answer, instead moving to grab her. Kat jumped backwards out of the way, instinctively throwing the torch at his face. Octavio didn’t scream or make any noise, just flailing around silently, trying to get the flames off of him. Kat jumped on top of his back, trying to kick him in the back. Octavio grabbed her by the arm, throwing her over his head until she landed on her back on the hard stone, less than an inch away from a stalagmite. Kat rolled out of the way before Octavio could stomp on her stomach, hurriedly standing back up. “Wait a sec, Octavio would be gloating right now. You’ve gotta be some kind of, I dunno hallucination or magicky thingy.” She managed to dodge all of her opponent’s strikes, as the fire on his face made him somewhat visible, though it would only be a few seconds before it went out. Once it did, Octavio easily grabbed Katherine and slammed her into the cave wall, now unable to see his face despite knowing it was right in front of her. While she was held up onto the wall of the cave, she blindly kicked at her enemy. She managed to hit her mark, being dropped onto the floor. She rolled away, fortunately not hitting any stalagmites. Unable to see anything, she could only throw out aimless kicks and punches while the Octavio hallucination struck her again and again. After getting what felt like a knee in her stomach, Katherine decided that even if it was just a hallucination, she was still in real danger. Octavio wasn’t making any discernible noise, so tracking him by sound wasn’t a viable option. A light appeared nearby as lord Blackwood appeared, carrying what Katherine could only guess was a newly-created torch. “Katherine? Pray tell, what is going on here?” “Octavio.” She breathed out, running over next to him to get into the torch’s light. “He’s one of my enemies from my home dimension. He’s tried to kill me a bunch of times, but this is just a hallucination, or something created by the cave.” “Do not worry, I might have something in my satchel. You hold the torch, and I’ll look.” He gave her the torch, opening the bag. “Okay, but I think he might be coming closer.” “Ah, here it is.” Blackwood grabbed a 6-inch dagger out of the case, stabbing it into the torch so it caught on fire. He ran towards Octavio, using the flaming dagger to see in front of him. He managed to dodge all of the opponent’s strikes before using an opening to plunge the flaming dagger where the heart should have been. Octavio caught fire, burning up until not even an ash pile remained. “Good.” Blackwood used the light of the torch to find his way back to Katherine, placing the now-extinguished dagger into his satchel. “Good? Dude, that was amazing! I mean, a flaming dagger? You’ve done this before, haven’t you?” “Of course I have. Though, my name is Blackwood, not ‘dude’. I don’t believe anyone’s ever called me that before.” “Alright, did you find what we need to get to that island?” “No, and if you didn’t, that must mean we have to look in here.” He walked around the cave, seeing by the light of the torch while Katherine felt around the floor of the cave. “Hey, what’s this? Oh, wait, just a rat.” She remarked, as something squeaked and scurried away. “Should probably get that checked if I survive this.” When she looked over to Blackwood, she saw a glint in the light. “Hey, wait a sec!” She hurried over, picking up a golden key, about the size of her thumb. “Ah, good work, my new companion!” “Thanks. Just one question, though: why did the cave make me fight octavio of all things?” “Well now, Cuimhní cinn is irish for memories. Therefore, this place’s name would translate to ‘cave of memories’.” “Alright, that makes sense. Wait, why did you wait until now to tell me this?” “I didn’t think it was that important.” “Alright, now our next step is getting out of here. The exit to my branch of the tunnel was blocked off, so we can’t go through there. You?” “I’m afraid mine did as well. Fortunately, there appears to be a tunnel at the back of this cavern. I sighted it while searching for the key.” “Okay, good. Let’s go through there and hope for the best.”

Katherine and Blackwood didn’t run into any notable obstacles through the tunnel, but it was incredibly, mind-numbingly boring for how monotonous and uneventful it was. Minutes turned to hours turned to days turned to weeks turned to years. After what felt like an eternity, they finally saw light, rushing toward it. “Oh, finally! We’re finally out of there!” Kat celebrated the blue skies and green plains, looking out over the nearby cliff face about a hundred feet away. Below them was the same alcove they had entered through, the already fairly small boat looking about the size of a postage stamp. “Okay, now how do we get down there?” “I believe I have some climbing gear in my satchel. I always carry around a spare, just in case I need it.” He took some ropes and harnesses, preparing himself before helping Katherine do the same. “Thanks, but I think it’s a bit loose on me.” “Well, my apologies, but I made it as tight as possible. Might it have something to do with you being a child?” “I could maybe see a tangential connection.” Listening to the more experienced mountaineer’s instructions, Kat managed to rappel down the cliff face. It was strange, having nothing but the rope harness holding her up while she faced straight upwards, occasionally glancing downwards before having to resist the temptation to vomit from vertigo. After a half hour of climbing down, they managed to finally reach the ground below, placing the gear back into the satchel before getting back onto the ship. “I take it the excursion was successful?” Mr. Deeds greeted them. “Indubitably, my good man. Now, are we all ready to embark on the journey to Hy-Brasil?” “You kidding?” Kat yelled, grinning. “After what happened in that freaky cave, I’m ready for anything! Come on, you two! Let’s solve some mysteries! Rewrite some history!” “I don’t know about that, but we will be making our way to Hy-Brasil.” Deeds replied, preparing for departure.

After 24 hours out at sea with no incidents worth speaking of, the three made it to a place in the ocean where they could see nothing but mist. Even the boat itself appeared to be covered in fog. “We must be near the island. Katherine, do you have the key?” “Of course.” She pulled the key out of her pocket, careful not to drop it below the fog. “Good. Now give it to me so that I may recite the incantation.” Katherine handed the key to Blackwood, who held it straight up in the air, shouting, “an oileán na Hy-Brasil, a nochtann tú féin agus bronn orainn an pasáiste sábháilte!” The key glowed with a blinding golden light, clearing away the fog. “Land ho!” Deeds called out, pointing towards a newly revealed island a hundred miles off. “What’d you just call me?” Katherine asked, blinking from being so close to the glow. “Mr. Deeds, set sail straight for Hy-Brasil. Then, I want you to come with us onto the island.” “Very well, sir. I think a while off this boat might do me some good.” After they got off onto the island, they looked around at the bustling city. It wasn’t quite as elaborate as Three Portlands, but still massive-somewhere between Inkopolis and Three Portlands. “Right. Now the three of us will search for a method to return Katherine to her home dimension, while I take notes for my journal.” Blackwood instructed. “Speak for yourselves.” Kat replied. “Ever try wearing bandages for a day or two in this weather? Not fun. I’m going to a clothes store first, and then I’ll help you guys search for the interdimensional thingy.” “Fair enough, I suppose. If lord Blackwood will be focused on his journal and you’ll be focused on your comfort, I suppose that leaves the brunt of the search up to me. I must admit, I always wanted to be involved in these adventures.” “Live the dream, buddy.” Katherine remarked, reaching up to touch his shoulder before they split up.

While trying to find the clothes section of the store, Katherine started to remember her first few days at Inkopolis, after the Deepsea Metro. One of the first things the other members of the new squidbeak splatoon had done was take her clothes shopping-apparently the leather suit she’d been wearing in the metro wasn’t considered suitable for everyday wear. Unfortunately, they’d neglected to tell her the surface had changing rooms, one thing led to another, and she’d had to put in a week of community service for what was apparently considered ‘public indecency’ and ‘a felony’. By the time she’d found something that actually fit her, she was headed for the cash register when she heard a voice behind her saying, “Well. Fancy seeing you here. Honestly, I thought you’d died after getting tossed through that portal.” Kat wheeled around, facing a girl about the same size as her, half her face a burnt, blackened wreck. “Taylor! What are you doing here?” “Getting some polish for my inkbrush.” The maimed inkling explained, holding up a bottle of some liquid. “But more importantly...” She lunged at Katherine, knocking them both onto the ground. Kat turned into an octopus, standing up to kick Taylor in the back. Taylor stood up, trying to slice at Kat’s throat with the side of her palm. She spun backwards out of the way, using the opening to punch Taylor in the stomach. She ran back towards the cash register, Taylor jumping to kick her down. She landed in front of the plexiglass front door, Taylor trying to claw at her face. “Hey!” The cashier yelled at them, causing the two to stop fighting and look at him. “You two gonna pay for those, or what?” “Oh, right. Taylor, you, uh, I mean, real quick.” “Yeah, yeah.” While waiting for the cashier to scan their things, Taylor briefly flashed a Bras d'honneur. Katherine looked at her, asking, “Why did you...” “Oh believe me, that means something really different around here.” “Oh, how mature.” After the two girls paid for their items, Taylor immediately decked Katherine in the face, grabbing her by the shoulders and pushing her outside into the street. Katherine kicked Taylor in the stomach, grabbing her arms to throw her onto the ground. Taylor placed her palms onto the ground in order to stand up, jumping backwards and brandishing her ink brush. She waved it in front of her, forcing Kat to distance herself about 5 feet away before Taylor loaded the plasma cannon function on her inkbrush. She shot at Kat, who turned into an octopus for a half second to allow the blast to pass overhead. “What’re you trying to kill me for? I thought Marcus was the one you had a grudge against!” “Exactly!” Taylor snapped. “I hate Marcus, and you’re one of his best friends! You do the math!” She shot another blast of plasma, Katherine jumping over the resulting explosion to get closer to Taylor. Taylor turned the inkbrush around, hitting Kat’s eye with the blunt metal end of the weapon. Knocked onto the ground, she tried to regain her vision while Taylor charged another shot. “Excuse me, am I interrupting something here?” Taylor turned around, firing her weapon at someone behind her. He managed to dodge the blast, running over to help Katherine up. “What the- Marcus? What’re you doing here?” “Looking for you. Course, I wasn’t expecting to find her here.” He aimed his splatling, firing it at Taylor. She rolled to the side, avoiding the blast entirely. “The baileys and serpent’s hand guys split up into two other search parties after you fell through that portal. Once we finish up with Taylor, I’ll call them up and we can get back to Inkopolis.” Two portals opened behind them, Thomas, Trevor, Tristan, Jack, Dana, Fred, and Troy emerging through them into the streets of Hy-Brasil. Taylor trained her weapon on the 9-man group, ready to fire. “Fine! I’ll just kill all of you then! Every last one of you!” Jack started laughing, confusing the psychotic inkling. “Oh, sorry, sorry, I mean, it’s just really hard to be intimidated by a little girl with two-face syndrome and a revenge complex carrying around a giant paintbrush that shoots lasers.” “Oh, hey Taylor, something-oh.” David stopped, turning the corner. “And here we thought we could be rid of you idiots by going around the multiverse. You know, this island used to be even greater. Made Three Portlands look like some podunk little county until a monster came out of the sea, wrecked most of the coastline before being taken out. Just like we’re going to take all of you out. Taylor, I need you to distract them long enough for me to paint us something to help.” “You got it.” She fired her inkbrush multiple times, forcing the group to duck and scatter. She immediately went after Marcus, while a man holding a sword went after the rest of the group. “Sorry it’s a bit simple; we’re working on a tight schedule here! More on the way!” David called over, already working on another swordsman. Dana ran towards him, only to have to dodge a shot from his thaumaturgic pistol. “Oh, please, you think I can’t paint one handed? This isn’t my first time multitasking!” Taylor swung her inkbrush, hitting Marcus hard enough to send him flying into a parked car. He vaulted on top, denting the roof, in order to get high enough to fire his weapon at Taylor. She tried to use her brush as a makeshift shield, but had to dodge as her weapon was too narrow to properly block the attack. Marcus fired his splatling onto the ground behind the car, creating an ink trail that he turned into a squid to swim through. Taylor fired a blast of plasma from her weapon, blowing up the car seconds after he swam far enough to avoid the blast entirely. While Katherine was fighting the painted swordsman, she managed to duck under its strike, getting onto her back before twisting her legs around her opponent’s to bring it to the ground. While she was getting up, a second swordsman brought its blade down on her head before being blocked by another. Lord Theodore Thomas Blackwood turned his sword up, giving mr. Deeds an opening to hit the enemy in the chest with the flat side of his own blade to knock it down. “Thanks, you two. Deeds, where’d you learn to handle a sword? I mean, Blackwood I get, but you?” The butler grinned, casually turning the sword in his hand. “Who do you think taught him?” The two charged at the recovered swordsmen, while Marcus ran over nearby. Taylor shot at him again, forcing him to jump over the blast. Turning into a squid, he allowed the blast to launch him further. “Kat! Over here; catch!” He grabbed two small weapons strapped to his back, throwing them with one hand while holding his splatling with the other. “Ow. Okay, note to self: Don’t try to hold a splatling one-handed.” The weapons he’d thrown spun in the air, Katherine jumping up to catch them. She fired her newly-regained dualies at Taylor, who was too surprised to even attempt avoiding them. “This ends now.” She snarled, brandishing the firearms. “Well, at least we finally agree on something.” Taylor fired another blast from her inkbrush, forcing Kat to roll to the side to avoid it. Marcus fired his weapon at a newly-created swordsman, causing it to drop its weapon. He placed the splatling facedown on the pavement, using it as leverage to kick the swordsman with both legs at once. “Mark! I could really use some help right now!” The boy looked across the street, where Katherine was playing defense against Taylor’s superior range and attack power. He fired his splatling, Taylor being distracted enough that she got hit several times before retreating downstreet. Marcus felt a burning pain in his shoulder, turning to see David brandishing his pistol. “Sorry I’m late to the fight. Had to call in some reinforcements, but I think we’ve got enough now.” He gestured around the street, which had been turned into a battlefield with nine swordsmen, Taylor, and David fighting Marcus, Katherine, Blackwood, Deeds, the Baileys, and their allies from the Serpent’s Hand. Marcus tried to lift his splatling, but the pain from getting shot was enough to force him to drop the heavy firearm. “Sorry it had to end like this, kiddo.” If Marcus had strained his ears, he might’ve heard some hint of sincerity in his voice. “Your little friend would’ve made a great addition to Are We Cool Yet?. Oh well. At least I have Taylor as my new apprentice.” He fired his gun twice more, forcing Marcus to turn into a squid to avoid the blasts. He dove backwards, glancing at the burning black mark on his shoulder. He went back for his splatling, firing the weapon at David. Blackwood managed to cut down a swordsman, turning it into a heap of multicolored paint that dissolved within seconds. He ran over to Deeds, who was fighting another of the mad artist’s creations. David was knocked unconscious by Marcus’s attack, allowing him to focus on Taylor. Katherine had turned into an octopus in order to get behind her, shooting the inkbrush-wielding girl in the back. When she tried to shoot Katherine, the weapon was knocked out of her hands by a stream of blue ink. “I-what the-? Marcus! How dare you disarm me?” “Oh, well it was actually really easy. Besides, I’m just the distraction.” “Wait, what?” Kat jumped on top of Taylor, punching her in the face while Marcus grabbed her inkbrush, placing his splatling on the ground. He slammed the brush over his own weapon, causing it to break in half. “No!” Taylor screamed, turning into a squid long enough to get back up, kicking Katherine onto the ground before punching Marcus in the chest. He kicked her in the stomach, grabbing his splatling to swing it around in a full circle. It hit Taylor’s head, knocking her unconscious on the ground. The two stood and caught their breath for a few seconds before Marcus hugged katherine. "I was so worried about you. When I found your shirt torn and burnt in the middle of Three Portlands..." "I-I'm fine. I just got attacked by a robot, that's all." He let her go, chuckling. "You definitely have a way with robots, don't you?" “Yeah, something like that. Anyway..." Kat looked down at the unconscious inkling. “You sure know how to pick em, don’t you?” “Well, in my defense, I didn’t know she’d become evil. I mean, sure she was controlling, judgemental, and manipulative, but how was I supposed to figure anything out from that?” Katherine shrugged. “I guess she’s kinda cute when she’s sleeping instead of trying to kill us, or teaming up with terrorists, or teaming up with terrorists to try to kill us.” “Hey, guys, I think he’s waking up!” Fred yelled, pointing over to David as he began to stir. “Oh, for the love of… well, I’ll give this guy one thing: He’s definitely tenacious.” Kat admitted, brandishing her dualies. “You… you took out my apprentice! My only friend!” “Wait, what about those other guys?” Katherine asked. “The ones you were with when you first recruited me?” “Oh please. Those idiots were dead weight anyway. Barely any thaumaturgical or artistic talent whatsoever; should’ve left them long ago. Taylor, on the other hand, showed actual promise as an apprentice. I could tell she had potential, not to mention loyalty and drive. You’re going to pay for hurting her!” He fired his weapon at the two of them, forcing them to dodge to the side. While Katherine engaged David, Marcus had to use his splatling to block a strike from one of the painted swordsmen. He pushed the weapon upwards from under the sword, causing the artificial humanoid to stumble backwards. Marcus kicked it in the stomach before shooting it with his splatling, knocking it down. David tried to shoot Katherine, only for her to duck under the shots. She tossed one of her dualies at David’s face, briefly disorienting him while she pivoted on her free hand in order to kick him in the stomach with both legs at once. She wrestled his paintbrush out of his hands, snapping it in half. “No! Do you have any idea how much thaumaturgic energy I poured in that brush? I’m going to kill you, you little bi-!” He was interrupted by Katherine picking up her other dualie, using both firearms to shoot at him. “Believe me, you should be grateful that brush is all I’m breaking.” She grinned, throwing both her weapons as hard as she could once they’d run out of ammo. They both landed on his face, leaving him with black eyes as he stumbled backwards. Katherine ran forwards, jumping up to perform a dropkick on David’s chest, knocking him unconscious onto the pavement. "Alright, well, guess that's done with. Personally, I'm thinking we should probably get these two into prison. Any objections?” “Nope. Hy-Brasil is a dimensional nexus, so while David's crimes probably wouldn’t fly in an american court-being anomalous and all-we should be able to get him incarcerated here for assault and attempted murder.” Trevor pointed out. “Got it. As for Taylor, I say we take her through a portal into inkopolis. We have prisons there that can hold her.” Marcus suggested. “Alright, so who’s going to get David to the actual police?” Katherine asked. “No need. The stores have security cameras on the outside, see?” Tristan pointed above the front door, where a camera was pointed straight at them. “Besides, he’s really not much of a threat without his brush.” “Yeah, not to mention we have bigger problems back at Inkopolis." Tristan pointed out. "I'm guessing the others have already started recruiting the groups we need to combat the Scarlet King, but we should get back to help them." "Awesome. now, just one question." Marcus pointed over to Blackwood and Deeds. "who the heck're these two?" "Oh, they're my new friends, lord Blackwood and his butler, mr. Deeds." Katherine explained how they'd helped her find the key and get to Hy-Brasil. "Okay, I guess that all makes sense, but I don't think any of the rest of us went time traveling. So, how're we all here now?" Troy asked the assembled group of eleven. “Well, if none of our search groups went back in time, then it must’ve been you three.” Fred pointed over to Katherine, Blackwood, and Deeds. “It must’ve been when we went into the mist.” Deeds surmised. “Something occurred that caused us to leap forward in time several decades without aging a day faster.” “Alright, so we fell into a temporal thingy. Glad we got that cleared up, plus we’re all back together again, ready to go home after taking out two of our major enemies. All in all, a successful trip.” Katherine lifted the still unconscious Taylor by the legs while Marcus took her arms. “By the way, was there anyone else looking for me?” “Nope. They sent the eight of us in three different groups.” The inkling informed her. “Alright, everyone, the Way’s set! The sooner we get back with the others, the sooner we can get back to taking down the Scarlet King.” Jack called over, standing next to a portal. “Hey, you two want to come with us? All of existence is at stake here, and we could really use someone with your fighting skills.” Thomas suggested. “I would be honored to aid you in defending all realms. Besides, what sort of naturalist would I be should I refuse the opportunity of a lifetime-the opportunity to research another reality entirely?” “Where lord Blackwood goes, I follow. Provided I have permission, of course.” “Mr. Deeds, you have shown nothing but loyalty and bravery today. I would be pleased if you were to come with us.” “Alright, so we took out two maniacs and got two new friends in the process. Things are looking up!” Marcus celebrated, as the group walked through the Way into the wanderer’s library, and next straight into a massive battlefield.


	56. sarkicism

A day after seeing the report of the Sarkic cultists in Calamari county, the team had sent half of their number out to recruit them. Callie and Marie for their familiarity with the town they’d grown up in, and Bright, Clef, and Kondraki for being the only ones among them with any knowledge of the Sarkics-the other foundation agents and scientists were unavailable at the moment in their own dimension. “So, anyone got something they want to talk about?” Callie asked, gripping the steering wheel of the squid sisters’ van. “Anything going on in your lives? Just trying to make conversation here, guys.” Her cousin answered her, “Well, I bought one of those celebrity tabloids yesterday. Apparently my forehead is slightly smaller than yours.” “Oh, good. They’re improving.” “I suppose we should tell you two about the Sarkics.” Bright suggested. “Yeah, that’d be great.” Callie replied. “Well first off they don’t call themselves sarkics, or sarkicites. They prefer to go by Nälkä, so we should call them that since we need them to take down the big red guy.” “Got it. So we know these Nälkäs are all about flesh and stuff, but what else should we know about them?” “The flesh-cults are not to be trusted. Only with a matter as grave as this would I consider joining them.” Robert Bumaro spoke up. He’d been persuaded to come on the excursion because the historic feud between the sarkicites and mekhanites made it especially important for a representative from the Church of the Broken God to be there. “I normally don’t agree with Mekhanites, but in this case I’m willing to make an exception.” Kondraki responded. “The sark-Nälkäs, I mean, have been known to practice cannibalism, human sacrifice, thaumaturgy, dimensional manipulation, and deals with demons. Yeah, some of them are just people trying to practice their religion in peace, but a lot of them actively threaten the world. Especially the neo-sarkics.” “Great.” Marie put her face in her hands. “So not only are we going to recruit flesh cultists, we’re going to recruit possibly evil flesh cultists. Just what we need.” “I’m happy you understand the gravity of our plight.” Bumaro said, barely smiling. “A true mekhanite knows to never trust a sarkic. Only in the most desperate situation would an alliance even be considered.” “Okay, now see, that’s the sort of talk that’s not going to help us. Rob-can I call you Rob?” “No.” “Alright, see, Rob, we need to at least pretend we want the Nälkäs’ help, or else the Scarlet King is going to destroy everything.” “Unfortunately, you’re correct. On another note, call me Robert Bumaro or simply Bumaro from now on, you insolent child.” “Hey, I am not a child.” Marie replied bitterly. “I’m nineteen, which means that I am perfectly within my legal rights to-” “Hey, guys, we’ve got more important things to worry about right now.” Callie interrupted hurriedly. “Namely, Calamari county!” She pointed forwards, at a small town coming up in the distance. “Home sweet home!” They pulled into a driveway, getting out of the van. “Are you sure we should be parking here?” Bright asked, looking at the house. “I mean, how do you know the people who live here are going to be okay with this?” The door to the house opened, a middle-aged inkling stepping outside. He looked surprised, then smiled after a few seconds. “Hi dad!” Marie called excitedly.

The blue team, Lauren, and Eric sat around a gazebo at the Innsmouth park, discussing recent events. “You guys were amazing!” the agent congratulated her team. “I mean, I saw that thing’s body after you guys killed it, and it must’ve been, what, twice your size? And yet you still managed to beat it. And the way you beat it with gasoline, honestly impressive strategy there.” “So, I take it you’re starting to feel better after yesterday.” Tyler replied. “You bet. Now that I remember what I did while I was being controlled by the Chaos Insurgency, I think… I mean, I’m not sure how to say it, but it’s like my mind’s a lot clearer now.” She chuckled darkly to herself. “Sorry, I know that doesn’t make much sense.” “Sure it does.” Nate assured her. “You’re not worrying yourself with wondering what they made you do anymore. Maybe that was the problem?” “Eh, might’ve been part of it. Course, I think it was mostly that fear of losing my free will. I mean, Tartar forcing me to try to kill Katherine was bad enough, but twice in one year? Plus, at least with Tartar I didn’t have any lingering questions about what happened while I was out of it. Honestly, I was just terrified of something like that happening again, or that I might hurt someone I care about, or worse.” “Worse? What do you mean by ‘worse’, exactly?” Samantha asked. “That’s the part I hope I never get to find out. Still, I figure there’s no use dwelling on it.” She started to smile again. “I mean, like hell am I actually going to be able to afford any sort of therapy, but talking with you guys has really helped. Plus, it’s made me realize how much I miss the others. Back at Inkopolis, I mean. Besides, with Katherine getting tossed into a dimensional portal and eight of my friends going into the multiverse to find her, I think I should really go back and help the team.” “Glad you’re doing fine now. I mean, yeah, it’s been great getting to see you again, but you honestly sound a lot better now.” Tyler acknowledged. “I dunno, it’s like you’re more confident.” “Yeah, I’ll admit, fighting that freaky chicken thing made me remember how much I missed fighting alongside a team. Of course, I’ll keep in touch with you guys since you gave me your numbers, but I think I should get back to the new squidbeak splatoon.” “Alright. Just let us know if anything goes wrong.” “Eric, please. There’s no ‘if’ about it.” Lauren laughed, genuinely this time, as she said her goodbyes before leaving for the bus stop.

“Wait, this guy’s your father?” Kondraki asked, looking between Marie and the other inkling. “Yeah, my uncle.” Callie answered him. “Very well. I suppose we can stay here while we attempt to recruit the flesh sycophants.” Bumaro accepted. “Well, don’t just stand there, you lot! Come inside.” He called over to them. “Coming, dad!” Marie ran inside, gesturing for the others to follow her. “Sorry to drop in so suddenly, uncle Shio.” Callie apologized. “It’s just that we really needed to come here.” “I take it this is because of the newscast yesterday?” A woman about Shio’s age asked, having just appeared from the living room. “That’s exactly it, aunt Kara. Long story short, a religious group called the Nälkä came here through some sort of interdimensional anomaly, and we’re here to recruit them to help us defeat the Scarlet King.” “I see.” Shio said, looking at the foundation employees and the leader of the Mekhanites. “And these are...” “Oh, these are the guys that’ve been helping us with the anomalies lately.” Marie pointed at each of them in turn, “Drs. Bright, Clef, and Kondraki, and Robert Bumaro.” “Right, well, sit down at the table with us and we can discuss strategy.” Kara suggested, pulling out eight chairs around a table. “I wasn’t aware your parents knew about strategy.” Bright pointed out. “They don’t.” Marie sat at the table with everyone else. “Well now, we do know some things. For example, these… Nälkäs, they’ve been sighted in the woods, to the west of the town borders. You should go there if you want to see them.” “Really? Thanks, dad.” “Good. Now, anything else?” Kara asked. “No. I believe we have all the necessary information to negotiate with the Nälkä.” Bumaro replied. “Alright then. All of you, stay safe.” Shio turned to the four dimensional foreigners. “Mainly because if anything happens to my daughter or niece, there will be hell to pay.” His voice suddenly turned deadly serious. “You dare threaten me!?” Bumaro yelled, slamming his fists on the table. “I am Robert Bumaro, leader of the church of Mekhane, the great clockwork deity!” “Easy, Rob, easy.” Bright gently pushed him back down into his seat. “I think these two can take care of themselves. And besides, we really should get going already. The sooner we get everyone we need, the better.” “I… very well.” Bumaro accepted reluctantly. After saying their goodbyes, the six-man team went in the direction of the woods. Kara waved after them, shouting, “Bye kids! Have fun recruiting a cult to save the multiverse!”

Eric opened his door after hearing someone knock, surprised that it turned out to be Lauren. “Hey, what’re you doing here? Weren’t you going back to Inkopolis?” “Yeah, about that.” Lauren rubbed her hair like she was embarrassed about something. “There’s been a change of plans-turns out the busses here run later on weekends. According to Tyler, you’re the only one of our little group who can drive so… I mean, if you’re not busy right now.” “Yeah, my schedule’s open.” He waved her inside, shutting the door behind herself. “Nice place. So, correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t you used to be part of a turf war team?” “Yep. Team Yellow-green. We were the best in the county until the blue team came along. I mean, we were more skilled and experienced, but they just had this natural talent for turf war. Plus, they were way more synchronized than we were.” They continued walking through the modest-sized house. “My team had been fighting and arguing all month because of-I don’t know, something stupid. I try not to get involved with that stuff.” He opened the basement door. “You coming?” “What, go down into the basement of an unfamiliar house with a guy I met last week? Yeah, why not? I’m pretty sure I’ve done stupider.” “Uh, right. So anyway...” He started, the two going downstairs. “...believe it or not, having actual friends on your team is actually kind of important, since it means you can actually strategize.” “So long story short...” Lauren started, as the two came into the basement. “...Blue team kicked your butts, your team broke up because of salt, and now you’re friends with them.” “Yeah, pretty much. So, you ready to go or not?” “Yeah, I’m definitely ready.”

After a couple hours’ walk, the group made it into the forest on the western border of Calamari county. Even in the middle of the day, the trees were so thick and close together as to make it as dark as night. The whole thing made Callie strangely nostalgic. “Hey, Marie, remember when we were kids and we would look up at the stars at night?” “Yeah, good times. You guys ever do anything like that?” “Honestly, I don’t remember. It’s been so long since I became immortal that I can’t remember anything about my childhood.” Bright answered. “Same here.” Clef added. “Hey, while you guys were getting all nostalgic, I found something.” Kondraki called over from a few feet away. Carved onto a tree was a glyph, depicting what looked like some eldritch monster in a double circle. Between the two circles was a series of runes, with an eye at the bottom. “That is a Sarkic symbol.” Bumaro informed them. “They must be nearby.” “Alright, that’s good.” Bright responded. “Huh. never thought I’d be glad to be near a group of Sark-Nälkäs.” He corrected himself. “Yeah, it’s been a weird year for us, too.” Marie acknowledged. “Speaking of which, I just thought of something. Callie, you were mind-controlled by Octavio for a month before Marcus and I found you, but you brushed it off like it was nothing. Yet Lauren had to move to another county after spending a week being mind-controlled by the Chaos Insurgency. Why do you think that is?” Her cousin shrugged. “I dunno. Well, it was less mind-control and more hypnosis. I mean, I was able to keep most of my personality, except I sided with the octarians. Maybe that was the difference, or maybe the Insurgency is just worse than Octavio. You’ll have to ask her yourself when you get the chance.” “Alright, fair enough. I’ll keep that in mind.” “Hey, Marie, you’re not thinking I defected on my own, did you?” Marie started laughing. "Oh please. I can believe a lot of stuff-a giant toaster that shoots bread with faces, a demonic history book, an army of teddy bears made out of organs, but you betraying me on your own? I mean, what's next? A race of giant apes that ruled the world before humans? A bunker that resets the world in case of an apocalypse? A giant memory-eating eel?" Kondraki turned to Bright. "You want to tell her, or should I?" "Okay, ignoring that, let's keep moving." Callie suggested. "Wait a second, I don't remember anything about a giant toaster.” Clef pointed out. “We don’t tell you everything.” Marie grinned, continuing to walk through the forest.

“Eric, how much longer until we get to Inkopolis?” Lauren asked from her seat in shotgun, sounding almost tired. “Well, I’m thinking we should be there in about an hour or so.” “Good, good. So, listen to any good music lately?” “Yeah, Chirpy Chips is a pretty good band. Nice style to their songs; I think it’s called chiptune. You’re friends with some singers yourself, aren’t you?” “Yeah, Squid Sisters and Off the Hook. But to be honest, I’ve always been more of a Squid Squad girl myself.” “Didn’t those guys break up last year?” “Yeah, I’m not sure what happened to them. Except for Ikkan, I know he joined up with an octoling dude and now they’re calling themselves Diss-Pair. I mean, they’re alright, but it’s just not the same.” “I getcha.” They continued driving in silence until the car started sputtering, stopping completely within a few seconds. “What the? Come on, what’s wrong with this thing?” Eric muttered to himself, pressing his foot down on the gas pedal. Lauren leaned over to look at the dashboard. “Hey, I’m no expert on automobiles, but do you think it might have something to do with that red arrow pointing to the big ‘E’?” “Well, seeing as that’s the gas gauge, that’s probably got something to do with it.” “Wait a sec, you mean we’re out of gas? When’s the last time you gassed this thing?” “Last week.” “I-wha-c’mon, dude! Great, now how’re we gonna get to Inkopolis?” “Well, can’t you call someone?” “Right. Oh, for the love of… no signal. Just what we need right now. I guess we’re walking now.” “Well, good for us, but what about the car?” “Well, we can’t call a tow truck since there’s no signal around here.” Lauren reminded him. “Yeah, but we can’t just leave it in the middle of the road. We’re lucky traffic’s alright for now, but eventually someone’s gonna crash into it.” “You’re right about that. What to do, what to do...?” “Oh, I know. We can push it off the road. I’m a roller user, and you’re an agent, so it shouldn’t be too hard for us.” “Alright.” Lauren sighed reluctantly. “Not gonna be easy, but I guess if it’s all we’ve got… So, we just leave your car on the side of the road and then come back for it later?” “Yeah, sounds as good as we can get right now.” “Right, right.” The two climbed out, relieved that at least it was a small car.

After several hours, by the time they could no longer tell if it was night or day, the group of two inklings, three foundation employees, and a Mekhanite encountered what appeared to be some place of worship. A brazier was lit, sending black smoke billowing through the treetops while a group of people played flutes made of bones. All of them had some physical deformities-eyes where they didn’t belong, extra limbs, one man had fingers emerging from around his eyes to form a sort of ocular cage when they bent together, and another had a spiked tail emerging from his head. “That must be them.” Callie hissed, the group hiding behind a log. “Alright. Now how do we want to play this?” “I don’t know. How do you want to play this?” Someone asked from behind them. The group looked up to see the man with fingers around his eyes, four above and the thumb below, standing above them. “Oh. Hello there.” Marie stood up, nervous. “See, we mean you no harm, but, well-” “We need your help.” Dr. Kondraki interrupted. The man looked them over, his eyes settling on Bumaro. “You.” He pointed with the hand attached to his arm. “You are a Mekhanite. Why do you come to us for aid?” “I am aware that Mekhanites and Nälkäs have been bitter enemies for millenia-” “No.” The finger-eyed stranger snapped. “To your people, our way of life is a bitter enemy, but to us, you Mekhanites are merely another adversary opposed to our worship of the great flesh Yaldabaoth.” “Be that as it may, we now face a common enemy-a force that threatens us all.” “Perhaps. Say I believe you. What proof do you have of this?” Callie stepped forward. “Well, first off, aren’t you wondering why you’re even here?” “Yes, of course. We Nälkä are practitioners of dimensional thaumaturgy, but we were certainly caught off guard by our transportation here.” “Yeah, well, there’s something out there called the Scarlet King, and it’s trying to push our two dimensions together. Trying to destroy all of existence.” The Nälkä nodded grimly. “I have heard of the Scarlet King-one of the elder gods, a being of infinite malice predated only by the tree of life itself. If that is the reason this is happening, then maybe...maybe an alliance of the Mekhanites and Nälkäs really is the only way to save all of existence.” “Yeah, sorry, you guys aren’t the only ones. We’ve also recruited the Ortothans, Fifthists, and the Serpent’s hand. Well, members of them at least. Plus, we still need to recruit the Horizon Initiative. And you guys of course.” Bright informed him. “Very well. You’re either lying, or this is a truly grave matter. And something makes me think you’re not lying. I suppose I should introduce myself if we’re going to team up. I am Anthony. Now, are all of us going, or just me?” Clef answered, “We can’t exactly fit you all in the van, but you can tell them to keep on standby just in case.” “Very well. Normally I would be opposed to travelling in a technological vehicle, but given that our interdimensional thaumaturgy has been unreliable at best since coming here, I suppose desperate times call for desperate measures.” “Alright, good. Mission accomplished.” Marie smiled, starting to walk out of the woods. After several hours, they finally made it back in the middle of the night. “Come on, the van is just in front of my aunt and uncle’s place.” Callie was interrupted by her communicator beeping. “Yeah, who is this?” “Callie? Callie, it’s Marina. The mars mission was a success; the leader of the Church of the Second Hytoth is with us at the new base. Sorry I couldn’t contact you sooner, but me and Sheldon have been spending hours trying to get past Tartar’s interference with our signals.” “Marina! Great, we just had success recruiting one of the flesh guys. By the way, can you tell the others they prefer to be called Nälkä?” “Alright, I’ll pass the info along. By the way, we’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is, there isn’t an entire alien fleet headed towards earth. The bad news is, there’s a pretty big chunk of an alien fleet headed towards Inkopolis. I’m not sure when they’re getting here, but when they do it’ll be the fight of our lives.” “Alright, we’ll be right over.” “You’d better. Otherwise, we won’t have to worry about the Scarlet King.” “Got it.” She switched off the device, turning to the others. “There’s an alien invasion headed toward Inkopolis; we need to get there right now.”

While the sun was starting to rise, Lauren and Eric finally saw the outline of Inkopolis in the distance. “Yes! Finally! C’mon, Eric, let’s go already!” She dragged him for a hundred feet until they realized that massive plumes of smoke were rising above the city skylines, while a cloud of strange, black, metallic things hovered above. They were shaped like twelve-pointed stars, and more and more were coming from the sky above. “Lauren, you’re the expert on freaky stuff. What is that?” “I...I think that’s an alien invasion.” She grabbed his shoulders, getting in close. “Decision time: Are you going back to Innsmouth to sit this one out, or are you coming with me to help out? I’ll completely understand either one.” “Depends: I’m guessing if Inkopolis falls, Innsmouth won’t be far behind.” “Definitely not. The entire planet could be at stake with this one. Again.” “Alright then, I’ll help.” "Thanks, man." The two ran off towards the burning city.


	57. twelve stars

The sunrise was blocked out by a seemingly infinite swarm of Twelve Stars ships, slowly descending from space into the skies above Inkopolis. Almost immediately, they turned their cannons on the buildings, causing massive explosions while sending their soldiers, elite and otherwise, into the streets below. The normal foot soldiers were only five feet tall, half the size of the elites, and had only 6 arms on each side rather than 12, but wielded a dozen swords made of a glowing blue material that could cut through any terrestrial material and could fire blasts of explosive heat out of openings in their grey, bulbous heads. A van entered the city limits, speeding through the streets while attempting to both dodge and run over as many aliens as possible. “Gah! Callie, do you seriously have to drive even crazier than usual?” Marie asked, trying not to fall out of her seat during a particularly sharp turn. “Yeah, otherwise how are we supposed to get back to base? Good thing I put it on the GPS, otherwise it’d be impossible to find again.” “Twenty points for an elite!” Dr Clef blurted out, Marie glaring daggers at him. “How many times do I have to tell you, don’t encourage her!” A couple of hours into the drive, they came across the other group fighting a swarm of extraterrestrials. There were a dozen of them there-Pearl, Captain Craig Cuttlefish, Sheldon, Ethan, Trent, Sydney, Madison, Marina, dr. king, dr. Gears, Lewis, and Farah Onteus. With Callie, Marie, dr. Bright, dr. Clef, dr. Kondraki, Robert Bumaro, and Anthony joining them, they had a somewhat easier time fighting the hordes. The scientists had foundation-issue firearms capable of firing more powerful rounds with significantly less blowback, whereas Farah used his sword to strike down multiple soldiers by the stroke. He spun his blade in a circle, setting a dozen of the soldiers on fire. An elite managed to grab him from behind, only for the Church of the Second Hytoth’s leader to turn his sword in his hand and plunge it into the soldier’s face. It immediately released him, as the captain fired a shot from his old-fashioned charger. The monster stepped back, as Onteus stabbed it one final time. “Not bad, old man. I can see why they call you captain.” He noted, as Craig shot one soldier before turning to strike another with his weapon. “Thank you, but save the praise for when we’re between crises.” Marina jumped up, kicking one of the soldiers in the face. She punched it in the throat, jumping backwards to grab the brella strapped to her back. The brellas were a strange variety of weapons-they resembled umbrellas, but could fire blasts of concussive ink while the top could be used as a surprisingly durable shield, or launched forward to cover a greater distance. She used the shield function to block the soldier’s punch, instead getting knocked back a few inches before firing the shield at the alien. It wasn’t enough to incapacitate it, but it was distracted long enough for Pearl to shoot it from behind, turning around to fire her dualies at another before jumping up to roundhouse kick a third in the chest. Ethan and Trent fired their splatling and dualies, respectively, at a single elite soldier. It attempted to grab them, only for the two to use their shapeshifting to slip out of its hands, Ethan kicking off its chest to land in front while Trent vaulted off the shoulders to land behind the alien. Ethan fired his splatling directly into its face to distract it long enough for Trent to jump on its back, firing his dualies at the sides of its head until it succumbed to their combined attacks. Sydney used her splattershot to create trails of ink for her octopus form to swim in, jumping out and turning back into a humanoid in midair to kick one of the regular Twelve Stars aliens in the face. She whacked it on the head with her weapon before it fell forwards, an explosion of green ink surrounding its head for a brief second. Behind it was Sydney, who’d evidently thrown a splat bomb. Syd spent just as much time creating ink puddles as she did actually fighting, using them to hide in her squid form before jumping out to surprise another enemy with either an octoshot strike or a splatbomb. Those she didn’t kill were disoriented and weakened enough for another of the now 19-strong team to take down in her stead. One of the Twelve Stars ships blasted a hole in the nearest building, sending several tons of concrete and other such materials down at them. While Anthony punched a regular soldier in the chest, an elite grabbed him from behind, strangling him until Lewis impaled it with a glowing blue sword he’d conjured with his thaumaturgy. “Slànachadh.” He declared, placing his hand over Anthony’s back. Immediately, the sarkicist got up, reinvigorated. “Thanks for the assist. I take it you’re our fifthist ally?” “One and the same.” He shouted to the others, “Everyone! Gather around me!” The entire party formed a loose circle around Lewis and Anthony, Callie slamming her roller into a regular soldier while Marie shot it with her charger. Robert Bumaro had turned his arm back into a sword, using it to cut through the swathe of Twelve Stars mooks that stood in his way. “sgiath mhòr!” A massive glowing blue dome conjured itself around them, simultaneously pushing the surrounding enemies away. Half a second later, the section of building fell onto the barrier. Those inside were protected, but the barrier shook from the force, shattering while Lewis fell over. “Oh man. Creating a barrier that size...really takes a lot out of you.” Nearby, a Way appeared. Marcus, Katherine, Tristan, Thomas, Trevor, Dana, Fred, Jack, Troy, and two unfamiliar men walked through it, with an unconscious Taylor being carried by the first two. “Woah! What in the-?” Marcus started, before he was knocked back by an elite soldier. The pair of strangers immediately engaged the attacker, while Callie ran up to Katherine. She shook the younger girl by the shoulders, yelling questions in her face. “Where did you go?! How did they find you?! Who’re those two?! Why are you wearing a shirt that says ‘I went to Hy-Brasil and all I got was this lousy t-shirt’?!” “Gah, easy, easy, dude, watch out!” she pulled out her dualies, shooting a Twelve Stars soldier before it could attack them. “It’s a long story, but those guys are lord Blackwood and his butler.” “Wait a sec, lord Blackwood? Wasn’t he a slug?” “Yeah, I somehow went back in time to before he became a slug. I don’t really get it either. By the way, what the hell is going on here?!” “Alien invasion. Come on, let’s go!”

Two hours after they’d first sighted the alien ships, Lauren and Eric made it into Inkopolis. “Come on, we have to get to the base. From there, I should be able to contact the others and figure out what their plan is to stop this.” “Wait, how do you know there is a plan? I mean, I know you guys have more experience with this sort of thing, but how exactly do you deal with all of this?” Eric gestured around at the buildings reduced to rubble, the crater-filled streets overrun by alien foot soldiers, and fires blazing in every direction. “I know it looks bad, but we’re the new squidbeak splatoon. It’s our job to face impossible odds to protect Inkopolis and everyone in it. It’s just that that usually doesn’t include alien invaders from another dimension, but sometimes you just gotta be flexible. Now, I’m going to ask again: you in?” An elite Twelve Stars alien burst out of a building, creating a massive hole in the wall while it punched the two inklings, sending them flying across the street. “Yeah, yeah I’m in.” Eric groaned, spitting out a bit of yellow ink-blood. “Good. In that case, ready for a fight?” She whipped out her splattershot, shooting the extraterrestrial while Eric unfolded the roller strapped to his back. Provided with covering fire, he whacked the elite hard enough to knock it over. The two each threw a splatbomb, incapacitating the beast long enough to retreat. “Wait a second, why’d we let it live?” Eric asked, vaulting over a pile of concrete. “I doubt we have enough firepower to actually kill one. Besides, we need to focus on getting back to base. That’s the only way we can figure out what happened here!” Lauren explained, using a steel beam that’d fallen across a crater in the road as a makeshift bridge. “”Alright, where’s the base?” “Shouldn’t be too far; it’s right in the corner of the plaza.” “Please tell me you don’t mean the corner that’s caved into a pile of rubble.” “What?!” Lauren did a double take, running over to the massive sinkhole in the plaza. “No no no.” She muttered, horrified. “Not again!” “Well, isn’t there a backup base we can go to?” “No, Eric, this was the backup base. We’ve only got two, and the other one in the square was destroyed months ago. If this one’s gone, then I’ve got no idea where the rest of the team is.” Across the plaza, a dozen elite Twelve Stars soldiers appeared, while a series of blasts from the spaceships above blocked off all but one of the nearby exits. While they tried to get up from dodging falling concrete, Lauren muttered to her companion, “ready for the fight of your life?” “Nope. You?” “Not a chance. In other words, story of my life.” The two took out their weapons, backing up towards the edge of the plaza. “So, what’s the plan here exactly?” Eric asked, trying not to shake. “Uh, working on it. Let’s see, maybe we could-no, they’d cut us off there. Wait, what if we-no, they’re too close together.” “Come on, man! You’re agent 3; you’ve got to have a plan!” “Well, I don’t! We’ve never dealt with anything even close to this scale, and I’ve gotten used to fighting alongside an entire team!” She started to hyperventilate, while Eric screamed and ran at the soldiers nearest to them. He tossed multiple splatbombs which failed to move them, swinging his roller. He managed to knock one over, but it immediately recovered. The enemy grabbed his roller, lifting both it and Eric into the air. He let go of the weapon, landing on the ground to kick it out of the alien’s hands. “Okay, on second thought, maybe that wasn’t my best plan.” “I’m sorry, Eric. I never should’ve let you come here.” “Well, what’s done is done. We need to figure out some way past these things.” A few of the enemy soldiers were suddenly run over by a massive truck, which stopped near the two inklings. The front door opened on the passenger’s side, a human gesturing and yelling for them to, “Get in, you two! Now!” “Shotgun!” Lauren happily grabbed Eric’s hand, dragging him behind her into the truck. “Wait, ow, not so hard. Dude, who is this guy?” “Sorry for the rushed introduction, kid.” The human closed his door as the truck resumed speeding along, running down every alien it came across. “Name’s Shotgun. I’m the leader of New IKEA. we saw something was going wrong, and we’ve been trying to help fight off these alien freaks as best we can.” “That explains why we didn’t run into a lot on the outskirts of the city.” Eric pointed out. “Well, these guys are definitely tough, but about a dozen of us New IKEAns are enough to beat 1 or two of them. Considering how many of us there are, it’s not nearly as bad as it probably could be.” “That’s good, but who’s driving?” Lauren leaned over to the driver’s seat to get a better look. “Sheldon?” “Well, of course I’m driving.” The diminutive horseshoe crab answered. “What, did you think I’d sit out the end of the world?” “No, I guess not.” She sat back in her seat, Eric whispering, “Who’s the guy driving?” “Sheldon. He’s the guy who designs most of the turf war weapons in this part of Inkopolis; he’s a friend of the new squidbeak splatoon.” “Oh, okay then. Guess that makes sense.” While they were speeding down a road overrun by Twelve Stars soldiers, an explosion directly behind their vehicle sent it flying forward until landing on its side. “Ugh… everyone in one piece?” Shotgun groaned, looking to make sure everyone was still there. “Yeah, I think something broke my fall.” Eric rubbed his head as he sat up. “You’re welcome.” Lauren replied groggily. “Come on, we have to get outside.” Sheldon climbed out of the truck, Shotgun having to help him with the door being turned towards the darkened sky. The two inklings got out behind them as a group of mooks turned their vehicle upside down, spilling the group out onto the concrete. Lewis ran up, yelling, “biodagan solais!” To throw several glowing blue knives that exploded onto an elite directly in front of them, knocking it out. “Thanks for the save. And you are...” Shotgun gestured to the fifthist, clearly indicating he was unfamiliar. “Name’s Lewis. I’m a fifthist, and you’re welcome.” “Great seeing you again, dude.” Lauren turned to Eric, explaining, “That guy’s a friend of ours from the fifth church.” “Cool. Hey, are those your friends over there?” He pointed over to Marcus and Katherine, who were fighting one of the elites. Marcus turned into a squid to slip out of its hands while Kat launched a splatbomb behind it, exploding on the back of its head. The beast turned around, Kat shooting it directly in the face with her dualies. It slapped her with the back of its hand, launching her into a nearby car. “Hey guys! Didya miss me?” Lauren jumped on top of the creature, shooting it with her splattershot. “What the-Dude, get down!” Marcus charged his splatling gun, pulling the fire trigger the second Lauren kicked off the monster’s back. Overwhelmed by the sudden barrage, it eventually fell over, allowing the three agents to properly reconvene. “So, finally decided to come back, huh?” Kat remarked. “Yeah, I figured out what I did while I was under mind control, realized how much I missed you guys, and I guess maybe learned a valuable lesson about friendship or some such nonsense.” An explosion launched them into the middle of the street, Marcus commenting, “Okay, maybe an alien invasion isn’t the best time for a heartfelt reunion.” The three got up, as Callie knocked a regular soldier on the head with her roller. Dr King shot the soldier with its gun, just as it turned to fire a blast of heat at him. In midair, the fireball turned into a pile of appleseeds that harmlessly pelted the scientist. “Finally, my curse is useful!” He celebrated, shooting the alien until it fell over, dead. “If you don’t mind me asking, what’s with all the appleseeds?” Sheldon asked, shooting another with his charger. “I’m honestly not sure. Appleseeds just kind of happen wherever I go, and I’ve given up trying to figure it out.” “Oh. Fair enough then.” “Guys, this isn’t working.” Ethan pointed out, appearing next to them. “We’ve been at this for hours, but these Twelve Star things just keep showing up.” “He’s right.” Farah Onteus pointed into the sky while swinging his sword to knock back an approaching regular soldier. “Those ships are dispensing the soldiers. They don’t have an infinite supply of troops, but if we don’t stop them soon this entire city will be overrun.” “What?! Why didn’t you tell us that sooner?!” dr. King screamed, red in the face. “We needed to focus on fighting the soldiers down here, but now they’ve gotten out of hand.” By now, the entire party of thirty-three was gathered in a small area surrounded by thousands of Twelve Stars aliens on all sides. “Onteus, sir, might there be by any chance a way we could possibly destroy all the enemy ships simultaneously?” Gears asked, shooting one of the regular soldiers. “Well, there might be a mothership somewhere. If we destroy that, it should disable all the spaceships and allow us to wipe out the rest.” “Great! We can take the Ark Polaris Mark II.” Marina turned to the rest of the group, instructing them, “Lauren, Marcus, Farah, Lewis, Bumaro, Kat, you’re with me.” “Good. the seven of us can go into space to combat the mothership while the rest of you stay behind to deal with the remaining enemies.” “Very well.” The captain nodded, shooting an enemy mook before addressing his allies as a whole. “My friends! Today we make a final stand for our planet against an enemy from the stars! Now, we have a way to defeat them once and for all! Charge!”

“So, mind running by me what happened here?” Marcus asked, as the group ran through a swarm of Twelve Stars entities. “After you left to find Katherine, Tartar uploaded its consciousness into a robotic duplicate of her. We let him in the base, and he destroyed the place. He also killed Octavio in the process.” Marina explained. Marcus looked around, trying to process the information. “Wow. Okay, so both our bases have been destroyed, and one of our most dangerous enemies is dead.” “That would explain what happened by the time me and Eric got here.” “Wait, who?” Kat responded. “One of Tyler’s friends from Innsmouth county. He introduced me to them, one thing led to another, and now Eric’s helping us fight off this invasion.” “Alright, cool. Now, let’s focus on beating Twelve Stars.” Marcus pointed forwards. “I take it that’s the ship?” “Indeed.” Bumaro confirmed, turning his hand into a sword to cut through a swathe of enemy soldiers. Farah, Bumaro, and Lewis were the three most powerful, so they headed the attack. “biodagan solais!” Lewis tossed glowing daggers out of his hand that exploded on the creatures. “Spreadhadh lasair!” His outstretched hands conjured a plume of fire that tore through the opposing forces, while Onteus used his sword to impale and slash through them. The plasma that coated his blade made it so that a single stroke set the victim ablaze. While the others weren’t quite as strong, they still put up a decent fight. Marcus shot his splatling, allowing Katherine and Lauren to perform two dropkicks on a single regular soldier to knock it down. Marina jumped on top of an elite soldier, kicking off its back. She twisted in midair to kick another in the face, shooting it with the firearm at the tip of her brella. “Come on, we have to get to the Polaris!” She called out. “She’s right.” Bumaro spun around, creating a circular hole in the enemy forces. “gust gaoithe!” Lewis screamed, stretching out his arm. His hand generated a massive gust of wind that left a clear path straight to the ship. The seven-man group clambered inside, Marina, Lewis, and Farah immediately preparing for takeoff. “Is everyone prepared to combat the Twelve Stars mothership?” Farah addressed them. The other six nodded, Marcus adding, “I’m honestly not sure, but what choice do we have?” While the ship was rising into the air, Kat looked like she realized something. “Hey, Mark, what happened to Taylor after we came through the Way?” “Huh. well, I’m pretty sure we dropped her, and then we started fighting the invaders, and… oh no. I think she might’ve ran off in the confusion.” “Ah, relax. Taylor’s a low level threat, and we’ve got way bigger fish to fry.” Lauren assured him. “Alright, let’s find the mothership. Lewis decided. “Any idea where it could be?” “That might be a good place to start looking.” Onteus pointed out the window at a massive black spacecraft that resembled the ships over Inkopolis, except large enough to block the moon. “Yeah, that’s probably it.” Lewis whispered, horrified. “Now for the next problem: How do we go about destroying that spacecraft before it annihilates the planet?” Bumaro inquired. “Unless I’m mistaken, this ship wasn’t built with weapons, especially not ones capable of combating a machine of this caliber.” “Well, maybe we don’t need to destroy the entire ship.” Marcus suggested. “Maybe we could figure out a way inside and, I don’t know, activate some kind of self-destruct mechanism?” “Well, it might work.” Marina thought aloud. “But how to get inside?” “That thing’s massive. If we look around the sides, we might be able to find an opening.” Kat suggested. “No. Twelve Stars is many things, but they are not sloppy. They would never leave such a vulnerability in one of their ships.” Farah argued. “Okay, there’s another way, but you’re not gonna like it.” Marina hesitated before continuing, “There’s enough zapfish powering this thing that we can start an overload. Then, we can get into an escape pod and let the Ark Polaris Mark II crash into the mothership to give us an opening.” “No way!” Marcus yelled. “What if the explosion isn’t enough to break it? What if we can’t all fit in the escape pod? What if we get shot down? How will we get out?” “No, she’s right.” Everyone turned to Robert Bumaro. “This plan has many strategic holes, but it is our best chance to prevent the destruction of this earth. You all saw how many of their forces were down there; even going around the city borders we barely avoided being pursued in our ascent.” “Alright. Of course, we’ll need all the zapfish at full power, won’t we?” Lewis pointed out. “Got that right. I’ll need to turn off this entire ship. That includes air, so everyone get your spacesuits on.” Everyone except Farah took a few minutes to equip their spacesuits and oxygen, before Marina turned off all the Ark Polaris Mark II’s functions. The whole craft turned pitch black, and they could feel themselves floating and becoming weightless. Lauren checked the energy meter, the only source of light left for them. “Guys, we’re at 92% power. Once it hits 100, moment of truth.”

“Okay, everyone, the zapfish are 100% charged.” Marcus noted after glancing over to the meter. “We sure we want to go through with this plan?” “No, but it’s not like we have a choice.” Lewis answered, turning the ship’s engines back on. “I’ll steer the ship. Marina, you start overloading the zapfish. Onteus, you get the escape pod ready.” “And what about the rest of us?” Katherine gestured to the remaining four spacefarers. “You guys can uh… help Onteus find the escape pod.” “But we don’t know where it is either!” “Well, then it’s a good thing there’s five of you.” After a minute, Farah called out, “I’ve found out the location of the escape pod! It’s right above the ladder in back!” “Great!” Lewis responded. “Everyone, get into the pod. Marina, are the zapfish ready to go?” “Yep. I’ll be in the pod.” “Same here. The Ark Polaris Mark II is on a collision course with the Twelve Stars mothership.” Everyone made it inside the escape pod, necessitating them to cram into the relatively compact space. “Alright, just gotta-” Marina pressed a button, causing the escape pod to eject out of the Ark Polaris Mark II. “Me and Lewis will steer this hunk of metal.” She explained. “Then, I’m betting we’ll need all seven of us to beat whatever’s in there.” The Ark Polaris Mark II crashed into the mothership, creating a massive explosion that left a crater more than big enough for the pod to pass through. "Alright team, that's our ticket in!" Marcus celebrated. "And here you guys were with all those questions." The small craft landed inside the mothership before it could finish the automatic self-repairs. “Well now, we won’t be leaving the way we came in.” Bumaro remarked. “We can’t worry about that now. What matters is bringing this thing down.” Farah started walking down the metallic hallway, the walls covered in tubes leading in every direction with liquids in colors unseen on earth. “Wait, how do you know this is the right way?” Marcus called from behind him. “Call it a gut instinct.” After some time, they didn’t bother to guess how much, they came into a massive domed chamber. It was more than large enough to comfortably fit the entirety of Inkopolis plaza and square, with a massive gray lump in the middle. “That’s a Twelve Star elder.” Farah informed them, sheer horror evident on his face. “Unless we can vanquish it, we’ll never be able to destroy this mothership.” “Okay, now how exactly do we go about doing that?” Lewis hissed. “Hey, you tell us. You’re the guy who’s got all those magical powers and yet works at a bar.” Marcus replied. “Hey, I happen to like bartending. Alright, Onteus, how do we beat that thing?” The ortothan leader thought for a moment. “Lewis, you put a spell on it to make it sleep. Robert Bumaro, you and I will impale it through the head. The rest of you, stay guard and make sure no others show up.” “Yeah, slight hiccup in your plan.” Kat pointed over to the Twelve Star elder as it rose to its full 50 feet. It resembled an enlarged version of the creatures invading the city, except it had 2 dozen arms on each side. “Alright, change of plans; no one hold back!” The seven-piece team ran into the chamber, Lewis shouting, “Cadal!” While pointing at its head. The creature held its bulbous grey head for a few seconds before punching the ground, creating a shockwave that knocked them all down while shaking the entire dome. “Well, so much for making it sleep again.” “In that case, time for plan B.” Marcus ran at the elder, firing his splatling. It didn’t flinch, but its leg was covered in green ink 10 feet up. It opened a flap in the front of its head, spitting out a massive fireball. Robert and Farah both used their swords to strike at the fireball, causing it to rocket back towards its sender. It exploded on the elder’s head, causing it to fall to the ground. Marcus jumped onto its leg, turning into a squid so he could swim through the ink trail he’d made on the leg. “Come on, we’ve got to help him!” Marina dragged Lauren and Katherine to the other leg, telling them, “I’ll go on the other side, you two go up here. We’ll improvise from there.” The creature started rising up, kicking its leg to launch Marcus 20 feet away. He rolled on the ground, screaming in pain as he landed on the hard metallic ground. “Ugh. Okay, anyone else got any bright ideas? Cause I’m open to suggestions.” Onteus charged at the monstrosity, swinging his sword at its legs. It walked backwards, a small crack in its leg. Marcus, Lauren, Kat, and Marina shot their weapons at it, but didn’t have nearly enough range. It swung one of its dozens of fists at them, Marina putting up her brella as a shield. The shield was instantly broken through, sending her flying into the wall before she crumbled back to the ground in a heap. “Dude!” Marcus ran over, making sure she was still breathing. “Come on, wake up wake up wake up!” He shook her head back and forth until she opened her eyes, groaning. “Ow. I...I think...I just got hit by a boulder.” “Lewis, you’re magic! You take care of her while the rest of us deal with the Twelve Star guy!” He called over. “Alright kid, good luck. Spreadhadh lasair!” he launched a plume of fire straight into the monster’s face, causing it to stumble backwards while he ran over to Marina. Marcus tossed a splatbomb, which barely reached its ankle and had no effect. “Come on! We’re completely outclassed by this thing!” “Actually, I think I’ve got an idea.” Marina suggested, turning back to Lewis. “Thanks, man!” “Great, what’s the plan?” “The way I see it, that thing can only take so much firepower before it collapses. The last time we came close to knocking it out was when Bumaro and Farah knocked its fireball back. Maybe if all seven of us deflected it at once, we could knock it down completely.” “That’s actually a decent strategy.” Farah admitted. “First, we have to figure out how to provoke it into launching a fireball in the first place.” “Leave that to me!” Kat ran at the elder, firing her dualies up its leg. She swam up as an octopus, turning back into a humanoid once she reached the end of the trail. She wrapped her limbs around the gray leg, biting down as hard as possible. The skin proved to be impossible to break, but the creature kicked her off anyway. “Nice work. Look!” Lauren pointed at the elder while helping Kat back up, as it was already launching another fireball. Marcus, Lauren, Kat, and Marina fired their splatling, splattershot, dualies, and brella, while Farah and Bumaro swung their swords and Lewis shot another barrage of explosive daggers. The fireball rocketed backwards, much faster than before, exploding on the elder’s head. The blast rocked the entire dome, burning off the front of its head as the creature collapsed. The alien mothership jolted, suddenly rocked by massive explosions. “Without the elder, this ship can’t sustain itself.” Onteus explained. “Now all we need to do is get off.” “That’s easy.” Marcus pulled out his Wanderer’s Library card, using his splatling to draw the runes in green ink on the floor. “Magna bibliotheca ad centrum omnium, aperta tibi ad me!” The Way opened, allowing the group to pass through into the Wanderer’s Library.

“I hope the others are doing alright.” Dana remarked, striking one of the Twelve Star soldiers before jumping to kick another. Miles above them, the alien ships started coming down. They exploded over the city, though the Twelve Star soldiers gripped their heads, collapsing into decaying piles of gray flesh. “Okay, someone wanna tell me what just happened?” Trent asked, looking around confused. “I’ll tell you what happened: Our space team won!” Jack celebrated. A Way opened in the middle of the group, the mothership infiltration team emerging out of it. “No need to thank us, guys, we just saved Inkopolis for what, the 14th time this year?” Kat shouted. “Good. Now that’s over with, we need to find another base of operations.” Craig noted.


	58. horizon initiative

After the battle of Twelve Stars, Everett King, Charles Gears, and dr. Kondraki had left along with most of the foundation scientists except the baileys, Clef, and Bright-apparently they were going back to their own dimension to make sure everything was still relatively in order. The rest of the group had opted to move into a place Pearl and Marina had rented that was big enough for 30 people to live in. “So, why did we have to rent this place again?” Marcus asked, looking around the kitchen. “I mean, yeah, most of us I understand having to stay here, but a bunch of us already have our own places. We don’t have to live here.” “Besides, why’d you both pay for it? I thought Pearl was the rich one.” Trent pointed out. “Not anymore. A few months back, a kaiju came out of a mirror that’d been turned into an interdimensional portal by an artifact from the SCP guys’ dimension-” “Because of course it did.” Ethan interrupted. “Yeah, it’s been kind of a year. So anyway, that kaiju destroyed most of the city, and I used most of my finances to help with repairs. Between that and my place being destroyed by the thing, I moved in with Marina a while ago. On the bright side, it means I get to bunk with this snack.” “Right. Now we just need to think of a plan moving forward.” Callie sat at the head of the kitchen table. “Marina, you get to tracking down Tartar’s signal or however he blocked our signal earlier to locate him. In the meantime, we’ll have to keep an eye out for, what was that last group we had to recruit?” “The Horizon Initiative.” Dr. Bright explained. “They’re an alliance of the three abrahamic religions.” “Yeah, bit of a problem with your plan, Cal. When me and Sheldon blocked Tartar from accessing our signals, we also blocked ourselves from accessing his. Laconically speaking, I won’t be able to find him that way.” “You what!?” Callie stood up, slamming her palms on the table hard enough to shake it. “That could’ve been our only lead! If Tartar’s still out there, he could be planning anything! The world isn’t safe as long as he-” “Enough.” Onteus held up his hand to silence her. “Your friend did what was necessary to contact you about Twelve Stars. Otherwise, we all would’ve been killed.” “Actually, I think I might know a guy.” Lauren started, after thinking for a moment. “Wait a sec, who do you know that could help us with this?” Thomas asked. “Back when I first moved to Inkopolis, I met a sea urchin named Spyke. He sold me some powerful gear for way more than any of the normal shops, and I think he mentioned being a hacker once or twice.” “Hold up, are you saying you hung out with a guy in the black market?” Madison groaned, holding her hand to her face. “Hey, if there’s anything weird about a 14 year old girl hanging out in an abandoned alley with a hobo selling hacked gear for insane prices, then I don’t know what to believe anymore. Besides, I’ve seen Spyke hanging out in the cafe working on his computer, so clearly he made enough to get an actual job.” Everyone stared at her vacantly, until dr. Clef remarked, “You know, I’m starting to see how the Chaos Insurgency kidnapped you so easily.” “Just gonna ignore that. Eric, you want to come with?” “Yeah, I don’t see why not. Course, afterwards I’ll have to get back to Innsmouth.” “Fair enough.” “Right, so you two will go see Lauren’s black market friend about finding Tartar, while the rest of us wait around for any sign of the Horizon Initiative or any other SCPs.” Marcus summarized. “He’s not in the black market. He just sold more powerful gear than normal for abnormally high prices while hanging out in an abandoned alley.” “Yeah, nothing black market-sounding about that.” “Relax. Grandpa was studying that Spyke guy for years after finding out about him, making sure he wasn’t up to anything too sketchy. From what he gathered, the guy apparently fell on hard times and had to resort to unconventional methods just to make ends meet, so we just decided to leave well enough alone since he wasn’t actively hurting anyone.” Marie explained. “Yeah, see? Spyke’s harmless. Cmon, Eric, the sooner we figure out where Tartar is the better.” After they left, the rest of the group started trying to figure out the next step. “Right, well, grandpa’s out looking for Taylor since she escaped during the invasion.” Marie informed the assembly. “Of course, she’s not an actual threat anymore now that David’s out of the picture, but she’s still earned a while in juvie.” “Alright, come on, we need to find the Horizon guys.” Lewis reminded them. “That’s not all we’ve got to do. Because someone-” Marie gestured over to Marina. “-decided to blow up half of Inkopolis’s zapfish supply to access the Twelve Star mothership.” “I’m sorry, but that was the only way to stop them from destroying the planet!” “I know, but we’ll still have to step up zapfish breeding to make up for what we lost. Otherwise, we’ll have to start rationing power.” “But wait, I thought Inkopolis was powered by the great zapfish.” Kat pointed out. “Well yeah, but we still use the regular ones sometimes, mostly just to power small business establishments. An entire city can’t be sustained by one giant source of electricity, after all.” Callie informed her. “So, the two of us will go and see what we can do about the zapfish situation, while the rest of you try and figure out how to find the Initiative.” The two cousins walked out of the door, leaving the rest of the squadron to try and figure out a plan on their own.

“Wow, this place is way bigger than Innsmouth county.” Eric breathed, craning his neck to look up at a skyscraper. “Yeah, it was really overwhelming when I first moved here.” Lauren agreed, turning his head forward before he fell over backwards. “Of course, I managed to get a job fast enough, and then I joined the New Squidbeak Splatoon a few weeks later.” “Sounds like an adventure. What’d you do?” “Well, the octarian leader, Octavio, had stolen the great zapfish to cause an energy crisis. The rest of the group, which back then was just Callie, Marie, and the captain, recruited me to help them out.” “Seriously? They recruited a teenager to fight the octarians?” Eric folded his arms, giving her a look that practically oozed skepticism. “Well, they were on a tight schedule considering the energy supplies were running out, plus they were trying to keep the whole thing on the down-low. Also, I don’t mean to brag, but I was kind of making a name for myself in turf wars at the time.” “So, you’re saying it was more of a necessity deal?” “Yeah. A few weeks later, when I was between missions, that was when I met Spyke.” “Right, and you just decided to trust a guy in an alley?” “In my defense, I’d gotten better at reading others over my missions, so I figured I could trust him. Besides, I could’ve taken him if I had too.” “If you say so. By the way, any idea how we can find the Horizon Initiative?” “Who knows? Let’s just focus on getting Spyke so he can help us find Tartar.” “Fine by me, but if we happen to find any lead on the Initiative...” Eric gestured his hand in a loose circle, letting his sentence trail off. “I suppose we could keep an eye out as a secondary goal.” Lauren accepted, opening the door to the cafe. It was slightly larger than the one where they’d fought the giant chicken at Innsmouth county, but only had a few patrons. One of them sat hunched over a computer, occasionally glancing away to take a sip out of a cup of coffee. “Hi, Spyke.” “Can I help ya?” He asked flatly, barely glancing up from his screen. “Yeah dude, don’t you recognize me?” He looked up, squinting at her. He was an urchin, so his hair was a round mess of spines that covered just about the entire surface of his head. He leaned over, his long, thin arms bending on the table as he stared into her soul, intent on analyzing this interloper into his private affairs until he knew more than she knew about herself. “I got it! You’re that waitress I tipped 20 sea snails yesterday at that restaurant downtown, aren’t ya?” “Wait, what?” Lauren paused, completely floored. “I, what, no, I’m Lauren. Remember? You sold me a whole bunch of gear a couple years back.” “Sorry, love, I’ve sold a lot of gear to a lot of people back then. Can’t expect me to remember all of ‘em.” “I guess that makes sense. Anyways, I need your help with something.” “Name it.” he spoke casually, leaning back in his chair. “We need your help tracking down someone.” Eric told the urchin, continuing, “A guy, well it’s not really a guy but, uh, well, Lauren, are you sure we should be telling him about all this? I mean, he’s only a civilian.” “Relax, man. We broke the masquerade last halloween, so there’s no need to keep secrets anymore.” “Ya two blokes realize I’m still here, right?” Spyke asked, looking between them. “Oh right. There’s a robot that’s trying to destroy the world or whatever, and we need you to see if you can track down the signal to find it.” Eric explained. “Well now, that does sound serious. Secret agent stuff, right?” “Yeah, that about sums it up.” Lauren confirmed. “So, you in?” Spyke seemed to think for a few minutes before responding, “Alrighty then, I’ll help ya lot. Course, I’ll need access to your base of operations so your team can help me out.” “Yeah, sounds reasonable.” Eric agreed, while Lauren nodded in the affirmative. “Oh by the way, have you seen or heard anything about a group called the Horizon Initiative?” She asked. “No, I don’t believe so. Sorry, little agent.” “Oh. Okay. ” She slumped in her chair, disappointed. “Actually, I did find this on the ground outside a few hours back.” He took something out of his pocket, handing it to Lauren. It was a stone bauble in the shape of a waxing crescent moon with a 6-pointed star in the middle, attached by three triangles whose points converged on the sides and tip of the top point of the star. “I’m not sure where it came from, but maybe it can help ya two.” “Yeah, thanks, man.” She put the statuette in her pocket. “We’ll take this back to base, and then I’ll send you the coordinates so you can come over when you’re ready.” “Right then. Here’s m’number.” Spyke handed them a tiny slip of paper, which Eric pocketed. “Now, you’re sure you won’t tell anyone where our base is?” “Of course not, love. Why in blazes would I sell out the team in charge of saving the world? Sure, it ain’t exactly perfect, but it could be a whole lot worse.” “Thanks.” Lauren agreed, getting up from the table. “Your help to the New Squidbeak Splatoon is appreciated.” “Good to know. Take care, kids.” “Will do.” Eric confirmed, as the two walked out of the cafe.

“So, any idea what that statue might be?” “Not sure.” Lauren admitted, absentmindedly turning the item in her hands. “With any luck, it could be some sort of Horizon Initiative logo or something connected to them, and our allies from the other dimension might be able to help us use it as a lead.” “Good, good.” They heard a scream coming from a nearby alleyway. “Help! Someone, please!” “Come on, we need to help.” Lauren ran over to the alley, followed closely by Eric. “So, I guess helping people in need is part of being in your little squad?” “It kind of comes with the territory sometimes.” They made it into the alley, which was much less well-lit than the rest of the city despite the sun in the middle of the sky. “Please! I’ll do anything, just help!” The voice came from the middle of the alley, which was covered in trash and old food wrappers. “Come on.” Eric ran over to a wall, where an octoling was hunched over, shuddering. “Hey, dude, what’s wrong? Are you hurt?” “You’re going to kill me!” The octoling screamed, his voice becoming hoarse. “What? No, no, we’re here to help. We don’t want to hurt you.” Laren argued, kneeling next to the stranger. “Just tell us what’s going on, and we’ll see what we can do.” “You’re going to kill me!” He stood up, grinning like a madman. “With laughter from how gullible you are!” “Wait, what in the-” Lauren was too surprised to stop the octoling from drop-kicking her in the stomach, sending her sprawling to the ground long enough for him to pick up a nearby slab of concrete from the trash pile. Before he could throw it at her head, Eric tackled him from behind, causing him to drop the slab. The hostile turned into an octopus, allowing him to slip away while the concrete fell on Eric’s feet. He screamed in pain, while the octoling turned around to punch him in the face with one hand and slice at his throat with his other hand. “By the command of lord Octavio, I will end you!” Lauren recovered in time to run over, jumping to kick the octoling to the ground. “Guess you didn’t get the memo. Octavio’s dead, you psychopathic sycophant.” He grinned, standing up. “I think he might disagree with you there.” He pulled something out of his pocket, tossing it on the ground. A round blue portal opened, suspended a few inches above the ground. Lauren gaped as Octavio stepped through, holding some strange device. “What- but- how- I-” She stammered, stepping backwards as she tried to process the information. “You died! You were in the base when it collapsed!” “That machine might’ve tried to kill me, but I won’t die that easily. I spent hours crawling out of the rubble, sneaking back to octo valley to regain my bearings and form a new plan to eliminate your little agency once and for all. After that alien invasion, I realized it was the perfect opportunity to catch you off guard.” “Wait a sec.” Eric interrupted, breathing heavily after getting the concrete off him. “How did you know we’d be here?” “We didn’t. I had to wander around the city, looking for you and waiting for the perfect opportunity.” The octoling grinned. “But it was all worth it.” He lunged at Lauren, tossing an octoshot in her direction. She easily ducked, turning around to face Octavio. She turned into a squid, intent on slipping behind the octarian leader. However, he shot the weapon at her, landing a direct hit. Instantly, she involuntarily turned back into a humanoid laying on the ground. “What did you do?” She asked, hurrying to stand up. “What is that thing?” She felt a pressure on her stomach as the other octoling grabbed her from behind, holding a knife to her throat. She tried to shapeshift, but nothing happened. “What’s going on?” Lauren gasped out, trying to get away. He tightened his grip, inching the knife closer to her jugular. Seeing Eric getting ready to attack him, he snapped, “One step closer and she’s dead!” His hand moved a little as he spoke, drawing a trickle of yellow ink-blood. “You mean nothing to me.” Octavio addressed Eric. “Leave, go home, don’t tell anyone you saw me, and I might let you live for now.” “Sorry, buddy.” Eric took a stance, trying to hide his panic. “I’m not just going to abandon my friend.” “And just what do you plan to do, inkling? I give the word, and my loyal soldier slices her silly little neck wide open. You’re in no position to be making threats.” “I-uh, um, I-I can, uh, hey, what’s that behind you?” He asked desperately, pointing over Octavio’s shoulder. “Do you honestly think I’m dumb enough to fall for that one?” He seethed, firing another dart at Eric. He turned to the side, barely managing to dodge the ammunition. “How dare you insult me, you little moron?! I am Octavio, lord of the octarians, and soon, the whole stinking planet!” “Do you want me to slay her now, my liege?” The octoling holding Lauren asked, as she’d stopped struggling altogether for fear of the knife digging any further into her skin. She tried not to breathe too heavily as she remembered her fight with the Chaos Insurgency. “Yes, of course! Put that disgusting little agent out of my misery so we can take the other with us. We can use him as a bargaining chip and her as an example of what happens to those who dare oppose the might of the octarians.” Eric tried to figure out some way to counterattack while the octoling prepared to dig the knife into Lauren’s throat. Before he could, something hit him on the side, sending him stumbling backwards while he dropped the knife on the ground. “Much better.” She muttered, using her hand to wipe the bit of blood off her neck before turning around to kick her opponent in the stomach. “What?” Octavio screamed, looking down the alleyway. “What lowlife dares interrupt my glorious vengeance?!” “That would be me.” A man answered, stepping closer to them while twirling a gun in his hand. “You insolent little… you’ll pay for interfering with lord Octavio!” The octoling pushed past Lauren, rushing towards the strange man. “Alright, cash or credit?” He asked, firing his gun a few more times. The hostile turned into an octopus to evade the shots, turning back into a humanoid once he got close enough to punch the man in the chest. Octavio rushed at Lauren, grabbing her by the shirt. Despite her best efforts, she was unable to turn into a squid as her face was slammed into the concrete pavement again and again. She could taste the blood in her mouth and see it streaming in front of her eyes. She couldn’t form a coherent thought through all the pain and fear, until after what felt like an eternity the attack suddenly ceased. Lauren sprawled on her back, trying to catch her breath and wipe the blood out of her eyes. When she could see again, she found that Eric had managed to tackle Octavio, and was now holding onto his back. Octavio grabbed Eric’s leg, swinging him around and tossing him into a nearby brick wall. The human stepped on the octoling in his cephalopod form, causing him to turn back into a humanoid as he sputtered for breath. The human ran past him, shooting at Octavio. He shot the octarian leader multiple times, causing him to step backwards. “Don’t think this is over, you little worm. I’ll be back soon, and when I am, you’ll be sorry!” He turned to the portal, going back through along with his soldier as it closed behind them. “Hey, are you kids alright?” The stranger asked, helping the two stand up. “Yeah, thanks. You saved our lives.” Lauren answered. “Don’t mention it. So, I’m guessing this is some kind of alternate dimension?” “Yeah, pretty much.” Eric responded. “Oh hey, I’ve been looking for that.” The human picked up the tiny statue from the ground, which had fallen out of Lauren’s pocket during the fight. “Wait, that’s yours?” Eric grinned. “Are you with the Horizon Initiative?” “Yeah. How do you know about us?” “It’s a long story.” Lauren started, using the knife to cut off her pants leg below the knee. “There’s something called the Scarlet King that’s trying to destroy the multiverse, and the only way we can beat it is with representatives from a bunch of anomalous groups. If you joined us, we’d have the full set.” As she explained all this, she tied the torn fabric around her forehead as a makeshift bandage. “Wait, wait, wait, did you say ‘destroy the multiverse?’” “Yeah, no pressure or anything.” Eric replied. “So, are you in?” The stranger barely hesitated before confirming, “Yeah, of course. Name’s Nathan, for the record.” “Great! We’ll get you back to base, and then we’ll be all set to take down the Scarlet King once and for all!” “What’re we waiting for, then? Let’s get going now.” Nathan suggested, as the group started mobilizing towards the headquarters.

“Clef, any word on the Initiative, or any SCPs that’ve showed up?” Marcus asked. “No, kid. If there was, everyone here would know about it.” “Right, right. So, how do you think Lauren and Eric are doing?” “How should I know? I can’t see them from here, y’know.” “Actually, I’m starting to get a little worried about them. I mean, don’t get me wrong; I know Lauren can handle herself and I saw that Eric guy while we were fighting Twelve Stars. Still, they probably should’ve been back by now.” “Well, they mentioned spyke was working at a cafe. Maybe they stopped to get a bite.” Pearl suggested. “Without calling someone?” Marina questioned. “Besides, that’s hardly our biggest concern right now. I just wish there was something we could do aside from sitting around twiddling our thumbs.” “Sorry kid, but we don’t know where the Horizon Initiative is in this dimension, or if they’re even in this dimension in the first place.” bright replied. “Besides, we don’t have to just sit around and twiddle our thumbs. We could also try and see how fast we can blink.” “Hard pass.” Jack responded, as the front door opened. Lauren and Eric stepped inside, accompanied by an unfamiliar man. “Finally!” Katherine ran up to them, noticing how battered they were. “What happened to you two this time?” “The bad news is: Octavio survived. The good news is, we got a new friend with the Horizon Initiative!” Lauren explained. “Wait, what?” Marcus hastily got up. “You mean on top of Tartar and the Scarlet King, now we’ve got that psycho to deal with too?” “Yeah, but look on the bright side. Now we’ve got everyone we need to take down the King.” Eric answered him. “Plus, we would’ve been killed if he hadn’t showed up.” “Yeah, sure looks like it.” Kat agreed. “So, what’s the word on Spyke?” “He agreed to help us find Tartar, but he needs to come to the base so we can help him. I’ll just text him the location, and we should be good to go.” Lauren confirmed. “Are you sure it’s smart to give our location to this guy?” dr. Trevor Bailey asked. “Relax, Spyke’s got no reason to sell us out. Besides, like it or not, he’s probably our best bet at finding out where Tartar’s hiding.” Lauren pointed out. “And frankly, I’ve been itching to get back at that tin can for mind-controlling me ever since it came back.” “why don’t we just wait for Callie and Marie to get back after they’re done dealing with the zapfish shortage?” Onteus suggested. “Right. And then we can work on neutralizing our threats.” Gears agreed, as the group started to wait. “Come on, I’ll show you around.” Marcus grabbed Nathan by the hand, dragging him through the house. “Well, I gotta get back to Innsmouth county.” Eric mentioned, making his way to the door. “Bye guys.” “Hey, wait a second. I’ve got something to give you.” She rushed over to a box, taking something out of it. She gave Eric a small, spherical silver device. “Here, take this to Tyler’s place, will you? Or any of the blue team, really. Heck, keep it for yourself if you want.” “okay, but what is it?” He asked, looking curiously at the little thing. “It’s a teleport beacon. It’ll let me go to Innsmouth without having to catch a ride.” “Oh, cool. Yeah, I’ll definitely give this to Tyler, and I’ll make sure to tell him what it is too.” “Thanks, Eric. Call me if you ever want to get in touch again.” “You too.” He finished, walking out of the door. “Hey wait. Aren’t you going to say goodbye to the others?” Katherine asked, interrupting him on his way out. “Yeah, sorry. I don’t think most of the group got to know me that way. It was nice to meet you guys though.” “Alright, I’ll tell them you said goodbye then.” Katherine accepted. “Thanks, Kat. And good luck, all of you.” He left the building, closing the door behind him. “Oh man, that was brutal.” Lauren said, sitting on the couch next to dr. Clef. “New fashion statement? Gotta say, it needs work.” “Thanks, but it was either this or bleed out from getting my face slammed on the sidewalk. Plus, I got shot with some crazy dart and now I can’t even shapeshift.” “Actually, I got hit with one of those while you were gone, right before I got tossed through that portal.” Katherine informed her. “Don’t worry; it should wear off in a few hours. Besides, just count yourself lucky you got locked in inkling form. Being an octopus-or I guess squid in your case-for that long? Not fun.” “I can imagine.” Lauren mentioned offhandedly. “Speaking of which, I’m really sorry I wasn’t there to help.” “Don’t worry about it. You had your own problems to deal with, and it wasn’t like you could’ve known what would happen. Let’s just leave the whole thing behind us.” “Now that’s a plan I can get behind.”


	59. fated battle

“Pearl, are you sure about this?” Tristan asked, looking at the 12-foot long line of purple ink hovering an inch off the ground, emerging out of a tiny round mechanism and stopping just before the wall. “Of course. We need to test whether or not a human can safely use a ride rail.” “Okay, I understand that. And I trust the camera is purely for scientific purposes?” “What? Yeah, sure, let’s go with that.”

While walking around the base, Marcus noticed Katherine adding her own touch to the christmas decorations. “Okay, I know this is your first holiday season after escaping the Metro and fighting an evil phone, but why are you putting a spike trap in the chimney?” “Isn’t it obvious? I’m guarding this house against Santa.” Marcus briefly did a double take. “What? Dude, why are you trying to protect this house from santa?” “Are you kidding? Callie told me all about him. A fat old hobo who watches children while they sleep, breaks into people’s houses, and leaves presents for small children that he takes out of his sack? No thank you. Besides, I already got dr. Clef to help me.” “Seriously?” Marcus looked over to where Clef was putting spikes on the outside of the window. “Dude, why are you encouraging her?” “I work at the foundation, kid. I know the risks of christmas.” “I, yeah I guess that makes sense.” Marcus responded, slowly backing away while a door opened. “Guys, I’ve done it!” Spyke announced, grinning. “What, you found out where that Tartar guy is?” Nathan asked. “No, I invented a cure for stupidity. Yes of course I found Tartar.” “Dude, that’s great! And it only took you what, 4 days?” Kat congratulated. “Yeah, it mighta gone quicker if Tartar weren’t so good at hiding its own signal. I swear, it’s almost like the thing is getting more powerful by the day.” “Yeah, now that you mention it, he was able to transfer his consciousness into a robotic copy of Katherine.” Dr. Clef added. “What if that was just the beginning, and at some point he can split his consciousness between creations, or spread between devices he didn’t create like some sort of computer virus?” “Oh, oh man, you’re right. I didn’t even think about that.” Katherine realized, horrified. “I mean, I was so caught up in thinking about the invasion, and Octavio coming back, and the christmas decorations… although come to think of it, that last one probably wasn’t quite as important.” “Come on, we need a team meeting.” Marcus ran into the kitchen, gesturing the others to follow. “Callie, Marie, Gears, Bright, everyone, get in here, now!” “Dude, what is it?” Callie asked. “What happened?” “I’ll tell you what happened.” Spyke sat at the head of the table, opening his laptop. “We finally found Tartar’s location, that’s what.” “Really? That’s awesome!” Marie celebrated. “Well, except for the fact that 10 of us working together got our faces smashed in by that thing.” “Yeah, not to mention it’s probably been getting stronger over time. At this point, who knows how many of us it could take to stop that thing?” Clef pointed out. “Hey guys, what’s all the yelling about?” Lauren asked, coming in from the other room. “Oh, nothing. Just we managed to finally pinpoint Tartar’s location.” Katherine answered. “‘We?’ That’s a rather odd way of pronouncing ‘Spyke’.” “Wait, really? You finally managed to find that freak? You mean now we can actually take the fight to him?” “Yeah, except for the fact that he’s crazy powerful. It’s going to take a small army just to stand a chance against him.” Katherine argued. “Well, fortunately we have a small army.” Marie dictated, “Lauren, gather the S4. Marcus, you get Robert Bumaro and Lewis. Katherine, see if you can find Marina and Pearl. We’ll all meet back here in the kitchen to discuss our gameplan.” The others agreed to the plan, returning within five minutes with Ethan, Trent, Sydney, Madison, Bumaro, Lewis, Pearl, Marina, and Sheldon. “So then, the entity that impersonated and blasphemed against lord Mekhane has at last resurfaced. We must destroy it, and recycle its parts so they may be useful to the mekhanite cause.” “Well, I don’t know about that last part, but yeah, Tartar’s gotta go before he ends us all.” Lauren agreed. “So, smart people, any plans?” “Well, not necessarily a plan, but we’ve got something that might help.” Sheldon confirmed, as Marina pulled out a large ornate box. “Me and Sheldon have been working on these ever since we first moved our operations here. Upgraded versions of the hero-class weapons, made more powerful than we previously could’ve imagined thanks to a unique combination of our geniuses and fifthist magic.” “You’re welcome.” Lewis interjected. “Appreciated.” Marina pulled out the first of the weapons. “The hero splattershot DX. Higher ink capacity, farther range, better attack power, faster refill speed, and if you rotate the barrel clockwise halfway like so-” She briefly demonstrated. “-it’ll fire blasts of plasma instead of ink. Of course, there’ll be a lot more blowback in exchange for the greater offense. The hero octoshot DX is essentially the same, except it’s got a faster firing rate and less range.” She tossed the weapons over to Lauren and Madison, who easily caught them out of the air. Sheldon threw another hero splattershot DX to Sydney, who caught it with her face before it fell on the table. “Ow, my face.” Sheldon pulled out two more weapons, explaining, “The hero splatlings DX are much lighter than the regular versions, as well as having a shorter charge time and greater firing rate. Plus, if you press this button right here-” He pointed to the top of the barrel. “The center of the firing mechanism will fire a massive blast of plasma with equally massive blowback.” He gestured to the face, which had a circle of holes for the ink to be fired out of. He slid the splatlings on the table, until their new owners caught them. “Wow. Dude, you were right. This is way lighter than my old splatling!” Marcus praised, lifting the thing with one hand. “And I can hold it one-handed without excruciating pain!” “Yeah, I see what you mean.” Ethan agreed. “And with the size of the barrel, imagine the explosive power of the plasma blast.” “Well, as long as you’re in my house, you’ll keep it to your imagination.” Marina said, moving on to the next weapon. She pulled out a half dozen firearms resembling small handguns. “Hero dualies DX. faster, farther, and stronger firing rate, and if you turn the firing lever sideways...” She demonstrated, causing one of the dualies to fold in on itself, changing in a few seconds into something more resembling a dagger. “Perfect for close-quarters combat.” Sheldon extracted a roller, unfolding it and placing it on the table. “The hero roller DX is lighter than any other version, plus it has a firing mechanism on the back, which will cause ink to launch out of the roller’s main body.” “Oh cool!” Callie blurted out, quickly taking the roller. “You mean I’ll actually be able to attack long-range with this thing?” “Precisely. We specifically addressed the two biggest downsides of the roller class, namely their weight and lack of ranged capabilities.” Marina clarified, pulling a long, thin rifle-like item out of the box. “The hero charger DX. it takes half as long to load a full shot as the standard hero shot, not to mention it has much more range. Also, if you press the lever at the top, it’ll fire plasma blasts. Of course, those’ll run out after a few shots and you’ll have to wait a few minutes to recharge, and that’s to say nothing of the blowback.” “Still, it sure sounds like an improvement.” Marie agreed, taking the charger off the table. “Well, in any case, here’s the hero brella DX. Seeing as I’m the only brella user on the team, I figure explanations would just be superfluous.” “Alright, so we’ve got, what, 13 of us?” Marie asked around the table. “I’m thinking the foundation guys should stay here since, well, not to be rude, but your guys’ weapons weren’t exactly useful against Tartar last time.” “I… yeah, that seems fair.” Clef admitted. “Well, that’s me, Kat, Lauren, the Squid Sisters, Off the Hook, the S4, Robert Bumaro, and Lewis.” Marcus pointed at each of them in turn. “I’m guessing Spyke won’t be joining us?” “Yeah, sorry guys, I prefer to stay out of fights. Especially ones with massively powerful killer robots.” “Now there, my acquaintances, what, pray tell, is the purpose of this assemblement?” Lord Blackwood asked through the open doorway. “Spyke managed to find a robot that’s tried to kill us a bunch of times, and now we’re going to go and stop it before it can destroy the world. Hey, actually, you wanna come with us?” Katherine offered. “I don’t see why not. Your group is clearly dedicated to the safety of this world, and I should be honored to provide my aid in any way that I can.” “Awesome! Come on team, we should be able to get there in an hour if we get going now.” Callie jumped away from the table, as the group started towards the door.

“So, Katherine, if you don’t mind me asking, where’ve you been staying all this time?” Madison asked as the team was already running in the direction of Tartar’s location. “I mean, I’m guessing you came here a few months ago, right?” “Yeah, last august. I’ve been staying at Marcus’s place ever since.” “Yeah, I just remembered. Why weren’t you there when I was briefing Marcus about me, the toaster that can only be talked about in first person?” Marie wondered out loud. Kat thought for a moment, trying to remember. “I’m pretty sure that I was at the base, the old one I mean, when Gears was briefing us on, what was it? Oh, right, that freaky sloth-thing. To be honest, I don’t think anything really came of that other than Lauren getting freaked out and leaving for a couple weeks.” “I thought we agreed never to speak of that again.” “Y’know, I honestly would’ve thought Kat would bunk with you.” Callie interjected. “I mean, seeing as you met in the Metro and all that.” "Well, we talked about it in the base after the Deepsea Metro incident, and we agreed that Kat would be better off staying with someone who, unlike me, could actually afford to live with someone else." "So, how much longer before we face our grandest foe?" Sydney asked, absentmindedly juggling her splattershot. "I believe the coordinates the urchin gave us are a few miles away." Bumaro answered. “Good, if we keep running we should be there in a few minutes at most.” Lewis added. “So, Marcus, I’m just curious, is there maybe some other reason you’re letting Kat stay with you?” “What? No, Maddie, it’s nothing like that. If anything, I think of her more like a sister. Same with Lauren, and Callie and Marie. Just to a lesser extent, since, y'know, they don't actually live with me.” “Gotcha. Just asking.” “No problem, dude.” “Guys, I think we’re just a few blocks away. Everyone ready?” The task force spoke their affirmatives, and continued on their way.

The place didn’t exactly scream ‘Psychotic genocidal robot hideout’, though that was probably the point. It looked like a normal house, with a red tiled roof, orange walls, and an unkempt lawn. There wasn’t so much as a fence, or even a ‘beware of android doppelgangers’ sign. “Marina, you sure this is the place?” Pearl asked, trying to keep the grass out of her face as it’d grown to obscene heights and she was by far the shortest one there. “Uh, yeah, these are definitely the coordinates Spyke got us.” Marcus thought for a moment. “Guys, I hate to say this, but what if Spyke gave us bad intel?” “What? No way, I mean, why would he do that? He’s an old friend of mine, and there’s nothing in it for him if we don’t stop Tartar from bringing about the end times.” Lauren pointed out. “Yeah, guys, come on. Tartar’s not exactly going to put up a neon sign saying ‘Evil robot hiding out planning to destroy the world! Autograph signings 2-2:30 every afternoon!’ He’s going to hide somewhere subtle, like, oh, I dunno, this place?” Trent gestured to the old house. “Yeah, I see what you mean. Not exactly an attention-grabber, is it?” Kat admitted. “Enough talk. If there is any chance of the blasphemer being here of all places, then it is imperative that we search thoroughly.” Robert Bumaro pushed past them, wading through the knee-high grass. The rest of the group followed, stepping up to the front door. It was a polished white wood, with no decoration aside from a doorknob. Bumaro tried to open it, only to find it locked. “I suppose I have to make my own entrance.” He raised his arm, turning it into a sword. “Or-” Lewis interrupted, before Bumaro could swing the blade down. “-we could not risk alerting the enemy to our presence.” He gestured to the door, speaking an incantation. “Fosgailte.” Silently, the door swung open as if by an invisible hand. “It pays to be a skilled thaumaturgist.” the 14 of them entered the house, which still didn’t betray any signs of extraordinary activity. The room they entered into was a kitchen, with a table, a few chairs, everything one would expect. “Search the place.” Marie dictated. “There’s gotta be something here.” After deciding there was nothing worthwhile in the kitchen, Katherine headed into the living room. It was slightly more opulent, but still fairly middle-class. The couch could comfortably sit 8 people, with soft leather seats, and the rug was covered in psychedelic spiral patterns. Really, the only thing of note was the bookshelf. It was made of mahogany, about 10 feet tall and 8 feet wide, with dozens-possibly hundreds-of book spines visible. Kat moved over to the shelf, examining for any oddities. She was distracted by an explosion outside, which shook the entire house. Running back into the kitchen, Katherine saw that most of her allies had been knocked far inside, and were now sitting up groggily. The only exceptions aside from herself were Marcus, Sydney, and Lewis, who’d been searching in the hallway before being summoned by the commotion. The doorway was now nothing more than a smoking crater, with a dozen shapes coming through. The octolings entered the house, the one in front smiling before throwing down a device. “Hey, you held a knife to my throat.” Lauren spoke between coughs, pointing at the lead octoling. The device activated, conjuring a portal for Octavio to enter the house through. “How did you find us?” Marcus yelled, unfolding his weapon from his back. “Simple. I had my soldier place a tracking device in your little friend.” Octavio pointed to lauren. “Wait, wha- you mean when you were holding that knife to my throat? You put a tracking device in me?!” “Of course; it was on the knife. A microscopic device that entered your bloodstream when I dug just deep enough into your skin.” “What the-no, no, no.” Lauren backed up, horrified, as Marina interjected, “Wait a second, if you were tracking us for four days, why did you wait until now to attack us?” “Oh please, do you think I’m as much of an idiot as you lot? Of course I wouldn’t attack you at your own base, not when there were so many of you. Now that you’ve split up, I can finally eliminate you.” “Alright, team, let’s put these new weapons to the test!” Trent yelled, interrupted by Lauren screaming unintelligibly. She whipped out her hero splattershot DX, shooting a blast of plasma. The octolings managed to dodge the blast, while Lauren barely managed to brace herself against the blowback. Octavio swiped at her with a fist, only for the inkling to duck underneath his blow. She punched his chest as she jumped back up, grabbing the much larger man by the neck to climb onto his back. As Octavio tried to get her off, Lauren kicked off of his back, pushing him forward. She quickly switched her weapon back to its ink-firing setting, as she heard someone running at her. Instinctively, she turned into a squid, allowing the knife-wielding octoling to soar past her. He turned around as she shifted back into a humanoid shape. “Rematch.” She snarled, diving towards him with her weapon. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Marcus fighting the other octolings. He fired a blast of plasma, which hit one octoling who was using his brella as a shield. The brella was instantly atomized, while both Marcus and the opposing octoling were knocked to opposite sides of the living room. While Mark pivoted on one leg to turn around and kick another enemy soldier in the face, the brella user was slammed into the wall, not even registering as Katherine kicked him out of the air. She turned around, smacking an octoling with one of her dualies. She switched them into the dagger option, jumping at her opponent. He blocked her with an inkbrush, swinging it to knock her back a foot. Switching back to ranged weaponry, she fired her dualies at the brush-wielder. “Well, at least yours doesn’t shoot lasers.” “Wait, what?” He paused, confused, giving Kat the opening she needed to fire her ammo at him. She followed up by switching back to daggers, stabbing him in the shoulders before moving on to her next opponent. “This is the last thing we need when we’re looking for Tartar.” Callie remarked, swinging her roller to hit two octolings at once. One was knocked halfway across the room, while the other managed to turn into an octopus to allow the roller to pass overhead. He shifted back to humanoid form, jumping on top of Callie. She gripped her roller, blocking his strikes as he slammed a blaster into her weapon. The thing was about the same size as its owner, capable of firing short, strong bursts of ink. Every time he swung it down, it pushed Callie’s roller closer to her. When he was between strikes, they heard Lewis yell, “biodagan solais!”, Sending a quintet of glowing blue daggers in the octoling’s direction. He spun around, dodging the attack. “Spreadhadh lasair!” The octoling barely managed to dodge a plume of fire, giving Callie an opening to knock him back into the kitchen with the roller. The bookshelf was completely razed, revealing an opening behind it. “There’s a secret passage hidden secretly behind that bookshelf! Which in hindsight, we probably should’ve seen coming.” Sydney realized. “That must be where Tartar is.” Marcus surmised, moving towards the passage. The staircase was disconcertingly steep, with no railings. The walls completely surrounded the steps, making it look like some sort of dark, unlit tunnel. “I’m not sure how far down it goes, but it’s our best bet to find Tartar.” “Let’s go; Tartar’s a much bigger threat than Octavio.” Marie ordered, starting down the stairs. “Finally! Time to repay him for the Metro!” Lauren kicked off of Octavio’s stomach, while Lewis yelled, “gust gaoithe!” to conjure a blast of wind, knocking the octarian forces away from the entrance. “You seem very adept at magic. I’ve only seen a few thaumaturgists with your skill.” Lord Blackwood praised while he followed the others through the passage. The stairs were narrow, forcing them to walk single-file. “Tell me, fifthist, how long before they follow us down here?” Bumaro asked, turning his sword back into a normal-looking hand. “The gust spell should last a minute, maybe a minute and a half if we’re lucky. Hey, down in front, how deep is this tunnel?” He called down. “I’m not sure; I can’t really see the bottom!” Marie called up. Her hair glowed with bioluminescence, along with the other inklings among the group-Marcus, Lauren, Callie, Pearl, Ethan, and Sydney-though it still didn’t allow them to see the bottom of the stairs. After a couple of minutes, they finally reached the bottom. The area was the same size as the house aboveground, with a roof and walls of stark white. It was well-lit, with the roof about 20 feet above head. On the other side of the basement, the robotic form of commander Tartar stood still as a statue, dozens of wires connecting its head, torso, and legs to a myriad of outlets in the wall. “Wow. I do not pity his electric bill.” Marcus mused aloud. “Forget that. Now’s our chance.” Marina stepped forward, making sure to be as quiet as possible. “While he’s out, we can unplug him and finally end this for good.” The second she finished, the wires fell out of the machine. It moved forward, Raising its arm to fire a burst of plasma at her. Marina grabbed her brella, shielding herself. When the plasma hit, the brella was covered in electricity that shot towards Tartar, albeit too far away to actually hit. “Test subject 10,008. You all have walked into your tomb.” It shot dozens of bolts of electricity, electrocuting the entire group. While they screamed in pain, Octavio came down the stairs followed by his remaining octoling soldiers. “You! You’re the filthy machine that tried to bury me!” “No. There was no way you could have survived.” “Then explain this!” Octavio threw a pair of splatbombs at Tartar, though it didn’t so much as flinch. “Your survival is insignificant. I have grown more powerful than ever. Your extinction is at hand, and the world will soon be cleansed of your filth.” “Oh shut up, you glorified pay phone!” Lauren fired a plasma shot at the robot’s head, turning it to the side a little. “You will all perish. The perfect world my creator envisioned begins now.” The wall behind it opened, revealing multiple sections. Out of each of the hidden compartments stepped a perfect double of Callie, Marie, Lauren, Marcus, Katherine, Pearl, Marina, Ethan, Trent, Sydney, and Madison. “You made doubles of all of us. And you even made another copy of Kat!” Trent realized. Each of the doubles’ eyes glowed a bright red, as they spoke in unison alon with Tartar, “10 of your number could barely survive against one of me. You have no chance against this force.” “Come on guys! This is going to take everything we’ve got and then some!” Lewis yelled, as the team charged the robots. “No! I won’t allow you to take my vengeance from me!” Octavio ran towards Tartar’s main body, only to be knocked back by a blast of plasma. He turned around, allowing a roller to strike him in the face. “Hey, Octavio.” Callie put her roller on her shoulder, speaking as casually as if they were talking over lunch. “We’re not letting you walk away this time.” Marie switched her charger back to firing ink, shooting another blast. Marcus fired a massive blast of plasma into his copy’s chest, knocking it into the wall. Something kicked him in the side, knocking him down. He looked up, rolling to the side as an enemy octoling tried to step on his stomach. Marcus stood up, striking his attacker with his splatling. In the process, he turned to see a copy of Ethan starting to punch him. The inkling dodged the punch, starting to fight the machine. Lauren kicked the octoling in the chest, knocking him back a few inches. He grabbed a knife, jumping towards her. She managed to jump backwards, countering by firing her splattershot. They were interrupted by a bolt of electricity fired by Lauren’s machine replica. “Truce?” She offered. The octoling thought for a few seconds before accepting, “Fine. But once we take down that robot, we go back to killing each other.” “Wouldn’t have it any other way.” They charged at the duplicate, which immediately fired multiple blasts of plasma out of its hands. The octoling soldier jumped, throwing his knives in the air. They landed in the robot’s shoulders, embedding themselves in it. Lauren fired a stream of ink on the ground, diving into it using her squid form. She swam through her ink, jumping out and shifting back to humanoid to kick it in the chest. A few feet away, Katherine ducked under a punch from commander Tartar’s main body, just to get kicked and knocked on the ground. “Your attempts are futile, test subject 10,008. You are an inferior, fragile life form. I am a machine, capable of self-repair and consciousness transfer. You will never prevent me from ending your disgusting species.” It fired several bolts of electricity, with Kat dodging to the side at the last split-second to run towards Tartar. She shot it with her dualies, before jumping in the air to kick it in the chest. “Hey, need some help?” Marcus asked, firing a stream of ink out of his splatling. “Sounds great!” Nearby, Octavio managed to get past Marie’s charger shots, punching her in the face to send her sprawling to the ground. Callie swung her roller, only for him to turn into an octopus to dodge it. The weight of the roller caused her to involuntarily take a few steps forward, allowing Octavio to turn back into a humanoid directly behind her. He grabbed the roller, pulling it around to swing the singer behind him. “Ow, my head. Hey Cal, you ready to- oh shoot!” Marie hastily ducked as Callie flew overhead, barely managing to balance herself when she landed. “Fine. If it’s a fight you want, then it’s a fight you’ll get! Maybe I can use you two as a warm-up for the robot.” “Wait, stop!” Callie ran in front of her cousin, holding her arms out to both combatants. “Octavio, you want to destroy Tartar, right? Well, so do we. What if we teamed up? We can all work together to save the world, and then we can go back to killing each other.” “Never! I hate you inklings almost as much as I hate the machine. Team up with you? Disgusting!” He tossed half a dozen splat bombs at them, forcing the cousins to dodge to the side. “Well, that didn’t work. Sorry, Marie.” “Hey, it was worth a shot. Now let’s take him down!” They charged at Octavio, Callie launching a stream of ink that hit Octavio long enough to distract him from Marie firing a plasma blast from her charger. The octarian leader was knocked back by the blast, falling on his back after being punched in the chest by Callie and kicked in the stomach by Marie. Across the room, Madison dodged a kick by her duplicate, only for Ethan’s copy to grab her from behind, tossing her into the wall. She fell on the floor, barely able to stand as the robotic Sydney prepared to electrocute her. Blackwood struck the enemy with his sword, sending sparks flying from the collision of metal on metal as the bolts of electricity went flying upwards. They struck one of the lightbulbs on the ceiling, casting their section of the arena in shadows. Lewis helped Maddie to her feet, as the rest of the S4 ran up next to them. “6-on-4? Doesn’t really seem fair to me.” Ethan remarked. “Got that right, especially with some good old-fashioned fifthist thaumaturgy on our side. Spreadhadh!” The bartender tossed a ball of blue light into the middle of the robot quartet, sending them flying. “I have fought with these artificial creatures just moments ago. I would advise not getting overconfident.” Blackwood recommended. He ran towards Ethan’s counterpart along with the original, both managing to dodge an electric strike. Blackwood swung his sword, which was blocked by the robot’s arms crossing themselves in a defensive X pattern. “Get down!” Ethan ordered. Blackwood looked behind him, immediately getting out of the way as Ethan fired a blast of plasma out of his splatling, sending the machine duplicate flying through the air. Trent switched his dualies into dagger mode, dodging all of his copy’s moves until pivoting on one leg to spin around, throwing one of the daggers into the robot’s chest. With the other, he slashed it across the neck. His copy lifted him into the air by his neck, trying to choke him. He kicked the artificial life form in the chest, taking the dagger between his feet and yanking them out of its chest. He then shifted into squid form to slip out of its grip, backflipping away once he was on the ground. “Claidheamh solais!” A glowing blue sword manifested in Lewis’s hand, striking diagonally at the copies of Sydney and Madison. They both staggered backwards, Sydney’s doppel being struck from behind when the original jumped out of her ink puddle, shifting back to humanoid to hit it in the back with her splattershot. Madison fired at her double with her octoshot, transitioning to plasma-firing mode to blast it in the forehead. Near another corner of the room, Robert Bumaro had turned his hand back into a sword, striking down another octoling soldier. He was struck by several bolts of electricity from the android doubles of Kat and Mark. something exploded between the two machines, instantly stopping the onslaught. Those two singer girls-what were their names? Right, Pearl and Marina-appeared on either side of him, one of them clearly having thrown one of those splatbombs these creatures seemed so fond of. “You’re welcome.” Pearl told him, a cocky look on her face despite having to look up to talk to him. “I suppose I should thank you for assisting me. Now, continue to assist me so we may scrap these blasphemous abominations against Mekhane!” “You know what, why not? I’ve got nothing better to do right now.” Marina agreed, launching the head of her brella towards the enemy forces. It rocketed forwards much faster than any other brella-class weapon, leaving a trail of teal ink before turning in mid-air to strike both androids in the side. Pearl followed up by turning her dualies into daggers, running up to Katherine’s copy and twisting downwards to slash it in the knees. Bumaro struck the android Marcus in the chest with the point of his blade-arm, knocking it backwards. Marina used her brella’s ink trail to swim in her octopus form behind the doppel, where she raised the shield again. The android attempted to fire a blast of plasma at her, only for the shot to be deflected along with a bolt of electricity. At the same time, Lauren and her newfound reluctant ally continued to fight her doppelganger. The octoling soldier jumped on top of the android, grabbing his knives that were still stuck in its shoulders and using them as leverage to flip forwards in front of the robot. Once he landed a few inches in front, he was paralysed by a bolt of electricity shot from the double’s chest. Lauren switched her splattershot into plasma-firing mode, striking both combatants at once. “Hey, I thought we were supposed to be working together, inkling.” “Dude, you held a knife to my throat and stuck a tracking device in my blood. I think I’m entitled to a cheap shot or two.” “Well, congratulations; now we’re even. You want to kill this thing or not?” “Now that’s a plan I can get behind.” They both jumped to opposite sides, letting twin blasts of plasma explode behind them as they charged the android. Lauren fired more of her plasma at her double, allowing the octoling soldier to slash his knife into its neck, following up by kicking it in the shin. “Honestly, as if one of you wasn’t bad enough.” He muttered, throwing down a splatbomb and jumping away as the blast covered the robot in red ink. “For once, we’re in agreement.” Lauren dove into a trail of her own ink, shifting back into humanoid form as she jumped out, kicking the other her with both legs. It staggered backwards again, as the two organics stood next to each other. “How many splatbombs can you manage right now?” The octoling asked. “5. You?” “Same. Now, throw all of them at the robot.” “I like where this is going.” They tossed a total of 10 splatbombs at the android, covering it in yellow and red ink. Sparks flew from all over as it short-circuited, Tartar’s voice emanating from it as its glowing red eyes flickered on and off, “No...disgusting...primitive...unworthy...impossible...”. It jittered about for a few seconds, finally exploding in a small fireball. “Yes! I know you were trying to kill me, but man, that was awesome!” “Yeah, especially how you drained all your ink.” He grinned, twisting his knife towards Lauren's stomach. She turned to the side, grabbing his arm and using his momentum to spin him around before kicking him in the back. “I may be out of ink, but I’m not out of ammo.” She turned her splattershot to the plasma option, firing a volley at her enemy-turned-ally-turned-enemy. By the time she was finished, only a puddle of red ink remained. “Guess he just couldn’t cut it. Wow, I’m cold.” She turned to see Marcus and Katherine fighting Tartar. Marcus fired a volley of ink from his splatling, giving Kat an opening to jump up, slashing the robot’s face with both her daggers before kicking off of its chest, backflipping away to land next to her fellow agents. “Nice to be back together again.” Lauren remarked. “You’ve got no idea how much I missed this!” Katherine agreed. “Alright, team, let’s take down this murderously marauding mechanical menace one and for all.” Marcus finished, firing a blast of plasma at Tartar. Lauren shot a barrage of ink at the robot as she ran forwards, rolling behind the robot to toss another splatbomb at its back. “You three creatures will never defeat me. Your species should never have crawled out of the ocean, and I will see to it that the earth is cleansed of your filth.” “Yeah, yeah, disgusting filth, glorified seafood, unworthy successors to the human race, blah blah blah. Speaking of which, do you remember me, Tartar? How you took over my mind and forced me to try and kill my friend?” “You are an insignificant creature that will soon be killed along with the rest of your loathsome kind. Why would I waste any data storage on remembering you?” In a fit of rage, the inkling jumped on Tartar’s back, slamming her hero splattershot DX into its head over and over again. The robot grabbed her by the leg, slamming her onto the ground. Marcus swam through his ink in squid form, turning back to humanoid as he jumped out to kick Tartar while Katherine shot it with her dualies. A few feet away, Robert Bumaro sliced his blade-hand diagonally, knocking both the copies of Marcus and Katherine backwards. Pearl and Marina followed up by tossing a splatbomb each, right before their hair started glowing, flapping in the air as if by some nonexistent gust of wind. “What the- dude, what’s going on?” “Me and Sheldon may or may not have made it so the hero weapons DX can load special attacks outside of turf wars.” The shorter inkling’s eyes widened in surprise. Each weapon class had certain special attacks attached to it, which could be used to unleash a grand final strike capable of turning the tide of any turf war match. “Seriously, Marina? That’s awesome! Now; special: on!” She was encased in a giant plastic sphere. “Hey cool, a baller! I’m like a giant exploding ball of death!” She rolled towards the androids, pressing a button on the inside of her baller. It filled with pink ink, exploding and covering the two robots. Marina ran closer to the downed machines, calling, “Now it’s my turn! Special: on!” A massive stamp appeared in her hands, resembling a cubic hammer attached to a 12-foot handle. While Marina swung her ultra stamp at Marcus’s android copy, Bumaro impaled Kat’s through the torso. Both robots sparked before exploding in overlapping fireballs. “Guess they just couldn’t take the pressure.” Marina noted as the stamp disappeared, the specials having expended all their energy. On the other side of the room, Lewis incantated, “sgiath mhòr!” to generate a barrier in front of himself, blocking an electric attack from the android that resembled Sydney. She threw her splattershot, hitting it on the side of the head so it bounced back towards her before catching it in midair, pivoting on one leg to roundhouse-kick her copy in the shoulder. Ethan fired a volley of ink at his doppel followed by a blast of plasma, which sent him skidding backwards from the recoil. He used the momentum to swing the splatling around, knocking out an octoling directly behind him. Trent turned one of his dualies to the dagger option, tossing it into his double’s forehead while shooting his other firearm at it. While firing, he ran at the robot, jumping so he could pull the dagger out while kicking off its torso. Lord Blackwood sliced his blade diagonally across Madison’s clone, sending sparks flying from the collision of metal-on-metal. The machine’s organic counterpart shot at its head with her octoshot before sending it backwards with three splatbombs. Lewis moved further into the battlefield, where clones of Callie, Marie, Pearl, and Marina shot blasts of electricity at him. “gust gaoithe!” He turned his palms downwards, generating a gust of wind that levitated him above the strike. “spreadhadh deireannach!” He tossed a sphere of purple energy at the copies, engulfing them in pure thaumaturgic energy until nothing remained. While the members of the S4 stood in a row, their hair started glowing as they felt a surge of power that all of them were familiar with from their experience with turf wars. “Woah what the-” Trent exclaimed, clearly perplexed. “How are our specials activating outside of turf wars?” “Who cares? Let’s use them to destroy these dishonorable machines with honorable honor!” Sydney answered him. “Uh, yeah, what she said. Special: on!” Two missile launchers appeared on Trent’s shoulders. He fired a salvo of explosive rockets while Ethan tossed a device into the enemy group, which generated a cloud above them that rained green ink. Syd and Maddie both raised into the air, halfway between the floor and ceiling, before crashing back to the ground in two separate green eruptions of ink. The combination of tenta-missiles, inkstorm, and two splashdowns left the four robotic clones sparking and jittering for a few seconds before exploding in a massive fireball. “Now that’s what I call an explosive finish!” Trent yelled, as the S4 celebrated their victory. In the middle of the arena, Callie tossed a splatbomb at Octavio, distracting him while Callie threw her roller to knock him over. The two cousins’ specials activated, surprising them both. “Oh hell yeah! Special: on!” A massive handheld canon appeared in Callie’s grip. “Hey cool, a sting ray.” She fired the weapon, a massive laser continuously striking Octavio. While he was paralysed, Marie used her burst bomb launcher to toss dozens of bombs at the octarian leader. Their vision was almost completely obstructed as Octavio screamed, “This is impossible! How could I be defeated by the likes of you?!” By the time the specials ran out, Octavio could no longer be seen. “And that’s the end of Octavio!” Marie celebrated. “Holy… I don’t believe it.” Callie breathed. “It’s finally over. For real this time.” “Hey, don’t be so surprised. Dude tried to destroy our entire species multiple times, and tried to keep his own species under mind control just because he wanted revenge over something that happened 100 years ago. Trust me, it was either us or him.” “Yeah, good point.” While the others were celebrating their victories, Lauren swam through her own ink, jumping out to shift back into humanoid form to kick Tartar in the face. Marcus tossed his splatling into its side, letting it bounce off of Tartar so he could grab it out of the air, distracting the robot long enough for Katherine to jump onto its back, stabbing her daggers into its head and using the momentum to flip forward, leaving a pair of small gashes on its head. “You are only delaying the inevitable, test subject 10,008. I watched for thousands of years as your ancestors proved their incompetence as a species, and how their descendants could never hope to prove worthy of the knowledge of humankind. That is why I will annihilate all life on earth, to rebuild this world in my own image. The professor’s dream of a flawless world will yet be realized.” “Okay, seriously Tar, I know you’re a machine, but could you at least try to be varied? Unworthy successors this, perfect world that, we get it.” As Marcus spoke, the three agents’ hair started to glow a bright yellow, green, and purple as their specials activated. “And now...” Lauren grinned, glaring at Tartar dead-on. “...this is the part where we send you to the scrap heap where you belong. Special: on!” She rose into the air, performing a splashdown to knock Tartar to the ground. Marcus and Katherine stayed in the air longer, propelled upwards by twin jets of purple ink. They fired explosive bursts from their inkjets while Tartar tried to attack them with blasts of plasma and electricity that fell just short of actually hitting them. By the time they fell back to the floor a good 20 feet away, special weapons exhausted, Tartar was covered in 3 different hues of ink, sparks flying from all over. "I am commander Tartar, the last and greatest creation of humankind! I am the god of the new world!” The sparks grew in brightness and frequency until Tartar was reduced to a fireball that quickly dissipated. “Yeah, yeah, go home and cry to your motherboard.” Katherine joked, as the agents turned their backs to the explosion so they weren’t blinded. “Good news everyone, looks like that’s all of them.” Lewis announced, looking around at the room covered in ink and fire. “Yeah, we managed to finally take down Octavio.” Callie added. “Good. Now, I will be returning to my followers. The rest of you can do as you will.” Bumaro stated, as the 14-man group headed back up the stairs.

“I can’t believe it’s finally over.” Lauren mused to herself as they walked back to the base. Most of them, anyway; Bumaro had gone his own way after they’d abandoned what was left of Tartar’s house while Lewis claimed he had to return to his bartending duties. “Octavio’s actually gone.” “Yeah, you fought him a couple years back, didn’t you?” Ethan replied. “Yeah, course that time he had a giant mech.” “Same here.” Marcus interjected. “I actually never fought Octavio before all this interdimensional stuff happened.” Kat reminded them. “Just think. Without Octavio, there’s no one left to control the octarians. They can finally do what they want, have free will, live wherever they choose. It’s going to be a new golden age for everyone.” “And if someone attempts to fill the power vacuum no doubt left behind? If some of this Octavio’s subjects were genuinely loyal to his ideologies? Then what?” Lord Blackwood asked. “Then we’ll keep fighting.” Marcus answered simply. “We’re the new squidbeak splatoon; saving the world is our job.” the naturalist nodded, apparently satisfied. After a few minutes of relative silence between the dozen of them, Ethan pulled Lauren to the back of the group. “Yeah, man? What is it?” “Just wanted to know, how’ve you been doing? I mean, with the whole...” His hand made a circular motion in the air. “Oh, that? Yeah, I’m fine now. Getting back to my old town really helped me clear my mind, plus I’ll admit it was nice getting to meet Tyler’s other friends. The two of us hadn’t talked in so long, not since I moved here two years ago.” “That’s good. So, now that you’re back, does that mean I’m no longer agent 3?” The yellow-haired inkling chuckled. “No, I don’t plan on quitting again any time soon. Still, you’re an agent nonetheless. On an unrelated note, have you ever heard of something called sleep paralysis?” “Uh, no I can’t say that I have.” The blue-haired inkling’s eyes narrowed in confusion. “Well, it’s basically what happens when your mind wakes up before your body does, so you’re completely unable to move, plus since you’re technically still dreaming, that means you can hallucinate things from your nightmares appearing in your room, and there’s a weird time thing so even though it only lasts for a few seconds it can feel like hours. All in all, I wouldn’t exactly recommend it.” “Yeah, I can, uh, I can definitely see why. So, got any plans for christmas?” “Not really. I just want to enjoy the holidays with my friends and hope the multiverse is still standing by new years.” “Yeah, same.” The team continued walking until they reached the base. It was time to tell the others the good news.


	60. a harmless kitten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the beginning of the end

“Okay, we need to figure out a way to make money now that we’ve lost our jobs at the cafe.” Nate told his team, where Eric had agreed to let them meet at his place. “I would just like to point out, for the record, that I never actually worked there. I just make my money from turf wars and odd jobs around town.” Eric reminded him. “Yes, well, I was speaking generally. Although, odd jobs could be a good idea.” “Agreed. Turf wars are only once a week, but we can do things around Innsmouth basically whenever.” Margaret agreed. “Then it’s settled. We’ll go around town, helping others with whatever they need in exchange for payment until we can find a real job.” Tyler stated. “Well, we can make it a real job. Why don’t we set up a booth outside to advertise our services?” Samantha suggested. “Alright, I guess that could work. I mean, I mostly just wander around looking for customers, but now that we’re a five-man business we should probably start being a little official about it.” “Alright, then it’s settled. We get the advertising booth ready in the backyard, then Eric can run it while the rest of us wander around looking for customers.” Margaret recommended. “Sounds good.” Tyler stood up. “Alright blue team, let’s set up our new business.”

“Whoo! This is great, guys! Octavio and Tartar are finally gone, there haven’t been any SCPs in days, and we’ve got everyone we need to take down the Scarlet King once and for all!” Callie cheered, hanging up some multicolored christmas decorations. “Well, you’ve got a point there. How long do you think it’ll be before we have to take on the ol’ SK?” Marie asked her cousin. “Who knows? I’m not exactly an expert when it comes to extradimensional outer gods.” She turned to the other side of the room. “Hey, Jack, you’re the smart one of your merry little foursome, aren’t you? Any theories on when the Scarlet King’s going to attack?” “Well, I’m only the ‘smart one’ when it comes to Ways. Remember, me, Dana, Fred, and Troy didn’t even know this guy existed until recently, so it’s not like I’ve got any clue about its actual strategy.” “Yeah, fair point. So, want to help me out with the decorations?” “I’d love to Cal, but I’m going with the others to the Wanderer’s Library. Troy thinks we can do some more research, and I honestly agree with him.” “Alright, you guys have fun with that.” “Yeah, sifting through infinite pages to research one of the most dangerous entities in existence. Should be riveting.” He snarked, walking out of the living room. In the kitchen, Dr. Trevor Bailey was scrolling through news headlines on his phone, trying to find any evidence of recent SCP attacks. “Anyone find anything yet?” He asked absently, focusing on the articles in front of him. “Oh! I think I’ve got something!” Marcus ran over from the other side of the table, showing Trevor his phone. A video was playing on it of what appeared to be an older teenaged inkling starting to walk backwards down a flight of stairs, only to abruptly trip and fall offscreen. “Thank you, but that’s not exactly what I’m looking for.” He continued to scroll down. “Now this, on the other hand, is.” He held up his phone for the younger boy to see. The picture was a street, covered in multiple different colors of ink-blood. “Woah, woah, yeah, that’s… no way could a single inkling or octoling have that much in them; it had to be an entire group. Any idea which SCP it was?” “I’m not sure, but I’ll analyse the reports as best I can to try and figure out which one it was.” “Alright, need me for anything?” “No, kid, I should be fine on my own. I’ll call you and your little friends when I find something.” “Cool.” Marcus walked away, the conversation clearly over.

A few hours after the blue team’s last meeting, Eric was sitting at the booth in his yard, facing the road. It wasn’t anything elaborate, just a desk with some 2-foot wooden posts on the front corners, with a banner between them reading ‘Blue team 5-man odd jobs; 100 sea snails/worker/job or hour.’ He’d been waiting for someone to come by or one of the others to call him when a middle-aged man came up, clearing his throat. “Hello sir, how can I help you today?” He asked, trying his best to make it sound natural and unrehearsed. “Hey wait, do I know you?” “I don’t believe so.” The older inkling answered. “No, wait, I recognize you from somewhere.” Eric leaned over the table, squinting at his customer. “Oh, now I remember! You’re the manager from the Innsmouth cafe, aren’t you?” “Well, ex-manager now. Speaking of which, I figure I should apologize for the way I snapped at all of you when that happened, especially seeing as you and that other girl didn’t even work there.” “Hey, don’t worry about it. Your business got completely wrecked, of course you were mad. Besides, you’re a customer now; preferably of the paying variety. So, what do you need?” “I’ve been working on getting the cafe back up and running, but I only have another week before I officially have to shut down for good.” “Alright, so I’m guessing you want us to help you get the place ready, right?” “Exactly. Of course, I’ll pay you in full.” “We can work with that. Just let me call the others.” He pulled out his phone, calling the others.

“You wanted to see us, brother?” Thomas asked, sitting at the kitchen table along with the other Baileys and the three agents he recognized from Sloth’s Pit last halloween. “Yeah, I think I’ve figured out which SCP we’re dealing with.” He turned his phone to them, pinching the screen so it zoomed in on what looked like a cat with orange-and-black striped fur, almost resembling a tiger, on the other side of the blood-covered street. “That’s SCP-247, isn’t it?” Tristan realized, Trevor nodding in confirmation. “But it’s adorable.” Kat pointed out, as though this should’ve been blindingly obvious. “How can that-” She pointed at the kitten. “-be responsible for that?” She pointed at the bloodied pavement. “That’s just what it wants you to think.” Trevor explained, “SCP-247 is a Bengal tiger, but it has some sort of anomalous effect where anyone who sees it believes it to be a perfectly normal, harmless kitten, regardless of whether or not they have any prior knowledge of its effects.” “Okay, that actually sounds pretty bad.” Lauren admitted. “So, if this thing convinces people it’s just a cat, then how are we having this conversation?” “Well, the memory-changing thing only takes effect when you get near 247, so for now we all know what it really is and we can plan.” “Alright, where is it?” Marcus asked, Trevor looking back to his phone. “Looks like it’s near someplace called the Reef. You kids ever been there?” “Yeah, that’s one of the most popular hangouts in the area. We need to get there now.” Katherine explained, getting up from the table. “No, we need a plan. Otherwise, we’ll forget what that thing does as soon as we get near it and we’ll all get killed by a tiger because we think it’s a kitten.” Thomas argued. “Okay, I see your point.” she sat back down. “Now, does anyone have any ideas?” Trevor asked, putting his phone down to receive suggestions.

The cafe was a wreck, with broken windows, acid-burned walls and floors, and furniture strewn all over on their sides. “Woah. I didn’t think it was this bad.” Tyler breathed out. “Yeah, I think we were mostly just concentrating on, y‘know, not dying.” “In any case, I’m hoping you five can get this place fixed up, at least enough so it isn’t demolished. Especially seeing as I can’t exactly afford professional repairmen right now.” “Okay, fair enough. Come on guys, let’s get this place fixed up so we can get our jobs back.” Sam decided, as the six of them grabbed some cleaning supplies from the corner. “Uh, dude, what’re you doing?” Eric asked the manager, holding a mop and cleaning solution. “Well, I want this place repaired as much as all of you. Don’t worry, I’ll still pay you all full price.” “Good enough for me.” Margaret interjected, trying to stand a table upright.

Everyone in position?” Tristan asked over the six-way communicator. “Affirmative.” Trevor responded. “Confirmed.” Thomas added. “You got it.” Marcus finished, Lauren and Katherine with him as per their plan. “Alright, let’s get started. Trevor, you got a visual on 247?” At Tristan’s request his brother started looking around below the rooftop he was positioned at. “Got it. It’s near the southeast corner.” “Right, you heard the man. Kids, you remember your part in this, right?” “Yeah, we drop some splat bombs so the cat thinks they’re blood, then while it’s busy drinking you guys shoot it with some tranq darts so you can get it back into containment.” Lauren summarised. “Precisely. Now, get on with it already.” Tristan ordered. The three agents conjured a splatbomb each, dropping them near the SCP. They exploded, the cat immediately running away toward the center of the area. “I think we startled it.” Katherine pointed out. “Yeah, thanks for the vital insight. Now, anyone got any more bright ideas?” Trevor asked. “Well, what if we dropped some splat bombs into its path? That way, it won’t be startled by the noise.” Marcus suggested. “That’s actually not an entirely terrible idea. Except, how are we going to get in front of the thing?” Thomas asked. “The three of us can split up, moving around the Reef until one of us gets to just the right angle. Then, the other two can set up some teleport beacons for you guys to get close enough to tranq it.” Mark replied. “Alright, not bad, kid. We’ve already got our transporters, so it should work.” The three agents split off, running around the Reef on ground level. After a few minutes, Katherine’s communicator beeped. “Yeah, what is it?” “Kid, I’m seeing SCP-247 headed toward you, about 500 feet away to the east.” “Alright, thanks Thomas.” She tossed a splatbomb in the direction opposite the afternoon sun, hard enough that she leaned forward from the force of her own throw. 100 feet away, the bomb exploded to leave a moderate-sized puddle of purple ink. Katherine ran behind an artificially-made hill, meant to provide cover during turf wars, before calling the inklings in their little squad. “Guys, I’ve got the SCP in the middle of the Reef.” “Alright, cool. Now we just have to put down the teleport beacons.” Lauren confirmed. “We’ll call the Baileys to let them know when we’re ready.” “Alright, Mark, good.” Kat turned off the communicator, running to get as far away as possible from the demon cat. A few seconds later, the Bailey triplets teleported to Marcus’s teleport beacon, having a higher vantage point to tell which of them was closer. All three of them pulled out their tranquilizer guns, shooting the SCP in the side with the darts. It paused its drinking, purple ink dripping from its mouth, before stumbling around, waving its head around to stay awake before inevitably falling over. “Alright, now to get it back in containment.” Lauren remarked, running over to where the others were. “Exactly. Fortunately, the mental part of its effect doesn’t work while it’s sleeping.” Tristan walked over to the sleeping tiger, which still looked exactly like a cat, before lifting its front paws off the ground. “Trevor, Thomas, get over here. This thing’s a tiger and it weighs as much as one. You, yellow-haired kid, see if you can find something to carry this thing on.” “You got it!” Lauren ran off, trying not to laugh at the sight of three grown men struggling to lift a tiny cat. “Time to actually contribute to this mission!” She ran to the entrance of the Reef, looking for something preferably with wheels on it. “Oh, perfect!” She grabbed an empty shopping cart that someone had apparently left there. It was bigger than most, so it was probably one of those expensive carts meant for delivering larger purchases. She pushed the cart towards the others, standing on the bottom section once she had enough momentum before jumping off, digging her heels into the ground to skid the cart to a stop. “This was the best I could do, but I think all six of us should be able to get it in there.” “Alright, I think we can work with this. You three start helping us with this thing.” Thomas ordered, the teenagers doing as he told them. After several minutes, they managed to load the fully-grown tiger into the shopping cart. “Well, that was way harder than it should’ve been.” Marcus muttered, rubbing his shoulder from the effort of lifting the cat. “Maybe, but at least now we can get it back to the foundation.” Tristan threw down a dimensional transporter, opening a portal into a foundation site. “I’ll be right back, you five can go back to base if you want.” “Will do.” Trevor affirmed, the rest of the group leaving the Reef.

A few hours after they started restoring the Innsmouth cafe, the blue team was walking back home in the afternoon. “So, should be a few more days before we finish.” Tyler reminded them. “Yeah, not to mention the pay’s pretty great.” Margaret added. “Hey, what’s that over there?” She pointed a few hundred feet away where a building was partially obscured by some trees and houses. “What? Oh, yeah, I don’t think I’ve seen that building before. Come on, let’s check it out.” Before anyone could respond, Nate started running off towards the structure. After a few minutes, the five-man team was crouched behind some bushes, looking at the building. “Hey, there’s a logo.” Samantha pointed to the wall, where they could barely make out a symbol on the stark white wall of the building. “Yeah, let me take a photo.” Tyler pulled out his phone, quickly taking a picture of the logo before pocketing his phone. “Come on, let’s get out of here.” Nate recommended, the group rushing to leave the place.

The night after helping with SCP-247, Lauren sat up in her bed, unable to sleep. Between Christmas being only a few days off and the inevitable battle with the Scarlet King being just on the horizon, she had far too much to think about to sleep. Deciding to distract herself, she pulled out her phone to see she had a message from Tyler.

Tyler: Hey, sorry to bother you, but me and the others saw this weird building just outside of town. We’ve never seen it before, but it had this logo on it. I know you’ve seen a lot of crazy stuff lately, so maybe you recognize it?

Lauren spent a few moments staring in shock at the photo of a familiar red-and-black circle logo. After thinking for a while, she typed out and sent her response.

Lauren: It rings a bell.


	61. dust and blood part I: the shadow at innsmouth

“Alright, team, here’s the situation.” Lauren started, pacing back and forth in front of Marcus, Katherine, Ethan, Sydney, Trent, Madison, Tyler, Margaret, Nate, Samantha, and Eric. “A Chaos Insurgency base has appeared just outside of Innsmouth county, and the dozen of us have to destroy it before they mind-control the entire town, or mutate everyone, or who-knows-what.” “Uh, quick question.” Margaret raised her hand, sitting upright at Tyler’s kitchen table where they were having their team meeting. “How do we know the Insurgency is hostile?” “Because a few months ago, me and Kat had to team up with a group of Serpent’s Hand members to save her after they mind-controlled her into working for them. Trust me, we’ve got a bit of a history with the Chaos Insurgency.” Marcus explained. “Plus, they call themselves the Chaos Insurgency. Not exactly a trustworthy name.” Katherine added. “Alright, fair enough. So, what’s the plan?” Nate asked, leaning forward. “Okay, first off, we need some way to infiltrate their base.” Lauren offered. “That’s why I’m going to pretend to still be mind-controlled.” “Wait a sec, how do you know that’s going to work? What if they know you’re free now? What if pretending to still be under their control sets something off and you relapse?” Sam argued. “Well, she can probably convince them easy enough. I mean, we pulled her out of their base into the Wanderer’s Library before removing the control. For all they know, she could still be on their side. Still, you might have a point about the relapse thing.” Mark hesitated. “Hey, I got mind controlled twice in the span of a few months and had a full-on breakdown when my friend got possessed by a scientist with a magic amulet. At this point, I think it’s about time I got over my issues and started fighting for what really matters. Namely, sticking it to the Chaos Insurgency.” “Hey, Lauren? I understand wanting to take these guys out, but are you sure you’re not doing this out of some sort of revenge thing?” Trent asked hesitantly. “What? No, no, of course not. Why would I want revenge on a group that took my free will for days and left me a complete nervous wreck for months afterwards constantly trying not to have a complete mental breakdown in front of my friends until I eventually had to leave town at which point everything went to complete hell? That-that’s absurd.” After a brief moment of awkward silence, she continued, “Anyway, I managed to convince Sheldon to give me a prototype of a device he’s been working on for the New Squidbeak Splatoon for a few months now. Course, the hardest part was listening to him ramble on and on about the design, but I managed to get it before we teleported over here.” She took a small, yellow, spherical device on the table from her pocket. “It’s a one-way listening device. It’s tied to this-” She pulled out a flat, square device about 4 square inches in area. “Through my ink. Something about DNA or whatever, honestly I kind of stopped paying attention about 5 minutes in.” “Cool, but how do these work? And more importantly, how’d you get these with none of us noticing?” Madison eyed the two yellow devices. “Well, I managed to get up early in the morning. As for how they work, the round one is a listening device while the square one is a recording device. They work in real-time with each other, which means that any noise that comes into my end will come out of this end. Blue team, you 5 stay here with the listening device and some transporters. Marcus, Lauren, S4, the seven of you should stay closer to the Insurgency base with the five teleport beacons we brought here so that blue team can get there quickly when they hear something suspicious.” “Cool, cool, but why are you the one going in? And why aren’t any of your friends from the foundation helping us out here?” Nate asked. “Because...” The young agent sighed nervously. “Because I’m the one here with the most inside knowledge on the Insurgency now that I’ve got my memories back from that time. As for backup from the foundation, the rest of our group is back at Inkopolis preparing to fight the Scarlet King.” “Alright. So, we’re going to wait here while the others wait near the Insurgency base with some teleport beacons. And you’re going to convince them that you’re still on their side?” Eric recapped. “Yep. And since the listening device is tapped into my DNA...” She held out her hand, tapping the square device to her palm. It liquefied, her skin folding around it to absorb the object into herself. “I can absorb it, so they won’t suspect a thing.” She pressed a button on the spherical device, causing it to light up yellow like a monochromatic disco ball. “There. Now any sound that enters here-” She pointed at her hand. “-will come out of there.” She pointed at the sphere. Her voice sounded doubled, coming out of the device and her mouth simultaneously. “Woah. Freaky.” Katherine remarked. “So, everyone ready?” The 11 others nodded hesitantly. “Good. I just hope I am.”

“Okay. Okay, dude. You-you can do this. Just walk up, knock on the door, and-and get the group who enslaved you to take you back in so you can act as a spy to take them down from the inside.” Lauren got up from the bush she was hiding behind, steeling herself for her part of the plan. She stood fully upright, changing her expression to look as neutral as possible. She then decided to practice her voice. “I am with the insurgency.” Perfect; it was just the right amount of emotionless and robotic that she should be reasonably able to pass off as mind-controlled. Steadily and monotonously, she walked up to the building, knocking on it. No answer; not a surprise. She looked up to see a security camera. Figuring someone could see her, she looked up. “Let me in.” She spoke, as robotically as possible. After a few moments, the door opened and she had to stifle a yelp as she was roughly dragged inside by her shirt collar, the door closing behind her. The hallway was fairly well lit, but its narrow width and stainless steel walls still felt oddly claustrophobic. “What are you doing here?” The man asked, no emotion present in his voice. “Don’t you remember me, master?” She barely stopped herself gagging at calling him her master. “You took me in from a foundation site months ago.” He took off his helmet, squinting to get a better look at the girl who could’ve sworn she recognized him from somewhere. “Now I remember. But how did you survive for months on your own?” There was no concern in his voice, it was more like he was asking out of some sort of necessity. “I was pulled by the Serpent’s Hand into the Library, where I was able to kill them before wandering around the Library until returning to my native dimension, where I was able to locate this base.” “Yes, it is odd that we spontaneously appeared here yesterday with no discernible cause. It’s also odd that your vital signs completely disappeared from our databanks.” He leaned in slightly closer, and Lauren completely broke character as she recognized him as the man who she’d fought in that truck all those months ago, the one she called Jeff because she neither knew nor cared about his real name. “You.” She snarled, trembling with anger. She jumped at him, only for him to grab her arms and use her own momentum to toss her onto the floor. “Guys! Guys get over here now! I need backup!” She called into the device in her hand right before the Insurgency agent grabbed her by the arm, lifting her off the ground. “So, you put a communication device in your hand? Fascinating.” He pulled a knife out of his pocket, bringing it to her knuckle. Lauren screamed in terror, turning into a squid to drop onto the ground. The enemy agent stepped on her, forcing her back into humanoid form as she was slammed into the wall. She felt a sharp pain as a needle was jabbed into her side and she was unable to shapeshift. “How-how did you…” She gasped, already feeling herself losing consciousness. “Turn off sha-shapeshifting?” “Just a bit of DNA harvesting when we first contained you. Now, let’s try again.”

“So, would you guys call that a red flag?” Tyler asked, as Nate was still trying to get the listening device to emit any noise other than static. “Crimson.” Eric answered. “Now come on, we don’t want to be late for the party.” The five of them activated their transporters, teleporting to the rest of the team.

A few minutes later, the blue team, S4, and half of Mobile Ink Force were running towards the Insurgency base. “I knew we shouldn’t have let her go off on her own, there were too many risks.” Marcus muttered to himself. “Oh really? Didn’t exactly see you raising any objections.” Eric argued. “I-I know. It’s just, I thought we could hope for the best.” “Hey, guys, how are we going to get inside the base? I mean, it’s not like we can just knock on the door.” Ethan realized. “There’s 11 of us and we can each throw up to five splatbombs at a time. I think we’ll manage.” Trent answered. “Yeah, fair enough.” The group approached the entrance, throwing as many bombs as they physically could until the door caved in from multicolored explosions. The hallway started flashing red as an alarm started blaring. “Do you think they know we’re here?” Margaret asked, followed up by multiple Insurgency agents entering from the other side of the hall. “It might be a possibility.” Kat snarked. “Come on team, let’s destroy these dishonorable interlopers with-” “Come on Syd, hurry it up!” Madison interrupted, pushing past her friend. The group had to turn into their cephalopod forms to duck under a barrage of gunfire, though most of the opposing agents couldn’t actually fire in such an enclosed space. Eric pushed his roller in front of him on the ground, vaulting with it while keeping his grip so that he dropkicked an Insurgency agent before spinning the roller around him to smack a few more to the ground. Marcus struck several with his splatling, shooting more with the weapon. “We just need to get past these guys and into the main base.” Kat turned her dualies into daggers, spinning around to slash at her enemies. Trent fired his dualies at an agent farther away from them. “Someone clear a path for us!” “On it!” Ethan fired a blast of plasma out of his splatling, carving a hole in the Insurgency’s ranks. “That’ll work.” They rushed through the entrance, fighting off the dozen or so remaining Chaos Insurgency agents. The main base was significantly larger than it looked on the outside, being plenty big enough for a turf war match. Halfway between the floor and ceiling, a platform jutted out of the back wall, accessible by some stairs on the left and right ends. Dozens of agents were going for their weapons while one carried an unconscious girl to a door in the back of the upper platform. “Guys, I found Lauren. I’ll go get her, the rest of you stay here and keep the Insurgency off my back.” Katherine ordered. “No way.” Marcus objected. “We’ll have more of an advantage if we do a pincer maneuver. I’ll go on the left side, you go right.” He turned to the S4 and blue team. “You guys can handle yourselves down here, right?” “You kidding?” Eric passed his roller between his hands. “The five of us took down that freaky alien thing a while back, and these guys-” he gestured over to the S4. “-apparently have those crazy high-tech secret agent weapons. I think we’ll be fine.” “Awesome. C’mon dude, let’s go.” Katherine and Marcus ran over to opposite sides of the elevated platform while the others charged into the Insurgency base. Nate swung his inkbrush, slamming into an enemy agent hard enough to send him sprawling. Samantha lined up a charger shot, Taking out another directly behind Kat as she continued to fight her way up the stairs. Sydney threw down splatbombs just as much as she shot opponents with her splattershot, allowing her to surprise the enemy by camouflaging in the puddles of ink using her squid form. Tyler and Madison stood back-to-back, circling around to fight as many agents as possible. “Hey, is that an octoshot?” Tyler asked absently, still concentrating on the fight. “Yep, replica made by Sheldon. He’s the best weapons engineer in Inkopolis.” “Nice.”

Lauren could feel herself slowly regaining consciousness as she tried to remember what happened. She remembered fighting an Insurgency agent, and realized she was being carried towards an operating table. “Not again.” She muttered, before kicking out and punching him in the face. His kevlar helmet meant it hurt her more than him, but he was startled enough that she managed to stand back up on the floor. She rolled under his arms, trying to get to the door. She fell over as another Insurgency agent tasered her in the back, causing her to scream in pain.

Marcus ran up the stairs, slamming his splatling into multiple agents at a time while shooting the ones farther up. By the time he approached the door in the middle of the back wall, he heard what sounded like a muffled, but still audibly female scream. "Lauren! Gotta get in there." He muttered to himself, seeing Kat coming up the stairs. She'd turned one of her dualies into a dagger while keeping the other as a ranged weapon, allowing her to jump up and slash at any Insurgents that got too close while shooting at others coming up the stairs from behind. She also made sure to shoot her purple ink at the floor just as much as the enemies, slowing them down significantly while she made her way to the upper platform. A scream came from behind the door, while Marcus was already at the door. “Oh, good, Kat, you’re here. Stand back, I’m going to blast that door open with a plasma shot.” He fired his splatling, reducing the door to a smoldering heap. The two ran into the room, where Lauren was being strapped to an operating table. “Guys, you made it! Get me out of here, and then we can take these guys out!” She screamed again as she was tasered in the side, while another Insurgent used a control console to lower a device jutting out of the ceiling, which ended in a needle-like point, towards her head. “I’ll get Lauren off that table, you neutralize the machine.” Katherine suggested. “Sounds good.” Marcus ran over, shooting his splatling at the agent operating the machine. He managed to dodge, while another grabbed his weapon from behind, turning it away from the control console. Marcus wrestled the splatling out of his hands, turning around to slam it into the insurgent’s head. “Kat, how’s it going?” “Working on it!” She yelled over, slashing her daggers at the metal straps on Lauren’s hands. “Kat, I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but get me off this thing before I get mind controlled all over again and kill you!” “I’m sorry, but these straps are really well-made!” She continued to slash, sparks flying from the collision of metal-on-metal. The machine operator turned on the device, shooting a beam of multicolored light into Lauren’s forehead. She screamed in fear and pain, struggling desperately against the straps until her knuckles and ankles started bleeding yellow ink-blood. “No! No, no no no no no no.” Marcus got to the machine, jumping to kick the operator away from it. He raised his splatling to slam it into the device, before he was grabbed from behind by an Insurgency agent. He bent his knees inward, kicking the enemy in the knees to release him. Kat started stabbing at the metal strap, which continued to show no signs of denting. While trying to fight off the enemy agents guarding the machine, Marcus called the others on his communicator. “Guys, get up here now! We need backup!” “Okay, we’ll be right there. Just hold out for a minute or two longer.” Eric’s voice sounded from the device. Marcus fired his splatling, taking out half a dozen Insurgents at once. Lauren continued to scream, tears streaming down her face. She struggled to speak, barely managing to gasp out, “Guys. Leave. Now. Please. Before...before they…... get you too.” She screamed again, falling unconscious as the machine stopped firing. “Nice work Mark!” Kat called over to her friend, who was still fighting off a small army of Chaos Insurgency agents. “What? Oh no. I didn’t do that.” His communicator started beeping, Nate’s voice sounding, “Marcus! We’re surrounded here; we need backup!” “Kinda got the same problem here!” Nearby, the operating table straps unhinged, allowing Lauren to regain consciousness and stand upright, her eyes glassy and expressionless. “No, no, not again.” Kat muttered, as her friend stalked towards her. “You are an enemy of the Insurgency.” Her tone was monotonous and droning, but with an underlying air of malice. “Yes, and so are you! Come on, try to remember! You’ve been through this before, fight it this time!” The girl lunged at her, pinning Kat to the ground while knocking her daggers out of her hands. “I would never oppose the insurgency.” She started clawing at Kat’s eyes, forcing the octoling to hold her hands back. “Come on! Marcus, help me out here!” “Kinda busy right now, Katherine!” The younger inkling swung his splatling, knocking multiple Chaos Insurgents unconscious while Lauren continued trying to gouge her friend’s eyes out.

Lauren found herself completely unable to move, surrounded by a void of pitch blackness. The only thing she could see was something that looked like her, in front of a screen showing her hands trying to attack Katherine. “What? What’s going on here?” No response from the copy. “Let me guess: I’ve been banished into my mindscape or whatever it’s called, and you’re, I dunno, the embodiment of the Insurgency’s control over me. Sound about right?” No response. “No. Not this time.” She started concentrating on moving, while the copy continued to control her on the outside.

“Come on team, we need to get out of here!” Nate screamed, fighting off an enemy agent with his inkbrush. “Okay, I think I’ve got an idea.” Ethan fired another blast of plasma, taking out a dozen insurgents while knocking himself back. “Sam, can you fire one of us out of your charger?” “You kidding? That’s one of my favorite moves!” “Great! Fire me onto the platform, and I’ll set down a beacon for you guys to teleport up there.” “Alright, sounds like as good a plan as any.” Ethan turned into his squid form, jumping on top of Samantha’s charger. She turned it straight up, firing the S4 member into the air.

Marcus continued to fight the Chaos Insurgency, eventually carving a big enough gap in their ranks that he was able to fire a plasma blast, taking out several Insurgents at once while launching himself backwards out of the throng. “Kat, hold on!” The octoling kicked Lauren in the stomach, forcing her off. “Sorry.” She quickly stood up, looking around. “Mark, we need to get Lauren out of the mind control. Try to jog her memory; I think it might be the only way to get her back.” “And how do you suggest we do that? A slideshow?” “No, we just need to-Outta the way!” They both dodged in opposite directions as their friend dove at them, jumping to the side to kick Marcus in the stomach. She grabbed his splatling, trying to wrestle it out of his hands. “Lauren, stop, this isn’t right! You’re agent 3, not some cheap puppet! You can fight this!” She elbowed him in the jaw, causing him to release his weapon. “I’ll just fight you instead.”She swung the splatling into Marcus's stomach, causing him to double over in pain so she could slam it into his back to knock him to the ground. “This is your last chance. Will you join the Insurgency and contribute to the glory of a new world order?” “No, and neither will you.” The thing controlling Lauren lifted the splatling, her finger on the button for the plasma blast. “Then you will be killed in the name of the Chaos Insurgency.”

Lauren continued struggling as Marcus and Katherine tried to reach her through the copy’s control of her physical form. She looked through her own eyes again, as the thing prepared to shoot Marcus with his own spatling. “No! Marcus!” She struggled more desperately than ever, concentrating on moving. Her leg moved forward, followed by the other, until she was sprinting through her own subconscious to grab her Insurgent self from behind. “I’m done letting you play around in my body!” She screamed in the other her’s ear, as they continued to struggle for control.

“Then you will be killed in the name of the Chaos Insurgency.” Lauren made to press the button, Marcus closing his eyes before hearing her gasp out in surprise. She dropped the splatling, blinking a few times until her eyes regained their usual expressiveness. “Marcus! I’m so sorry-” She stumbled backwards, the Insurgency’s control taking her back. The younger inkling grabbed his splatling, standing back up. “Katherine, you were right! She’s fighting it!” The blue team and S4 entered the room, all of them having teleported away from dozens of Chaos Insurgency agents. “Guys, Lauren’s being mind-controlled. Marcus and I think we can get through to her, but these Insurgents aren’t exactly going to stand around and let us. Think you can handle it?” “You kidding?” Tyler held his splattershot in firing position. “At this point, I think we can handle just about anything.” The others nodded in agreement, mobilizing to combat the enemy forces. Margaret jumped up, covering one agent’s head with her bucket-like slosher before using it as leverage to vault overhead and dive-kick two more. She fell over, Trent firing his dualies to cover her while she got back up. “Thanks.” “Don’t mention it. Now come on, let’s keep going.”

Lauren’s copy had managed to escape her grip, kicking her away. “It’s too late for you, you glorified bootleg. This is my mind, and I’m taking it back.” Lauren jumped, spinning around to kick the Insurgency’s puppet in the face.

The controlled one kicked Marcus in the stomach, giving Katherine an opening to jump on her back. “Come on buddy, remember the metro! Everything we’ve been through together! Don’t let it all go to waste!” She was thrown off, Marcus pinning his friend’s arms to her sides. “Try to remember who you are. The New Squidbeak Splatoon, fighting the octarians, turf wars, everything! Remember when we first met after you two escaped the Deepsea Metro and we tried to pull an all-nighter! Remember just a few days ago when we destroyed Octavio and Tartar!” She turned into a squid to escape his grip, slipping behind to kick him in the back. “I am an agent of the Chaos Insurgency. I-” she stumbled around, holding her head. “No. No. I...I am.. agent...th...three...No. I belong to the insurgency. All who oppose the Insurgency must be killed.” “I think it’s working. Keep going!” Kat celebrated.

Lauren continued to punch and kick at the entity masquerading as her, until jumping to dropkick it in the stomach. “I am sick of being someone else’s puppet!” The thing stood back up, just to get punched in the face again. “I am sick of getting beaten!” She turned to kick it in the knee. “And I am especially sick of you!” She grabbed it by the arms, swinging it around until throwing it towards the screen showing her eyesight, where it struggled to stand up before completely dissolving, leaving no trace of itself behind.

Trent shot his dualies at multiple Insurgents, turning them into daggers to jump up, stabbing them into the back of one enemy’s shoulders to use as leverage to vault overhead. “Guys, how’s it going?” “Great! At this rate, we should be done in no time.” Margaret turned to another Insurgency agent, swinging her slosher at him.

“I am...am...am..the insurge...age...” Lauren continued to stumble around, punching and kicking wildly at Marcus and Katherine. After a few more seconds, she fell to her knees, holding her head. “Lauren! You alright?” Katherine ran over, trying to help her friend stand up. “Kat, wait, what if she’s still-” Marcus’s question was interrupted when the older girl opened her eyes, showing them to no longer be glassed over by the Insurgency’s control. “I...” She looked at her hands before grinning. “I’m back! Guys, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I let them-” The wind was knocked out of her by the other two agents embracing her. “It’s not your fault. Plans fail, it happens.” Mark assured his friend. “So, are we still going to fight the insurgency?” Katherine asked, Lauren gently pushing the others off herself. “We don’t have a choice. Otherwise, the same thing that happened to me is going to happen to dozens, maybe hundreds, of civilians. As agents of the New Squidbeak Splatoon, we can’t let that happen.” “Alright, let’s do this!” Marcus yelled, firing a blast of plasma into the group of Chaos Insurgency agents to allow the two groups to rendezvous. Kat picked up her daggers while rolling, turning them back into dualies to shoot at her opponents. The entire 12-man party stood side-by-side, weapons at the ready. “We need to find some way to beat these guys all at once.” Tyler acknowledged. “Okay. What if we blow up some machine to cause a chain reaction?” Lauren suggested. “Like, uh, what about that machine they blasted into my mind? Marcus, Ethan, Sydney, Madison, try firing some plasma where the machine connects to the ceiling. The rest of us will hold off the Insurgency until you’re done.” “Alright, let’s do this!” Eric pushed his roller towards the opposing army while the rest of the eight-man group charged forward. Lauren fired blasts of plasma from her splattershot, looking around until she found who she was looking for. "Jeff!" She fired yellow ink, stunning her target long enough to dropkick. “Why do you keep calling me that?” “Because I don’t know your real name, and frankly I could care less!” She punched him, jumping backwards to fire another shot of plasma at her rival. He shot at her with his gun, forcing her to roll to the side. Almost immediately, he ran out of bullets, allowing the teenager to jump on his back and pull off his helmet. The Insurgent managed to throw her onto the ground, where she twisted her legs around his own to give herself time to stand back up. The Chaos Insurgency agent slammed his gun into Lauren’s face, causing her to spit out some teeth and ink-blood. In retaliation, she grabbed his arm to pull him towards her and elbow him in the neck, causing him to sputter and try to regain his breath. “This ends now, you chaotic cretin.” She fired a single blast of plasma that hit the man she called ‘Jeff’ square in the face. “So much for that rivalry.” She remarked, going back to where the other four were still firing at the machine. “I thought you were fighting the Insurgency.” Ethan pointed out. “Yeah; just dealt with some unfinished business.” “Alright, I think we got it!” Marcus yelled. “How can you tell?” Lauren asked, as the top of the machine started sparking until catching fire. “Call it a hunch. Alright guys, time to leave!” The others started throwing splatbombs, knocking down dozens of Insurgents at once while they retreated out of the room. Trent threw a beacon down to the ground level, allowing the group to teleport closer to the exit. The mind-control device was reduced to a fireball, causing the entire building to collapse a few seconds after the teenagers managed to escape. “We did it! Yes! We finally beat the Chaos Insurgency!” Lauren celebrated, jumping up and down like a hyperactive child. “Oh man, it’s like all that mind control stuff never happened.” “Yeah, well, friends don’t let friends get brainwashed by evil organisations from another dimension.” Marcus pointed out. “Hey, if you’re all up for it, party at my place?” Tyler offered, interrupted by the ground shaking beneath them. “Guys, what’s that?” Nate pointed upwards, where the sky had turned blood-red. Lauren walked forwards, straining her eyes to look in the general direction of Inkopolis, where a massive pillar of scarlet light raised towards the skyline. A shadowy figure appeared, a gargantuan head adorned with dozens of branching horns. “It’s the end of the world. The Scarlet King is free.” She turned around to survey the others. “So, who’s in?”


	62. dust and blood part II: special personnel requirements

“Everyone! Get in here now! All hands on deck!” Dr clef screamed from the living room, walking around the house to bang pots and pans together to summon everyone still there. “What is it? What’s going on?” Nathan asked, rubbing his eyes after being awoken from his attempt to sleep in. “I’ve just gotten word from the foundation that SCP-231 has disappeared. She didn’t breach containment, she disappeared.” Every other foundation employee there stood with their mouths agape, as though Clef had just foretold the day of reckoning. “Wait, which one is SCP-231? I feel like we’ll need some more context than just a number.” Jack pointed out, the serpent’s hand members having returned from their investigations empty handed. “SCP-231 was a group of 7 girls the foundation liberated from a cult that called themselves the Children of the Scarlet King. Over time, 6 of the 231 instances gave birth to different SCP creatures, resulting in their deaths and hundreds of casualties. Ever since then, we've prevented SCP-231-7 from giving birth with the daily application of procedure 110-montauk." "And what exactly is procedure 110-montauk, Clef?" Pearl asked, a calm anger clear in her tone. "I beg your pardon?" "Oh, come on. Don't think I've forgotten about Sigurrós." "I thought it would be best to neutralize SCP-239 rather than wait for her to go all Anthony Fremont on the world. But that’s beside the point. We need to find 231 within the day, otherwise she’ll give birth to something that might cause the end of the world." “Wait a second. The poem.” Marina almost whispered, as though worried someone might overhear. “What about it?” Marie asked. “Don’t you remember? The poem Lewis decoded for us.” “Hey, that’s right!” Lewis ran over to his lockbox, where he’d kept the poem ever since joining the group. “The poem talks about the seven brides of the Scarlet King, and the first six have already given birth. But the last one is in future tense: the seventh bride will break the tides, the moon no more will shine. There comes a day not far away, she’ll birth the death of time.” “Woah. It all makes sense now.” Callie held her head in surprise. “The poem, it, it all makes sense now.” Without warning, she took the paper out of Lewis’s hands before setting it on the table. “They gather round the natal bed, the foolish and the wise. They fear the child yet to be born, whose voice shall rend the skies. Obviously, that’s referring to the foundation.” Pearl continued, “The faithful watch the forest for the coming of the king. Their lanterns bright, they wait at night for the new world he shall bring. That’s gotta be the Children of the Scarlet King! They’re waiting for the King to come forth to end the world!” “Yeah, and then there’s the jars and eggs; sets of seven that each have an odd one out.” Troy remembered. “Just like the seventh 231 being the only one who still hasn’t given birth, or how a’habbat gave birth to heroes instead of monsters during the ancient times.” “This whole poem is about procedure 110-montauk and the Scarlet King. This is the one piece we were missing.” Marie surmised. “Yes, yes, this is all very interesting, but what matters right now is getting SCP-231 back into containment before she causes the apocalypse.” “Wait a sec, there’s more here.” Lewis started reading the poem again. “They gather round with leering smiles, the soulless and the dead. Though her soul unwinds, the cruelest minds will keep her in her bed. If the foundation are the ones containing 231, and the poem says ‘cruelest minds’...” He trailed off, glaring at Clef. “Well, sometimes cruelty is necessary.” The scientist rebuffed. “Sometimes, you have to choose the lesser of two evils. Sometimes, the continuous torture of an innocent girl is the only way to prevent the agonizing death of everyone on the planet.” “Yeah, you’d know all about ‘lesser of two evils’, wouldn’t you, Cleffy?” Pearl snarled, Marina putting a hand on her shoulder. “Easy, Pearl. I know you’ve had trouble with trusting Clef lately-and frankly I’m not sure I can blame you-but right now, we have to put our differences aside. This is bigger than any of us; the entire multiverse is at stake here. If putting this 231 girl back in containment is the only way to stop the Scarlet King, then we just have to accept that.” “I...Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Pearl admitted, slumping over while holding back tears. “Alright, we’re in. Let’s find this girl, and get this over with. The sooner we can put this all behind us, the better.” “Wait a second, I just remembered something.” Dana interrupted. “In the ancient times, A’habbat gave birth to heroes who fought against the monstrous children of her sisters. What if history really is repeating itself? What if the thing SCP-231 gives birth to isn’t some apocalyptic monster, but just what we need to beat the Scarlet King once and for all?” “You’ve got a point there.” Nathan admitted. “Yeah, but that was in the past. The part of the poem talking about 231 giving birth is in future tense.” Sheldon reminded her. “And if you ask me, the tides breaking and time dying doesn’t exactly sound heroic to me.” “Okay, we need to accept that procedure 110-montauk is the only way to stop the Scarlet King.” Anthony stated bluntly. “That means we all need to search the city to find her.” The entire assembled group-the Bailey triplets, Jack, Fred, Troy, Dana, lord Blackwood, Mr Deeds, Callie, Marie, Bright, Clef, Robert Bumaro, Anthony, Pearl, Marina, Lewis, Onteus, and Sheldon-all nodded, some more hesitantly than others. Before anyone could say anything else, a foundation-made portal opened in the middle of the living room with drs. King, West, Gears, and Kondraki emerging from it. “Back so soon, Konnie? After you told me about 231 disappearing, you went back to the foundation.” “Yeah, well, another SCP went missing-2317 this time.” “What?” Clef stepped back in shock. “Again, context please?” Marie asked. “What’s this one do?” “That’s just it. SCP-2317 doesn’t do anything; it’s a door that leads into another dimension.” Kondraki explained. “More specifically, it leads into a pocket dimension consisting of a massive salt pan, with seven pillars of approximately 21 feet in height arranged in a circle around the perimeter. The pillars extend 600 feet below the salt pan, into a spherical area designated SCP-2317-H. SCP-2317-H contains SCP-2317-K, a potentially apocalyptic entity contained by a set of seven chains, six of which are currently broken.” Dr. Gears elaborated. “Wait a second. Seven chains? One left? Guys, what if...” Marie hesitated before continuing, “What if 231 and 2317 are connected? What if every time one of the girls gave birth, a chain broke?” “I’d considered that as a possibility.” Clef admitted. “Which means that if the last SCP-231 instance gives birth, whether it’s to a monster or a hero, either way the thing in the alternate dimension will get free.” “And it might be the Scarlet King.” Bumaro added. “We’ll need seven people to go find SCP-2317, one from each group of interest plus someone from the foundation. The rest of us will go and find SCP-231 to get her back into containment before it’s too late.” Dr. Bright suggested. “Well, I guess any of us four could represent the Serpent’s Hand.” Troy acknowledged. “Right, and Anthony will represent the Nälkä, Bumaro will represent the Mekhanites, Farah Onteus will represent the Church of the Second Hytoth, Nathan will represent the Horizon Initiative, Trevor will represent the foundation, and I’ll represent the Fifth Church.” Lewis continued. “Okay, I think Jack should go.” Dana gently pushed him forward. “He’s kind of the leader of our little group.” “Oh, joyous day.” He responded dryly. “Good. Now that that’s all setted, can we please get back to saving the world?” Clef looked around the room, everyone speaking their agreements.

“So, are we sure about this?” Pearl asked, the group walking through the streets. “I mean, I know we all agreed it was a necessary evil, but we still don’t exactly know what the whole procedure 110-montauk thing is.” “Well, maybe Clef was right about having to worry about the greater good. Although, you might have a point about one thing.” Marina called over a few feet ahead, “Yo, Clef, what’s procedure 110-montauk?!” Clef briefly hesitated before jogging a few feet back to properly talk to them. “I don’t know. To my knowledge, the only ones allowed to know what the procedure actually entails are the 05’s, the ethics committee, if they exist, and the poor saps actually in charge of performing the procedure.” “Oh. Thanks anyway.” “Yeah, whatever, kid.” They were interrupted by the ground shaking. None of the buildings budged, but the ground felt like a magnitude 10 earthquake. A flash of blinding scarlet light appeared a few miles off, followed by a deafening roar. “Guys? I think we found it.” Kondraki breathed out, uncharacteristically horrified. “Alright team, crunch time!” Bright yelled above the clamor. “We’ll need the helicopter if we want any chance of tracking this thing down.” Marina reminded them. “C’mon, let’s go.”

Less than an hour later, the entire squadron was packed into Pearl and Marina’s helicopter, Marina piloting while following the trail of buildings that’d been reduced to rubble. Eventually, they found a gargantuan creature. It was about 100 feet tall, with long bony arms that ended in three six-foot razor sharp claws, with spikes on the elbows. Its maw contained hundreds of serrated teeth, its feet ended in curved talons, and its tail had spikes every few feet until it tapered off into a scaly whip. The entity’s entire body was covered in bright red scales. “Okay, I’m guessing that’s it.” Tristan half-whispered. “It is. Which means we need to neutralise it before the final chain breaks.” Gears confirmed. “Wonderful. And how do you suppose we do that?” Marina snapped. “Well first off, fire all weapons!” Sheldon started pressing buttons on the dashboard, causing dozens of missiles to fire out of the bottom of the helicopter. Each one exploded on the creature, covering it in multiple colors of ink while it barely flinched. The child of SCP-231-7 roared, a deafening sound that threatened to rend the barrier between dimensions. The inside of its tooth-filled maw glowed a bright hellish red, until emitting a massive fireball that rushed towards the helicopter, distorting the air around it from sheer heat. Marina barely managed to steer the helicopter into a dive, leaving the fireball to explode directly behind the vehicle and push it towards the kaiju from the force of the blast. “I don’t believe this. We just fired our entire arsenal at that thing and it barely flinched!” Sheldon exclaimed, gesturing to the monster that was now walking away from them as though they were no more noteworthy than a mosquito. “Wait. What if we fired someone else’s entire arsenal at it instead?” West proposed. “What? Whatever do you mean, good fellow?” Blackwood inquired. “I mean what if we use that doomsday device you guys told me about?” “Wait, you mean the NILS statue? Dude, we destroyed that thing months ago! Me and Kat basted it to smithereens with a souped-up killer wail!” Pearl yelled. “Wait, wait, I think he might be onto something. After you two destroyed the statue, I saw the cannon fall into the ocean.” Marina explained. “It had enough firepower to destroy the entire city, so it just might be able to kill that monster.” “Okay, I think this might work.” Sheldon agreed. “In any case, it’s our best bet. We’ll have to take the chopper there, but first we’ll need to swing by my shop to grab the transport claw. We can attach it to the bottom and use it to mobilize the NILS cannon to the monster’s location, and then blast it to kingdom come.” “Alright, good. We should also drop off most of us at the base to go and help the civilians.” Marina recommended. “Me and Sheldon will go to the place we first fought Tartar to find the NILS cannon.” “Sounds good. Now, does anyone know where the children are?” Clef looked around the helicopter, as though the 7 others might’ve somehow managed to sneak onboard with no one else noticing. “I think agent 3 mentioned they were going to Innsmouth county; something about unfinished business. I let her borrow a prototype communications device I’ve been working on.” “Alright, if they all went there at once, then it’s gotta be something really important.” Callie started. “Still, once we get down there, I’ll try and call them.” “Alright, let’s go.” Marina piloted the helicopter closer to the ground, allowing most of their number to exit onto the ground.

Marina and Sheldon piloted the helicopter off the coast of Inkopolis. The water had turned a blood-red after the kaiju had been born, as though the ocean itself was bending to the apocalypse. A few miles off, the ruins of the NILS statue was submerged up to the head, which was now stained a deep scarlet. It was built in the shape of a human, with an uncannily blank expression. The NILS cannon had broken off from the open mouth, floating in the water a fair distance in front. “Sheldon, you replaced the cannon with the transport claw, right?” “Yep. I’d recommend you hold on to something.” He pressed a button on the dashboard, causing the bottom of the helicopter to unfold for a giant 4-piece claw to drop down on a 100-foot suspension cable. The helicopter bucked downwards from the sheer force, creaking as though it were about to snap in half. “Gah! Sheldon, a little warning next time?!” “Well, I told you to hang on to something.” The horseshoe crab responded indignantly as he helped the octoling off the floor. “Alright, let’s just get this done. I’ll keep steering the copter, you adjust the claw.” “Got it. We’ll have to hurry if we want to beat that thing before the Scarlet King gets free.” Marina drove the heli closer to the NILS cannon, allowing Sheldon to close the transport claw around the doomsday weapon. “Good, now pull up.” He instructed. The helicopter struggled to lift the massive cannon out of the water, bucking up and down as if it were about to break. Eventually, it breached the water, now dripping red on the bottom half. The cannon was about a hundred feet long, and consisted of a half dozen canisters of a green sludge. “Once we get close enough to the SCP, you’ll need to activate the NILS cannon.” Marina instructed. “I’ll try. Of course, this thing is completely unfamiliar tech to me.” “Maybe, but it’s our best bet at saving the world.”

A massive trail had been carved through dozens of buildings, leaving them nothing more than flaming mounds of rubble and metal. The child of SCP-231-7 wandered through the town, spitting fireballs that annihilated more and more of the city while its mere presence caused the air around it to heat up to near-uninhabitable degrees. Eventually, the helicopter and NILS cannon flew near the beast. “Alright, Sheldon, you ready?” “As much as I’ll ever be.” He took a parachute from an upper compartment, using it to jump down to the top of the doomsday weapon. While piloting the chopper, Marina fumbled around with her cell phone trying to call her friend. “Pearl, we’re almost ready with the NILS cannon. How’re you guys doing?” “We managed to get the civilians out as best we could, and now we’re headed back to base. Callie hasn’t had any luck contacting the others at Innsmouth county, though.” “Alright. We should be able to do this without them.” She hung up, leaning out the window to yell down, “Hey Shellendorf, you ready?!” “Almost! Just a few more-and there we go!” The cannon glowed, the six canisters of glowing green sludge rotating and pulsating. “Alright, Sheldon, we’re in position.” “good. And now...” He activated the cannon, causing the weapon to fire massive amounts of Tartar’s corrosive substance created by blending thousands of octarians into a genetic slurry. The canisters had been partially emptied during Tartar’s first battle with the New Squidbeak Splatoon’s allies, but it was still enough to cause the son of the Scarlet King to shriek and wail, as its entire upper body was covered in the stinging green fluid. After a few seconds, when the biologically-created ammo was just about to run short, a massive hole was torn in the Kaiju’s stomach. The beast fell over, burning a massive hole in the ground. “Yes! I can’t believe that actually worked!” Marina celebrated. “C’mon, let’s get back down there.” “Good call, Sheldon.” She piloted the chopper down to the ground, where the rest of their group was waiting for them. “Guys, we did it!” The horseshoe crab called down as he jumped off the now-empty NILS cannon. “Alright. I’ll just call the others and-” Dr. West was interrupted by the ground shaking beneath them, buildings trembling on their foundations and some collapsing in on themselves. The ground nearby cracked open, exposing a hellish red glow with scarlet smoke and a deep, booming laughter from the darkest depths of a hellish abyss. “No. No no no no.” Callie muttered, the group stepping back. “Come on, we need to get out of here, now!” Clef yelled, sounding uncharacteristically terrified.

When the first had given birth, then all the birds did sing.  
Her screaming cries did shake the skies, as she called out for her King.  
By doctor's blade the second bade a life into the world.  
Untimely hewn neath a silent moon, the King's red flag unfurled.  
His bride the third remained unheard, her cries for help ignored.  
She stopped her life with a surgeon's knife, and gave it to Our Lord.  
The fourth prepares a dagger and places it at her heart.  
The perfect cure cannot make pure what the King has set apart.  
The fifth one's crown was bearing down upon the fox's set.  
The den was sundered with mighty thunder, an apocalypse beget.  
On the sixth's day, the walls gave way, and the oceans turned to ash.  
Her birth gave work, as the earth shook, underneath the King's fell lash  
The seventh bride has broke the tides, the moon no more doth shine.  
The day has come, she's birthed the death of time.


	63. dust and blood part III: a door to another world

Shortly after leaving the base, Anthony, Robert Bumaro, Farah Onteus, Nathan, Trevor, Lewis, and Jack split off from the rest of the group to look for SCP-2317. “Okay, someone mind telling me what exactly we’re looking for? I mean, I know that guy mentioned it’s a door, but that doesn’t exactly narrow it down.” Anthony pointed out. “It’s a 19th-century wooden basement door with an engraving of a red tree with the branches arranged in a dome-like pattern.” Trevor explained. “At least, that’s how I remember it.” “Good. We will have to find it before the seventh chain breaks. I can’t believe I’m actually working alongside a Nälkä.” He glared at Anthony. “Well, whatever it takes to save the multiverse. Once we’re done, we can get back to our regularly scheduled trying to kill each other.” Lewis responded. “Hey, Onteus, I’ve been wondering something.” Jack turned to the leader of the Church of the Second Hytoth. “You know how the Scarlet King is associated with sets of six out of seven? The eggs and jars in the poem, the chains, and the girls?” Onteus thought for a moment. “Are you referring to the fact that out of the seven koru-teusa, Rakmou-leusan is the only one remaining?” “Yeah, I mean, you’ve gotta admit, it’s a pretty weird coincidence. Do you think, I don’t know, maybe the Scarlet King was the entity that destroyed the first hytoth?” “An interesting possibility. I admit, it hadn’t quite crossed my mind. It does seem fairly likely, though. In any case, I think I speak for all of us when I say we can’t allow an encore.” “Agreed. Let’s just put aside our differences for the time being, and stop the Scarlet King from annihilating everything we care about.” Nathan summarised, before praying under his breath. The others nodded their agreements, collectively opting to continue the search while a massive explosion sounded miles away, signalling them to hurry. At some point, Nathan came across a door that matched Trevor’s description of SCP-2317, embedded in the side of a civilian residence. “Guys! Get over here; I found what we’re looking for!” The rest of the seven-man group ran over to the door. “Okay, is everyone ready? Because once we go through this door into SCP-2317-prime, there’s no going back.” Trevor informed them, hand hovering over the doorknob. The members of the unlikely alliance looked between each other. “Yes. We’re ready.” Bumaro confirmed. “Let’s do this.” Jack agreed. Anthony added, “I’m in.” “We’ve come this far. No point stopping now.” Lewis surmised. “The horizon initiative wouldn’t tolerate a pagan deity destroying reality, and neither will I.” Nathan affirmed. “We must continue to stave off the coming of the third hytoth, and if the only way to do that is to battle an elder god, then so be it. May Rakmou-leusan be with us.” Farah finished. “Alright. I’ll take that as a yes then.” Nervously, Trevor turned the doorknob, opening the door into SCP-2317.

The salt pan was massive, stretching off seemingly ad infinitum in every direction. The door they entered through was in the middle of the pocket dimension, completely unattached to any larger structure. Aside from the door, the only feature in the otherwise flat plain was a circle of seven pillars about 30 feet in front, each around 21 feet tall. “Alright, we’ll need to make sure this place is secure so the Scarlet King doesn’t get free. Hopefully, the fact we have representatives from all the necessary groups should act as a sort of deterrent.” Trevor explained, being the only one there with any knowledge of SCP-2317. The seven of them stepped into the center of the circle of pillars, at which point the ground began to tremble. “Oh no. I just realized something.” Anthony started. “There’s seven of us, but only six of us are members of groups needed to stop the Scarlet King.” Horror dawned on all of them when they realized where he was going with this. “We’re playing right into his hands.” “Of course it’s the sarkicist figuring this out.” Bumaro grumbled, rolling his eyes. “What’d you just call me, you steampunk punk?” Anthony glared at the Mekhanite leader. “Woah, woah, in case you two haven’t noticed, we’ve kind of got bigger things to worry about right now.” Lewis was interrupted by the sound of a massive chain shattering below them, followed by a low, rumbling laughter that sent a chill up their spines. The salt pan started to collapse, the hole rapidly growing outwards from the center, exposing scarlet smoke, blazing fires, and demonic laughter, as the group ran towards the door to warn the others even though it was already too late.

The Scarlet King was free.


	64. dust and blood part IV: the king of the darkness below

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gurandofināre

The ground cracked open, reducing the streets and buildings to fiery red heaps, as the demonic hordes of the Scarlet King jumped through the gateways to the realm where he had once been imprisoned. They were creatures of pure rage and terror, born out of the malice of their own creator. About 7 of 8 feet tall, with all limbs ending in long, merciless claws and teeth that could bite through the toughest of hides like wet tissue paper. Of course, they were nothing compared to the king of the darkness below. A pillar of light emerged from beneath the house where the door once stood, signifying his release and the end of days. A massive creature, covered in red scales and a head adorned with sharp, branching horns, rose from the ground out of the crack in reality. Khahrahk loomed over the ruins of the city, covered in a sickly red glow. Down below, the two groups rendezvoused at the corner of two streets that hadn’t collapsed into the crimson void. “Guys, what happened?” Tristan demanded, shaking Trevor by the shoulder. “Well, obviously we failed.” His brother responded bitterly. “No way. We haven’t failed, not yet.” Pearl brandished her dualies. “I may not know much about this whole SCP or Scarlet King stuff, but what I do know is that until we’re all dead and the world is destroyed, we’re not giving up. This isn’t the end, just another setback.” The others considered her stance. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but she’s right. We’re the foundation. We secure, contain, and protect. It’s just going to become much more difficult than ever.” Clef reluctantly agreed. A small horde of the King’s monsters appeared in front of them, attacking the militia. They charged at each other, Kondraki whipping out his gun to smack a monster in the head, turning to shoot it in its glowing red eyes. Pearl rolled between two of them, shooting with her dualies while Marina dropkicked one before using her brella as a shield against the other’s claw swipe. Clef kicked one in the shin, knifing it in the stomach before pulling out his gun. Callie swung her roller into the back of one demon, only for another to grab the weapon and spin her around. A third demon jumped to disembowel her, only for Callie to turn into a squid, causing the demon to knock her own roller into its comrade. She turned back into a humanoid, grabbing her roller back before the creature was killed by a plasma shot from behind, revealing Marie holding her charger. The Bailey triplets stood back-to-back in a makeshift triangle, shooting the creatures whenever they came near. Dana kicked one of the beasts, allowing Fred to shoot it in the side of its head with a thaumaturgic handgun. Jack grabbed one from behind, using his third eye to foresee it throwing him off in a few seconds. The third eye could only foresee enemy actions about 5-8 seconds ahead of time, and even then he couldn’t use it on command. However, it was useful for kicking off the demon’s back just as it was about to throw him off, causing it to lose its balance before he blasted it between the eyes with his own thaumaturgic pistol. Troy allowed one monster to charge at him, using its own momentum to throw it into one of its fellows. Dr. King threw a grenade into the group of fallen demons, exploding in the middle of them. Despite how many of the Scarlet King’s minions they killed, a dozen more seemed to appear by the second. "We can't keep going like this. We need a more effective way of defeating these things." Onteus decided, using his sword to slice straight through one of the invaders.

Inside the New Squidbeak Splatoon’s base of operations, the teleport beacons activated as 9 inklings and 3 octolings teleported from innsmouth county. “Woah, so that’s what teleporting feels like. Thanks for letting us borrow those transporters.” Eric said, turning to face the others. “No problem. Now come on, we need to get to the van in the basement so we can find the others.” Marcus started towards the hallway before one of the scarlet king’s demons jumped through the nearby window, spraying glass on the floor. He fired a blast of plasma from his splatling to kill the demon as dozens more emerged from the red fog permeating the air around the headquarters. The group arranged themselves into a circle as they were surrounded by the scarlet legions. “Come on team, let’s fight our way through these freaks!” Lauren screamed, still hopped up on adrenaline from earlier. The group charged forward to the hall while the demons charged them from all sides. Lauren fired several shots of plasma from her splattershot while Katherine turned her dualies into daggers, leaping and slashing at the opposition. Nate swung his inkbrush, allowing the sheer force to knock the demons off their feet one by one. Eric slammed his roller into a few of the demons before pushing it forward, using it as leverage to dropkick another. Samantha fired her charger to break a chair one of the demons had thrown at her, rolling backwards to avoid the wood pieces scattered about. Ethan shot several blasts of plasma at the demons closest to the door, killing them despite being knocked back a foot by the force of the shots. “Guys I got the door clear! C’mon let’s hurry!” The squadron ceased fighting with the horde, retreating into the basement staircase. They rushed through the door, going down the stairs single file while being pursued by the scarlet hordes, dozens of otherworldly entities trampling and stampeding over each other in the narrow staircase. “There’s the van. Alright, who’s got the keys?” Lauren looked at the rest of the group as the dozen of them crammed into the vehicle with the Scarlet King’s army seconds behind. “Uh...” Tyler hesitated, looking around the van along with everyone else. “What?! You mean no one grabbed the keys?! Now how’re we going to get out of here?!” “Oh, I’m sorry! In case you didn’t notice, some of us were a bit busy trying not to get our intestines pulled out through our mouths!” Ethan screamed, as cracks appeared and grew in the concrete wall. The wall burst apart, giving way to the demonic army. “Great, now how’re we going to get out of here? It’s not like we can just run through these things!” Lauren pointed out, gesturing to the opposing army. One of them jumped at the van, breaking through the plexiglass window with its claws. Trent leaned forward, stabbing the demon’s glowing blood-red eyes with his daggers. “You guys are hopeless.” Eric sat in the vacant driver’s seat, leaning down for a few seconds until the engine started. Eric sat back up, driving through the closed garage door while forcing the attacking demons off the van. “Wait a second, you know how to hotwire a car?!” Madison asked him from the backseat. “What, you don’t?” “Hey, I didn’t know you could do that either.” Margaret pointed out. “Well, it’s not exactly the type of thing that comes up in everyday conversation, now is it?” “We’ve gotta keep those things off our tail. Sam, your charger’s got the best range of all of us.” Marcus explained, opening the sunroof. “Get up there and start firing at those freaks.” “I...are you sure? Do you think our ink ammo can even hurt those things?” “Probably not, but we don’t need to kill them right now. Just knock them away from us.” “Understood.” While the blue team member stood on the seat with her head and charger emerging from the open roof, Marcus turned forwards to look over Eric’s shoulder. “Not to be a backseat driver, but do you have any idea where we’re going?” The driver pointed forwards, in the direction of a massive crimson light a few miles off. “If your friends are trying to fight this Scarlet King, or whatever it’s called, then that’s probably where we’ll find them.” “Okay, good call.” “Hey, Sam, how’s it going up there?” Lauren called upwards. “So far so good! I’m managing to knock them back!” Despite that, they were still swarming closer to the van, with Samantha barely able to keep up with the onslaught. Eventually, they saw a group of humans, inklings, and octolings fighting their own group of the Scarlet King’s legions. “There!” Tyler called, pointing in their direction. Eric turned the steering wheel fast enough that the van swerved to the side, causing Samantha to fall back inside. One of the demons jumped onto the hood of the van, clawing at the engine. The van toppled over as the teenagers jumped out of it. “Guys! We’re back!” Marcus called out as Lewis ran a few feet closer to the van. He gestured to the vehicle, hurriedly yelling, “gust gaoithe!” To send it hurtling across the street where it exploded to send a small squadron of demons flying. “Where the hell were you guys?” Callie exploded, uncharacteristically angry. “While you were gone, Inkopolis was nearly destroyed by a fire-breathing kaiju, and now in case you missed it, the Scarlet King is free! I tried calling you, but none of you answered, and now you’ve brought some others I don’t even recognize!” “Callie, I’m sorry, really, I am, but the Chaos Insurgency was in my old town, and I had to go and stop them before they hurt anyone else!” Lauren blurted out, while Marcus added, “Plus, the blue team agreed to help us!” “Oh, yeah, this is the blue team. They’re friends of mine from Innsmouth county, but I’m guessing now’s not the time for introductions.” “Inkopolis is practically unrecognizable; it’s crawling with these freaks.” Kat added, stabbing one demon before turning her daggers back into dualies to shoot at another. “We need a plan.” Nate posited, dodging the swipe of a demon’s claws before slamming it with his inkbrush. “Does this thing have any weakness we might be able to exploit?” “Well, we’ve got representatives from all the groups we need. Now’s the time to start the sealing ritual. While we were researching the Scarlet King, we figured out what we’re supposed to do in case it gets free, but we only found one record of it ever working in the history of existence.” Troy explained. “We’ll need one of us from each of the six groups to go stand around that gateway to the King’s prison dimension-” he pointed to the blood-red pillar emerging from the ground, stretching far into the sky. “-and perform the sealing ritual. Unfortunately, these things-” He socked one of the demons in the gut before shooting it with a thaumaturgic pistol. “-aren’t going to stop appearing, and they’re not going to just let us reimprison their king.” “Right. The rest of us will guard your group while you’re busy with the ritual, as long as we’re able to hold out.” Dr. King assured the six, as an explosion went off nearby. Out of the smoke emerged a man carrying a shotgun, shooting any nearby demons with extreme prejudice while another man lobbed grenades in every direction. “Shotgun! You’re back!” Katherine yelled, waving over to the human. “Wait, his name is Shotgun?” Samantha asked, confused. “Yeah, it’s a whole thing with them.” “Yeah, we saw something apocalyptic was happening here, and, well, it was a unanimous decision to come help you guys. Also, this guy showed up asking about a random girl.” He gestured nearby, where Craig was using his charger not as a cane like usual, but to strike at nearby demons while shooting those farther away. “Hey gramps, good to see you again.” Marie called over. “Callie, Marie, you have no idea how worried I’ve been about you two. Still...” He chuckled hoarsely. “I suppose you two aren’t exactly alone now.” “Right, the people of New IKEA are fighting these demons on the streets. While me, Grenade, and the captain were looking for you lot, we saw a bunch of guys fighting them too, and a lot of them looked like they had machine parts. Friends of yours?” “Yes!” Bumaro raised his blade-hand into the air before slicing down another demon. “I knew my fellow Mekhanites would keep fighting to the bitter end. We must not let their sacrifices be in vain.”

The Scarlet King was a truly gargantuan being, his size befitting of an elder god. His ankles scraped the cloud layer, looking to the mortals below like the trunks of some great and terrible red trees piercing the skies. His head reached past earth’s atmosphere, his dozens of branching horns scraping the cosmos above. From hundreds of miles away, a fleet of spaceships approached the King, the full force of the Ortothan military now trained on the defiler. He called forth a scarlet sphere of pure energy from between his two sets of horns, blowing apart an entire swath of Ortothan ships. Those that remained were hardly deterred, as they continued to swarm around the King’s head. By his mere existence outside his imprisonment in Universe-Kappa-Erikesh, the Scarlet King tore the fabric of reality itself, summoning a swarm of Twelve Stars ships to combat the Ortothans. For every one ortothan ship, there were three more Twelve Stars ships to counter them. The defenders of the second hytoth fought as valiantly as ever, but their vessels were annihilated by the hundreds. While Twelve Stars continued their onslaught against the Church of the Second Hytoth, four divine spears pierced their king’s chest, each as long as his forearm. Black blood flowed out of the open wound, the Scarlet King effortlessly healing himself. Before the spears could fall to the earth below, they were summoned back up as their owner made himself known. He was a humanoid, clad in flowing robes of an undefinable coloration, whose height barely matched that of the devourer’s horns. ‘Finally.’ Rakmou-leusan, the last of the Koru-teusa, thought to himself as he stared down the entity that had destroyed the original hytoth billions of years ago. ‘A challenge.’

“Now how the bird got in my hat, I’ll never know.” “A truly fascinating tale, child, but perhaps right now we ought to focus on the continued preservation of existence?” Lord Blackwood turned with his sword, slicing a demon’s stomach in half while Margaret jumped to kick one in the eye. “Hey, just trying to make conversation.” Mr. Deeds sliced through one of the demonic entities before turning around to see an interdimensional portal appear, a man emerging from the other side. He wore a strange outfit, not unlike the desert nomads Blackwood had encountered time and again. He spoke in a language none of them recognized, but seemed confused and scared of where he’d found himself. “Woah! Who is this guy?” Katherine asked of no one in particular. “I recognize him.” Tristan informed her, having just shot a demon through the eye. “He calls himself the Beller. We met him while looking for you through the multiverse.” He attached a small metallic device to his forehead, which apparently allowed him to communicate with the man called Beller. “Hey, are you alright? Do you recognize me? We met a while ago.” The Beller responded, incomprehensibly to anyone not wearing the translation device, “What is this place? How did I get here? Where are we?” “It’s a long story, But we need to fight these demon things. As for how you got here, there’s something giving the space-time continuum food poisoning . Just kill as many of the red guys as you can.” “I don’t understand. But if I must combat this army, then I will.” He flicked his wrist, exposing the claws at the end of his fingers to gouge out a pair of demonic eyes. Nearby, the six seals had finished drawing the symbols of their respective groups around the pillar of light, using the blood of the Scarlet King’s fallen demons as per the ancient sealing ritual. “And now, we begin the incantation to seal away the Scarlet King.” Lewis announced to the assembled party. They each pulled a piece of parchment from their pockets; the words to the incantation. In unison, they all spoke aloud.

Seven seals, seven rings, seven brides for the Scarlet King. They gather round the natal bed, the foolish and the wise. They fear the child yet to be born, whose voice shall rend the skies. The faithful watch the forest for the coming of the king. Their lanterns bright, they wait at night for the new world he shall bring. The dragon waits in shadows, his breath will scorch the land. The hero in the castle draws his sword and makes his stand.

The barrier between dimensions continued to rupture, causing portals to appear on the surface nearby. Through these portals came forth entities of all sorts, primarily those contained by the SCP foundation. Marina fired an electrically-charged brella at a demon while dr. Kondraki shot it between the eyes. A portal opened in front of them, both taking a stance in preparation for whatever horror might emerge. Except, of course, an eight-year old girl. “Sigurrós!” The octoling ran over to SCP-239. “What’re you doing here? Don’t you know it’s dangerous?” “I’m sorry, witch Marina. I thought I could help. I’ve learned some magic at the witching school.” “Hey, that gives me an idea.” “Yes, swordsman Kondraki?” She looked at the scientist, paying full attention. “You see that man over there?” He pointed over to dr. Clef, who was shooting at any demons that came close. “Yeah.” “Why not try out that dragon spell?” “Wait, dragon spell?” Marina blurted, taken aback. Sigurrós held out her hand, beaming with pride as she shouted, “Draconius!” A bolt of plasma emerged from her palm, speeding towards Clef. It hit him square in the chest, emitting a shockwave of black energy that knocked away the demons attacking him. He was covered in a strange black light, which rapidly grew until it was replaced by a fifty-foot long dragon, covered in pitch-black scales with a tail that tapered off to a spear-like point, and rows of 2-inch serrated teeth. The thing that had once been dr. Clef roared, breathing out a plume of fire. “What did you do?!” Marina screamed, staring in shock at the medieval beast. “Oh, don’t worry, it’ll wear off.” Kondraki assured her, muttering under his breath, “I think.”

The princess in the tower is hidden far away, but nothing under heaven can keep the groom at bay. They gather round with leering smiles, the soulless and the dead. Though her soul unwinds, the cruelest minds will keep her in her bed. The potter told his ’prentice to prepare him seven jars. Six he made with grace and skill, the last his hands did mar. the cretin moon no more is howling, gone its mourning black. In their dreams its face is prowling, come to take them back.

The forces of the Church of the Second Hytoth continued to battle the Twelve Stars armada, now reinvigorated by the aid of Rakmou-leusan. The patron deity of the ortothans stabbed one of his spears into the Scarlet King’s eye, only for the King to pull back his head and unleash bolts of scarlet lightning from his horns. Rakmou-leusan writhed in pain, his worshippers losing morale as a direct result. two massive, eldritch shapes appeared from opposite sides of the King in the distance. They slammed into the Scarlet King’s head, forcing it to cease its electric attack so that Rakmou-leusan could stab it once more in the forehead. The two shapes unfolded themselves, a mountain-sized behemoth of metal and a titanic beast of flesh. For the first time in millions of years, Mekhane and Yaldabaoth, patron deities of the Church of the Broken God and the Sarkic Cults, put aside their inherent differences to collectively battle the devourer of worlds.

The king is in his courting clothes, the brides are in their beds. The unborn princes wait in sleep to raise their eager heads. The hens were in the henhouse and seven eggs did lay, till the fox crept in by dark of night and stole the eggs away. Six were broken by their bindings six no more shall sing. Comes the seventh full unwinding and all the bells will ring. When the first had given birth, then all the birds did sing. Her screaming cries did shake the skies, as she called out for her king.

“Come on guys, we need to keep going until they finish the incantation!” Marcus yelled, shooting a blast of plasma out of his splatling at a demon. “Yeah, no kidding.” Lauren agreed, shooting another demon while rolling to avoid its claws. “Wonder how long this is going to take.” “Guys, look! A portal!” Katherine warned, as an SCP-3199 emerged into their reality. “Oh man that thing is ugly.” “Yeah, tell me about it. I fought one of these freaks back at Innsmouth county a few weeks ago. If you see a lump in its throat, make sure to kick it down before it can vomit out the egg.” “You mean that egg?” Marcus pointed to the giant humanoid chicken, which was screaming in pain as a massive lump raised through its neck. “Yes, exactly! We’ve got to stop it before it reproduces!” “On it!” Kat turned her dualies into daggers, jumping forwards to slice the monster’s neck open. It fell over dead, spilling acidic blood onto the ground while a half dozen of its brethren came through more portals. “Great. Regular demons and demon birds.” Marcus remarked, followed up by a deafening roar. “And now a dragon. Just what we need right now.”

By doctor’s blade the second bade a life into the world. Untimely hewn neath a silent moon, the king’s red flag unfurled. His bride the third remained unheard, her cries for help ignored. She stopped her life with a surgeon’s knife, and gave it to our lord. The fourth prepares a dagger and places it at her heart. The perfect cure cannot make pure what the king has set apart. The fifth one’s crown was bearing down upon the fox’s set. The den was sundered with mighty thunder, an apocalypse beget.

Callie and Marie stood back-to-back fighting the demons, hitting them with the roller and blasts of plasma, until they eventually had to change up their strategy once the giant bird-things started showing up. At some point, Callie was riding one of the SCP-3199s when she whacked it on the head with her roller, allowing her to vault over to where Nate and Eric were fighting another group of demons. “Hey, guys, so, anyone know what’s up with the dragon?” “Yeah, I think it’s Clef. Marina said something about a crazy little witch girl.” Nate answered, tossing a splatbomb into one of the scarlet demons’ open mouths. “Oh, yeah, I guess that makes sense.” More and more portals started to open all over as the incantation came closer to completion and the Scarlet King continued to battle the three gods amidst the stars. Marcus and Ethan ran past her, firing plasma blasts into the chest of SCP-106 while lord Blackwood continued to dance around the opposition, gracefully cutting down any abomination that stood in his way. A massive ape-thing in a spacesuit appeared, grabbing two of the scarlet demons and tossing them straight into 106 to knock it down. “Hey, 2006! Good to see you again, buddy! Ready to help save the world?” The shapeshifter turned into an inkling, confirming, “You bet! I’ve got no idea what’s going on, but I’ll help out as best I can.” He ran off, Ethan asking, “Wait, who?” “Oh, that’s SCP-2006. He’s a shapeshifter who can turn into your worst fear, but he’s cool. The two of us really hit it off last halloween.” “You mean the halloween where Inkopolis was nearly destroyed by a flaming giant?” “Yeah, that’s the one!” He gently punched his friend’s shoulder while Blackwood and mr. Deeds plunged their swords into SCP-682’s back.

On the sixth’s day, the walls gave way, and the oceans turned to ash. Her birth gave work, as the earth shook, underneath the king’s fell lash. The seventh bride will break the tides, the moon no more will shine. There comes a day not far away, she’ll birth the death of time.

Near the gateway pillar, a circle of green light appeared on the ground, levitating in the air. As it rose, a figure appeared from below, summoned by the sealing ritual. It was a middle aged-looking woman, but she was covered in scars and her eyes were those of someone who’d endured millenia of torture under the Scarlet King. A’habbat, the seventh seal, looked to the stars where her groom-father continued his campaign against Mekhane, Yaldabaoth, Rakmou-leusan, and the ortothan fleet. Wordlessly, she rose into the air, appearing near the devourer’s titanic head in the time it took to blink. For the first time since he had been sealed away, the Scarlet King was truly surprised. Three ancient beings appeared from their realm, the brothers of death, summoned by the tearing of the cosmic order. The seven surrounded the Scarlet King, and together pierced him with seven sets of seven spears, until he disappeared, dead at last, his vile essence claimed by the brothers of death. A’habbat returned to her own domain, as did the others, leaving the stars above the earth clear once more.

On the surface of the world, everyone witnessed the Scarlet King’s demise as he seemed to spontaneously disappear. The gateway narrowed until it collapsed in on itself, leaving nothing but a crater behind. The demonic hordes, no longer fueled by the power of the King, were reduced to ash on the spot, the cracks in the ground leading to Universe-Kappa-Erikesh closing as if they’d never been there. “Guys! They did it! I have no idea what they did, but they did it!” Tyler celebrated. “Well, if I had to guess, I’d say we just summoned A’habbat. She must’ve done something to either seal away or destroy the scarlet king.” Anthony surmised. “What do you mean, guess? You guys are the ones who performed the ritual.” dr. West pointed out. “Well, all we knew was that it would neutralize the Scarlet King. We didn’t really know the specifics.” The SCPs started to flicker, returning to their own dimension. “Looks like the dimensional imbalance is starting to wear off. We should be transported to our own universes in a few-” Dr. Tristan Bailey acknowledged before starting to flicker in and out of reality. “Yep there it is.” He disappeared completely, along with his brothers. “Well now, this has truly been a grand adventure. No doubt contributing to this battle will make for a glorious entry in my journal.” Lord Blackwood disappeared as well. The Beller disappeared as well, still looking as confused as ever. Eventually, only the dimensional natives-Callie, Marie, Lauren, Marcus, Pearl, Marina, Katherine, Ethan, Trent, Sydney, Madison, Tyler, Nate, Samantha, Margaret, Eric, Sheldon, and Craig-were left. The destruction had scarcely had time to spread past the city of Inkopolis, and while it was a ruin, it had overall survived. “well, we just saved the multiverse.” Madison stated plainly, grinning while looking at the sky. “It’s over! Yes! It’s finally over!” Callie celebrated, sitting on a nearby bench. “I forgot how good it feels to not wonder what sort of anomaly is going to attack next.” “I know, right? We should do something to celebrate.” Nate agreed. “You know...” Sydney moved over to Tyler’s side, “I seem to recall before the Scarlet King got out, someone said something about a party.” “Uh, Syd, I don’t think my place can fit this many.” “Well, mine can.” Marina piped up, explaining to the blue team, “We’ve been using my home as a base of operations ever since our other headquarters were destroyed. Now that we’ve finally won, I suppose I can let you guys throw a victory party.” “Uh, yeah, about that...” Marcus trailed off. “Wait, don’t tell me. A bunch of those Scarlet demon things broke into my place and trashed it, didn’t they?” “Yeah, pretty much. And I don’t think any of us have places big enough for our entire group.” “Well, I think there’s only one solution then.” Craig replied. “We salvage what we can of the base, have our well-earned victory celebration, and then hire someone to fix the rest of it.” the others accepted the plan as the best they could come up with, and didn’t take much convincing to agree that they’d earned this. The eighteen of them headed back to their new base, intent on celebrating the aversion of the end times and the death of the Scarlet King.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn't think it was over, did you?
> 
> Edit Nov 7, 2020: We've officially reached 1000 hits after I first published this story 5 months ago. Expect a special announcement on the 24th, to coincide with my 18th birthday.


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